Tag: Enneagram

Your Presence Matters

Is it hard for you to believe you can make an impact? Here’s some encouragement and a reminder that your presence, in whatever form it takes today, matters.

As some of you may remember, this blog originally started out as an Enneagram blog. I’m not entirely sure what I was thinking since I’m not an Enneagram expert, though personalities fascinate me and the Enneagram is my favorite “organized personality” idea.

If you don’t know what the Enneagram is, it’s basically a way of categorizing humans into nine categories based on their childhood wounds, their current needs, as well as their strengths and weaknesses. I’ve researched a lot about the Enneagram, and one of the biggest parts of it is the message each type needs to hear the most. All of the messages, such as “you are loved without having to earn it” or “you can embrace both pain and joy”, are important for all people to understand, but they should resonate especially for their type.

I’m a type 9, which is called The Peacemaker, and we are known for being understanding, seeing all sides of situations, merging with the people around us, and not realizing our voices are important. The core message for 9s is “your presence matters”. While I love this phrase for 9s, I believe it’s one that you all need to hear today.

Sometimes, life can really, really suck. Like, really. Every day can feel agonizing. You wake up and wonder why you’re really here. It’s like an invisible burden that weighs a ton has been placed on your shoulders. You can barely breathe.

And during those times, it can be easy to forget why you’ve kept going this whole time. You may attribute it to fear or to not letting others down. But the truth is, the reason why you’re here is because you matter. You have an important role to play in the world. You are going to make a difference. In fact, you already have, just by being here.

It’s easy to forget the impact you have on other people’s lives. But even in the small ways, you are helping others along their difficult journeys too. Perhaps just seeing your name pop up on your friend’s phone makes them smile. Or maybe an encouraging word to a family member helped them not give up. Maybe holding the door open for a stranger at the grocery store or thanking a waiter caused them to realize someone still cares.

You may think you need to have it “all together” in order to make a difference. You may worry that everyone is watching you and judging you. And it’s true that there will always be judgemental people out there, but they aren’t the ones you should think about. They are just insecure and realize that perhaps you have something they don’t: confidence.

You don’t have to have it all together in order to make a difference. In fact, being vulnerable about the broken parts of your life, the parts that required you to seek help or turn to God, are the ones that people can relate to most. They can even be the most inspiring parts of your story.

Even if you don’t have a perfectly worded response, even if you forget to hold the door open, even if you can’t smile today, your presence alone is vital. Just by being here, in this space, you are bringing hope and joy to those around you. And they love you more than anything. ❤

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

John 16:33

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.

1 Peter 4:8

How Nines Relate to Other Types

“It is quite clear that between love and understanding there is a very close link…He who loves understands, and he who understands loves. One who feels understood feels loved, and one who feels loved feels sure of being understood.” 
― Paul Tournier

Since this is an Enneagram blog, among other things, I thought it would be helpful to post about how I feel Nines relate to other types. By no means is this supposed to make one type seem more compatible to Nines or make one type sound better than another. It’s just my personal reflection on how different people’s types has affected my relationships with them. I hope you can enjoy/relate!

Ones- The Clean to Our Cluttered

I don’t have very many Ones (to my knowledge) in my life, but those that I do know are very admirable to a Nine. I don’t know about you, but I am very disorganized and I often have a hard time bringing myself to get rid of belongings etc. But Ones are good at getting Nines into action and cleaning. In addition, I’m a jist person, but Ones are more detail oriented. Nines can help Ones relax while Ones can help Nines notice details when it comes to projects etc. One thing that Ones and Nines have in common is that they can be pretty sensitive when it comes to criticism. In a way, that should actually help Ones and Nines relate because they will be more sensitive to each other.

Twos- Each Other’s Helping Hand

I have a lot of Twos in my life, and I really appreciate them. For one, they are usually that person that Nines want to have that actually asks how they are doing and if they need anything. Nines, in turn, will generally notice when a Two needs something but isn’t addressing it and that can be helpful for Twos to know that someone cares about their needs. Last year, I had a Two in my life that consistently asked me to do join her when she noticed that I was alone, and I really appreciated that it was in her nature to not give up after being nice once, but continuing to help me. My mom has scored as a Two (although I still think she might be a Six) and I do appreciate how she will often ask me about how things are going and if she can help me with anything. However, I (like maybe some other Nines) want to do things/handle things my own way and it can be frustrating for Nines to have a Two always wanting to know their business. But overall, I’d say that Nines and Twos get along very well. (But then again, both of these types get along well with most everybody):)

Threes- A Life that Would Exhaust a Nine

A friend that I grew up with is without a shadow of a doubt a Three. I think that some types are more easy to mistype (I actually thought I was a six for several months before realizing I was a Nine) but Threes are one of those that don’t, in my experience. Threes are what Nines might dream of becoming but do not often become. This is not necessarily a good or bad thing. It’s just that Threes work so hard to get their goals and must always be the best at what they do, while Nines…well…we are more like “Sure, that sounds good” but then again, so does curling up on the couch with a fuzzy blanket with the dog. Threes give Nines structure and help Nines get that motivation to go out and get what they want from life. However, Nines balance a Three by giving them a bit more perspective on life. Nines have a way of saying “there’s more to life than this game” that a Three might be able to accept.

Fours- The One Nines Turn to When Life Gets Hard

I’ve often been told that Fours are the rarest Enneagram type to be. However, I have had the pleasure of having two amazing friends that are Fours. I usually talk to them when I want to be reminded of fond memories or when I just want to reminisce. They are so sympathetic and when I just want someone to listen to me and not say “just cheer up already”, Fours are the ones to turn to. In turn, Nines are usually more optimistic, and can help Fours see the bright side of things, while still taking into consideration that Fours might not be ready to move on yet. On the downside, Fours and Nines often have trouble letting go of things, and they might just sit around being upset about that bully from fifth grade instead of doing something more useful. However, I think that Nines and Fours have a lot of common interests and personality traits, and therefore make good companions for each other.

Fives- Another Observer

Fives and Nines often have things in common, especially less social Nines. I personally do not follow the trend of preferring to take a nap over going out with friends, but I can understand a Five’s resistance towards large crowds. One thing that I in particular (and I know other Nines that have this trait) is the ability to notice things quickly about other people. I am 99% sure that my dad is a Five, and whenever we do talk with each other, we are usually discussing random traits that we have noticed in other people that they often don’t even realize about themselves. Fives retain more facts than I do, but Fives and Nines are often quick to figure out things that many may otherwise miss. Fives sometimes do not understand how Nines gravitate towards other people, when Fives generally preferred to be alone, which sometimes bothers Nines. However, by both being quiet, deeper thinkers, they can relate pretty well to each other.

Sixes- The Loyal One That Nines Love

So, I might have a slight bias here since I know SO MANY sixes (it’s the most common type actually) and most of the sixes I know are close friends of mine. And, as I mentioned earlier, I did mistype as Six for a while. Sixes and Nines have quite a bit in common, especially more social Nines. They share anxiety and a deep sense of concern for others. They are friends whose loyalty can be taken for granted. But Sixes are more expressive about their feelings, while Nines hide it behind a calm exterior. However, through these shared traits and similarity when it comes to friendship, they get along pretty well. Nines give Sixes a place to relax and see a positive light while Sixes can be there for Nines when they really need someone and make sure that they are thinking practically. Nines are usually more fearful of conflict, which causes them to merge with others, while Sixes stick firmer to their loyalty for their opinions. But I personally think that Nines and Sixes can balance each other out pretty well.

Sevens- The Energized Version of a Nine

Okay, here me out on this one. It didn’t hit me until recently, but I realized that Sevens are almost a “fast” version of a Nine. Sevens have a lot of energy, while Nines typically do not. Sevens are joyful and excited, while Nines are optimistic as well, but calm. Sevens have to go out and do everything while Nines want to be included, but enjoy staying in. These might seem more like opposites, but Sevens and Nines have a lot of the same desires. They both tend to avoid pain, but generally for different reasons. They both are the “encouraging friend”. Sevens indulge on experiences and things while Nines indulge on rest. I personally think that Sevens and Nines have a wonderful time together. The Seven friends that I have are so much fun, and they make me more energized and excited about things. They help me take risks and encourage me to be myself. Nines often help Sevens feel more content, and are there for them when they need to process things. Fours are good for Sevens because they help them explore the less “friendly” emotions, but I think Nines are good for Sevens too because they can give the type of encouraging responses Sevens want to hear and they don’t dwell on those negative things for longer than necessary.

Eights- A Little Scary, But Good for Nines

We used to have an amazing youth pastor at my church, and she was an Eight. I will admit that when I was younger, I used to be intimidated by her directness and strong presence. But as I got to know her, I started realizing why everyone loved her so much. She was determined to be there for each of the youth and she was fun to be around. She was one of the most devoted people I have ever met. Eights fight for justice, and I think that Nines have an admiration for how Eights are so willing to go after the causes they are passionate about. Eights and Nines are pretty much opposites, but opposites are good for each other because it forces the other to grow. And Nines help Eights realize that they can trust others and be vulnerable, while Eights allow Nines to realize that honesty and confidence are necessary for daily life.

Nines- Instant Connection

Even though I’m a Nine, and I’ve been writing general things about Nines based on those I know, the general things most Nines have in common, and my personal experience, I thought it would be good to write about how this Nine relates to other Nines. First of all, I think it’s an instant connection when one type meets another that’s the same. I have one particularly close Nine friend and we could talk for hours about all the Nine traits we share and how they play out in our daily life. (In fact, we probably have since we are bot so Enneagram obsessed ha-ha) Nines are good for each other because we know what means a lot to us and what we want to have in other people, so we can be that for each other. We also provide a place of comfort and encouragement for each other. However, we also can encourage each other to procrastinate or to blend if it avoids conflict, which can be problems. But I think that Nines in relationships with other Nines definitely have an understanding of each other that other types may not get so quickly.

In Conclusion…

I think that there are definitely certain types that Nines “click with” faster, but that certainly does not mean that Nines should avoid certain types. I believe that any type can get along with each other if we appreciate our differences and understand each other. I hope this article was interesting, and let me know your thoughts on how your type affects how you relate to others!

The Painful Thing About Pain…and How We Avoid It

“Worry does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.”

-Corrie Boom

Common Misconceptions

As a Nine, I have often been told that we procrastinate, over sleep, and become overly obsessed with our couch and Netflix. However…that’s not really the case for me. I get up at a early/reasonable time pretty easily (except on a few rare occasions), I used to despise sleeping as a child because I thought it wasted away the day, and I am usually too stressed about deadlines to procrastinate. (Can’t say too much about the TV problem when it comes to the Flash though…) That made me question my Nine-ness when I was first learning about the Enneagram. However, I learned to realize that sleeping meant more than just laying down. It meant all the times I daydreamed about false realities to comfort myself, all the times I actually made myself more busy in order to avoid other tasks, and all the times that I mentally blocked myself from accepting the truth. I have heard experts talking about this as the not physical “sleep” Nines often take part in. This might be a coping mechanism for you too, and I want to help us both figure out another way to deal with pain.

Our Reasons Why

People without this habit might often wonder why we feel like this does anything to help the situation. Some might guess that it’s so we can feel instant happiness instead of dealing with the long awaited troubles. Honestly, I feel like it’s beyond the instant gratification. If you’re anything like me, the last thing you want to do is be a burden to other people. I may not be a Two in the sense that I try to go out of my way to do things for other people (even though I do try to sometimes), but if I can keep my feelings and problems to myself, then I feel like I won’t worry someone. Or better yet, that I never have to find out that my problems DIDN’T concern anyone else. Slightly off topic but I feel like a huge Nine fear is that we don’t matter to anyone else. (I’ll touch on this subject in a future post). But feeling the pain of that or other things ranging from loneliness to confrontation are the things that make us inwardly shut down even if we are outwardly getting everything done. Another thing that may be a factor in how we handle difficult things is the fact that although we may appear calm on the outside, we are having a constant panic cycle going on inside. It’s not always there, but when a stress arises, we still want to hold control and our way of getting “control” is by turning off the things that are in our way.

The Hard Truth

I’m sure that everyone already knows this, but it’s an important reminder: eventually, the thing that we’re avoiding is going to happen, whether we like it to or not. We might be able to stall something, but that could make it escalate into an even greater problem or at the very least, it will still occur.

However…

We do not have to let these problems become what we have made them to be in our heads. At least for me, the more I think about things, the harder it is for me to take action. I analyze what could go wrong, how people will react, and how hard it could be to do. But if we just go out and face our problems, then we can finally move on. Moving on is so hard for me, whether it be in relationships or from certain feelings. I tend to cling onto what I know. However, the best way to move on is to address the issue right away and then be able to have peace about the situation. And we Nines love peace, don’t we? 🙂 And the important thing to remember is that we don’t have to go through hard things alone. When I see my friends going through things, all I want them to know is that I’m there for them. The important thing for us is to have those people in our lives, who are willing to actually listen and pray for us.

A Few Tips

First of all, remember that no matter what, it’s okay to be upset. It’s okay to take some time for yourself to reflect on the situation, to pray, and to find comfort. It’s even okay to take a while to process what happened. But then there has to be a time of taking action and letting go.

As for some tips for processing things, here are some that have helped me:

  • Taking a long, quiet walk
  • Journaling (Either prayer journaling or just journaling your thoughts and feelings)
  • Talking things out with a close friend or family member (sometimes it’s better to do it with someone who is unrelated to the situation so that they do not have a bias or can give new insight)
  • Making a playlist that helps you (I have a few songs that give me comfort, and when I’m going through a rough time, they have really helped me get perspective)
  • Making a list of what hurt you specifically so that you can address those things and not make the situation bigger than it really is
  • Making a list of positive people or events in your life that you are thankful for

In Conclusion…

I one hundred percent understand how hard it is to deal with things that feel out of control and it’s easy to slip into that “sleepwalking through life” mentality. But if you do that, then you will miss the good as well as the difficult. Just know that the pain isn’t going to last forever, and if you have made it this far, you have the strength to get through it. Thanks for reading this, and let me know if this was any help. I hope you all have a blessed day!