The Will to Wake Up

Don’t Question the Timing

“And if everything does not fall into place at the same time and pace, that does not mean that the years you’ve waited have somehow been a waste. Keep planting, sowing, living and knowing that beautiful things take time..and that’s okay.”
Morgan Harper Nichols

“When you start to feel like things should have been better this year, remember the mountains and valleys that got you here. They are not accidents, and those moments weren’t in vain. You are not the same. You have grown, and you are growing. You are breathing, you are living, you are wrapped in endless, boundless grace. And things will get better. There is more to you than yesterday.”
Morgan Harper Nichols

A lot of times, the timing of events doesn’t feel right. We don’t want to wait. We are angry about things being cancelled. We are disappointed because things coincided or were too far apart to make the difference we wanted. Especially now, with so many things disrupted with the virus.

For those Seniors out there, those retiring teachers, those people who planned a big trip…I am truly sorry for you. It’s got to be really hard. It is really hard. It’s hard for all of us in our own unique ways.

But I think there can be blessings behind the timing of events, too. If we are willing to admit to God’s plan instead of our own.

My amazing friend was supposed to come visit for my birthday, and I was super excited about it. But as the stay at home order extends, that didn’t happen, and doesn’t seem to be likely for at least a month or so. However, my birthday was last week, and now I believe it was God’s timing to have us wait on her visit.

On my birthday, my dog passed away and this friend had a painful health issue arise, which is thankfully healed now. However, if those things had happened during the visit, there would’ve been even more stress, and God is making us wait for a time when He will make it better.

God’s plan is always better than ours. Repeat that to yourself. ALWAYS.

That’s really hard to remember. I struggle with it a lot. I am pretty impatient, and I get frustrated easily with God’s pacing. I was really upset with how things worked out with timing last week, actually. But looking back, I understand it was because God wants me to trust Him and see how He is working through everything.

God’s plan never fails. NEVER. And that’s something that should bring a smile and a sigh of relief to you. A lot of things don’t make sense at the time, but if you look back at other times in your life when things didn’t make sense, you may see how God worked it out in the end.

It’s ok to pray and ask God all your questions. He will listen and He will answer. But just remember that sometimes His answer isn’t what you wanted to hear. However, chances are it’s even better.

I know this was a tough read, and I struggle with doubting God, doubting the timing, and being downright angry with God about things not going the way I want.

But I had a conversation with a mentor of mine a few days ago, and she reminded me that we shouldn’t pray for our will, but for God’s will, because in the end, that’s what we should want if we want the best life possible.

I have faith that you are strong enough to get through whatever storms come in your way. But just remember that you don’t have to go through it alone. God brings us through storms to bring us closer to Him and to those who love us.

“He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”
Ecclesiastes 3:11

Always There

This unfortunately isn’t the best photo I have of Hobi, but it’s one of the only ones I could upload on here. And it was cute how he blended in with everything so…

We had to say goodbye to our sweet boy yesterday night. My life changed with him in it and I am forever grateful. It’s taken some time to process everything, and it will take even more. But I just wanted to share some ways that I have grown as a person through Hobi.

Loyalty

To be honest, when I was a kid I used to want a dog that was fancier. Hobi was plump and quiet. But then I realized what an amazing gift I was taking for granted. Hobi was always there for me, no matter how crazy or weird I was. I am certainly not the most interesting person, but Hobi still chose to spend time with me. He would still be super excited every time I got home and would wander in whenever the door was partially closed. Hobi taught me that if you really love someone, you’re going to be there for them through everything, even the stuff that isn’t pretty.

Peace

Hobi is one of the most tranquil dogs I have ever met. He would sleep a lot, hardly ever barked, and had such a gentle soul. As an Enneagram Nine (whoa for an account originally supposed to be about the Enneagram, I haven’t mentioned it in a while haha), peace is one of our core attributes. I think that if Hobi was a person, he would’ve been a Nine. But he knew how to truly rest and feel content, and those are traits a lot of humans forget these days.

Standing Up for Myself

Hobi was almost as stubborn as he was cute, and that meant that if he didn’t like how he was being treated, he would make a point of leaving or doing something to get the person to stop. It’s hard for me to stand up for myself in a kind way, and Hobi was good at never hurting your feelings, but making sure he was getting what he deserved. (And perhaps more since he was a little spoiled, but he deserved it!)

Hospitality

Hobi wasn’t much of a dog- dog, if that’s a thing haha. He loved people and cats, but not other dogs. However, whenever I had anyone over, he would always run to greet them and give them kisses. It didn’t matter their background or if he had met them before, he just loved everyone and made them feel special. Not many people can show impartiality, so I learned a lot from him about how to make people feel wanted and accepted for who they are.

Being There

I was trying to reflect on my favorite memories with Hobi, and although most of my life was spent with him, I realized that we didn’t “do” a lot together. He was always just there. No matter what. When I was lonely, when I was doubting, when I was feeling like the world wasn’t fair. Hobi was there. And he taught me most of all that a good friend is there, quietly not disturbing anything, but pouring out love in the simplest of ways.

I will love you forever, Hobi. Thank you for everything you did to make my life sweet. You taught me so much and I thank God every day for having had you in my life. I hope you are doing well in Heaven and eating lots of steaks! I miss you ❤

“God is our refuge and strength, a helper who is always found in times of trouble. Therefore we will not be afraid, though the earth trembles and the mountains topple into the depths of the seas.”
Psalms 46:1-2

The Three Dollar Tree

Someday, everything will make perfect sense. So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.
John Mayer

“You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decide not to be reduced by them.”
Maya Angelou

We have this tree in our backyard that’s super skinny and used to have barely any leaves. Occasionally we thought it would die because the leaves would turn a burnt color and we wouldn’t have minded terribly since it was only three dollars. But years have passed and now it has grown into a tree that attracts all kinds of birds, with lush leaves and a firm foundation.

A lot of times we feel like the three dollar tree. We feel like our beginnings are what defines us and we feel like giving up. But if we work with what we have and not let our mistakes shape how we present ourselves to the world, then we can grow into a person who brings life to those around us.

It’s easy to feel intimidated by the people who have exciting stories of how they came to faith. Or perhaps it’s the family that has always grown up in the church and seems so strong and stable that cause you to feel insecure. But no matter where you are on your faith journey, you are significant and still growing. No one has reached the end of their growing until they get to Heaven.

In daily life, it can be difficult to see all the wonderful changes and opportunities that are in store for us. It’s easy to look at the day-to-day and feel stuck. I’ve often found myself in that place where I don’t want to be, but I’ve resigned myself to.

But if we look at the bigger picture, we can realize that we don’t have to give up. We don’t have to settle for what’s in front of us. We can realize that we have more in store than what others expect of us.

In times of discouragement, it is vital to remember how loved we are by God and others. If we never forget that, then we can have hope that the same God that planned our lives has an ultimate purpose for us. He isn’t going to settle for some mediocre creation– He’s going to go all out. Because you are special and you were created in a unique way so that you can do something that no one else has done before.

Our only job now is to see what God calls us to do and go for it. Don’t let your fears or insecurities hold you back for the beautiful things that lie ahead.

“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
Isaiah 40:31

Seasons

“What a wonderful thought it is that some of the best days of our lives haven’t happened yet.”

“And whatever you do, don’t look back!”

That line seems to appear in many movies, books, and TV shows, where the protagonist has to choose whether to move on or to look back at a painful past. Usually, the audience knows immediately that the character shouldn’t be swayed by old emotions and memories, and just needs to move on.

But in our own lives, is it really that easy?

Discerning God’s will can be one of the most challenging things we ever do. I know because it’s just as hard for me as it is for you. And if it’s not hard for you, well, teach me your ways!

Sometimes God is calling us out of an old season of our lives into a new one. A fresh one. A beautiful one.

But then that good ol’ past is calling out our names. “Don’t forget about this desire you had! Don’t forget about that missed opportunity!”

Sometimes we do things in life that we really regret. But it’s important to take all you learned from that choice and leave the rest behind. God is constantly calling us into a deeper relationship with Him, and before we can do that, we have to let go of some old baggage.

Despite how obvious choices are presented in the media, we don’t know the future, the ending, or how other people feel. We just have to go with what we believe is right. The past may seem more alluring to some than others, and it can be hard to do the difficult thing that separates our future from our history.

We fear for the future, clutching at every last moment we can have of it. When I was a child, I feared growing up with all I had in me, trying to stay a kid as long as possible. But when that day came and I realized that there was so much I was missing out on, I was ready to move on. God waits patiently for us to make that decision to move on from what we’ve grown comfortable with. God knows our deepest desires and our painful mistakes. But He is willing to use those things for His bigger purposes, if we follow His call.

This saying will always stick with me, no matter what. I tell myself this when something good or bad happens, because it keeps me hopeful.

The best is yet to come.

“The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.”
2 Peter 3:9

What to Think Right Now

“Remember when you once dreamed of being where you are right now.”
-Tom Holland

I was reminded of this powerful quote while going through an old diary. Ironically, I am in a place now where I had only dreamed of being at that time. Not some fantastic location, either physically or mentally. Rather, I’m away from a lot of the stress factors in my life, and perhaps that was what I really needed.

Right now can be a really hard time to be appreciative. I totally get that. I feel the pain of those missing out on their “lasts”, or celebrations that only come once, or just going crazy while being surrounded by the same few people day after day. I know it must be so hard to worry about something we can’t control.

But as I’ve said time and time again, because it can never be said enough, fear is the greatest robber of all. I have talked about how fear steals joy, but fear also deeply damages our relationship with God. It causes us to not do what God wants us to do, and instead view His calling as a disruption in our daily to-do lists.

This virus is a major disruption in our lives. But do we have to let it be?

We could use this time to reach out to others. We could try new things, get more rest, look back on the past to see what God is doing. God isn’t silent during this time, but we can only hear Him if we listen with an open heart. I emphasis open because if we don’t want to hear what He’s saying, or we aren’t prepared to act on it, then what’s the point in listening?

I have a friend, a dear friend of mine who I absolutely love of course, but one thing she does that bothers me is that she often asks me for advice, but already has her own plans in mind. She will repeatedly ask me the same questions and wait around until I just say, “Go along with whatever you wanted.” It annoys me because I feel like she’s not really asking for me to guide her to the right decision, she will just hear the part she wants to hear.

We can so easily fall into the trap of just hearing what we want to hear from God and getting disappointed by the results. Even if God does tell you to do something and it doesn’t go as planned, it doesn’t mean you heard wrong, it just means that God’s plan isn’t going the way you expected. He has something even bigger in store for you.

I hope that you can find at least one thing to feel grateful for during this time. The biggest gift you can give yourself is not throwing a pity party for yourself, but rather feeling hopeful and thankful for your life.

“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever.”
-1 Chronicles 16:34

Encountering Jesus

“This is freedom. This is peace. This is joy in uncertainty. This is a deeply rooted inner-knowing. You are on a daily, grace-filled journey.”
-Morgan Harper Nichols

Happy Easter!

I know that this is probably a bittersweet day for you, as you find joy in the celebration of Jesus’ resurrection, but feel somber not being able to congregate. Before the virus was publicized as how serious it is now, my first hope was that church would be open for Easter. Although it is still disappointing, I believe that there is a lot that can be taken away from having Easter at home this year.

Our Journeys

I often teach Sunday school at my church, and one lesson that I taught a while back was called “Our Journey with Jesus”. The kids were supposed to take a literal journey through different activities that related to Jesus’ life as a child. I often think that our life is one long journey with Jesus, one that takes different paths at times as we figure out what we truly believe.

My pastor this morning mentioned that the Bible does not explicitly say how Mary Magdalene knew it was Jesus once He said her name. It was in an instant that she just knew.

Humans are unique creatures that have to come to their own conclusions in different ways. Our way of recognizing Jesus is so different from even our family members or friends. But it doesn’t mean that one way is better than another.

Our lives are normally so crazy that it’s easy to block out Jesus’ voice. But here in the silence, the stillness, the pause on the daily lives of many, Jesus will find you. Not every moment of finding Jesus is one where we are surrounded by our brothers and sisters in Christ. Not every moment is in some faraway retreat center or foreign country.

It can be here. It can be now. As long as you let Jesus fill you with His love, grace, and abundant mercy, you can have that moment no matter where you are.

I hope this Easter brings you joy and contentment, a sense of peace in this time of great uncertainty. We can still have those emotions that God wants us to have on such a wonderful, miraculous day for celebration.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead.”
1 Peter 1:3

“Jesus said to her, ‘I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live, and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die. Do you believe this?'”
John 11:25-26

A Glimmer of Hope

Holy Saturday, or Easter Eve, isn’t often talked about as much as the other days during Holy Week. I would guess that it was a pretty bleak, depressing day, as the disciples stayed in hiding, Jesus was already in His tomb, the sky was dark and threatening. The day before haunting the minds of the witnesses.

This may be the year that we have the most similar experience to the disciples. We are likely trapped in our homes, afraid, uncertain of the future. We can make the most out of this, though, instead of just dwelling in the moment.

Think about it: if the disciples had known what was in store just the next day, they wouldn’t have been afraid. They would’ve celebrated, maybe even cry tears of joy.

During this difficult time, we don’t know what’s ahead. We don’t know if the numbers will rise tomorrow, if someone we love will be affected tomorrow, if we will get stricter rules tomorrow. You may be feeling hopeless.

But what if we have hope that the number of cases will go down as soon as tomorrow? Perhaps we will be able to see our loved ones sooner than we expect. We may not have to be quarantined for all eternity! 🙂

I could be wrong, but I know that if we keep trying to see how God’s working through everything and trust that there will be better days ahead, then we don’t have to worry or feel discouraged. This virus is completely horrible, as I’m sure you’d agree. But Jesus dying, our leader being striped of His honor and brutally killed, was worse. So if Jesus can turn that event into something life-altering, saving, redeeming, He can do it will this virus too.

How God Brought this Blog out from Difficult Circumstances

On a more personal note, I thought I’d share about why I started this blog. I was not going through one of my most difficult seasons, actually. I was doing something that felt worse– relapsing. I had come out of a season stronger and closer to God through trials and storms. Life was going pretty well. But suddenly, all in one weekend, several major things started going horribly wrong for me, and I felt myself breaking down.

That was many months ago, and looking back I realize that perhaps one of the reasons why those events had to happen is because I needed to start this blog. It’s helped me grow closer to God, and I hope it’s inspired and helped you, too.

I’ve seen God bring good out of pain on many occasions, and I truly believe that God is going to do the same through this too. God is working, it’s just that it’s hard to see it sometimes. It may even take years before we understand why God caused this virus to spread. But I know that if we have hope, we will be able to get through this.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope.”
Romans 15:13

“Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.”
Hebrews 11:1

What is Love?

Definitions of Love

I think that there are almost too many definitions of love out there. A lot of the time people think romantically, which was what automatically came up when I was trying to find an image to go with this post! Just out of curiosity, I looked up several definitions of love. Apparently “true love” is “a strong and lasting affection between spouses or lovers who are in a happy, passionate and fulfilling relationship” (Yourdictionary.com). Other examples were between family and friends, caring about one another, or in terms of couples, having attraction.

None of these definitions satisfy me.

A Different Meaning

I believe that those types of love are important, but if someone remains single their whole life, that does not mean that they haven’t experienced “true love”. If someone loves their relative or friend (not romantically obviously), that does not mean that they aren’t “truly loving” that person.

The perfect example of true love is what Jesus did for us on Good Friday. You are probably rolling your eyes, thinking about how this is the typical “Christian” response. But let me tell you something– it can be the most comforting thing in the world to realize that someone fully human and yet having the power of God was willing to give EVERYTHING up to pay for your poor choices. All because He loves you more than anyone else ever can.

Obviously we can’t love each other as much as Jesus loves us, but we can demonstrate His example of true love.

Of course I’m not telling you to run out in front of a car in the hopes that you’ll prove your love for someone. What I’m saying is that my main issue with the media’s definition of love is that it’s so selfish. We don’t have to give up anything. We are merely looking for someone that makes us feel good.

You need people in your life that reciprocate your love or make you happy, but you also have to be willing to love difficult people. Even those that you love with all your heart may be in situations that cause you to give up something for them. If you’re willing to be selfless, like Jesus, then you are showing true love.

So this Good Friday, think about all that Jesus gave up to be in such a horrific situation, being mocked and betrayed, poked and stabbed, nailed to a wooden cross after this torturing, just for you. All He asks is that you be willing to accept this gift of love and share it with others.

“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.”
1 John 4:7-8

Jesus’ Call to Action

What comes to mind when you think about the Last Supper and Jesus’ time in the garden?

For me, I’ve been trying to give it more thought this year since I’ve had more time to really appreciate Easter now that my regular life has been disrupted, as I’m sure yours has too. In a way, it’s a blessing, because although I miss getting to go to church for Easter and celebrating, it makes me spend more time thinking about what Easter actually means to me.

I’ve been reading through the Easter passages this week, and today I read about what happened on Thursday. Usually I just skim it and think about the overall messages. While I tried to read more in depth this time, some initial thoughts came to mind…

Who Do You Usually Turn to?

One overall message that comes to mind that I think is very important is how Jesus turned to God in his time of trouble because even His closest friends bailed out on Him. I’m sure you’ve have that moment in your life where someone near to you let you down. For me, those have been the most heartbreaking moments of my life. It makes me feel discouraged and as though I can’t trust anyone.

But those are also the moments when I’ve drawn closer to God. In a small group I’m in, we were actually discussing what benefits can come out of hardships, and the one that was often repeated was that our trials cause us to grow nearer to God. He will always be the One waiting for us when we need Him, even when His answer to our pleas is no.

Jesus asked God if there was any way for Him to not have to die on the cross. But He also said “let Your will be done”. We can ask God the tough questions, why things are the way they are, can things change…but we also have to make room for His will to be done. Sometimes, as difficult as it is, God’s answer is that He will be with you, but the suffering isn’t over. That can be hard to come to terms with, since we usually want our faith to feel easy and a way to make our lives better. And it does make our lives better because we always have a reason to feel joyful– God will never leave us.

A New Find in a Familiar Passage

I don’t know if reading this passage about Jesus in the garden with his sleeping disciples showed me different things now that I know about the Enneagram and being a Nine, but I felt compelled to respond to the section where Jesus finds that all of the disciples are asleep for the third time He’s come over to them. He is frustrated and gives them a call to action.

“The hour has come”, or “the time is near”, as different translations put it. He wants them to stop sleeping and start being there for each other.

I think that this is an appropriate call to action for us today. For me personally, it can be hard to get going and actually do something about what’s bothering me. Sometimes I feel called to reach out to difficult people or take on responsibilities that I know I should do but don’t feel like doing.

But the hour is now. The time will never be “perfect”. We need to step up and do our part for Jesus, or else we will be like the disciples, sleeping as their Lord and dearest friend was about to be killed on their behalf. I used to laugh at them and think that they were ridiculous for being able to sleep through such an event. But now I feel shame as I realize that every time I say no or “maybe later” to what God’s calling me to do, I’m acting the same way.

So today, think about what Jesus is calling you to do. Perhaps it’s something you’ve been avoiding, or maybe a new task that has yet to come to mind. Jesus doesn’t want us to sit around, even when we are quarantined. There are many ways for us to reach out to the isolated or spread God’s love through the media. The perfect time to do His will is now.

“Then he returned to the disciples and said to them, ‘Are you still sleeping and resting? Look, the hour has come, and the Son of Man is delivered into the hands of sinners.'”
Matthew 26:45

Trusting God Through Everything

First of all, I’d like to apologize since I was really getting into the groove of posting regularly, just to abruptly stop even though right now is the perfect time to share encouragement (even though I believe every moment is a good time for encouragement), but especially through all of the changes going on in our lives right now with the Coronavirus. People are stressed, worried about catching the virus, losing their jobs, loved-ones getting it, and maybe even how to stay sane while feeling isolated from others.

Before I go on any further, please know that all of you out there are in my prayers. I know that many are going through much severer times than I am right now. I feel very fortunate that my grandparents in Hong Kong are okay, people are trying to do the right thing and stay home to protect others around me, and much of my family is staying employed. However, I know that is not the case for many people, and I am determined to do my part to encourage those who may have hit their rockiest time right now, and if there’s anything I can do for you specifically, let me know.

I recently saw a video from a singer that I follow, and her message was that you can say that you trust someone as much as you want, but you can never truly know if you do until it’s put to the test. You have to have that trust be put into action for it to go into effect.

For example, if your friend claims that you can tell her anything, you won’t really know if you believed that statement until you tell her something personal. Or when a little kid is stuck inside a burning building, he has to demonstrate his trust for his parents by being willing to jump out the window into their arms, knowing that they will catch him.

This virus and all the consequences surrounding it are a test to see if we really trust God.

I have noticed a startling pattern in my life. Often during my hardest times in my relationship with God, the thing that has brought me back has been when I truly had no other option but to trust God, and He’s always been able to pull through. Now, I’m saying this while knowing that a lot of my prayers have not been answered the way I wanted them to. I’m going through some situations with people that are frustrating and some of them have ended up poorly, even if I prayed about them. That doesn’t mean that God isn’t there for me.

I’m also not saying that it’s easy to trust God. It’s been really hard for me lately to trust Him, to be completely honest.

The other day, someone told me that I seemed to have great confidence in my faith. I wish that were true. I am confident that my faith has grown over the years, through difficult circumstances and through kindness poured out from others, or directly from God in the Bible. But you don’t have to be without doubts to trust God. You just have to be willing to not simply think “I trust God”, but to actually apply it in your life. You have to not only pray that God will help you, but stop worrying about it. If you are actively looking for God’s hand in your life, you will find it. That I am sure of.

For all those Disney fans out there, I have to say that one of my all-time favorite scenes is where Aladdin has his hand stretched out to Jasmine and he says, “Do you trust me?” I personally think that this is one of the most romantic scenes in all of the Disney movies I’ve seen because it shows a depth in their relationship and a true conflict that many face in their relationships.

Unlike Jasmine, who barely has any reasons to actually trust Aladdin, we have a multitude of reasons why we should trust God. Take a look at His promises in the Bible. Think about the narrow escapes you’ve made in your own life, or what God’s done in other people’s lives. We have reason to trust God through this difficult time, and others to come.

God is asking you always the same question– “Do you trust me?”

So the question is, are you willing to make the leap of faith to prove your answer?

“But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you.”
Psalm 5:11