self-care – The Will to Wake Up

Reactions Versus Reality

Do negative reactions cause you to doubt your purpose?

The perfect gift: a little heart-shaped box filled with colorful paper strips of personalized compliments. I had worked so hard on it and I was so excited to give it to my friend. I was a little nervous to see this friend’s reaction, but I just knew it had to be encouraging.

But when I handed it to him, all I got was a “thanks” before the box was chucked into the back of the car and never to be spoken of again. Afterwards, I wondered if my act of kindness wasn’t really so kind? Perhaps I was in the wrong for thinking I could be encouraging.

Years later, as chuckle ruefully at the memory, I am reminded of how important it is to not allow others’ reactions remake reality.

When we do a kind act, but we are not appreciated for it, we are less inclined to go the extra mile in the future. When we wear something that makes us feel special, but someone teases us, we aren’t encouraged to express ourselves. When we choose to reach out to a lonely person, but that person doesn’t respond the way we intended, we regret our brave choice.

But that doesn’t make any of those actions bad or wrong. It doesn’t mean we should regret helping others or being true to ourselves.

It just means that people’s reactions shouldn’t dictate the way we live our lives.

Think about someone who inspires you. Someone who is kind, even on an off-day. Someone who forgives and is willing to move on. Someone who uses their talents to bring hope and light into the world.

What if that person let one negative reaction stop them from caring? What if that person chose to follow the crowd instead of shine their light?

Well, you know personally that the world would be far less beautiful without their gifts.

You are just as capable of making a difference as the people you admire. But we are all susceptible to being torn down by negative reactions.

So how can we combat discouragement?

By following a different guidebook for life. And I think you know which guidebook I’m talking about!

When we follow God’s calling on our lives (through reading the Bible, the best guidebook there is), we are able to live without regret. Even if people laugh at us, don’t understand us, or pretend like we don’t matter, we will know that our presence and our faithfulness is making a difference.

Today, I hope that you can rest assured that every single kind thing you do matters. Every smile, every check-in, every time you do something extra. It all matters, both to God and to greater humanity, whether you realize it or not.

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
1 Peter 5:10

When Saying “No” is Kinder Than Saying “Yes”

What if saying “no” actually improves your relationships?

Have you ever been in a situation where you are with a loved one and they ask you for a favor or want to do an activity with you? Even though you don’t really want to or lack the time and energy for it, you still say yes?

You rationalize this yes with “If I say no, then I’ll be hurting their feelings” or “I’m not a good friend/family member if I say no”. You may have even been taught that “no” isn’t allowed.

But the truth is, being able to say “no” is the key to having healthy relationships.

Slip into their shoes for a minute: Wouldn’t you rather have them be honest with you than go along pretending that they are interested, just for you to find out later that they only came out of obligation?

Plus, the more times you say yes to things you don’t want to do, the harder it will be to say no in the future. Maybe this one little favor doesn’t seem like a big deal, but then it builds up to a weekly thing or ends up taking you away from causes you feel more passionately about.

Yes, your initial “no” may cause your loved one to be disappointed at first. However, if they are truly someone who cares about your wellbeing, then they won’t let your answers stop them from wanting to be in a relationship with you.

When you really care about someone, you’ll want to do whatever you can to be on good terms with them and make sure they feel loved by you. The best way to have a healthy relationship is to be upfront with them from the beginning. Then they know you are trustworthy and mean it when you say you love them.

A disclaimer is that the Holy Spirit’s voice always overrides our feelings. If you do feel called to help someone or spend extra time with a friend, it could be the Holy Spirit intentionally placing you in their life for reasons you do not yet know. But make sure that when you do say “yes”, you are doing it for the right reasons.

Unhealthy Yeses

You feel obligated
You want praise or validation in order to feel needed
You feel like you have to return a favor someone else gave you
You are burnt out, yet you feel like you need to add more to your plate
You know deep down that you shouldn’t say yes
You are dreading helping this person

Healthy Yeses

You genuinely want to help and may even feel more energetic after being there for this person
You can feel the Holy Spirit guiding you into this action
It would not stress or overwhelm you
You have peace about saying yes

Saying “no” can be uncomfortable at first. However, the more you do it, the easiest it will get. Your yeses will have more significance once they are truly what you want and bring you peace. The way you uniquely love others will blossom beautifully when built on honesty.

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.
Ephesians 4:25

The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.
Proverbs 11:3

Loving Your Neighbor

We’ve all heard the familiar verse, “Love your neighbor as yourself.” However, what does this look like in real life?

For some, it means passing a stranger on the street and greeting them warmly. For others, it means donating their time and talents assisting those in need. It can be easy to see why it’s important to show others God’s love, especially since we know how wonderful it feels to be shown that love in return.

However, it’s not always easy to love everyone around us. And that’s how Jesus defines our “neighbors”: every single person you pass by, sit near in class, work alongside, or read about in the news.

One of the first things you’ll see when you open the Bible is the passage about God creating humankind.

So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them.
Genesis 1:27

We are created in God’s image.

Let that sink in for a moment. You don’t have to do anything to be “enough” for this great honor. Yet somehow, God chose you to reflect His perfect qualities and experience His infinite love.

But you are not the only one who is made in God’s image. Just as you should view yourself as God’s perfect creation, a reflection of God’s character, take a look around you at your community. Every single one of them, regardless of their past, their mistakes, their differences…they are made in God’s image too.

So when you extend to them God’s love and mercy, you are essentially giving back to God what He gave to you. Even if that person never thanks you, you can know that you will always do the right thing when you display God’s loving kindness.

Sometimes, going the extra mile feels like too much. And if it’s draining you completely, then you do need to take time for rest. But the small things matter too. Saying a simple “hello” or reaching out with a caring message might change someone’s entire day.

If you are still hesitant to do something for someone else, ask yourself why. Does it feel like too much of a burden? Does this person not “deserve” your time?

Maybe they don’t. But you know who does deserve your time? God. He’s the One who gave you all the time you have! And each time you treat someone the way God would treat them, you are showing God that you are making the most of the gifts He’s given you. You are telling God that you love Him, even if that love can’t compare to how much He loves you.

Today, think of a way (it doesn’t have to be big!) to show others God’s love. Who knows? Perhaps you might even make a lasting connection.

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law.
Romans 13:8

Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.
Romans 13:10

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
1 John 4:7-8

Trusting God with Our Unknowns

Are you struggling to let go because you didn’t get the closure or answers you hoped for?

Growth can be painful. Change can be painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.
Charles Spurgeon

I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “Let go and let God”. People debated that phrase within the faith community because some interpreted it as a lack of effort on our part. When we simply let go and let God, they believe we aren’t taking ownership over our situations.

I don’t know if I’m particularly a fan of this phrase, but I do think it has some value to it. Yes, we need to be proactive and not expect God to just handle everything while we sit back and relax. But when we’ve done everything we can and we need to let go, that’s when it’s time to step back and remember that God is much more powerful and capable than we are.

I’ll even go one step further by saying we should go into every situation with the mindset that we are not in control and we are walking hand-in-hand with the Holy Spirit, who is in control and can direct us to the right choices.

There’s a difference between being proactive and being controlling. When we are being proactive, we are listening to the Holy Spirit, not allowing our joy and contentment come from the outcome of our situations, and willing to do whatever God leads us to do. When we are struggling to be in control, we are grasping at any loose threads that bring us comfort, trying to find solace in whatever small victories may come, even at the expense of our own wellbeing. When we are working so hard at being in control, we miss the bigger picture. We forget why we are doing what we’re doing in the first place, even if it started out as a wonderful, beautiful thing.

To be honest, this summer, my actions have slowly morphed from being proactive to being controlling. The hardest time to “let God” take over is when we are faced with unknowns. These unknowns fill our hearts with anxiety, confusion, and panic. When we can’t see the end result, we are fixated on the limited view we have of the present.

God called me into a few different situations that required patience, dedication, and compassion. I believe I did everything I could to help. But then, God called me to step back, and that’s when I faltered. I didn’t want to step back. I didn’t want to let go. If I let go, I’d feel like a failure. “There’s always more I can do”, I thought.

Of course there’s always more we can do. But there isn’t always more we should do.

I’ll admit it, there’s a thrill that comes when people rely on me. It gives me a sense of purpose, which is good, but that can’t be where my purpose comes from. My purpose, and your purpose, has to come from God. Because while He doesn’t promise that the purposes found in people or careers will be fulfilled, He does promise that our purposes found in Him will flourish.

Sometimes God isn’t only calling us out of a situation for our benefit. While yes, the reason may be to renew your energy, it could also be because the person you’re helping is relying too heavily on you. They are turning to you as their crutch rather than turning to God for their healing.

Think about it this way. If you’ve ever broken a leg, or seen someone with a broken leg, you’ve realized how important crutches can be to help them be able to move. While crutches are helpful and necessary for a time, they still can’t do everything for the injured person. Eventually, the person will have to do the hard work of physical therapy in order to experience full healing. Though the therapy may be more painful, just like growing and turning to God during our difficulties can be harder than finding someone to rant to, it ultimately brings the lasting results.

It’s really hard, devastating even, to be faced with unknowns. I can’t tell you whether or not this person is still meant to be in your life. I can’t tell you why they left. I can’t, and shouldn’t, explain away all the feelings you are experiencing in this season of change.

What I can say, however, is that God loves both you and this person even more than anyone else ever could. Trust Him to take care of them. Trust Him to take care of you. There never would’ve been any of us without God. He created all of us for a reason and He won’t ever give up on us.

So, perhaps you should walk out in faith today and not give up on Him.

It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace.
Isaiah 55:11-12

He has saved us and called us to a holy life–not because of anything we have done, but because of His own purpose and grace.
2 Timothy 1:9

When Life’s Just Plain Mean

Are you feeling tired, burned out by all that’s going on around you? Take the time to rest and nourish yourself.

I started off writing a post about life’s interruptions. I have had my share of interruptions recently, and though things haven’t exactly made sense, all my experiences seemed to tie together for that post. I was really excited about it, feeling God’s hand on the piece, and then when I went to post it, half the article got deleted.

I collapsed in my chair, tears streaming down my face, about ready to throw my computer out the window. Yes, things get deleted a lot, but, as I’ll share in that post (which I am definitely going to finish–the enemy can’t win that easily!!!), a lot has been going on in my life that hasn’t made sense. In fact, these things have drained me, shaken me, broken my heart, and have resulted in poorer mental and physical health this summer. This felt like the last straw. If at least one good thing could come out of the situation, I thought, then maybe things would begin to make sense.

But you know what? Life doesn’t always make sense. I often try to put meaning behind everything (which I still believe that everything is intentional), but sometimes we just have to allow ourselves the time to grieve. Grieve what was, grieve what is, grieve what might be to come. Letting go is hard. Change is hard. Acceptance is hard.

I’m sure you know all these things by now. In fact, you’re probably waiting for me to finally tell you something you don’t know. Well…I don’t know if I can do that today.

Here’s what I will tell you. Whatever you’re going through matters. No matter how small, no matter how big, no matter how many people it affects. As long as it affects someone (and yes, you are a someone) then it matters. If it matters to you, it matters to God.

God promises to be with us through everything. That doesn’t mean we won’t have storms come our way, but it does mean we will never be alone. It’s okay to be angry and hurt and frustrated. But instead of lashing out at others or criticizing yourself or throwing your computer out the window, call out to God. He wants to hear from you during every single season of your life, including the painful, overwhelming ones.

And once you’ve done that, rest. Take time to breathe. Take time to listen to calming music or visit a place that brings you joy. Things won’t be solved overnight and you may not feel better that fast either. However, each day is brand new, full of an opportunity to be replenished by God’s peace and grace. Take however long you need to let your heart heal. You’re worth it.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30

The Process of Being Made New

Have you taken the time to rest and work through what’s hurting your heart?

I’m sure we’ve all had that one road we avoid driving on, that’s never properly taken care of. As I’ve shared before, I work at a horse riding barn, which is located in a reasonably rural area. The closer I get, the more beat-up the roads become. Potholes, overhanging branches, and a random assortment of odd objects clutter the road.

The last main road leading to the property has had a few major potholes since I’ve started driving on it. They’ve tried filling the potholes with cement or asphalt, yet they often end up getting bigger after a while. A few weeks ago, they tore up the entire road, stripping it of the outer layer and leaving a worn down rubble path.

I was horrified, to say the least. Sure, the old road with the filled potholes wasn’t ideal, but this disgusting torn up mess was terrible. I feared they were just going to leave it like that after a week went by with no progress. However, my boss assured me they were just stripping the road in order to put down fresh asphalt.

To be honest, I began to doubt her, until one day, out of the blue, the entire road had been re-paved! It’s fresh, shiny even, and the smoothest road I’ve ever driven on. They went all out by adding a sidewalk, ramps at the neighborhood entrances, and new paint. It looks pretty perfect, and on the surface no one would know how crumbly it is underneath.

Sometimes, in life, we like to cover up our brokenness by filling our lives with empty things. They can be things that seem good, and maybe they even are, like relationships, sports, hobbies, or even volunteering. However, when we are trying to soothe an old wound with these things, we will never get to the heart of the problem.

It’s easy to push ourselves forward without taking the time to work through our past hurt. We might take small steps, like filling in the “potholes” with temporary solutions. A talk here or a devotional there, or even a prayer sometimes. But when we don’t have the patience to sit down and really feel those painful things and let go, we can’t be made new.

And trust me, God wants to make you new. He wants to tear away all the images you’re hiding behind and see the real you. And perhaps that person is broken, hurting, and overwhelmed. Perhaps that person really doesn’t have it all together and isn’t sure who they are anymore. But God wants to meet you where you’re at and bring you long-lasting healing.

He isn’t going to just help you work through one incident, either. He’s going to go all out, bringing understanding and healing to the root issues and carrying your burdens for you.

When you trust in Him and allow His peace to flow through you, you are a new creation. The old is gone, the new has come!

It will surely take time, perhaps it might not even feel worth it. But trust me, when you look back later, you’ll be glad that you allowed yourself time to rest and process. You are worth the time it takes to heal.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
2 Corinthians 4:16-17

Song Recommendation: All Things New, by Big Daddy Weave: https://youtu.be/4_2aX_i4qpM

Your Presence Matters

Is it hard for you to believe you can make an impact? Here’s some encouragement and a reminder that your presence, in whatever form it takes today, matters.

As some of you may remember, this blog originally started out as an Enneagram blog. I’m not entirely sure what I was thinking since I’m not an Enneagram expert, though personalities fascinate me and the Enneagram is my favorite “organized personality” idea.

If you don’t know what the Enneagram is, it’s basically a way of categorizing humans into nine categories based on their childhood wounds, their current needs, as well as their strengths and weaknesses. I’ve researched a lot about the Enneagram, and one of the biggest parts of it is the message each type needs to hear the most. All of the messages, such as “you are loved without having to earn it” or “you can embrace both pain and joy”, are important for all people to understand, but they should resonate especially for their type.

I’m a type 9, which is called The Peacemaker, and we are known for being understanding, seeing all sides of situations, merging with the people around us, and not realizing our voices are important. The core message for 9s is “your presence matters”. While I love this phrase for 9s, I believe it’s one that you all need to hear today.

Sometimes, life can really, really suck. Like, really. Every day can feel agonizing. You wake up and wonder why you’re really here. It’s like an invisible burden that weighs a ton has been placed on your shoulders. You can barely breathe.

And during those times, it can be easy to forget why you’ve kept going this whole time. You may attribute it to fear or to not letting others down. But the truth is, the reason why you’re here is because you matter. You have an important role to play in the world. You are going to make a difference. In fact, you already have, just by being here.

It’s easy to forget the impact you have on other people’s lives. But even in the small ways, you are helping others along their difficult journeys too. Perhaps just seeing your name pop up on your friend’s phone makes them smile. Or maybe an encouraging word to a family member helped them not give up. Maybe holding the door open for a stranger at the grocery store or thanking a waiter caused them to realize someone still cares.

You may think you need to have it “all together” in order to make a difference. You may worry that everyone is watching you and judging you. And it’s true that there will always be judgemental people out there, but they aren’t the ones you should think about. They are just insecure and realize that perhaps you have something they don’t: confidence.

You don’t have to have it all together in order to make a difference. In fact, being vulnerable about the broken parts of your life, the parts that required you to seek help or turn to God, are the ones that people can relate to most. They can even be the most inspiring parts of your story.

Even if you don’t have a perfectly worded response, even if you forget to hold the door open, even if you can’t smile today, your presence alone is vital. Just by being here, in this space, you are bringing hope and joy to those around you. And they love you more than anything. ❤

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
John 16:33

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.
1 Peter 4:8

The Perfect Balance

Do you feel burned out, exhausted by life itself? May you find rest and encouragement through these words.

For those of you interested in the Olympics, I’m sure you’ve heard the headliner about U.S. gymnast, Simone Biles, withdrawing from her team’s competition this week. Each headline reads differently, but the one I love the most said, “Simone Biles’ Decision Changes the Way Athletes View the Olympics Forever”. By prioritizing her mental health, she is inspiring others who are pushing themselves too hard and encourages us to live life to the fullest rather than to please others. In fact, this choice means more than if she won gold. She could be saving lives by helping others realize their wellness matters more than any expectations placed on them. She will always be remembered, not just as a champion, but as an impactful advocate. Perhaps we can finally become a world that judges “success” not by metals but by how fulfilled and joyful people feel.

I’ve been thinking a lot about mental health recently. As I’ve shared, I’ve had my highs and lows regarding it. I’ve also witnessed others make life-altering decisions because of it, some to benefit them and others out of desperation. This is an issue that truly burdens my heart because so often people feel the need to “fit the mold” in order to be worth anything. They need to feel chosen by people, and if they are rejected, then they fear they have no future.

In all honesty, I have been rejected. Most of us have been rejected. Sometimes, we can just pass it off as that person’s loss and move on. Other times, it really stings. We hear a song that reminds us of them and we can no longer enjoy it. We want to reach out, but we don’t know how. We worry people will think we’re weak for needing a break or needing understanding.

We don’t all experience things the same way. Even if I had the exact same life as you, the things that bother you may not be the things that bother me. Things that cut deeper into me may not cut as deeply into you. That’s totally okay, and normal in fact. However, it means we have to be aware that people see situations in their lives differently, and we have to be sensitive to whatever stage of healing they are in, even if we would’ve healed faster or slower than them.

We need to be open and honest about our mental health. We need to seek the help we need or the space we need so that we can heal. And most of all, we need to turn to God and loving people He’s placed in our lives in order to remember where our worth comes from.

But we also can’t be fixated on one aspect of our lives. That’s often what gets us buried deeper into the hole of discouragement in the first place. When we only focus on our mental health, we can lose sight of our physical or spiritual health, or vice versa.

I was recently talking with a mentor who shared the three “healths”: spiritual (our relationship with God), physical (our lifestyle choices), and mental/emotional (how we feel, especially how much peace we have). There needs to be a balance between the three of them. God is working within each piece of this circle, but we have to do our part to give proper attention to each aspect.

But when we’re supposed to put God first, how can we have both balance and priorities? Well, prioritize listening to God. Ask Him what areas of your life you’re neglecting. If you continue to stay attuned to Him, you’ll be able to find that perfect balance.

Today, you may be feeling overwhelmed. You may be feel all alone. Perhaps you fear that nobody really loves you or cares or sees or knows. But I promise you that you are never alone. God knows you. He loves you and will always take care of you. He sees you, and He is putting you on others’ hearts so that they will see you and love you too. Whatever is burdening you right now will not last forever. Do what you need to in order to heal, regardless of how others might judge you. In the end, your life is between you and God. Your life is a gift, not just to you but to those who are privileged enough to be around you, to be your friend. You are worth whatever it takes to heal.

I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;
    he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me,
    I will call on him as long as I live.
The cords of death entangled me,
    the anguish of the grave came over me;
    I was overcome by distress and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the Lord:
    “Lord, save me!”
The Lord is gracious and righteous;
    our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the unwary;
    when I was brought low, he saved me.
Return to your rest, my soul,
    for the Lord has been good to you.
For you, Lord, have delivered me from death,
    my eyes from tears,
    my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before the Lord
    in the land of the living.
Psalm 116:1-9

10 Reasons to Stay

Are you struggling to understand why you’re still here? This is a reminder that you are so deeply loved. Here are ten reasons why you should stay simply for you.

When someone is struggling to understand their place here, their reason for existence, people often shame them. They say, “How can you think of leaving me? How can you do that to your family? That’s so selfish!” They provide countless reasons to stay, yet these reasons often come from a place of selfishness from the person being left behind, because they are struggling to cling onto a person they love and need. But today, I am sharing 10 different reasons to stay. Not because of what your absence will do to other people, but because of what you will miss if you leave.

1. Your purpose hasn’t been fulfilled yet

God pursues us until our very last breath. He uses every situation we’re in to make a difference, even in hospital rooms, lonely cars, broken relationships, and wounded hearts. God takes us when He’s ready, not when we are necessarily. That’s scary, but it’s for the best. It means that God has a plan for us up until His end.

2. You will fall in love someday

You may be feeling hopeless after a heartbreak or a person you love leaving. But I guarantee that you will fall in love again. That rapid, heart-pounding sensation that leaves a smile on your face, a twinkle in your eyes, and an airiness to your steps. Maybe it won’t be with a person. Perhaps it will be with a hobby, or a place, or with a new pet. But I promise that you will love again.

3. There are places you haven’t seen yet

Perhaps you are feeling stuck, whether it be physically in your hometown or in a career, relationship, or stage of life. But you will not remain there forever. You will grow and blossom into who you’re meant to be. You will leave a place in wonder, in awe of all that God is capable of. Just keep your eyes open to the possibility that there is more than what’s on the surface.

4. There are foods you haven’t eaten yet

Yes, this might seem trivial, but come on, good food is good food, am I right? Close your eyes and allow yourself to taste the best food you’ve ever had. Perhaps it’s a moist, rich piece of chocolate cake. Maybe it’s slippery, smooth noodles. Or the crunchy freshness of a summer salad. Perhaps you have yet to find your favorite food!

5. There are people you haven’t met yet

You may feel like no one sees you, loves you, or cares about you. Maybe you feel like a burden. But trust me, you are not. You maybe just haven’t found the right people yet. But you will. There are 7.9 billion people on Earth, and you can’t tell me you’ve talked to all of them and they’ve all rejected you, even if your mind lies to you and says that.

There are people out there who will love you just the way you are. They will sit with you and listen to you. They will make you laugh and think your jokes are funny too. They will care so deeply about you.

6. You will miss out on all that nature has to offer

Think about the beautiful sunsets you’ve seen. The swirl of tangerine orange, scarlet red, and navy blue. The puffy cotton-candy clouds painted across the sky. Or how about the sound of a trickling stream or the roar of a mighty waterfall? The soft fur of a kitten and the sloppy kiss from a puppy’s tongue. Sitting beneath a dark canvas, illuminated by bright, sparkling stars. Sticking your head out the window and allowing the cool breeze flow through your hair and nip at your cheeks. Bring yourself back to the place that fills your heart with peace.

7. You won’t know how strong you are until at the end of the battle

At times, I have struggled to understand why I’m here. But the truth is, we underestimate our strength. But it’s the most beautiful thing, looking back at the end of the battle, and seeing how far we’ve come. It’s the best feeling, a feeling that lifts us off our feet and makes us feel ten times as powerful. I don’t want you to miss out on that feeling.

8. God loves you

God didn’t create you by accident or put you in the situation you’re in because He didn’t have anything better to do. He didn’t give you the parents you have because He wanted to burden them. He didn’t give you your friends so that you can annoy them. Because the truth is, you don’t. You may feel like you do, but beneath what they may show you, they truly love you. God gave them you because He knew that you could make a positive difference in their lives.

God isn’t disappointed in you for feeling the way you do. How do I know this? Because no matter what you do or how you feel, His love covers it all. But He wants you to realize that through your weaknesses, His strength can be revealed.

9. I care about you

This is not to guilt you in any way. You don’t have to stay for me, but remember that there is someone who cares. You may think, “Oh she doesn’t know me.” And maybe I don’t. Maybe you’re sitting in a ball on the floor in the dark, a stray tear slipping down your cheek as you contemplate life. Maybe you are sighing in exhaustion after a long day of work and this article is your only escape. Maybe you’re sitting in your car, the light of your phone illuminating your face, a face that’s seen tearful goodbyes, angry authority figures, and words that have broken your heart.

Or maybe you aren’t experiencing any of those things, and that’s okay. Regardless of if we’ve met, spoken, or you don’t even know what I look like, I care about you. I care about you because you have been created by God, chosen and adored. Because I love God, I love you. When we love someone, what matters to them matters to us. You matter to me.

10. For some reason, God wanted you to read this

There’s a reason the title drew you in. There’s a reason you may have subscribed to my blog or clicked on the link. Something called you to it. It has nothing to do with me. It’s all God. God is sending you a message through this, revealing His love to you, and perhaps He’s given you even more reason to stay.

We don’t talk about mental health enough. We just don’t. It’s often seen as taboo or a point of disagreement, especially among Christians. But what are we doing? What are we accomplishing this way? Certainly not making people feel wanted or needed.

I don’t think it’s selfish to want to leave. I don’t. You might disagree with me, and that’s okay. But one of the first things I heard after a classmate died was that they were selfish for leaving their family and friends. For taking the “easy way”.

But I don’t think there’s anything “easy” about struggling to understand your purpose. I don’t think there’s anything “easy” about feeling like a burden. I don’t think there’s anything “easy” about having a brain that constantly replays the enemy’s lies to you.

Mental illness is exactly what the name suggests, an illness. And it should be treated like cancer or heart disease. We shouldn’t stop fighting for the people who suffer with it, or for ourselves, if we do. We should pray for healing, because God has the power to heal anything. But most of all, we should come around whoever is struggling and remind them that they are loved no matter what they are going through.

If that’s you today, I want you to know that I love you. I want you to know that God loves you, way more than I do. And even though each day may feel exhausting, you can make it through. I am proud of you for being here. For every breath you breathe, you can and are making a difference. ❤

But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you.
Psalm 5:11

Turn, Lord, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love.
Psalm 6:4

Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Psalm 23:6

Jesus called his twelve disciples to him and gave them authority to drive out impure spirits and to heal every disease and sickness.
Matthew 10:1

Boundaries: All I Learned From My Mistakes

Are you feeling burned out, as though the weight of the world is on your shoulders? Today I’ll be sharing everything I learned from my mistakes when it comes to making boundaries with people.

You’ve tried so hard to be nice. Now, though, things are catching up to you and you still see no reward. Your boss never gave you the promotion or recognition. The person you like still treats you like trash. Your family is only piling on more demands.

I think it’s pretty clear why we need boundaries:

For our own mental health

People who struggle with boundaries also often struggle with self-esteem. They believe they have to earn their way into someone’s heart by doing things for them, even at the cost of their own peace and time.

For our energy

When we are taking on too many tasks or carrying too many emotional burdens, we get exhausted. When we’re not rested, we aren’t helping anyone. We are often grumpy, not seeing situations clearly, and lacking in joy. Rest is so important, yet often put at the back-burner, and neglected when we take on too much.

For our relationships

Any good relationship of any kind deserves to be built on respect. But if one person acts like the workhorse of another, then there certainly isn’t respect happening. But it’s not just the person without boundaries who’s lacking respect. It’s also the person doing all the work. When we don’t make boundaries, we get annoyed at the people we are serving, and resent them more and more over time.

How Making Boundaries Changed My Life

I’ll be honest–I used to be terrible at making boundaries! Especially at church, because I thought it was wrong to say no to good opportunities. But the truth is, there will always be some opportunities that seem good, but just aren’t meant for us. Even now, I occasionally struggle, but I have grown a lot from my mistakes. Hopefully you won’t have to make the same ones as me, but if you have already, perhaps this will help you learn from your mistakes too.

Mistake #1: Repaying, and Repaying, and Repaying…

We all have that one person in our lives. You know the one. They act all friendly when they want something, eager to do anything for you. But then, once they do one favor for you, suddenly you’re indebted to them for life!

I’ve had this happen to me on multiple occasions, but most recently it occurred with a person at my church. She was a great help to me by offering to assist me in my college search and giving me wise advice. She even gave me some experiences I lacked in my college application process that required her time and energy. When I ended up choosing the college she recommended, I felt even more grateful to her.

However, we had a meeting shortly after this happened, where she asked me to help with three different ministries. I love all three of them– children’s ministry, youth ministry, and the host team. I wanted to help with all of them, and I had planned on helping with two. Yet, I was feeling swamped between my new job and demanding course load, which I had already told her about. But because she had done so much for me, the least I could do was agree to these commitments, right?

As I began to work more with her, my joy and affection for my church dwindled. I hardly ever got to listen to the sermon. I was frustrated working under her because I found out she wasn’t clear on giving directions or generous with appreciation. The other leaders I was working with were cold towards me. The students in one ministry seemed more interested in their phones than in even answering “how are you?”.

The worst part was that I blamed myself. The truth was, I could’ve said no. I could’ve told her I only had time to be involved in one or two of those ministries. Then perhaps I would’ve enjoyed my time at church more and would’ve connected more deeply to the people I was serving. I was also irritated that her sacrifice of one day to help me had to be repaid with an entire year’s worth of service.

It’s easy to get pressured into saying yes when we feel guilty for someone else helping us. But we always have to make decisions with the right intentions. Serving in ministry is a wonderful thing, but even that can be done for the wrong reasons. Same with other tasks that seem like good or kind things. You will enjoy life to the fullest when you start saying yes because Jesus tells you to rather than out of obligation.

Mistake #2: Trying to Be Someone’s Hero

Let’s be honest, the easiest way to boost our self-esteem is when we find someone who is immediately drawn to us and wants us to rescue them from their difficulties. We want to be their only source of assistance and advice. We want to be the one they rely on.

But the truth is, besides the fact that should never try taking the place of God, it’s also incredibly exhausting playing “hero”. When we don’t live up to our own expectations, we feel like failures. It discourages us from reaching out in the future. If the person suddenly doesn’t need us anymore, then we feel resentful towards them, feeling betrayed.

I have tried being someone’s “hero” before, but I actually learned this lesson best when someone else tried to be my hero.

A few years ago, I was in a difficult place. I didn’t have very many friends or people to confide in. I never stood up for myself. Then came along an older friend who was more than willing to listen, hang out with me, and introduce me to others. She would say how similar we were to each other, which now I wonder was her way of reassuring herself that her influence over me was working.

I believe she honestly thought she had good intentions. She cared about me and wanted me to feel connected. But not connected without her.

After growing a lot as a person, I began expressing my own views, taking on leadership positions, and making new friends. I wasn’t telling her my deepest fears or secrets anymore. I had new people to share things with or I was able to process things with God. I didn’t need her in the sense that I was dependent on her anymore. I obviously wanted to stay friends with her, and at the time, I hadn’t realized I was her “project”.

I found that out the hard way when we butted heads on a very personal issue, a decision I wanted to make that truly didn’t involve her. However, she had probed until I told her about it, and suddenly she wanted to take over. What shocked her the most was when I disagreed with her. I was no longer this “infant” who needed to be guided, babied, and nurtured. Instead, I was her equal, a person who had her own views and could handle herself.

The thing we argued about came and went. I’m sure I’ll even forget about it eventually. But the thing I’ll never forget is how hurt I was when I realized our friendship was built on her desire to be my savior rather than my companion.

If you really care about someone, don’t try to be their hero. Instead, point them to the only one who can really save them: Jesus.

Mistake #3: Pleasing the Wrong Person

I’ve mentioned people-pleasing many times, and that’s because I struggle with it a lot. I’ve talked myself into believing that nothing can compare to the burst of joy I feel when making someone happy, even when it’s at the cost of my own well-being or my faith.

I have so many instances of people-pleasing that we could be here all day. However, I’ll share of when I felt most convicted about it.

My mom and I were discussing a few responsibilities we had taken on and how we felt we couldn’t speak up on issues we felt passionately about for fear of angering the people we were working with. We’ve ruminated over this topic countless times, mostly because of how frustrated we feel.

Afterwards, I went to do my daily Bible reading, and I started the book of Galatians. Then right there, it was as though God was speaking right to me.

“If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Galatians 1:10

Whoa. To be honest, up until that point, I didn’t think the phrase “please people/people please” was even in the Bible! But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how right Paul was in this sentiment.

When we work towards pleasing people, whether by ignoring the way they talk about people we love, taking on too many of their unwanted tasks, or doing things for them that we wouldn’t normally do, we aren’t pleasing the one that we should care most about: Jesus. People pleasing can be an idol in our lives because we put people before Jesus. We can only have one master, will it be Jesus or the fear of displeasing others?

So Now What?

You might feel embarrassed or ashamed, but don’t be. It can take a long time before we realize we are valued enough by God to not seek validation from others. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to realize that. God understands our desire to make others feel loved, and sometimes that starts off by not having boundaries, and ends up being something healthier.

When discerning whether or not to say yes to something, ask God for His wisdom. He promises to give it out generously. Also ask yourself whether or not you need to trust Jesus if you say yes. If an experience will bring you closer to Him, then it is always worthwhile. But make sure you are still carving out time in your day to rest and spend time with God.

Here are a few books I’ve found helpful when it comes to making boundaries:

The Best Yes, by Lysa TerKeurst

Boundaries, by Henry Cloud

What Happens When Women Say Yes to God, by Lysa TerKeurst

The lot is cast into the lap,
But its every decision is from the Lord.
Proverbs 16:33

But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.
Joshua 24:15

No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other.
Matthew 6:24