Tag: mental health

Boundaries: All I Learned From My Mistakes

Are you feeling burned out, as though the weight of the world is on your shoulders? Today I’ll be sharing everything I learned from my mistakes when it comes to making boundaries with people.

You’ve tried so hard to be nice. Now, though, things are catching up to you and you still see no reward. Your boss never gave you the promotion or recognition. The person you like still treats you like trash. Your family is only piling on more demands.

I think it’s pretty clear why we need boundaries:

  • For our own mental health

People who struggle with boundaries also often struggle with self-esteem. They believe they have to earn their way into someone’s heart by doing things for them, even at the cost of their own peace and time.

  • For our energy

When we are taking on too many tasks or carrying too many emotional burdens, we get exhausted. When we’re not rested, we aren’t helping anyone. We are often grumpy, not seeing situations clearly, and lacking in joy. Rest is so important, yet often put at the back-burner, and neglected when we take on too much.

  • For our relationships

Any good relationship of any kind deserves to be built on respect. But if one person acts like the workhorse of another, then there certainly isn’t respect happening. But it’s not just the person without boundaries who’s lacking respect. It’s also the person doing all the work. When we don’t make boundaries, we get annoyed at the people we are serving, and resent them more and more over time.

How Making Boundaries Changed My Life

I’ll be honest–I used to be terrible at making boundaries! Especially at church, because I thought it was wrong to say no to good opportunities. But the truth is, there will always be some opportunities that seem good, but just aren’t meant for us. Even now, I occasionally struggle, but I have grown a lot from my mistakes. Hopefully you won’t have to make the same ones as me, but if you have already, perhaps this will help you learn from your mistakes too.

Mistake #1: Repaying, and Repaying, and Repaying…

We all have that one person in our lives. You know the one. They act all friendly when they want something, eager to do anything for you. But then, once they do one favor for you, suddenly you’re indebted to them for life!

I’ve had this happen to me on multiple occasions, but most recently it occurred with a person at my church. She was a great help to me by offering to assist me in my college search and giving me wise advice. She even gave me some experiences I lacked in my college application process that required her time and energy. When I ended up choosing the college she recommended, I felt even more grateful to her.

However, we had a meeting shortly after this happened, where she asked me to help with three different ministries. I love all three of them– children’s ministry, youth ministry, and the host team. I wanted to help with all of them, and I had planned on helping with two. Yet, I was feeling swamped between my new job and demanding course load, which I had already told her about. But because she had done so much for me, the least I could do was agree to these commitments, right?

As I began to work more with her, my joy and affection for my church dwindled. I hardly ever got to listen to the sermon. I was frustrated working under her because I found out she wasn’t clear on giving directions or generous with appreciation. The other leaders I was working with were cold towards me. The students in one ministry seemed more interested in their phones than in even answering “how are you?”.

The worst part was that I blamed myself. The truth was, I could’ve said no. I could’ve told her I only had time to be involved in one or two of those ministries. Then perhaps I would’ve enjoyed my time at church more and would’ve connected more deeply to the people I was serving. I was also irritated that her sacrifice of one day to help me had to be repaid with an entire year’s worth of service.

It’s easy to get pressured into saying yes when we feel guilty for someone else helping us. But we always have to make decisions with the right intentions. Serving in ministry is a wonderful thing, but even that can be done for the wrong reasons. Same with other tasks that seem like good or kind things. You will enjoy life to the fullest when you start saying yes because Jesus tells you to rather than out of obligation.

Mistake #2: Trying to Be Someone’s Hero

Let’s be honest, the easiest way to boost our self-esteem is when we find someone who is immediately drawn to us and wants us to rescue them from their difficulties. We want to be their only source of assistance and advice. We want to be the one they rely on.

But the truth is, besides the fact that should never try taking the place of God, it’s also incredibly exhausting playing “hero”. When we don’t live up to our own expectations, we feel like failures. It discourages us from reaching out in the future. If the person suddenly doesn’t need us anymore, then we feel resentful towards them, feeling betrayed.

I have tried being someone’s “hero” before, but I actually learned this lesson best when someone else tried to be my hero.

A few years ago, I was in a difficult place. I didn’t have very many friends or people to confide in. I never stood up for myself. Then came along an older friend who was more than willing to listen, hang out with me, and introduce me to others. She would say how similar we were to each other, which now I wonder was her way of reassuring herself that her influence over me was working.

I believe she honestly thought she had good intentions. She cared about me and wanted me to feel connected. But not connected without her.

After growing a lot as a person, I began expressing my own views, taking on leadership positions, and making new friends. I wasn’t telling her my deepest fears or secrets anymore. I had new people to share things with or I was able to process things with God. I didn’t need her in the sense that I was dependent on her anymore. I obviously wanted to stay friends with her, and at the time, I hadn’t realized I was her “project”.

I found that out the hard way when we butted heads on a very personal issue, a decision I wanted to make that truly didn’t involve her. However, she had probed until I told her about it, and suddenly she wanted to take over. What shocked her the most was when I disagreed with her. I was no longer this “infant” who needed to be guided, babied, and nurtured. Instead, I was her equal, a person who had her own views and could handle herself.

The thing we argued about came and went. I’m sure I’ll even forget about it eventually. But the thing I’ll never forget is how hurt I was when I realized our friendship was built on her desire to be my savior rather than my companion.

If you really care about someone, don’t try to be their hero. Instead, point them to the only one who can really save them: Jesus.

Mistake #3: Pleasing the Wrong Person

I’ve mentioned people-pleasing many times, and that’s because I struggle with it a lot. I’ve talked myself into believing that nothing can compare to the burst of joy I feel when making someone happy, even when it’s at the cost of my own well-being or my faith.

I have so many instances of people-pleasing that we could be here all day. However, I’ll share of when I felt most convicted about it.

My mom and I were discussing a few responsibilities we had taken on and how we felt we couldn’t speak up on issues we felt passionately about for fear of angering the people we were working with. We’ve ruminated over this topic countless times, mostly because of how frustrated we feel.

Afterwards, I went to do my daily Bible reading, and I started the book of Galatians. Then right there, it was as though God was speaking right to me.

“If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”

Galatians 1:10

Whoa. To be honest, up until that point, I didn’t think the phrase “please people/people please” was even in the Bible! But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how right Paul was in this sentiment.

When we work towards pleasing people, whether by ignoring the way they talk about people we love, taking on too many of their unwanted tasks, or doing things for them that we wouldn’t normally do, we aren’t pleasing the one that we should care most about: Jesus. People pleasing can be an idol in our lives because we put people before Jesus. We can only have one master, will it be Jesus or the fear of displeasing others?

So Now What?

You might feel embarrassed or ashamed, but don’t be. It can take a long time before we realize we are valued enough by God to not seek validation from others. Sometimes it takes a lifetime to realize that. God understands our desire to make others feel loved, and sometimes that starts off by not having boundaries, and ends up being something healthier.

When discerning whether or not to say yes to something, ask God for His wisdom. He promises to give it out generously. Also ask yourself whether or not you need to trust Jesus if you say yes. If an experience will bring you closer to Him, then it is always worthwhile. But make sure you are still carving out time in your day to rest and spend time with God.

Here are a few books I’ve found helpful when it comes to making boundaries:

The Best Yes, by Lysa TerKeurst

Boundaries, by Henry Cloud

What Happens When Women Say Yes to God, by Lysa TerKeurst

The lot is cast into the lap,
But its every decision is from the Lord.

Proverbs 16:33

But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.

Joshua 24:15

No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. 

Matthew 6:24

Three Minutes

Do you ever doubt your purpose? This post is for anyone who’s ever struggled to understand why they’re here.

I’m sure we’ve all hit a point in our lives where we doubt our purpose. We go to God and ask, “Why am I here, God? I mean, why am I really here?”

As much as I talk about purpose, I’ve had my fair share of doubts about mine. When things don’t happen in the amount of time I expect, I get panicky. When “everyone else” seems to have it all together, I wonder if I’m too different to be useful.

Time is such a critical thing. Though we often spend hours on our phones scrolling through social media, we fear our lives ending before we’ve done anything noteworthy. There are so many people on Earth, how can we stand out? How can we be remembered? Or really, how can we avoid being forgotten?

Switching topics momentarily, has there ever been a song that’s changed your life? I don’t just mean a bop, but a song that truly changed the way you view life?

For me, it’s Rescue, by Lauren Daigle.

The first time I paid attention to the lyrics, I was at my lowest. I was doubting my worth, my purpose. I truly didn’t believe I belonged here.

Standing out in the rain, the darkening sky seemed to reflect my heart, my state of mind. I asked God if anyone truly saw me. Did anyone even care?

That’s when God’s voice, spoken through Lauren Daigle, whispered in my ears, “You are not hidden. There’s never been a moment you were forgotten”.

I’ve heard so many stories from K-Love of how a song inspired them or brought them closer to God. If you haven’t already found a song, perhaps a song will meet you in the future.

But just think–three minutes, that’s all it takes to change a life. Three minutes of repeated lyrics, a few background instruments, and a person hoping to change the world. Or maybe they don’t even have that desire. Perhaps it truly is just God doing His work through the unexpected.

I’m sure you’ve all heard of FOMO–the fear of missing out–and have experienced it at one time or another. I often suffer from it, though less than before. Yet God has shown me time and again how everything is in His perfect timing.

That same year of when Rescue touched my life, I experienced a major car accident. Leading up to the accident, I didn’t really value my life. I felt replaceable, a hopeless cause. Sure, my view of life was improving, but life took its ups and downs, particularly downs during that time.

But then it happened, when I least expected it. I didn’t see the car coming and I made the turn. Hit in the side, we spun around for several moments before I came-to. Had I been hit even seconds earlier, I might’ve died, or at least experienced worse side effects.

I experienced many mental side effects from the accident, which I’ve shared here before. But I only had two scars, one of which has gone away, and the other a permanent reminder of how God chose to save me.

I believe we are fulfilling our purposes up until our last breath. But God gets to decide when that last breath is taken. It’s taken years for me to come to terms with the truth that God really does have a purpose for me and for the pain that He allows us to go through. But just as a parent allows their kids to learn the hard way sometimes because they love them, God allows us to go through difficulties because He loves us too. In fact, those difficulties often end up reminding us of His love.

Life can change in a split second. That used to frighten me. But when we remember that God is the one in control of time, that time is no barrier for Him, we can have peace about whatever comes next.

Just think–God can work through a simple sentence on a post, a three minute song on the radio, a letter in the mail…He created the entire world in a week! So of course He can and will work through you.

Never give up. You are needed here. ❤

Many, O Lord my God, are the wonders which You have done,
And Your thoughts toward us;
There is none to compare with You.
If I would declare and speak of them,
They would be too numerous to count.

Psalm 40:5

Here is a song by Riley Clemmons which has encouraged me when life doesn’t go the way I expect. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did!

Link: https://youtu.be/0GCgg1PMnqg

Changing the Way We Speak to Ourselves

Are you tired of the cliche advice about improving your mental health? Here is the best advice I have when it comes to our conversations with ourselves.

On this Encouragement Thursday, I’ll be taking a break from my “Life Hacks” series to talk about something I find incredibly vital when seeking a fulfilling, joyful life.

There are so many theories on how to have the “best happiness” or really how to have the “best mental” health. A lot of times this advice comes in the form of annoying cliche expressions, such as:

“With every storm comes a rainbow.”

“Just stay positive!”

“You got this!”

“If you actually try your best, then success will follow.”

I could keep going, but you get the idea, and in fact, you could probably create a list like this yourself. Sometimes, when life is going amazingly spectacular, we agree with this advice. We might even give it out. But then, when the storm really hits, and all our mind can think to do is criticize, these words hurt. They sting. Then they carry with us to the next storm, and the next, until the storms feel never ending.

What’s truly the secret to having better mental health?

Well, the truth is there’s no clear cut way for each person. We’re all different. But to me, the best way of improving mental health is cultivating encouraging conversations in our minds. Changing the way we speak to ourselves and about ourselves, especially in certain conversations.

Talking about our trauma

By the time someone reaches the end of their life, they’re bound to have experienced at least one traumatic event. This often comes in the form of death, illness, or violent experiences. But sometimes trauma can be an ongoing pain or experience. Trauma takes many forms, it’s not something that can be boxed in. While an event might not be a big deal for one person, it might be truly traumatic for another. Yet our society doesn’t seem to understand that trauma comes in many forms. That has caused us to undermine our traumatic experiences.

Here are some key things to think about when discussing or thinking about the effects of your traumatic event(s):

  • Stop apologizing or feeling bad about your limitations

When I got into a serious car accident, I didn’t want to admit how much it had affected me and my mental health. I struggled with asking for help, and when I did, I felt guilty about it for years afterwards. It has taken me until now, two years later, to realize I am worthy of the help I received. I am also not any weaker for asking for help.

Do you often apologize when asking for help? That stems from lacking self-worth. Yet Jesus calls us His precious children, worth dying on the cross for. When we find our worth in Jesus, we will begin to realize we are worth it. Jesus is the source of our strength; therefore, we will never be “weak”.

  • Rephrase the way you view your shift in capabilities

For months after my car accident, I would hide my fear of driving by saying I was “bad at it”. That got ingrained in my head and only further heightened my anxiety. Instead of saying I was bad at it, I should’ve said “I’m not a confident driver”. That shows that I may not be there yet, but I can be someday.

When you think about yourself, don’t put your capabilities into a tiny box. You have so much potential. Instead of saying “I can’t do this”, say “I can’t do this yet“. Instead of saying “I don’t know how”, say “I don’t know how right now, but I hope I will someday”.

Leave room in your life for possibilities.

Is everybody watching?

Whether you’re shy, self-conscious, or have social anxiety, I’m sure you can relate to the feeling of everybody watching you when you enter the room. Perhaps we get this idea from the countless movies that depict the scene where the protagonist enters the school dance and all eyes turn to her. Or maybe the media has done it by providing new articles on scandals and intimate details of celebrities’ lives.

Well, I’m here to tell you something. No, everybody is not watching. And if someone happens to be, they will likely not remember what you’re wearing, whether you have a smudge of sauce on your face, or if you’re frowning. The only way you’ll make a grand entrance is if you’re carrying a giant stuffed money or an inflatable scarlet parrot 🙂 *spoken from others’ experience*

But think about it, do you remember what so-and-so was wearing, even if they were “popular”? Probably not. You just remember what you were wearing or maybe what your crush or best friend was. You might not even remember that!

Let’s face it: we’re in a self-obsessed world. While people can go on and on about how that hurts others, I think that hurts us the most. When we focus too much on ourselves, we lose track of the important things, like whether or not we reached out to the lonely person in the corner or if we said “thank you” to the tired hosts. We also begin that negative self-talk, like “everyone must think I’m an idiot for wearing bright orange” or “I don’t have any friends because no one’s talked to me in ten minutes”.

No. Trust me, all they’re thinking about is themselves and how bad they feel.

You know what would be memorable, though? (Besides the inflatable animals?) Being the one who makes someone’s day by complimenting their unique outfit or going across the room to talk to them. Be that person. Be the person who gets out of their head and into the heart of someone else.

What does God have to say about all this?

If you’re a long-time reader of The Will to Wake Up, you know that most of my posts come back to faith. And the truth is, you might be wondering what all this has to do with God. Does God care about what we say to ourselves?

In a word, YES.

You don’t think those +365 times He says “Don’t worry” in the Bible was intentional? Um…okay.

You don’t think “Set your mind on things above” refers to thinking about things that matter rather than things that are temporary? Sure…

You don’t think Jesus emphasizes how He’s the giver of peace because He knows we’ll struggle with retaining mental stability? Well…

The list could go on, and hopefully these few examples are sparking the other instances God reminds us of how important it is to take our thoughts captive. The bottom line is this: When we find our worth in Jesus and remember that He’s the only One who’s watching us, then we don’t have to worry about living up to others’ expectations. We don’t have to live in fear of being worthless anymore.

Your experiences, your pain, and your joy are all valid. People care about you. Jesus cares most of all. Today, instead of thinking bad things about yourself, tell Jesus your concerns and ask Him to give you peace.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

Romans 12:2

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.

Isaiah 26:3

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Philippians 4:8

Hope for the Lows in Life

Are you going through a hard time right now? Hopefully my story can encourage you.

To be honest, I’ve been really discouraged lately.

I know, shocking, coming from a person who runs an encouragement blog. But here’s the thing, so often we like to share our stories of how we struggled in the past and got through it, by God’s grace. But we never like to admit that we’re currently going through a rough time.

And let’s be real, ever since last March, we’ve all been through a series of difficulties. Especially for those of us who hate change. Or are learning to embrace it. (Emphasis on learning!)

There are a lot of Christian writers and singers I look up to. And they are amazing, God-filled people. I have benefitted from their words so much. But sometimes, it’s hard because I see them and I wonder why I’m still stuck on a rollercoaster in my faith journey while they seem to have figured it all out. (I’m sure they don’t have it all figured out, but sometimes it feels like they do!)

I’m definitely not as well-known or experienced as the people I admire, but I want to still be open with you about the things I go through. I want you to remember that you are not alone in your struggles. I’m still figuring things out too. One of the major things that’s been burdening me is actually my writing.

I’ve always wanted to be a writer. When I was a kid, I filled up little books with all my stories and decorated them with stickers. As I’ve gotten older, writing has become cathartic for me. When I write, all my problems seem to have meaning, like they happened so that I can share my story. It’s the fuel to my (story’s) fire. When I write, I finally feel like I have a purpose.

So you can imagine the heartbreak of reading one negative review after another by my writing professor. I know I can be too thin-skinned, but it still hurts. Based on her comments, I’d be a better editor than an actual writer.

I suppose you could say I feel stuck. I feel like the things that used to define me are disintegrating around me. And maybe that’s to remind me to allow God to define me instead of activities or talents. I’m in a time of my life where change is on the horizon and I know I must let go of certain things in this season. Some relationships, some dreams.

But the thing is, I know that God gave me a passion for writing. As I debated being an English major, a Theology major, or a Psychology major, I searched my Bible for answers. And I know I heard God’s voice tell me to pursue English.

But some days, it just seems easier to give up.

I keep reminding myself of a visual I saw during a Bible study, where the author said that our journey with God isn’t going to be one straight vertical line, or even a staircase. It’s going to be full of ups and downs and that’s perfectly normal.

But during these times that feel neverending, full of discouragement, extremely low…it’s hard to remember that there’s another turnaround up ahead that’s going to be better.

One time, when I was feeling similarly, I kept seeing verses or hearing messages from people with the three word phrase “Don’t give up”. I even saw a book at the store titled that and I immediately bought it, knowing it was a sign from God. God places verses, people, and sometimes even social media posts in our path so that we can keep moving forward when the enemy tries holding us back. He doesn’t want us to fulfill our purposes, and that’s why he does everything he can to make us feel discouraged.

That’s why my main goal in life is to encourage people through the words God gives me. We have to stand together to fight against the enemy. We can’t do this alone.

I’m sure you have many things to do today, so I won’t keep you much longer. I’ll just leave you with one final story.

At that same Bible study, where I previously mentioned the imagery of our journey with God, I was struggling as the leader. I had the “great idea” of bringing together four people who had nothing in common to try to grow together in God’s word. At first, I felt like I was failing. The enemy whispered in my ear, “Just give up. Everyone knows you tried, but you just couldn’t do it.”

But I kept going, in part thanks to the people in my group who encouraged me by continuing to show up, and thanks to mentors speaking God’s truth to me.

And you know what? Over a year later, with many necessary changes, my Bible study has flourished into a close-knit group where we’ve been able to share vulnerably, learn from each other, and grow closer to God. Starting that Bible study was one of the toughest tests of my perseverance so far. No one would’ve blamed me if I had given up. (Well, except for me!) But I didn’t. I didn’t give up.

And I won’t give up now.

I know I’m not the only one feeling discouraged today. You might be too, or a loved one is. But you know what? We are only letting the enemy win every time we believe one of his lies about us. When we are walking in line with God’s will, nothing can stop us. Don’t lose hope. Don’t give up. ❤

But as for you, be strong and do not give up, for your work will be rewarded.

2 Chronicles 15:7

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.

Genesis 50:20

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

Hebrews 11:6

For no word from God will ever fail.

Luke 1:37

 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

You Are Here for a Reason

In case no one’s told you today, you are here for a reason.

You’re here for a reason.

No matter what anybody’s told you, no matter what you’ve been through, no matter how the past may hold you.

You’re here for a reason.

Despite all the failures, despite the dreams that have passed you by, despite the way you sometimes want to hide.

You’re here for a reason.

You were born at that specific time on that specific day in that specific location for a reason.

You were made with these amazing dreams, with these incredible talents, with those super deep feelings for a reason.

You look the way you do, you act the way you do, and you are who you are for a reason.

You are you because we need you. If you become like everyone else, then who will take your place? No one. Because you are irreplaceable.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

Psalm 139:14

Enduring Pain

If you feel stuck, trying to figure out if there is any good that can come from your pain, keep reading.

A random skill that most people wouldn’t know I have is being a pretty good back massager. You heard me right…and you’re probably wondering why you’re still reading!

Well, I’ll get to the point…soon. You know how we Nines love our stories 😉

My mom used to tell people that she had a daughter simply to get free back massages, and a small part of me occasionally wonders if that’s true considering the frequency at which she requests them. As humans age, as you may know from experience, they often experience muscle stiffness. Tonight I was helping my mom get a knot out of her back, and after the allotted time I had agreed to perform this service was up, I asked if she wanted me to continue. She laughed and replied, “I would like that, but I don’t think I can endure the pain.”

This part may not surprise you, if you know me at all. After she said that, I suddenly knew I had to blog. Not about muscles, weird skills, or getting old. But rather, about pain.

About a year ago, one of my first posts was about pain and how many people often use numbing mechanisms to avoid it. Little did I know that throughout this past year, I’ve struggled with dealing with my pain and negative emotions. I often choose to not feel things, but then that includes the positive, happy memories as well.

I think avoiding pain can be one of our biggest mistakes in life. The longer we avoid the pain, the longer we avoid the good that can come out of that pain. God does not take us through difficult seasons without a reason. He knows that there’s something better at the end, but we just have to persevere. And sometimes that means trying something again that may have previously hurt us.

Now, I’m not telling you to go and let people walk all over you. I don’t want you to get into a dangerous situation or go backwards on a process towards good health. But if God is calling you to try something again, whether it’s a relationship, a career, a hobby, or perhaps even just diving back in your Bible, then you should go for it.

We love making excuses as to why we can’t possibly embrace our pain. We tell ourselves that we can’t endure it. And we’re right, we can’t.

At least, we can’t alone.

But God is always with us and He will give us the strength to get through anything.

I’ve seen so many people go through things I could never imagine going through with such bravery. They continue to live for God, they continue to go about their daily lives, and they will still be heroes, such strong people, in my eyes when they admit their pain and sorrow.

Don’t allow fear of people’s reactions to affect how you grieve, whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a relationship, or a forgotten dream. The ones who are meant to be in your life and really care about you will give you the space to feel what you need to feel.

I know it’s hard trying again. I know it’s hard doing what God calls us to do. I’m not going to sit here and expect you to suddenly change your life or do things that risk heartbreak alone. I’m going to try to get out of my comfort zone and figure out my emotions as well, in a healthy way.

I know that we can both get through whatever life throws at us because we are empowered by our Creator. God loves us and designed us to need Him, and when we turn to Him, we will overflow with His grace, courage, and perseverance.

I’ll be praying for you. Don’t give up. ❤

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.

James 1:2

Days Like Today

Today has been hard.

Recently I started a Bible study about spiritual warfare. The enemy knows our weaknesses so well. But when we are attacked more, we are tricked into believing that we are not being effective. That our presence does not matter. That we are weak.

The opposite is true. When we are attacked, the enemy sees us as a threat. We are doing good work.

But when we believe the lies, we are silenced.

One weakness of mine is the fear of driving. I had a bit of anxiety this morning because I needed to drive myself farther than I have in a while. I get after myself for being upset because it’s been a year since my car accident, and I don’t like fear holding me back.

I have incredibly vivid dreams, and sometimes they come true. This is more of a curse than a blessing a lot of the time, because I’ve had a lot of sleeping issues due to these incredibly realistic nightmares. Last night, to add to the anxiety already building, I had a terrible nightmare about getting into a car accident again.

I had these reoccurring nightmares for months, but they hadn’t resurfaced again until recently. I hate feeling weak. I hate feeling out of control. I hate feeling useless and set back.

I had the opportunity to go to an amazing event today. My church, along with several others, held a March for Surrender in honor of Juneteenth and to support our beloved Black brothers and sisters.

God surely wanted to use this event to draw people closer to Him. God wanted everyone there. God wanted me there.

But the enemy pulled out two weaknesses this time.

I’ve had some difficulties in my family lately, and that’s been weighing heavily on my heart. Today all those feelings seemed to explode while I was at the event.

In addition, I struggle with comparison and allowing others to define my worth. The entire point of the event was to support one another and affirm our value and differences. But I felt a lot of strong emotions that greatly hurt me in the past, like loneliness and worthlessness, and suddenly I was overwhelmed.

The speakers proclaimed the truth about how we need to take action. We cannot sit idly by and ignore the injustices in our world. We need to look beyond ourselves and stand up for those who have been forced down.

But the enemy was trying to get me to only focus on myself and my insecurities.

You may have had a day like today recently. You may feel misunderstood.

I have been told so many times by the enemy that I have no future. That I have no purpose. That I am meaningless. That my presence does not matter.

You may be feeling those things right now.

But I’m here to tell you that God has a wonderful future in store for you. God has an incredible purpose that only you can fulfill. You have meaning. You matter. You are needed.

Days like today come and go. Sometimes we just suffer through them silently. Other times we come to God or to other people.

 I could’ve let today be wasted. But I’m not going to let the enemy win. I’m going to use today to draw closer to God. I’m going to use today to empathize with others who are struggling to remember their value. I’m going to use today to empower myself and others to fight for justice. I’m not going to let today be focused on me. I’m not going to let today belittle the very real problems that others are facing that I need to be focused on helping resolve. I’m not going to waste today.

I know I’m not the most popular blogger, writer, photographer, person. Most people don’t even know my name. Hardly anyone knows my story. But if even one life is touched because of what I’ve put out there, then I will be fulfilled.

I pray for everyone who reads my words. Now I’m asking you to also pray for me. Prayer is the most powerful weapon. Pray against all the enemy is trying to do to attack God’s people. More than anything, we need to unify and defend our brothers and sisters in Christ.

We are strong.