Relationships – Page 3 – The Will to Wake Up

The Power of a “Thank You”

When have you been particularly touched by a simple act of gratitude?

Thank you. The magic words alongside “please” and “may I”. This simple phrase that we often disregard or use simply out of politeness may be the answer to saving your relationships.

A family member of mine has worked for years for a company that surrounds him with untrained “assistants”, a demanding boss, and a mountain-load of work that spews into his vacation time and weekends. Understandably, he has wished to leave this company for quite some time. You might think a raise or a promotion or a superior title might convince him to continue his job. But no–all he wants is one thing: a simple “thank you”.

A few days ago, a friend reached out with a kind message of appreciation. Up until this point, I was weary of helping this person and considered distancing myself from the friendship. But this message provided renewed energy and a desire to be there for them.

A person close to me has been a devote member of her church for nearly a decade. She offers her time, talents, and energy into a volunteer position that has enough work to really be a paid job. She particularly poured her heart into the Christmas activities and gifts for the leadership team and children’s families. But all she got in return was a half-hearted, pre-printed card, and a candle with wax spilling down the sides. She didn’t serve for the recognition (or else she certainly would’ve left a long time ago!). All she wanted was a simple “Merry Christmas”, a thank-you for her efforts.

Can thank-you’s really be that powerful? Can they transform relationships, work environments, and communities?

I believe they can.

I don’t mean a hastily tossed out “thank-you” as you head out the door. I mean taking the time (which often only takes a few minutes) to send an appreciative text or mail out a thoughtful card. If you are feeling more generous, taking this person out for lunch or buying a small gift. Don’t do it out of obligation, but out of your admiration and gratitude for this person.

We often come up with excuses to not show our gratitude. We’re “too busy” or “don’t have enough money”. But we don’t have to spend money or take much of our time to remind others that they are loved, that their efforts don’t go unnoticed. Just showing up and listening to them can be enough.

At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself: Is this person worth the effort it will take to make them feel appreciated?

I hope the answer is yes. In fact, I hope the answer is that they are worth much more than whatever you can offer.

The truth is, when we have someone in our lives that restores our hope in humanity, who is there in our time of need, or simply makes the world a brighter place, we feel like we have little to offer in return.

That’s the real reason we are scared to say “thank-you”. We don’t believe we can return the favor, so we don’t even try.

But trust me, whatever you do will make a difference. When our acts of service or generosity come from a heart of love, then it won’t matter how big the reward is, if any.

Today, think of someone who has changed your life, even in small ways. Now, take the time to thank them in an intentional way that you know they will personally appreciate. You won’t regret it.

And as this year comes to an end, thank God for His blessings, despite a difficult year, and the people He has placed in your life.

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.
Colossians 2:6-7

Intentional Community

How do you feel after spending time with those in your community?

Have you ever gotten home from a social event (or turned your computer off after an online one) and felt instantly drained? Or perhaps you were left feeling elated, wanting to share the love you experienced with someone else?

Community is a tricky thing. We were all created for community, yet because of our broken world, we don’t often get “community” right. Sometimes, when we are told that we should be part of a community, we choose to stay around people who make us feel bad about ourselves or drained our energy. However, that’s not the kind of community God intended for us.

The scripture often used to support the idea of God creating us for community is from Genesis, when God created Eve to take care of the Earth with Adam. When Adam first meets Eve, he is so excited that he verbal rejoices.

This is now bone of my bones
and flesh of my flesh.
Genesis 2:23

Adam declares that Eve is just like him. In fact, their humanity is what connects them. Even after the fall, we are still connected to one another. However, we have to be more intentional about honoring that truth.

God created community so that we can worship Him together and reflect His love to one another. Ideally, any group of people would be able to feel refreshed and rejuvenated after spending time together. However, sadly that is not the case, which means not only do we need to be intentional about loving each other, we also have to be intentional about what communities we join.

Have you ever spent so much time with someone that you begin to become more like them? I realized the other day that the voice in my head often sounds like whoever I am spending the most time with! A little scary to think about sometimes…

Even the way we see ourselves reflects who we are around. When we are with encouraging people, we will feel more confident. If we are with negative people, we may experience more stress and irritation with the world.

When you are trying to figure out whether or not you should stay in a community, let God’s Spirit speak to you through your feelings. After spending time with them, are you feeling more alive, more affirmed in how God sees you? Or are you feeling discouraged and drained, used even?

God wants us to be loving to everyone, including the people who make us feel frustrated. However, we can love difficult people from afar. Sometimes God does call us to spend a lot of time with difficult people, and if that’s the case, it’s important to also surround yourself with healthy people. But God would never want you to force yourself to stay in a relationship that hurts you or others.

Today, if you are part of a community that reflects the characteristics of God, thank God and reach out to these people to show your appreciation. If you are not part of a community, ask God to show you who you should connect with in order to fill that void in your life.

You belong, regardless of what others have made you believe in the past. You deserve to be surrounded by people who see you the way God sees you: chosen, loved, and made in His image.

So God created mankind in his own image,
in the image of God he created them.
Genesis 1:27

You Can’t Understand…and That’s Okay

Have you ever told a friend going through a hard time that you understand what they’re going through? Perhaps, though your words were meant well, they were received poorly. Here is some advice and encouragement for your relationships!

Have you ever had someone close to you experience a hardship, potential life or death, and you wanted to do everything in your power to be there for them? You wanted to hold them close, tell them that everything’s going to be okay, and that you understand. You formulate the right text to send or the words to speak, words laced with the love you have for this person. To you, this just feels right.

However, to your despair, they give a short response or even say, “But you don’t understand.”

And those words hurt. They hurt a lot. They hurt because you just poured your heart out to a loved one and you feel like you can understand because you’ve either had a similar experience or you feel other people’s pain deeply.

I know what it’s like to truly believe I understand what someone’s going through, and then have my words received poorly. When that happens, it makes me want to run in the opposite direction and never open my mouth again. Or I want to defend myself, citing evidence as to why I understand exactly what’s going on.

But you know what I’ve learned after trial and error? We actually don’t understand. And maybe that’s okay.

I believe that even if you were placed in the exact same situation at the exact same time in the exact same setting, you would still experience the hardship differently.

I was teaching a group of Sunday schoolers (ages 3-6) last week, and I asked them why they thought God made a diversity of humans and animals.

One little boy answered, “Because it’s more beautiful that way.”

Clearly, small minds do not mean small ideas.

This child was definitely onto something with his response. It is beautiful that we can weave our stories into the lives of others and watch an intricate legacy form. Life is simply more interesting because of our differences.

But the fact that we all see things differently can be scary because we don’t always know how others will react. However, by being sensitive to other people’s experiences and perspectives, we can grow into more empathetic and wise individuals.

While we generally want to understand out of our care and concern for others, we also may have a selfish reason for saying “I understand”. When we bring ourselves into the conversation, we are taking the focus off the person in need and pointing the spotlight onto us.

Have you ever listened to your friend’s dilemma and instantly responded with a story of your own that relates? I am certainly guilty of this. Often, we are more comfortable talking about ourselves than others, maybe for fear of saying the wrong thing or wanting to prove that we don’t have life easy either.

But you have nothing to prove. If you are in a mutual friendship or relationship with someone, they will know that your life isn’t easy. Your time to share will come, but it doesn’t need to be at the same time as theirs.

You also don’t have to prove that you care about your loved one. I guarantee that they will feel more loved by your constant presence, willingness to listen, and thoughtful questions rather than you trying to relate your life to theirs.

It is easier to say “I understand”, but assuming you already understand prevents you from learning more about your loved one or the situation they are in. The more you allow yourself to admit “Hey, maybe I don’t fully understand, but I want to understand”, the more you will actually begin to look at the world from multiple perspectives.

This isn’t to say you shouldn’t try to understand others. You certainly should! However, the best way to understand is going into situations with an open mind to whatever God is trying to teach you from this experience. He places us in each others’ lives intentionally, and He will not waste your efforts, especially when they come from a loving heart.

How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!
Psalm 133:1

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.
Romans 12:10

When Saying “No” is Kinder Than Saying “Yes”

What if saying “no” actually improves your relationships?

Have you ever been in a situation where you are with a loved one and they ask you for a favor or want to do an activity with you? Even though you don’t really want to or lack the time and energy for it, you still say yes?

You rationalize this yes with “If I say no, then I’ll be hurting their feelings” or “I’m not a good friend/family member if I say no”. You may have even been taught that “no” isn’t allowed.

But the truth is, being able to say “no” is the key to having healthy relationships.

Slip into their shoes for a minute: Wouldn’t you rather have them be honest with you than go along pretending that they are interested, just for you to find out later that they only came out of obligation?

Plus, the more times you say yes to things you don’t want to do, the harder it will be to say no in the future. Maybe this one little favor doesn’t seem like a big deal, but then it builds up to a weekly thing or ends up taking you away from causes you feel more passionately about.

Yes, your initial “no” may cause your loved one to be disappointed at first. However, if they are truly someone who cares about your wellbeing, then they won’t let your answers stop them from wanting to be in a relationship with you.

When you really care about someone, you’ll want to do whatever you can to be on good terms with them and make sure they feel loved by you. The best way to have a healthy relationship is to be upfront with them from the beginning. Then they know you are trustworthy and mean it when you say you love them.

A disclaimer is that the Holy Spirit’s voice always overrides our feelings. If you do feel called to help someone or spend extra time with a friend, it could be the Holy Spirit intentionally placing you in their life for reasons you do not yet know. But make sure that when you do say “yes”, you are doing it for the right reasons.

Unhealthy Yeses

You feel obligated
You want praise or validation in order to feel needed
You feel like you have to return a favor someone else gave you
You are burnt out, yet you feel like you need to add more to your plate
You know deep down that you shouldn’t say yes
You are dreading helping this person

Healthy Yeses

You genuinely want to help and may even feel more energetic after being there for this person
You can feel the Holy Spirit guiding you into this action
It would not stress or overwhelm you
You have peace about saying yes

Saying “no” can be uncomfortable at first. However, the more you do it, the easiest it will get. Your yeses will have more significance once they are truly what you want and bring you peace. The way you uniquely love others will blossom beautifully when built on honesty.

Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body.
Ephesians 4:25

The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity.
Proverbs 11:3

All Together

Do you find it difficult to relate to people who seem to have it all together? Is it tempting to only share the parts of your life that are going well?

Recently, I’ve heard a lot of people note how, especially within the church, we are inclined to share how we successfully made it through past pain and difficulties, yet we are reluctant to reveal how we don’t have it all together in the present. The more I’ve thought about this, the truer it sounds. When we pretend like we have everything figured out, we are doing a disservice to both ourselves and the people witnessing our spiritual journey.

The truth is, no one has life figured out completely. They may look like they do, but they really don’t. Last week, I had lunch with an old friend, and we were discussing our plans for the next year. She eagerly shared how she would be joining a smaller community which she described as “nerdy”, which she looked forward to being a part of. I remarked that meant she wouldn’t feel like she had to keep up an image of having it all together. She laughed and replied, “When have I ever looked like I’ve had it all together?”

This is coming from someone who had the perfect grades in school, a great family, a comfortable home, played on a pro soccer team, nearly published a book at age 18, and had a decent sized friend group. To the outside observer, yeah, she did seem like she had it all together.

Prior to her confession of not “having it all together”, I assumed she saw herself as a successful, brilliant young woman with a bright future ahead of her. In fact, I was even a little intimidated by her as I thought about how far she had come in her goals while I felt so far back. Yet in that moment, I realized how truly terrible it is when we assume others have it better than we do.

When we see someone win a gold medal or receive a promotion, we don’t always hear about the sweat and tears it took to get where they are today. When we enviously watch others find the love of their lives or a boss who finally respects them, we don’t know about all the people who have rejected them or belittled them in the past. The point is, we don’t each others’ full stories. Even if everyone read a memoir written by everyone else, we still wouldn’t know each others’ daily thoughts and struggles. There’s no way we can take on that kind of responsibility.

That’s why it’s important to focus on the tasks God has given us specifically to do instead of looking over our shoulders at people who seem to have it better.

Additionally, when given the opportunity to share our testimonies, whether in front of a small group or one-on-one with a friend, we need to honest about how God is using our daily lives. That includes our setbacks, our moments of wondering whether or not we really overcame our past fear or regret. It also includes appreciating the little joys of each day, knowing that they may fade away tomorrow, yet we can still enjoy them in the moment.

Today, let yourself be vulnerable where you are being called to be vulnerable. Obviously, not everyone is in a place to hear about the deeper parts of your story. However, when God is calling you to share your story, don’t allow the temptation to appear as perfect as possible take over. Remember how the relatable messages of others have resonated with you. People can’t learn from human “perfection”. However, we can learn from the truths buried inside life’s ups and downs.

Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.
Ephesians 4:29

If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.
John 15:7

Song Recommendation: All Together, by Mike Donehey: https://youtu.be/IV2PdVlcUDw

It’s Time to Check In

It’s easy to remember to check in on the people in our lives who seem to really need us. But when was the last time you checked in on your friends who “have it all together”?

I once heard that the people who seem to have it the most “together” are the ones who in the most need of being checked in on. I find this to be very true. When people create a large “cover” to hide their deeper feelings, it’s easier for them to be overlooked.

Last week, I got the privilege of spending time with a friend I haven’t seen in nearly a year. As I’m sure you’ve experienced when reconnecting with people after being locked down for so long, we spent the majority of the conversation discussing all we had missed from each other’s lives over the past year. She admitted to feeling frustrated over how people in her life, especially people close to her, assumed everything came easy to her and that she never needed their help. “It’s true,” she said. “Most people think I have it all together. But I really don’t.”

In all honesty, I had regarded her as a person who did have it all together. The perfect grades, a good head on her shoulders, an admirable amount of confidence. Though I wasn’t one of the people she had been referring to, I felt a sense of guilt as I realized I spent more time investing in the people in my life who had obvious needs than people like her. And just because she needed help, she needed someone to ask how she was doing, it doesn’t make her any less of the incredible person I thought she was. All of her accomplishments mean even more now that I know her mindset through those times.

Sometimes, we talk ourselves out of checking in on people. We allow our outward impressions of others to define our relationship with them. We enjoy labeling friends as “the one we have fun with” or “the one we get wise advice from” or “the one who relies on me”. But the truth is, we all need to be shown that we are cared about and that we aren’t going through life alone. And often, the ones who laugh the most and act like everything’s okay are the ones who would appreciate a kind word or a simple act of love the most. They are often the ones who are always overlooked in this sense.

Two and a half years ago, I was in a dark place. I was this close to spiraling into a place of despair. But then a friend reached out to me and checked in. She could see, or perhaps God helped her see, that something was wrong. Something deeper than what I presented on the surface. And that saved me from going into a place I don’t know if I could’ve recovered from.

Today, ask God to bring to your mind someone, or perhaps multiple people, who need you to check in on them. You don’t have to start off with deep, thought-provoking questions. Rather, just see if they need someone to talk to or if you can spend some time with them. Think outside the box, to the people who might seem okay or who might not have anyone in their lives who care about their feelings.

In the Bible, we are told that people will know we follow Jesus because of our love. The greatest commandment is to love God and love people. If we wake up every morning realizing how much love God has for us, we can extend that love to others.

You are loved. ❤

I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.
John 13:34-35

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
1 John 4:7-8

Carry one another’s burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:2

For you were called to be free, brothers and sisters; only don’t use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but serve one another through love.
Galatians 5:13

Is This Person Right for Me?

Have you met someone you really like, but you aren’t sure if they’re meant for you? Or maybe you had a person in your life that you wish you could get back? Here’s some advice that will hopefully encourage you.

I don’t believe in “right person, wrong time”. I understand the idea. Sometimes, we meet someone who we think is super great, and then things don’t work out. We want to blame anything we can. They weren’t understanding, we weren’t attractive enough, the timing was off. If it had only been different circumstances…

But no, I can’t and won’t believe that. I believe with my entire heart that God places the people in our life at the time when we need them or they need us. Often, it’s mutual benefit, even if we can’t see it at the time. God knows what He’s doing. He’s got a bigger plan, even when we can’t make sense of it.

The thing we don’t want to admit is that this person that we cared so much about wasn’t meant to be in our lives. We may have invested so much into the relationship, whether emotionally or otherwise, and now it’s all gone. But nothing is put to waste, even painful things. Often, those painful things are what bring us closer to God and teach us the valuable lessons we needed to learn before meeting the “right” person.

Speaking of the right person, you may be wondering if the person in your life right now is the person you’re meant to be with. It’s tough to know that for sure, but there are a few things you should look out for before pursuing a relationship with them. If these things apply and you believe God wants you together, then you should go for it! Who knows, you could end up making the second best (after starting a relationship with Jesus, of course 🙂 ) decision of your life!

They love God more than anything else

This one’s a little hard to wrap our heads around. They have to love someone more than us?! But yes, just one other person, or rather, being. If they put God first in their life, then they will make decisions that best help both of you. You will see them grow into an even better person. And their faith and dedication will inspire you. Speaking of which…

2. They help you grow in your faith

This one is just as important. It’s wonderful for the two of you to grow together in your faith. Perhaps you are at different stages, and that’s okay. The most important thing is that you help each other on your faith journey. That can look different for different people. For some, it might be going to church or doing a Bible study together. Maybe you text encouraging verses to each other and discuss what God’s doing in your lives on a regular basis. Whatever it is, they encourage you and strengthen your faith.

3. They pass the “coffee filter” test

You might be confused on this one, and that’s okay. I recently heard of this concept from a mentor in my life who was sharing how she had to do the “coffee filter” test on her husband before they got married.

Let’s be honest, you both will not agree on everything. If you do, then you are not being honest with each other. It’s totally fine, and good actually, to have differences. It makes life interesting and helps you both learn about other perspectives. But there are always a few things that cannot be tolerated, and it’s important to distinguish between the “not preferred” versus the “cannot tolerate”.

When you use a coffee filter, you see how some things can slip through while others are too big and stay at the top. The things that slip through are the differences or slightly annoying characteristics of the other person that you can live with. Maybe these quirks are helping you grow…in patience :). But then there are some no-goes, the things that are too big to ignore or tolerate. If the person cannot change in those areas or you think it would hurt who that person is to change, then they may not be the one for you.

4. They encourage you

I mentioned encouragement in the faith area, but encouragement in other areas of life is important too. Encouragement looks different for different people. Personally, I enjoy personalized compliments and spending quality time together. For others, it might be gifts, exciting adventures, or even just a fresh cup of coffee in the morning.

When someone is a good encourager, it means they care enough to see what encourages you personally. They may not get things right every time, but when you are around them, you feel like the best version of yourself.

5. They help you pursue God’s calling

This one can get tough, because when we care a lot about someone, we only want the best for them. But our best doesn’t always line up with God’s best, and we can often forget that God’s version of “best” is better than ours.

When you have a calling and you know it’s from God, your significant other should encourage you to pursue it and understand why you feel passionately about it. Of course, this doesn’t mean they have to automatically jump up and want to join you, but it does mean they respect your decision and want you to do whatever God leads you to do.

I hope that this advice helps you! This topic means a lot to me personally for many reasons. I grew up in a home where my parents were unequally yoked (one was Christian and the other wasn’t). In some ways, it strengthened my faith because it had to be my own. But in other ways, it deeply saddened me as I had to keep the biggest part of my life to myself when around one of my parents. They also couldn’t connect on the spiritual level nor had the same priorities, which made life less pleasant for them.

I’ve also experienced the feeling of “right person, wrong time”. I really thought this person was the one, and then he wasn’t. That broke my heart, but over time, I’ve realized that God has better things in store for me. It’s taken me a year to figure that out, and I want to help you if you are in the broken hearted stage right now.

A friend once told me, “I’m confident that you will end up with a really good, godly person. And I’m not confident about most things!”

That really encouraged me. As for you, I believe the same thing. If you listen to God and follow His lead, you will end up with just the right person.

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
Ephesians 4:2

Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
1 Peter 4:8

There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because he first loved us.
1 John 4:18-19

Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.
Romans 13:8

The Mysterious World of Love Languages

Whether they’re your friend, parent, sibling, or significant other, you want them to feel loved by you. But how can you go about doing that in a way that’s special to them?

Let’s be honest–we all have a preferred way of showing love to others and receiving it. Sometimes, one person’s knitted scarf is another person’s bear hug. It’s important to understand the different love languages in order to help others feel God’s love. Jesus’ biggest command was “Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” This seems simple in theory, but when we combine this command with people who experience love differently than us, it gets complicated. But the best way to understand others is by learning about them.

So…how do we go about doing that?

First of all, we must understand the different love languages, which have been grouped into five categories:

Physical Touch (Hugs, physically being present, rubbing one’s back…)
Words of Affirmation (compliments, thank-you cards…)
Gifts (things bought from the heart)
Quality Time (long calls, spontaneous hang-outs, trips together…)
Acts of Service (doing extra chores, taking the kids for the day…)

So, now that you know all the types, let’s answer a few questions you might have surrounding them.

If I don’t experience one of these types, do they not love me?

Of course not! I used to wonder that, though. When I was growing up, I saw other kids get hugs from their parents all the time, while with my dad, it was more of a yearly thing. I learned to realize that his love language isn’t physical touch, but acts of service, since he was always doing things for me. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me, just that he shows it in a different way.

However, if someone close to you isn’t showing you the type of love that makes you feel loved, it’s possible they just don’t realize that you have a different love language than them. It’s important to speak up and share what makes you feel good. It’s also important to not get too caught up in what we think we lack and rather notice how to help others instead. Sometimes loving others ends up being an act of self-care as well.

Does my receiving type have to be the same as my giving type?

I like to think of people having two types of love languages: the type they give and the type they receive. Sometimes it’s the same, but often it’s different.

For me, I clearly love words, and speaking words of affirmation is my favorite love language. (Though it’s hard to choose just one!) But in terms of receiving love, I feel more loved when people spend quality time with me. To me, time is the most valuable gift a person has, and if they are willing to share it with me, then I am honored.

The bottom line is that it’s okay–good actually– if you encompass multiple types, enjoy all or only one of them, and experience love differently than how you give it out.

How can I find out people’s love langauges?

The first way is the most simple: just ask! Most people know what they enjoy, even if they don’t know the specific “categories”. You don’t have to feel shy about it; it shows that you care when you are willing to ask.

However, there are other ways of figuring this information out too. See how they show you or others love. Even if that’s not their primary receiving love language, I’m sure they still enjoy it and would appreciate the reciprocation. Notice what they talk about a lot and what they are passionate about. That can also give indications as to what they enjoy and what makes them feel alive.

Is there a way to love people “wrong”?

No! God gives us all different spiritual gifts. Yours might be making a delicious meal for a family in need while another’s is writing thoughtful cards. While it’s good to keep in mind what loved ones’ preferred love languages are, it’s also important to stay true to yourself when showing love to others. It may not feel authentic if you do something you are not comfortable with.

As always, follow God’s leading when it comes to loving others. He adores it when we show the world His compassion and kindness. When you follow His Spirit, you’ll be amazed all the people out there who are waiting to experience His love through you. ❤

And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
Ephesians 3:18-19

How Self-Control Can Change Our Relationships

Do you need to see humanity in a new light? Here’s some encouragement.

While listening to First, by Lauren Daigle, I made the mistake of scrolling through the comments. Sometimes I come across an inspirational story or a timely Bible verse this way. The first comment was made by a young fan who compared Lauren Daigle to a pop singer, saying that Lauren Daigle was the better version because she’s a gospel singer. The way the fan expressed her appreciation for Lauren Daigle was sweet and not demeaning in the least. However, in the responses to this comment, there is a very lengthy disagreement that started out somewhat innocent and ended up being long, hurtful paragraphs against each other. As I got caught up in reading their argument, the song suddenly ended, and I hadn’t really heard any of it. I minimized the comments, replayed the song, and realized I needed to blog about this.

Both of those people missed opportunities to show God’s love to others. One used verses to condemn; another claimed that love was the only thing that mattered, yet nothing else they said was loving. Hypocrisy is a huge turn-off for unbelievers, and for good reason. When we don’t follow through with what we claim to believe, then what’s the incentive for others to want what we have: faith?

When we get obsessed about the little things, the inconveniences of life, we miss out on the beauty of it. More importantly, when we let worldly things get to us, like an insensitive person or even a confused one, we miss out on being good witnesses for Jesus. We lose sight of what’s really important. I am legitimately terrified that Internet arguments are going to be the biggest factor in deterring people from Jesus in this generation. They may already be.

I read an essay the other day talking about how people turn into wild animals when behind the wheel. They spew out language they never would utter under normal circumstances, but when road rage captures them…oh boy…

Screens have the same effect as a windshield. We feel protected, hidden. We don’t even know the people on the other side of the screen, yet we feel free to call them hurtful names and assume they are monsters. But guess what? At the end of the day, we are all still human. We all have those moments of setting down our phone, crying over something a stranger on the Internet said. We are real, and so are they.

Self-control is so underrated these days. We want to have control over other people, but guess what, we don’t. The only one we have control over is ourselves. Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit, one of the key factors in people knowing we’re living for Jesus.

Self-control isn’t just being patient or understanding. Self-control is refraining from arguing with a stranger on social media. It’s not sharing that insensitive post that made you laugh. It’s taking the time to think before clicking send or responding to others in person. It’s allowing Jesus to take control, really.

If you want to see humanity in a new, better light, then exercise self-control. Listen to others. Put yourself in their shoes. Allow your eyes to be washed clean and restored. When a blind man asked Jesus for healing, instead of snapping His fingers and saying, “You can see now”, He made a paste using spit and mud and put that on the man’s eyes instead. He made him go through a process in order to really have new sight, and the man was healed.

Today, ask for Jesus to give you a fresh outlook on the world. Sometimes, it takes going through something messy or gross, like mud-spit, before we can really understand people the way Jesus does. But you know what? It’s always worth it.

Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.
Proverbs 16:32

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
Proverbs 18:21

The Gift of Grace

What makes grace so profound?

I’ve been trying to wrap my head around the idea of grace ever since reading a Philip Yancy book on the topic. He said that grace is the one defining characteristic of a follower of Christ. Unbelievers can be kind, selfless, and loving. However, only those who truly understand the grace God gives us each day, by even allowing us to take a single breath of air, can also extend that grace.

I know so many Christians who are doing incredibly unchristian things. I’m not talking about the “hot topic” sins. I’m talking about saying hurtful things, joining in with the rest of the world in condemning others, and participating in this mass spread of unkindness. They say that we have to hold people accountable for their actions, which is true, but we need to do it in the right way. There needs to be room for grace. There needs to be room for understanding, because so often we are too quick to judge. We assume everyone who’s different from us has evil motivations. We don’t like to admit it, but it’s true.

The thing about grace is that it doesn’t make sense. I’ll be bold enough to say that it isn’t supposed to make sense, at least on this side of Heaven. Grace isn’t naïve or dismissive. Grace is acknowledging the wrong, the hurt, but still showing compassion and love. Grace isn’t injustice, but rather transformative forgiveness that leads to deeper healing.

Here’s the tough thing about grace: it goes against our human nature. It goes against what the world tells us. Grace is loving your enemy, whether your enemy takes the form of your annoying next door neighbor, a hurtful relative, or a person with an opposing political view. Grace isn’t agreeing with their actions or misbeliefs; grace is seeing the person inside them. We need to show ourselves grace too, whether that’s when we look in the mirror, receive a critical remark, or make the same mistake again.

Grace takes humility. In order to show grace, we can’t have an attitude of self-righteousness. We have to admit that we’re wrong sometimes too. We have to realize that we have also been shown grace, the greatest grace that has existed, the grace of God. We are only here because of His grace.

Every time I’m tempted to post something that I know might offend or hurt someone’s feelings, I think about my purpose. God didn’t put me here to crack a joke at someone else’s expense. God didn’t put me here to mock others. God didn’t put me here to be the opposite of Jesus. Jesus embodies grace, compassion, and faithfulness. As followers of Christ, our purpose and mission should be embodying everything Jesus embodied.

But the best part about grace is that it lets go of the past. Jesus always sees you as His perfect creation. He doesn’t see all the messy things that we like to point out in others or even in ourselves. And if Jesus can love us perfectly like that, Him being the most powerful being ever, then can’t we extend just a fraction of that grace to others?

For by grace are you saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God.
Ephesians 2:8

And the grace of our Lord was more than abundant, with the faith and love which are found in Christ Jesus.
1 Timothy 1:14