kindness – The Will to Wake Up

The Key to Dealing with Annoying People

Advice for reorienting frustrating relationships.

We’ve all got that person. Maybe several.

The one who pushes our buttons, rubs us the wrong way, and makes us second guess whether or not Jesus really knew what He was talking about when He said we have to love everybody. Surely Jesus hasn’t met this person, right?

I have many “button-pushers” in my life, so I completely understand where you’re at. In fact, trying to be “nice” to these people is something that’s been really hard for me recently.

Many devotionals will tell you to just remember how much Jesus loves them, and you should too. But that’s not really practical, is it?

For me, the thing that helps me deal with irritating people the most is random acts of kindness.

Not “killing them with kindness” in a performative, superficial way that ends up in resentment. Rather, just one simple act as a reminder that they are human and so are you.

Perhaps one act will lead to another and you’ll find yourself a much more patient, generous, and compassionate person. Or maybe it will end at one, but even kind deed can change someone’s life.

We all make mistakes. We won’t get along with everyone. But these tiny things can add up to make big changes in the most difficult of relationships.

The truth is, we really don’t know what’s going on in another person’s life. Maybe this act of kindness will soften their rough edges or improve your relationship. Or maybe it won’t and things will feel the same.

But you won’t ever have to regret showing them God’s love. You will have peace knowing that you did the right thing and someday maybe they’ll see that.

And above all, pray for them. It might not seem like it will make a difference, but I promise you, putting all your difficulties into Jesus’ hands is the best way to find wisdom and grace.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.
James 1:2-3

Appreciating Each Other

A pressing reminder when we are tempted to take others for granted.

For many, a story is a story by the way everything gets wrapped up all nice and pretty, like a Christmas present. The characters are happy by the end, fully changed, incapable of any further harm. We are satisfied.

But in life, we don’t often get closure, do we? We say goodbye without even knowing it. We walk past someone for the last time without a second thought. We think we are friends until we’re not.

Recently, I’ve been reminded of the bitter truth that we never know how long we’re going to have with someone.

Why would God allow that?

Honestly, I don’t know. In the wake of a sudden loss, an unexpected diagnosis, and/or division among those once close, it can be hard to make sense of God’s greater plan within all of it.

My best guess is that we are more motivated to be kind and grateful to those in our lives when we remember that we aren’t in control of how long we’ll have them around.

In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis remarks that, by being made in the image of God, the next closest thing to be with God Himself is when we are among other humans. Now did that put a spin on the way I saw the people who annoy me!

We aren’t perfect and we shouldn’t beat ourselves up over being irritated at people or needing alone time. But we should always hold these things close to our hearts when we interact with people.

We really don’t know when the last time will be. We don’t know the full story. We just know that God has placed His creation in our lives for a time, and we can choose to be blessed by them.

Today, I challenge us both to look at the people in our lives with new appreciation. When was the last time you told your loved ones how much they mean to you? Have you seen the people in your life as a gift, rather than a burden?

Going further, to the people who you don’t agree with or rub you the wrong way, how can you still appreciate them? You might think you want them out of your life, and that time may come, but perhaps there is a reason why they are here now.

You are loved and treasured, no matter if others recognize it or not. If no one has taken the time to appreciate you today, I will. You are God’s special creation, designed for incredible things. It is not to late for you to heal and flourish. ❤

Therefore since we are God’s offspring, we should not think that the divine being is like gold or silver or stone—an image made by human design and skill.
Acts 17:29

Reactions Versus Reality

Do negative reactions cause you to doubt your purpose?

The perfect gift: a little heart-shaped box filled with colorful paper strips of personalized compliments. I had worked so hard on it and I was so excited to give it to my friend. I was a little nervous to see this friend’s reaction, but I just knew it had to be encouraging.

But when I handed it to him, all I got was a “thanks” before the box was chucked into the back of the car and never to be spoken of again. Afterwards, I wondered if my act of kindness wasn’t really so kind? Perhaps I was in the wrong for thinking I could be encouraging.

Years later, as chuckle ruefully at the memory, I am reminded of how important it is to not allow others’ reactions remake reality.

When we do a kind act, but we are not appreciated for it, we are less inclined to go the extra mile in the future. When we wear something that makes us feel special, but someone teases us, we aren’t encouraged to express ourselves. When we choose to reach out to a lonely person, but that person doesn’t respond the way we intended, we regret our brave choice.

But that doesn’t make any of those actions bad or wrong. It doesn’t mean we should regret helping others or being true to ourselves.

It just means that people’s reactions shouldn’t dictate the way we live our lives.

Think about someone who inspires you. Someone who is kind, even on an off-day. Someone who forgives and is willing to move on. Someone who uses their talents to bring hope and light into the world.

What if that person let one negative reaction stop them from caring? What if that person chose to follow the crowd instead of shine their light?

Well, you know personally that the world would be far less beautiful without their gifts.

You are just as capable of making a difference as the people you admire. But we are all susceptible to being torn down by negative reactions.

So how can we combat discouragement?

By following a different guidebook for life. And I think you know which guidebook I’m talking about!

When we follow God’s calling on our lives (through reading the Bible, the best guidebook there is), we are able to live without regret. Even if people laugh at us, don’t understand us, or pretend like we don’t matter, we will know that our presence and our faithfulness is making a difference.

Today, I hope that you can rest assured that every single kind thing you do matters. Every smile, every check-in, every time you do something extra. It all matters, both to God and to greater humanity, whether you realize it or not.

And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.
1 Peter 5:10

Hope for the “Doormats”

Are you tired of feeling used and your worth depending on others? Here’s some encouragement!

There’s a reason why certain types of people are called doormats. You know what I’m talking about. People who are extremely kind, flexible, and wish for others to notice them, but often make little effort to bring attention to themselves. Hopeful that they will finally get noticed for all the work they do on others’ behalves. Waiting, waiting, waiting. Until they finally grow tired of feeling used.

If you think about it, doormats, or rugs, are a really good analogy when describing these characteristics. When you have a rug, you likely forget to clean it. You step on it, it absorbs the dirt, grime, and pet hair of your family, and then it eventually gets thrown out. I’ve never heard of someone looking forward to inheriting their family member’s rug. Likely rugs aren’t even in the will.

You might be feeling a little exposed at the moment. Perhaps you’re a “doormat”; you allow people to walk all over you. Or maybe there’s someone in your life who you’ve taken for granted. I’ve been at both ends of the spectrum and neither is pleasant, or comfortable, to confront.

You see, when we are doormats, we are trying to find our worth in something that isn’t stable. We are seeking affection, affirmation, and appreciation from people who don’t see our value. We cling to the little words or gifts that might make all we’re sacrificing (often our mental health) worth it. But then, when we’re eventually tossed out or fed up, we’re left feeling empty.

Then, on the other side of things, when we don’t notice the people around us, we can often unintentionally make them feel unseen. Or maybe we are aware of how they look up to us and want to please us, and we (guiltily) take advantage of it. It makes us feel better about ourselves, like we finally have an important place in this world. But that feeling is only temporary.

Though it might seem easier to be the “user” in this situation, the truth is, both parties are hurting. They are both hoping to find a relationship where they feel worthy.

And, my friends, I have the answer to this longing: Jesus. (By now, you probably guessed it 😉 )

Jesus loves us no matter what. Nothing we do or don’t do can change that. He will pick up all our broken pieces and make us whole again. He will guide us through the storms of life and give us unexplainable peace when the hard times hit. He leads us to the right decisions and prompts us to make a difference in others’ lives.

Most importantly, He cares about us and sees us as worthy.

And when we feel worthy, we can help others feel worthy. When we walk down the street, we won’t just be walking through a crowd of noisy people. Instead, we can see each person individually, in need of God’s love. The annoying child next door, the nosy coworker, or the quiet woman on the bus suddenly becomes God’s precious creation.

So today, ask yourself if you are placing yourself in situations that show your true worth. Are you over-extending yourself for the sake of getting others’ approval? Are you overlooking someone who needs to be shown God’s love today?

You will always been worthy and seen by God. ❤

Fear not, therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows.
Matthew 10:32

But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life.
Titus 3:4-7

Life Hack #1: Always Do the “Kind” Thing

Starting a new series on life hacks! Today’s life hack: Always do the kind thing.

I always hated it when, after sharing a long, complicated dilema with a trusted person, I’d get the advice, “Just always do the right thing”. What’s right? How is that helpful?

When figuring out my major last summer, I came across the same issue and same unhelpful advice. “Just do what God wants you to do”. Well, how do I know what that is?

My second time ever speaking in front of my church, I was giving a speech on “Life Hacks” from the Fruits of the Spirit. Through this new series, named appropriately enough, “Life Hacks”, I will be sharing some (hopefully) actually helpful advice when it comes to making decisions. Ultimately, there will never be 100% confirmation that we did what God wanted us to do unless we hear His thundering voice (or still whisper). But the Bible (and life experiences) can give us some clear indicators on knowing we’re working for Jesus.

Life Hack #1: Always do the “kind” thing.

This might sound like a remix of “always do the right thing”, but hear me out. Deep in our hearts, we know when an action is kind or not. We know the place from which our actions spur out of. Only you and God know if you gave that person a gift because you loved them or you expected something back. Only you two know if you donated out of sympathy or obligation.

It’s hard knowing when something’s “right” or not. A lot of times we end up trusting our gut or trying to apply Biblical wisdom to the situation. Both are good, especially going to God’s word. But a sure-proof way of knowing whether or not an action will potentially leave a powerful lasting impact is asking yourself if it’s showing another person kindness.

It sounds a lot easier than it really is. Sometimes, we just want our opinion out there, so we choose to send the sharply worded text rather than sharing an encouraging post. Or being kind requires sacrifice. Maybe it means getting a “bad” reputation or dealing with a person who isn’t liked by society. It could be financial sacrifice too, like trusting God with the bills in order to donate to charity or tithe. Perhaps it’s just getting off the couch after a long day to make dinner for someone else.

But let me tell you something: Whatever the sacrifice, it’s worth it.

On Sunday, I was given the opportunity to show kindness to a family grieving. It was a simple gesture, didn’t require much sacrifice on my part. But the hot, muggy weather was getting to me. I considered just sending a text instead of bringing my freshly baked cookies and card over.

However, I listened to the Holy Spirit, knowing this was truly not a big sacrifice at all in exchange for bringing others joy. And I am so thankful I made the extra effort. It ended up benefiting me as much as it did them. In the moment, I had a meaningful connection. After the fact, I learned that they would be moving soon, and this might’ve been one of my last opportunities to reach out to them.

God knows so much more than we do. Actually, He knows everything. So take His word for it when He tells you to do something that doesn’t make sense, especially when it comes to reaching out and encouraging others.

Jesus knows all about sacrifice. He sacrificed His reputation to dine among “sinners”. He humbled Himself by surrounding Himself with “the least of these”. He sacrificed His own life to save us. Jesus is the definition of kind.

Reflection

Is there someone God’s placing on your heart today? Someone who needs an extra bit of kindness, a tender word or a sweet gesture of appreciation?

I often think back to a powerful quote I read, “Be kind, everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about” (Wendy Mass). Only God knows everyone’s full story, and the only way to get to know someone better is to be kind to them.

And who knows? You might be unexpectedly blessed in the process too.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-5

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Ephesians 4:29

You are Never Alone

Whatever you’re going through, always remember that you are never alone.

“In her lowest place she found grace, the strength, the courage, the room, the space to move and live and breathe again.”
Morgan Harper Nichols

A lot of us find ourselves in a place where we truly believe we are alone. Forever alone.

Maybe a relationship ended. Maybe one never began. Maybe a longtime friendship fell apart. Maybe a loved one is gone. Or maybe the doubts are just seeping in more than usual.

Whatever place your in right now, I want you to close your eyes. Take a deep breath. You’re still here for a reason.

And it’s to touch others’ lives.

I know that right now that might be hard to believe. Some days feel just too difficult to get up, much less actually change the world.

What a large task, changing the world.

But the best news is, despite all that your mind is telling you, you’re never alone.

When I was first in that place where I needed to hear those words, I didn’t actually realize that it was a common phrase of encouragement. Sometimes when phrases become a second nature to us, we forget their true meaning.

So I feel fortunate that the time I heard it, I believed those words and felt like they were everything I needed to keep going.

Okay, maybe not everything. I still had doubts. I still felt alone sometimes.

But it gave me hope.

You may have heard the phrase “you are never alone” hundreds of times. Maybe they have lost their meaning for you. But I hope today that you can read them with fresh eyes. I wish I could say them to you in person.

I want you to feel them. Let them sink in.

You are never alone.

Now, you might think, Hannah, you don’t know what kind of situation I’m in!

That’s true, I don’t. I can’t pretend to understand what you are going through.

But I do know this. God will always be there waiting for you. He is the One who will not leave you alone in a pit of despair. He is the One who will lift you out and make you into His perfect creation.

I also know something else.

At least one person is praying for you. At least one person cares about you.

I am praying for you and I care about you. I don’t know anything about you, but I know that you are worthy of being cared about.

Nothing you did could ever separate you from the love of God. Absolutely nothing.

You are priceless. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Nothing about you can change that, either. Not your looks, your career, your quirks, your awkward moments, your mistakes.

Because those things aren’t going to last forever.

Love is the only thing that can truly bind us together, forever, with the One who gave us life in the first place.

So let love fill your heart. There is still hope. You will be able to love again. You will be loved again. And you are currently loved by the One who knows how to love the best.

And remember, no matter what you are facing, you are never alone.

The Lord appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.
Jeremiah 31:3

What Do You Actually Want?

God doesn’t see us the way everyone else does.

Two posts in one day? Apparently yes!

My friends know I love good analogies, so hopefully this one suits your fancy!

I was watching my dog, Rocky, who I’ve talked about a few times on here. He basically attacks us while we are eating by jumping all around, barking, and scratching up our legs, unless we give him what he wants.

We decided to get him a can of dog food that he hasn’t had in a while to hopefully trick his sense of smell into thinking he was getting the same food as us.

He wagged his tail eagerly, waiting in anticipation, knowing exactly what he wanted…or so we thought.

The garbage bin usually sits out in the kitchen during dinner and is unfortunately just the right height for him to stick his little black nose into. After we opened the can and scooped out the food, we threw the can into the bin. Instead of running over to get the food, he raced to the trash to check out that can.

He was so focused on the outer wrapper that he didn’t pay attention to what was good for him, what was actually what he needed and wanted.

I think we can get distracted by the “wrapper” in life, too.

We see the fixings of a life that appears to be perfect. We see a person that has stunning looks. We see a memory or something we are clinging onto with rose colored glasses.

God gives and He takes away. He doesn’t want us to be so caught up in the wrapper; He wants us to go after the deeper meaning in life, in relationships, and in His call on our lives.

Don’t settle, whether it’s for a person, a job, or what you think you want out of life if it’s anything other than what God’s calling you to.

God knows what He’s doing. He’s the only one who can see the future. He’s the one who planned it! And He planned it with you in mind, the one He loves so very much.

When you see a person, don’t think about their appearance, give them a chance regardless of how they look. Treat everyone with God’s gentleness, grace, and kindness.

When you see an opportunity, think about if it’s what God wants you to do. Pray about it. Don’t just go for something because you are afraid of missing out. But at the same time, if you think God is calling you to do it, then go for it! Take that leap of faith!

God’s got your back, you don’t have to stress anymore.

After all, just like how we are striving to look deep inside everything in our lives, God sees deep inside of us. He isn’t ever distracted by the wrapper. He loves every part of you, and He knows that desire, the longing in the core of your being.

And I hope that desire is to be just like the One who sacrificed it all because of His unfailing love for us.

You’re worth so much more than you think.

For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.
1 Sammuel 16:7