Blog Feed

Still Human

“Never regret being a good person, to the wrong people. Your behavior says everything about you, and their behavior says enough about them.”

Marc and Angel

I think that the greatest disservice you can do to a person is put them on a pedestal and expect them to be perfect.

The best way to destroy something beautiful is by comparing it to something else.

First of all, I just want to say that I don’t know everything, but all I’m trying to do is share what I’ve learned so far in my life and hopefully give you new perspective.

One of the biggest mistakes in my life has been making another person so great in my head that if they ever do anything wrong, I am extremely disappointed.

I’m going to be completely honest with you because that’s the only way to gain trust and credibility. It’s the only way you’re going to believe even a word that I say.

One of the worst things that ever happened to me was partially attributed to the fact that I made someone out to be a person she was not.

We were super close. Growing up, this was probably my most important relationship outside of my relationships with my family. It could be argued that she did things that caused our friendship to fall apart, but the reason they affected me so much was because I saw her out as someone who couldn’t do any wrong. We rarely fought, we were the image of what best friends were supposed to be. In my head, the comparisons were always rolling.

And that leads me to my second point. The greatest disservice you can do to yourself is blame yourself for your mistakes or your lacking in an area of your life.

I think I started resenting her the second I let go of the idea of us being close. She was perfect at everything and I was not. She was beautiful and I was normal. She got the best grades and I was just average. I was not special when I compared myself to her.

But that didn’t mean I was right.

The thing that pulled the comparison over the edge was when she got into the “perfect relationship”. I could fudge over the other things I lacked. I could show her my riding ribbons whenever she mentioned her assortment of accomplishments. I could think about the one time my teacher complimented my work as she complained about an A- in Chemistry on one test (I fought hard to get a B in that class). I would do whatever I could to look halfway decent for the few days we would spend together to feel somewhat comparable. But I couldn’t just create a halfway decent relationship out of thin air.

To make matters worse, I had some other things going on at school that made me feel even more inadequate in comparison to all of her working out relationships. I felt lonely and isolated. I went through my darkest period of time.

And then I found a new group of people to put on a pedestal.

It started out innocently enough. In fact, that was honestly the problem.

I was naive and assumed that because one friend was kind, the rest would be too. But in reality, I was left emptier and lonelier than ever before. And I attribute much of those feelings to the fact that I expected them to be perfect. After all, that was the image they seemed to want to project. I was as nice as I could be to them (albeit a bit shyly), and after they dumped me, I regretted ever trusting them.

Maybe I shouldn’t have trusted them. I definitely shouldn’t have had such high opinions of them. But I should never regret being kind to them.

Going back to the friend I was originally speaking of, for a while I regretted being friends with her at all. But the more I think about it now, with over a year under my belt from the incident, the more I feel grateful that I had that experience.

You heard me. Grateful. I’m grateful because it taught me exactly what that quote said. The moments I will regret the most are the ones where I’m unkind to people, no matter if they were nice to me or not. I know that I have looked weird or naive for being kind to people who have hurt me, but I will always know in my heart that the reason I was being nice after everything was not because I expected them to somehow change. Rather, I was simply realizing that the only way to have a life worth living is having love for others.

The most important part to remember is that you can’t blame yourself for how other people act towards you. You don’t have to blame yourself for your past when it’s time to move on. If someone breaks your trust, it isn’t your fault. If you loved someone that turns on you, it’s not your fault. It’s a reflection of who they truly are inside. The only one who can reflect who you are inside is YOU.

“Let all that you do be done in love.”

1 Corinthians 16:14

Never For Nothing

There once was a story that I heard, a fable of sorts, and it went similarly to this: There was a person who thought that he was having guests over that he wanted to impress, so he cleaned his entire house, something he had not done for quite some time. He spent hours upon hours cleaning, and his house had never looked quite so good. But then the guests cancelled, and only his wise neighbor came by to visit. The man said, “What a waste it was to do all this work for nothing.” The neighbor replied, “What do you mean? Now you finally have a clean house!”

This story came to mind tonight as I thought about all the things I’ve done in my life that I thought had no value. Some of these things may sound familiar to you. Reaching out to a person just to receive nothing back, going out of my comfort zone, starting things that may not always turn out the way I expect.

If you’re waiting for things to go the way you want them to, and that is the only way for them to have value, then I guess you’ll have always been right. There was no point.

But if you see the clean house, the long term effects, the person you became through the process of disappointment, discouragement, and confusion, then everything will have a purpose.

There are so many stories of people who were going through a rough time and one person reached out to them, showed them God’s love, and changed their life forever. I want to be part of a story like that, and you might too. But that person who reached out may not have felt appreciated or the rewards of their work with every person they reached out to. We may only being hearing about the one out of every twenty that was changed. But isn’t that one worth all the rest?

Jesus is so often compared to a shepherd, one that will leave the ninety nine to find just one sheep that’s lost. We should be willing to do that too.

That is one motivator for trying even when things don’t seem to be reaping success. But another is that we may have no idea what the effects are of what we are doing until much later.

I recently heard the true story of a man in Australia who spent every day greeting travelers and spreading God’s love and hospitality. People absolutely loved him. One day, after years of doing this, he was getting older and in the hospital. A teacher had heard about what this man had done and about hundreds of people around the world who had become Christian because of him. He sparked questions and a longing to know what he was talking about in these people. So the teacher flew all the way to Australia to meet this remarkable person. And you know what? After the teacher told the man all about how many lives he had changed, the man began to cry. Despite doing this every single day of his life for so long, he had no idea if even one person had been saved. But he still kept trying. And it was worth it.

Many of us will never know on this side of Heaven whether anything we did for others had the effect we desired. It’s hard to wait, I know. I have often felt discouraged as I poured out my heart for people, doing whatever I thought I could, knowing that it would never be enough to get them what they needed. It’s even worse when the people you care so much about do not seem to always notice your efforts. But I have to have faith that I did the right thing, and if you are or have been in a similar situation, then I hope you do too.

Whether you are wondering if your actions for others was worthwhile or not, you can never have complete peace until you take a look at things from a new perspective. You have to see the clean house rather than the guests that didn’t show up. You have to keep going even if you don’t know if it will ever pay off. You should have the desire to do what God is calling you to do, even if it doesn’t make sense right now. Because it will.

My point is this: it won’t have worth until you believe that it does. What you do with the right heart is never for nothing.

“If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders away, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others on the hills and go out to search for the one that is lost?”

Matthew 18:12

Don’t Ignore What’s Right in Front of You

“Everyone chases after happiness, not noticing that happiness is right at their heels.”

Bertolt Brecht

I think it’s really easy for us to simply miss the complete obvious. I know that I’ve done that before, and I’d consider myself a pretty observant person. I think that the easiest things for us to ignore, though, are the messages that we don’t want to hear.

Let me give you two examples, a funny one and a more serious one.

Say Gerald McHarold (not a real person obviously), the grossest guy at the office, has been giving you boxes of chocolate, saying hi whenever he saw you, and complimenting that ugly sweater you wear to please your grandmother. Well, you definitely don’t want to imagine yourself with Mr. McHarold here, so you pretend and even tell others that he has no interest in you. Yet clearly, as your best friend loves to point out, he clearly has been bitten by the love bug. But you might have tricked yourself so much into believing that he doesn’t like you that you stop noticing the evidence.

Or, you see a friend who you have always relied on suddenly changing. She is quiet, and distant, and she’s even stopped enjoying her favorite things. But you can’t stand the thought of her not being happy or not being there for you, so you ignore the signs that something is wrong. You might ask her if she’s okay, and she lies and says she is, but really, she isn’t. However, you don’t want to disturb this perfect image you have of her, that something could actually be going wrong, so you ignore the signs that you need to take uncomfortable action.

For me, neither of these particular instances prompted me to write this post. It was just a rather direct realization of mine that struck me hard, but has been sticking with me a lot lately.

What we have planned out in our heads may not be what ends up happening. And with a few particular things, God has been showing me that perhaps I have gotten as close as I can, and I will venture no further.

This reminds me of Moses, actually. He thought that he would go to the Promise Land. Come on, he KNEW it! He wouldn’t have traveled 40 years if he didn’t think he would reach there eventually. This could be like that dream job you were hoping for, that dream person you had your eye on, that dream connection with a family member or friend that you have been waiting for. We all have our “Promise Land”.

Yet he didn’t even reach the border.

And sometimes we don’t get what we deeply desire either. The job is given to someone else, our dream person doesn’t notice us, that connection never happens because the other person isn’t ready or can’t resolve their differences.

For Moses, the reason why he didn’t was because of a punishment for disobeying God. But for us, it can be a variety of reasons. Perhaps we didn’t actually do anything wrong, it just wasn’t part of the plan for our lives. But it hurts the same way.

There are so many stories of how people were being saved for something or someone greater. But they mean nothing at the time of the pain.

Moses, however, was given something to keep his hopes up. He was able to take a look at the Promise Land.

Now, for a while, I thought that God was being cruel by doing this, because I felt like it would like seeing your favorite dessert but not getting to eat it. (Only a million times worse, of course!) But over time, I realized that maybe this wasn’t a bad deal after all.

When God gives us a glimpse of what could be, of the greatness He has in store, we are more motivated to try harder. We can have hope that even if this isn’t the person, the job, the relationship…there is still something amazing out there for us.

But if we ignore the signs that we have to move on from our dreams and look to God’s dreams, then we might miss out on the glimpse of hope. We might even miss out on what God is trying to teach us from the heartache or from the potentially “not-what-we-exactly-wanted” outcomes.

It’s really difficult being real with our feelings. Sometimes it’s hard to admit how much disappointment we feel when our plans don’t work out. But if we are vulnerable and honest with God, then He can help us move on faster. He can help us see what we want for the future, and how we can become who we want to be.

All we have to do is stop, take a deep breath, and notice.

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”

Hebrews 11:1

Rusty Faith

A Rusting Flute

About three years ago, I gave up my aspirations of becoming a good flute player. I had started playing the flute in third grade, and continued through freshmen year, and the more I played it, the more I despised it. It wasn’t the actual playing of the flute that annoyed me, but the fact that I felt like everyone was better at playing it in Band than me, and I hated practicing. Anyway, today I pulled it out to practice it, and I probably haven’t cleaned it in at least six months to maybe even a year. I was still stunned though, when I saw the rust and the grime covering it’s used-to-be shiny silver. I was saddened as I thought about how I used to care for this flute and now it was left by the wayside as my passion and time for the flute slowly dwindled away.

However, as I picked it up, after spending a bit of time polishing it, I remembered almost every note as though no time had passed since I last played it. Of course, I definitely did not sound as good as I once had when I had given flute playing the energy and devotion it takes, but I still remembered something.

Thanks for the story…but how does this relate to me??

Well, believe it or not, when I was cleaning my rusting flute, the first thing I thought of was how our faith can become “rusty” when we do not take the time, energy, and devotion it takes to strengthen it.

I have personally had this happen to me before. I’ll complain about how God feels so far away or how I haven’t heard from Him lately, when really, He’s waiting all along. It was me who didn’t take the time to read my Bible, it was me who was “too tired” to pray when I had spent a few hours before bed doing other stuff. So really, is it God’s fault when He feels far away?

I think that sometimes we feel discouraged in our faith, and that causes us to spend less effort “maintaining” it.

For example, I have fallen into the trap of watching those super passionate Christians spreading God’s love around their community, and seeming like they know all the answers, and have a better relationship with God than I do.

The truth: no one can have a “better” relationship with God; God offers us all an equal relationship with Him. Unlike pretty much everyone on the planet, God doesn’t pick favorites. He wants you to get closer to Him; He doesn’t try to make it more difficult than it has to be.

That being said, growing your faith takes time and effort. Both of those can be in short supply in this day and age. However, anything that will bring you closer to the One who loves you and knows you the most, and who helps you become a better person is worth it.

Once you get in the habit of not doing something, it’s even harder going back to it than trying to break a habit in the first place. Just think about it. When you stop exercising, stop reaching out to your friend that you don’t see often, stop your daily journaling…it takes a while and a whole lot of effort going back to it.

But it’s worth it.

You start feeling better about yourself, feeling closer to others, feeling God’s presence again. And those “little things” make all of the difference.

So today, I want you to take intentional time to start or continue a habit of polishing your faith. Start journaling each day, and never stop. Start making intentional prayer time, and never stop. Start doing a Bible study, and continuing to read your Bible after it’s over.

Just do something. And that will make your faith stop rusting and start feeling fresh and new again.

“So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

Isaiah 41:10

Embracing a New Message

I want to say something that definitely came to mind for me yesterday and it’s this: God may not always be telling you the same message for every season of your life.

When you are making a decision, you often think about what has happened in the past, right? You remember that time when God was nudging you to step forward and take action. So, you apply that to this situation, no problem. Sometimes that means that you did the right thing by acting, other times it might not have worked out because God wasn’t telling you to make a move yet. Every situation is different, so you need to listen to see if God is still telling you the same message.

This concept can also come into play when picking what sort of attribute we want to focus on improving, such as trusting God, or being more generous with what we’ve been given.

Here’s an example of what I mean:

Say there is a woman who has been blessed bountifully, and she is a wonderful, God-fearing person. However, she struggles with wanting to share what she has because she fears that she will not have enough for herself. But God uses other people and circumstances to change her mind and over time she is one of the most generous people anyone has known. But once she has improved this much in this area, she should listen for the next thing God is telling her to do. If she does not change once she has grown fully in this area, then she has become too comfortable with her calling.

Our callings need to be a little bit risky, forcing us to take that leap of faith. It doesn’t have to be life-threatening, but it shouldn’t be something that comes naturally to us. Of course, if you naturally love giving, and God is calling you to give money to a family in need, you shouldn’t ignore that call simply because giving is something you love doing. God wants us to be able to enjoy our lives and when we are following His commands. What I’m trying to say is that we shouldn’t expect what God is calling us to do to be easy all the time. We should be looking out for something unexpected that God might be pushing us to do.

Or maybe it’s something not unexpected, but rather something we’ve hidden deep down inside that we have not wanted to work on.

For me, I know that I have focused more on things that I want to work on rather than the things I need to work on. But what made me realize that God was giving me this message was when I thought about what I was asking for from Him on a regular basis: courage. This was something that I have and will always need, but looking over my past journal entries and prayer requests, I realized that perhaps what I need courage for is changing. More importantly, maybe I should be thinking about what areas of my life need more attention.

The word that I keep hearing lately is praise. This surprised me since I have not thought much about how often I praise God or if I do it enough. I don’t usually hold this word to such a high level of importance. But as these verses kept popping up, I realized that praise can truly change everything. Your perspective, your personality even, how you connect with God and others.

You might have spent the last two years working on seeking wise council, trusting God, or doing more with your church. Everything God tells us or God has put in the Bible for us to apply to our daily lives is important and worth listening to. But perhaps step out of the comfort zone or what you are used to hearing from God and start paying attention to the new words or messages He has been telling you.

“Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.”

Psalm 63:3-4

Sharing God’s Love

So, a few days ago, God did something amazing. He inspired me to create this video that I shared, and it had been on my heart to create something like that for so long, and out of the blue, I suddenly found the time and inspiration. I felt fulfilled that I was able to share it, and although I was hesitant about being so vulnerable with people I am not always like that with, I feel like God was trying to use me to say something.

I still wasn’t sure if I did the right thing until I went to bed last night. And then something interesting happened.

I debated about whether or not to share this moment with you, but I think that I should, because I feel like God was trying to send me another message to share.

I was listening to some calming music, and suddenly, I was in this grassy field. It was a beautiful day, the grass was swaying in the breeze, and there was no one around. Now, I have a very vivid imagination, so it was easy for me to feel like I was there, but this time it felt even more real than usual.

Suddenly, I turned around, and there He was. Jesus was standing right there, with open arms. He gave me a hug, and suddenly I felt the most love that I have ever felt before.

One friend of mine once said randomly, “You know, I bet Jesus gives some pretty awesome hugs.” Well, now I definitely think He does.

As I lay there in my bed, I began to cry uncontrollably. I couldn’t remember the last time I had ever felt so much love. It was the most perfect gift I ever could have received. (And just so you know, I don’t cry very much, so it was kind of a big deal)

And Jesus was telling me, “I’m here. I’m waiting for you. I love you.”

And I think I’m supposed to share that message with all of you, too. You are LOVED. Someone is out there, always waiting, always there for you. You have something to look forward to. You can be with the One that loves you the most.

I honestly have no words to describe the type of love I felt. It was like a hug from every single person you love, all at once, but more. Your heart feels full, alive. You feel like maybe tomorrow is worth waking up to. And you know that you are not alone anymore.

I read a quote later today that said, “What comes out of your mouth is what’s in your heart.”

Let there be love flowing from your words. Let your heart receive the kind of love that God has for you, and that people who truly care about you have for you. Remember that NO MATTER WHAT you are a beloved child of God, and there will ALWAYS be arms stretched out, waiting for you, wanting you, ready to embrace you.

So my challenge for you is this: Spread some kind of love to as many people as possible. Maybe post something inspirational, text a friend that’s going through a hard time, text a friend that’s always been there for you, give some special people in your life a hug. You never know how long you’ll have them, but you do know that you can always spread more love.

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.”

1 John 4:7-8

Fear Interrupts Joy

“Worry about tomorrow steals the joy of today.”

Barbara Cameron

New Year, New Post

First of all, welcome back! I hope you all had a fabulous new year’s and a fresh start to 2020.

Second, you’re probably wondering why I decided to include a dog as the “symbol” of this post. My topic is on fear. Trust me, I am not afraid of dogs.

I’m going to return to my earlier series on joy, which I had started but typical Nine style, I got distracted and life got ahead of me, and so I only ended up doing one post. But I’m going to try to be less distracted and NOTICE more about my habits and my surroundings this year (notice is our word of the year at my church for 2020 and I may do a post about that later)…but that’s distracting from the point again!

A Quick Tail 😉

Anyway, I’ll start out with a little story about my dog, Hobi. I wanted to include an image of him, but the computer wouldn’t let me 😦 (he does look a lot like the dog in the picture though!)

He has a heart condition, which causes him to cough quite frequently, often when he is overexerting himself. But lately, I’ve started noticing a pattern. He will be in the middle of having the time of his life, running around with his incredibly slobbery reindeer toy that has its limbs chewed off, and all of a sudden, in the midst of his joyous time, he stops and coughs. He leaves his fun, his toy, and goes away to be by himself to finish coughing.

Now, besides the fact that this makes me quite sad, I was starting to make parallels between this action and how we often allow fear to interrupt our joy. Let me explain further before you leave, thinking that I have just compared you to my scruffy dog.

What’s this got to do with me?

Sometimes, when we get an opportunity, we will run out there head-on and feel free, excited, and full of joy. But then…something stops us. Doubt, other people’s opinions, a sudden realization, an obstacle of some sort. Fear overcomes us and we lose that joy, that passion we had for something important to us. And we can’t let this continue to happen.

As I’m sure you are all aware, there are extremely high levels of depression, hopelessness, and anxiety in the world today. Many blame it on our society of comparison, social media, entertainment, more people = less chances for everyone, etc. While those may be valid reasons, I think a main one is fear. There is so much fear now that we have access to so many resources, the news just a tap away. While it’s good to stay informed, it’s also important to remember that we can’t let fear hold us back from what we are passionate about. When we lose that sense of motivation, we lose a part of ourselves.

Now, you might be tired of me talking about fear, because I do so frequently. But that’s because it’s a large part of my life, and I bet it is or has been of yours too. Now, the average person, especially someone at my church, might see me as a calm, undisturbed, reserved person. (Believe me, I’m not on the inside! I’ve just heard observations…) Well, the truth is, I have a lot of fear about things going wrong, what people think of me, and how the future will play out. I work very hard to mute my fearful side, and often the most that comes out is me sounding a little cautious about certain ideas, or I confirm things repeatedly to make sure that everything is all figured out.

While being prepared is good, allowing fear to hold us back is bad. Now, one might say that worry does not harm us, especially if we don’t release those to the world. I’d beg to differ. Fear deprives us of joy, because instead of enjoying the here and now, we are so focused on what’s might go wrong, that we forget to realize everything that’s gone right.

I’m not saying that we can’t appreciate what’s happened in the past, and we should allow there to be some space for negative emotions to be exposed so that we can process them and move forward. But I’m saying that you can stop worrying about what’s going to happen next. We can continue to pursue that opportunity (if God wills it of course) and maneuver through the rough times in order to come out of the experience a better person. Those things that we fear might actually be what we are thanking God for later in our lives.

My Challenge to You

Tomorrow, the next day, the next week, the next month…(you get the idea), I want you to take the time to write down what you are afraid of. That’s right, I want you to recognize them. I want you to look at them and see if those are practical things for you to be concerned about. And then, I want you to write one thing that has gone well for you for each of the things that you’re afraid of. It might not flow as easily at first, but eventually you will be able to see how God is working through all those things, and that there are still things to have joy about.

In the long term, the next time you hear something that should be a source of joy, I want you to celebrate. It can be anything, something big or something small. Celebrate those victories and forget about the fear for a little while. Trust me, you will feel better about yourself and the situation afterwards.

My call of action to you: live with hope for the future, not fear!

“When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought joy to my soul.”

~Psalm 94:19

Stepping Into a New Year

“For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”

Jeremiah 29:11

As 2019 draws to a close, so does the decade. And with that comes a lot of reflection. Every year, God seems to be sending out a different message to me, and I’m sure others can relate to this.

In 2019, a lot happened in my life. I would even say it was one of the most eventful years of my life. With that comes a lot of new relationships, grief, surprises, fear, excitement, and regret. I have said goodbye to many this year, and I’m sure that a lot of you have had to do the same. I know that as I get older, I will have this happen more and more, but it doesn’t make it any less difficult to have to watch loved ones grieve or be the one grieving yourself. This year has been hard as I have watched many that I care about make decisions that I know will hurt them later on, yet I am not in control of anyone’s life. All I know is that through all of these changes, good and bad memories, God still was trying to teach me something this year. He has also blessed me in numerous ways throughout the year, such as helping me discover my love of public speaking, giving me new people to care about, and giving me the inspiration to start this blog, just to name a few.

God’s Message to Me This Year

I will be the first to say that everyone is on a different journey, and we all are being told different things at different stages of life. But for me, I think that God’s message to me this year that I want you to think about as well is to continue to have hope and know that if I am patient, I will be less discouraged. God will never fail, and He will never stop caring.

What I want to Leave You with in the New Year

For any of you who dealt with loss, heartache, discouragement, or for those of you who had victory, excitement, and joy this year, I want to leave you all with one thing as you step into the new year.

No matter what’s to come, no matter what has happened in the past, you will never be worth any less or have failed the One that cares the most about you.

There are always going to be people who get in your way; who discourage you and tell you that you’ll never be worthy. There are also always going to be people in your life that love you like there is no one else in the world, who will always want to help you, and who are willing to listen to you. Sometimes, it takes seeking out these people, but they will always be there. If you reach out in your time of need, you are much more likely to experience God’s love shown through others.

My word to you this year is hope. Have hope that things will get better, have hope that you are the person you were meant to be and you are still growing, have hope that there is more to come than what you can see right now, have hope that you have been created for a reason. But most of all, have hope that God will fulfill His promises in your life no matter how bleak things look right now. Most of all, don’t get discouraged if this appear to not be going the way you plan. Oftentimes, you will end up grateful that they went the way God wanted them to.

With that said, have a very blessed new year, and I look forward to when we can catch up again!

“Perhaps this is the moment for which you have been created.”

~Esther 4:14

Update from “The Challenge”

“One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.”

Gerard Way

Remember that Challenge…?

So…anyone remember that challenge that I gave about two months ago about going out and doing something that would strengthen who you are? Well…honestly I forgot about it until today when I was going through old posts. But, I realized that I unintentionally did the challenge and that is something that I can share with you! If you did it or “unintentionally” did (haha) then please share your stories with me 🙂

One of My Flaws

I will be the first to say that I have MANY flaws as an individual. One of them would be not doing the things I know I’m supposed to when I know I should and then letting the opportunity pass me by. Another would be not telling people how I feel when I feel it and then inwardly allowing the feelings to grow stronger until I tell them at the wrong time or just too late. These two flaws go hand in hand, and I ended up tackling both of them last weekend.

How I Ended Up Doing “The Challenge”

First one ended up being confronting a person who has been doing things that have caused me to be upset, passive aggressive, and annoyed over the past several years. Yes, that’s a long time to not really say anything even though I gave those “nine-ish” hints. I can safely say that she is mad, but I feel a lot better because I know that I did the right thing. It was hard to say those things because even though I had that people-pleasing side that didn’t want to say things, I also have that inner fire that wants to explode once in a while when the opportunity presents itself. But the thing I’ve learned from repeated experiences like this that it’s just good to go upfront and be gentle but honest. And I’m glad that I was finally honest.

The second was slightly more difficult even though it has shorter lasting consequences. This weekend I was at a pretty emotional event and I saw some people that have been the cause of pain for me, particularly in the past year. I knew that I needed to welcome them to the space though because it was a place where they could grow. But it was so hard, and I knew that my efforts weren’t appreciated. However, I still reached out and did all that I could to be kind and make them feel like how I would’ve wanted to feel. I’m sure that they may hurt me again in the future or that maybe they learned nothing from the experience. But I know that I did what was right, and that’s what’s important. I’m not going to regret what I did.

Takeaways…

The quote talks about watching your life before your eyes and not regretting any of it. I have had my life flash before my eyes– twice. Maybe more. And honestly, there are things that I’m thankful I did and there are things I know I could’ve done better. And after thinking more about this challenge, I know that I am going to strive to take more risks, not worry as much about what others are thinking of me, and work towards becoming more of who God wants me to be, even though that’s hard. But I want all the challenges you either are presented with or give yourself to help you also become the person you were created to be. The worst thing I could wish upon you would be living a life full of regrets. I’m young and I have many already. A person who was and still will remain a hero to me focused his life on living without regrets. And I’m giving you that mission too. Do everything as though you are going to remember it in ten years and like only the One that’s important is watching. You won’t regret it 🙂

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.”

-Joshua 1:9

The Fear of Believing

The presence of fear does not mean you have no faith. Fear visits everyone. But make your fear a visitor and not a resident.

-Max Lucado

I’ll let you in on a little secret. I would never consider myself superstitious. However, there is this weird thing I do when I begin hoping that something will happen or something seems somewhat promising. I will think to myself, “Oh, that will never happen. Don’t count on it or believe.” Then I think that the chances of it happening are more likely than if I had a positive attitude about it. And I’ve begun to realize that this tactic which makes me think that I am safe from the grief of being hopeful about something just to have it fall through by denying the possibility is hurting me more than anything else.

I’ve been thinking more and more about it, and honestly, my mentality that something will have a higher chance of it working out by having a doubtful attitude about it is honestly ridiculous. I would probably work harder to make dreams a reality if I actually believed that they could work out. But more importantly, I’ve let this mentality affect my faith.

I’ve let this lie slip into my head a lot recently: “God doesn’t care about what I’m going through or how I am feeling.” I’m worried that if I believe that God cares, then when bad things happen, God was intentionally allowing those things to happen.

This sentence might make you a bit upset…

The truth is, God IS intentionally allowing these things to happen. To you, to me, to everyone. All that pain, all those confused feelings.

So…then why should we believe?

Because God is using those things to make you a better person. He believes that you are strong enough to fight through the doubts, the insecurities, and the pain. And He believes that those are what will bring you closer to Him.

Frustrated yet?

Honestly, it makes me upset sometimes. I feel like it takes a lot of faith to believe that God is using these rough things for a reason and that He has a plan through it all. Mostly, I wonder why God could ever believe that I would want to be closer to Him after all these hard things happen. But the truth is…I do. It’s because throughout all of these challenges, God is the only One that stays constant, who stays there with you through everything. There are a lot of people who say they will always be there for you who either move away, slowly drift apart, or who were saying it simply because it sounded right.

Have you ever noticed how you feel a lot closer to someone after they have been with you through one of the worst moments of your life? I have, at least. I think that it might not make sense, because those are often the times when you are least like yourself or at least who you want to appear as. But in reality, it’s those people who are the ones that have proven loyalty, trustworthiness, and are putting those things into action now.

That is what God does when he allows rough seasons to hit. God is proving that He will bring you through the times you thought you could never make it out of. He is showing you that He will provide even when you thought nobody cared. He is showing you that people love you, that people need you, and that someday He is going to use you for incredible things.

Are you going to end with “you just gotta have faith”? Because I’ve heard that line before…

No, I’m not going to end with that. I don’t think faith is as simple as those sayings go. Faith means vulnerability. Faith takes bravery. And faith is not something that is easy to come by. But a lie that often revolves around faith is that it is a process in which you have to go at alone. You have to somehow have that “revelation” that makes everything suddenly seem real for you. That might work for 1% of the population (or more, but no one I’ve known…) but for the rest of us, there are other things we can do to grow our faith constantly. One of those things is being surrounded by people who encourage it. Hearing real stories about what God is doing and feeling God’s love from others can definitely strengthen our faith. In addition, spending time getting to know God and journaling to see how prayers are being answered is helpful.

My final word to you

We all have doubts. We all have low seasons. I’m in a low season right now, actually. But that doesn’t mean that we don’t have faith. It just means that we have to work a little harder at being brave enough to believe. Yes, God cares. Yes, God is listening. Yes, God is allowing these things to happen. But it’s for a reason. And yes, you are going to have doubts, even if you are in a season where life couldn’t be better. Sometimes those are the seasons where it’s hardest to believe we even need God. But trust me, after the hard stuff hits again, you’ll remember why. Ultimately, don’t beat down on yourself for doubts. Just remember that it’s all a test, and God is always going to be there waiting for you.

“The LORD waits for you to come to him so he can show you his love and compassion. For the LORD is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for him to help them.”

Isaiah 30:18