Devotional – Page 20 – The Will to Wake Up

Carrying Courage, Abandoning Shame

What should you save and let go of as we head into the new year?

To this day, I absolutely love scented body wash. When I was growing up, I loved my body wash so much that I refused to use up a bottle. When there was about 1/4 left, I’d stash the bottle under the sink and find a brand new one.

I’m not entirely sure the logic behind this scheme. Seeing the bottle collect mold and dust didn’t enhance my shower experience. In fact, I felt wasteful as I tossed several disgusting bottles away years later. Yet there was a part of me that felt I had to save the remains of each bottle just in case I’d need it later.

Now, this story may seem a little ridiculous, but hear me out. As we head into 2022, we are all carrying more than we should. I don’t just mean in terms of our possessions, though a new year’s cleaning may be therapeutic 🙂 We are carrying too much in our hearts.

Have you been walking around with a lifetime of broken memories and scars from the wounds of others? Have you been harboring resentment towards others who still don’t seem to be worthy of forgiveness? Perhaps you are saving the fragments of a mistake in order to get what you want.

Our mind lies to us, telling us that we can’t be better than this place we’re in. The darkness in our hearts that emerges when we harm ourselves or others, even internally, forms a block in our path. We can’t move forward like this.

Whether you are ashamed of your past or you are frustrated by someone else’s mistakes, I encourage you to let go of shame as you enter this new season. It may not seem “fair” to forgive yourself or others, especially if someone got hurt along the way. However, by allowing yourself to accept this generous gift from God, you are released from the chains of hopelessness and despair.

But we shouldn’t walk into 2022 empty handed, right?

It takes great courage to face unknowns, particularly after the past few years we’ve had. Yet we can have courage because God is always with us.

A few weeks ago, I asked my Sunday schoolers what helps them feel less afraid, and they unanimously replied, “Having someone with me.”

We always have someone with us, even when we feel alone and afraid.

Take God with you into 2022. He is the one thing that will never mold or decay, nor get stolen or lost. He will always be waiting to show His love and mercy towards you.

May 2022 be a year full of hope, peace, and patience as we watch our lives unfold according to God’s greater plan. You are here for an incredible purpose, and I believe God will use whatever comes your way to shape you into the person you are designed to be.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.
Psalm 46:1-3

The Power of a “Thank You”

When have you been particularly touched by a simple act of gratitude?

Thank you. The magic words alongside “please” and “may I”. This simple phrase that we often disregard or use simply out of politeness may be the answer to saving your relationships.

A family member of mine has worked for years for a company that surrounds him with untrained “assistants”, a demanding boss, and a mountain-load of work that spews into his vacation time and weekends. Understandably, he has wished to leave this company for quite some time. You might think a raise or a promotion or a superior title might convince him to continue his job. But no–all he wants is one thing: a simple “thank you”.

A few days ago, a friend reached out with a kind message of appreciation. Up until this point, I was weary of helping this person and considered distancing myself from the friendship. But this message provided renewed energy and a desire to be there for them.

A person close to me has been a devote member of her church for nearly a decade. She offers her time, talents, and energy into a volunteer position that has enough work to really be a paid job. She particularly poured her heart into the Christmas activities and gifts for the leadership team and children’s families. But all she got in return was a half-hearted, pre-printed card, and a candle with wax spilling down the sides. She didn’t serve for the recognition (or else she certainly would’ve left a long time ago!). All she wanted was a simple “Merry Christmas”, a thank-you for her efforts.

Can thank-you’s really be that powerful? Can they transform relationships, work environments, and communities?

I believe they can.

I don’t mean a hastily tossed out “thank-you” as you head out the door. I mean taking the time (which often only takes a few minutes) to send an appreciative text or mail out a thoughtful card. If you are feeling more generous, taking this person out for lunch or buying a small gift. Don’t do it out of obligation, but out of your admiration and gratitude for this person.

We often come up with excuses to not show our gratitude. We’re “too busy” or “don’t have enough money”. But we don’t have to spend money or take much of our time to remind others that they are loved, that their efforts don’t go unnoticed. Just showing up and listening to them can be enough.

At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself: Is this person worth the effort it will take to make them feel appreciated?

I hope the answer is yes. In fact, I hope the answer is that they are worth much more than whatever you can offer.

The truth is, when we have someone in our lives that restores our hope in humanity, who is there in our time of need, or simply makes the world a brighter place, we feel like we have little to offer in return.

That’s the real reason we are scared to say “thank-you”. We don’t believe we can return the favor, so we don’t even try.

But trust me, whatever you do will make a difference. When our acts of service or generosity come from a heart of love, then it won’t matter how big the reward is, if any.

Today, think of someone who has changed your life, even in small ways. Now, take the time to thank them in an intentional way that you know they will personally appreciate. You won’t regret it.

And as this year comes to an end, thank God for His blessings, despite a difficult year, and the people He has placed in your life.

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.
Colossians 2:6-7

Never Too Late for Prayer

Is there ever a time when prayer won’t help?

I’ll admit it: I often underestimate the power of prayer.

When a tough situation comes up that I have no control over, I get upset that “all I can do” is pray, when in reality, prayer is the most powerful weapon we have against the brokenness in our world. Certainly we should take action when opportunity allows, but prayer should be our first priority.

This evening, my family said goodbye to an elderly family member over the phone. This side of my family hasn’t accepted Jesus, and at this point, it feels hopeless. What’s the point in praying for them when they are reaching the end of their lives? What can Jesus do when they can’t even talk or move anymore?

But something I must remind myself is that we should never underestimate the power of prayer. Jesus can do anything, right? Even turn a hopeless situation around.

But when things don’t go the way we pray, it’s easy to lose faith that prayer even works.

Jesus doesn’t promise us that our prayers will be answered the way we hoped, but He does promise that it will make a difference. Every prayer counts, even when it’s our last resort.

To our last breath, Jesus pursues us. If you are being faced with an impossible situation or a person you feel tired of praying for, remember that your efforts are helping. The Holy Spirit intercedes for us so that God hears our every prayer. He listens to us no matter what.

It’s never too late to pray. We never truly know all that Jesus is doing in the hearts of those we love. Remember: He loves them even more than we ever could. ❤

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.
Romans 8:26-27

Celebrating the Prince of Peace

How are you longing for peace this Christmas?

I hope you are having a very merry Christmas!

No matter how you are feeling today, I’m sure we are all longing for peace. The funny thing is, while Christmas celebrates the birth of the Prince of Peace (aka Jesus), Christmas has become a chaotic time.

We are searching for peace after endless shopping and crazy spending.

We are searching for peace when our mind tells us we aren’t good enough or happy enough to fully appreciate Christmas.

We are searching for peace when we are running from one activity to the next, hoping that finally things will click and feel like the “most wonderful time of the year”.

We are searching for peace when we are missing a loved one who made Christmas magical.

How are you searching for peace this Christmas?

To be honest, I’ve been giving that question a lot of thought recently. While I’ve been able to heal and restart over my holiday break, I’ve had trouble truly feeling the “Christmas spirit” this year. It feels like something is missing.

I’ve wracked my brain over and over again, trying to figure out what that missing piece could be. Sure, some traditions haven’t happened and I haven’t been able to see family this year. But that doesn’t seem to be it.

The Christmas season flew by in the blink of an eye. It feels like sand slipping through my fingers. Little bits of magic just out of grasp.

What is that void? Lacking peace. Fearing the world after Christmas.

I’ve been reading through the book of Luke, and one of Jesus’ remarks caught my eye. As He is riding through Jerusalem shortly before His death, He expresses sorrow for the crowd.

As he approached Jerusalem and saw the city, he wept over it and said, “If you, even you, had only known on this day what would bring you peace—but now it is hidden from your eyes.”
Luke 19:41-42

Though He’s speaking to the Israelites in this passage, I believe this lament is applicable to us today. That gap in our hearts is a longing for peace, the peace that only Jesus can bring.

And the thing is, we can know Jesus and love Jesus and fully understand the true meaning of Christmas, yet still lack peace. It’s not until we accept that peace can only come from Jesus that we begin to experience inner healing.

Peace is an unexplainable thing. By definition, peace is “harmony, tranquility, and freedom from oppressive thoughts or emotions” (Merriam Webster Dictionary).

We are lacking peace because we are being oppressed by our destructive thought patterns, the trauma of living through the pandemic and all the unique trials of the past two years (or longer), and the utter state of brokenness in our world.

How can we have peace amidst all of this? How can we hold onto the true miracle of Christmas once the presents are unwrapped and the tree is taken down?

We can immerse ourselves in God’s word. We can ask God for healing. We can close our eyes and take a moment to simply breathe.

Allow peace to become a regular part of your life. Cherish the moments of stillness and accept that being still doesn’t mean you are weak, but rather that you care about yourself and others enough to appreciate the gift of quiet.

I hope and pray that you are able to feel God’s presence this Christmas. He has overcome the world and promises us a better future. We have nothing to fear.

Merry Christmas! ❤

May God himself, the God of peace, sanctify you through and through. May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The one who calls you is faithful, and he will do it.
Thessalonians 5:23-24

You Can’t Stop God

How do you view God?

Not when you were a child, not when you were a teen, not even yesterday, but today. How do you view God?

For many people, God is this powerful, tyrannical being who refuses us our desires and makes us earn His love. For others, God is a carefree parent who lets us do whatever we want out of the sake of His never-ending love.

To be honest, there are brief snippits of truth in both, yet it’s missing the core of who God is. But before I dig into that, I’d like move this conversation to the musical level 😉

I recently came across the song You Can’t Stop Me, by Matt Hammitt, that perfectly depicts our relationship with God. While this song could be a beautiful dialogue between two people (which it is!), I believe these lyrics are even more profound when spoken between us and God.

The song begins with these lyrics:

Keeping my heart at arm’s length
Pushing me so far away
Keeping my kindness at bay
Tell me who hurt you
Every time that you think
You’ll be too much for me to take
You give me a reason to stay
To see mountains move

Often, the reason why we are in a tense or distant relationship with God is because we have been hurt and misled about the character of God. We believe it’s safer to pretend like there isn’t a God so that we don’t have to “burden” Him with our lives.

However, God is given an even greater reason to pursue us when we believe our problems are too much for Him. God is given the opportunity to prove His love, such as Jesus did on the cross. God continues to show us reasons why He is powerful and all-knowing.

And if you don’t think I’m afraid
That loving you could bring me pain
Oh, I know that my heart could break
It’s a chance I’ll take

Now, God isn’t afraid of anything, but loving us does bring Him pain. While the earlier verses indicate God’s glory and supernaturalness, these verses remind us of God’s human qualities.

When Jesus sacrificed Himself on the cross, when He came down at Christmas to endure earthly trials, He did all this out of His love for us. However, He certainly endured pain and heartbreak at the hands of sin, our sin.

Yet He reminds us that we are worth it.

And you won’t let anyone see you
But I know that one day I’ll reach you
You won’t let anyone love you
But you can’t stop me

In our society, we often choose to hide our true feelings and lives in order to portray an idealized version of ourselves in the hope of pleasing others. But God sees us. He knows us to the fullest extent.

In the end, it’s not our choice whether or not God loves us. We can’t stop God’s love. He doesn’t force this love on us, but it will always be there for us to accept. And someday, He will make His face known to us.

So does this God sound tyrannical, unreasonable, or overly tolerant? I certainly don’t think so.

It’s out of His love for us that He wants us to change and grow into better people, which means He will let us go through difficult circumstances. But it’s also out of His love that He never gives up on us and is willing to sacrifice everything for us.

So, let me ask you again: How do you view God?

For me, on this very day, God is certainly powerful, deserving of our adoration and respect. God is also loving and merciful, forgiving me when I repent from my mistakes. But most of all, God is here. God is with me. God is with you.

God is love, so when we are with God (which is always) we have nothing to fear because there is no fear in love.

And the sooner we accept the fullness of God’s love, the sooner we will finally find hope.

But we ought always to thank God for you, brothers and sisters loved by the Lord, because God chose you as firstfruits to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through belief in the truth.
2 Thessalonians 2:13

To listen to You Can’t Stop Me, by Matt Hammitt (featuring Fleurie), check out this link: https://youtu.be/l_RUtxDRwJA

You are Somebody

Do you want to be “someone” in this world? Well, guess what? You already are!

A song that’s been stuck in my head the past few days is Someone to You, by Banners. A repeated line goes, “I just wanna be someone. Well, doesn’t everyone?”

Come to think of it, yes we do!

While this song implies finding a romantic partner, I believe we are all hoping to be someone in this world. We want to have meaning. And in a world of nearly 8 billion people, it’s a struggle to feel significant.

Often, on this quest to “be someone”, we get lost along the way. We may search for validation in romantic relationships, which leave us brokenhearted. Or perhaps we strive for a promotion or impressive resumé to boost our marketability. Maybe we think we can only be someone if we are famous or rich or popular.

And while the truth is that Jesus sees all of us as someone, this fact doesn’t bring us much reassurance. After all, if everyone is someone, then what’s so special about it?

Our society strives for uniqueness. Think about it in the fashion world. What’s more expensive, the mass-produced dress at Target or the hand-embroidered, one-of-a-kind designer gown? Obviously the one that’s harder to come by.

But here’s the thing: Jesus doesn’t work the way our society works. When He calls us treasured and valued and loved, it doesn’t matter that He also loves every single other person who ever existed. That’s because His love is infinite. It isn’t mass-produced, but unique and special to each individual.

As a kid, did you ever try taking home a stray animal or even a wild critter from outdoors? Your parents warned you not to name it because you couldn’t keep it. What’s so special about a name? Names build attachment; they form a connection.

Jesus knows us by name. In fact, He’s the one who named us and continues to call us by name. He knows every intricate detail of us, from the number of hairs on our head to our distant memories we can’t even remember anymore.

No matter what anyone says, you are somebody.

In fact, Jesus says that you aren’t just somebody. You are everything to Him.

Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine…Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life.
Isaiah 43:1,4

Jesus, Heal Our Land

Our broken world needs healing more than ever, but how can we obtain that?

I came across a verse this evening that really resonated with me.

If my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.
2 Chronicles 7:14

Now, for a bit of context before we dive into this passage, God is speaking to Solomon right after Solomon dedicated his newly constructed temple to the Lord. Clearly, the Israelites already have a track record of not listening to God after asking for a worldly, human ruler in place of God and constantly looking to other ungodly people groups to gain “inspiration” for how to live. However, even after everything, out of the endless love in His heart, God promises His people that He will listen when they call out to Him.

As you can see, our world is no better than the world during 2 Chronicles. There is so much man-made destruction of relationships, identity, nature, and internal wellbeing. People are dying every day at the hands of others’ selfishness. Others are suffering for the sake of wealth or status or even tradition. None of these things would be happening if God were recognized as our leader because God is just, merciful, and loving. We need deep healing in our land.

You might think that we are too far gone. And truthfully, I often feel that way as well. But God is always willing to give us a second (or millionth) chance. When we cry out, He listens. But we need to be in the right “heart space” in order to have this intimate relationship with God.

And where better to learn than through God’s own instruction?

Humble Yourselves

The first command God gives Solomon for the Israelites relates to humility. Pride (the opposite of humility) is one of our biggest separators from God. When we recognize that our worth comes from God alone, we accept that we need His grace and forgiveness in order to live fully. We cannot do anything by our own strength. The glory must truly go to God.

Pray

Prayer comes in many forms. The traditional list of prayer requests often feels lengthy and unnecessary. But prayers are really just a conversation with God. We need to build in time for listening and accepting the convictions He gives us. That often requires discomfort, but it’s worth it for the sake of growth. And if we have followed the first step, humbling ourselves, then we are more likely to be able to take the changes God wants for us. We are also given the opportunity to experience joy through gratitude during these times of prayer.

Unique ways to pray:

Prayer journaling

Writing letters to God

Singing

Taking a walk through nature and listening for God

Popcorn prayers (going back and forth with another person to list off what needs prayer)

Reading scripture

Seek My Face

We can’t just expect God to be waiting to serve us at our hands and feet. We need to make intentional effort to have a relationship with God too. By reading the Bible, listening for God, and truly having the desire to know Him, we will be able to seek His face. God loves a willing, inquisitive heart and will reward the efforts you make to find Him.

Turn from Your Wicked Ways

Something our culture doesn’t like to hear is that we do actually do things that aren’t right. Shocking, I know.

But seriously, while God loves us no matter what, He doesn’t want us to stay buried in our lives of sin. He wants to free us from the chains sin places on us. Knowing what is a sin and being willing to accept that we aren’t perfect requires all the previous steps (humility and knowing God’s character).

The awesome thing is that when we do things that are wrong, God doesn’t inflict shame upon us the way the world does. Rather, we are given hope that things can get better and that we are designed for greater things.

I hope you will join me in praying for our broken world. My heart goes out to all of you who have truly felt the weight of the world on your shoulders. You are loved. Don’t give up showing God’s light, we need it more than ever.

More Than You Can Bear

Are you feeling overwhelmed, wondering where Jesus is in the midst of all you’re going through?

Sometimes, life just feels like too much. One thing after another, spiraling into a season of chaos. And when one stressful season ends, it feels as though another is just around the corner. During these times of uncertainty, you may only have the energy to ask God one simple thing: “Why?”.

To be honest, I’ve been asking God “why” a lot recently. Why this school, why these feelings, why don’t I understand?

What are some questions you have for God? Maybe they are related to your mental or physical health, or perhaps an important relationship in your life. There are countless things to question God about; the tough thing is waiting for an answer.

Yesterday, I was feeling overwhelmed by the burden of wanting to do whatever I can to help others, yet not knowing where to start. I was reading about how my generation, Gen Z, is considered a “lost generation” due to the high levels of anxiety, depression, and overall despair. Everyone feels…alone. All they want is to feel something, which leads to an assortment of harmful behaviors that take the place of being fully cared for and embraced.

Do you ever read Bible verses that make you frustrated? Often these are verses that are designed to make us feel better, yet when they don’t, they almost feel like a mockery of our pain. We read verses about Jesus carrying our burdens and our joy being complete through Him, but when we feel hopeless, heavy, and tired, these promises become empty words.

So often, we expect Jesus to be like another person: fallible. We avoid calling out to Him because we assume our emotions are too much for Him or that He won’t follow through in time, if ever. And when we do call out, sometimes nothing changes for a while.

All we have left is our weak, exhausted soul calling out for help and clarity.

When I hear about all the things people are struggling with, I want to scream at the top of my lungs, “Where are you, Jesus?”. But for some reason, that feels wrong. How can I scream at the One who is the source of my joy and peace? He literally saved me. Shouldn’t that be enough?

But here’s the thing: Jesus doesn’t expect us to be satisfied just with His earthly appearance and sacrifice thousands of years ago. That’s why He’s given us the Holy Spirit, called our Advocate, to speak on behalf of us.

Jesus, God, the Holy Spirit…they are all-powerful, incomparable, divine beings who want to be in relationship with you.

The Holy Spirit is inside you, feeling everything you’re feeling, enraged about everything that bothers you, and desperately fighting for you. And when you take the time to listen, really listen, and look for the ways Jesus is showing you He’s there, maybe this burden won’t feel so lonely.

Last night, I wrote in my prayer journal, as I always do, yet I couldn’t feel Jesus. I couldn’t really feel anything except frustration and fear. I asked Jesus what I should do, but I didn’t hear anything. A little while later, I opened up my Bible to continue reading Nehemiah.

In that chapter, Nehemiah was assigning tasks to those helping him do God’s work of restoring a city that had previously been oppressed. One particular character caught my eye, a “faithful person who feared God more than most”. This man was given an important task, a task that was clearly not for the faint of heart. However, Nehemiah, through the guidance of God, knew he could handle it because of his obedience and dedication to God.

Right in that moment, I felt Jesus speaking to me, reminding me that He has given me this life because He knows that I can make good use of it. He knows that it’s hard, but He has equipped me with everything I need to carry on.

I believe that Jesus is telling you the same thing. No matter what you are going through, Jesus is right beside you. He is waiting for you to call out to Him. He wants everything, even your toughest questions. He’s making a way for you, even if you can’t see it yet.

I encourage you to make the time to simply rest with Jesus. Allow yourself to step away from the world and let His Spirit of peace fill your mind and heart. You never know what may come out of it, perhaps even a change in perspective and a renewal of hope.

Jesus promises to never give us more than we can bear. He knows you, He loves you, and He is ready to transform you into the person you are meant to be.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
James 1:2-4

God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
1 Corinthians 10:13

A song recommendation if you need encouragement: It’s Gonna Get Better, by The Young Escape: https://youtu.be/DDSNoibW41M

Dreaming of a Better Tomorrow

Is there a dream or a passion that you long to pursue, yet fear of displeasing God or others is holding you back?

I’m sure you’ve heard the expression “follow your dreams”. Christians enjoy bashing this phrase because it doesn’t indicate aligning your life with God’s will. While I agree that God’s will should come first in our lives, we also need to realize that our dreams and passions are often from God and should be heard. In fact, we can fall into the trap of using our interpretation of God’s will as an excuse to not go out and do what would make a difference.

How often have you not done something because you thought, “Oh, I haven’t heard explicitly from God that I’m supposed to do this, so it must mean I shouldn’t”?

We limit ourselves when we believe that God’s will fits into a box. If we don’t have the exact qualifications, then we don’t believe we’ll ever be capable. If we don’t have the financial support, then God must be calling someone else with more money.

We use these human excuses to prevent us from actually doing God’s will. We allow our fear of failure diminish the possibility of having an extraordinary legacy.

Here’s the thing: A lot of times, we don’t follow our dreams out of good intention. We think that we can’t enjoy doing God’s will.

Your heart is in the right place. However, I want to free you from this line of thinking.

God has given you your specific gifts and passions for a reason. In the world God created before brokenness entered, there were jobs for people to do, but He made sure they were meaningful. I’ll take the liberty of assuming that Adam enjoyed naming all the animals and Eve appreciated interacting with the creatures of the garden. A portion of their daily life was centered around being with God. That is within our calling as well.

You may be wondering if your dreams are in line with God’s will because certainly there are things that God wouldn’t tell you to do. Here are a few factors I take into consideration when determining whether or not I should pursue a dream:

It does not go against anything in the Bible.
You have a sense of peace, even if the circumstances seem impossible.
You have had people or opportunities that have affirmed this gifting.
After praying about it, some of your fears weaken.
You believe it could make a difference, even if the difference seems small.

God never changes, which means He will always encourage you to do things that bring restoration, hope, love, and truth into the world. Don’t let a dream labeled as “hard” or “unobtainable” discourage you. If something has never been done before, then perhaps you’ll be the first to do it. No one can make the exact same impact as you.

On a more personal note, a dream I’ve had since childhood has been writing books. Clearly I love writing, and over time, my passion for encouraging others has caused this love to deepen. A few weeks ago, God gave me the inspiration and time to create a short story photo book designed to encourage people. After it came together, I felt like God wanted me to publish it.

Yet scrolling through countless advice articles, watching helpful videos, and looking at my bank account, my enthusiasm began to dwindle. I waited for the proof (the author’s first copy) to come in the mail, but I decided it was just too hard and not good enough to publish.

But after showing the book to a few trusted people in my life, I began to sense God leading me towards publishing it again. The thought of bringing hope to others through my writing lifted a burden off my shoulders and ignited a fire within my heart. Once I said yes to the call, doors have begun opening up for me.

I know it won’t be easy. I doubt it will be a bestseller. But if it brings hope and light into at least one life, I know it will all be worth it.

You may not see the fruit of your hard work or the “proof of success” within your dream field. That can be extremely discouraging, but it doesn’t mean you aren’t making a difference. It just means that God is calling you to trust Him. Behind the scenes, He is always working. Nothing is impossible for you with God by your side.

God did this so that, by two unchangeable things in which it is impossible for God to lie, we who have fled to take hold of the hope set before us may be greatly encouraged.
Hebrews 6:18

When Saying “No” is Kinder Than Saying “Yes”

What if saying “no” actually improves your relationships?

Have you ever been in a situation where you are with a loved one and they ask you for a favor or want to do an activity with you? Even though you don’t really want to or lack the time and energy for it, you still say yes?

You rationalize this yes with “If I say no, then I’ll be hurting their feelings” or “I’m not a good friend/family member if I say no”. You may have even been taught that “no” isn’t allowed.

But the truth is, being able to say “no” is the key to having healthy relationships.

Slip into their shoes for a minute: Wouldn’t you rather have them be honest with you than go along pretending that they are interested, just for you to find out later that they only came out of obligation?

Plus, the more times you say yes to things you don’t want to do, the harder it will be to say no in the future. Maybe this one little favor doesn’t seem like a big deal, but then it builds up to a weekly thing or ends up taking you away from causes you feel more passionately about.

Yes, your initial “no” may cause your loved one to be disappointed at first. However, if they are truly someone who cares about your wellbeing, then they won’t let your answers stop them from wanting to be in a relationship with you.

When you really care about someone, you’ll want to do whatever you can to be on good terms with them and make sure they feel loved by you. The best way to have a healthy relationship is to be upfront with them from the beginning. Then they know you are trustworthy and mean it when you say you love them.

A disclaimer is that the Holy Spirit’s voice always overrides our feelings. If you do feel called to help someone or spend extra time with a friend, it could be the Holy Spirit intentionally placing you in their life for reasons you do not yet know. But make sure that when you do say “yes”, you are doing it for the right reasons.

Unhealthy Yeses

You feel obligated
You want praise or validation in order to feel needed
You feel like you have to return a favor someone else gave you
You are burnt out, yet you feel like you need to add more to your plate
You know deep down that you shouldn’t say yes
You are dreading helping this person

Healthy Yeses

You genuinely want to help and may even feel more energetic after being there for this person
You can feel the Holy Spirit guiding you into this action
It would not stress or overwhelm you
You have peace about saying yes

Saying “no” can be uncomfortable at first. However, the more you do it, the easiest it will get. Your yeses will have more significance once they are truly what you want and bring you peace. The way you uniquely love others will blossom beautifully when built on honesty.

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.
Ephesians 4:25

The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.
Proverbs 11:3