Devotional – Page 21 – The Will to Wake Up

Refocusing Our Conversations with God

Are you frustrated by your prayer times, feeling as though you’re having a one-sided conversation? Here’s some advice and encouragement for your conversations with God.

Were you the type of student who raised your hand the second an idea popped into your head? It didn’t matter when the idea emerged–it just had to be shared! Whether you were that student or not, I’m sure you can remember your teacher’s response. If you had a good teacher, they likely politely told you to patiently wait and put your hand down until it was time for sharing responses. Teachers don’t want their students wildly waving their arms during instruction time because they know that the students aren’t listening when they are focused only on what they want to say.

Looking back, I’m sure you can agree that what you had to say wasn’t quite as important as what the teacher had to say. Growing up with a parent as a preschool teacher, I’ve heard my fair share of random circle time stories. Usually they are completely off-topic, and while interesting, don’t contribute much to the lesson time. Whether a student is giving an answer or sharing a story, the teacher likely doesn’t learn anything from what the student says . Rather, they allow the student to share for the student’s benefit.

Students come to school in order to hear what their teacher has to say. Their teacher has years of wisdom and are designed to prioritize their students’ needs, while students, particularly younger ones, only have their own interests in mind. Teachers can see the long road of learning ahead of their students, while the students can merely focus on their daily course work.

Though it’s easy to laugh at our younger selves in this scenario, the truth is, our conversations with God often mimic the way teachers interact with their students. We, the students, often run to God with whatever new desire or need comes up, usually right when God is trying to teach us something. He wants to hear what we have to say, but more importantly He wants us to listen and focus on what He’s trying to tell us.

God is the only one who can see the future and know what course is best for us to take. So naturally, it would make sense to follow His leading rather than going with whatever brilliant idea pops into our heads first.

However, we get so fixated on what we want, especially during our prayer time, that we forget to keep our hearts and minds open to God’s leading. What percentage of your prayer time is talking to God? You probably would say 100%, right? Well, what if it was 50/50, spending at least half the time listening to God rather than just talking? Or, what if most of your time with God was listening to Him rather than speaking?

That can be hard because listening feels less productive than talking. We are required to be still and patient when we are listening to God. Listening requires trusting God enough to believe He knows what we need more than we do. Yet listening is a verb, an action word. We must be proactive in order to listen by reading the Bible, noticing what the Holy Spirit is causing us to feel passionately about, and hearing from wise biblical counsel.

There are many different ways to hear from God. There isn’t exactly one “better” way than another, though I will say reading the Bible is a key part in knowing what God desires for you. The most important thing is always being on alert to what God is trying to tell you. You don’t have to be in a church or on a mountain top or at a retreat in order to feel God’s presence. Rather, you can be sitting in your car, waiting for someone, or laying awake at night. God can meet you everywhere.

Today, instead of going about your prayer time the way you normally do, take time to listen to what God is teaching you. Reflect on what He is doing in your life, what promises He has revealed to you, and where He is leading you next. Perhaps He will place a particular person on your heart who needs your love. Maybe He wishes to fill your heart with peace and give you rest from all the things stressing you out.

No matter where you’re coming from today, God will meet you exactly where you’re at.

Whoever is of God hears the words of God.
John 8:47

So faith comes from hearing, and hearing by the word of Christ.
Romans 10:17

In God’s Hands

Are you burdened by a situation that you know you should place in God’s hands, yet you aren’t sure how to trust God with it? Here is advice and encouragement.

Have you ever felt out of control in either a situation or relationship, and someone gave you the advice, “Just put it in God’s hands” ? It can be really frustrating to get this advice because while it’s well-meaning, it’s hard to know how to put it in God’s hands. And once we figure out how, letting go is extremely difficult as well.

So what does putting something in God’s hands even mean?

This phrase goes hand in hand with the definition of surrender. When we surrender something, we are no longer in control of it. And when it comes to our lives, especially the people in our lives, we are never really in control of them in the first place. Yet we are giving that feeling of being in control to God and trusting Him with it. Sometimes, that process of surrender comes in taking a risk, being proactive in a situation. Other times, it means stepping back and being patient, maybe even letting go and moving on.

Last year, I struggled with giving God a friendship that was burdening my heart. This friend was going through a lot, yet I was unable to communicate with her. I went through seasons of bitterness and anger over what felt unfair, cruel even. I went through times of grief and longing for what used to be. But I wouldn’t–couldn’t–give up. I was determined.

If you know me, you know I’m (in the positive description) perseverant, and (in the negative description) stubborn. Sometimes, that can be a really good thing. But often it makes letting go extremely difficult. Perhaps you can relate to the feeling of failure that comes with letting go. That overwhelming ache of loss.

Yet, in this situation, I felt God beside me, telling me to put this person, who I cared so deeply about, into His hands. And finally, I released her. I put her in His hands and tried to trust that whatever came next would be from God.

Do you ever pray for God to take hold of a situation, and instead of feeling at peace with whatever happens next, you wait for what you want to happen to finally happen? I’ll admit to experiencing this. Sometimes, we’re tempted to just say the right words so that our plan can come into play rather than God’s. Of course, life doesn’t work like that. God knows what’s really going on in our hearts. But it can be awfully disappointing when things don’t go the way we want.

At this point in my story, I was ready to fully surrender my friend. When I prayed those words, I truly meant them. And guess what? For a few short weeks, it felt like it worked. I was miraculously able to get back in touch with her and we picked up right where we left off. We were even going to see each other again. I praised God and thought, “Wow, putting things in God’s hands really does work!”.

But then a painful thing happened between us (which I will spare you the details of) which devastated me. I felt even worse and confused as this person was taken away from me once again. I was upset at God and doubted that putting things in His hands was the right thing to do after all.

And this is where putting something in God’s hands really comes to the test. The key to putting something or someone in God’s hands is trusting Him fully with it. It means when things don’t go the way we want, and even if we are left with disappointing results, we still know that God is in control. We are still trusting that God knows what’s best and that He still cares about everyone involved.

It’s taken me more than a month to come to terms with this. It’s not something that can be done overnight. Putting our lives in God’s hands is a daily process. It starts with dedicating the day to God in the morning, checking in with Him throughout the day, and reflecting with Him at night. It means living out “Thy will be done”, even when things don’t go the way we hope.

And that’s really hard. It’s really hard when it feels like nothing is going right. It’s really hard when we trust God, and it feels like He’s let us down. It’s really hard to know that He’s still here and He still cares when everything is falling apart around us.

But I can promise you one thing–God never changes. The God who has given you everything you have and sacrificed everything out of His love for you is the same God who is waiting to pick up the pieces after you go through the storms of life. God doesn’t want to hurt you, but He wants to help you grow closer to Him. Sometimes that means letting go of people. Sometimes that means stepping out of a situation. Sometimes that means even feeling alone for a season.

However, you are never alone. The reason we can trust God with whatever we’re going through is because He has proven Himself over and over again. Just think, the things that were burdening you a year ago have changed. Perhaps they are even resolved, or on the road to healing. You are growing and changing and developing godly characteristics. We often can only see the single step ahead of us, but God is focused on both the past, the present, and the future.

When we fix our eyes on the end, we can trust God with the steps it takes to get there. So today, give God whatever is burdening you. Allow yourself to rest and find peace in the here and now. And remember that no matter what, what’s ahead is better than what is gone. Don’t give up. ❤

Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
1 Peter 5:6-7

Consequently, he is able to save to the uttermost those who draw near to God through him, since he always lives to make intercession for them.
Hebrews 7:25

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7

Our Need for Light

We will grow from all our experiences, but how can we make sure that growth produces good things?

I’ve had my fair share of experiences with mold, my most recent involving my electric toothbrush. There’s a little divot in the plastic where the bottom of the toothbrush rests when I’m not using it, and over time, the darkness and the dampness in that spot has created an orangish gook (yes, I’m definitely using the technical terms here). I must say, it’s rather disconcerting seeing this gook on the bottom of the instrument that’s meant to clean my mouth. When the gook first appeared, I wiped it and it went away. But the lazier I got about cleaning it, the worse the gook became.

None of us would want to be compared to mold. Come on, it’s disgusting, a super nauseating color, and such an odd, disturbing texture. Yet sometimes, the fruit from our lives takes the form of mold rather than beautiful flowers or delicious fruit.

You may be wondering what I mean by the “fruit of our lives”. Well, Jesus actually uses fruit when describing how people will know we are Christians. He says, “By their fruits, you will know them.” (Matthew 7:20) Our fruits are essentially our legacy. Are we helping others? Are we making a difference? It doesn’t have to be changing the whole world, but are we at least making a difference in the lives of people around us? Are we known for being kind, generous, and patient? What kinds of fruits are we producing through our growth?

Growth. There’s the key word. The only way any fruit can be produced is when we grow. Now, God can certainly work through pleasant situations as well as painful ones, but if you look back on your life, you can probably see how memorable the painful lessons were. It was when you were lonely that God revealed you are never alone. It was when you were grieving that the verse “And Jesus wept” suddenly meant something to you as you realized that Jesus was crying alongside you. It was when you were broken that you searched for healing from the ultimate Healer. Jesus is the one who can light our path and cultivate good fruit from all of our experiences.

The thing is, we can technically grow in both the light and the dark. But when we grow in the dark, away from God’s counsel, away from people who care about us, away from wisdom, we end up producing mold. When we huddle in our own messes, unwilling to cleanse ourselves, unwilling to do the difficult work it takes to learn from our mistakes, we end up worse than how we started.

But when we grow in the light, we can produce beautiful fruit. We can become pops of color in a dismal, gray world. We can bloom like sunflowers, bringing joy to everyone we know. We can bring peace and comfort, like lilies, to those in need. We can bring nourishment and delight, like the fruit sitting in your fruit bowl right now.

When we allow the light to pour in, we begin to reflect the goodness of God.

You see, my friend, no matter what situation you’re in, you will grow. Difficulties, stress, and pain are bound to change us. But wouldn’t you want something good to come from those things? Wouldn’t you rather be a source of hope rather than wallow in self-pity?

But only you get to choose which path you’ll take. Will you allow God to move through you, shaping you into the person you are meant to be? It will take time. It may even take additional pain before you can see what God’s doing. But isn’t the good fruit worth it?

Today, ask yourself whether you’re growing in light or in darkness. It’s not too late to remove the moldy parts of your life and start over. God has the divine cleaning tools of forgiveness, grace, and mercy. He is more than ready to be the light you desperately crave.

He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.
James 1:18

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. This is why it is said: “Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.
Ephesians 5:8-14

What Does Justice Truly Look Like?

You may be unsure how to look at justice, especially in light of recent events and controversies. Yet, through Jonah’s story from the Old Testament, we can learn how to go about achieving justice in the way God intended.

Justice. A word that’s been thrown around a lot recently, and for good reason. Between recognizing the need for racial reconciliation, the attacks on democracy and freedom in many countries, and most recently, the devastating acts taken against innocent people in Afghanistan.

Yet, within the church, there’s much division over the idea of justice. Some argue that we shouldn’t fight for justice because that’s not our place. Others think that if people don’t do everything within their power to achieve equity, they are not Christian. Lots of arguments have been made, but very few healthy discussions.

You may be wondering where you should stand on the justice issue. Is it wrong to fight for justice when we’re supposed to trust God? Should justice be our number one priority?

Well, I can’t give you an exact, step-by-step answer. The amount of effort you should make in any situation should depend on what God tells you through prayer, reading the Bible, and trusted people in your life who understand the situation fully. However, in this space here, I want to have an open discussion about justice. I’ve been thinking about it in light of current events, and after reading the books of Jonah and Nahum.

According to Merriam-Webster’s dictionary, justice is “the maintenance or administration of what is just especially by the impartial adjustment of conflicting claims or the assignment of merited rewards or punishments”.

Sometimes, just looking at what a word actually means can help us understand an issue better. The word that stands out to me is “impartial”. Often, when we stake a claim on an issue, we refuse to see the other side. “What’s there to see,” we rationalize. “My side is the only humane side! If I expose myself to the other side, I’ll get brainwashed!”

The main issue when we get fixated on the way we see the world is that when people don’t receive the punishment we believe they deserve, we get angry at God. It doesn’t seem fair for them to get away so easily! If only we were in charge…

And, in certain issues, that would really make sense, wouldn’t it? Especially when innocent people are getting hurt.

God wants us to care about those who are weak, marginalized, and oppressed. In fact, Jesus calls us to do exactly that, by following His example. He demonstrated this unconditional love countless times, particularly when He came to Earth and spent time with the outcasts in society.

But as much as He wants us to care about others, He wants us to care about our relationship with Him. And one of the biggest keys to a healthy relationship is building it on trust. Trusting God is not passive; it requires active participation and listening to what God is calling us to do. Yet it isn’t easy when God is calling us to love our enemies rather than punish them.

Take Jonah’s situation for example. Jonah often gets a bad rap, and for good reason, right? On the surface, his story is all about the consequences of disobeying God, acting selfishly, and without grace. I was even more furious at him when I learned the real reason why he didn’t want to go to Ninevah. He knew that God would save those people. He hated them so much that he didn’t want them to be saved!

However, as I took a deeper look into Jonah’s story, I realized something that’s a little painful. The reason many of us, or at least I, tend to look down on Jonah is because I’m guilty of being similar to him in certain situations.

Just think about it: Jonah’s desires weren’t all that crazy. He hated the Ninevites for good reason. They were the enemy of his people. They were known to be violent and haters of God. God doesn’t take destroying a city lightly, so the fact that this was a viable threat to them shows the seriousness of the situation. Jonah saw injustice and he wanted justice to be served.

And, I’ll go so far to say, justice was served. Just…not in the way Jonah expected.

Jonah does everything he can to achieve justice his way. His act of running away may have looked like an act of fear, yet it was really strategic on his part. He was doing what he felt was right to keep his own people safe. But after his rather “fishy” experience of being saved by God’s grace, Jonah goes on to do exactly as God commanded him to do. Afterwards, he sits up on a hill in the scorching sun, where God provides him a tree, and waits for God to do His “justice thing”.

But nope. No raining fire down from Heaven or giant explosion. Nothing. Oh, except for the tree withering, which causes Jonah to have a meltdown. I always used to look down on Jonah for acting so childishly, yet when everything seems to be going wrong, it’s easy to break down and protest over the tiniest inconvenience.

To us, God’s justice seems to be the best option in this situation. People’s hearts were changed by Jonah’s words, which saves more lives than if God had destroyed the city. Then, in Nahum, we learn that when God knew the later generations of Ninevites wouldn’t have soft hearts, He ended up destroying the city, which is exactly what Jonah had wanted. Yet only God knew which hearts would change, and because of His never-ending grace, He gave the people the time they needed to grow.

But to Jonah, who could only see a sliver of what God could see, the situation was dire. Nothing seemed fair, and that’s the thing about God’s grace, it isn’t fair. But the unfairness doesn’t happen to us, necessarily. It happens to God. It isn’t fair to God to send His only Son to die for us. It isn’t fair to God to save Jonah after he disobeyed and disrespected Him. It isn’t fair to God to rescue violent people and give them a second chance. Yet it’s through His love and knowledge that’s distributed equally to us that He allows unfairness to exist. And through that wisdom, His justice is served.

The unrepentant people will be punished, even if not on Earth. But the ones whose hearts accept Jesus will be saved. And we should simply be thankful for that.

Yet, though we call for equal rights, we are often angry by God’s equal love. We don’t like that God loves people on the other side as much as He loves us. We don’t like that God gives second chances. We don’t like that our enemy has the same opportunities that we have to God’s mercy and forgiveness.

We, my friends, are like Jonah. We have received God’s grace. We have received numerous chances. We are given more than what we can possibly ask for, yet we often focus our eyes on what seems unfair to us.

I am extremely guilty of only paying attention to the present trials. I often forget that our God is a God of the future, the present, and the past. God has proven Himself time and time again. He wants us to understand that justice will be served, but not in our way, in His way. And His way is always right.

Why, you may ask, is His way always right? Because He is the only one who can comprehend the bigger picture. It’s honestly a wonderful thing to not have to be burdened with the knowledge of everything. God is freeing us from that burden and allowing us to simply be present in the lives of those around us. He wants us to continue calling out to Him, to yearn for justice, but for that justice to be out of His love and grace and discernment.

I don’t want you to stop seeking justice. I don’t want you to stop caring about people in need. That wouldn’t be biblical at all.

What I want, however, is for us to long for what God wants. I don’t want us to waste our lives second-guessing God’s choices. God knows exactly what He’s doing, and it’s for the greater good. I am praying for us to have peace as we do as much as we can to show others God’s love and realize that’s enough.

God is a God of justice and He will never fail.

When my life was ebbing away,
I remembered you, Lord,
and my prayer rose to you,
to your holy temple.
Jonah 2:7

I knew that you are a graciousand compassionate God, slow to anger and abounding in love, a God who relents from sending calamity.
Jonah 4:2

The Lord is slow to anger but great in power;
the Lord will not leave the guilty unpunished.
Nahum 1:3

When Life’s Just Plain Mean

Are you feeling tired, burned out by all that’s going on around you? Take the time to rest and nourish yourself.

I started off writing a post about life’s interruptions. I have had my share of interruptions recently, and though things haven’t exactly made sense, all my experiences seemed to tie together for that post. I was really excited about it, feeling God’s hand on the piece, and then when I went to post it, half the article got deleted.

I collapsed in my chair, tears streaming down my face, about ready to throw my computer out the window. Yes, things get deleted a lot, but, as I’ll share in that post (which I am definitely going to finish–the enemy can’t win that easily!!!), a lot has been going on in my life that hasn’t made sense. In fact, these things have drained me, shaken me, broken my heart, and have resulted in poorer mental and physical health this summer. This felt like the last straw. If at least one good thing could come out of the situation, I thought, then maybe things would begin to make sense.

But you know what? Life doesn’t always make sense. I often try to put meaning behind everything (which I still believe that everything is intentional), but sometimes we just have to allow ourselves the time to grieve. Grieve what was, grieve what is, grieve what might be to come. Letting go is hard. Change is hard. Acceptance is hard.

I’m sure you know all these things by now. In fact, you’re probably waiting for me to finally tell you something you don’t know. Well…I don’t know if I can do that today.

Here’s what I will tell you. Whatever you’re going through matters. No matter how small, no matter how big, no matter how many people it affects. As long as it affects someone (and yes, you are a someone) then it matters. If it matters to you, it matters to God.

God promises to be with us through everything. That doesn’t mean we won’t have storms come our way, but it does mean we will never be alone. It’s okay to be angry and hurt and frustrated. But instead of lashing out at others or criticizing yourself or throwing your computer out the window, call out to God. He wants to hear from you during every single season of your life, including the painful, overwhelming ones.

And once you’ve done that, rest. Take time to breathe. Take time to listen to calming music or visit a place that brings you joy. Things won’t be solved overnight and you may not feel better that fast either. However, each day is brand new, full of an opportunity to be replenished by God’s peace and grace. Take however long you need to let your heart heal. You’re worth it.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30

Hope for When You Don’t Belong

Do you pour out your heart for others, only to end up being their “second choice”? Here is hope for those left behind, wondering where they fit into this mess called “life”.

Sometimes it feels pointless. You are there for others, you prioritize them, and then they make you their second best option, if even that. You let their words–or rather, lack of words–define who you are.

But even if you are never chosen by the people you love, remember this:

The world is not full of truth. People don’t know what they are missing. You aren’t missing out–they are. By continuing to be faithful, you will do something much greater than be “chosen”. You will leave a lasting legacy. A legacy full of love. And guess what?

You are chosen.

Maybe not by the people who fill your mind and break your heart, but by the people God has led to love you. You may not know who they are yet, but they are there. Praying, watching, waiting, hoping. They may not fully understand why God has placed you on their hearts, but you are being looked out for.

Most of all, God chose you. He chose you when He sent His son as a sacrifice. He sent Jesus as your salvation and proof of His love. He chooses you every day, even when our sin breaks His heart.

You are someone’s first choice. You are God’s first choice. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise. You will always be cherished and loved by the One who knows every single part of you. And He will never, ever leave you behind. ❤

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.
1 Peter 2:9

And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever— the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you.
John 14:16-17

Here is a podcast episode related to today’s post! I hope you enjoy it!

Episode link: https://anchor.fm/hannah-chung4/episodes/Hope-for-When-You-Dont-Belong-e15okoq/a-a1plh4

All Together

Do you find it difficult to relate to people who seem to have it all together? Is it tempting to only share the parts of your life that are going well?

Recently, I’ve heard a lot of people note how, especially within the church, we are inclined to share how we successfully made it through past pain and difficulties, yet we are reluctant to reveal how we don’t have it all together in the present. The more I’ve thought about this, the truer it sounds. When we pretend like we have everything figured out, we are doing a disservice to both ourselves and the people witnessing our spiritual journey.

The truth is, no one has life figured out completely. They may look like they do, but they really don’t. Last week, I had lunch with an old friend, and we were discussing our plans for the next year. She eagerly shared how she would be joining a smaller community which she described as “nerdy”, which she looked forward to being a part of. I remarked that meant she wouldn’t feel like she had to keep up an image of having it all together. She laughed and replied, “When have I ever looked like I’ve had it all together?”

This is coming from someone who had the perfect grades in school, a great family, a comfortable home, played on a pro soccer team, nearly published a book at age 18, and had a decent sized friend group. To the outside observer, yeah, she did seem like she had it all together.

Prior to her confession of not “having it all together”, I assumed she saw herself as a successful, brilliant young woman with a bright future ahead of her. In fact, I was even a little intimidated by her as I thought about how far she had come in her goals while I felt so far back. Yet in that moment, I realized how truly terrible it is when we assume others have it better than we do.

When we see someone win a gold medal or receive a promotion, we don’t always hear about the sweat and tears it took to get where they are today. When we enviously watch others find the love of their lives or a boss who finally respects them, we don’t know about all the people who have rejected them or belittled them in the past. The point is, we don’t each others’ full stories. Even if everyone read a memoir written by everyone else, we still wouldn’t know each others’ daily thoughts and struggles. There’s no way we can take on that kind of responsibility.

That’s why it’s important to focus on the tasks God has given us specifically to do instead of looking over our shoulders at people who seem to have it better.

Additionally, when given the opportunity to share our testimonies, whether in front of a small group or one-on-one with a friend, we need to honest about how God is using our daily lives. That includes our setbacks, our moments of wondering whether or not we really overcame our past fear or regret. It also includes appreciating the little joys of each day, knowing that they may fade away tomorrow, yet we can still enjoy them in the moment.

Today, let yourself be vulnerable where you are being called to be vulnerable. Obviously, not everyone is in a place to hear about the deeper parts of your story. However, when God is calling you to share your story, don’t allow the temptation to appear as perfect as possible take over. Remember how the relatable messages of others have resonated with you. People can’t learn from human “perfection”. However, we can learn from the truths buried inside life’s ups and downs.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
Ephesians 4:29

If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.
John 15:7

Song Recommendation: All Together, by Mike Donehey: https://youtu.be/IV2PdVlcUDw

Don’t Forget the Constant

Do you ever feel an emptiness inside you that you’re longing to fill?

Humans are created with an innate desire to have an intimate relationship with another being. I use the term “being” lightly, because it’s not always a person. Sometimes it’s the obvious of a romantic partner; other times it’s the desire to have a close friend, mentor, or even an emotional support pet. Sometimes the “being” is a hobby or activity or lifestyle.

I’ve spent much of my life searching. Searching for a close friend, searching for romance at times, searching for a spiritual mentor, searching for someone who will fulfill this ache.

Now, you might be thinking, come on, Hannah, God’s always there. Was this “searching” happening before you came to faith?

Honestly, no. It started a few years ago, or at least consciously started at that time. That was right during the beginning of my deeper relationship with God. It was during a season of loneliness that I realized two things:

That I really need God
And that I really wanted someone (a person) to fill this void inside me

Over the past two months, I’ve learned a lot about some people I’ve held (and still hold) in high regard. I counted on them, and to be honest, they let me down. But I also saw a new side to them, and I’m thankful to know the whole picture so that I can better understand them. Yet it’s been really hard realizing that I can’t count on these people that I had hoped would fill the void.

I jumped from person to person in the hopes of finally finding someone who respected me, who enjoyed deep conversations, and who could be there for me emotionally and spiritually. I’d find someone for a season, and then they moved on. But what I longed for was a permanent person.

And today I hit rock bottom. Okay, that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but the build up of some hard things finally toppled me over. I had to take a deep breath and deal with my feelings. And that’s when I came to an important realization: I had been trying to fill God’s place with a person. That’s why I never felt satisfied.

Not only that, but I started to think of a few people I’ve taken for granted. A few close friends, good listeners with a steady presence, who have been constants in my life. Yet I discounted them during my search because I wanted something “bigger”. I wanted someone who would take God’s place, someone tangible with quick responses.

But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how God used my loneliest seasons to bring me closer to Him. He wasn’t bringing me through those times to be cruel, but to give me what my heart desired, His constant presence.

God has always been there. He will always be there. And while we can’t touch Him or feel Him or hear His audible voice, we can see how He’s working. I enjoy comparing God to love, not just because God literally is love, but because it is the best analogy for Him.

We all believe love exists (at least in some capacity). But we can’t see love, can we? We can’t feel the essence of love. We can’t hear love’s voice. Yet we know it’s there. We can see the way love brings people together and heals old wounds. We can see love transform lives.

God’s the same. We can feel God through others or nature or really through anything God chooses. We can see Him working even if we can’t physically see Him. We know that He is there simply by a feeling, by the signs around us.

Don’t discount the constants in your life, especially God. Don’t forget about the people who may not be the most “exciting” or take that void away, but who have been placed in your life to bring you closer to God.

Anything you put before God isn’t going to last. It could be something really great, but it’s not greater than God. And when you’re mad at God for taking something away, stop and ask if it was taking you away from God.

God is with you through it all. You are never truly alone. ❤

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.
Deuteronomy 31:6

Are My Problems Too Big for God?

It can be easy to feel overwhelmed by life. What burdens do you need to give to God today?

It’s easy to forget that God is, well, God. The most powerful Being to ever exist. The One who created the solar system and oxygen and humans and giraffes (yes, giraffes, because they are awesome and who else could even think of that kind of creature??) and more things than there are numbers to count them!

It’s especially easy to forget that we should be in awe of God when life is going, in the words of my friend, pretty stinky. Because when things don’t go the way we planned or when it’s hard to see how God could possibly use this difficult or painful or downright irritating situation, we lose hope. We forget why it’s actually a positive thing to have God in charge.

Recently, I’ve witnessed a person I care about go through one of the hardest times of his life. It’s hard to understand why God can allow him to hit such a low. It’s one thing to want everyone to be saved and to know God loves them, but it’s completely another when you see a person who has such potential and already a close relationship with God be in such pain.

I’m sure we’ve all had our moments of doubt. Perhaps it was after an opportunity fell through or a relationship ended or a passion died out. We wonder why God has taken us through such barren wasteland, or maybe we even second-guess ourselves and wonder if we were even following God to begin with.

Yet over the past several weeks, as I’ve experienced both extreme joy and sorrow, as well as disappointment and confusion, God has made one thing clear to me. Before we are even born, God has chosen us. He has a purpose for us, and instead of that purpose being some sort of “idea” floating around, it is a tangible thing. God is intentional. He never allows us to experience anything that He didn’t take into account for.

Two and a half years ago, during one of the toughest times of my life, God sent me a verse, Psalm 116:8, “For you, Lord, have delivered me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling.” Little did I know how that verse would play a role in my faith journey years later.

I wouldn’t call myself an artist, or at least a painter. However, I do enjoy painting as it’s very therapeutic for me. I’ve given my paintings, usually an abstract or ombre background with a verse or inspirational quote, as gifts before. I felt God leading me to paint something for my friend going through a rough time. I knew I should paint a verse, yet I wasn’t sure what verse to paint.

Ironically, the day before, I randomly decided to go through my old journals (there are 19 of them, so it’s no small feat, but clearly something I don’t do often). Anyway, I came across Psalm 116, which I had forgotten over time.

In that moment, I knew that was the passage to choose a verse from. I landed on verse 6 because it seemed more fitting. The next morning, right before I delivered the gift, I noticed my verse of the day, which just so happened to be Psalm 116:8.

God knew back when He first gave me that verse that it would encourage me, and someday be used through me to encourage another person. God had already chosen me for the tasks He’s given me now way back then and even before that.

It’s easy to think that our problems are too big for God. But let’s be honest, while our problems are difficult and can hurt, are they really bigger than defeating evil and creating the entire universe? I don’t think so.

God’s got this. I know it’s easier said than believed, but if you really think back, perhaps you can see how God has worked through situations you previously couldn’t understand. God can do so much through us, but we have to listen to Him. We have to trust that even when things don’t make sense, He has a bigger plan. He knows the future and He will only give us what’s meant for us.

So when you’re disappointed or overwhelmed, give those feelings to God. Remember that He has your best interest in mind and He is always with you.

Praise the Lord, all you nations;
extol him, all you peoples.
²For great is his love toward us,
and the faithfulness of the Lord endures forever.
Psalm 117:1-2

Oh, the depth of the riches and wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable are his judgments and how inscrutable his ways!
Romans 11:33

The Lord protects the unwary,
When I was brought low, He saved me.
Return to your rest, my soul,
for the Lord has been good to you.
Psalm 116:6-7

Words of Wisdom

Have you been hurt by someone’s words in an argument?

We all have that one phrase that gets under our skin. It’s usually a criticism, and something people don’t realize harms us. Often it’s meant to shine a light on a weakness of ours (or maybe a perceived weakness that we’re working on), but it wounds instead.

For me, it’s being called “selfish”. I’ll never forget the time in middle school when I was first outright called selfish. My mom and I were in an argument and she used that term against me. That stung deep because my whole life, growing up as an only child, everyone assumed I was self-centered. And I’ll admit, I’ve had moments of being selfish. However, it was something I was working on and worked so hard to not be. I felt like a burden and did everything I could to not make things about myself, even sacrificing my sanity sometimes. But there it was, that evil word. This particular irritation, this deep wound that comes when it’s implied that I’m not thinking of others, must stem from this feeling of needing to earn my worth, of not sacrificing enough. Often, these “trigger phrases” come from past pain and deep seeded lies from the enemy. Nonetheless, they cause us to spiral into self-doubt and cause us to forget who we are in Jesus.

I don’t blame my mom, or others who have used this adjective. My mom even denies having that argument because she can’t imagine saying that and she affirms me on a regular basis. However, whenever the word “selfish” comes up, it still stings.

Today, when I shared how I felt about a sensitive subject with a friend, she shot back, “You’re not the only one going through hard things.” That hurt. That hurt a lot. To me, that was an implication that I’m a selfish person. While she didn’t mean to wound me, it went far deeper than she realized.

But this post isn’t a debate of whether or not I’m a selfish person. It’s about what I’ve learned from being hurt by other people’s misguided remarks. I know I’ve hurt others with my words before, especially words coming from an angry place.

Words hold a lot of power. A lot more power than we realize. We won’t always realize how much they can change others’ lives, whether for good or bad. That’s why we have to be careful with our words, using them sparingly sometimes, or inserting them into heated conversations to bring peace other times.

The issue with words is that they are so easy to say or type or write. In a few seconds, there can be a whole angry paragraph on text sent out. Or in the blink of an eye, we’ve opened our mouths and spit out the very same hurt someone else has thrown at us. When we don’t think, we can’t exercise wisdom.

Now, I’ll be honest, it’s pretty much impossible to never hurt anyone’s feelings, especially with your words. But it’s important to always keep in the back of your mind that your words may have more impact than you realize. So make that impact positive. Make your words be what lifts people up.

For me, the phrase “You’re never alone” has stuck with me from a prayer a friend prayed over me during a retreat during one of my darkest times. Still when I hear it, I feel an instant sense of warmth and love. I feel God’s presence beside me. It has the opposite effect of “You’re not thinking of others”.

We all have weaknesses. I have more than I can count, and sometimes selfishness is one of them. Sometimes speaking before I think is one of them. When we see a brother or sister in Christ struggling with a sin that’s hurting others, we should find a way to help them work through it. But we shouldn’t make them think that they are any less of a person by struggling with something because we are no more perfect than they are.

It is by God’s grace that we are here, and when we extend that grace to others, we will begin to see the world in a whole new light. The light of God’s unfailing love. ❤

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.
Ephesians 2:8

This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.
James 1:19