Tag: Devotional

The God of Feelings

Do you ever worry about your feelings being too big for God? Here’s some advice and encouragement!

I’ve often spoken of how God isn’t a “God of feelings”. He’s so much bigger than that, loyal, faithful, honest, and never-changing. His love is so different from the fleeting love we experience in many relationships.

While all of that is true and important to recognize, I’ve realized I may have done an incredible disservice to you. By speaking so joyfully about God in this way, I may have misled you into believing that He doesn’t have feelings, that feelings don’t have a place in our world. But believe me, feelings do have an important place, and God does have feelings too.

I’ve seen the consequences of not “believing in feelings” firsthand within my own family. I used to think it was just my family, but during the recent spread of awareness about the issues Asian Americans have faced, I’m beginning to realize it’s cultural. It’s a known fact that there’s a stigma around mental health in the Asian American community, often because our mental health has not been seen as important in the past. For my dad’s side of the family, expressing any kind of feeling (other than indifference) is seen as a weakness.

Both my dad and my grandma, whenever they mention a loss or a difficulty, laugh it off to prove they are okay. I’ve never seen either of them cry. They literally live out the line from Let it Go, “Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know.” Whenever I share a hardship with them, they merely shrug and act like I’m an idiot for being the least bit concerned.

But I know those feelings are deep within them. When our dog passed away last year, my dad clung onto compulsive actions in an attempt to unknowingly cope. The stress lines and the frown on his face indicate his anxiety. Yet if asked, it will be received with harsh reprimands for ever assuming anything’s not fine. It deeply saddens me to see them suffering like this. The negative feelings won’t dissipate simply because we choose to ignore them. Rather, they continue to bubble up until we are forced to confront them, often by this point in an unhealthy way.

I think Christians often fall into the trap of making everyone think they have to be fine in order to be a Christian. “You must not trust God if you are sad or disappointed,” they often say. “Everything happens for a reason, and if you don’t believe that fully at every given moment, then you must not be saved!”

But that’s not true. If our faith was dependent on never having a single doubt or wavering moment, then our faith wouldn’t be much of anything. Our faith is built on God’s grace and forgiveness. When we get out on the water with Him and falter, He will stretch out His hand and rescue us. And those moments of truly needing His saving is what strengthens our faith the most.

When we’re close to God, we know His character. He isn’t going to turn away from us when we have tear stains on our cheeks. He isn’t going to laugh at us when we come to Him in bits and pieces after our heart’s been broken. He isn’t going to mock us when we are asking for forgiveness.

Rather, He is going to be there waiting for us, excited when we turn to Him through everything we’re feeling.

It’s when we don’t know God’s character that we fear coming to Him as anything less than perfect. Well, let me tell you, God knows darn well that we aren’t perfect! He knows our every thought and feeling. He hears every whispered cry and every quiet call for help.

But guess what? God isn’t afraid of what you’re feeling.

God is so much more powerful than what we’re feeling. He has given us this life, and these feelings, in order to bring us closer to Him and to each other. So don’t deny the fact that you have feelings. Rather, see how these feelings may be prompting you to show other’s God’s love.

One of the greatest marks of a follower of Christ is compassion. I once read in a Bible study that compassion is “love in action”. It requires stepping into another person’s shoes and feeling what they are feeling. We can’t show compassion if we deny ourselves our right to feel.

We can’t control how we feel, but we can control what we do with those feelings. If you are worried about your feelings taking over your life, then remember that you can allow God to use those feelings for good.

No matter how you’re feeling today, your feelings are valid. They matter. But they certainly won’t ever define who you are in Christ.

Lord, you have examined me

    and know all about me.

2 You know when I sit down and when I get up.

    You know my thoughts before I think them.

3 You know where I go and where I lie down.

    You know everything I do.

4 Lord, even before I say a word,

    you already know it.

Psalm 139:1-4

Song Recommendation: Broken Prayers, by Riley Clemmons: https://youtu.be/cBDt_-tIfLI

Known

Do you ever wish you knew what God would say to your questions?

Do you have that person in your life that you know so incredibly well, you feel like you can read their minds? You know their answer to your question before you even ask, and you could answer for them if need be. You know how they feel about situations, what advice they’d probably give you, and what each distinct facial expression means.

Yesterday, I had a moment with my mom that freaked her out. She started explaining a situation, and without even being a sentence into it, I knew exactly who she was talking about and my answer to her unspoken question. I’d like to think I have superpowers, but in reality it’s likely because she and I have been spending way more time together due to the pandemic. That’s what it takes to fully know someone, spending lots of time with them and watching their reactions to similar situations.

So many times I’ve wished to know God’s answers to all my questions and decisions. Then I wouldn’t experience doubt or regret. I’ve often heard people say that they’d have a relationship with God if they could hear His voice. As Christians, we often worry about pleasing God, and second-guess everything because we aren’t sure if we’re doing what God wants us to.

But here’s the thing: even if we never hear God audibly speak, we can still know His answers to every single question and concern we have.

Now, you might be half-way through an eye roll, thinking, “Great, Hannah’s going to suggest reading the Bible and praying more. Heard that one before.”

Well…yes. But I’m not going to just leave you with that.

You see, we can know God just as well as we know that one person in our lives fully. By spending time with God, we can figure out how He’d react to certain situations. By listening to how God reacted to other situations in the past, (hint hint, through the Bible), we can see how He might react to situations now. The best part about God is that He never changes His mind. He will never take away the gift of grace and salvation He’s given us. He will never suddenly stop loving us. His plan will always come to completion at the right time.

So, if you have the desire to know what God thinks, which is wonderful if you do, then spend more time with God. Even spending an extra few minutes in the Word can bring so much clarity. And prayer…that’s so underrated. Praying can truly make miracles happen. Praying can bring you peace when you thought you could never feel remotely content again. Most of all, prayer is a conversation with God, and what better way to get to know Him than talk with Him?

God knows you fully and loves you, not despite, but because of who you are. When you feel like no one really gets you or you don’t feel like explaining yourself, go to God. He already knows and He’s ready to welcome you with open arms.

But if anyone loves God, he is known by Him.

1 Corinthians 8:3

I am the good shepherd, and I know My own and My own know Me.

John 10:14

Song suggestion: Known, by Tauren Wells: https://youtu.be/gbQ6Lfh5L14

Hope for the “Doormats”

Are you tired of feeling used and your worth depending on others? Here’s some encouragement!

There’s a reason why certain types of people are called doormats. You know what I’m talking about. People who are extremely kind, flexible, and wish for others to notice them, but often make little effort to bring attention to themselves. Hopeful that they will finally get noticed for all the work they do on others’ behalves. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Until they finally grow tired of feeling used.

If you think about it, doormats, or rugs, are a really good analogy when describing these characteristics. When you have a rug, you likely forget to clean it. You step on it, it absorbs the dirt, grime, and pet hair of your family, and then it eventually gets thrown out. I’ve never heard of someone looking forward to inheriting their family member’s rug. Likely rugs aren’t even in the will.

You might be feeling a little exposed at the moment. Perhaps you’re a “doormat”; you allow people to walk all over you. Or maybe there’s someone in your life who you’ve taken for granted. I’ve been at both ends of the spectrum and neither is pleasant, or comfortable, to confront.

You see, when we are doormats, we are trying to find our worth in something that isn’t stable. We are seeking affection, affirmation, and appreciation from people who don’t see our value. We cling to the little words or gifts that might make all we’re sacrificing (often our mental health) worth it. But then, when we’re eventually tossed out or fed up, we’re left feeling empty.

Then, on the other side of things, when we don’t notice the people around us, we can often unintentionally make them feel unseen. Or maybe we are aware of how they look up to us and want to please us, and we (guiltily) take advantage of it. It makes us feel better about ourselves, like we finally have an important place in this world. But that feeling is only temporary.

Though it might seem easier to be the “user” in this situation, the truth is, both parties are hurting. They are both hoping to find a relationship where they feel worthy.

And, my friends, I have the answer to this longing: Jesus. (By now, you probably guessed it 😉 )

Jesus loves us no matter what. Nothing we do or don’t do can change that. He will pick up all our broken pieces and make us whole again. He will guide us through the storms of life and give us unexplainable peace when the hard times hit. He leads us to the right decisions and prompts us to make a difference in others’ lives.

Most importantly, He cares about us and sees us as worthy.

And when we feel worthy, we can help others feel worthy. When we walk down the street, we won’t just be walking through a crowd of noisy people. Instead, we can see each person individually, in need of God’s love. The annoying child next door, the nosy coworker, or the quiet woman on the bus suddenly becomes God’s precious creation.

So today, ask yourself if you are placing yourself in situations that show your true worth. Are you over-extending yourself for the sake of getting others’ approval? Are you overlooking someone who needs to be shown God’s love today?

You will always been worthy and seen by God. ❤

Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.

Matthew 10:32

But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.

Titus 3:4-7

10 Reasons to Stay

Are you struggling to understand why you’re still here? This is a reminder that you are so deeply loved. Here are ten reasons why you should stay simply for you.

When someone is struggling to understand their place here, their reason for existence, people often shame them. They say, “How can you think of leaving me? How can you do that to your family? That’s so selfish!” They provide countless reasons to stay, yet these reasons often come from a place of selfishness from the person being left behind, because they are struggling to cling onto a person they love and need. But today, I am sharing 10 different reasons to stay. Not because of what your absence will do to other people, but because of what you will miss if you leave.

1. Your purpose hasn’t been fulfilled yet

God pursues us until our very last breath. He uses every situation we’re in to make a difference, even in hospital rooms, lonely cars, broken relationships, and wounded hearts. God takes us when He’s ready, not when we are necessarily. That’s scary, but it’s for the best. It means that God has a plan for us up until His end.

2. You will fall in love someday

You may be feeling hopeless after a heartbreak or a person you love leaving. But I guarantee that you will fall in love again. That rapid, heart-pounding sensation that leaves a smile on your face, a twinkle in your eyes, and an airiness to your steps. Maybe it won’t be with a person. Perhaps it will be with a hobby, or a place, or with a new pet. But I promise that you will love again.

3. There are places you haven’t seen yet

Perhaps you are feeling stuck, whether it be physically in your hometown or in a career, relationship, or stage of life. But you will not remain there forever. You will grow and blossom into who you’re meant to be. You will leave a place in wonder, in awe of all that God is capable of. Just keep your eyes open to the possibility that there is more than what’s on the surface.

4. There are foods you haven’t eaten yet

Yes, this might seem trivial, but come on, good food is good food, am I right? Close your eyes and allow yourself to taste the best food you’ve ever had. Perhaps it’s a moist, rich piece of chocolate cake. Maybe it’s slippery, smooth noodles. Or the crunchy freshness of a summer salad. Perhaps you have yet to find your favorite food!

5. There are people you haven’t met yet

You may feel like no one sees you, loves you, or cares about you. Maybe you feel like a burden. But trust me, you are not. You maybe just haven’t found the right people yet. But you will. There are 7.9 billion people on Earth, and you can’t tell me you’ve talked to all of them and they’ve all rejected you, even if your mind lies to you and says that.

There are people out there who will love you just the way you are. They will sit with you and listen to you. They will make you laugh and think your jokes are funny too. They will care so deeply about you.

6. You will miss out on all that nature has to offer

Think about the beautiful sunsets you’ve seen. The swirl of tangerine orange, scarlet red, and navy blue. The puffy cotton-candy clouds painted across the sky. Or how about the sound of a trickling stream or the roar of a mighty waterfall? The soft fur of a kitten and the sloppy kiss from a puppy’s tongue. Sitting beneath a dark canvas, illuminated by bright, sparkling stars. Sticking your head out the window and allowing the cool breeze flow through your hair and nip at your cheeks. Bring yourself back to the place that fills your heart with peace.

7. You won’t know how strong you are until at the end of the battle

At times, I have struggled to understand why I’m here. But the truth is, we underestimate our strength. But it’s the most beautiful thing, looking back at the end of the battle, and seeing how far we’ve come. It’s the best feeling, a feeling that lifts us off our feet and makes us feel ten times as powerful. I don’t want you to miss out on that feeling.

8. God loves you

God didn’t create you by accident or put you in the situation you’re in because He didn’t have anything better to do. He didn’t give you the parents you have because He wanted to burden them. He didn’t give you your friends so that you can annoy them. Because the truth is, you don’t. You may feel like you do, but beneath what they may show you, they truly love you. God gave them you because He knew that you could make a positive difference in their lives.

God isn’t disappointed in you for feeling the way you do. How do I know this? Because no matter what you do or how you feel, His love covers it all. But He wants you to realize that through your weaknesses, His strength can be revealed.

9. I care about you

This is not to guilt you in any way. You don’t have to stay for me, but remember that there is someone who cares. You may think, “Oh she doesn’t know me.” And maybe I don’t. Maybe you’re sitting in a ball on the floor in the dark, a stray tear slipping down your cheek as you contemplate life. Maybe you are sighing in exhaustion after a long day of work and this article is your only escape. Maybe you’re sitting in your car, the light of your phone illuminating your face, a face that’s seen tearful goodbyes, angry authority figures, and words that have broken your heart.

Or maybe you aren’t experiencing any of those things, and that’s okay. Regardless of if we’ve met, spoken, or you don’t even know what I look like, I care about you. I care about you because you have been created by God, chosen and adored. Because I love God, I love you. When we love someone, what matters to them matters to us. You matter to me.

10. For some reason, God wanted you to read this

There’s a reason the title drew you in. There’s a reason you may have subscribed to my blog or clicked on the link. Something called you to it. It has nothing to do with me. It’s all God. God is sending you a message through this, revealing His love to you, and perhaps He’s given you even more reason to stay.

We don’t talk about mental health enough. We just don’t. It’s often seen as taboo or a point of disagreement, especially among Christians. But what are we doing? What are we accomplishing this way? Certainly not making people feel wanted or needed.

I don’t think it’s selfish to want to leave. I don’t. You might disagree with me, and that’s okay. But one of the first things I heard after a classmate died was that they were selfish for leaving their family and friends. For taking the “easy way”.

But I don’t think there’s anything “easy” about struggling to understand your purpose. I don’t think there’s anything “easy” about feeling like a burden. I don’t think there’s anything “easy” about having a brain that constantly replays the enemy’s lies to you.

Mental illness is exactly what the name suggests, an illness. And it should be treated like cancer or heart disease. We shouldn’t stop fighting for the people who suffer with it, or for ourselves, if we do. We should pray for healing, because God has the power to heal anything. But most of all, we should come around whoever is struggling and remind them that they are loved no matter what they are going through.

If that’s you today, I want you to know that I love you. I want you to know that God loves you, way more than I do. And even though each day may feel exhausting, you can make it through. I am proud of you for being here. For every breath you breathe, you can and are making a difference. ❤

But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you.

Psalm 5:11

Turn, Lord, and deliver me; save me because of your unfailing love.

Psalm 6:4

Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalm 23:6

Jesus called his twelve disciples to him and gave them authority to drive out impure spirits and to heal every disease and sickness.

Matthew 10:1

Is This Person Right for Me?

Have you met someone you really like, but you aren’t sure if they’re meant for you? Or maybe you had a person in your life that you wish you could get back? Here’s some advice that will hopefully encourage you.

I don’t believe in “right person, wrong time”. I understand the idea. Sometimes, we meet someone who we think is super great, and then things don’t work out. We want to blame anything we can. They weren’t understanding, we weren’t attractive enough, the timing was off. If it had only been different circumstances…

But no, I can’t and won’t believe that. I believe with my entire heart that God places the people in our life at the time when we need them or they need us. Often, it’s mutual benefit, even if we can’t see it at the time. God knows what He’s doing. He’s got a bigger plan, even when we can’t make sense of it.

The thing we don’t want to admit is that this person that we cared so much about wasn’t meant to be in our lives. We may have invested so much into the relationship, whether emotionally or otherwise, and now it’s all gone. But nothing is put to waste, even painful things. Often, those painful things are what bring us closer to God and teach us the valuable lessons we needed to learn before meeting the “right” person.

Speaking of the right person, you may be wondering if the person in your life right now is the person you’re meant to be with. It’s tough to know that for sure, but there are a few things you should look out for before pursuing a relationship with them. If these things apply and you believe God wants you together, then you should go for it! Who knows, you could end up making the second best (after starting a relationship with Jesus, of course 🙂 ) decision of your life!

  1. They love God more than anything else

This one’s a little hard to wrap our heads around. They have to love someone more than us?! But yes, just one other person, or rather, being. If they put God first in their life, then they will make decisions that best help both of you. You will see them grow into an even better person. And their faith and dedication will inspire you. Speaking of which…

2. They help you grow in your faith

This one is just as important. It’s wonderful for the two of you to grow together in your faith. Perhaps you are at different stages, and that’s okay. The most important thing is that you help each other on your faith journey. That can look different for different people. For some, it might be going to church or doing a Bible study together. Maybe you text encouraging verses to each other and discuss what God’s doing in your lives on a regular basis. Whatever it is, they encourage you and strengthen your faith.

3. They pass the “coffee filter” test

You might be confused on this one, and that’s okay. I recently heard of this concept from a mentor in my life who was sharing how she had to do the “coffee filter” test on her husband before they got married.

Let’s be honest, you both will not agree on everything. If you do, then you are not being honest with each other. It’s totally fine, and good actually, to have differences. It makes life interesting and helps you both learn about other perspectives. But there are always a few things that cannot be tolerated, and it’s important to distinguish between the “not preferred” versus the “cannot tolerate”.

When you use a coffee filter, you see how some things can slip through while others are too big and stay at the top. The things that slip through are the differences or slightly annoying characteristics of the other person that you can live with. Maybe these quirks are helping you grow…in patience :). But then there are some no-goes, the things that are too big to ignore or tolerate. If the person cannot change in those areas or you think it would hurt who that person is to change, then they may not be the one for you.

4. They encourage you

I mentioned encouragement in the faith area, but encouragement in other areas of life is important too. Encouragement looks different for different people. Personally, I enjoy personalized compliments and spending quality time together. For others, it might be gifts, exciting adventures, or even just a fresh cup of coffee in the morning.

When someone is a good encourager, it means they care enough to see what encourages you personally. They may not get things right every time, but when you are around them, you feel like the best version of yourself.

5. They help you pursue God’s calling

This one can get tough, because when we care a lot about someone, we only want the best for them. But our best doesn’t always line up with God’s best, and we can often forget that God’s version of “best” is better than ours.

When you have a calling and you know it’s from God, your significant other should encourage you to pursue it and understand why you feel passionately about it. Of course, this doesn’t mean they have to automatically jump up and want to join you, but it does mean they respect your decision and want you to do whatever God leads you to do.

I hope that this advice helps you! This topic means a lot to me personally for many reasons. I grew up in a home where my parents were unequally yoked (one was Christian and the other wasn’t). In some ways, it strengthened my faith because it had to be my own. But in other ways, it deeply saddened me as I had to keep the biggest part of my life to myself when around one of my parents. They also couldn’t connect on the spiritual level nor had the same priorities, which made life less pleasant for them.

I’ve also experienced the feeling of “right person, wrong time”. I really thought this person was the one, and then he wasn’t. That broke my heart, but over time, I’ve realized that God has better things in store for me. It’s taken me a year to figure that out, and I want to help you if you are in the broken hearted stage right now.

A friend once told me, “I’m confident that you will end up with a really good, godly person. And I’m not confident about most things!”

That really encouraged me. As for you, I believe the same thing. If you listen to God and follow His lead, you will end up with just the right person.

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. 

Ephesians 4:2

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

1 Peter 4:8

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us. 

1 John 4:18-19

Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law. 

Romans 13:8

In For a Dollar

What keeps you from having a deep relationship with God?

At the end of every speech, Christian writer Max Lucado tests his audience by offering a dollar bill to anyone who wants it. Usually, he’s met by silence, a confused crowd. After a little while, one nervous or daring audience member stands up and claims it.

He concluded that there are a few reasons why people don’t race each other to the stage. First, for simply a dollar, it might not seem worth the humiliation of going up there. Second, they may think someone else needs the dollar more than them. And third, they may think it’s a trick.

Lucado compares this example to salvation. There’s nothing we can do to earn God’s forgiveness, it’s simply there for us. We may not believe it will benefit our life, even though it certainly will. We may think others need it more than we do.

I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s two things separating us from God: fear and pride.

Fear tells us that salvation isn’t “really” free. It makes us doubt God and His plan, and even His existence. It causes us to hide our beliefs or ignore our convictions.

Pride makes us think we don’t need God. We allow self-sufficiency take the place of our need of our rescuer–God. We do whatever we can to avoid humiliation.

In order to have a deep and honest relationship with God, we need to trade our fear and pride in for two things: trust and humility. When we trust God, we are willing to do whatever He asks us to, even if the world thinks it’s strange. When we are humble, we allow the Holy Spirit to work within us by showing us where we need to grow and allowing us to demonstrate God’s love to everyone in our path.

We can be confident without being prideful by remembering we are made in God’s image and everything we have comes from Him. We can be logical without being fearful, by taking necessary precautions to be safe while not allowing them to come between us and God’s call.

Sometimes it feels like a long, endless journey towards becoming who God has created us to be. But don’t lose hope. Each day, by striving to know Him and become more like Him, you are growing. God is not wasting this season of learning. He’s shaping you into exactly the person you need to be.

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

Ephesians 4:2

But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”

James 4:6

When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?

Psalm 56:3-4

Don’t Explain Your Smile

Do you feel the need to explain away your joy? Here’s some encouragement!

How often do you find yourself smiling over the littlest thing? Maybe it’s an unexpected text from an old friend, or a dollar bill stuffed between the cushions of your couch. Perhaps you see two kids helping each other on a playground or an elderly couple walk hand-in-hand across the street. Or maybe you have no reason to explain your smile.

And then do you find yourself talking your way out of that smile? Perhaps you feel like you need to justify it. What if someone looks over and thinks you’re crazy for smiling in a world of brokenness, isolation, and violence? Not to mention all the pain within your own story.

Soon, that smile is wiped off your face, and instead you’re thinking about all the reasons you should be unhappy. I’ll smile when I get a raise, you think. Or maybe if that person I care about finally gets their act together.

Today at church, we talked about the word “behold”. To behold something means to relish in its presence, to be in awe of it. During the benediction, our pastor prayed that we would allow ourselves to behold God and allow His joy to fill our hearts, even when our minds are coming up with a hundred excuses why we shouldn’t smile.

I’m not going to deny that there are bad things in this world, things that need to be taken seriously, and shouldn’t be laughed at. However, when we smile, when we reveal the joy that’s inside of us, we are only making the world a brighter place. Our joy can never be shaken or taken away from us because our joy is found in Jesus, and He never leaves us.

I’ve worked through a series of gratitude journals, and all of them have asked me to make a list of things I’m grateful for. Though it would make sense to list the “big things” first, like having a warm house or a stable job, I usually think of the “little things” first. Watching the sun set across the sparkling ocean. Having a fun conversation with a new friend. Watching people laugh together, or better yet, laughing alongside them.

While the big things allow us to live, it’s the little things that allow us to live well. They are the constant reminders that God is watching over us, caring about our every need. They are what prompt us to hum in the shower or skip down the street. They are what make us smile.

Today, think about all the little things that made your day enjoyable. And let yourself smile, really smile, knowing that while things aren’t perfect, your hope and joy are found in the only One who is perfect–Jesus.

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Romans 15:13

Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the Lord’s people.

Philemon 1:7

Does God Love Me When I Don’t Feel Worthy?

Do you ever worry about God being disappointed when you don’t feel your best? Here’s some advice and encouragement!

Something that stuck with me one time was a remark someone said regarding self-worth. “It really must grieve God’s heart when we don’t see ourselves the way He sees us.”

When I first heard this, I was startled. But of course, isn’t God upset when we aren’t kind to ourselves? However, that only made me feel worse when I experienced self-doubt or self-criticism. On top of feeling worthless, I felt like I was angering God.

While God obviously wants us to see ourselves the way He sees us, I want to assure you that God still loves you when you don’t feel worthy. How am I so confident of this fact? Well, because Jesus says it pretty directly in a familiar parable.

In the parable of the prodigal son, the son had clear reasons for feeling unlovable. After all, he dishonored his father by demanding his inheritance before his father even had the chance to die, and then he wasted it all in a short period of time. He was stuck cleaning after pigs, the “dirtiest” animal by Jewish customs. That was the lowest of the low. He’d rather be a servant at his old home than make pig slop.

Imagine the humiliation of trying to re-enter a space where he was confident and arrogant after failing as miserably as he did. Yet he was willing to risk it in order to get a second chance.

Close your eyes for a moment and picture yourself at your lowest point. Feel the soft sand beneath your feet as you trudge up the hill to your home. There’s a weight on your shoulders, a weight that has only grown heavier as the mistakes pile up. Your clothes are torn and stinky. You’re drenched in mud. But a familiar scent of sweet flowers sends tingles down your back.

Open your eyes and squint–can it be? Your father, a ginormous smile on his face, running faster than any other elderly man has run before. He’s got no weapon in his hands, only open arms, ready to embrace you.

You stop dead in your tracks. Beads of sweat drip off your face and you lift a hand to swat them away. But before you get the chance, your father sweeps you into a giant hug, his familiar scent of sawdust comforting you.

After he steps away, you blunder through your speech, ending with, “I am no longer worthy to be called your child.”

That’s exactly what the prodigal son said, “I am no longer worthy to be called your son.” No longer worthy.

But how does the father respond? He doesn’t even answer that. He might chuckle, like, how could you possibly have thought that? Then he sends out his servants to prepare a feast to welcome you home.

What bigger act of love is there than combining all five love languages together? The father wanted to spend time with his son by racing to see him. He gave him a big hug and kiss. He gave him the gifts of service and presents by preparing this party and pampering him. And he proudly announced to the world that this is his son, who was “dead and has come alive again”. Not wasting time. Not humiliating the family. But dead, lost, missed.

We so easily believe the lie from the enemy that our feelings towards ourselves reflect how God and others see us. When we feel embarrassed, we are sure we can’t be used for good. When we fall into temptation, we believe we can never be forgiven. When we make a mistake, we think we are unlovable.

But God says otherwise. He doesn’t go off of feelings; He goes off facts. And the fact is, He loves us so much that He wants to welcome us home after every mistake, every self-doubt, and every stumble.

Today, if you’ve been feeling ashamed of yourself, remember how God sees you. He loves you so much and He’s ready for you to come home.

But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him.

Luke 15:20

Therefore, my friends, I want you to know that through Jesus the forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you.

Acts 13:38

Too Late…Or Right on Time?

Do you feel like life is passing you by? Here’s hope for the times when you feel too late to make a difference.

Growing up, one of my biggest fears was being late. Late to school, late to appointments, late to practices. My stomach would churn, my heart would race, I would gag in the car on my way if I knew there was a chance I’d be late.

So often, we are afraid that things are too late. We think God’s answer to our prayer is too late. We’re too old to meet someone new. We’re too burned out to make a difference. We’ve been sick too long to be healed, and if we are healed, then why didn’t God heal us fast enough?

I think this stems from our society’s fear of being late. It started off as a sign of respect, being on time. That’s a good thing. It’s good and professional to be on time to meet. But now there’s this stigma around being late to life events. Oh, you don’t know what you’re going to do with your life by the time high school’s over? Too late! Oh, you aren’t married and you’re over thirty? Yikes. Oh, you haven’t gotten the job of your dreams by age forty? Guess you never will!

Besides how hurtful these assumptions are, and how they are completely WRONG, they also cause us to doubt God’s timing. And let me tell you something, God’s timing is never off.

I’ll never forget 10th grade, the year that completely changed my life and my relationship with God. I struggled with my mental health; I was really lonely. I thought my loneliness would be “cured” if I had someone to eat lunch with. I tried reaching out to different people, but after being rejected countless times, I stopped. Then, a few weeks before school got out, I realized a fellow classmate was also sitting all alone, and we were able to eat lunch together for the rest of the year.

I kept wondering why God didn’t allow us to connect until so close to the end of the year. I wouldn’t have had to suffer the rejection and humiliation of being all alone, I told God. But then, maybe I wouldn’t have realized how much I need God. I might not have had this burning passion to reach those who feel lost and alone, unseen and unheard. Though that year was tough, really tough, God used it to bring about longer lasting effects than if I’d gotten what I wanted right away.

Waiting often comes with pain, whether we’re waiting to be appreciated, loved, healed, or valued. But in the end, pushing through it is worth it. There have been many times when I’ve wanted to give up on things that God’s called me to do. His answers haven’t come “fast enough” or the reward for the action, whether it be a word of thanks or a renewed relationship, haven’t been given to me yet. But I’ve come to realize that God gives us those things right when we need them most. Not when we think we need them, but when we actually do.

And the best part is, those things that we think we have to wait for, we can find in God. He calls us chosen, loved, valued, seen. He loves us and wants us to come running to Him when we feel anything less than that.

Don’t give up hope. God is never late. He is right on time.

I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him.

Ephesians 3:16-21

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Galatians 6:9

But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day.

2 Peter 3:8

The “Unforgivable” Sin

We all have that one mistake that we doubt God can forgive. But through sharing a piece of my story, I hope I can encourage you and remind you that God will forgive anything you’ve done.
Trigger Warning: Suicide

We all have that one sin, that one mistake. The one that “doesn’t qualify” when Jesus says our sins are forgiven. Sometimes we hide it, ashamed. Other times we talk about it a lot, seeking validation from others. Yes, it is bad enough to still feel burdened by.

But when I tell you that your sins are forgiven by Jesus, I mean it with my whole heart. Even that one sin. Even that one mistake. Even if you never got the chance to say “I’m sorry”. Even if you think it’s too late.

Take this from a person who has spent the last two and a half years trying to forgive herself for the biggest mistake she’s ever made in her life.

When people look at me and my life, they might laugh at the idea of me committing an “unforgivable” sin. They might think, “Oh, she’s probably gossiped or lied or put something before God, nothing that serious.”

To be honest, it’s almost harder to be seen that way than as someone who is notorious for doing the “big bad sins”. (But, by the way, all sins come down to the same cost, Jesus’ death on the cross, making no sin “worse” or “better” than another). When you have the reputation as the “good Christian”, people are less inclined to believe you’ve suffered pain or separation from God.

It’s hard to admit and talk about what happened. I worry people won’t see it as a “big enough” deal. I wonder if they will see me differently. I don’t even know what sort of reaction I want from people.

But I’ve come to realize that everything happens in our lives to teach us something, perhaps lessons we are supposed to share with others. More importantly, they should bring us closer to God. And, though it’s taken time, this one certainly did. If my story helps someone else on their healing process, then it’s worth being vulnerable.

It was January. I met him three months before– the guy who changed my life. When we first met, I thought he was nice, perhaps overly friendly, but the longer I knew him, the more my discomfort grew. To say I knew him would be an overstatement. The truth is, I really only had a few interactions with him. I was scared of him, I think, and of what I believed his intentions were. Each interaction sent me into a spiral of hateful thoughts. They stemmed from a place of fear and insecurity. I should’ve said something, but I didn’t. Instead, I dreaded seeing him and allowed my feelings to consume me.

When I say hateful, I truly mean hateful. They were unlike anything I had ever felt before or since. These feelings burned inside my chest. I could barely look at him; I could only glare. I remember walking by myself and thinking, I wish he were dead.

The last time I saw him was around Christmas. We were in a packed gym, and he was playing spike ball with some friends. By this point, I had made it clear I wasn’t interested. The ball rolled over to me, and he came to get it. He started saying thank you, like he expected me to pick it up. Instead, I moved to the side and avoided looking at him. Yet he thanked me again, and we made eye contact. Then he turned away, and I never saw him again.

January 22nd, 2019. I found out in an email that he died by suicide.

I can’t even begin to describe the weight of guilt I felt. For a week, there was a pressing sensation on my shoulders and I had a constant headache. I didn’t cry because I didn’t know what I was grieving. After all, I barely knew him.

I learned more about him after he died than while he was alive. He was so different than the person I made him out to be in my head. In many ways, that made it all the worse.

It just so happened that a retreat was scheduled the following weekend. Throughout the retreat, I felt isolated, closed off from everyone else. No one reached out to me, perhaps because no one knew I was hurting. I took walks on my own and sobbed, crying out to God and asking Him why such a horrible person–me–could still be walking the earth. What good was I?

At the same time, I had lost several friends and felt incredibly alone. I wondered if this was some sort of punishment from God. Maybe this is why I’m alone, I thought, because I’m a terrible person.

On the last night, my youth pastor gathered us in a circle to pray for each other. Many shed tears as they relayed their current situations. Some recently lost grandparents, another’s father was dying of cancer, and several were dealing with anxiety.

My issues, loneliness and guilt, couldn’t compare to their problems. Why would God want to listen or help the girl who wished death upon His precious child? Or so I thought.

When it came to my turn, I could barely squeeze out my words. I finally whispered, “I just feel so lonely.”

To my surprise, several peers came around me and prayed. One prayer, which I’ll never forget, went something like this:

“Dear God, help Hannah see that she’s never alone and that no one is better or worse than her, but that we’re all equal.”

It was a very simple prayer, yet the weight on my shoulders was lifted. I felt lighter, more alive.

To say that solved all my problems or that it even caused me to believe that I was forgiven would be a lie. It has taken years to understand that God has forgiven me and that He can use me and that situation to help others. But it showed me that God cared, and continues to care and love us, even when we’re at our worst. When we feel unforgivable.

I don’t know what sort of “unforgivable sin” is burdening your heart. But I believe that God has already forgiven you and doesn’t want you to be bogged down by the past, but rather look forward with joy to what He has in store for you. It’s also okay if the healing process is taking longer than you thought or what others claim it should be. But you are healing, I can promise you that.

I also want you to know that if you feel unseen or unloved, I’m so sorry. But you are not unseen or unloved. You are treasured, adored, by the most powerful Being in the universe–Jesus. He loves you. He sacrificed everything for you. He wants you to know that you are so special and so needed and so, so dearly loved.

And if no one’s said this to you today, I love you. ❤️

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

1 John 1:9

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Colossians 3:13

In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.

Ephesians 1:7

A wonderful song about God loving us at our worst, titled appropriately enough, Even at My Worst, by Blanca: https://youtu.be/qiD-UzbH5VA