When you were growing up, did you ever have that one friend that your parents were worried you’d end up like? Maybe they didn’t follow the rules or they were disrespectful. Your parents didn’t want you to spend too much time with that friend because they didn’t want you to become like them. Whether or not you learned this the hard way, as an adult, you likely know it to be true that the people closest to you are the ones who have the greatest influence over you.
What I bet you didn’t know is that the Bible affirms the decision to be wise and cautious about who you let into your close circle. I’ve been reading through Proverbs recently, and I’ve come across a few key reminders about who to be friends with.
- Don’t get too close to too many people
A man of too many friends comes to ruin,
Proverbs 18:24
But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
This doesn’t mean we should turn away a person who needs a friend necessarily, but it’s a good reminder that physically as humans we don’t have the energy or resources to be a good friend to a lot of people. We can be there for them, pray for them, and show God’s love to them, but we can’t be everybody’s ride-or-die companion. When we allow too many people into our close circles, the filter we place over our friends’ advice and opinions grows weaker. But if we pour a lot into a few deep relationships, we’ll feel encouraged and strengthened in our faith.
2. Seek friends who are honest and loyal
Better is open rebuke
Than love that is concealed.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend,
But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.
Proverbs 27:5-6
Two of the most important qualities in a friend are honesty and loyalty. You know you are close to someone when you can openly share what you think would help them grow as a person and as a friend. And when your friend needs to confront you about something, you don’t feel hurt or betrayed, but rather cared for by their consideration to help you improve too. If all your friends simply flatter you or only remain on the surface level, then perhaps they really aren’t such close friends.
Though honesty may hurt sometimes, you know that a relationship is strong when you can be truly vulnerable and open about everything.
3. A good friend is there through the dark times
A friend loves at all times,
And a brother is born for adversity.
Proverbs 17:17
You may have heard this verse before because it’s so good and widely shared. Expanding on the idea of loyalty, the people in your close circle need to be there for you when you are going through difficult times. But you also have to be willing– actually, wanting– to be there for them even when they aren’t at their best either. That’s why we can’t have too many people in our close circle, because we can’t always be there for everyone all the time. But when you walk through the fire with someone, your relationship will grow stronger.
4. Seek friends who give wise counsel
He who walks with wise men will be wise,
But the companion of fools will suffer harm.
Proverbs 13:20
Your friends should be the ones you can turn to when you need help solving a problem. Now, no one is perfect or gives the best advice every time, but it’s important to be around people who share your morals and who give thought to their answers to your questions. These people who are in the Word, who pray and seek God’s counsel, will be the ones who will help you make the best decisions and will help you grow in maturity and wisdom as well.
5. Last but not least, choose friends who exhibit qualities you want to have
Do not associate with a man given to anger;
Or go with a hot-tempered man,
Or you will learn his ways
And find a snare for yourself.
Proverbs 22:24-25
Iron sharpens iron,
So one man sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:17
Coming full circle here, when you are around people who are critical, angry, and judgemental, you will become like them. Whether it’s your annoyance over their bad habits or how their qualities seem less upsetting the longer you spend with them, the truth is, one of the most important things you can do in life is surrounding yourself with people who mirror God-like qualities. You don’t want to be living in fear of your friends or becoming like them. Rather, you should be in relationships that sharpen you and your faith.
Now, you might be thinking that you should still allow difficult people into your inner circle to help them. But here’s the thing, if you become like them, then you will start harming others. There’s a ripple effect; if you grow close to an angry person and become angry yourself, then the people around you will start being like that too. Of course, you should still be kind and welcoming to difficult people, but you shouldn’t allow them to be big influencers in your life.
Based on what I’ve been saying, you might be frustrated by humans’ ability to become like the people they’re around. But this trait is actually a good thing when it comes to the most important relationship we have: our relationship with Jesus.
You see, the more time you spend with the most amazing friend you have (Jesus), you will become more like Him. And that’s our ultimate goal as believers, right? The more time you spend with Jesus, the more you’ll see that ripple effect of love and compassion pour into the lives of the people around you.
So today, think about who you consider to be your closest friends. Do you share any qualities with them? Do they positively influence you?
And most importantly, spend time with Jesus and thank Him for being our best friend.
Do not be deceived: Bad company corrupts good morals.
1 Corinthians 15:33
The righteous is a guide to his neighbor,
But the way of the wicked leads them astray.
Proverbs 12:26
The Will to Wake Up 