self care – The Will to Wake Up

Behind You, Beside You, Before You

Is your calling from God difficult to understand?

I’ve always seen the value in honesty, and while this blog is dedicated to encouragement, I need to be real with you about my struggles as well as my joys and past lessons learned. It’s really easy finding the morals in the stories that are so far off, they no longer feel like real life, but merely distant history. But perhaps, as we journey together, we can find hope within the current hardships.

Over the past four months, I have really struggled with my mental health. At first, it was related to triggering events over the summer that left me feeling hopeless. I was looking forward to college as an escape from the issues burdening me over the summer. However, college was definitely not what I thought it would be at all.

I want to highlight that I have made many incredible friends who have truly shown God’s love to me and I would never want to undermine the impact they, as well as understanding professors, have lent me during this time.

Yet many of the things I had eagerly anticipated fell through the cracks. A certain friendship that I had hoped would bring joy and encouragement ended up causing me to experience anxiety attacks and many sleepless nights. I began to feel unsafe, unsure of what to do from here.

Lately, I’ve been reading through the book of Isaiah, which I shared on a previous post. I always associate Isaiah with the idea of being “sent” by God.

I love the verse, “Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, “Whom shall I send? And who will go for us?” And I said, “Here am I. Send me!” (Isaiah 6:8)

I believe that we all have a calling and that God wants to work through whoever is willing. But what I have struggled to comprehend is the fact that God does not always send us to places where we feel fulfilled or loved or worthy. God does not always send us to people who want to embrace us and accept the gifts we bring.

For Isaiah, his calling was incredibly unpleasant. He had to warn the people of the impending destruction of their entire way of life. No one would like him after that. No one would want to listen to him either.

However, Isaiah was willing, and God worked through him to bring forth many miracles.

Later on, Isaiah is given another message, the exciting news of the promised Messiah! But it took sharing the bad news before Isaiah could share the good news.

Not every single one of your callings will be uncomfortable. We can have hope in that. God will never leave us stranded.

As I’ve been trying to comprehend why the past few months have felt like a never-ending rollercoaster of surprising misfortunes, I came across this verse in Isaiah chapter 8: “Devise a plan; it will fail. Make a prediction; it will not happen. For God is with us.” (Isaiah 8:10)

One of my biggest reasons for feeling discouraged during this season is because so many of the things I truly believed would be huge blessings have ended up exactly the opposite of what I had anticipated. Yet this verse tells us that we can find hope when our plans and predictions don’t follow through. God’s presence is enough to make all things right and sustain us when we feel like we can’t take another step step further.

Later on in this passage, God instructs Isaiah to tell the people to not fear what the world fears. The world fears an effaced reputation, a loss in self-confidence, and ultimate desolation. But we know that our strength, our confidence, our identity, and our future is in God’s hands. We have nothing to fear.

Today, let God’s words to you resonate in your soul. God loves you so much and His plan is far greater than any battle you are fighting. He will go above you, before you, behind you, and beside you. ❤

I will wait for the Lord,
who is hiding His face from the house of Jacob.
I will wait for Him.
Isaiah 8:17

One Step at a Time

Are you overwhelmed by the chaos of life?

First of all, can I just say how excited I am to be writing an Encouragement Thursday article this week? I have taken a break from them since moving and starting classes, but they bring me so much joy, especially when I get to hear how they’ve encouraged you.

You are the reason why I keep writing! (Apart from God’s calling of course ;)) So I’m very thankful to be able to be part of this community alongside you.

Anyway, back to the regularly scheduled program, the reason you originally clicked on this article! 🙂

What words come to mind when you think about fall? I think about the colorful leaves, the changing seasons, and the busyness that comes with all these changes.

When things get busy, it’s easy to get stuck in our heads. We get so focused on our goals and all the things we want to be or do and haven’t achieved yet. We forget to look around at the bright autumn leaves or feel the soothing drops of rain against our faces. When our fingers are wrapped around our dreams too tightly, we miss out on living in the present. In our minds, we are already in the future.

But living in future isn’t real, is it? This future that we’ve created for ourselves hasn’t happened. It may never happen. We get all stressed out about it, but it isn’t here yet.

And when we are so set on one idea of what our life is supposed to look like, we begin to lose our true passion and desire for it. It feels obligatory; do we really want this future or did we predestine it for ourselves?

Well, I have some good news. We can’t predestine anything. God is the One who has prepared the path ahead of us and when we listen to Him, our lives will begin to feel purposeful again.

Sometimes, we don’t take a break because we are avoiding something. Maybe we don’t feel ready to say goodbye so we bury ourselves in our work instead. Or perhaps we don’t want to accept that things are different, so we focus our energy on incorporating the past into the future.

We don’t want to feel weak, and for some strange reason, resting is seen as a weakness in our culture.

But here’s the thing: Jesus even demonstrated the need for rest.

I know you’re probably expecting me to bring up the 7th day of creation, but I actually found a new story that has resonated deeper with me on the subject of rest and processing grief.

Jesus was very close to his cousin, John the Baptist. John was the one preaching about Jesus, after all. Surely the tight-knit relationship between their mothers affected their bond as well. So when Jesus found out about his loved one dying a brutal death, it weighted heavily on Him.

I’ve heard the gruesome story of John’s death many times, but I never paid attention to Jesus’ response until rereading the story last night.

Here it is according to the gospel of Matthew:

When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place.
Matthew 14:13

Read that again. What did Jesus do? He withdrew privately to a solitary place. Jesus knew His limits. He knew that He needed to take the time to process His grief. He was aware of the need for rest and encourages us to follow in His footsteps.

And what did that rest do for Him?

When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick.
Matthew 14:14

That’s right! It strengthened Him enough to continue healing others and even feed the five thousand later on in the passage.

When we are just going, going, going, we miss out on the opportunity to present our best selves. We can’t fully pour into others without first pouring into ourselves. The way to pour into ourselves is drinking the living water Jesus provides. Reading the Bible, praying, listening to encouraging music, journaling, participating in a life-giving hobby or activity…the list could go on. Simply being present no matter where you’re at.

I often struggle with wanting to go full-speed ahead into things…which leads to immediate burn out. Once things don’t happen at the speed I want them to, I get discouraged and question my calling and abilities. God doesn’t want us to do that. Instead, He wants us to be present where He’s calling us in the moment. Not in the future, because the future will come soon enough, but right where He wants us now.

Each day you are taking one step closer to where God wants you to be. But those steps don’t have to be giant leaps. They can be little, itty bitty steps. And that’s okay. In fact, that’s amazing. Just take life one step at a time, and it will begin to feel less overwhelming.

But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever,
the purposes of his heart through all generations.
Psalm 33:11

Take a Deep Breath

Have you been feeling burned out lately? Here is an invitation to rest and invite God’s peace to fill your troubled heart today.

Do you ever just feel…burned out?

Maybe everything is crumbling around you. Perhaps you have had an increased workload or a new person is in your life who demands a lot of your attention and energy. Or maybe things are just…normal?

Honestly, don’t feel bad if normal is exhausting. Especially now, life still amidst a pandemic, living in a world full of brokenness and selfishness and division.

But maybe that isn’t the whole world. Maybe, despite things feeling as though they are getting worse, there is still room for gentleness.

Last weekend was particularly rough for me. I won’t go into detail, but I witnessed the reality of our broken world. I felt powerless as people in need surrounded me and all I could do was take care of my own safety. And even then, I couldn’t protect a friend when she was harassed by a stranger. As I turned left and right, I saw how truly divided we have become. We think we’ve made progress in loving others and cultivating peace, but have we really? This weekend has planted an image in my mind of what Jesus meant when He described the evil we will face in the world.

Perhaps you’ve experienced something similar lately, a fresh slap of reality right in the face. It hurts, doesn’t it?

When you get hurt, it isn’t usually the initial contact that stings the most. It’s the sharpness that penetrates through your body until it’s all you can think about. It resonates deeply within you, leaving a lasting imprint. A scar that symbolizes a point in your journey.

But that is what it is–a point. It’s not the beginning, it’s not the end. It’s not the whole story. Your life has scars and it will get more scars as you keep going. But with every scar comes the rebuilding of skin, a healing process.

Though the healing process brings revival and joy back into your life, it doesn’t always feel beneficial at first. Be gentle with yourself as you take a look at what is causing the pain in your life. Change is hard and it’s important to just take it one step at a time.

Close your eyes for a moment and take a deep breath. Recently, I’ve seen the value of breath prayers, aligning your heart with God’s through a few simple words and actions. When you inhale, you will pray a few words. As you exhale, you will finish the prayer.

Pray with me:

Inhale: Jesus, my Protector

Exhale: Fill me with Your peace.

Allow yourself to feel the meaning of these words. Jesus offers us unexplainable, never ending peace with Him. No matter what’s going on, you can rest in His faithfulness.

But in my distress I cried out to the LORD; yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry to him reached his ears.
Psalm 18:6

Never worry about anything. Instead, in every situation let your petitions be made known to God through prayers and requests, with thanksgiving. Then God’s peace, which goes far beyond anything we can imagine, will guard your hearts and minds in union with the Messiah Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7

What Does “Casting My Cares” Really Look Like?

Are you feeling stressed out and you’re unsure how to find the peace Jesus offers? Here is some advice and encouragement.

I’m sure you’ve all heard the phrase (which stems from a verse), “Cast your cares on Jesus because He cares for you”. This verse can be incredibly reassuring, especially when we are dealing with anxious thoughts or troubled hearts. While this verse alone is completely true, we often miss out on a key part of the passage.

These two verses go, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your cares on him because he cares for you” (1 Peter 5:6-7). How can we fully cast our cares on Jesus? By being humble.

Now, it might be hard to see how these two things correlate. But the truth is, when we stop caring so much about whether or not we are pleasing others, being successful in the world’s eyes, or needing to be the best, a lot of our anxieties disappear.

Think about it. What’s been really stressing you out recently?

If it’s the division in our world, then humility is the answer. When we take a moment to be humble rather than shove our ideas and opinions in others’ faces, we can come together, despite our different convictions. Being a good listener takes humility, but isn’t unity worth it?

If it’s feeling upset by an argument, then perhaps the solution to your distress would be humbly apologizing or at least being willing to take the first step in mending the relationship. Even if it isn’t your fault, being the one to initiate reconciliation can bring you both deeper healing.

If it’s experiencing difficulty obtaining a goal, then ask yourself why you have this goal. Is it to “get ahead” in life, so that you can please others? Allow yourself to be immersed in God’s love for you instead and remember that He sees you as enough just by being who you are.

I’m sure there are countless other things you are stressing over, but as you list them down, think about whether or not you’d still be stressed about it if you didn’t care so much about your reputation. Does being right really matter that much? Does being in a higher status truly define your worth? I don’t think so.

Jesus offers us everything we could ever need. However, He does require us to do some work too. We have to be willing to be humble, like Jesus, in order to begin seeing change in our lives. We certainly don’t need to be perfect at humility, but Jesus honors our efforts, regardless of how others may react to them.

Today, allow yourself to be vulnerable and open minded to what others around you say. Remember that no matter how others treat you, Jesus loves you fully and intentionally. Once you let go of the belief that your worth depends on who others say you are, you will finally find peace.

Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.
1 Peter 3:8

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. ⁷Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
1 Peter 5:6-7

God Cares

It’s easier to believe that God cares about our “big” needs, but does He really care about the little things that matter to us?

With every change in season comes a change in perspective. Though our seasons in life don’t always coincide with the annual seasons, there often is a change in our way of life as the weather grows chillier and bright yellow buses begin barreling their way down the road. And as summer is coming to an end, I’ve desperately tried to think of some sort of profound thing to share from this past season because God has taught me so much. But I suppose it all comes down to this: God cares.

Now, I know what you might be thinking. God cares? Sure, about the big stuff, like saving us from death and taking care of our needs. But when I say God cares, I mean He cares about everything. I’m talking the big stuff, the small stuff, and everything in between. The stuff we don’t even admit matter deeply to us.

I’m currently in a season of transition, and over the past week, I’ve had to say a lot of goodbyes. To be honest, though I am excited about what’s ahead, it deeply saddens me to say goodbye to people. Though the old proverb goes, “When one door closes, another one opens”, it still hurts when the door closes.

Anyway, two things that mattered a lot to me were finding closure and making sure I said goodbye to everyone I particularly care about. Though I didn’t even express these desires through prayer, God gave me three unexpected opportunities to say goodbye to the kids I taught, a friend, and even a special opportunity to honor those (both the two-legged and the four-legged) at the barn where I worked. Those seemingly small things meant the world to me and reminded me that even when life feels like it’s overlooking you, God never overlooks any of your needs.

I’m sure you’ve been in a group of people who haven’t made you feel heard. Perhaps they avoided making eye-contact with you when you spoke or interrupted you repeatedly. Or maybe you’ve felt overlooked when a close friend forgot your birthday or an anniversary that mattered a lot to you.

The truth is, people let us down. They let us down all the time. And that’s why they can’t be the sole source of our joy and contentment. However, even when life doesn’t go your way, God has a bigger plan for you and in the end, He will never let you down.

People come and go, but God is faithful. He will never leave you nor forsake you. You have probably heard those words a thousand times, but let them really sink in. God will never leave you. You are never alone. And your cares, your concerns, and your desires never burden God.

You are loved far beyond your imagination. Never lose hope in that truth. God will take care of you because you mean everything to Him ❤

As high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him. As far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us. Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.
Psalm 103:11-13

I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me and heard my cry. He brought me up out of the pit of destruction, out of the miry clay, and He set my feet upon a rock making my footsteps firm. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God; many will see and fear and will trust in the Lord.
Psalm 40:1-3

Also, just a site note! Due to all the transitions going on, I will be temporarily putting “Encouragement Thursdays” on pause. However, I will certainly be updating this site and I look forward to hopefully sending you more encouragement! ❤

When the Burden Feels Heavy

Jesus promises that the burden of being a Christian is light. However, in a world full of so much darkness and pain, showing God’s love can feel anything but easy. So how can we move forward when being a Christian isn’t comfortable?

I’ve often been stumped by this verse, Matthew 11:30, “For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” In context, these words are spoken by Jesus, when He is encouraging His disciples. Not only does Jesus promise to give us an “easy” workload and a “light” burden, He says, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.”

Now, I don’t know about you, but these verses hit different these days. Our world is going through a lot. We’re going through a lot. A lot of heavy, difficult, and painful things. So when Jesus tells us to come to Him and find rest, it’s an irresistible offer.

Nothing about this verse is confusing when it’s simply words on a page. Hearing about how delightful and refreshing being a Christian is sounds great, right? But then, when we’re on the battlefield for our faith, literally and figuratively, we begin to doubt the validity of these words. Is Jesus really right? If He is, then why is being a Christian so complicated?

Well…we make it complicated. We as in humanity as a whole. You see, my friends, Jesus is not telling us that life will be easy once we become Christian. In fact, these words are spoken in the same chapter as when Jesus’ own cousin, John the Baptist, is in prison. Jesus knows fully that John will be beheaded for his faith, and He also knows that most of the disciples He’s comforting will be persecuted and even killed because of their alliance to Him.

Jesus is no dummy. He knows exactly who He’s talking to, the incredible hardships they will face, and ultimately the end of everyone’s story. He isn’t saying these words to make light of difficulties or to give them false hope. Rather, He is reminding them that their faith gives them reason to always have peace, joy, and hope.

And how, you may ask, can we possibly have peace, joy, and hope during seasons of immense pain and fear? Well, because we can experience the kind of love that casts out all fear, pain, and guilt on a daily basis. Each day, when we spend time with God, we can allow His steady presence to give us rest. Even greater than that, as Christians, we have the Holy Spirit–literally God!–living inside us. To clear up any confusion, this does NOT mean we are God. Rather, it means that God wants to be with us so much, He has chosen to live inside of us so that He will be with us always.

Some of the sweetest words to hear are “I miss you”. God went one step farther than saying “I miss you”. Rather, He realized that He’d miss us so much if He wasn’t with us 24/7, He made a way for us to be together always. He’s with you on the cold, dark nights. He’s with you during scary walks alone. He’s with you when you’re facing your giants, your triggers, and your greatest fears. He’s with you through it all.

Sometimes, though, this burden that gets placed on us as Christians can feel really heavy. We are called to care about everyone, especially those hurting. When we see news headlines of people being persecuted or children being harmed or rights being taken away, we may start to panic. When we are walking alongside someone going through indescribable heartache, we may feel drained as we absorb their pain. How can this burden possibly feel light?

Earlier this year, God placed someone in my life who I knew was directly from God. I didn’t know what this person was going through when we first got connected, yet I knew God wanted me to be especially intentional in my friendship with him. Over time, I started to learn what he was going through, and I did everything I could to be there for him. At first, I felt truly honored to be chosen to be a prayer warrior and friend to him. But after a while, things started to get increasingly difficult. I lost my enthusiasm for doing God’s will in this relationship, mostly because the “next right step” seemed less clear than before. When not hearing answers right away or knowing whether or not my efforts were appreciated, I struggled to keep my hope in God. Yet I knew I had to keep going, because the burden this person was carrying was too heavy for him to carry alone.

You may be in a similar situation right now, where you aren’t sure how God is using you, but you are feeling overloaded by another person’s burden. This work of God felt exciting for a time, but now merely feels heavy. You want to be motivated to do God’s work, yet it gets draining after a while. You may be called out of your comfort zone or faced with opposition, and you aren’t sure what to do next. This burden is anything but light.

As I’ve pondered these verses over and over again, a new revelation has come upon me. We, as Christians, cannot make the burden light on our own. Rather, the key to not feeling burned out by what we’re called to do is following Jesus’ example. Jesus actually says this quite clearly in these verses by reminding us of the importance of rest and seeing how gentle and humble His heart is.

You see, burdens often feel heavy when they require us to go out on a limb for someone. When we get embarrassed or when we must sacrifice something, we start wondering where the exit is. And when we pour everything into a situation or relationship, we don’t take the time to rest and spend time with God, we get tired. Jesus, despite coming here to save the entire world, took time to rest. He took time to be with His Father. He made sure to build that into His schedule.

There isn’t a single verse in the Bible that says Jesus was embarrassed. Yet Jesus is the literal definition of humility. He washed people’s feet. He dined with the “scum of civilization”. He chatted with people labeled as “extreme sinners”. Jesus went above and beyond the call of duty. He demonstrated true love.

And when we follow Jesus’ example, our hearts become more and more like His. We are no longer embarrassed by seemingly odd things God calls us to do. We are no longer afraid to reach out and be there for people who may not expect our help. We can feel free to be exactly who God wants us to be while still having time to rest and take care of ourselves as well.

Today, your heart might feel extremely heavy. Perhaps you just received news of a friend dealing with a tragic loss. Maybe your loved one is struggling with a problem so big, the best thing you can do is pray. Or possibly the person experiencing pain is you. Maybe the burden has been placed directly on your shoulders and you’re searching for God’s peace and comfort.

I want you to read Jesus’ words and feel comforted by them. Realize that when we allow Jesus to carry the burden alongside us, the burden is light. When we see every call to help someone as an opportunity rather than an irritating interruption, the work will feel easy. We aren’t called to stay in our comfort zones. Rather, we’re called to be comforted by Jesus as we walk through the fire together.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”
Matthew 11:28-30

I will come down and speak with you there, and I will take some of the power of the Spirit that is on you and put it on them. They will share the burden of the people with you so that you will not have to carry it alone.
Numbers 11:17

The Lord replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
Exodus 33:14

Our Need for Light

We will grow from all our experiences, but how can we make sure that growth produces good things?

I’ve had my fair share of experiences with mold, my most recent involving my electric toothbrush. There’s a little divot in the plastic where the bottom of the toothbrush rests when I’m not using it, and over time, the darkness and the dampness in that spot has created an orangish gook (yes, I’m definitely using the technical terms here). I must say, it’s rather disconcerting seeing this gook on the bottom of the instrument that’s meant to clean my mouth. When the gook first appeared, I wiped it and it went away. But the lazier I got about cleaning it, the worse the gook became.

None of us would want to be compared to mold. Come on, it’s disgusting, a super nauseating color, and such an odd, disturbing texture. Yet sometimes, the fruit from our lives takes the form of mold rather than beautiful flowers or delicious fruit.

You may be wondering what I mean by the “fruit of our lives”. Well, Jesus actually uses fruit when describing how people will know we are Christians. He says, “By their fruits, you will know them.” (Matthew 7:20) Our fruits are essentially our legacy. Are we helping others? Are we making a difference? It doesn’t have to be changing the whole world, but are we at least making a difference in the lives of people around us? Are we known for being kind, generous, and patient? What kinds of fruits are we producing through our growth?

Growth. There’s the key word. The only way any fruit can be produced is when we grow. Now, God can certainly work through pleasant situations as well as painful ones, but if you look back on your life, you can probably see how memorable the painful lessons were. It was when you were lonely that God revealed you are never alone. It was when you were grieving that the verse “And Jesus wept” suddenly meant something to you as you realized that Jesus was crying alongside you. It was when you were broken that you searched for healing from the ultimate Healer. Jesus is the one who can light our path and cultivate good fruit from all of our experiences.

The thing is, we can technically grow in both the light and the dark. But when we grow in the dark, away from God’s counsel, away from people who care about us, away from wisdom, we end up producing mold. When we huddle in our own messes, unwilling to cleanse ourselves, unwilling to do the difficult work it takes to learn from our mistakes, we end up worse than how we started.

But when we grow in the light, we can produce beautiful fruit. We can become pops of color in a dismal, gray world. We can bloom like sunflowers, bringing joy to everyone we know. We can bring peace and comfort, like lilies, to those in need. We can bring nourishment and delight, like the fruit sitting in your fruit bowl right now.

When we allow the light to pour in, we begin to reflect the goodness of God.

You see, my friend, no matter what situation you’re in, you will grow. Difficulties, stress, and pain are bound to change us. But wouldn’t you want something good to come from those things? Wouldn’t you rather be a source of hope rather than wallow in self-pity?

But only you get to choose which path you’ll take. Will you allow God to move through you, shaping you into the person you are meant to be? It will take time. It may even take additional pain before you can see what God’s doing. But isn’t the good fruit worth it?

Today, ask yourself whether you’re growing in light or in darkness. It’s not too late to remove the moldy parts of your life and start over. God has the divine cleaning tools of forgiveness, grace, and mercy. He is more than ready to be the light you desperately crave.

He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.
James 1:18

For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light (for the fruit of the light consists in all goodness, righteousness and truth) and find out what pleases the Lord. Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. It is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible—and everything that is illuminated becomes a light. This is why it is said: “Wake up, sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine on you.
Ephesians 5:8-14

Let God Grow You

Are you struggling to figure out why you are at a difficult point in your journey right now?

To be honest, I’ve had a rough week. I won’t get into the details right now, but I have felt really upset at myself for going back to a place I had hoped not to go back to. Do you ever pride yourself on how far you’ve come, only to end up feeling like you’re in the exact same place? You thought you overcame things like overthinking situations or doubting yourself or God, and then you’re right back there.

It almost feels worse than it did originally.

Last night, I scrolled through some old videos, and by old, I mean old. Little Hannah was a lot different than grown-up Hannah. I mean, I don’t crack cow jokes and name my stuffed animals “Utters” anymore…right?

Anyway, as much as I could see what was different about me, I also saw similarities. In tutorial videos, I kept affirming my invisible audience and reminding them that I couldn’t get it the first time either. I posted multiple videos to songs I still enjoy. One thing that caught my attention was a video I made on a day when I didn’t feel silly. (Which wasn’t very often 😂) It was a video where I was listening to a song by Lauren Daigle and drawing a girl climbing a mountain.

Music and art have always been my sources of escape. My way to connect with God and with myself after a tough day. Some things never change. And maybe that’s okay.

Wherever you are in your life, I hope you know that you are growing. I hope you know that even if you have been sucked back into the dark, there is still a light at the end of the tunnel. You are not stuck. You are still being transformed into the person you are meant to be.

Sometimes, things remind us of our past, and we think that’s a bad thing. But the truth is, we will never be the same person we once were. We are not stuck in that identity. We can still keep the aspects of our lives that make us, well, us, and grow into better people.

Even if you are feeling old feelings, you are not that same old person. You are coming at this problem with more wisdom, more strength from God, and more hope because you know that you can get through this.

My church is going through the book of Exodus right now, and we just reached the part where the Israelites are going through the wilderness with God. Based on their grumbling and complaining, and the fact that they were traveling through the wilderness, I’m guessing it wasn’t all fun and games. I picture rocky terrain, a thirst and hunger for comfort, and decreasing motivation.

I often compare the Israelites journeying through the wilderness to a hike. (Though I hope you don’t take 40 year hikes, but if you do, congrats, you just blew my mind!)

To be honest, I don’t usually enjoy the hiking process. I mean, getting dirt and twigs stuck in your tennis shoes, climbing up never-ending hills, and seeing tree after tree after tree…oh and don’t get me started on the rocks! Once my toes were black and blue after stubbing them on giant rocks during a hike.

So why do we hike when the journey is so difficult? Because of what’s at the end.

Sometimes, we are rewarded with a gorgeous waterfall or a picturesque view of a town. Other times, we simply get the pleasure of a job well done. We made it! We did it! And we can go out and do it again.

Difficult seasons of life are often like taking a hike. We have to get through a lot of prickly bushes of people, stinging nettles of mean words, and falls that send us spiraling into anxiety.

But once we get to the end, it’s always worth the hike. Sometimes God rewards us by showing us how we helped others or allows us to share our stories to make a difference. He might even give us a simple solution at the end of the whole journey. Other times, He allows us to relish in the satisfaction of making it this far, of growing in confidence.

Speaking of growing…that’s the whole point of our “life hikes”.

When faced with an opportunity to grow, we often try to avoid it by taking a smoother route. But that route will eventually lead back to the rocky road because that’s the only way to true growth. We can’t get to the reward until we get through the tough stuff. Until we finally learn what God’s teaching us.

We can go in kicking and screaming, demanding an easier way, until we give up and let God take us where we need to go. That often leads to detours that make the trip even longer and more trying. But when we go in with a tender heart, with open ears and eyes, we will grow even deeper into who God wants us to be.

When we focus on the gorgeous waterfall, we forget about the sharp rocks beneath us. When we focus on our Creator, we forget about the ones who call us unworthy. When we focus on who God sees us as, we forget about who we used to be.

Today, open your heart and mind to the fact that God is calling you to grow. Comfort zones are easy and enjoyable places to be, but nothing beautiful grows there. Step out of your comfort zone and realize that through whatever you’re going through, God is going to make you stronger. Don’t give up. ❤

Do not let your heart be troubled; believe in God, believe also in Me.
John 14:1

Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
Isaiah 43:18-19

Song Recommendation, New Day, by Danny Gokey: https://youtu.be/0TrKXehB0pg

The God of Feelings

Do you ever worry about your feelings being too big for God? Here’s some advice and encouragement!

I’ve often spoken of how God isn’t a “God of feelings”. He’s so much bigger than that, loyal, faithful, honest, and never-changing. His love is so different from the fleeting love we experience in many relationships.

While all of that is true and important to recognize, I’ve realized I may have done an incredible disservice to you. By speaking so joyfully about God in this way, I may have misled you into believing that He doesn’t have feelings, that feelings don’t have a place in our world. But believe me, feelings do have an important place, and God does have feelings too.

I’ve seen the consequences of not “believing in feelings” firsthand within my own family. I used to think it was just my family, but during the recent spread of awareness about the issues Asian Americans have faced, I’m beginning to realize it’s cultural. It’s a known fact that there’s a stigma around mental health in the Asian American community, often because our mental health has not been seen as important in the past. For my dad’s side of the family, expressing any kind of feeling (other than indifference) is seen as a weakness.

Both my dad and my grandma, whenever they mention a loss or a difficulty, laugh it off to prove they are okay. I’ve never seen either of them cry. They literally live out the line from Let it Go, “Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know.” Whenever I share a hardship with them, they merely shrug and act like I’m an idiot for being the least bit concerned.

But I know those feelings are deep within them. When our dog passed away last year, my dad clung onto compulsive actions in an attempt to unknowingly cope. The stress lines and the frown on his face indicate his anxiety. Yet if asked, it will be received with harsh reprimands for ever assuming anything’s not fine. It deeply saddens me to see them suffering like this. The negative feelings won’t dissipate simply because we choose to ignore them. Rather, they continue to bubble up until we are forced to confront them, often by this point in an unhealthy way.

I think Christians often fall into the trap of making everyone think they have to be fine in order to be a Christian. “You must not trust God if you are sad or disappointed,” they often say. “Everything happens for a reason, and if you don’t believe that fully at every given moment, then you must not be saved!”

But that’s not true. If our faith was dependent on never having a single doubt or wavering moment, then our faith wouldn’t be much of anything. Our faith is built on God’s grace and forgiveness. When we get out on the water with Him and falter, He will stretch out His hand and rescue us. And those moments of truly needing His saving is what strengthens our faith the most.

When we’re close to God, we know His character. He isn’t going to turn away from us when we have tear stains on our cheeks. He isn’t going to laugh at us when we come to Him in bits and pieces after our heart’s been broken. He isn’t going to mock us when we are asking for forgiveness.

Rather, He is going to be there waiting for us, excited when we turn to Him through everything we’re feeling.

It’s when we don’t know God’s character that we fear coming to Him as anything less than perfect. Well, let me tell you, God knows darn well that we aren’t perfect! He knows our every thought and feeling. He hears every whispered cry and every quiet call for help.

But guess what? God isn’t afraid of what you’re feeling.

God is so much more powerful than what we’re feeling. He has given us this life, and these feelings, in order to bring us closer to Him and to each other. So don’t deny the fact that you have feelings. Rather, see how these feelings may be prompting you to show other’s God’s love.

One of the greatest marks of a follower of Christ is compassion. I once read in a Bible study that compassion is “love in action”. It requires stepping into another person’s shoes and feeling what they are feeling. We can’t show compassion if we deny ourselves our right to feel.

We can’t control how we feel, but we can control what we do with those feelings. If you are worried about your feelings taking over your life, then remember that you can allow God to use those feelings for good.

No matter how you’re feeling today, your feelings are valid. They matter. But they certainly won’t ever define who you are in Christ.

Lord, you have examined me
    and know all about me.
²You know when I sit down and when I get up.
    You know my thoughts before I think them.
³You know where I go and where I lie down.
    You know everything I do.
⁴Lord, even before I say a word,
    you already know it.
Psalm 139:1-4

Song Recommendation: Broken Prayers, by Riley Clemmons: https://youtu.be/cBDt_-tIfLI

Inner Beauty is Most Valuable

Do you struggle with feeling good about your appearance? Here’s some encouragement.

I’ve seen a lot of posts recently about people sharing vulnerably their stories that deal with lack of self-esteem related to their bodies. I think many of us, some more severely than others, have struggled to see ourselves as worthy, especially in relation to our appearance. With all our culture’s standards, it can be difficult to remember how valuable we are. There are so many verses about not focusing on the outward appearance, such as (and not limited to):

The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. A man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.
1 Samuel 16:7

Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror.
James 1:23

Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions.
Matthew 7:20

These verses can serve as both a comfort and a warning. You might ask, “But Hannah, I don’t particularly like my appearance. I’m not going into the modeling business or some career that mostly focuses on outward beauty. I’m not like that person over there who clearly works hard at their appearance.”

First of all, we have no idea how much a person cares about what they look like. They might be just as insecure as one of us and we shouldn’t judge based on how beautiful we perceive them to be.

And second, we can be just as guilty of focusing too much on our outward appearance when we criticize ourselves as someone who thinks they are overly gorgeous and makes sure everyone knows it. (And that person, by the way, is probably doing that to seek validation, so they probably aren’t even as secure as you may think)

It’s so important to take care of ourselves and to love who we are because God made us that way. But it’s also important to just not focus too much on what we look like. When we place working or stressing over our appearance above who we are as a person and what we’re doing for God’s kingdom, then we miss out on what God has planned for us. We lose sight of what’s truly important in our lives.

And in the end, our bodies will fade away. All that’s left will be our souls. So why don’t we take the time to work on what will last forever instead of the temporary, especially if our bodies cause us grief?

Instead of asking yourself, what food should I eat to make my body attractive or why don’t I look as beautiful as that person over there, ask yourself these questions:

Am I living in a way that honors God?
Do the people around me feel loved?
Am I doing things that I feel passionate about?
Am I taking time to rest?
What am I doing to serve others?

That’s not to say don’t take care of yourself. It just means that once you start focusing on living out God’s will, then your body will not be the center of your life anymore. People will start noticing you for your amazing character traits instead of your looks.

But these verses are also meant to be a comfort. God sees us in a way no one else can. We (and others) see ourselves through a broken mirror, broken by sin, broken by society’s expectations, broken by lies. We are broken until we allow God to heal us, to make us who we are meant to be.

You are loved and worthy and beautiful no matter what you look like. Never forget that.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:13