Tag: Enneagram

Your Presence Matters

Is it hard for you to believe you can make an impact? Here’s some encouragement and a reminder that your presence, in whatever form it takes today, matters.

As some of you may remember, this blog originally started out as an Enneagram blog. I’m not entirely sure what I was thinking since I’m not an Enneagram expert, though personalities fascinate me and the Enneagram is my favorite “organized personality” idea.

If you don’t know what the Enneagram is, it’s basically a way of categorizing humans into nine categories based on their childhood wounds, their current needs, as well as their strengths and weaknesses. I’ve researched a lot about the Enneagram, and one of the biggest parts of it is the message each type needs to hear the most. All of the messages, such as “you are loved without having to earn it” or “you can embrace both pain and joy”, are important for all people to understand, but they should resonate especially for their type.

I’m a type 9, which is called The Peacemaker, and we are known for being understanding, seeing all sides of situations, merging with the people around us, and not realizing our voices are important. The core message for 9s is “your presence matters”. While I love this phrase for 9s, I believe it’s one that you all need to hear today.

Sometimes, life can really, really suck. Like, really. Every day can feel agonizing. You wake up and wonder why you’re really here. It’s like an invisible burden that weighs a ton has been placed on your shoulders. You can barely breathe.

And during those times, it can be easy to forget why you’ve kept going this whole time. You may attribute it to fear or to not letting others down. But the truth is, the reason why you’re here is because you matter. You have an important role to play in the world. You are going to make a difference. In fact, you already have, just by being here.

It’s easy to forget the impact you have on other people’s lives. But even in the small ways, you are helping others along their difficult journeys too. Perhaps just seeing your name pop up on your friend’s phone makes them smile. Or maybe an encouraging word to a family member helped them not give up. Maybe holding the door open for a stranger at the grocery store or thanking a waiter caused them to realize someone still cares.

You may think you need to have it “all together” in order to make a difference. You may worry that everyone is watching you and judging you. And it’s true that there will always be judgemental people out there, but they aren’t the ones you should think about. They are just insecure and realize that perhaps you have something they don’t: confidence.

You don’t have to have it all together in order to make a difference. In fact, being vulnerable about the broken parts of your life, the parts that required you to seek help or turn to God, are the ones that people can relate to most. They can even be the most inspiring parts of your story.

Even if you don’t have a perfectly worded response, even if you forget to hold the door open, even if you can’t smile today, your presence alone is vital. Just by being here, in this space, you are bringing hope and joy to those around you. And they love you more than anything. ❤

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

John 16:33

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.

1 Peter 4:8

The Painful Thing About Pain…and How We Avoid It

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”

-Corrie Boom

Common Misconceptions

As a Nine, I have often been told that we procrastinate, over sleep, and become overly obsessed with our couch and Netflix. However…that’s not really the case for me. I get up at a early/reasonable time pretty easily (except on a few rare occasions), I used to despise sleeping as a child because I thought it wasted away the day, and I am usually too stressed about deadlines to procrastinate. (Can’t say too much about the TV problem when it comes to the Flash though…) That made me question my Nine-ness when I was first learning about the Enneagram. However, I learned to realize that sleeping meant more than just laying down. It meant all the times I daydreamed about false realities to comfort myself, all the times I actually made myself more busy in order to avoid other tasks, and all the times that I mentally blocked myself from accepting the truth. I have heard experts talking about this as the not physical “sleep” Nines often take part in. This might be a coping mechanism for you too, and I want to help us both figure out another way to deal with pain.

Our Reasons Why

People without this habit might often wonder why we feel like this does anything to help the situation. Some might guess that it’s so we can feel instant happiness instead of dealing with the long awaited troubles. Honestly, I feel like it’s beyond the instant gratification. If you’re anything like me, the last thing you want to do is be a burden to other people. I may not be a Two in the sense that I try to go out of my way to do things for other people (even though I do try to sometimes), but if I can keep my feelings and problems to myself, then I feel like I won’t worry someone. Or better yet, that I never have to find out that my problems DIDN’T concern anyone else. Slightly off topic but I feel like a huge Nine fear is that we don’t matter to anyone else. (I’ll touch on this subject in a future post). But feeling the pain of that or other things ranging from loneliness to confrontation are the things that make us inwardly shut down even if we are outwardly getting everything done. Another thing that may be a factor in how we handle difficult things is the fact that although we may appear calm on the outside, we are having a constant panic cycle going on inside. It’s not always there, but when a stress arises, we still want to hold control and our way of getting “control” is by turning off the things that are in our way.

The Hard Truth

I’m sure that everyone already knows this, but it’s an important reminder: eventually, the thing that we’re avoiding is going to happen, whether we like it to or not. We might be able to stall something, but that could make it escalate into an even greater problem or at the very least, it will still occur.

However…

We do not have to let these problems become what we have made them to be in our heads. At least for me, the more I think about things, the harder it is for me to take action. I analyze what could go wrong, how people will react, and how hard it could be to do. But if we just go out and face our problems, then we can finally move on. Moving on is so hard for me, whether it be in relationships or from certain feelings. I tend to cling onto what I know. However, the best way to move on is to address the issue right away and then be able to have peace about the situation. And we Nines love peace, don’t we? 🙂 And the important thing to remember is that we don’t have to go through hard things alone. When I see my friends going through things, all I want them to know is that I’m there for them. The important thing for us is to have those people in our lives, who are willing to actually listen and pray for us.

A Few Tips

First of all, remember that no matter what, it’s okay to be upset. It’s okay to take some time for yourself to reflect on the situation, to pray, and to find comfort. It’s even okay to take a while to process what happened. But then there has to be a time of taking action and letting go.

As for some tips for processing things, here are some that have helped me:

  • Taking a long, quiet walk
  • Journaling (Either prayer journaling or just journaling your thoughts and feelings)
  • Talking things out with a close friend or family member (sometimes it’s better to do it with someone who is unrelated to the situation so that they do not have a bias or can give new insight)
  • Making a playlist that helps you (I have a few songs that give me comfort, and when I’m going through a rough time, they have really helped me get perspective)
  • Making a list of what hurt you specifically so that you can address those things and not make the situation bigger than it really is
  • Making a list of positive people or events in your life that you are thankful for

In Conclusion…

I one hundred percent understand how hard it is to deal with things that feel out of control and it’s easy to slip into that “sleepwalking through life” mentality. But if you do that, then you will miss the good as well as the difficult. Just know that the pain isn’t going to last forever, and if you have made it this far, you have the strength to get through it. Thanks for reading this, and let me know if this was any help. I hope you all have a blessed day!