Tag: Unity

The Key to Dealing with Annoying People

Advice for reorienting frustrating relationships.

We’ve all got that person. Maybe several.

The one who pushes our buttons, rubs us the wrong way, and makes us second guess whether or not Jesus really knew what He was talking about when He said we have to love everybody. Surely Jesus hasn’t met this person, right?

I have many “button-pushers” in my life, so I completely understand where you’re at. In fact, trying to be “nice” to these people is something that’s been really hard for me recently.

Many devotionals will tell you to just remember how much Jesus loves them, and you should too. But that’s not really practical, is it?

For me, the thing that helps me deal with irritating people the most is random acts of kindness.

Not “killing them with kindness” in a performative, superficial way that ends up in resentment. Rather, just one simple act as a reminder that they are human and so are you.

Perhaps one act will lead to another and you’ll find yourself a much more patient, generous, and compassionate person. Or maybe it will end at one, but even kind deed can change someone’s life.

We all make mistakes. We won’t get along with everyone. But these tiny things can add up to make big changes in the most difficult of relationships.

The truth is, we really don’t know what’s going on in another person’s life. Maybe this act of kindness will soften their rough edges or improve your relationship. Or maybe it won’t and things will feel the same.

But you won’t ever have to regret showing them God’s love. You will have peace knowing that you did the right thing and someday maybe they’ll see that.

And above all, pray for them. It might not seem like it will make a difference, but I promise you, putting all your difficulties into Jesus’ hands is the best way to find wisdom and grace.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.

James 1:2-3

The Root of Resentment

What if the root cause of anger is really pain?

I could feel myself drifting before I knew why.

We were good friends. The best of friends, even. And yet I was becoming more and more resentful of the “perfect life” I thought she was leading.

Slowly, minor things she’d say would sting deep into my heart. I was *this close* to ending our friendship, if there’s even a way to formally end a friendship. (They say breaking up with a friend is harder than a significant other, and I wholeheartedly agree)

But then a mentor in my life told me something that stopped me dead in my tracks:

“We often resent those who we are lacking something from.”

In that moment, I realized that I wasn’t really mad at my friend. I was hurt because I felt like she didn’t need me anymore. That her life was suddenly better than mine.

And I was wrong.

If you are in that place in a friendship, I encourage you to do one thing. It might seem small (yet difficult, given how you are feeling right now), but it could save your relationship.

Reach out and ask them how they are doing. How they are doing really.

No “I’m fine” or “I’m pretty good”. The full story is the only way to realize that perhaps you have misjudged a few things. Maybe they aren’t living it up while you’re left behind. Maybe they still want you after all and were waiting for you to reach out.

And taking this action will remind both of you why you are friends in the first place: Because you care about each other!

The root cause of anger is not rage or injustice. I believe it is pure pain.

When we are hurt by someone, we don’t want to feel weak or overpowered by them. We want to feel stronger, and anger makes us feel powerful.

You are powerful when you are angry. It isn’t wrong to be angry, but it’s important to not let your anger control you.

Evaluate the situations in which you feel particularly frustrated. Has someone made you feel less than your true worth? Or have you been used in an unfair way that has left you ashamed or desperate?

You aren’t weak for being hurt. You aren’t weak for wanting people to notice you or love you or make you feel like you belong. It’s only human nature.

The truth is, we are unfortunately often unaware of how we affect others. We don’t realize how people long for those fulfillments from us. And it’s not our job to fill everyone’s needs.

But that also means we can’t expect people to define us or make us feel our true worth.

The good news is that we don’t need people to do that, either. We have someone ready and waiting to love us to the fullest extent: God.

God’s love surpasses all pain, disappointment, and despair that has been overpowering your life. You are free from the chains of guilt or betrayal. God will never leave you nor forsake you. God loves you more than words can describe and He’s waiting for you to accept His perfect gift.

So why not take the time today to reach out to God and to that person in your life who you’ve been envious of? You’re bound for a surprise, hopefully one that makes you feel encouraged.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:11

United in Christ

How do our presumptions about others hinder our witness for Christ?

Let me describe someone for you.

There’s a person here on Earth who has faced many trials, yet also many joys. This person breathes the same air as you, watches the sun come up each morning, and the stars as they dot the night sky. They have been created in the image of God and have a divine purpose.

You probably like this person, right? Or at least feel indifferent about them?

That’s because I haven’t really told you anything about this person. You don’t know what they look like, what their beliefs are, or even where they come from. All you can see is this person’s humanity.

Now, what if I told you a few basics about this person? Perhaps if I told you their age or gender, it would elicit a few new perceptions about them. If I said they are five, you might smile. If I said this person is a man, you might picture someone who has either hurt you or brought you great joy.

With only a few basic characteristics, not even about the person itself, you already have assumptions about who they are.

Let’s dive even further. Say this person has spiky pink hair and several visible tattoos. Or maybe they wear torn, dirty clothes and no shoes. Maybe they have on a crisp business suit and sparkling blue eyes. Your mind is swirling with opinions about person, perhaps even an imaginary backstory.

And I haven’t given you a single detail of their personality or lifestyle or beliefs.

Imagine if I told you this person has the opposite political beliefs as you? Or maybe that they disagree with your faith or have a career you don’t respect?

Chances are, at least one of the qualities I’ve listed above would be a turn-off for you. And I don’t blame you, it’s part of our human nature to judge others.

But does that make it right?

Every single human being, regardless of their appearance, personality, or beliefs, has one thing in common: they are made in the image of God.

Going further, within the body of Christ, we have even more in common. We are united through the Holy Spirit. But what does that mean going forward?

First of all, it means that we don’t have an excuse to judge others, especially other Christians, without knowing the full story. Sure, we can’t help our subconscious thoughts, but we can take those thoughts captive and not allow them to influence our care and concern for others.

What if we saw everyone–regardless of their beliefs, the issues we disagree with them on, or anything that normally defines a person for us–as a fellow human being? What if we thought of everyone the way we did in my first description?

Think back to how you imagined that person. Another person like you with an extraordinary purpose too.

And what if that mindset influences the way you treat the people around you? That can only bring about beauty, I’m sure of it.

That is what it takes to foster intentional, compassionate community, and bring the love of Jesus on Earth. It takes seeing people as real, honest human beings.

I’ll leave you with one final story.

Last year, I asked a friend to pray for someone in my Bible study dealing with a difficult diagnosis. Unknown to either of them, they held the opposite political views as each other. All my friend knew about the person she was praying for was that she had pressing needs, also believed in Jesus, and deserved prayer.

I can’t help but wonder if her prayers wouldn’t have been as earnest and her concern so genuine if she knew of their differences. Would the person in need be any less deserving of prayer?

How often do we allow our disagreements and differences come before our call as followers of Christ? Our call to love everyone–yes, even the haters, the unjust, the ungodly–and present the truth of the gospel to the world. We all have the capability of being that way, even if we don’t want to admit it.

Yet Jesus saw us all as deserving of salvation and more importantly, His love. The least we can do is treat others as deserving too.

And trust me, this new mindset can make all the difference in the world. ❤

My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.

Colossians 2:2-3

Intentional Community

How do you feel after spending time with those in your community?

Have you ever gotten home from a social event (or turned your computer off after an online one) and felt instantly drained? Or perhaps you were left feeling elated, wanting to share the love you experienced with someone else?

Community is a tricky thing. We were all created for community, yet because of our broken world, we don’t often get “community” right. Sometimes, when we are told that we should be part of a community, we choose to stay around people who make us feel bad about ourselves or drained our energy. However, that’s not the kind of community God intended for us.

The scripture often used to support the idea of God creating us for community is from Genesis, when God created Eve to take care of the Earth with Adam. When Adam first meets Eve, he is so excited that he verbal rejoices.

This is now bone of my bones

    and flesh of my flesh.

Genesis 2:23

Adam declares that Eve is just like him. In fact, their humanity is what connects them. Even after the fall, we are still connected to one another. However, we have to be more intentional about honoring that truth.

God created community so that we can worship Him together and reflect His love to one another. Ideally, any group of people would be able to feel refreshed and rejuvenated after spending time together. However, sadly that is not the case, which means not only do we need to be intentional about loving each other, we also have to be intentional about what communities we join.

Have you ever spent so much time with someone that you begin to become more like them? I realized the other day that the voice in my head often sounds like whoever I am spending the most time with! A little scary to think about sometimes…

Even the way we see ourselves reflects who we are around. When we are with encouraging people, we will feel more confident. If we are with negative people, we may experience more stress and irritation with the world.

When you are trying to figure out whether or not you should stay in a community, let God’s Spirit speak to you through your feelings. After spending time with them, are you feeling more alive, more affirmed in how God sees you? Or are you feeling discouraged and drained, used even?

God wants us to be loving to everyone, including the people who make us feel frustrated. However, we can love difficult people from afar. Sometimes God does call us to spend a lot of time with difficult people, and if that’s the case, it’s important to also surround yourself with healthy people. But God would never want you to force yourself to stay in a relationship that hurts you or others.

Today, if you are part of a community that reflects the characteristics of God, thank God and reach out to these people to show your appreciation. If you are not part of a community, ask God to show you who you should connect with in order to fill that void in your life.

You belong, regardless of what others have made you believe in the past. You deserve to be surrounded by people who see you the way God sees you: chosen, loved, and made in His image.

So God created mankind in his own image,

    in the image of God he created them.

Genesis 1:27

Days Like Today

Today has been hard.

Recently I started a Bible study about spiritual warfare. The enemy knows our weaknesses so well. But when we are attacked more, we are tricked into believing that we are not being effective. That our presence does not matter. That we are weak.

The opposite is true. When we are attacked, the enemy sees us as a threat. We are doing good work.

But when we believe the lies, we are silenced.

One weakness of mine is the fear of driving. I had a bit of anxiety this morning because I needed to drive myself farther than I have in a while. I get after myself for being upset because it’s been a year since my car accident, and I don’t like fear holding me back.

I have incredibly vivid dreams, and sometimes they come true. This is more of a curse than a blessing a lot of the time, because I’ve had a lot of sleeping issues due to these incredibly realistic nightmares. Last night, to add to the anxiety already building, I had a terrible nightmare about getting into a car accident again.

I had these reoccurring nightmares for months, but they hadn’t resurfaced again until recently. I hate feeling weak. I hate feeling out of control. I hate feeling useless and set back.

I had the opportunity to go to an amazing event today. My church, along with several others, held a March for Surrender in honor of Juneteenth and to support our beloved Black brothers and sisters.

God surely wanted to use this event to draw people closer to Him. God wanted everyone there. God wanted me there.

But the enemy pulled out two weaknesses this time.

I’ve had some difficulties in my family lately, and that’s been weighing heavily on my heart. Today all those feelings seemed to explode while I was at the event.

In addition, I struggle with comparison and allowing others to define my worth. The entire point of the event was to support one another and affirm our value and differences. But I felt a lot of strong emotions that greatly hurt me in the past, like loneliness and worthlessness, and suddenly I was overwhelmed.

The speakers proclaimed the truth about how we need to take action. We cannot sit idly by and ignore the injustices in our world. We need to look beyond ourselves and stand up for those who have been forced down.

But the enemy was trying to get me to only focus on myself and my insecurities.

You may have had a day like today recently. You may feel misunderstood.

I have been told so many times by the enemy that I have no future. That I have no purpose. That I am meaningless. That my presence does not matter.

You may be feeling those things right now.

But I’m here to tell you that God has a wonderful future in store for you. God has an incredible purpose that only you can fulfill. You have meaning. You matter. You are needed.

Days like today come and go. Sometimes we just suffer through them silently. Other times we come to God or to other people.

 I could’ve let today be wasted. But I’m not going to let the enemy win. I’m going to use today to draw closer to God. I’m going to use today to empathize with others who are struggling to remember their value. I’m going to use today to empower myself and others to fight for justice. I’m not going to let today be focused on me. I’m not going to let today belittle the very real problems that others are facing that I need to be focused on helping resolve. I’m not going to waste today.

I know I’m not the most popular blogger, writer, photographer, person. Most people don’t even know my name. Hardly anyone knows my story. But if even one life is touched because of what I’ve put out there, then I will be fulfilled.

I pray for everyone who reads my words. Now I’m asking you to also pray for me. Prayer is the most powerful weapon. Pray against all the enemy is trying to do to attack God’s people. More than anything, we need to unify and defend our brothers and sisters in Christ.

We are strong.