pain – The Will to Wake Up

When It Feels Like God Can’t Hear You

Encouragement for when your prayers feel useless.

Silence.

You prayed and you begged and you wept until your eyes were puffy and your throat was sore.

Or maybe it was all in your head. Pounding words, pleading for a break, for a second chance, for a sign. Praying until your head ached, overloaded and overwhelmed.

Perhaps it was a simple prayer. Off-handed, just to see if God’s up there, somewhere.

No answer.

Things didn’t work out, you didn’t get a sign, and your life sucks just as much as it did yesterday.

Maybe…God didn’t hear you.

Or maybe God just doesn’t care.

That’s what the enemy likes to tell us, anyway. That God is incapable of something like listen or respond. But God hears every single prayer.

Maybe that makes it worse. Maybe knowing that God hears every prayer and things still aren’t working out causes your heart to grow heavy. Why would a God who cares allow your life to be ruined?

I have a new question for you: What if your life isn’t ruined?

As humans, we love filling in gaps, guessing what happens next. We plan our lives out to the end, expecting–or at least hoping–for things to go our way. And with God on our side, what could go wrong?

So many times in my life, I’ve felt God leading me towards a new path to take, and I expected God’s blessing to come in the form of everything working out the way I anticipated.

And then things didn’t work out. Relationships fell apart, mistakes were made, and hearts were broken.

Where was God in all of that?

Right there. Right next to me, just like God’s right next to you.

It is through these moments that I’m reminded of a hard truth.

Sometimes, God leads us into situations that are difficult. Just because a situation is difficult, doesn’t mean that God didn’t direct us there.

But we can find peace knowing that God won’t take us through those seasons without a purpose. To help us grow, to spread His light, and ultimately to bring us closer to Him.

So what is the point of praying if God has His own way of working everything out?

Prayer is more than asking God for things or trying to make a situation turn out a certain way. Prayer is a way of showing God that we trust Him through everything, no matter the outcome.

Prayer is our way of connecting to God.

Just let that sink in a moment. We have the opportunity to talk to the Divine, and we often allow momentary disappointment take away from the surreality of the truth.

God wants to talk to us. Yes, God also listens, and He hears every prayer. But going into prayer time with the mindset that God has something to say to you will change everything.

The next time you feel like God isn’t listening to you, ask God to show you what He wants you to get out of the circumstance you’re in.

Maybe He wants to grant you His overwhelming peace and comfort. Maybe He’s showing you how strong you are when you trust Him. Or maybe you are going through this in order to get to an even greater result.

Never underestimate the power of God.

But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.
Exodus 9:16

Don’t Be a Mean Enemy

Why should we listen to Jesus’ commandment to love our enemies?

It’s easy to be nice to people who are nice to us.

But every enemy was once a friend, or at least in a proximity close enough to you to have hurt on either side from the falling out.

I’m sure you’ve seen this most often when a couple breaks up and starts posting nasty things about each other online. Soon, you begin to wonder what they even saw in each other in the first place! Or when two close friends or family members break ties, then it’s as though you can’t speak of them again.

So what happens when it isn’t so easy to be nice anymore?

Our culture would tell us to get them back or, at the very least, snub them. They need to PAY for what they did!

But I’d like to offer a new piece of advice, or really a not-so-new piece of advice that Jesus first gave that goes against our human nature.

Let’s love our enemies and pray for those who hurt us (Matthew 5:43-44).

But why? Why should we listen to such a hard commandment?

Here are a few reasons that help me when I struggle (which is often) with being kind to difficult (and even hurtful) people in my life.

We don’t know what’s going on for real.

When we are angry at someone, it’s easy to assume the worst. But the truth is, a lot of times falling outs or unkind words aren’t really about us. They are about something else that is fogging up the other person’s vision that could be hurting them or making them lash out. This isn’t an excuse for mean behavior, but it does remind us to extend them grace.

We may have a part to play in the situation.

Now, this certainly isn’t to victim blame. There are many times when we are hurt by someone who is trying to execute power over us and it isn’t our fault when we are wounded by them.

This advice is for when you don’t want to take responsibility for a difficult relationship even though you may not have been the easiest person either. We enjoy blaming others when we know deep down that there’s something in us that needs fixing too.

But the best path to healing is forgiveness. Having enough grace and humility to admit our mistakes and not let them define us, and also extending that mercy to others.

We have been forgiven for far more than we could ever forgive someone else.

It’s important to remember who is telling us to love our enemies: Jesus. Every time we sin, we hurt Jesus, acting like an enemy to Him.

But Jesus loves us anyway and paid the ultimate price to be in relationship with us. He knows what it’s like to forgive something so painful, a true betrayal, and still love anyway.

Whenever we get the chance to forgive someone, it’s an opportunity to grow closer to Jesus and feel grateful for His sacrifice.

We look rather ridiculous holding a grudge.

Sorry to be direct, but it’s true, isn’t it? We all roll our eyes when someone goes on and on about their issues with someone, and yet we are just as inclined to act the same way. I know I have, and likely will again in the future.

But there’s always time for a fresh start. Even just the effort of being more considerate with your words and actions towards someone you don’t like will make it harder to be unkind to them in the future. Allow yourself to process the pain and anger without acting in impulse.

Then you’ll never have a regret, and you just might find yourself with a friend again 🙂

But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
Luke 6:27-28

The Root of Resentment

What if the root cause of anger is really pain?

I could feel myself drifting before I knew why.

We were good friends. The best of friends, even. And yet I was becoming more and more resentful of the “perfect life” I thought she was leading.

Slowly, minor things she’d say would sting deep into my heart. I was *this close* to ending our friendship, if there’s even a way to formally end a friendship. (They say breaking up with a friend is harder than a significant other, and I wholeheartedly agree)

But then a mentor in my life told me something that stopped me dead in my tracks:

“We often resent those who we are lacking something from.”

In that moment, I realized that I wasn’t really mad at my friend. I was hurt because I felt like she didn’t need me anymore. That her life was suddenly better than mine.

And I was wrong.

If you are in that place in a friendship, I encourage you to do one thing. It might seem small (yet difficult, given how you are feeling right now), but it could save your relationship.

Reach out and ask them how they are doing. How they are doing really.

No “I’m fine” or “I’m pretty good”. The full story is the only way to realize that perhaps you have misjudged a few things. Maybe they aren’t living it up while you’re left behind. Maybe they still want you after all and were waiting for you to reach out.

And taking this action will remind both of you why you are friends in the first place: Because you care about each other!

The root cause of anger is not rage or injustice. I believe it is pure pain.

When we are hurt by someone, we don’t want to feel weak or overpowered by them. We want to feel stronger, and anger makes us feel powerful.

You are powerful when you are angry. It isn’t wrong to be angry, but it’s important to not let your anger control you.

Evaluate the situations in which you feel particularly frustrated. Has someone made you feel less than your true worth? Or have you been used in an unfair way that has left you ashamed or desperate?

You aren’t weak for being hurt. You aren’t weak for wanting people to notice you or love you or make you feel like you belong. It’s only human nature.

The truth is, we are unfortunately often unaware of how we affect others. We don’t realize how people long for those fulfillments from us. And it’s not our job to fill everyone’s needs.

But that also means we can’t expect people to define us or make us feel our true worth.

The good news is that we don’t need people to do that, either. We have someone ready and waiting to love us to the fullest extent: God.

God’s love surpasses all pain, disappointment, and despair that has been overpowering your life. You are free from the chains of guilt or betrayal. God will never leave you nor forsake you. God loves you more than words can describe and He’s waiting for you to accept His perfect gift.

So why not take the time today to reach out to God and to that person in your life who you’ve been envious of? You’re bound for a surprise, hopefully one that makes you feel encouraged.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
1 Thessalonians 5:11

Don’t Brush the Pain Away

Do you feel pressured to make everyone think you’re okay?

I always thought I had to be happy at church. Put on a smile, say everything’s okay, and make people sure that God is working everything out in my life.

Well, God may be working everything out in my life (in fact, I know He is), but that doesn’t always make the day-to-day feel like a breeze.

Recently, I allowed myself to cry at church during a particularly moving sermon. That was the closest I’d felt to God in a long time. In fact, I even wanted that experience again.

And honestly, I think God would take our tears and our grief over fake happiness any day.

Sometimes, Christian culture makes us think that we have to be happy when we are in pain. We’re told that we aren’t trusting God when we allow ourselves to be upset by our pain, to feel those deep emotions.

But when we brush off our pain, we are hurting our relationship with God. We are also discouraging non-Christians by making them falsely believe we are perfect.

When we don’t allow ourselves to be in pain, we miss out on an opportunity to grow closer to God, to trust Him more deeply. We are instead resentful towards God when we believe He wants us to bury our feelings.

But God doesn’t want us to do that. Through Jesus’ own example, it was when He was tried and tempted, bruised and beaten, in the face of impending doom and death, that we witness God’s presence most in Jesus’ life while on earth.

Just think about Jesus at the Mount of Olives. Right before His death (and later resurrection) Jesus called out to God, seeking relief even though He knew what He had to do. Just because Jesus wished for a less painful way and allowed Himself to feel pain, doesn’t mean that there’s anything less in His sacrifice.

You are no less of a believer if you are in pain or grief right now. You may not even know what you are feeling, and that’s okay. God knows and He cares. God will take care of you.

And I assure you, the sooner you take the brave step of being honest about your feelings, the sooner you will find the healing you need.

Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed him. ⁴⁰On reaching the place, he said to them, “Pray that you will not fall into temptation.” ⁴¹He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, ⁴²“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” ⁴³An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. ⁴⁴And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.
Luke 22:39-44

How Can a Good God Allow Pain?

Can pain actually bring deeper healing?

Out of curiosity and genuine concern, a friend of mine took a poll asking her followers why they choose to not believe in God, and the main result came down to this simple question: “How can I believe in God when there is so much pain and evil in the world?”

This is one of the trickiest theological questions of all time, likely due to the fact that while we can discuss pain at the intellectual level, it’s a completely different story when we’re the ones in pain or watching others suffer.

However, I hope to shed light on this subject in case you are on the fence about God these days. Many of my points are inspired by the book, The Problem of Pain, by C.S. Lewis, which I would highly recommend 🙂

The first step in Christianity is declaring that God is good and sovereign over our lives. But when a relationships falls apart, a loved one passes away, or even when a day full of humiliating mishaps occurs, we are left wondering if God even cares.

But C.S. Lewis argues (which I very much agree with) that the reason we have pain is because God cares. God cares enough about finishing what He’s started (us, His precious creations) to allow pain and suffering because He wants what’s best for us.

Think about it this way: When a potter is forming a masterpiece, will he leave it in a motionless, stable block on the table? No, of course not. Then the clay would just be a meaningless clump of wet dirt. The potter will pound out the air pockets, cut it into the right shape, and bake it to perfection.

Assuming clay has feelings, I’m sure the clay doesn’t enjoy the molding experience. But in the end, the clay has a purpose, a beautiful purpose, after going through the transformative process.

We are like the clay and God is like the potter. God doesn’t want us to stay useless. Our pain, our struggles, and ultimately overcoming those hardships creates a stronger, more faithful spirit within us. God doesn’t inflict pain on us, but He allows it in order to help us reach our full potential.

This, in fact, is what makes God loving. Loving someone isn’t condoning all their behavior. It’s about encouraging them to be who they are meant to be, even if that means going through difficulties or changing. It means being present through it all, just as God is for us.

God has done everything within His power (which is infinite) to ensure a wonderful future for us, an eternity with Him. But we must overcome the obstacles on Earth and carry on His legacy first.

The best gift we can have isn’t even Heaven–it’s being in a relationship with God, the most loving, perfect, and faithful being in the universe. Our pain often draws us closer to God, which is what it’s intended to do. By allowing us to experience difficulties, we are given the best gift of all–God’s comforting presence and understanding of our situation.

Now, like I said earlier, this can all be debated on the academic level. But when it’s personal, things feel a whole lot different.

Though pain has a purpose, it doesn’t make it easier to experience. If you are struggling today, you are not alone. You are loved and valued just by being here. You don’t have to explain your feelings or force yourself to feel “happy” about them. Rather, by being honest about how you feel, you can find deeper healing.

These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
1 Peter 1:7-9

Joy Can Be Found in Every Season

No matter what season you’re in, joy can still be found.

Does each new season of life come abruptly for you? In certain seasons, this change may be warmly welcomed. But in others, this shift feels like the rug has been torn out from under your feet.

Each season is unique and special, both in its pain and healing. But what if I told you that joy can be found in every season, even the most difficult?

Every individual’s life is different, but I often think of life as having five general seasons (not always cycling in the same order).

A season of preparation (also thought of as waiting, though I’ll explain the difference in word choice momentarily)
A season of loss
A season of trials
A season of rest and healing
A season of new opportunities

Now, once again, I’d like to clarify that our lives are too complex to be minimize and shoved into a set of five boxes. However, for the sake of simplicity, we will stick to these five main categories for today. I also realize that my life doesn’t mirror everyone’s lives, but I will use personal illustrations because these seasons have been so clearly reflected throughout my past year.

I use the word preparation rather than waiting because I believe we are waiting in every season. In a season of preparation, we are eagerly anticipating what’s to come. In a season of loss, we are waiting for the pain to ease. In times of testing and trials, we are waiting for our hard work and persistence to pay off. When we are recovering from fast-moving seasons, we are waiting to feel ourselves again. And when we are being restored, we are waiting to see what comes next.

Yet, through everything, we can still have hope and joy.

The SEason of Preparation

I distinctly remember this season starting. I had just graduated and the future felt so bright and hopeful. Yet, I was overcome by a sense of longing, a desire to move forward faster. Little did I know all that lie ahead.

Now, I firmly believe that preparing is an active word. When we feel stagnant in our current states, we must take the time God is giving us to be with Him, encourage others, and spend time in the Bible. We must be ready for what’s to come, yet ultimately trusting God with whatever the future holds.

How can we have joy when life feels boring?

We can reflect on the past and all that God has done through our different stages of life. We can develop our dreams and see how they align with God’s will for us. We can get excited about the future while being intentional about noticing what’s beautiful in the present.

More than any other season, intentionality is key as we prepare for what God has in store for us. Our time won’t feel wasted when we know our efforts are being put to good use.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Ephesians 2:10

The season of loss

This is arguably the most difficult season to find joy. When a loved one or a dream is stripped away from us, we are left feeling wounded, abandoned, and empty.

During this season, we are tempted to escape from the deep healing God is trying to stir within us. Last summer, I experienced loss and a sense of impending doom for the future. I wanted to run away from my problems, and I tried to do that, only to be faced with the truth.

God only wants the best for us. When we are experiencing pain, He is using that to draw us closer to Him. That doesn’t mean we should belittle our pain or brush off the efforts of others to relieve it.

Rather, we should allow ourselves to feel the depth of our pain and heartache. We may not always be in safe places to do this, but when we are given the opportunity, we must be honest with our feelings.

I have often found that my most intimate moments with God come out of seasons of disappointment, loneliness, and grief.

Allow yourself to be immersed in God’s comfort and love. Let these truths sink in:

You are loved.

You are important.

This person, this dream, this opportunity matters.

Your feelings matter.

You are going to get through this, one day at a time.

You can still find joy in this season by realizing you have the unique opportunity to feel God’s very presence in your life. You are able to relate to Jesus’ pain in a way you never have before. And ultimately, this season will lead to deeper healing.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
2 Corinthians 1:3-7

The season of Trials

This season may feel as difficult as the season of loss, yet for different reasons. Instead of feeling immense sadness or grief, you are faced with feelings of frustration and discouragement. You may even wonder whether or not you have a purpose.

You may be tempted to give up when the end feels so far away, yet our greatest strength comes from our most trying circumstances.

We experience the most growth during our tests of faith and perseverance. This growth should not be taken lightly. It is a true gift to be able to develop the skills and characteristics God has placed within us.

We can find joy in the fact that we are becoming more and more like Jesus the longer we follow Him and allow His love to infiltrate every aspect of our lives.

Yes, you are being challenged, and yes, you deserve time to rest. You may feel stretched to the limits, perhaps both emotionally and physically. But you can trust that this time is not being wasted.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4

The season of rest and healing

Though some would rather choose to “skip” this season, we all must take the time to rest and heal from the strain life puts on us.

You are not weak for needing rest. You are not weak for needing time to heal. You are certainly not weak for asking for help during this season, whether it be from a trusted mentor, a close friend, or a professional skilled in helping others work through trauma.

Now, this season may not come after the “most traumatic incident of your life”. We need to periodically take the time to recover so that we are able to show up as our best selves during the seasons that ask a lot of us. Even the most skilled warriors and leaders in the Bible took time to rest. God commanded it, that’s why He built it into our weekly schedule.

But our society makes us feel insufficient when we aren’t able to carry the weight of the world alone any longer. How can we respond to that with joy?

By accepting the fact that yes, we are all insufficient. We need Jesus to carry our burdens with us and give us the deep healing we desire. And once you accept the restoration Jesus offers, you will begin to feel fully yourself, deeply known and loved by God.

Therefore, since the promise of entering his rest still stands, let us be careful that none of you be found to have fallen short of it. For we also have had the good news proclaimed to us, just as they did; but the message they heard was of no value to them, because they did not share the faith of those who obeyed. Now we who have believed enter that rest, just as God has said.
Hebrews 4:1-3

THe Season of New opportunities

I have recently come out of a season of healing. Though I put every last bit of myself into my work, relationships, and education, I plummeted into the season of healing as a shell of myself. I am so thankful to have had several weeks to rest and do things that bring me joy. This has prepared me for the season I believe to be entering, a season of new opportunities.

Over the past few days, I have been overwhelmed by new opportunities and fresh starts. Never have I actually entered a new year with this many changes.

While this is exciting, it is also slightly frightening. After so much has happened, it is hard to believe that good can really come out of life.

During this season, we face immense pressure to be grateful and happy. But we can’t force those feelings. Gratitude is important, but must come wholeheartedly. Happiness doesn’t last, not the way joy does.

Perhaps you are also in this season, or have experienced the desire to be joyful, yet you aren’t sure how to make these feelings appear.

The truth is, joy comes slowly but surely. It isn’t necessarily the initial spark of excitement or eagerness that comes when an opportunity is first presented to us. It isn’t even the relief that comes once things work out. It is in the process of trusting that God is using our gifts and diligence for good.

So, despite the unknowns lying ahead, you can have hope that everything will work out according to God’s faithful plan.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
2 Corinthians 5:17

Trusting God with Our Unknowns

Are you struggling to let go because you didn’t get the closure or answers you hoped for?

Growth can be painful. Change can be painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.
Charles Spurgeon

I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “Let go and let God”. People debated that phrase within the faith community because some interpreted it as a lack of effort on our part. When we simply let go and let God, they believe we aren’t taking ownership over our situations.

I don’t know if I’m particularly a fan of this phrase, but I do think it has some value to it. Yes, we need to be proactive and not expect God to just handle everything while we sit back and relax. But when we’ve done everything we can and we need to let go, that’s when it’s time to step back and remember that God is much more powerful and capable than we are.

I’ll even go one step further by saying we should go into every situation with the mindset that we are not in control and we are walking hand-in-hand with the Holy Spirit, who is in control and can direct us to the right choices.

There’s a difference between being proactive and being controlling. When we are being proactive, we are listening to the Holy Spirit, not allowing our joy and contentment come from the outcome of our situations, and willing to do whatever God leads us to do. When we are struggling to be in control, we are grasping at any loose threads that bring us comfort, trying to find solace in whatever small victories may come, even at the expense of our own wellbeing. When we are working so hard at being in control, we miss the bigger picture. We forget why we are doing what we’re doing in the first place, even if it started out as a wonderful, beautiful thing.

To be honest, this summer, my actions have slowly morphed from being proactive to being controlling. The hardest time to “let God” take over is when we are faced with unknowns. These unknowns fill our hearts with anxiety, confusion, and panic. When we can’t see the end result, we are fixated on the limited view we have of the present.

God called me into a few different situations that required patience, dedication, and compassion. I believe I did everything I could to help. But then, God called me to step back, and that’s when I faltered. I didn’t want to step back. I didn’t want to let go. If I let go, I’d feel like a failure. “There’s always more I can do”, I thought.

Of course there’s always more we can do. But there isn’t always more we should do.

I’ll admit it, there’s a thrill that comes when people rely on me. It gives me a sense of purpose, which is good, but that can’t be where my purpose comes from. My purpose, and your purpose, has to come from God. Because while He doesn’t promise that the purposes found in people or careers will be fulfilled, He does promise that our purposes found in Him will flourish.

Sometimes God isn’t only calling us out of a situation for our benefit. While yes, the reason may be to renew your energy, it could also be because the person you’re helping is relying too heavily on you. They are turning to you as their crutch rather than turning to God for their healing.

Think about it this way. If you’ve ever broken a leg, or seen someone with a broken leg, you’ve realized how important crutches can be to help them be able to move. While crutches are helpful and necessary for a time, they still can’t do everything for the injured person. Eventually, the person will have to do the hard work of physical therapy in order to experience full healing. Though the therapy may be more painful, just like growing and turning to God during our difficulties can be harder than finding someone to rant to, it ultimately brings the lasting results.

It’s really hard, devastating even, to be faced with unknowns. I can’t tell you whether or not this person is still meant to be in your life. I can’t tell you why they left. I can’t, and shouldn’t, explain away all the feelings you are experiencing in this season of change.

What I can say, however, is that God loves both you and this person even more than anyone else ever could. Trust Him to take care of them. Trust Him to take care of you. There never would’ve been any of us without God. He created all of us for a reason and He won’t ever give up on us.

So, perhaps you should walk out in faith today and not give up on Him.

It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace.
Isaiah 55:11-12

He has saved us and called us to a holy life–not because of anything we have done, but because of His own purpose and grace.
2 Timothy 1:9

When Life Comes to a Stand Still

Do you feel stuck, like life is passing you by without any meaning? Here’s hope for the slow-moving times.

Did you know that we (assuming you’re on Earth 😉) are currently moving at 1000 miles per hour around the sun? That’s faster than any roller coaster, mode of transportation, or animal on our planet. Yet, as I stare at the unmoving objects on my desk, it sure doesn’t feel like we’re spinning around at crazy fast speeds. But here we are, changing with each passing minute, time ticking away.

I once heard the old proverb, “Life stops for no one, not even you.” Yet sometimes, it feels like life is at a standstill. We haven’t received the result that could change everything. We haven’t heard back from the person we’re worried about. We haven’t gotten all the answers, the purpose behind our pain. It feels like God is keeping something from us, the key to our contentment.

But here’s the thing: once we get that answer or achieve that goal, we will just move on to something else. If we don’t focus on the growth that happens during the waiting, we miss out on making the most of every season of our lives, even the slow, painful ones.

The truth is, despite how you might feel, a lot is happening. Inside of you, you are deepening your relationship with God. By listening to Him, you are becoming more mature, compassionate, and understanding. During this time, if you spend time with Jesus, you will begin to develop His characteristics. He is equipping you for the important task ahead. On the outside, things are happening behind the scenes that you don’t know about. Maybe they aren’t happening the way you expect, but developments are being made.

You will not be stuck in this season forever. So instead of seeing yourself as helpless, realize that maybe you can even rejoice during this time. There is truly no wasted season when it comes to God’s plans. He understands exactly the amount of time it will take for you to grow into the person He needs you to be.

You are growing. You are changing. You are becoming someone the younger version of you would be proud of. Spend today thanking God for all He is doing in your life and remember that there is so much more to come. ❤

We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield.
Psalm 33:20

Lord, I wait for you; you will answer, Lord my God.
Psalm 38:15

I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope.
Psalm 130:5

Song Recommendation: 2009, by Sarah Reeves: https://youtu.be/_GGdl257Fzk

Love Letters to God

Do you struggle going to God after it feels like He hasn’t heard you? Here’s some encouragement.

If I were to describe love letters in three words, they would probably be vulnerable, humiliating, and bold. Now, I know it might seem like a cop-out to write a letter rather than share romantic feelings in person, but I think it’s just as brave, and possibly more meaningful. It takes more patience, because you have to actually wait for a response. Plus, it takes a ton more effort.

As person who has written (and sent) a love letter before, I can testify that it changes your life. Maybe not in the way you want or the way you expect. For me, I didn’t suddenly have the “relationship of my dreams”. Instead, I was given a new sense of confidence and appreciation. The life I wanted wasn’t what was best for me, and now I’m glad I didn’t get what I wanted at the time.

But I’m not here today to talk about romantic love. I’m here to talk about a love that is just as important–actually, more important–and can feel just as painful sometimes. Our loving relationship with God, which sometimes doesn’t feel “loving”.

Have you ever poured your heart out to God and ended up feeling exposed, even humiliated? That usually happens when A) we mistake God as a critical, angry God or B) we don’t get the results we want.

I’m not sure what you’ve been told, but God is not ashamed of you. He loves you and He welcomes you with open arms, even after you’ve made mistakes. It takes a long time to realize this, especially after making devastating mistakes. However, it’s nevertheless true.

As for not getting what we want, I’m sure we’ve all been there. I’ve shared about my long-distanced friendship with one of my best friends and how we haven’t been able to be in communication for months due to technology issues we have no control over. The day before the last time we talked, I poured my heart out to God, tears streaming down my face, bitter words on my tongue. Then, I heard from her. I thought God heard me (which He did), and that was always going to be His answer.

Well, turns out He has something else in store for us, though I’m not sure what yet. At the moment, He’s teaching me to place my beloved friend in His hands and to trust Him. But I won’t lie, at first, when I poured my heart out to Him again and again with different results, I was frustrated. I wondered if I was doing something wrong, or worse, that God didn’t care anymore.

But here’s the thing: God isn’t a magic genie who grants our wishes. When we pour our heart out to God, we won’t always get the answer that we want. But we will get the answer that’s best for us.

I don’t say that lightly. What’s meant to be will happen. When we place our difficulties into His hands, we aren’t guaranteed answers, but we are guaranteed peace. The moment I let go of the situation, I felt an inner peace. Sure, I’m still worried sometimes or frustrated, and I go to God when I feel that way. But I also know that He will always love me and do what’s best for all of us.

I never want you to stop running to God. He wants us to come to Him because He’s the only one who can truly heal our wounds and give us peace. But when you go to Him, go because you want to be in His presence rather than hoping your wishes will get granted. No one can manipulate God, which is really good, because if everyone was in control, our world would be way more chaotic than it already is.

Perhaps today you can write a love letter to God, confessing what’s on your heart and seeking healing. Love letters are often a way to find closure. Maybe when you write about what’s bothering you, you will be able to understand it better.

I’m sorry for whatever you are going through. You are allowed to feel the pain. You are valid. You belong here. And you will get through this. I promise.

Can anything ever separate us from Christ’s love? Does it mean He no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death? … No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow — not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love. No power in the sky above or in the earth below — indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Romans 8:35, 37-39

The Pain of Healing

Are you wanting to heal and move forward, but something is holding you back? Here is some encouragement.

I’ve learned a lot from working at a barn. One of the seemingly least profound things is that running for lengthy periods of time in boots creates long-lasting effects on one’s toes.

You may be wondering how I’m possibly going to tie that opening in with something biblical or even remotely helpful, but hear me out 🙂

I’ve had a hard callus growing on my toe for months now, and I’ve chosen to ignore it. But today, when I put my socks on, I noticed that it was sizably larger than the rest of my toes. It was also red, painful to walk on, and throbbing. Though I still didn’t want to deal with it, I knew I had to in order for the swelling to go down before work. I attached an ice-pack to my foot and proceeded to go on with life.

However, it just couldn’t be that easy.

Moments after, my foot was even redder and the ice stung my skin. I finally had to take it off in order to concentrate on my work. It was more painful treating the injury than the injury itself! However, it worked, and I’m finally able to function normally again.

I don’t know about you, but when I think of healing, I usually picture myself wrapped in a cozy blanket, close to God, away from the harshness of the world. I’m tenderly held within God’s strong hands, sheltered and protected, not having to deal with what hurt me.

While we are always taken care of by God, avoidance is not the way to find true healing. I’ve lived that lie over and over again, trying to push away the pain and just move forward. I’ve prayed to God to help me let go.

But here’s the thing: I couldn’t let go, I couldn’t heal, until I admitted that I couldn’t do it on my own. I couldn’t find peace until I realized that I had experienced something painful. Even if it wasn’t something that others might be concerned by, it still mattered to me.

So many “inspirational” speakers claim that we can’t look back, we have to chug forward, we have to keep moving. There’s definitely some truth to that. But we can’t just ditch the people and experiences that have shaped who we are without allowing ourselves to fully grieve their absence.

Healing involves pain.

I know that sounds counter-intuitive, but it’s true. Just like how the ice also caused my foot more pain, it was the only thing that could help me. Sometimes the pain of confronting old feelings hurts more than when we were originally betrayed. When we are beginning to heal, it may feel like we’re taking steps backward. We may wonder why we are still thinking about them or what happened. We may wonder why we didn’t get the neatly wrapped ending that movies promise us. We may question whether or not we trust God if we are still processing what happened.

God wants us to bring the hard questions to Him. He knows what it’s like to grieve, but also to bring healing. Sometimes healing happens quickly; other times, it will be years of waiting for the freedom that comes with letting go. It doesn’t matter how long it takes you, just trust that someday you will get there.

Over the past two and a half years or so, I’ve gone through some difficult tests of faith. Some included heartbreak, others included costly decisions and damaged relationships. Each individual instance sparked a different series of actions that caused healing. Each one has taken a different amount of time to process and move on from.

Over the past couple weeks, God has helped me have the confidence to fully let go of something that burdened my heart for a long time. I can’t even begin to describe to you how free I feel. I feel weightless, hopeful. The future is wide with possibilities. I finally feel excited about the plans God has for me.

Coming to this place, where I’m at right now, wasn’t easy. It required many sleepless nights of pouring my heart out to God. Many moments where a song touched my heart in just the right way to elicit a flow of tears. It even required more heartbreak before I could finally release this idea of what I wanted and embrace what God has for me.

The thing I keep repeating to myself is that I will never miss out on what’s meant for me. I believe that to be true for everyone, including you. When one door closes, God will surely open another one.

Today, allow yourself to fully process the past, but continue to have hope that God will restore your life. He loves you so much and He has an incredible purpose for you.

Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.
Psalm 30:2

‘But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’ declares the LORD.
Jeremiah 30:17

You restored me to health and let me live. Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish. In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back.
Isaiah 38:16-17

Amazing song about healing: https://youtu.be/tDiG3Nxm7CU