mental health – Page 5 – The Will to Wake Up

When Life’s Just Plain Mean

Are you feeling tired, burned out by all that’s going on around you? Take the time to rest and nourish yourself.

I started off writing a post about life’s interruptions. I have had my share of interruptions recently, and though things haven’t exactly made sense, all my experiences seemed to tie together for that post. I was really excited about it, feeling God’s hand on the piece, and then when I went to post it, half the article got deleted.

I collapsed in my chair, tears streaming down my face, about ready to throw my computer out the window. Yes, things get deleted a lot, but, as I’ll share in that post (which I am definitely going to finish–the enemy can’t win that easily!!!), a lot has been going on in my life that hasn’t made sense. In fact, these things have drained me, shaken me, broken my heart, and have resulted in poorer mental and physical health this summer. This felt like the last straw. If at least one good thing could come out of the situation, I thought, then maybe things would begin to make sense.

But you know what? Life doesn’t always make sense. I often try to put meaning behind everything (which I still believe that everything is intentional), but sometimes we just have to allow ourselves the time to grieve. Grieve what was, grieve what is, grieve what might be to come. Letting go is hard. Change is hard. Acceptance is hard.

I’m sure you know all these things by now. In fact, you’re probably waiting for me to finally tell you something you don’t know. Well…I don’t know if I can do that today.

Here’s what I will tell you. Whatever you’re going through matters. No matter how small, no matter how big, no matter how many people it affects. As long as it affects someone (and yes, you are a someone) then it matters. If it matters to you, it matters to God.

God promises to be with us through everything. That doesn’t mean we won’t have storms come our way, but it does mean we will never be alone. It’s okay to be angry and hurt and frustrated. But instead of lashing out at others or criticizing yourself or throwing your computer out the window, call out to God. He wants to hear from you during every single season of your life, including the painful, overwhelming ones.

And once you’ve done that, rest. Take time to breathe. Take time to listen to calming music or visit a place that brings you joy. Things won’t be solved overnight and you may not feel better that fast either. However, each day is brand new, full of an opportunity to be replenished by God’s peace and grace. Take however long you need to let your heart heal. You’re worth it.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.
Matthew 11:28-30

The Process of Being Made New

Have you taken the time to rest and work through what’s hurting your heart?

I’m sure we’ve all had that one road we avoid driving on, that’s never properly taken care of. As I’ve shared before, I work at a horse riding barn, which is located in a reasonably rural area. The closer I get, the more beat-up the roads become. Potholes, overhanging branches, and a random assortment of odd objects clutter the road.

The last main road leading to the property has had a few major potholes since I’ve started driving on it. They’ve tried filling the potholes with cement or asphalt, yet they often end up getting bigger after a while. A few weeks ago, they tore up the entire road, stripping it of the outer layer and leaving a worn down rubble path.

I was horrified, to say the least. Sure, the old road with the filled potholes wasn’t ideal, but this disgusting torn up mess was terrible. I feared they were just going to leave it like that after a week went by with no progress. However, my boss assured me they were just stripping the road in order to put down fresh asphalt.

To be honest, I began to doubt her, until one day, out of the blue, the entire road had been re-paved! It’s fresh, shiny even, and the smoothest road I’ve ever driven on. They went all out by adding a sidewalk, ramps at the neighborhood entrances, and new paint. It looks pretty perfect, and on the surface no one would know how crumbly it is underneath.

Sometimes, in life, we like to cover up our brokenness by filling our lives with empty things. They can be things that seem good, and maybe they even are, like relationships, sports, hobbies, or even volunteering. However, when we are trying to soothe an old wound with these things, we will never get to the heart of the problem.

It’s easy to push ourselves forward without taking the time to work through our past hurt. We might take small steps, like filling in the “potholes” with temporary solutions. A talk here or a devotional there, or even a prayer sometimes. But when we don’t have the patience to sit down and really feel those painful things and let go, we can’t be made new.

And trust me, God wants to make you new. He wants to tear away all the images you’re hiding behind and see the real you. And perhaps that person is broken, hurting, and overwhelmed. Perhaps that person really doesn’t have it all together and isn’t sure who they are anymore. But God wants to meet you where you’re at and bring you long-lasting healing.

He isn’t going to just help you work through one incident, either. He’s going to go all out, bringing understanding and healing to the root issues and carrying your burdens for you.

When you trust in Him and allow His peace to flow through you, you are a new creation. The old is gone, the new has come!

It will surely take time, perhaps it might not even feel worth it. But trust me, when you look back later, you’ll be glad that you allowed yourself time to rest and process. You are worth the time it takes to heal.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
2 Corinthians 5:17

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.
2 Corinthians 4:16-17

Song Recommendation: All Things New, by Big Daddy Weave: https://youtu.be/4_2aX_i4qpM

Your Presence Matters

Is it hard for you to believe you can make an impact? Here’s some encouragement and a reminder that your presence, in whatever form it takes today, matters.

As some of you may remember, this blog originally started out as an Enneagram blog. I’m not entirely sure what I was thinking since I’m not an Enneagram expert, though personalities fascinate me and the Enneagram is my favorite “organized personality” idea.

If you don’t know what the Enneagram is, it’s basically a way of categorizing humans into nine categories based on their childhood wounds, their current needs, as well as their strengths and weaknesses. I’ve researched a lot about the Enneagram, and one of the biggest parts of it is the message each type needs to hear the most. All of the messages, such as “you are loved without having to earn it” or “you can embrace both pain and joy”, are important for all people to understand, but they should resonate especially for their type.

I’m a type 9, which is called The Peacemaker, and we are known for being understanding, seeing all sides of situations, merging with the people around us, and not realizing our voices are important. The core message for 9s is “your presence matters”. While I love this phrase for 9s, I believe it’s one that you all need to hear today.

Sometimes, life can really, really suck. Like, really. Every day can feel agonizing. You wake up and wonder why you’re really here. It’s like an invisible burden that weighs a ton has been placed on your shoulders. You can barely breathe.

And during those times, it can be easy to forget why you’ve kept going this whole time. You may attribute it to fear or to not letting others down. But the truth is, the reason why you’re here is because you matter. You have an important role to play in the world. You are going to make a difference. In fact, you already have, just by being here.

It’s easy to forget the impact you have on other people’s lives. But even in the small ways, you are helping others along their difficult journeys too. Perhaps just seeing your name pop up on your friend’s phone makes them smile. Or maybe an encouraging word to a family member helped them not give up. Maybe holding the door open for a stranger at the grocery store or thanking a waiter caused them to realize someone still cares.

You may think you need to have it “all together” in order to make a difference. You may worry that everyone is watching you and judging you. And it’s true that there will always be judgemental people out there, but they aren’t the ones you should think about. They are just insecure and realize that perhaps you have something they don’t: confidence.

You don’t have to have it all together in order to make a difference. In fact, being vulnerable about the broken parts of your life, the parts that required you to seek help or turn to God, are the ones that people can relate to most. They can even be the most inspiring parts of your story.

Even if you don’t have a perfectly worded response, even if you forget to hold the door open, even if you can’t smile today, your presence alone is vital. Just by being here, in this space, you are bringing hope and joy to those around you. And they love you more than anything. ❤

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
John 16:33

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.
1 Peter 4:8

The Perfect Balance

Do you feel burned out, exhausted by life itself? May you find rest and encouragement through these words.

For those of you interested in the Olympics, I’m sure you’ve heard the headliner about U.S. gymnast, Simone Biles, withdrawing from her team’s competition this week. Each headline reads differently, but the one I love the most said, “Simone Biles’ Decision Changes the Way Athletes View the Olympics Forever”. By prioritizing her mental health, she is inspiring others who are pushing themselves too hard and encourages us to live life to the fullest rather than to please others. In fact, this choice means more than if she won gold. She could be saving lives by helping others realize their wellness matters more than any expectations placed on them. She will always be remembered, not just as a champion, but as an impactful advocate. Perhaps we can finally become a world that judges “success” not by metals but by how fulfilled and joyful people feel.

I’ve been thinking a lot about mental health recently. As I’ve shared, I’ve had my highs and lows regarding it. I’ve also witnessed others make life-altering decisions because of it, some to benefit them and others out of desperation. This is an issue that truly burdens my heart because so often people feel the need to “fit the mold” in order to be worth anything. They need to feel chosen by people, and if they are rejected, then they fear they have no future.

In all honesty, I have been rejected. Most of us have been rejected. Sometimes, we can just pass it off as that person’s loss and move on. Other times, it really stings. We hear a song that reminds us of them and we can no longer enjoy it. We want to reach out, but we don’t know how. We worry people will think we’re weak for needing a break or needing understanding.

We don’t all experience things the same way. Even if I had the exact same life as you, the things that bother you may not be the things that bother me. Things that cut deeper into me may not cut as deeply into you. That’s totally okay, and normal in fact. However, it means we have to be aware that people see situations in their lives differently, and we have to be sensitive to whatever stage of healing they are in, even if we would’ve healed faster or slower than them.

We need to be open and honest about our mental health. We need to seek the help we need or the space we need so that we can heal. And most of all, we need to turn to God and loving people He’s placed in our lives in order to remember where our worth comes from.

But we also can’t be fixated on one aspect of our lives. That’s often what gets us buried deeper into the hole of discouragement in the first place. When we only focus on our mental health, we can lose sight of our physical or spiritual health, or vice versa.

I was recently talking with a mentor who shared the three “healths”: spiritual (our relationship with God), physical (our lifestyle choices), and mental/emotional (how we feel, especially how much peace we have). There needs to be a balance between the three of them. God is working within each piece of this circle, but we have to do our part to give proper attention to each aspect.

But when we’re supposed to put God first, how can we have both balance and priorities? Well, prioritize listening to God. Ask Him what areas of your life you’re neglecting. If you continue to stay attuned to Him, you’ll be able to find that perfect balance.

Today, you may be feeling overwhelmed. You may be feel all alone. Perhaps you fear that nobody really loves you or cares or sees or knows. But I promise you that you are never alone. God knows you. He loves you and will always take care of you. He sees you, and He is putting you on others’ hearts so that they will see you and love you too. Whatever is burdening you right now will not last forever. Do what you need to in order to heal, regardless of how others might judge you. In the end, your life is between you and God. Your life is a gift, not just to you but to those who are privileged enough to be around you, to be your friend. You are worth whatever it takes to heal.

I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;
    he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me,
    I will call on him as long as I live.
The cords of death entangled me,
    the anguish of the grave came over me;
    I was overcome by distress and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the Lord:
    “Lord, save me!”
The Lord is gracious and righteous;
    our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the unwary;
    when I was brought low, he saved me.
Return to your rest, my soul,
    for the Lord has been good to you.
For you, Lord, have delivered me from death,
    my eyes from tears,
    my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before the Lord
    in the land of the living.
Psalm 116:1-9

Let God Grow You

Are you struggling to figure out why you are at a difficult point in your journey right now?

To be honest, I’ve had a rough week. I won’t get into the details right now, but I have felt really upset at myself for going back to a place I had hoped not to go back to. Do you ever pride yourself on how far you’ve come, only to end up feeling like you’re in the exact same place? You thought you overcame things like overthinking situations or doubting yourself or God, and then you’re right back there.

It almost feels worse than it did originally.

Last night, I scrolled through some old videos, and by old, I mean old. Little Hannah was a lot different than grown-up Hannah. I mean, I don’t crack cow jokes and name my stuffed animals “Utters” anymore…right?

Anyway, as much as I could see what was different about me, I also saw similarities. In tutorial videos, I kept affirming my invisible audience and reminding them that I couldn’t get it the first time either. I posted multiple videos to songs I still enjoy. One thing that caught my attention was a video I made on a day when I didn’t feel silly. (Which wasn’t very often 😂) It was a video where I was listening to a song by Lauren Daigle and drawing a girl climbing a mountain.

Music and art have always been my sources of escape. My way to connect with God and with myself after a tough day. Some things never change. And maybe that’s okay.

Wherever you are in your life, I hope you know that you are growing. I hope you know that even if you have been sucked back into the dark, there is still a light at the end of the tunnel. You are not stuck. You are still being transformed into the person you are meant to be.

Sometimes, things remind us of our past, and we think that’s a bad thing. But the truth is, we will never be the same person we once were. We are not stuck in that identity. We can still keep the aspects of our lives that make us, well, us, and grow into better people.

Even if you are feeling old feelings, you are not that same old person. You are coming at this problem with more wisdom, more strength from God, and more hope because you know that you can get through this.

My church is going through the book of Exodus right now, and we just reached the part where the Israelites are going through the wilderness with God. Based on their grumbling and complaining, and the fact that they were traveling through the wilderness, I’m guessing it wasn’t all fun and games. I picture rocky terrain, a thirst and hunger for comfort, and decreasing motivation.

I often compare the Israelites journeying through the wilderness to a hike. (Though I hope you don’t take 40 year hikes, but if you do, congrats, you just blew my mind!)

To be honest, I don’t usually enjoy the hiking process. I mean, getting dirt and twigs stuck in your tennis shoes, climbing up never-ending hills, and seeing tree after tree after tree…oh and don’t get me started on the rocks! Once my toes were black and blue after stubbing them on giant rocks during a hike.

So why do we hike when the journey is so difficult? Because of what’s at the end.

Sometimes, we are rewarded with a gorgeous waterfall or a picturesque view of a town. Other times, we simply get the pleasure of a job well done. We made it! We did it! And we can go out and do it again.

Difficult seasons of life are often like taking a hike. We have to get through a lot of prickly bushes of people, stinging nettles of mean words, and falls that send us spiraling into anxiety.

But once we get to the end, it’s always worth the hike. Sometimes God rewards us by showing us how we helped others or allows us to share our stories to make a difference. He might even give us a simple solution at the end of the whole journey. Other times, He allows us to relish in the satisfaction of making it this far, of growing in confidence.

Speaking of growing…that’s the whole point of our “life hikes”.

When faced with an opportunity to grow, we often try to avoid it by taking a smoother route. But that route will eventually lead back to the rocky road because that’s the only way to true growth. We can’t get to the reward until we get through the tough stuff. Until we finally learn what God’s teaching us.

We can go in kicking and screaming, demanding an easier way, until we give up and let God take us where we need to go. That often leads to detours that make the trip even longer and more trying. But when we go in with a tender heart, with open ears and eyes, we will grow even deeper into who God wants us to be.

When we focus on the gorgeous waterfall, we forget about the sharp rocks beneath us. When we focus on our Creator, we forget about the ones who call us unworthy. When we focus on who God sees us as, we forget about who we used to be.

Today, open your heart and mind to the fact that God is calling you to grow. Comfort zones are easy and enjoyable places to be, but nothing beautiful grows there. Step out of your comfort zone and realize that through whatever you’re going through, God is going to make you stronger. Don’t give up. ❤

Do not let your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me.
John 14:1

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:18-19

Song Recommendation, New Day, by Danny Gokey: https://youtu.be/0TrKXehB0pg

Walking Through the Fire Together

Do you feel like life is just getting more and more difficult? Here’s hope in the midst of whatever battle you’re facing right now.

A few years ago, a pastor at our church introduced us to a new way of referring to following Jesus. He called it “following the simple way of Jesus”. He reminded us of how we often over complicate Jesus’ lessons when really Jesus was very straightforward with what He meant. We don’t have to have everything figured out or the perfect faith story or anything like that. We can just be who we are, simple, and be followers of Christ.

As you may know, I love spending time with kids, and I am fortunate enough to be able to often due to my jobs. Kids are the prime example of following the simple way of Jesus because they don’t beat around the bush. They learn things and ask things in a way that is clear to them.

Today, I saw a kid get upset when she got a little scratch on her leg during a rowdy outdoor game. I went over to her and made sure she was alright, trying to be sympathetic because I cared about her feelings. But sometimes it’s difficult being sympathetic to children’s wounds when they aren’t as deep as what we may have experienced at an older age.

But if you think about it, a scratch to a five-year-old may be the equivalent to a sprained wrist to twenty-year-old. The trials and pains children go through may seem insignificant in comparison to what adults experience, yet it’s all really about perspective.

A friend reminded me last night of this important verse:

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
1 Corinthians 10:13

God knows what we can handle at different points in our lives. He may give us things that seem harder now than when we were younger because He knows we are stronger now. You may feel frustrated when others are upset over issues that seem smaller than what you’re going through. Perhaps it seems like you are having one problem right after another. But God promises to never leave us or give us things that we cannot conquer with Him by our side. And He knows your limit is different than your neighbor’s. Comparison only destroys. It will not strengthen us for the battles we face.

My friend wisely said, “God uses the hard times to bring us closer to Him. He won’t ever give us anything we can’t handle. But the key is, we can only overcome those hard things with Him.”

The truth is, we can’t really do anything on our own. We need the support of others, and most of all God, in order to walk through the fire.

So today, realize how far you’ve come. So many things don’t bother you now that would’ve wrecked your world years ago. You don’t have to feel strong in order to be strong. God is the source of our strength and it isn’t reliant on feelings, it’s reliant on who He is and who He has created us to be. Above all, call out to God and listen for His answer. He will help you through whatever you’re going through. And don’t be afraid to reach out to people who love you. They want nothing more than to be by your side and support you too.

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
John 16:33

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18

The God of Feelings

Do you ever worry about your feelings being too big for God? Here’s some advice and encouragement!

I’ve often spoken of how God isn’t a “God of feelings”. He’s so much bigger than that, loyal, faithful, honest, and never-changing. His love is so different from the fleeting love we experience in many relationships.

While all of that is true and important to recognize, I’ve realized I may have done an incredible disservice to you. By speaking so joyfully about God in this way, I may have misled you into believing that He doesn’t have feelings, that feelings don’t have a place in our world. But believe me, feelings do have an important place, and God does have feelings too.

I’ve seen the consequences of not “believing in feelings” firsthand within my own family. I used to think it was just my family, but during the recent spread of awareness about the issues Asian Americans have faced, I’m beginning to realize it’s cultural. It’s a known fact that there’s a stigma around mental health in the Asian American community, often because our mental health has not been seen as important in the past. For my dad’s side of the family, expressing any kind of feeling (other than indifference) is seen as a weakness.

Both my dad and my grandma, whenever they mention a loss or a difficulty, laugh it off to prove they are okay. I’ve never seen either of them cry. They literally live out the line from Let it Go, “Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know.” Whenever I share a hardship with them, they merely shrug and act like I’m an idiot for being the least bit concerned.

But I know those feelings are deep within them. When our dog passed away last year, my dad clung onto compulsive actions in an attempt to unknowingly cope. The stress lines and the frown on his face indicate his anxiety. Yet if asked, it will be received with harsh reprimands for ever assuming anything’s not fine. It deeply saddens me to see them suffering like this. The negative feelings won’t dissipate simply because we choose to ignore them. Rather, they continue to bubble up until we are forced to confront them, often by this point in an unhealthy way.

I think Christians often fall into the trap of making everyone think they have to be fine in order to be a Christian. “You must not trust God if you are sad or disappointed,” they often say. “Everything happens for a reason, and if you don’t believe that fully at every given moment, then you must not be saved!”

But that’s not true. If our faith was dependent on never having a single doubt or wavering moment, then our faith wouldn’t be much of anything. Our faith is built on God’s grace and forgiveness. When we get out on the water with Him and falter, He will stretch out His hand and rescue us. And those moments of truly needing His saving is what strengthens our faith the most.

When we’re close to God, we know His character. He isn’t going to turn away from us when we have tear stains on our cheeks. He isn’t going to laugh at us when we come to Him in bits and pieces after our heart’s been broken. He isn’t going to mock us when we are asking for forgiveness.

Rather, He is going to be there waiting for us, excited when we turn to Him through everything we’re feeling.

It’s when we don’t know God’s character that we fear coming to Him as anything less than perfect. Well, let me tell you, God knows darn well that we aren’t perfect! He knows our every thought and feeling. He hears every whispered cry and every quiet call for help.

But guess what? God isn’t afraid of what you’re feeling.

God is so much more powerful than what we’re feeling. He has given us this life, and these feelings, in order to bring us closer to Him and to each other. So don’t deny the fact that you have feelings. Rather, see how these feelings may be prompting you to show other’s God’s love.

One of the greatest marks of a follower of Christ is compassion. I once read in a Bible study that compassion is “love in action”. It requires stepping into another person’s shoes and feeling what they are feeling. We can’t show compassion if we deny ourselves our right to feel.

We can’t control how we feel, but we can control what we do with those feelings. If you are worried about your feelings taking over your life, then remember that you can allow God to use those feelings for good.

No matter how you’re feeling today, your feelings are valid. They matter. But they certainly won’t ever define who you are in Christ.

Lord, you have examined me
    and know all about me.
²You know when I sit down and when I get up.
    You know my thoughts before I think them.
³You know where I go and where I lie down.
    You know everything I do.
⁴Lord, even before I say a word,
    you already know it.
Psalm 139:1-4

Song Recommendation: Broken Prayers, by Riley Clemmons: https://youtu.be/cBDt_-tIfLI

Hope for the “Doormats”

Are you tired of feeling used and your worth depending on others? Here’s some encouragement!

There’s a reason why certain types of people are called doormats. You know what I’m talking about. People who are extremely kind, flexible, and wish for others to notice them, but often make little effort to bring attention to themselves. Hopeful that they will finally get noticed for all the work they do on others’ behalves. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Until they finally grow tired of feeling used.

If you think about it, doormats, or rugs, are a really good analogy when describing these characteristics. When you have a rug, you likely forget to clean it. You step on it, it absorbs the dirt, grime, and pet hair of your family, and then it eventually gets thrown out. I’ve never heard of someone looking forward to inheriting their family member’s rug. Likely rugs aren’t even in the will.

You might be feeling a little exposed at the moment. Perhaps you’re a “doormat”; you allow people to walk all over you. Or maybe there’s someone in your life who you’ve taken for granted. I’ve been at both ends of the spectrum and neither is pleasant, or comfortable, to confront.

You see, when we are doormats, we are trying to find our worth in something that isn’t stable. We are seeking affection, affirmation, and appreciation from people who don’t see our value. We cling to the little words or gifts that might make all we’re sacrificing (often our mental health) worth it. But then, when we’re eventually tossed out or fed up, we’re left feeling empty.

Then, on the other side of things, when we don’t notice the people around us, we can often unintentionally make them feel unseen. Or maybe we are aware of how they look up to us and want to please us, and we (guiltily) take advantage of it. It makes us feel better about ourselves, like we finally have an important place in this world. But that feeling is only temporary.

Though it might seem easier to be the “user” in this situation, the truth is, both parties are hurting. They are both hoping to find a relationship where they feel worthy.

And, my friends, I have the answer to this longing: Jesus. (By now, you probably guessed it 😉 )

Jesus loves us no matter what. Nothing we do or don’t do can change that. He will pick up all our broken pieces and make us whole again. He will guide us through the storms of life and give us unexplainable peace when the hard times hit. He leads us to the right decisions and prompts us to make a difference in others’ lives.

Most importantly, He cares about us and sees us as worthy.

And when we feel worthy, we can help others feel worthy. When we walk down the street, we won’t just be walking through a crowd of noisy people. Instead, we can see each person individually, in need of God’s love. The annoying child next door, the nosy coworker, or the quiet woman on the bus suddenly becomes God’s precious creation.

So today, ask yourself if you are placing yourself in situations that show your true worth. Are you over-extending yourself for the sake of getting others’ approval? Are you overlooking someone who needs to be shown God’s love today?

You will always been worthy and seen by God. ❤

Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.
Matthew 10:32

But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.
Titus 3:4-7

10 Reasons to Stay

Are you struggling to understand why you’re still here? This is a reminder that you are so deeply loved. Here are ten reasons why you should stay simply for you.

When someone is struggling to understand their place here, their reason for existence, people often shame them. They say, “How can you think of leaving me? How can you do that to your family? That’s so selfish!” They provide countless reasons to stay, yet these reasons often come from a place of selfishness from the person being left behind, because they are struggling to cling onto a person they love and need. But today, I am sharing 10 different reasons to stay. Not because of what your absence will do to other people, but because of what you will miss if you leave.

1. Your purpose hasn’t been fulfilled yet

God pursues us until our very last breath. He uses every situation we’re in to make a difference, even in hospital rooms, lonely cars, broken relationships, and wounded hearts. God takes us when He’s ready, not when we are necessarily. That’s scary, but it’s for the best. It means that God has a plan for us up until His end.

2. You will fall in love someday

You may be feeling hopeless after a heartbreak or a person you love leaving. But I guarantee that you will fall in love again. That rapid, heart-pounding sensation that leaves a smile on your face, a twinkle in your eyes, and an airiness to your steps. Maybe it won’t be with a person. Perhaps it will be with a hobby, or a place, or with a new pet. But I promise that you will love again.

3. There are places you haven’t seen yet

Perhaps you are feeling stuck, whether it be physically in your hometown or in a career, relationship, or stage of life. But you will not remain there forever. You will grow and blossom into who you’re meant to be. You will leave a place in wonder, in awe of all that God is capable of. Just keep your eyes open to the possibility that there is more than what’s on the surface.

4. There are foods you haven’t eaten yet

Yes, this might seem trivial, but come on, good food is good food, am I right? Close your eyes and allow yourself to taste the best food you’ve ever had. Perhaps it’s a moist, rich piece of chocolate cake. Maybe it’s slippery, smooth noodles. Or the crunchy freshness of a summer salad. Perhaps you have yet to find your favorite food!

5. There are people you haven’t met yet

You may feel like no one sees you, loves you, or cares about you. Maybe you feel like a burden. But trust me, you are not. You maybe just haven’t found the right people yet. But you will. There are 7.9 billion people on Earth, and you can’t tell me you’ve talked to all of them and they’ve all rejected you, even if your mind lies to you and says that.

There are people out there who will love you just the way you are. They will sit with you and listen to you. They will make you laugh and think your jokes are funny too. They will care so deeply about you.

6. You will miss out on all that nature has to offer

Think about the beautiful sunsets you’ve seen. The swirl of tangerine orange, scarlet red, and navy blue. The puffy cotton-candy clouds painted across the sky. Or how about the sound of a trickling stream or the roar of a mighty waterfall? The soft fur of a kitten and the sloppy kiss from a puppy’s tongue. Sitting beneath a dark canvas, illuminated by bright, sparkling stars. Sticking your head out the window and allowing the cool breeze flow through your hair and nip at your cheeks. Bring yourself back to the place that fills your heart with peace.

7. You won’t know how strong you are until at the end of the battle

At times, I have struggled to understand why I’m here. But the truth is, we underestimate our strength. But it’s the most beautiful thing, looking back at the end of the battle, and seeing how far we’ve come. It’s the best feeling, a feeling that lifts us off our feet and makes us feel ten times as powerful. I don’t want you to miss out on that feeling.

8. God loves you

God didn’t create you by accident or put you in the situation you’re in because He didn’t have anything better to do. He didn’t give you the parents you have because He wanted to burden them. He didn’t give you your friends so that you can annoy them. Because the truth is, you don’t. You may feel like you do, but beneath what they may show you, they truly love you. God gave them you because He knew that you could make a positive difference in their lives.

God isn’t disappointed in you for feeling the way you do. How do I know this? Because no matter what you do or how you feel, His love covers it all. But He wants you to realize that through your weaknesses, His strength can be revealed.

9. I care about you

This is not to guilt you in any way. You don’t have to stay for me, but remember that there is someone who cares. You may think, “Oh she doesn’t know me.” And maybe I don’t. Maybe you’re sitting in a ball on the floor in the dark, a stray tear slipping down your cheek as you contemplate life. Maybe you are sighing in exhaustion after a long day of work and this article is your only escape. Maybe you’re sitting in your car, the light of your phone illuminating your face, a face that’s seen tearful goodbyes, angry authority figures, and words that have broken your heart.

Or maybe you aren’t experiencing any of those things, and that’s okay. Regardless of if we’ve met, spoken, or you don’t even know what I look like, I care about you. I care about you because you have been created by God, chosen and adored. Because I love God, I love you. When we love someone, what matters to them matters to us. You matter to me.

10. For some reason, God wanted you to read this

There’s a reason the title drew you in. There’s a reason you may have subscribed to my blog or clicked on the link. Something called you to it. It has nothing to do with me. It’s all God. God is sending you a message through this, revealing His love to you, and perhaps He’s given you even more reason to stay.

We don’t talk about mental health enough. We just don’t. It’s often seen as taboo or a point of disagreement, especially among Christians. But what are we doing? What are we accomplishing this way? Certainly not making people feel wanted or needed.

I don’t think it’s selfish to want to leave. I don’t. You might disagree with me, and that’s okay. But one of the first things I heard after a classmate died was that they were selfish for leaving their family and friends. For taking the “easy way”.

But I don’t think there’s anything “easy” about struggling to understand your purpose. I don’t think there’s anything “easy” about feeling like a burden. I don’t think there’s anything “easy” about having a brain that constantly replays the enemy’s lies to you.

Mental illness is exactly what the name suggests, an illness. And it should be treated like cancer or heart disease. We shouldn’t stop fighting for the people who suffer with it, or for ourselves, if we do. We should pray for healing, because God has the power to heal anything. But most of all, we should come around whoever is struggling and remind them that they are loved no matter what they are going through.

If that’s you today, I want you to know that I love you. I want you to know that God loves you, way more than I do. And even though each day may feel exhausting, you can make it through. I am proud of you for being here. For every breath you breathe, you can and are making a difference. ❤

But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you.
Psalm 5:11

Turn, Lord, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love.
Psalm 6:4

Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.
Psalm 23:6

Jesus called his twelve disciples to him and gave them authority to drive out impure spirits and to heal every disease and sickness.
Matthew 10:1

The “Unforgivable” Sin

We all have that one mistake that we doubt God can forgive. But through sharing a piece of my story, I hope I can encourage you and remind you that God will forgive anything you’ve done.
Trigger Warning: Suicide

We all have that one sin, that one mistake. The one that “doesn’t qualify” when Jesus says our sins are forgiven. Sometimes we hide it, ashamed. Other times we talk about it a lot, seeking validation from others. Yes, it is bad enough to still feel burdened by.

But when I tell you that your sins are forgiven by Jesus, I mean it with my whole heart. Even that one sin. Even that one mistake. Even if you never got the chance to say “I’m sorry”. Even if you think it’s too late.

Take this from a person who has spent the last two and a half years trying to forgive herself for the biggest mistake she’s ever made in her life.

When people look at me and my life, they might laugh at the idea of me committing an “unforgivable” sin. They might think, “Oh, she’s probably gossiped or lied or put something before God, nothing that serious.”

To be honest, it’s almost harder to be seen that way than as someone who is notorious for doing the “big bad sins”. (But, by the way, all sins come down to the same cost, Jesus’ death on the cross, making no sin “worse” or “better” than another). When you have the reputation as the “good Christian”, people are less inclined to believe you’ve suffered pain or separation from God.

It’s hard to admit and talk about what happened. I worry people won’t see it as a “big enough” deal. I wonder if they will see me differently. I don’t even know what sort of reaction I want from people.

But I’ve come to realize that everything happens in our lives to teach us something, perhaps lessons we are supposed to share with others. More importantly, they should bring us closer to God. And, though it’s taken time, this one certainly did. If my story helps someone else on their healing process, then it’s worth being vulnerable.

It was January. I met him three months before– the guy who changed my life. When we first met, I thought he was nice, perhaps overly friendly, but the longer I knew him, the more my discomfort grew. To say I knew him would be an overstatement. The truth is, I really only had a few interactions with him. I was scared of him, I think, and of what I believed his intentions were. Each interaction sent me into a spiral of hateful thoughts. They stemmed from a place of fear and insecurity. I should’ve said something, but I didn’t. Instead, I dreaded seeing him and allowed my feelings to consume me.

When I say hateful, I truly mean hateful. They were unlike anything I had ever felt before or since. These feelings burned inside my chest. I could barely look at him; I could only glare. I remember walking by myself and thinking, I wish he were dead.

The last time I saw him was around Christmas. We were in a packed gym, and he was playing spike ball with some friends. By this point, I had made it clear I wasn’t interested. The ball rolled over to me, and he came to get it. He started saying thank you, like he expected me to pick it up. Instead, I moved to the side and avoided looking at him. Yet he thanked me again, and we made eye contact. Then he turned away, and I never saw him again.

January 22nd, 2019. I found out in an email that he died by suicide.

I can’t even begin to describe the weight of guilt I felt. For a week, there was a pressing sensation on my shoulders and I had a constant headache. I didn’t cry because I didn’t know what I was grieving. After all, I barely knew him.

I learned more about him after he died than while he was alive. He was so different than the person I made him out to be in my head. In many ways, that made it all the worse.

It just so happened that a retreat was scheduled the following weekend. Throughout the retreat, I felt isolated, closed off from everyone else. No one reached out to me, perhaps because no one knew I was hurting. I took walks on my own and sobbed, crying out to God and asking Him why such a horrible person–me–could still be walking the earth. What good was I?

At the same time, I had lost several friends and felt incredibly alone. I wondered if this was some sort of punishment from God. Maybe this is why I’m alone, I thought, because I’m a terrible person.

On the last night, my youth pastor gathered us in a circle to pray for each other. Many shed tears as they relayed their current situations. Some recently lost grandparents, another’s father was dying of cancer, and several were dealing with anxiety.

My issues, loneliness and guilt, couldn’t compare to their problems. Why would God want to listen or help the girl who wished death upon His precious child? Or so I thought.

When it came to my turn, I could barely squeeze out my words. I finally whispered, “I just feel so lonely.”

To my surprise, several peers came around me and prayed. One prayer, which I’ll never forget, went something like this:

“Dear God, help Hannah see that she’s never alone and that no one is better or worse than her, but that we’re all equal.”

It was a very simple prayer, yet the weight on my shoulders was lifted. I felt lighter, more alive.

To say that solved all my problems or that it even caused me to believe that I was forgiven would be a lie. It has taken years to understand that God has forgiven me and that He can use me and that situation to help others. But it showed me that God cared, and continues to care and love us, even when we’re at our worst. When we feel unforgivable.

I don’t know what sort of “unforgivable sin” is burdening your heart. But I believe that God has already forgiven you and doesn’t want you to be bogged down by the past, but rather look forward with joy to what He has in store for you. It’s also okay if the healing process is taking longer than you thought or what others claim it should be. But you are healing, I can promise you that.

I also want you to know that if you feel unseen or unloved, I’m so sorry. But you are not unseen or unloved. You are treasured, adored, by the most powerful Being in the universe–Jesus. He loves you. He sacrificed everything for you. He wants you to know that you are so special and so needed and so, so dearly loved.

And if no one’s said this to you today, I love you. ❤️

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.
1 John 1:9

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Colossians 3:13

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.
Ephesians 1:7

A wonderful song about God loving us at our worst, titled appropriately enough, Even at My Worst, by Blanca: https://youtu.be/qiD-UzbH5VA