“It is quite clear that between love and understanding there is a very close link…He who loves understands, and he who understands loves. One who feels understood feels loved, and one who feels loved feels sure of being understood.”
― Paul Tournier
Since this is an Enneagram blog, among other things, I thought it would be helpful to post about how I feel Nines relate to other types. By no means is this supposed to make one type seem more compatible to Nines or make one type sound better than another. It’s just my personal reflection on how different people’s types has affected my relationships with them. I hope you can enjoy/relate!
Ones- The Clean to Our Cluttered
I don’t have very many Ones (to my knowledge) in my life, but those that I do know are very admirable to a Nine. I don’t know about you, but I am very disorganized and I often have a hard time bringing myself to get rid of belongings etc. But Ones are good at getting Nines into action and cleaning. In addition, I’m a jist person, but Ones are more detail oriented. Nines can help Ones relax while Ones can help Nines notice details when it comes to projects etc. One thing that Ones and Nines have in common is that they can be pretty sensitive when it comes to criticism. In a way, that should actually help Ones and Nines relate because they will be more sensitive to each other.
Twos- Each Other’s Helping Hand
I have a lot of Twos in my life, and I really appreciate them. For one, they are usually that person that Nines want to have that actually asks how they are doing and if they need anything. Nines, in turn, will generally notice when a Two needs something but isn’t addressing it and that can be helpful for Twos to know that someone cares about their needs. Last year, I had a Two in my life that consistently asked me to do join her when she noticed that I was alone, and I really appreciated that it was in her nature to not give up after being nice once, but continuing to help me. My mom has scored as a Two (although I still think she might be a Six) and I do appreciate how she will often ask me about how things are going and if she can help me with anything. However, I (like maybe some other Nines) want to do things/handle things my own way and it can be frustrating for Nines to have a Two always wanting to know their business. But overall, I’d say that Nines and Twos get along very well. (But then again, both of these types get along well with most everybody):)
Threes- A Life that Would Exhaust a Nine
A friend that I grew up with is without a shadow of a doubt a Three. I think that some types are more easy to mistype (I actually thought I was a six for several months before realizing I was a Nine) but Threes are one of those that don’t, in my experience. Threes are what Nines might dream of becoming but do not often become. This is not necessarily a good or bad thing. It’s just that Threes work so hard to get their goals and must always be the best at what they do, while Nines…well…we are more like “Sure, that sounds good” but then again, so does curling up on the couch with a fuzzy blanket with the dog. Threes give Nines structure and help Nines get that motivation to go out and get what they want from life. However, Nines balance a Three by giving them a bit more perspective on life. Nines have a way of saying “there’s more to life than this game” that a Three might be able to accept.
Fours- The One Nines Turn to When Life Gets Hard
I’ve often been told that Fours are the rarest Enneagram type to be. However, I have had the pleasure of having two amazing friends that are Fours. I usually talk to them when I want to be reminded of fond memories or when I just want to reminisce. They are so sympathetic and when I just want someone to listen to me and not say “just cheer up already”, Fours are the ones to turn to. In turn, Nines are usually more optimistic, and can help Fours see the bright side of things, while still taking into consideration that Fours might not be ready to move on yet. On the downside, Fours and Nines often have trouble letting go of things, and they might just sit around being upset about that bully from fifth grade instead of doing something more useful. However, I think that Nines and Fours have a lot of common interests and personality traits, and therefore make good companions for each other.
Fives- Another Observer
Fives and Nines often have things in common, especially less social Nines. I personally do not follow the trend of preferring to take a nap over going out with friends, but I can understand a Five’s resistance towards large crowds. One thing that I in particular (and I know other Nines that have this trait) is the ability to notice things quickly about other people. I am 99% sure that my dad is a Five, and whenever we do talk with each other, we are usually discussing random traits that we have noticed in other people that they often don’t even realize about themselves. Fives retain more facts than I do, but Fives and Nines are often quick to figure out things that many may otherwise miss. Fives sometimes do not understand how Nines gravitate towards other people, when Fives generally preferred to be alone, which sometimes bothers Nines. However, by both being quiet, deeper thinkers, they can relate pretty well to each other.
Sixes- The Loyal One That Nines Love
So, I might have a slight bias here since I know SO MANY sixes (it’s the most common type actually) and most of the sixes I know are close friends of mine. And, as I mentioned earlier, I did mistype as Six for a while. Sixes and Nines have quite a bit in common, especially more social Nines. They share anxiety and a deep sense of concern for others. They are friends whose loyalty can be taken for granted. But Sixes are more expressive about their feelings, while Nines hide it behind a calm exterior. However, through these shared traits and similarity when it comes to friendship, they get along pretty well. Nines give Sixes a place to relax and see a positive light while Sixes can be there for Nines when they really need someone and make sure that they are thinking practically. Nines are usually more fearful of conflict, which causes them to merge with others, while Sixes stick firmer to their loyalty for their opinions. But I personally think that Nines and Sixes can balance each other out pretty well.
Sevens- The Energized Version of a Nine
Okay, here me out on this one. It didn’t hit me until recently, but I realized that Sevens are almost a “fast” version of a Nine. Sevens have a lot of energy, while Nines typically do not. Sevens are joyful and excited, while Nines are optimistic as well, but calm. Sevens have to go out and do everything while Nines want to be included, but enjoy staying in. These might seem more like opposites, but Sevens and Nines have a lot of the same desires. They both tend to avoid pain, but generally for different reasons. They both are the “encouraging friend”. Sevens indulge on experiences and things while Nines indulge on rest. I personally think that Sevens and Nines have a wonderful time together. The Seven friends that I have are so much fun, and they make me more energized and excited about things. They help me take risks and encourage me to be myself. Nines often help Sevens feel more content, and are there for them when they need to process things. Fours are good for Sevens because they help them explore the less “friendly” emotions, but I think Nines are good for Sevens too because they can give the type of encouraging responses Sevens want to hear and they don’t dwell on those negative things for longer than necessary.
Eights- A Little Scary, But Good for Nines
We used to have an amazing youth pastor at my church, and she was an Eight. I will admit that when I was younger, I used to be intimidated by her directness and strong presence. But as I got to know her, I started realizing why everyone loved her so much. She was determined to be there for each of the youth and she was fun to be around. She was one of the most devoted people I have ever met. Eights fight for justice, and I think that Nines have an admiration for how Eights are so willing to go after the causes they are passionate about. Eights and Nines are pretty much opposites, but opposites are good for each other because it forces the other to grow. And Nines help Eights realize that they can trust others and be vulnerable, while Eights allow Nines to realize that honesty and confidence are necessary for daily life.
Nines- Instant Connection
Even though I’m a Nine, and I’ve been writing general things about Nines based on those I know, the general things most Nines have in common, and my personal experience, I thought it would be good to write about how this Nine relates to other Nines. First of all, I think it’s an instant connection when one type meets another that’s the same. I have one particularly close Nine friend and we could talk for hours about all the Nine traits we share and how they play out in our daily life. (In fact, we probably have since we are bot so Enneagram obsessed ha-ha) Nines are good for each other because we know what means a lot to us and what we want to have in other people, so we can be that for each other. We also provide a place of comfort and encouragement for each other. However, we also can encourage each other to procrastinate or to blend if it avoids conflict, which can be problems. But I think that Nines in relationships with other Nines definitely have an understanding of each other that other types may not get so quickly.
In Conclusion…
I think that there are definitely certain types that Nines “click with” faster, but that certainly does not mean that Nines should avoid certain types. I believe that any type can get along with each other if we appreciate our differences and understand each other. I hope this article was interesting, and let me know your thoughts on how your type affects how you relate to others!
The Will to Wake Up 