Tag: Peace

When Life’s Just Plain Mean

Are you feeling tired, burned out by all that’s going on around you? Take the time to rest and nourish yourself.

            I started off writing a post about life’s interruptions. I have had my share of interruptions recently, and though things haven’t exactly made sense, all my experiences seemed to tie together for that post. I was really excited about it, feeling God’s hand on the piece, and then when I went to post it, half the article got deleted.

            I collapsed in my chair, tears streaming down my face, about ready to throw my computer out the window. Yes, things get deleted a lot, but, as I’ll share in that post (which I am definitely going to finish–the enemy can’t win that easily!!!), a lot has been going on in my life that hasn’t made sense. In fact, these things have drained me, shaken me, broken my heart, and have resulted in poorer mental and physical health this summer. This felt like the last straw. If at least one good thing could come out of the situation, I thought, then maybe things would begin to make sense.

            But you know what? Life doesn’t always make sense. I often try to put meaning behind everything (which I still believe that everything is intentional), but sometimes we just have to allow ourselves the time to grieve. Grieve what was, grieve what is, grieve what might be to come. Letting go is hard. Change is hard. Acceptance is hard.

            I’m sure you know all these things by now. In fact, you’re probably waiting for me to finally tell you something you don’t know. Well…I don’t know if I can do that today.

            Here’s what I will tell you. Whatever you’re going through matters. No matter how small, no matter how big, no matter how many people it affects. As long as it affects someone (and yes, you are a someone) then it matters. If it matters to you, it matters to God.

            God promises to be with us through everything. That doesn’t mean we won’t have storms come our way, but it does mean we will never be alone. It’s okay to be angry and hurt and frustrated. But instead of lashing out at others or criticizing yourself or throwing your computer out the window, call out to God. He wants to hear from you during every single season of your life, including the painful, overwhelming ones. 

            And once you’ve done that, rest. Take time to breathe. Take time to listen to calming music or visit a place that brings you joy. Things won’t be solved overnight and you may not feel better that fast either. However, each day is brand new, full of an opportunity to be replenished by God’s peace and grace. Take however long you need to let your heart heal. You’re worth it.

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

The Perfect Balance

Do you feel burned out, exhausted by life itself? May you find rest and encouragement through these words.

For those of you interested in the Olympics, I’m sure you’ve heard the headliner about U.S. gymnast, Simone Biles, withdrawing from her team’s competition this week. Each headline reads differently, but the one I love the most said, “Simone Biles’ Decision Changes the Way Athletes View the Olympics Forever”. By prioritizing her mental health, she is inspiring others who are pushing themselves too hard and encourages us to live life to the fullest rather than to please others. In fact, this choice means more than if she won gold. She could be saving lives by helping others realize their wellness matters more than any expectations placed on them. She will always be remembered, not just as a champion, but as an impactful advocate. Perhaps we can finally become a world that judges “success” not by metals but by how fulfilled and joyful people feel.

I’ve been thinking a lot about mental health recently. As I’ve shared, I’ve had my highs and lows regarding it. I’ve also witnessed others make life-altering decisions because of it, some to benefit them and others out of desperation. This is an issue that truly burdens my heart because so often people feel the need to “fit the mold” in order to be worth anything. They need to feel chosen by people, and if they are rejected, then they fear they have no future.

In all honesty, I have been rejected. Most of us have been rejected. Sometimes, we can just pass it off as that person’s loss and move on. Other times, it really stings. We hear a song that reminds us of them and we can no longer enjoy it. We want to reach out, but we don’t know how. We worry people will think we’re weak for needing a break or needing understanding.

We don’t all experience things the same way. Even if I had the exact same life as you, the things that bother you may not be the things that bother me. Things that cut deeper into me may not cut as deeply into you. That’s totally okay, and normal in fact. However, it means we have to be aware that people see situations in their lives differently, and we have to be sensitive to whatever stage of healing they are in, even if we would’ve healed faster or slower than them.

We need to be open and honest about our mental health. We need to seek the help we need or the space we need so that we can heal. And most of all, we need to turn to God and loving people He’s placed in our lives in order to remember where our worth comes from.

But we also can’t be fixated on one aspect of our lives. That’s often what gets us buried deeper into the hole of discouragement in the first place. When we only focus on our mental health, we can lose sight of our physical or spiritual health, or vice versa.

I was recently talking with a mentor who shared the three “healths”: spiritual (our relationship with God), physical (our lifestyle choices), and mental/emotional (how we feel, especially how much peace we have). There needs to be a balance between the three of them. God is working within each piece of this circle, but we have to do our part to give proper attention to each aspect.

But when we’re supposed to put God first, how can we have both balance and priorities? Well, prioritize listening to God. Ask Him what areas of your life you’re neglecting. If you continue to stay attuned to Him, you’ll be able to find that perfect balance.

Today, you may be feeling overwhelmed. You may be feel all alone. Perhaps you fear that nobody really loves you or cares or sees or knows. But I promise you that you are never alone. God knows you. He loves you and will always take care of you. He sees you, and He is putting you on others’ hearts so that they will see you and love you too. Whatever is burdening you right now will not last forever. Do what you need to in order to heal, regardless of how others might judge you. In the end, your life is between you and God. Your life is a gift, not just to you but to those who are privileged enough to be around you, to be your friend. You are worth whatever it takes to heal.

I love the Lord, for he heard my voice;
    he heard my cry for mercy.
Because he turned his ear to me,
    I will call on him as long as I live.

The cords of death entangled me,
    the anguish of the grave came over me;
    I was overcome by distress and sorrow.
Then I called on the name of the Lord:
    “Lord, save me!”

The Lord is gracious and righteous;
    our God is full of compassion.
The Lord protects the unwary;
    when I was brought low, he saved me.

Return to your rest, my soul,
    for the Lord has been good to you.

 For you, Lord, have delivered me from death,
    my eyes from tears,
    my feet from stumbling,
that I may walk before the Lord
    in the land of the living.

Psalm 116:1-9

Children of God

Have you ever wondered what Jesus meant when He compared believers to children of God? Here is some encouragement for when you aren’t sure if God loves you.

I love children, I promise you I do. I spend more than half my week teaching them, taking care of them, and being humbled by them. All my previous and current jobs and volunteering opportunities have involved kids. They have such a unique way of viewing the world. It’s still mysterious and exciting to them. I love the spark in their eyes when you tell them something they’ve never heard before. They aren’t so quick to defend their former ways of thinking. They are willing to embrace the surprises in life.

But, if you’ve spent any time at all with kids, you know that they aren’t always easy to be around. They are demanding and impatient. They often believe they know what’s best for them even when they don’t, they change their minds frequently, and they are experts at whining.

When I think about Jesus commanding us to be like children, I’ve always assumed He was referring to the positive qualities I shared: curiosity, innocence, anticipation for the future. But today, as I spent time with three very precious children who ran in three different directions and expected me to be at their beck and call, I’ve found a new insight about being God’s children.

Yes, Jesus included children in His ministry to remind us to embrace the surprises in life and see the world through a child’s lens. But He’s also comparing us to children (regardless of our age) because we are His children. I don’t just mean He made us, I mean our relationship with Him is very much like a child’s is with a parent or guardian.

Just think about it for a minute. When we pray, are we listening to what God has to say, or are we demanding that He do what we ask?

He’s the only one who knows what’s best for us, yet we often like to give Him a piece of our mind the second things don’t seem to be working out.

When kids get in trouble, they often claim that they never knew what the rules were. They were never warned, therefore it’s not their fault. It’s yours. Yet, you distinctly remember telling them what would happen if they broke the rules moments earlier.

It’s easy to blame God when life doesn’t go the way we want. We claim the consequences of our actions are His fault, when really, all God wants to do is help us have a fulfilling life. But do we always want to follow His instructions to have that life?

Despite my comparisons to children being mostly negative, I actually think this relationship is beautiful. Just think about it: when a kid whines to you or demands that you do something for them, it doesn’t make you love them any less. When they don’t obey you and they get the consequence for their action, you don’t think “haha, glad they’re hurt”, you feel sympathy for them. When you make rules, it’s because you love them, not because you look forward to punishing them.

And most of all, you want them to know that no matter what they do, you will never love them less. They can’t do anything to earn that love. You love them just because of who they are.

That’s how God sees us. He doesn’t want us to get hurt. He doesn’t want us to feel heartbroken. But He allows things in our life to happen so that we can learn to run to Him. He teaches us through both the good and bad experiences. And most of all, nothing you can do can make God love you less. He loves you because of who you are, not what you accomplish.

And that, my friend, is true love.

This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.  Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.

1 John 4:9-11

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,  neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Romans 8:37-39

Boundaries: All I Learned From My Mistakes

Are you feeling burned out, as though the weight of the world is on your shoulders? Today I’ll be sharing everything I learned from my mistakes when it comes to making boundaries with people.

You’ve tried so hard to be nice. Now, though, things are catching up to you and you still see no reward. Your boss never gave you the promotion or recognition. The person you like still treats you like trash. Your family is only piling on more demands.

I think it’s pretty clear why we need boundaries:

  • For our own mental health

People who struggle with boundaries also often struggle with self-esteem. They believe they have to earn their way into someone’s heart by doing things for them, even at the cost of their own peace and time.

  • For our energy

When we are taking on too many tasks or carrying too many emotional burdens, we get exhausted. When we’re not rested, we aren’t helping anyone. We are often grumpy, not seeing situations clearly, and lacking in joy. Rest is so important, yet often put at the back-burner, and neglected when we take on too much.

  • For our relationships

Any good relationship of any kind deserves to be built on respect. But if one person acts like the workhorse of another, then there certainly isn’t respect happening. But it’s not just the person without boundaries who’s lacking respect. It’s also the person doing all the work. When we don’t make boundaries, we get annoyed at the people we are serving, and resent them more and more over time.

How Making Boundaries Changed My Life

I’ll be honest–I used to be terrible at making boundaries! Especially at church, because I thought it was wrong to say no to good opportunities. But the truth is, there will always be some opportunities that seem good, but just aren’t meant for us. Even now, I occasionally struggle, but I have grown a lot from my mistakes. Hopefully you won’t have to make the same ones as me, but if you have already, perhaps this will help you learn from your mistakes too.

Mistake #1: Repaying, and Repaying, and Repaying…

We all have that one person in our lives. You know the one. They act all friendly when they want something, eager to do anything for you. But then, once they do one favor for you, suddenly you’re indebted to them for life!

I’ve had this happen to me on multiple occasions, but most recently it occurred with a person at my church. She was a great help to me by offering to assist me in my college search and giving me wise advice. She even gave me some experiences I lacked in my college application process that required her time and energy. When I ended up choosing the college she recommended, I felt even more grateful to her.

However, we had a meeting shortly after this happened, where she asked me to help with three different ministries. I love all three of them– children’s ministry, youth ministry, and the host team. I wanted to help with all of them, and I had planned on helping with two. Yet, I was feeling swamped between my new job and demanding course load, which I had already told her about. But because she had done so much for me, the least I could do was agree to these commitments, right?

As I began to work more with her, my joy and affection for my church dwindled. I hardly ever got to listen to the sermon. I was frustrated working under her because I found out she wasn’t clear on giving directions or generous with appreciation. The other leaders I was working with were cold towards me. The students in one ministry seemed more interested in their phones than in even answering “how are you?”.

The worst part was that I blamed myself. The truth was, I could’ve said no. I could’ve told her I only had time to be involved in one or two of those ministries. Then perhaps I would’ve enjoyed my time at church more and would’ve connected more deeply to the people I was serving. I was also irritated that her sacrifice of one day to help me had to be repaid with an entire year’s worth of service.

It’s easy to get pressured into saying yes when we feel guilty for someone else helping us. But we always have to make decisions with the right intentions. Serving in ministry is a wonderful thing, but even that can be done for the wrong reasons. Same with other tasks that seem like good or kind things. You will enjoy life to the fullest when you start saying yes because Jesus tells you to rather than out of obligation.

Mistake #2: Trying to Be Someone’s Hero

Let’s be honest, the easiest way to boost our self-esteem is when we find someone who is immediately drawn to us and wants us to rescue them from their difficulties. We want to be their only source of assistance and advice. We want to be the one they rely on.

But the truth is, besides the fact that should never try taking the place of God, it’s also incredibly exhausting playing “hero”. When we don’t live up to our own expectations, we feel like failures. It discourages us from reaching out in the future. If the person suddenly doesn’t need us anymore, then we feel resentful towards them, feeling betrayed.

I have tried being someone’s “hero” before, but I actually learned this lesson best when someone else tried to be my hero.

A few years ago, I was in a difficult place. I didn’t have very many friends or people to confide in. I never stood up for myself. Then came along an older friend who was more than willing to listen, hang out with me, and introduce me to others. She would say how similar we were to each other, which now I wonder was her way of reassuring herself that her influence over me was working.

I believe she honestly thought she had good intentions. She cared about me and wanted me to feel connected. But not connected without her.

After growing a lot as a person, I began expressing my own views, taking on leadership positions, and making new friends. I wasn’t telling her my deepest fears or secrets anymore. I had new people to share things with or I was able to process things with God. I didn’t need her in the sense that I was dependent on her anymore. I obviously wanted to stay friends with her, and at the time, I hadn’t realized I was her “project”.

I found that out the hard way when we butted heads on a very personal issue, a decision I wanted to make that truly didn’t involve her. However, she had probed until I told her about it, and suddenly she wanted to take over. What shocked her the most was when I disagreed with her. I was no longer this “infant” who needed to be guided, babied, and nurtured. Instead, I was her equal, a person who had her own views and could handle herself.

The thing we argued about came and went. I’m sure I’ll even forget about it eventually. But the thing I’ll never forget is how hurt I was when I realized our friendship was built on her desire to be my savior rather than my companion.

If you really care about someone, don’t try to be their hero. Instead, point them to the only one who can really save them: Jesus.

Mistake #3: Pleasing the Wrong Person

I’ve mentioned people-pleasing many times, and that’s because I struggle with it a lot. I’ve talked myself into believing that nothing can compare to the burst of joy I feel when making someone happy, even when it’s at the cost of my own well-being or my faith.

I have so many instances of people-pleasing that we could be here all day. However, I’ll share of when I felt most convicted about it.

My mom and I were discussing a few responsibilities we had taken on and how we felt we couldn’t speak up on issues we felt passionately about for fear of angering the people we were working with. We’ve ruminated over this topic countless times, mostly because of how frustrated we feel.

Afterwards, I went to do my daily Bible reading, and I started the book of Galatians. Then right there, it was as though God was speaking right to me.

“If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Galatians 1:10

Whoa. To be honest, up until that point, I didn’t think the phrase “please people/people please” was even in the Bible! But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how right Paul was in this sentiment.

When we work towards pleasing people, whether by ignoring the way they talk about people we love, taking on too many of their unwanted tasks, or doing things for them that we wouldn’t normally do, we aren’t pleasing the one that we should care most about: Jesus. People pleasing can be an idol in our lives because we put people before Jesus. We can only have one master, will it be Jesus or the fear of displeasing others?

So Now What?

You might feel embarrassed or ashamed, but don’t be. It can take a long time before we realize we are valued enough by God to not seek validation from others. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to realize that. God understands our desire to make others feel loved, and sometimes that starts off by not having boundaries, and ends up being something healthier.

When discerning whether or not to say yes to something, ask God for His wisdom. He promises to give it out generously. Also ask yourself whether or not you need to trust Jesus if you say yes. If an experience will bring you closer to Him, then it is always worthwhile. But make sure you are still carving out time in your day to rest and spend time with God.

Here are a few books I’ve found helpful when it comes to making boundaries:

The Best Yes, by Lysa TerKeurst

Boundaries, by Henry Cloud

What Happens When Women Say Yes to God, by Lysa TerKeurst

The lot is cast into the lap,
But its every decision is from the Lord.

Proverbs 16:33

But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.

Joshua 24:15

No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. 

Matthew 6:24

God’s Promise of an Answer

You have probably heard the verse about God’s plans for you many times. But have you ever wondered how to find out those plans?

As a recent graduate, I’ve seen the verse Jeremiah 29:11 everywhere! I’ve even shared it on the blog several times. To refresh your memory, this is what it says,

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

This verse is meant to encourage everyone, especially people who are in a new stage of life. It gives us hope, maybe even clarity, as we are promised that God will reveal His plans to us.

We carry this verse all the way to college or a new career or wherever the next season of life takes us. But then disaster strikes–we don’t really know what we’re doing. We struggle to fit in, we don’t get the new opportunity we’re hoping for, we feel alone. Where did the God from graduation go?

We have a daily verse calendar and when this verse was the verse of the day, I tore it off the calendar to save in my scrapbook. When I was rereading it the other day, I noticed the continuation of the verse,

Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you.”

(verses 12-14)

Now you might be asking me, “So wait, we don’t just get our plans given to us freely with our diplomas?”

Well…sometimes God works that way, speaking with complete clarity. But a lot of the time, trials happen in our life not to turn us away from God, but to cause us to go to Him. When we see an obstacle in our path, we get too focused on how its preventing us from achieving our goals rather than how it could be bringing us closer to God. But the most important thing in life is to have a loving relationship with God. It doesn’t mean we don’t have doubts, but it does mean we cling to Him through our struggles and grow.

God’s promise in Jeremiah is still powerful. In fact, it’s even greater than just verse 11 or just knowing what’s next. It’s the promise of finding Jesus. It’s the promise of an answer to our calls, whether they are shouts of joy or cries in the middle of the night.

How often do your feelings get hurt by not being recognized by the people you thought or hoped cared about you? Perhaps they don’t answer your calls, whether literally over the phone or silent calls for help. People don’t always (or often) show up for us in the way we wished.

But God promises to always show up. He never takes a day off from loving us and being there for us.

Today, let that really sink in. Call out to Jesus if you are confused about your purpose. Ask Him those hard questions. Explain to Him why you feel the way you do. You may not always experience what you hope for in life, but I guarantee that your life will begin to find meaning once you go to the One who gives it meaning.

But from there you will seek the Lord your God, and you will find Him if you search for Him with all your heart and all your soul.

Deuteronomy 4:29

Life Hack #2: God’s Will Requires Trusting Him

Do you struggle with knowing what God’s will is for your life? In Life Hack #2, we’ll see that God’s will requires trusting Him.

One of the toughest parts of being a follower of Christ is figuring out God’s will, especially during the monumental stages of life, like picking a career, a spouse, or location to live in. I’m not an expert in God’s will, but I have learned a lot through my own faith journey, particularly over the past year as I’ve been choosing a career path.

Life Hack #2: God’s Will Requires Trusting Him

If you feel like a failure for not knowing God’s will for your life, I understand where you’re coming from. First of all, you’re not. There’s a reason why there are so many theologians and books about the Bible out there. We’re all trying to figure it out and helping each other in the process.

Perhaps you’ve been in the same place I’ve been: Sitting at a desk, standing out in the street, staring across the table…deep in thought. Mind racing, heart beating rapidly, palms sweaty. The decision is due by such-and-such date, yet you still haven’t heard God’s divine voice from Heaven tell you exactly what you need to do.

Sure, you’ve read the Bible, flipping to the concordance to see any words matching your current situation. You’ve talked to countless mentors and friends, all who’ve given you the same advice: Just do God’s will and the rest will fall into place.

But what even is God’s will?

If you want to get specific, our goal as workers for God is bringing more and more people into relationship with Him. Not for the sake of numbers, but because having a relationship with Jesus cultivates love, compassion, and purpose, as well as eternal life.

But that still doesn’t clear things up, does it? Debating whether or not to go on a date with someone or choosing between two careers that weren’t even invented in biblical times won’t get clear-cut answers from the Bible’s definition of God’s will.

One of the best pieces of advice I’ve ever been given was this: You’ll know if you’re doing God’s will when you’re required to trust Him through the situation.

That means that things that are challenging are often part of God’s will for us because He’s giving us no excuse but to trust Him. He’s strengthening our faith.

A wise person once said, “If you ask God for patience, don’t be surprised when He places you in a difficult relationship or situation. If you ask God for peace, don’t be surprised when people you’ve been trying to hold onto are taken out of your life.”

The point is, we often doubt we’re doing God’s will when “everything goes wrong”. But a lot of times, those are the moments God is using to bring us closer to Him, to teach us things. When we realize that God is using every choice we make to help us grow, we won’t be as inclined to doubt ourselves.

Reflection

Is there a difficult decision you’re trying to make? Will one option bring you closer to God than the other? What is God trying to teach you through this?

No matter what you choose, God will work through the situation. The most important thing to do is give you life to Jesus, and He will work all things according to His purpose.

For it is God who is at work in you, both to will and to work for His good pleasure.

Philippians 2:13

Many plans are in a man’s heart,
But the counsel of the Lord will stand.

Proverbs 19:21

In everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.

1 Thessalonians 5:18

Saying the “Right” Thing

Have you been turned away from faith by a person’s words? Or worse, have you said the wrong thing and now regret it? Here’s some advice and encouragement!

I was saddened yesterday by a post a peer shared about the reason she despises all religions, specifically Christianity. She explained that her family “forced it” on her growing up and that a pastor’s weak condolence of “it’s all part of God’s plan” at her grandmother’s funeral was the final nail in the coffin in her rejection of God.

What makes me truly disheartened by this story is the truth that we, as believers, often say things like “it’s all part of God’s plan”. We usually say things like this when things are going well for us, and we want to cheer someone up. Or if we’ve had God reveal this to us through our own experiences. But we have to be careful not to make a few key mistakes when encouraging others in their faith.

  1. What expectations are you holding for unbelievers?

A mentor wisely told me, “We have to be careful to not hold unbelievers to the same expectations we hold believers. After all, they don’t necessary know or care about what the Bible says, so why should we expect them to obey God’s commands?”

This is so true. While we shouldn’t condone sin, we have to realize that until they build a relationship with God, they aren’t going to understand the significance of repentance and God’s forgiveness. Holding them accountable will come in time, but first we must help them realize why they should even desire a relationship with God.

2. Are our words appropriate for the situation?

The pastor’s words to my peer weren’t lies. God does have a plan for everything. However, saying that off-handedly during a funeral may not be the best time. When others experience a significant loss, we shouldn’t force them to move on too quickly. We need to show them God’s comfort and love. Jesus, while on Earth, cried when He saw others suffering. In fact, He holds everyone’s tears in His hands even now. Being present with someone during their time of grief is more meaningful than spewing Bible verses at them. If the Spirit leads you to say something, then say it. But God can work even through our silent moments.

3. Do you have authority over what you are talking about?

My mom once described an old friend as “a person who likes to hear herself talk”. In fact, when making conversation with others, asking them lots of questions is a good start because people enjoy talking about themselves. This can all be fine and good, but when it comes down to witnessing to others, this can often be a shortcoming.

A lot of times we want to share a random tidbit of information we read online, even when we don’t have all the facts. Or we want to answer others’ questions even when we have no authority over the subject. When you are telling someone about Jesus, don’t start creating your own theology or make up answers to their questions. Instead, share personal stories of how Jesus has changed your life.

The best thing to do to be prepared for opportunities to share your faith is reading the Bible. That way you will have authority over what you’re speaking about. Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to lead your discussions. God can give you wisdom right when you need it most.

Anyone who loves Jesus and desires to do His will can be a good witness for Him. Just make sure you’re sharing information that you know will actually benefit and encourage others.

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

Romans 8:26

My peer’s grandma died of pancreatic cancer, which was the same disease that killed my church’s pastor. However, throughout my pastor’s journey, He grew closer to God and inspired others to keep holding onto faith.

While writing a condolence card for my pastor’s son, I considered sounding full of faith by saying, “God knows what’s best” and “Everything happens for a reason”. But instead, I wrote, “I honestly don’t know why this has happened to your family. But I do know that God has wonderful plans in store for your future.”

By admitting this, I didn’t deny God’s greater plan or the pain of his loss. But I didn’t pretend like I had all the answers, because I don’t. When we are vulnerable and honest, we are not lacking faith, we are becoming more relatable to those curious about God. Perhaps I could’ve said something different, something better. But I’m going to choose to believe that I said the best that I could because I prayed about each word I wrote. We often don’t say “the perfect thing”, but if we truly believe we did what God called us to, we don’t have to have regrets.

We may never fully understand God’s plan while on Earth. God wants us to fully grieve and appreciate those we have lost. There are two things that give me hope during seasons of grief:

  1. God is right beside us. He knows and understands everything we’re feeling. His love isn’t dependent on how we behave or our circumstances.
  2. Our sense of time is so different from God’s. A lifetime down here may be a blink of an eye up in Heaven. Though it’s hard to move forward after a loss, eventually we will be reunited again, this time for eternity.

Now that’s something to look forward to.

But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.

Acts 1:8

 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord. 

Jeremiah 29:11-14

This Year’s Lesson

Today I’ll be sharing what God’s taught me this past year!

As my birthday approaches, I’ve been thinking about what God’s been teaching me over the past year. Just choosing one thing to write about is hard! I mean, there’s learning how to listen to Him, how to relinquish control, how to trust Him…

He’s shown me how to grow even in places I never expected to be in. He’s taught me the power of our words. He’s shown me that He’s the only one who can satisfy me.

But the most important thing I’ve learned is that God works in mysterious ways. So many times, things don’t go according to my plan. I wanted this or I wanted that, and when it didn’t happen, I assumed God stopped caring about me. I lost hope. I chose to not see the good in the situation.

If I’m going to be real with you, the past two birthdays, I longed to be in a romantic relationship. After a series of events, I thought that was God’s plan. Or maybe I just wanted it to be?

But this year, God’s shown me that’s not what I need right now. And it’s taken me a year to accept that, to be joyful about that. And I am content about that. Right now, He’s building my relationship with Him so that it’s a solid foundation before I move on to the next season of life.

Growth doesn’t always present itself in the traditional ways. For me, being able to write that past paragraph is a growth step. The biggest goal we can have for each year is that we’re in a better place now than where we were the following year. It doesn’t have to be a place super far away. Just enough to know that we’re still moving forward.

Through my previous example, along with riding a horse I wouldn’t have naturally chosen, being distanced from people I care about, and having school online, have all been things that I didn’t expect or even want. But God has worked through those things to show me that I can still have joy no matter what situation He puts me in. I’m going to have to constantly remind myself of this, but now I know the truth.

God also surprises us in wonderful ways too. He’s given me a new, better job. He’s shown me how to appreciate the people around me. He’s blessed me with an outrageously hilarious puppy. If you think hard enough, I bet you’ll think of some ways God has unexpectedly blessed you too.

You’re not a failure for not being in the place you wished you were in. You’re not a failure for your plans not working out. God’s plans are ultimately so much greater than anything we can imagine. So take heart, because Jesus has overcome the world.

This year, I look forward to growing alongside you. I already have many new posts planned! But I’m also ready to live in the moment and not worry about what’s next because it’s all in God’s hands.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

John 16:33

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

Does the past cling onto you? Do old memories resurface in your mind far too often? Here is some encouragement.

Are you ever going about your day, things are going alright, and then suddenly it hits you– a memory from the past. This memory, whether pleasant or embarrassing or painful, persistently pushes its way into your mind until you feel obligated to think about it. After a few minutes, you’ve stopped everything just to ruminate on the past. You start feeling discontent, uncomfortable, and perhaps even angry. Maybe something is haunting you or you miss the safety of the “known”.

Believe it or not, the Bible doesn’t kid around when it comes to warning us about getting “stuck in the past”. Take Lot’s wife. Her family was saved by God (with a little help from Abraham) from a terrible city just before its destruction. Yet she still looked back, and then poof, she became a pillar of salt!

I’ve often wondered why she was tempted to look back on such a horrible time in her life. Though don’t we often fixate on those moments we wish we could change? That one mistake that led us here. Or perhaps there’s a sense of safety, even in a painful past, that the unknown future doesn’t give us?

Yet I believe with my whole heart that looking back can destroy us. I don’t take this issue lightly, and it’s because I’ve been “destroyed” in this way. No, I haven’t become a pillar of salt, but I have missed out on enjoying the present by focusing on the past. I’ve also lost self-confidence, self-respect, and gratitude to God during these darker moments of my life.

Sometimes it seems harmless to allow those memories to fill our minds. But they tend to take over, an unwelcome guest, staying “rent free” in our heads. I’ll give you a recent example from my life, and perhaps you can think of your own.

A little less than a year ago, a relationship I had poured myself into began dwindling away. I deeply grieved this loss and spent much of the summer and fall wondering what I had done wrong. But over time, I was able to move past it and allow myself to let go. However, every so often, a memory will pop into my mind. Usually it’s an embarrassing one, and I start criticizing myself all over again.

Now, this isn’t constructive in the least bit. I’m just hurting myself all over again when there’s nothing more I can do to “make things right”. And I’ll bet these “mistakes” I made in conversations weren’t what caused our relationship to take a different turn than what I had hoped for. We like to blame the wrong things when life changes naturally, don’t we?

But you know what the saddest thing about this situation is? I’ve let these intrusive thoughts separate me from God. I’ve taken more time to relive a bad memory and secretly wish to be back there to reverse things than thank God for all He’s currently doing in my life. By going back to that unhealthy place, I’m not giving myself the respect that I deserve either. And you know what? It’s been proven that our memory changes with time. Who knows if what we remember is even the truth?

Just for the record, I’m not saying looking back on the past is a bad thing. And we shouldn’t sugarcoat the bad things that have happened in our lives just to please others or because we think we have to. But we also shouldn’t allow the past to control the present. In fact, it shouldn’t even be the biggest influencer in our present. God needs to be. Listening to the Holy Spirit needs to be. Noticing what makes you and those around you joyful needs to be.

There are so many things we can learn from the past. I mean, that’s why we have history class at school, right? But the bottom line is this: You will never miss out on what’s meant for you. When we focus on the past, we forget that vital truth. We stop trusting God and put our hopes and dreams into something that isn’t relevant anymore. And when we put our trust in God instead, we will begin to see the changes we were hoping for.

Next time you find yourself reminiscing, think about how God is using your past to help shape you for the future. Allow yourself to focus on what God is doing in the here and now. Remembering how God has proven Himself to you can encourage you. But so can paying attention to all the things God does on a daily basis! I hope and pray you are able to slowly let go and move onto the path God has laid out for you.

And that path, my friend, only leads forward.

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:13-14

Remember not the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert.

Isaiah 43:18-19

(Normally I just end with Bible verses, but I found a few inspirational quotes that are encouraging too!)

Keep planting and sowing, living and knowing: beautiful things take time, and that is okay.

Morgan Harper Nichols

You are allowed to let go of all those that do not set you free anymore.

Dhiman

Don’t dig up in doubt what you planted in faith.

Elisabeth Elliot

“Skimming” Through the Hard Parts

Is it easy or difficult for you to confront your painful feelings? Here is some encouragement.

Growing up, I was always a fast reader. I’d love rereading my favorite stories, and one of the benefits of knowing the plot ahead of time was skipping or skimming through the parts I didn’t like. Those parts generally included descriptions of bodily harm, embarrassing moments (second-hand embarrassment is real!), and generally any time a character I liked got hurt.

It appears my method of “skimming through the hard parts” has stuck with me through the years. I’ve been journaling for several years now, during a time when I’ve changed a lot, and looking back at old entries makes me cringe! I used to enjoy going through old journals, but now I avoid it because I’d rather just ignore the embarrassing (or even painful) memories.

I’ve shared this before, but I’m not one who easily shares her feelings. I don’t like to admit something has hurt me. Perhaps I subconsciously think that admitting weakness makes me a weak person.

A wise mentor once told me that “the moment we admit something made us afraid, fear loses its power over us”. That will forever be one of my favorite quotes, and to think I heard it in person! Today my pastor tweaked this idea a little bit in a way that may help us both be willing to admit our wounds.

During my Easter series, one of the posts was focused on Thomas and how we can relate to him. Jesus welcomes our questions and our doubts; they aren’t signs of unbelief. Believe it or not, Jesus can handle whatever question we throw at Him!

In the service this morning, the pastor shared how Thomas was able to touch Jesus’ wounds for himself. They must have been healed in some way, right? Thomas wouldn’t have needed to even ask the question of where Jesus’ wounds were if Jesus had blood gushing out of His palms. But yet, there was still enough of a mark to show everyone that He was truly Jesus. And perhaps those wounds never went away until Jesus ascended into Heaven.

But did Jesus hide His wounds, these symbols of the pain and torture He endured? No, he opened conversation about them. He used them as ways to bring others into belief.

What kinds of wounds have you been carrying around with you? Perhaps it’s a painful loss, an abusive relationship, a childhood trauma. Or maybe it’s being rejected, not being seen, or feeling betrayed. Whatever you have been hiding, allow yourself to fully grieve.

You can only heal when you admit your pain and your loss. You can only heal when you allow yourself to feel what you’ve been avoiding, or “skimming”. You see, we can’t skip over the hard parts in life. We can’t speed up the grieving or healing process.

And in those moments of grief, if we turn to God, we can find belief. We can find answers. We can find unexplainable peace.

These wounds are always going to be a part of your story, but they don’t always have to be a painful part. They can lead others to Christ or bring you closer to God.

Today, ask yourself, “What am I running from? What about grief or loss makes me avoid it?” Allow God’s comfort to fill your heart.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

May God, the source of hope, fill you with all joy and peace by means of your faith in him, so that your hope will continue to grow by the power of the Holy Spirit. 

Romans 15:13