Relationships – Page 5 – The Will to Wake Up

Day By Day

You are free to take life day by day.

You are free to take today one moment at a time. You are free to live day by day.

The future can cause a great ache in our hearts, a flutter in our chests, and an instant sweat to form. We try to calculate things according to our overarching plans, but problems come up, new relationships form, and old ones evaporate, leaving stains on our weary hearts. What are we to do in such a fast-paced world?

We are to be still.

Be still, right here, right now. Take a deep breath.

Everything will be okay. Not everything will go according to your plans. In fact, it’s likely that most things won’t. But what if that’s a good thing?

There are people in your life who you may be longing for, yet feel far away. Perhaps a closed door will bring you closer to them, or an unexpected conversation will lead you to others who are better suited for you.

There may be a dream that surfaces your brain whenever you allow yourself to hope. The path towards achieving this goal will not be linear, but it will be full of growth opportunities.

The things you cling onto now may be holding you back. These hopes and dreams are important and valuable, but will only lead to more stress if you place them before your trust in God.

God is the only one who knows you fully and is capable of cultivating a purposeful life for you.

Cling onto God and the rest will fall into place.

Your progress may feel slow, but it will all be worth it. These small acts of obedience, this budding hope, this glimmering light–they mean something, something beautiful. You are blossoming into exactly who you are meant to be.

So give yourself grace today. You have weathered many storms, yet none have blown you over. You are the last one standing, victorious.

You are improving; you are growing. God is at work within you.

So give yourself the opportunity to breathe and let today be whatever it needs to be.

You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the Lord your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed.
Joshua 23:14

But you are to hold fast to the Lord your God, as you have until now.
Joshua 23:8

The Freedom to Unfollow

Is the presence of unfriendly faces hindering your chance to experience joy through internet connection?

You’re sitting there, phone in hand, Instagram open. Your finger hovers over the “unfollow” button. One simple click and you’ll stop receiving life updates, constant reminders of your bitterness, and the opportunity to relive an ugly part of your past. But an invisible force is holding you back.

This isn’t a big enough deal to actually click the button. I can live with seeing their posts every so often.

Or so you think.

But are your feelings of resentment and frustration leaving you empty and aching inside smaller than a simple number on a screen?

An action that seems so minimal may actually change your life…for the better.

Yet we’ve made the choice to “unfollow” a much bigger deal than it has to be.

There are likely a few reasons why you are hesitant to unfollow.

You may be genuinely worried about the other person’s feelings. And I’ll admit, it doesn’t feel good to know that someone has chosen to remove themselves from your social media page. But just think about it, if you aren’t constantly reminded of your bitter feelings towards them, comparing yourself to their so-called perfect life, then you’ll be kinder to them in-person, when it really counts. Your impression of them may even improve.
You don’t want to miss out. Here’s where FOMO often trickles its way in. We get so preoccupied with others’ lives that we forget we have our own lives to live. Plus, social media very rarely reveals anything that can’t be shared more meaningfully in-person.
You don’t want to lose followers. Well…is sacrificing your own wellbeing worth a few extra likes? I don’t think so.

Unfollowing someone who has been hurtful or has caused you to feel envious can even bring you joy. You are suddenly free from the cycle of resentment and comparison.

About a year ago, I made the choice to unfollow several people who had hurt my feelings in the past. This action was long overdue, yet I feared I’d lose their “support” or miss out on a huge event in their lives.

But my hesitation was fueled by curiosity and fear of losing something I never even had. Once I finally unfollowed them, I instantly felt less resentful towards them and felt free to move forward with my life. They had taken up way too much headspace.

Today, I encourage you to unfollow the people who make you feel less-than or insignificant. Unfollow those who make you uncomfortable or anxious. Remake your page into something that brings you joy and motivates others. Remember, you don’t owe anyone your life’s story or your support. Your love and appreciation need to come from the heart.

And trust me, you are doing yourself and the other person a favor. You are given the power of forgiveness.

Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.
Acts 2:38

The Power of a “Thank You”

When have you been particularly touched by a simple act of gratitude?

Thank you. The magic words alongside “please” and “may I”. This simple phrase that we often disregard or use simply out of politeness may be the answer to saving your relationships.

A family member of mine has worked for years for a company that surrounds him with untrained “assistants”, a demanding boss, and a mountain-load of work that spews into his vacation time and weekends. Understandably, he has wished to leave this company for quite some time. You might think a raise or a promotion or a superior title might convince him to continue his job. But no–all he wants is one thing: a simple “thank you”.

A few days ago, a friend reached out with a kind message of appreciation. Up until this point, I was weary of helping this person and considered distancing myself from the friendship. But this message provided renewed energy and a desire to be there for them.

A person close to me has been a devote member of her church for nearly a decade. She offers her time, talents, and energy into a volunteer position that has enough work to really be a paid job. She particularly poured her heart into the Christmas activities and gifts for the leadership team and children’s families. But all she got in return was a half-hearted, pre-printed card, and a candle with wax spilling down the sides. She didn’t serve for the recognition (or else she certainly would’ve left a long time ago!). All she wanted was a simple “Merry Christmas”, a thank-you for her efforts.

Can thank-you’s really be that powerful? Can they transform relationships, work environments, and communities?

I believe they can.

I don’t mean a hastily tossed out “thank-you” as you head out the door. I mean taking the time (which often only takes a few minutes) to send an appreciative text or mail out a thoughtful card. If you are feeling more generous, taking this person out for lunch or buying a small gift. Don’t do it out of obligation, but out of your admiration and gratitude for this person.

We often come up with excuses to not show our gratitude. We’re “too busy” or “don’t have enough money”. But we don’t have to spend money or take much of our time to remind others that they are loved, that their efforts don’t go unnoticed. Just showing up and listening to them can be enough.

At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself: Is this person worth the effort it will take to make them feel appreciated?

I hope the answer is yes. In fact, I hope the answer is that they are worth much more than whatever you can offer.

The truth is, when we have someone in our lives that restores our hope in humanity, who is there in our time of need, or simply makes the world a brighter place, we feel like we have little to offer in return.

That’s the real reason we are scared to say “thank-you”. We don’t believe we can return the favor, so we don’t even try.

But trust me, whatever you do will make a difference. When our acts of service or generosity come from a heart of love, then it won’t matter how big the reward is, if any.

Today, think of someone who has changed your life, even in small ways. Now, take the time to thank them in an intentional way that you know they will personally appreciate. You won’t regret it.

And as this year comes to an end, thank God for His blessings, despite a difficult year, and the people He has placed in your life.

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.
Colossians 2:6-7

You Can’t Stop God

How do you view God?

Not when you were a child, not when you were a teen, not even yesterday, but today. How do you view God?

For many people, God is this powerful, tyrannical being who refuses us our desires and makes us earn His love. For others, God is a carefree parent who lets us do whatever we want out of the sake of His never-ending love.

To be honest, there are brief snippits of truth in both, yet it’s missing the core of who God is. But before I dig into that, I’d like move this conversation to the musical level 😉

I recently came across the song You Can’t Stop Me, by Matt Hammitt, that perfectly depicts our relationship with God. While this song could be a beautiful dialogue between two people (which it is!), I believe these lyrics are even more profound when spoken between us and God.

The song begins with these lyrics:

Keeping my heart at arm’s length
Pushing me so far away
Keeping my kindness at bay
Tell me who hurt you
Every time that you think
You’ll be too much for me to take
You give me a reason to stay
To see mountains move

Often, the reason why we are in a tense or distant relationship with God is because we have been hurt and misled about the character of God. We believe it’s safer to pretend like there isn’t a God so that we don’t have to “burden” Him with our lives.

However, God is given an even greater reason to pursue us when we believe our problems are too much for Him. God is given the opportunity to prove His love, such as Jesus did on the cross. God continues to show us reasons why He is powerful and all-knowing.

And if you don’t think I’m afraid
That loving you could bring me pain
Oh, I know that my heart could break
It’s a chance I’ll take

Now, God isn’t afraid of anything, but loving us does bring Him pain. While the earlier verses indicate God’s glory and supernaturalness, these verses remind us of God’s human qualities.

When Jesus sacrificed Himself on the cross, when He came down at Christmas to endure earthly trials, He did all this out of His love for us. However, He certainly endured pain and heartbreak at the hands of sin, our sin.

Yet He reminds us that we are worth it.

And you won’t let anyone see you
But I know that one day I’ll reach you
You won’t let anyone love you
But you can’t stop me

In our society, we often choose to hide our true feelings and lives in order to portray an idealized version of ourselves in the hope of pleasing others. But God sees us. He knows us to the fullest extent.

In the end, it’s not our choice whether or not God loves us. We can’t stop God’s love. He doesn’t force this love on us, but it will always be there for us to accept. And someday, He will make His face known to us.

So does this God sound tyrannical, unreasonable, or overly tolerant? I certainly don’t think so.

It’s out of His love for us that He wants us to change and grow into better people, which means He will let us go through difficult circumstances. But it’s also out of His love that He never gives up on us and is willing to sacrifice everything for us.

So, let me ask you again: How do you view God?

For me, on this very day, God is certainly powerful, deserving of our adoration and respect. God is also loving and merciful, forgiving me when I repent from my mistakes. But most of all, God is here. God is with me. God is with you.

God is love, so when we are with God (which is always) we have nothing to fear because there is no fear in love.

And the sooner we accept the fullness of God’s love, the sooner we will finally find hope.

But we ought always to thank God for you, brothers and sisters loved by the Lord, because God chose you as firstfruits to be saved through the sanctifying work of the Spirit and through belief in the truth.
2 Thessalonians 2:13

To listen to You Can’t Stop Me, by Matt Hammitt (featuring Fleurie), check out this link: https://youtu.be/l_RUtxDRwJA

Free to Move On

Do you feel trapped in a toxic situation or relationship?

I once read a caption that said something along the lines of “If you have bad vibes, you are free to move on with no explanation. This is your life, so even when people question your decisions, it’s not their call to make.”

Now, I don’t know about the whole “bad vibes” thing, but there is definitely truth to the essence of this claim. Our society has been built upon compromising, second-guessing, and putting status above wellbeing for so long. Why can’t we change that?

Recently, I made the tough decision to get out of a toxic situation. I held to my commitment until it was over, but I was under an immense amount of stress that eventually felt unbearable. Now, this decision came at the cost of convenience, temporary “peace”, and having to deal with interrogations from others with different priorities.

This was a decision that affected multiple aspects of my life and has completely altered what the rest of my freshman year of college will look like. I understand why people have questions, especially those who don’t fully know the situation, but what pains me the most is hearing others’ stories of similar situations that they forced themselves to suffer through.

So many people were willing to compromise their mental health, not to mention their sleep and studies, for the sake of avoiding conflict. And I don’t blame them for this decision. After all, that’s how our society has been set up, isn’t it? We keep quiet when we’re being used. We stick with a company that’s treated us unfairly. We maintain relationships with people we’d rather avoid. All for what exactly?

As a Christian, I’ve struggled with setting boundaries and removing myself from difficult circumstances because I’ve held the false belief that we have been commanded to just deal with things as they are. But when Jesus says, “Turn the other cheek”, He doesn’t mean stay in toxic relationships. In fact, He commands us as His disciples to do the opposite.

To clarify, we are to spread the good news to everyone, including those who may have hurt us or who we disagree with. We are supposed to love others the way Jesus loves us. However, that doesn’t mean enabling toxic, manipulative, potentially even abusive behavior. In fact, if we really love someone, we should want to help them grow into the people they are designed to be.

We are all created with a divine purpose. Jesus offers us extraordinary opportunities to see Him in action if we listen and trust Him. In fact, when Jesus first sent out His twelve disciples, they were given miraculous healing powers and the chance to spread the gospel to many, many people.

As Jesus gave them instructions, He added something that we don’t often discuss.

Whatever house you enter, stay there until you leave that town. ⁵If people do not welcome you, leave their town and shake the dust off your feet as a testimony against them.
Luke 9:4-5

Jesus cares about us being treated right. He wants us to be in loving relationships and treated as His precious children.

Of course, this realistically can’t always happen, but when we are given the opportunity to get out of toxic situations and relationships, we need to take them. It isn’t “Christian” to stick around just to get hurt more. Rather, we need to see ourselves the way Jesus sees us–worth more than this.

We are given an important purpose, just as the disciples were. When we are distracted by those whose only intent is to harm us, then we aren’t able to fulfill our purpose the way Jesus intended. But we also don’t need to regret the bad situations we’ve been in either. Jesus will use every part of our story to shape us into the people we are meant to be, and that is a beautiful thing.

Today, if you are trying to step away from something harmful, I want you to remember that no matter what anyone else says, you’re worth it. You don’t owe anyone any explanations. This is your one and only life. Be free to be who God designed you to be.

As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.
Ephesians 4:1

Behind You, Beside You, Before You

Is your calling from God difficult to understand?

I’ve always seen the value in honesty, and while this blog is dedicated to encouragement, I need to be real with you about my struggles as well as my joys and past lessons learned. It’s really easy finding the morals in the stories that are so far off, they no longer feel like real life, but merely distant history. But perhaps, as we journey together, we can find hope within the current hardships.

Over the past four months, I have really struggled with my mental health. At first, it was related to triggering events over the summer that left me feeling hopeless. I was looking forward to college as an escape from the issues burdening me over the summer. However, college was definitely not what I thought it would be at all.

I want to highlight that I have made many incredible friends who have truly shown God’s love to me and I would never want to undermine the impact they, as well as understanding professors, have lent me during this time.

Yet many of the things I had eagerly anticipated fell through the cracks. A certain friendship that I had hoped would bring joy and encouragement ended up causing me to experience anxiety attacks and many sleepless nights. I began to feel unsafe, unsure of what to do from here.

Lately, I’ve been reading through the book of Isaiah, which I shared on a previous post. I always associate Isaiah with the idea of being “sent” by God.

I love the verse, “Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” (Isaiah 6:8)

I believe that we all have a calling and that God wants to work through whoever is willing. But what I have struggled to comprehend is the fact that God does not always send us to places where we feel fulfilled or loved or worthy. God does not always send us to people who want to embrace us and accept the gifts we bring.

For Isaiah, his calling was incredibly unpleasant. He had to warn the people of the impending destruction of their entire way of life. No one would like him after that. No one would want to listen to him either.

However, Isaiah was willing, and God worked through him to bring forth many miracles.

Later on, Isaiah is given another message, the exciting news of the promised Messiah! But it took sharing the bad news before Isaiah could share the good news.

Not every single one of your callings will be uncomfortable. We can have hope in that. God will never leave us stranded.

As I’ve been trying to comprehend why the past few months have felt like a never-ending rollercoaster of surprising misfortunes, I came across this verse in Isaiah chapter 8: “Devise a plan; it will fail. Make a prediction; it will not happen. For God is with us.” (Isaiah 8:10)

One of my biggest reasons for feeling discouraged during this season is because so many of the things I truly believed would be huge blessings have ended up exactly the opposite of what I had anticipated. Yet this verse tells us that we can find hope when our plans and predictions don’t follow through. God’s presence is enough to make all things right and sustain us when we feel like we can’t take another step step further.

Later on in this passage, God instructs Isaiah to tell the people to not fear what the world fears. The world fears an effaced reputation, a loss in self-confidence, and ultimate desolation. But we know that our strength, our confidence, our identity, and our future is in God’s hands. We have nothing to fear.

Today, let God’s words to you resonate in your soul. God loves you so much and His plan is far greater than any battle you are fighting. He will go above you, before you, behind you, and beside you. ❤

I will wait for the Lord,
who is hiding His face from the house of Jacob.
I will wait for Him.
Isaiah 8:17

Life Doesn’t Make Sense

Have you recently experienced loss or disappointment that makes you question God’s plan?

I think we can all agree that life is really confusing sometimes.

We expect things to go well and other things to be terrible. Occasionally, life surprises us with unexpected blessings. Other times, we are met with grief and confusion.

Going into college, I was nervous about a lot of things. A few weeks ago, when I reread my list of college fears, I realized most of them didn’t happen. However, many of the things I was most excited about ended up being draining and discouraging.

When we lose something, whether it’s a person or an opportunity or even hope, we are reminded that we live in a broken world. That brokenness that we all experience is often masked behind a clean reputation or an optimistic attitude, but nonetheless it’s there.

Yet there will always be something in life that makes us crack. Heartbreak, rejection, failures, misunderstandings. The list could go on and on. We don’t go into relationships looking for heartbreak. We don’t take risks with the intent to fail. It’s just a part of life being...life.

And when we reach our lowest point, we are faced with a question: Yes, we did not purposely make this happen, but how are we going to react to it anyway?

When we are overwhelmed by disappointment, the world just feels like a dark, gloomy, and lonely place. We want to guard ourselves from any future setbacks. And quite honestly, that mindset makes sense. If you never love anyone, then you’ll never get your heart broken. If you never try new things, then you will never fail. But is that really the best way to live?

Today, I was reading from Isaiah chapter 5. The speaker shares a story of a man who owned a vineyard. This man invested everything into his vineyard with the expectation that the vineyard would produce good fruit. However, to his dismay, he was left with a shriveled up garden and nothing to show for his hard work. He responds with anger and despair, traits often tabooed in our society. But you know what? God meets him in his brokenness.

God knows what we are going through. When He created the world, there was no death or brokenness. Wholeness and wellness abounded. Peace and love brought all creatures together. Imagine His disappointment when this beautiful world was tarnished by sin.

Yet God never gave up hope. He continues to fight for us each and every day. In your quiet moments, your sobs muffled behind closed doors, God is there. When you get a life-altering phone call, God is there. When life just feels like too much and you don’t know why, God is there, fighting, advocating for you.

When we lean into our brokenness instead of pretending like it doesn’t exist, we can grow alongside those around us. When we accept brokenness and admit we need healing, our lives will transform, as will our relationships.

God never stops trying. We must never stop trying either. Through our sorrow we have the opportunity to bring comfort to others and experience God’s love through relationships.

Today, I challenge you to admit the things that are not perfect in your life. Allow yourself to feel frustration or sadness or whatever is weighing you down. But then, instead of isolating yourself, see how you can use these feelings to draw closer to God and to those who love you.

You are not alone. You have the most powerful being in the universe fighting for you. With God on your side, you will win every battle.

For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives,¹⁰so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, ¹¹being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, ¹²and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you^[f] to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. ¹³For he has rescued us from the dominion of darknessand brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, ¹⁴in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
Colossians 1:9-14

Intentional Community

How do you feel after spending time with those in your community?

Have you ever gotten home from a social event (or turned your computer off after an online one) and felt instantly drained? Or perhaps you were left feeling elated, wanting to share the love you experienced with someone else?

Community is a tricky thing. We were all created for community, yet because of our broken world, we don’t often get “community” right. Sometimes, when we are told that we should be part of a community, we choose to stay around people who make us feel bad about ourselves or drained our energy. However, that’s not the kind of community God intended for us.

The scripture often used to support the idea of God creating us for community is from Genesis, when God created Eve to take care of the Earth with Adam. When Adam first meets Eve, he is so excited that he verbal rejoices.

This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh.
Genesis 2:23

Adam declares that Eve is just like him. In fact, their humanity is what connects them. Even after the fall, we are still connected to one another. However, we have to be more intentional about honoring that truth.

God created community so that we can worship Him together and reflect His love to one another. Ideally, any group of people would be able to feel refreshed and rejuvenated after spending time together. However, sadly that is not the case, which means not only do we need to be intentional about loving each other, we also have to be intentional about what communities we join.

Have you ever spent so much time with someone that you begin to become more like them? I realized the other day that the voice in my head often sounds like whoever I am spending the most time with! A little scary to think about sometimes…

Even the way we see ourselves reflects who we are around. When we are with encouraging people, we will feel more confident. If we are with negative people, we may experience more stress and irritation with the world.

When you are trying to figure out whether or not you should stay in a community, let God’s Spirit speak to you through your feelings. After spending time with them, are you feeling more alive, more affirmed in how God sees you? Or are you feeling discouraged and drained, used even?

God wants us to be loving to everyone, including the people who make us feel frustrated. However, we can love difficult people from afar. Sometimes God does call us to spend a lot of time with difficult people, and if that’s the case, it’s important to also surround yourself with healthy people. But God would never want you to force yourself to stay in a relationship that hurts you or others.

Today, if you are part of a community that reflects the characteristics of God, thank God and reach out to these people to show your appreciation. If you are not part of a community, ask God to show you who you should connect with in order to fill that void in your life.

You belong, regardless of what others have made you believe in the past. You deserve to be surrounded by people who see you the way God sees you: chosen, loved, and made in His image.

So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them.
Genesis 1:27

More Than You Can Bear

Are you feeling overwhelmed, wondering where Jesus is in the midst of all you’re going through?

Sometimes, life just feels like too much. One thing after another, spiraling into a season of chaos. And when one stressful season ends, it feels as though another is just around the corner. During these times of uncertainty, you may only have the energy to ask God one simple thing: “Why?”.

To be honest, I’ve been asking God “why” a lot recently. Why this school, why these feelings, why don’t I understand?

What are some questions you have for God? Maybe they are related to your mental or physical health, or perhaps an important relationship in your life. There are countless things to question God about; the tough thing is waiting for an answer.

Yesterday, I was feeling overwhelmed by the burden of wanting to do whatever I can to help others, yet not knowing where to start. I was reading about how my generation, Gen Z, is considered a “lost generation” due to the high levels of anxiety, depression, and overall despair. Everyone feels…alone. All they want is to feel something, which leads to an assortment of harmful behaviors that take the place of being fully cared for and embraced.

Do you ever read Bible verses that make you frustrated? Often these are verses that are designed to make us feel better, yet when they don’t, they almost feel like a mockery of our pain. We read verses about Jesus carrying our burdens and our joy being complete through Him, but when we feel hopeless, heavy, and tired, these promises become empty words.

So often, we expect Jesus to be like another person: fallible. We avoid calling out to Him because we assume our emotions are too much for Him or that He won’t follow through in time, if ever. And when we do call out, sometimes nothing changes for a while.

All we have left is our weak, exhausted soul calling out for help and clarity.

When I hear about all the things people are struggling with, I want to scream at the top of my lungs, “Where are you, Jesus?”. But for some reason, that feels wrong. How can I scream at the One who is the source of my joy and peace? He literally saved me. Shouldn’t that be enough?

But here’s the thing: Jesus doesn’t expect us to be satisfied just with His earthly appearance and sacrifice thousands of years ago. That’s why He’s given us the Holy Spirit, called our Advocate, to speak on behalf of us.

Jesus, God, the Holy Spirit…they are all-powerful, incomparable, divine beings who want to be in relationship with you.

The Holy Spirit is inside you, feeling everything you’re feeling, enraged about everything that bothers you, and desperately fighting for you. And when you take the time to listen, really listen, and look for the ways Jesus is showing you He’s there, maybe this burden won’t feel so lonely.

Last night, I wrote in my prayer journal, as I always do, yet I couldn’t feel Jesus. I couldn’t really feel anything except frustration and fear. I asked Jesus what I should do, but I didn’t hear anything. A little while later, I opened up my Bible to continue reading Nehemiah.

In that chapter, Nehemiah was assigning tasks to those helping him do God’s work of restoring a city that had previously been oppressed. One particular character caught my eye, a “faithful person who feared God more than most”. This man was given an important task, a task that was clearly not for the faint of heart. However, Nehemiah, through the guidance of God, knew he could handle it because of his obedience and dedication to God.

Right in that moment, I felt Jesus speaking to me, reminding me that He has given me this life because He knows that I can make good use of it. He knows that it’s hard, but He has equipped me with everything I need to carry on.

I believe that Jesus is telling you the same thing. No matter what you are going through, Jesus is right beside you. He is waiting for you to call out to Him. He wants everything, even your toughest questions. He’s making a way for you, even if you can’t see it yet.

I encourage you to make the time to simply rest with Jesus. Allow yourself to step away from the world and let His Spirit of peace fill your mind and heart. You never know what may come out of it, perhaps even a change in perspective and a renewal of hope.

Jesus promises to never give us more than we can bear. He knows you, He loves you, and He is ready to transform you into the person you are meant to be.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.
James 1:2-4

God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.
1 Corinthians 10:13

A song recommendation if you need encouragement: It’s Gonna Get Better, by The Young Escape: https://youtu.be/DDSNoibW41M

You Can’t Understand…and That’s Okay

Have you ever told a friend going through a hard time that you understand what they’re going through? Perhaps, though your words were meant well, they were received poorly. Here is some advice and encouragement for your relationships!

Have you ever had someone close to you experience a hardship, potential life or death, and you wanted to do everything in your power to be there for them? You wanted to hold them close, tell them that everything’s going to be okay, and that you understand. You formulate the right text to send or the words to speak, words laced with the love you have for this person. To you, this just feels right.

However, to your despair, they give a short response or even say, “But you don’t understand.”

And those words hurt. They hurt a lot. They hurt because you just poured your heart out to a loved one and you feel like you can understand because you’ve either had a similar experience or you feel other people’s pain deeply.

I know what it’s like to truly believe I understand what someone’s going through, and then have my words received poorly. When that happens, it makes me want to run in the opposite direction and never open my mouth again. Or I want to defend myself, citing evidence as to why I understand exactly what’s going on.

But you know what I’ve learned after trial and error? We actually don’t understand. And maybe that’s okay.

I believe that even if you were placed in the exact same situation at the exact same time in the exact same setting, you would still experience the hardship differently.

I was teaching a group of Sunday schoolers (ages 3-6) last week, and I asked them why they thought God made a diversity of humans and animals.

One little boy answered, “Because it’s more beautiful that way.”

Clearly, small minds do not mean small ideas.

This child was definitely onto something with his response. It is beautiful that we can weave our stories into the lives of others and watch an intricate legacy form. Life is simply more interesting because of our differences.

But the fact that we all see things differently can be scary because we don’t always know how others will react. However, by being sensitive to other people’s experiences and perspectives, we can grow into more empathetic and wise individuals.

While we generally want to understand out of our care and concern for others, we also may have a selfish reason for saying “I understand”. When we bring ourselves into the conversation, we are taking the focus off the person in need and pointing the spotlight onto us.

Have you ever listened to your friend’s dilemma and instantly responded with a story of your own that relates? I am certainly guilty of this. Often, we are more comfortable talking about ourselves than others, maybe for fear of saying the wrong thing or wanting to prove that we don’t have life easy either.

But you have nothing to prove. If you are in a mutual friendship or relationship with someone, they will know that your life isn’t easy. Your time to share will come, but it doesn’t need to be at the same time as theirs.

You also don’t have to prove that you care about your loved one. I guarantee that they will feel more loved by your constant presence, willingness to listen, and thoughtful questions rather than you trying to relate your life to theirs.

It is easier to say “I understand”, but assuming you already understand prevents you from learning more about your loved one or the situation they are in. The more you allow yourself to admit “Hey, maybe I don’t fully understand, but I want to understand”, the more you will actually begin to look at the world from multiple perspectives.

This isn’t to say you shouldn’t try to understand others. You certainly should! However, the best way to understand is going into situations with an open mind to whatever God is trying to teach you from this experience. He places us in each others’ lives intentionally, and He will not waste your efforts, especially when they come from a loving heart.

How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!
Psalm 133:1

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.
Romans 12:10