love – Page 16 – The Will to Wake Up

Exchanging Disappointment for Joy

Does disappointment cause you to doubt God’s purpose for your life?

This weekend, I was supposed to go on a retreat about finding God’s presence.

I was so ready for the retreat, too. Mostly just wanting an escape from the humdrum of normal life, burned out by my responsibilities, and eager for a change in scenery. Every day that I was tired or weary, I reminded myself that I’d have a break soon enough.

So then, when it got cancelled, I was puzzled by what God was doing. Surprisingly, I was less disappointed than I had anticipated, which may have been God’s clue that He still had plans for me this weekend.

The things I had longed for were inspiration, rest, appreciation for God’s creation, and connection with others.

And instead of bringing me to a conference center, God gave me inspiration through a movie night with family. He gave me rest by allowing me to have generous bosses who still let me have the weekend off. He gave me appreciation for His creation through the gorgeous sunset I experienced while driving home last night.

And most of all, God showed me how interwoven His presence is within our relationships with others.

I thought I had to take a break from people in order to experience God, but instead I spent all day yesterday going from one person to the next.

But the difference between that and my everyday encounters was that I went into those interactions with a willing heart. And that changed everything.

There is truly a season for everything. A season to reflect with God alone, and a season to extend the love God has given us to others. And maybe those two things can come together to create something even more beautiful.

Going broader than simply this weekend, I’ve been in a season where many of my expectations have been dashed. I’ve wondered where my dreams and desires fit into God’s greater plan for me. But this weekend, I’ve discovered something new.

It isn’t always about God’s plan or my plan or any sort of plan. It’s about taking things one step at a time and experiencing God’s presence through it all.

It’s about waiting for God with an open heart. It’s about connecting with others from a place of love and appreciation, as well as setting boundaries when we know we are agreeing to things out of obligation. It’s about opening the Bible without expecting a new game plan, and rather soaking in time with God.

Today, I hope you can exchange your disappointment for joy.

Things may not look the way you had hoped, but this is an opportunity for you to trust God more than ever. He will be with you through it all. ❤

I am going to send you what my Father has promised; but stay in the city until you have been clothed with power from on high.
Luke 24:49

When It Feels Like God Can’t Hear You

Encouragement for when your prayers feel useless.

Silence.

You prayed and you begged and you wept until your eyes were puffy and your throat was sore.

Or maybe it was all in your head. Pounding words, pleading for a break, for a second chance, for a sign. Praying until your head ached, overloaded and overwhelmed.

Perhaps it was a simple prayer. Off-handed, just to see if God’s up there, somewhere.

No answer.

Things didn’t work out, you didn’t get a sign, and your life sucks just as much as it did yesterday.

Maybe…God didn’t hear you.

Or maybe God just doesn’t care.

That’s what the enemy likes to tell us, anyway. That God is incapable of something like listen or respond. But God hears every single prayer.

Maybe that makes it worse. Maybe knowing that God hears every prayer and things still aren’t working out causes your heart to grow heavy. Why would a God who cares allow your life to be ruined?

I have a new question for you: What if your life isn’t ruined?

As humans, we love filling in gaps, guessing what happens next. We plan our lives out to the end, expecting–or at least hoping–for things to go our way. And with God on our side, what could go wrong?

So many times in my life, I’ve felt God leading me towards a new path to take, and I expected God’s blessing to come in the form of everything working out the way I anticipated.

And then things didn’t work out. Relationships fell apart, mistakes were made, and hearts were broken.

Where was God in all of that?

Right there. Right next to me, just like God’s right next to you.

It is through these moments that I’m reminded of a hard truth.

Sometimes, God leads us into situations that are difficult. Just because a situation is difficult, doesn’t mean that God didn’t direct us there.

But we can find peace knowing that God won’t take us through those seasons without a purpose. To help us grow, to spread His light, and ultimately to bring us closer to Him.

So what is the point of praying if God has His own way of working everything out?

Prayer is more than asking God for things or trying to make a situation turn out a certain way. Prayer is a way of showing God that we trust Him through everything, no matter the outcome.

Prayer is our way of connecting to God.

Just let that sink in a moment. We have the opportunity to talk to the Divine, and we often allow momentary disappointment take away from the surreality of the truth.

God wants to talk to us. Yes, God also listens, and He hears every prayer. But going into prayer time with the mindset that God has something to say to you will change everything.

The next time you feel like God isn’t listening to you, ask God to show you what He wants you to get out of the circumstance you’re in.

Maybe He wants to grant you His overwhelming peace and comfort. Maybe He’s showing you how strong you are when you trust Him. Or maybe you are going through this in order to get to an even greater result.

Never underestimate the power of God.

But I have raised you up for this very purpose, that I might show you my power and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth.
Exodus 9:16

Promises to Remember

For the hard days ❤

Today’s just been one of those days. The kind that wraps you up in its stickiness until you feel like you’re suffocating, barely able to remember days when you felt free. When you felt fully alive.

On days like today, it’s important to remember that this will not last forever.

You may feel stuck, as if nothing could get better. But you aren’t stuck. You are growing, right where you are. And that’s a beautiful thing.

Think back to the last time you felt this way. Perhaps not yesterday, but maybe a year ago, or even five years ago.

You may not have thought you could make it to today, but you did. And I’m so glad you did.

When it feels like nothing is going right, hold onto the promises of God.

He will never leave you, nor forsake you (Deuteronomy 31:6).

Even if everyone else walks away, you will never be alone.

You as precious and perfect in His sight (1 Corinthians 1:8).

A bad test score, a discouraging word, or even a painful mistake can’t separate you from God’s love.

He will use you to do amazing things for the greater good (Romans 8:28).

Your life matters. You were created for a reason. Even if the small things you do each day don’t feel significant, they truly mean the world to someone else. Most of all, God sees you and honors the way you choose to listen to Him.

So today may have been just a rotten, nasty, terrible day. Or maybe it was a day when you fully embraced God’s promises and felt lifted up.

Either way, there will always be tomorrow. Another chance for God’s grace. Another opportunity to make someone smile. Another day that God loves you and wants you to really believe it.

You belong here. Never forget that. ❤

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yetno one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.
Ecclesiastes 3:11

Don’t Be a Mean Enemy

Why should we listen to Jesus’ commandment to love our enemies?

It’s easy to be nice to people who are nice to us.

But every enemy was once a friend, or at least in a proximity close enough to you to have hurt on either side from the falling out.

I’m sure you’ve seen this most often when a couple breaks up and starts posting nasty things about each other online. Soon, you begin to wonder what they even saw in each other in the first place! Or when two close friends or family members break ties, then it’s as though you can’t speak of them again.

So what happens when it isn’t so easy to be nice anymore?

Our culture would tell us to get them back or, at the very least, snub them. They need to PAY for what they did!

But I’d like to offer a new piece of advice, or really a not-so-new piece of advice that Jesus first gave that goes against our human nature.

Let’s love our enemies and pray for those who hurt us (Matthew 5:43-44).

But why? Why should we listen to such a hard commandment?

Here are a few reasons that help me when I struggle (which is often) with being kind to difficult (and even hurtful) people in my life.

We don’t know what’s going on for real.

When we are angry at someone, it’s easy to assume the worst. But the truth is, a lot of times falling outs or unkind words aren’t really about us. They are about something else that is fogging up the other person’s vision that could be hurting them or making them lash out. This isn’t an excuse for mean behavior, but it does remind us to extend them grace.

We may have a part to play in the situation.

Now, this certainly isn’t to victim blame. There are many times when we are hurt by someone who is trying to execute power over us and it isn’t our fault when we are wounded by them.

This advice is for when you don’t want to take responsibility for a difficult relationship even though you may not have been the easiest person either. We enjoy blaming others when we know deep down that there’s something in us that needs fixing too.

But the best path to healing is forgiveness. Having enough grace and humility to admit our mistakes and not let them define us, and also extending that mercy to others.

We have been forgiven for far more than we could ever forgive someone else.

It’s important to remember who is telling us to love our enemies: Jesus. Every time we sin, we hurt Jesus, acting like an enemy to Him.

But Jesus loves us anyway and paid the ultimate price to be in relationship with us. He knows what it’s like to forgive something so painful, a true betrayal, and still love anyway.

Whenever we get the chance to forgive someone, it’s an opportunity to grow closer to Jesus and feel grateful for His sacrifice.

We look rather ridiculous holding a grudge.

Sorry to be direct, but it’s true, isn’t it? We all roll our eyes when someone goes on and on about their issues with someone, and yet we are just as inclined to act the same way. I know I have, and likely will again in the future.

But there’s always time for a fresh start. Even just the effort of being more considerate with your words and actions towards someone you don’t like will make it harder to be unkind to them in the future. Allow yourself to process the pain and anger without acting in impulse.

Then you’ll never have a regret, and you just might find yourself with a friend again 🙂

But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
Luke 6:27-28

Humble Beginnings

Sometimes it takes getting small before we feel God’s presence.

In a self-focused society, we often forget what it means to be humble. And honestly, it’s quite difficult to be humble when we feel like we’re our only advocate and we must promote ourselves at every given opportunity.

But today I was given the opportunity to remember how important it is to stay small, to remember how fragile things truly are.

This reminder came to me at the horse riding barn where I help out. Before each ride, we let the horses run around the arena to get their playfulness and disobedience out before a rider gets on. Then, to see if they’ve calmed down, we call them in and see if they will come to us and follow us to the gate.

Twice today, I had to get small, bending close the floor, before the horses would respond to me. They don’t know if they can trust you until you prove you have their best interest in mind. That you won’t hurt them, it’s okay.

Only when I got small would the horse come to me.

This can be reflective in our relationship with God, too.

When we are feeling like the best person in the world, we forget that we need God. We have to get small in order to really feel God’s presence.

And when we are honest about our fragility, how nothing is really in our control, then we have the chance to truly trust God.

We can pretend all we want that things will go the way we imagine. We can act like we have complete control over everything.

But we don’t.

And the sooner we admit that, the sooner we can have peace about the future.

Being humble doesn’t mean denying your talents, it means using them for God’s purposes rather than your own. It means that you won’t take every opportunity you can to remind others of what you know. And most of all, it means recognizing your need for God.

Today, dare to get small. Dare to accept that God does have an amazing plan for you, but you need to trust Him first. You can’t do this on your own, and that’s okay.

You have an advocate, the greatest one of all: God. And that’s a real game-changer.

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up.
James 4:10

An Endless Journey Towards Healing

In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, I will be sharing my personal story to encourage you on your journey ❤

It was like a flip of the switch. Suddenly, the easygoing, joyful young girl I used to recognize was gone. In her place came an overbearing, extremely sensitive, critical little monster.

And that monster was me.

Though a series of difficult events were unfolding in my life, I can’t pinpoint any of them as the root cause of this change. It just…happened.

For a long time, I saw myself as this monster. This person who couldn’t be pleased, who drowned in her own misery when alone. This person who thought nobody wanted to be her friend, when really there were people around who just didn’t notice. And there were some who did notice, but she couldn’t seem to see them at the time.

I look at the past like another lifetime. Another person acting out my life.

And it’s true that much has changed, both in the way I see the world now, and the world itself. But we can’t completely separate ourselves from previous parts of our journey. Pretending like those things don’t bother us anymore is just a disservice to everybody.

Last summer, many of the challenges I faced at the start of my mental health journey resurfaced. But instead of working through them, I pushed them down.

“I’m not the weak, pathetic person I used to be,” I told myself. “I’m over all that.”

But acting like that person was weak and pathetic only caused me further harm. It made me think that I had to be those negative attributes if I was struggling mentally.

I wasn’t weak; I was worn-out and tired. I wasn’t pathetic; I was hungry for the satisfaction and healing that only God can bring.

That was me then, at age 15. That was me last summer. And that is still me today.

When you don’t deal with something, it comes back to face you sooner or later. Sure enough, after being in an unhealthy environment in the fall, I had to remove myself from that community in order to find the deeper healing I needed.

But I can’t say that’s the end of my story.

Sometimes it feels endless, searching for healing. As one thing is resolved, another comes up. But what if we look at each day as a new chance for more than just stress and anxiety?

Every day is a new chance for healing. For grace. For peace.

That also means that every day can be a challenge of trying to accept those gifts from God. It means not feeling worthy of them. It means fighting with my thoughts while trying to focus on the things that actually matter to me.

And it means making healing matter to me.

Mental health can’t be something we push off to tomorrow. You know this. Your mind won’t let you forget it.

Let today be the day that you start to take care of yourself, no matter what others think.

Not everyone will understand. That’s something I had to learn as I’ve begun to take steps towards taking care of myself this year.

But that’s okay. Not everyone needs to understand.

God understands. He designed you, after all, and He will use your story for great things.

It may be hard to see now, but you are growing. You are beautiful, with all your broken pieces. You don’t need to fix yourself. You just need to let the ultimate Healer restore you. ❤

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and I encourage you to share your story with others. It doesn’t have to be on a big platform or even in public. You can share it with a friend or another loved one. Someone who wants the best for you.

Our stories matter. Sure, they don’t reflect every person’s story. No single story can, and we don’t need to burden ourselves with that great of a task.

Just sharing your story is enough to inspire and empower people. To help them know that they are not alone.

You are not alone. ❤

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.
Mark 12:30-31

Don’t Be Upset When God Gives You What You Asked For

What if I told you that God answers all your prayers, just not in the way you expect?

I’ve heard so many stories of Christians leaving their faith because God “didn’t come through for them”. God didn’t give them the person, the opportunity, or the emotion they were hoping for. God was too late.

And why have Christians been set up to believe that God will give them what they want? Because the Bible says so!

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.
Matthew 7:7

Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.
John 14:13-14

The list could go on and on. Yet we don’t always get what we ask for, do we?

Often, we try to use logic to explain away the disappointment. God can’t possibly give everyone what they want, right? What about prayers that contradict each other or those that come from evil intentions?

While those remarks are reasonable, they also place a limit on God’s power. God could make it all work, if that was how things should be.

I believe that God does give us what we ask for. But there are two qualifications that we often forget about when things don’t work out the way we planned.

The first comes from other verses regarding God’s answers to our prayers.

If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.
John 15:7

Often, we forget about our end of the bargain. We need to want what God wants in order for our requests to be granted. When we align our will with God’s, we will never be disappointed.

God will give us a starting point towards the end goal, but we need to actively participate in this relationship too. It’s like a scholarship for college. An organization believes in you and will fund your way, but you need to do the actual work of obtaining the degree.

God gives you the means, but you have the free will to decide if you will use those gifts to become the person you were created to be, the best version of yourself, or let those blessings slip away.

The second thing to think about is that God does answer every prayer, but He never promises to answer them in the way we thought He would.

Imagine that you are asking to grow in patience. Don’t be surprised if that means you will find yourself surrounded by people who push your buttons. Of course, you didn’t ask God to give you annoying people, but you will certainly grow in patience after the experience.

Or consider the noble prayer of asking for greater trust in God. You will likely be pushed out of your comfort zone with the only option to either trust God or bail off the ship. That may not be pleasant, but you certainly won’t be the same afterwards.

Even prayers like asking God for a loving marriage partner or a career that makes a difference can result in seasons of waiting or humbling jobs that will prepare you for the person or opportunity you desire.

God will give you what you need, but He wants you to be equipped first.

I believe that God answers every prayer because I have often made requests such as those listed above, and found myself in troubling, trying situations. Through the thick of it, I get upset, wondering if God ever answered my prayers.

But when I look back, I am amazed by how those were the seasons I learned the most and came out of the strongest. I often got what I asked for, whether that was comfort from God, a new experience, or growth. But it didn’t come in the form that I had envisioned, which is why I couldn’t appreciate what was happening in the moment.

Fortunately, we have a very patient and understanding God, who is willing to wait for us to figure things out before we are grateful.

This doesn’t mean you should stop asking God for things, especially virtues or traits that would make you more like Christ, even though the way to get those things may be difficult. Instead, I hope these words can encourage you during the journey.

God has not forgotten you. He has heard you and He will transform you into the person you were created to be.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
Philippians 4:6-8

To The Indifferent American Teen

An open letter to GenZers.

Dear Indifferent American Teen,

Struggling to get up. Lacking motivation. Scrolling for hours. Feeling like a failure. Looking to your elders. Regretting your short life. You fight a battle too. I feel you.

You Indifferent American Teen.

You say “I don’t care”. Your shrug and your smirk confirm it.

But your “I don’t cares” are your cries for help. Your cries tell me that you do care.

You care until your insides ache and you can barely swallow your pride. You care until your face blemishes and your eyes are forced to turn aside. You care and you care and you care until all you care about is yourself. And that kills you the most.

Indifference is the mask you have been taught to wear. Only this type of mask doesn’t protect you. It pulls you back. It holds you captive. You are stuck in a web of lies.

I think you care. People say you don’t, but I know you. I am you. I feel you.

I think you care the most.

Every time your heart breaks, you must evaluate how someone will react. Will you lose a friend? Will you be cancelled? Will life ever be the same?

Every time a new issue pops up, it feels too far away to be real. Yet you don’t want to be left behind. But grasping in the dark for something steady to support you is an endless battle that will tear you apart until you become as empty as your spirit after a tough night.

You are in a sea of emotions. You are drowning and the only thing you can use as a lifesaver is indifference.

Indifference makes you sarcastic and pathetic. Indifference makes you hard and distant. Indifference makes you laugh when you know it stings the soul of a fellow human being who stares at you until the laughter dissolves into a tidal wave of tears.

Indifference is the deepest feeling of all.

You have been hurt. Your wounds are deep. But you can’t blame a war or a movement or a lack of knowledge. Instead, you blame yourself.

But you don’t want to be weak. You are supposed to be strong. Strong and independent. Proving your worth. That’s who you are. You can’t change. That’s what they say, anyway.

Even though you’re young with a full life ahead of you. Even though you’re bright and you aren’t your parents. Even though you’re special and precious and loved. Even though all these things…who are you?

I’m sitting beside you. I won’t tell you to cry or to feel or to trust me. Trust, that’s something in short supply. What I’ll tell you is this: You aren’t alone. Staring out at the starry night sky, there is someone–thousands of someones–who are just like you. And they don’t know who that person is either.

I don’t know you. Maybe you don’t want me to. Maybe the only thing keeping you going is keeping your identity a mystery. All yours, no one else’s.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but someone does know you. Someone cares about you. That Someone wants you. Needs you. Trusts you. Values you.

That Someone will love you the way your heart longs to be loved as your eyes linger a little too long on the one that broke your heart. It wasn’t their love that you needed. It was Someone’s.

I’ll venture to say, it was God’s.

So when you feel indifferent, tell Someone that. Tell Him and wait. You might just get a feeling.

I know I did.

Sincerely,

Your Fellow American Teen, who isn’t so indifferent anymore

Stepping Into Another Year of Life

A little note on birthdays 🙂

I realized yesterday that I’ve never posted on my birthday, always the day after. But this year is the time for something different.

I love this quote on birthdays by Morgan Harper Nichols:

Take heart.
The value of your life
is not measured in calendar years.

When I was a kid, I used to enjoy the presents and the time with friends for my birthday, but I would also dread getting older. Why be ten when I loved being nine?

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve felt the pressure to speed up the aging process in order to be respected. It’s a compliment to be seen as more mature than you really are.

And I suppose once I hit my 30’s or 40’s, I’ll want to be young again. So the cycle continues.

I think this with a chuckle: We are never really satisfied, are we?

As C.S. Lewis once put it, we are created with an eternal purpose and an eternal soul within us, which means only eternal things can satisfy us.

This year has been a reminder to put everything in God’s hands. Our plans, our dreams, even what we think we need, can change with the flip of a switch. Everything can be gone in an instant, even what we once thought was love.

Except God’s love, of course. That lasts forever.

It’s been painful to realize that things not going smoothly isn’t a sign that I’m not abiding by God’s will. It may very well be that God steered me down an uncomfortable path for a reason. It means that things will hurt and parts of my life will get pruned. But it’s all necessary for beautiful growth.

So today, at the end of a very long year that simultaneously went by in a snap, I will just say one thing:

Cherish what you have while you have it. The loved ones, the opportunities, the peace. But never hold onto anything too tightly, except for God. We float through life like a feather in the wind. But we are headed in the direction–the best direction possible–that God has in mind for us.

So don’t waste away the present by worrying about the future. Instead, hold onto hope as you move forward with a smile, knowing that maybe tomorrow will be a little bit better. ❤

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
2 Corinthians 5:17

You Are Essential

You are needed here, no matter what you have done.

Let’s be honest. We’re all sick of that word, but it’s still there, used to distinguish between the people who “help” and who don’t.

But what if I told you that you are essential, just by being here?

Maybe you haven’t solved the most recent medical crisis or participated in a noteworthy act of kindness.

Maybe you forget to hold the door open or don’t smile at a kid waving at you. Maybe you don’t go the extra mile for others.

Maybe you’ve done things so terrible that your heart aches just thinking about them.

But what if I told you that even with all those things, you are still needed here?

It’s not a question. It’s really a statement.

You. Are. Needed. Here.

Why? Well, glad you asked.

Maybe you’ve messed up. Big time. But that doesn’t mean those choices have to dictate the rest of your life.

Today could be the day you step out and say:

I am worth it.

I do make an impact.

I can use the love I’ve felt to motive me to love others.

And maybe all those things feel like catchphrases that slip in one ear and out the other. Fake. Not in your heart. Mindless.

But what if simple, yet profound phrases actually sink deeper into your heart? What if you allow yourself to believe that those things are really true?

Today you can make a difference. You can reach out and see how that quiet friend is doing. You can bury your pride and check in on a relative. You can welcome rest and grace into all your relationships, including with yourself.

How can we live with such assurance of our purpose? Because we know that God made us for a reason. While things don’t always make sense, God has a greater plan, and will use our gifts for His glory. The little things you do each day will add up, and looking back, you’ll realize how many people you’ve helped.

But the best part is, the more you accept God’s love for you, the more that love will extend to others. That’s the most beautiful thing of all. ❤

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.
1 John 4:7-8