Tag: Letting go

When Love Means Letting Go

Relationships can be beautiful, but temporary, like sunsets.

Where I live, it’s beginning to feel like fall. Leaves burn red and orange, the familiar pitter-patter of raindrops splat against my windshield, and there’s a sense of change in the air. Fall is a time for new beginnings, fresh starts, and letting go.

I saw a quote today encouraging us to view relationships like sunsets. Enjoy their beauty while they are here, but accept that they don’t always last forever.

During a recent trip, I was determined to see the sunset every night. On the first night, we happened to be at the beach just in time for sunset. The experience was peaceful, relaxing, and glorious.

The next day, I frantically ran through the streets in search of an entrance to the coastline, desperate for the sunset. We caught the fading remains just as the sun sank behind the puffy purple clouds.

On the third day, with the bold declaration that we wouldn’t be late this time, I set up camp a half hour early, waiting and waiting for the sun to set. This resulted in a headache from being under the direct sun, fire ant bites, and momentarily losing my travel companion. While the sunset was beautiful, it wasn’t quite so relaxing.

Finally, on our last day, I told myself that if I was meant to see the sunset, I would see it. The timing worked out perfectly. Right after dinner, we happened to be next to a beach access just as the sky turned tangerine and pale pink. We were able to bask in the beauty of the sunset without any strains or burdens.

Relationships truly can be like sunsets. When they evolve naturally, they are beautiful and comfortable. Even when they are challenging, they provide growth and insight. But when we force relationships to outlive their lifespan or stay just as they are because we aren’t ready to change, we begin to feel exhausted, frustrated, and lonely.

I’m someone who has trouble letting go of people. When I become friends with someone, I like to go deep and create a meaningful bond. However, letting go can be an act of love. It doesn’t mean you have to stop caring or praying for a person. But it may mean taking a step back, reevaluating the relationship, or saying goodbye altogether.

Even Jesus set boundaries with His disciples. He became close to them through His earthly ministry, and when He knew they were ready to share the gospel, He sent them off as He went up to Heaven. Perhaps they wouldn’t have grown in courage and boldness if Jesus had stayed. When they missed Jesus, He told them that the Holy Spirit would be their helper, someone with them at all times, living inside of them. That gift is even greater than having Jesus physically here with us.

Letting go of loved ones (or perhaps people who are in your life who you’re struggling to like) can be opening a door to a better future. It’s not that you are harming them — in fact, you are participating in their growth and freedom. But perhaps the dependency you have on each other keeps you from fully living into your calling or your dependency on Jesus.

I pray that if you are feeling led to let go of someone in your life, you are able to do it in love and leave the situation with peace. Trust that even if one relationship is ending, there are so many more people out there for you to meet and bless. You are not alone. ❤

But now I am going to him who sent me. None of you asks me, ‘Where are you going?’ 6 Rather, you are filled with grief because I have said these things. 7 But very truly I tell you, it is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you. 8 When he comes, he will prove the world to be in the wrong about sin and righteousness and judgment: 9 about sin, because people do not believe in me; 10 about righteousness, because I am going to the Father, where you can see me no longer; 11 and about judgment, because the prince of this world now stands condemned.

12 “I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear. 13 But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. 14 He will glorify me because it is from me that he will receive what he will make known to you. 15 All that belongs to the Father is mine. That is why I said the Spirit will receive from me what he will make known to you.”

John 16: 5-15 (NIV)

To the Person Who Needs to Let Go

The first of many letters to my faithful readers ❤

I’m starting a new series sharing journal entires I’ve written (either to myself, God, or others) that I believe will encourage you. Each post will be dedicated to the person who I best believe will benefit from these simple words. Hopefully that person is you today. ❤

Today’s journal entry comes from last August.

Dear You Who May Relate,

Recently I’ve been sad for many reasons, but a big one is the fear of letting go. I’m scared of letting go of people. I’m scared I won’t make new friends. I’m scared of leaving my job and I’m worried I won’t find a job as meaningful. I’m scared all my relationships will change.

But today, something I’ve been trying to repeat to myself finally clicked.

If I hold too tightly to the past, I’ll miss what’s coming. If I allow the past to dictate the present and future, then things won’t get better. But if I have hope for each brand new day, then I can finally experience true joy and rest. Maybe each new day is one step closer to meeting a new friend or mentor or achieving a dream?

What if–instead of dread–I can feel excited for the new season? Letting go is not abandoning others–it’s leaving room for joy and expectation of God’s promises.

And, as Hannah six months later, I can confirm that the road to this new season is rocky, but also lined with unexpected blessings and growth opportunities.

Hope is not lost–not for either of us. God has never (and will never) leave your side. You are not alone.

Love, Hannah ❤

What no eye has seen,
    what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”—
    the things God has prepared for those who love him.

1 Corinthians 2:9

“Letting go” does not mean you’re giving up, it just means that after all this time, you are finally beginning to see even without the closure: You are worth the new beginning.

Morgan Harper Nichols

Trusting God with Our Unknowns

Are you struggling to let go because you didn’t get the closure or answers you hoped for?

Growth can be painful. Change can be painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong.

Charles Spurgeon

I’m sure you’ve heard the phrase, “Let go and let God”. People debated that phrase within the faith community because some interpreted it as a lack of effort on our part. When we simply let go and let God, they believe we aren’t taking ownership over our situations.

I don’t know if I’m particularly a fan of this phrase, but I do think it has some value to it. Yes, we need to be proactive and not expect God to just handle everything while we sit back and relax. But when we’ve done everything we can and we need to let go, that’s when it’s time to step back and remember that God is much more powerful and capable than we are.

I’ll even go one step further by saying we should go into every situation with the mindset that we are not in control and we are walking hand-in-hand with the Holy Spirit, who is in control and can direct us to the right choices.

There’s a difference between being proactive and being controlling. When we are being proactive, we are listening to the Holy Spirit, not allowing our joy and contentment come from the outcome of our situations, and willing to do whatever God leads us to do. When we are struggling to be in control, we are grasping at any loose threads that bring us comfort, trying to find solace in whatever small victories may come, even at the expense of our own wellbeing. When we are working so hard at being in control, we miss the bigger picture. We forget why we are doing what we’re doing in the first place, even if it started out as a wonderful, beautiful thing.

To be honest, this summer, my actions have slowly morphed from being proactive to being controlling. The hardest time to “let God” take over is when we are faced with unknowns. These unknowns fill our hearts with anxiety, confusion, and panic. When we can’t see the end result, we are fixated on the limited view we have of the present.

God called me into a few different situations that required patience, dedication, and compassion. I believe I did everything I could to help. But then, God called me to step back, and that’s when I faltered. I didn’t want to step back. I didn’t want to let go. If I let go, I’d feel like a failure. “There’s always more I can do”, I thought.

Of course there’s always more we can do. But there isn’t always more we should do.

I’ll admit it, there’s a thrill that comes when people rely on me. It gives me a sense of purpose, which is good, but that can’t be where my purpose comes from. My purpose, and your purpose, has to come from God. Because while He doesn’t promise that the purposes found in people or careers will be fulfilled, He does promise that our purposes found in Him will flourish.

Sometimes God isn’t only calling us out of a situation for our benefit. While yes, the reason may be to renew your energy, it could also be because the person you’re helping is relying too heavily on you. They are turning to you as their crutch rather than turning to God for their healing.

Think about it this way. If you’ve ever broken a leg, or seen someone with a broken leg, you’ve realized how important crutches can be to help them be able to move. While crutches are helpful and necessary for a time, they still can’t do everything for the injured person. Eventually, the person will have to do the hard work of physical therapy in order to experience full healing. Though the therapy may be more painful, just like growing and turning to God during our difficulties can be harder than finding someone to rant to, it ultimately brings the lasting results.

It’s really hard, devastating even, to be faced with unknowns. I can’t tell you whether or not this person is still meant to be in your life. I can’t tell you why they left. I can’t, and shouldn’t, explain away all the feelings you are experiencing in this season of change.

What I can say, however, is that God loves both you and this person even more than anyone else ever could. Trust Him to take care of them. Trust Him to take care of you. There never would’ve been any of us without God. He created all of us for a reason and He won’t ever give up on us.

So, perhaps you should walk out in faith today and not give up on Him.

It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it. You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace.

Isaiah 55:11-12

He has saved us and called us to a holy life–not because of anything we have done, but because of His own purpose and grace.

2 Timothy 1:9

This Year’s Lesson

Today I’ll be sharing what God’s taught me this past year!

As my birthday approaches, I’ve been thinking about what God’s been teaching me over the past year. Just choosing one thing to write about is hard! I mean, there’s learning how to listen to Him, how to relinquish control, how to trust Him…

He’s shown me how to grow even in places I never expected to be in. He’s taught me the power of our words. He’s shown me that He’s the only one who can satisfy me.

But the most important thing I’ve learned is that God works in mysterious ways. So many times, things don’t go according to my plan. I wanted this or I wanted that, and when it didn’t happen, I assumed God stopped caring about me. I lost hope. I chose to not see the good in the situation.

If I’m going to be real with you, the past two birthdays, I longed to be in a romantic relationship. After a series of events, I thought that was God’s plan. Or maybe I just wanted it to be?

But this year, God’s shown me that’s not what I need right now. And it’s taken me a year to accept that, to be joyful about that. And I am content about that. Right now, He’s building my relationship with Him so that it’s a solid foundation before I move on to the next season of life.

Growth doesn’t always present itself in the traditional ways. For me, being able to write that past paragraph is a growth step. The biggest goal we can have for each year is that we’re in a better place now than where we were the following year. It doesn’t have to be a place super far away. Just enough to know that we’re still moving forward.

Through my previous example, along with riding a horse I wouldn’t have naturally chosen, being distanced from people I care about, and having school online, have all been things that I didn’t expect or even want. But God has worked through those things to show me that I can still have joy no matter what situation He puts me in. I’m going to have to constantly remind myself of this, but now I know the truth.

God also surprises us in wonderful ways too. He’s given me a new, better job. He’s shown me how to appreciate the people around me. He’s blessed me with an outrageously hilarious puppy. If you think hard enough, I bet you’ll think of some ways God has unexpectedly blessed you too.

You’re not a failure for not being in the place you wished you were in. You’re not a failure for your plans not working out. God’s plans are ultimately so much greater than anything we can imagine. So take heart, because Jesus has overcome the world.

This year, I look forward to growing alongside you. I already have many new posts planned! But I’m also ready to live in the moment and not worry about what’s next because it’s all in God’s hands.

I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.

John 16:33

Forward

Having trouble letting go of someone? Here is some advice and encouragement.

I don’t know who needs to hear this but…

It’s okay to move forward. It’s okay to move on. It’s not mean.

If you needed to hear that, then someone probably came to mind. Perhaps an old friend, an ex, a person from your past that hurt you. But you were close, and you don’t want to let go.

Maybe everyone close to you has told you that you need to let go. That it would be the best thing for your mental health. That you deserve better.

And if you’re at the stage where you know that letting go is better for you, then you agree. You know that you are a child of God, born to love and to be loved back.

But something is stopping you. Something is in your path, denying you the chance to move on.

Perhaps you didn’t get the closure that you needed.

Let me tell you, I lived with the lie–that false belief that plagues our media obsessed society– that we have to get closure in order to move on. Then, literally a couple days ago, a post by a psychology expert changed my life.

To paraphrase, her post went something like this: I don’t know who gave you the idea that you have to get closure in order to move on. Maybe it was all those romance movies or books, the way the media likes to make us feel like we’re the anomaly…but the thing is, so many of us don’t get closure. And if we do, then we still have questions afterwards. There’s never going to be that moment that the other person makes for us where we suddenly lose that love and feel as free as a bird soaring through the sky. But the thing the media doesn’t tell us is that those movies are all fiction. Our lives are our own. We are the only ones who can give ourselves the freedom to move on and enjoy life again.

To add to that, from a Christian perspective, yes, we are the only ones who can bring closure. Except, we can’t do it alone. Jesus is there and He knows what it’s like to feel rejected, abandoned, and betrayed–by His own loved ones! His disciples! He does completely understand how we feel and He is the only one who will never leave us.

Here’s some tough love. You’re not going to get closure.

You’re not.

Not in the way you expect, anyway. Oh sure, you might have a good long talk. You might even part ways as the sun is setting behind the mountains as joyful tears fall from your face. But that’s never going to be enough.

The only way to feel fully content is to find your joy and satisfaction in Jesus. The only way to not be lonely is to surround yourself with God’s love, by praying continually and reading the Bible, not to mention staying in close contact with others who encourage and support you.

You might feel like a mean person for moving on, and I get that. I get all of these feelings.

But the thing is, you are making the choice to move on from this person because they hurt you. Because they weren’t good for you. Because you know deep down in your heart that the Holy Spirit (plus your best friends) told you that it’s time to let go.

So, if you feel like moving on means that you’re still in contact, but just not relying on them, then fine. If moving on means that you’re blocking them for your own sanity, then alright. If moving on means simply having that freeing feeling in your heart and not thinking about them anyone, then good.

Moving on isn’t the same for everyone. But ultimately it means that this person isn’t your whole world anymore. They aren’t going to be consuming your thoughts, bogging you down, or making you feel less than who God says you are.

Moving on means that you’re free. You can finally be who God created you to be without other people getting in the way of that.

I know it’s hard, but I also know you can do it.

Don’t give up.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that tis to be revealed to us.

Romans 8:18

You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.

Isaiah 26:3

Leaving the Past Behind Us

Do you have trouble letting go? Here is some encouragement.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve gotten so much out of the “Luke Challenge” this year. If you haven’t heard of it, basically the goal is to read one chapter of Luke every day starting from December 1st until Christmas Eve, since there are 24 chapters in Luke. The point is to celebrate Jesus and learn more about His time on Earth. Jesus has a different message for each of us this year, and it’s important to spend time reflecting on His legacy and on what He’s taught us in 2020.

Anyway, I have felt very convicted multiple times during this challenge, and I’m only through chapter 9! But last night’s in particular stuck out to me. I’ll share the passage below. It’s titled in some translations “The Cost of Following Jesus”.

As they were traveling across the road someone said to Him, “I will follow you wherever you go.”

Jesus told him, “Foxes have dens, and birds of the sky have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay His head.” Then He said to another, “Follow me.”

“Lord,” he said, “first let me go bury my father.”

But he told him, “Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and spread the news of the kingdom of God.”

Another said, “I will follow you, Lord, but first let me go and say goodbye to those at my house.”

But Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.”

Luke 9:57-62

Ok, first of all, let’s just take a pause for a moment and really let those words soak in.

Wow.

I will be the first to admit that I am horrible at letting go. Letting go of what, you might ask? Literally everything. People, possessions, dreams– even when I know something else is better for me. There are so many points made in this chapter, but I’m going to focus on the point Jesus makes about being willing to let go in order to follow Him.

When I first read this passage, I thought, “Wow, Jesus, you’re sure being harsh on them for not even letting them say goodbye to their families or even bury their loved ones.” But the more I thought about it, I think the point Jesus is trying to make is different than just our surface level assumptions.

Jesus is not necessarily (I’m not going to speak on His behalf of course) saying that you have to suddenly ditch everyone and be irresponsible. In fact, God is described as being faithful several times in the Bible, and we should be faithful as well. He is also not trying to tell us to not love others enough to even say goodbye or to not honor the dead.

Personally, I believe that Jesus is trying to emphasize that while we should love others and be loyal, nothing can come between Him and us. When we agree to follow Jesus, we change completely. We are a whole new person with a whole new life. And when we get so focused on our past lifestyle, then we can’t truly move forward with doing what Jesus commands us to do. We can’t have it both ways; we have to pick either our old way of living or follow Jesus and love Him with our entire heart.

I know how challenging it can be to let go of something, especially if we thought at one point that it was meant for us. But we can’t let our dreams, possessions, or even others come in between us and God. We simply cannot truly live for God with one foot in our old life and one foot in the new. It just doesn’t work like that, no matter how much we want it to.

Today, I challenge you to take a step back and reflect on the areas of your life where you may be living as your old self instead of your new self. Stop dwelling on the past, whether it’s mistakes you made long ago or dreams that didn’t come true for you. You are a whole new person now, and those chains do not have to hold you down any longer. Is there anything in your life coming between you and Jesus? A relationship? A job? A habit you simply can’t break?

This is one of the hardest things we can do– letting go. Not only that, but admitting we’ve done wrong in the first place can be difficult too. But it’s so important. Neglecting our need for growth is one of the biggest things that separates us from God.

I’ll be taking this challenge with you and checking in later to see where we’re at. For now, I pray that you can grow closer to God through this season.

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Ephesians 4:22-24