Relationships – Page 4 – The Will to Wake Up

Don’t Brush the Pain Away

Do you feel pressured to make everyone think you’re okay?

I always thought I had to be happy at church. Put on a smile, say everything’s okay, and make people sure that God is working everything out in my life.

Well, God may be working everything out in my life (in fact, I know He is), but that doesn’t always make the day-to-day feel like a breeze.

Recently, I allowed myself to cry at church during a particularly moving sermon. That was the closest I’d felt to God in a long time. In fact, I even wanted that experience again.

And honestly, I think God would take our tears and our grief over fake happiness any day.

Sometimes, Christian culture makes us think that we have to be happy when we are in pain. We’re told that we aren’t trusting God when we allow ourselves to be upset by our pain, to feel those deep emotions.

But when we brush off our pain, we are hurting our relationship with God. We are also discouraging non-Christians by making them falsely believe we are perfect.

When we don’t allow ourselves to be in pain, we miss out on an opportunity to grow closer to God, to trust Him more deeply. We are instead resentful towards God when we believe He wants us to bury our feelings.

But God doesn’t want us to do that. Through Jesus’ own example, it was when He was tried and tempted, bruised and beaten, in the face of impending doom and death, that we witness God’s presence most in Jesus’ life while on earth.

Just think about Jesus at the Mount of Olives. Right before His death (and later resurrection) Jesus called out to God, seeking relief even though He knew what He had to do. Just because Jesus wished for a less painful way and allowed Himself to feel pain, doesn’t mean that there’s anything less in His sacrifice.

You are no less of a believer if you are in pain or grief right now. You may not even know what you are feeling, and that’s okay. God knows and He cares. God will take care of you.

And I assure you, the sooner you take the brave step of being honest about your feelings, the sooner you will find the healing you need.

Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed him. ⁴⁰On reaching the place, he said to them, “Pray that you will not fall into temptation.” ⁴¹He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, ⁴²“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” ⁴³An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. ⁴⁴And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.
Luke 22:39-44

You Have Grown In Remarkable Ways

Do you feel like you haven’t made much progress recently?

Do you ever wish you were further ahead in the journey than you currently are? Perhaps you made a bucket list or a set of goals that have yet to be achieved. Or maybe someone’s critical comment continues to sting.

It’s important to look back and see who we were at different points in time. Ten years ago, one year ago, one month ago, even one day ago.

We are often told that looking back means we are living in the past, but I don’t see it that way when we do it to remind ourselves of how far we’ve come.

When we look back reflectively, we won’t want to be the same person we were back then. Instead, we can appreciate how we’ve already grown so much.

There are certainly things that God is still doing in you. Pruning the rough patches, adjusting your mindset.

But God has already done so much. You have already come so far.

As a photographer, I am reminded of how little changes make a great difference. When I find a picture that needs editing, a simple adjustment of light or shadows can make a huge difference.

I don’t make many large edits to most of my pictures, so when I’m through, it can feel like I barely did anything to improve the photo.

Yet when I compare the original to the transformed version, I see how much clearer the beauty is in the new photo. All the distractions are removed and the beauty that was always there is finally revealed.

You have always been beautiful. You have always been God’s treasured creation.

But as you continue to grow, those innate qualities will be more and more clearly revealed.

Don’t give up. You are changing in remarkable ways. Even if you can’t see it now, it’s there. Don’t lose hope. ❤

And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.
2 Corinthians 3:18

Reactions Versus Reality

Do negative reactions cause you to doubt your purpose?

The perfect gift: a little heart-shaped box filled with colorful paper strips of personalized compliments. I had worked so hard on it and I was so excited to give it to my friend. I was a little nervous to see this friend’s reaction, but I just knew it had to be encouraging.

But when I handed it to him, all I got was a “thanks” before the box was chucked into the back of the car and never to be spoken of again. Afterwards, I wondered if my act of kindness wasn’t really so kind? Perhaps I was in the wrong for thinking I could be encouraging.

Years later, as chuckle ruefully at the memory, I am reminded of how important it is to not allow others’ reactions remake reality.

When we do a kind act, but we are not appreciated for it, we are less inclined to go the extra mile in the future. When we wear something that makes us feel special, but someone teases us, we aren’t encouraged to express ourselves. When we choose to reach out to a lonely person, but that person doesn’t respond the way we intended, we regret our brave choice.

But that doesn’t make any of those actions bad or wrong. It doesn’t mean we should regret helping others or being true to ourselves.

It just means that people’s reactions shouldn’t dictate the way we live our lives.

Think about someone who inspires you. Someone who is kind, even on an off-day. Someone who forgives and is willing to move on. Someone who uses their talents to bring hope and light into the world.

What if that person let one negative reaction stop them from caring? What if that person chose to follow the crowd instead of shine their light?

Well, you know personally that the world would be far less beautiful without their gifts.

You are just as capable of making a difference as the people you admire. But we are all susceptible to being torn down by negative reactions.

So how can we combat discouragement?

By following a different guidebook for life. And I think you know which guidebook I’m talking about!

When we follow God’s calling on our lives (through reading the Bible, the best guidebook there is), we are able to live without regret. Even if people laugh at us, don’t understand us, or pretend like we don’t matter, we will know that our presence and our faithfulness is making a difference.

Today, I hope that you can rest assured that every single kind thing you do matters. Every smile, every check-in, every time you do something extra. It all matters, both to God and to greater humanity, whether you realize it or not.

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
1 Peter 5:10

Embrace, Not Tolerate

As disciples of Jesus, we are called to a higher form of love.

These days, the nicest thing you can do for someone is tolerate them. We are told over and over again as we grow up that we need to create a world that is centered around inclusivity and tolerance. While I fully support inclusivity, I have a huge issue with the word “tolerance”.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, when referring to relationships, the definition of tolerate is this: “To put up with.” Not to love, not to help, not to show empathy. Just to “put up with” them.

If we want to follow Jesus’ example, toleration isn’t the way to respond. Jesus included people from all walks of life: little children, outcasts, disgraced individuals, and regular folks. He invited them all to the table, encouraging them to abandon the ways of the world and commit themselves to being His disciples.

This wasn’t an easy invitation. It required sacrifice, diligence, and compassion, even for enemies. Yet this invitation is still extended to us today.

Within that invitation, Jesus doesn’t ask us to mutter under our breath as we allow certain members of society into the hallways of our churches. He doesn’t tell us to force a smile and pretend like people haven’t done wrong. Jesus commands us to love one another as He has loved us.

That means recognizing our faults, but looking past them to the heart of the real person inside, essentially unconditional love. A warm embrace after an epic mishap. A tender smile after an embarrassing moment. A gently worded piece of advice after we make the wrong choice.

After being with Jesus, we are changed forever. We won’t want to sin anymore. We won’t want to be the same people we used to be. But that doesn’t come from Jesus denying our past lives or giving us angry reprimands. Instead, Jesus helps us to address the root of our pain and guides us on the path to deeper healing.

So how can we extend similar love to others? While we don’t have the power of Jesus, we do have the Holy Spirit working inside us. If we listen and obey what the Holy Spirit tells us to do, whether that’s reaching out to an isolated person or volunteering to restore people’s lives, we will be able to see where our gifts are most needed.

Most of all, we can let go of mere tolerance and instead warmly embrace the people God places in our lives, no matter what stage of life they are in. We can go one step further than putting up with people. We can point them to the grace and truth of Jesus Christ, the only one who can truly save them.

Today, be intentional about how you interact with others. See where God might be calling you to more. And who knows? Your life may change forever too.

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.
John 13:34-35

To the Person Longing to Let Go of Resentment

Are you struggling with bitterness towards a person you used to love?

Dear Seeker of Peace,

Seeing their picture, watching from afar–or perhaps even up-close–and all you can feel is the deep seeded urge to find fault in them. Everything inside you churns with feelings that eat you from the inside–and now it shows.

You long for peace with yourself. They are the ones who hurt you, right? Yet somehow, your resentment feels much worse than what they did. It’s turning you into someone you don’t recognize anymore.

But what you feel isn’t hate–it’s lost love. Perhaps one-side, rejected love. Perhaps lonely, empty, disappointed love. Perhaps love that started off so strong, but fizzled or exploded and lays burnt, like your frayed expectations.

You never wanted to feel this way. Your love started off so beautiful, perhaps even reflective of the love Jesus extends for us to share. But now, it is broken. The only thing you feel is pain.

It’s pain and not hate because deep down inside, you still care very much. Somehow, seeing their name pop up in your notifications still brings a smile to your face. But even your smile feels broken. Used. Betrayed.

It’s okay to hurt.

It’s okay to cry.

It’s even okay to be upset.

But don’t let their mistake or insensitivity destroy who you are and who you are meant to be. It isn’t your fault that they hurt you, but it’s your choice to let it break you.

You are stronger than this. Strength doesn’t come in ignoring feelings; it comes from not letting those feelings control you.

We weren’t made to be bitter. We weren’t made to be vengeful. And we certainly weren’t made to hate–or whatever this is.

But we also weren’t made for seeking love from the wrong people. There is only one person who can satisfy this deep desire and make you whole again: Jesus.

His love will follow you all the days of your life and never leave you nor forsake you.

You will always be precious in His eyes.

Love,

Hannah

My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.
Psalm 73:26

To the Person Who Feels Alone

A letter to you who feel lonely tonight ❤

Dear Chosen,

You may feel anything but chosen tonight as you sit alone. Perhaps you aren’t physically alone, but you feel alone in your pain, alone in your longing for more.

The world feels like it’s passing you by; you can barely stand on your own two feet without shaking. Yet the world tells you that you have no other choice but to keep on going.

Day after day, the ache inside grows stronger until you can barely breathe. Is this it? Is this really life?

For the days when it feels like nobody cares, I want you to know that you matter.

You don’t matter because of what you do. You matter because you are human. You matter because you are still here, still willing to pursue your purpose, even if that simply means getting up in the morning.

You matter because you are fearfully and wonderfully made by Someone who loves you enough to die for you. You may not feel close to God right now. You may not even believe in God.

But let my confidence be enough for you tonight–you were made for amazing things. You are loved just the way you are and you don’t have to do anything to prove that.

In fact, you were made to be loved. Not to win metals or gain followers or invent the latest technology. Not even to be “special”. You were made to be loved by your Creator.

Yet you are not alone in feeling deserted. You have no reason to be ashamed for wondering why you’re here or doubting your purpose. Behind flocks of friends or countless accomplishments hide insecure, scared people who wonder what they are made for too.

That may bring you relief to know that you’re not alone, but I hope it does even more for you. I hope it empowers you to step out and remind someone else tonight that they aren’t alone either.

As you grow comfortable in your identity of being a beloved child of God, you will find it easier and easier to remind others of how loved they are too.

But first things first: Allowing yourself to take a moment to remember that this isn’t it. This isn’t all there is. You are made for more. More love, more respect, and more grace.

It isn’t too late for you. You are never alone. ❤

Love,

Hannah

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.
1 Peter 2:9

To the Person on the Verge of Giving Up

A letter to those who feel rejected.

Dear Beloved,

Sometimes it feels pointless. You are there for others, and then they make you their second best, if even that. You let their words–or rather, lack of words–define who you are.

But even if you are never chosen by the people you love, remember this: The world is not full of truth. People don’t know what they’re missing. You aren’t missing out–they are. By continuing to be faithful, you will do something much greater than be “chosen” by these people.

You will leave a lasting legacy. A legacy full of love. And guess what?

You are chosen. Maybe not by the people who fill your mind and break your heart, but by the people God has led to love you. You may not know who they are yet, but they are there.

Most of all, God chose you. He chose you when He sent His son as a sacrifice. He sent Jesus as your salvation and proof of His love. God chooses you every day, even when our sin breaks His heart.

You are someone’s first choice. You are God’s first choice. Don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise.

You will always, always be loved and needed right here.

Love, Hannah ❤

And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly.
Romans 5:5-6

What Should Our First Priority Be in Ministry?

Though there should be many goals in ministry, one aspect must come first.

Though I’ve only recently become an “official” person in ministry (with a job title), I have volunteered for years and participated in and witnessed others’ ministry. And through that, as different pastors or directors have come and go, each with different missions and ideas, one key aspect has remained crucial. If it was there, it caused the church to flourish; if it was lacking, it was painfully missed.

There are many goals and values people in ministry need to have in mind, but I believe there is one thing that must come before everything else.

Our first priority in ministry is to make others feel cared about.

No fancy ways around this, no complicated language to confuse the main goal. Just simply, make others feel cared about.

Now, you might be thinking, “Caring about others is all fine and good, but what about Church doctrine and the scriptures and equipping others?”

Here is where I must clarify: We aren’t supposed to start and end with making people feel cared about, but it must be our starting place if we want any of the other elements of being in a church community to exist.

I’ve heard many stories of people who have left the Church because they didn’t feel noticed or respected or valued. I had my own experiences in youth group, where I dreaded going for fear of feeling isolated or out of place among people who were supposed to be like family.

You can be a nice person while still missing the mark on this quest for being loving. It takes intentional effort, a pure heart, and thoughtfulness to make people truly realize they belong.

Ultimately, it means embodying (in our own humanly way) the love of Christ.

Regarding the concept that our first priority of the Church should be preaching the gospel, I believe we are preaching the gospel when we demonstrate the key characteristics of the one we serve–Jesus, and giving Him all the glory. Furthermore, Christianity is based on obeying God, but the only reason we want to obey God is because of His love for us. What motive would we have for submission to His will if we didn’t have His love?

The only way to get the Church to go out into all the world and preach the good news is to infuse its members with the kind of love and compassion Jesus brought us.

This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t hold people accountable or sugarcoat the truth of God’s word. Rather, the truth is better received when coming from a loving, caring heart. When we take the time to understand God’s word for ourselves, we’ll be better at bringing its attributes into our lives.

Today, whether you serve in a church or not, you have the opportunity to show God’s love to the people in your community. This doesn’t have to be as complicated as it seems. Allow yourself to soak in Jesus’ unfailing love for you and extend that patience, forgiveness, and understanding to others. Simple acts of kindness, remembrance, and grace make all the difference.

This won’t be easy or natural at first, but over time, it will become a part of who you are. And in doing so, you become more like Jesus, which is the most wonderful thing you can ever do. ❤

Show them what you’re made of, the love I’ve been talking up in the churches. Let them see it for themselves!
2 Corinthians 8:24 (MSG)

Unraveling the Cycle of Overthinking

Do you find yourself ruminating on embarrassing or hurtful memories rather than feeling good about yourself?

It’s the end of a long, brutal day. You settle down for a relaxing evening when suddenly–WOAH–something on your phone catches your eye. Maybe it’s a post or a text that reminds you of someone from your past. Or perhaps your phone is put away and an embarrassing memory pops into your brain instead.

Now your evening is essentially ruined because you’ve spent the past hour or so ruminating over a single interaction or response or photo. Maybe they like you, or maybe they never want to see you again. Maybe they think you’re attractive, or maybe they took one look at you and decided you’re not their type. Perhaps they left hidden messages in their text, or perhaps they were on the go and sent whatever Siri suggested for them.

You’ll never really know, and that’s the key issue. You just HAVE to know!!

Or do you really?

Have you ever found yourself stuck in the cycle of overthinking?

I appreciate Merriam Webster’s definition of overthinking, which is classified as, “putting too much time into thinking about or analyzing (something) in a way that is more harmful than helpful”.

The truth is, everything does have meaning, even if the meaning isn’t what we are imagining. However, we can’t let these embarrassing moments or interactions control our lives. Getting stuck down the rabbit hole of overthinking leads to feeling bad about yourself, resentful towards others, and fear for the future.

But how can we stop it? As an overthinker myself, I am also on the journey of reversing this cycle. Here are a few tips, and I’d love to hear any pieces of advice you have on this topic!

Tips to Avoid Overthinking

Figure out what triggers your overthinking. Is it a particular app? If so, limit your time on it or unfollow the person who makes you feel bad about yourself. If a specific person leads you to overthink, reevaluate the relationship to see if your interactions with this person are leading to growth and joy or doubting and stress.
Listen to positive and/or calming music. Sometimes songs, especially about heartbreak or disappointment, can lead to overthinking. Or if a song is tied to a memory that you continue to relive, you may want to avoid listening to it and focus your mind on things that will bring you hope.
Acknowledge that you could be right, but that doesn’t mean the end of the world. See if there are any realistic, practical steps you can take to get out of the situation or change your circumstances. If not, seek help and wise advice rather than trapping yourself in the cycle of overthinking.
Ultimately, remind yourself of what God says about you. God’s thoughts are the only ones that should really matter to us. He’s the only one who knows us fully and has our best in mind. He loves you, cares about you, and plans to use you for amazing things!

Everything does have meaning, but rarely does anything mean enough to take over our lives. Don’t let these intrusive thoughts get the best of you, but don’t beat yourself up when a discouraging thought pops into your head. Instead, take hold of it and release it. You are stronger than you think and more loved than you will ever know ❤

For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Isaiah 55:8-9

Presenting Our Gifts

Do you ever worry your gifts aren’t enough?

Have you ever remembered someone’s birthday last minute and had to muster up a frantic, lower-tier gift? Perhaps a few things stored away in case of a rainy day or something that catches your eye while grocery shopping ends up in the birthday bag.

You already feel self-conscious about this gift, but you don’t have the time or means to give a better present. What makes you almost feel worse is when the receiver acts completely shocked and delighted by the gift, a measly gift in your eyes. A gift that could’ve been so much more, but could never fully repay the gift of this friendship.

I had that experience today. I found out about a friend’s birthday with less than a week to get her a gift, yet she’s been such an amazing friend, I knew I wanted to honor her in this way. I managed to put a gift together the day before, knowing before I even gave it to her that I could’ve done better.

But then, to both my horror and delight, she was completely surprised and eager to open her gift. Without even knowing what was inside (perhaps due to not knowing…) she thanked me profusely for the gift, touched by being remembered, while I wallowed in embarrassment for not trying harder.

As I’ve thought about it more, I’ve begun to contemplate the real purpose of gifts. Often, we give out of appreciation or care for someone else. It’s a way to thank them, or even repay them, for the role they play in our lives. Gift-giving models the gift of salvation we have from Jesus, but on a significantly smaller scale.

Speaking of Jesus, how can we possibly repay Him? We have gifts to bring to Jesus, such as love, thankfulness, and treating others the way He did. However, our gifts can never amount to the extraordinary gifts Jesus continues to give us each day.

Does that mean we should stop giving Jesus our gifts? Absolutely not. When we give Jesus our gifts, especially through helping others, we are showing Jesus that we love Him and that we aren’t putting His gifts to waste.

Should we be ashamed of how our gifts are so small in comparison to all Jesus has done for us? No, not at all. We could never, no matter how hard we try, give as much as Jesus has. We weren’t created to fulfill one of God’s needs. We are here so that God can love us and so that we have the freedom to love God back.

So the next time you are tempted to think little of a thoughtful, yet unassuming gift for either God or a loved one, remember that the value of the gift all comes down to one thing: your heart. When you give from the heart, it means the world to people. Don’t stop giving. Rather, allow yourself to relish in the fact that when we give, we are able to imitate Jesus, the best gift giver of all.

And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!
2 Corinthians 9:14-15