Tag: sadness

The Root of Resentment

What if the root cause of anger is really pain?

I could feel myself drifting before I knew why.

We were good friends. The best of friends, even. And yet I was becoming more and more resentful of the “perfect life” I thought she was leading.

Slowly, minor things she’d say would sting deep into my heart. I was *this close* to ending our friendship, if there’s even a way to formally end a friendship. (They say breaking up with a friend is harder than a significant other, and I wholeheartedly agree)

But then a mentor in my life told me something that stopped me dead in my tracks:

“We often resent those who we are lacking something from.”

In that moment, I realized that I wasn’t really mad at my friend. I was hurt because I felt like she didn’t need me anymore. That her life was suddenly better than mine.

And I was wrong.

If you are in that place in a friendship, I encourage you to do one thing. It might seem small (yet difficult, given how you are feeling right now), but it could save your relationship.

Reach out and ask them how they are doing. How they are doing really.

No “I’m fine” or “I’m pretty good”. The full story is the only way to realize that perhaps you have misjudged a few things. Maybe they aren’t living it up while you’re left behind. Maybe they still want you after all and were waiting for you to reach out.

And taking this action will remind both of you why you are friends in the first place: Because you care about each other!

The root cause of anger is not rage or injustice. I believe it is pure pain.

When we are hurt by someone, we don’t want to feel weak or overpowered by them. We want to feel stronger, and anger makes us feel powerful.

You are powerful when you are angry. It isn’t wrong to be angry, but it’s important to not let your anger control you.

Evaluate the situations in which you feel particularly frustrated. Has someone made you feel less than your true worth? Or have you been used in an unfair way that has left you ashamed or desperate?

You aren’t weak for being hurt. You aren’t weak for wanting people to notice you or love you or make you feel like you belong. It’s only human nature.

The truth is, we are unfortunately often unaware of how we affect others. We don’t realize how people long for those fulfillments from us. And it’s not our job to fill everyone’s needs.

But that also means we can’t expect people to define us or make us feel our true worth.

The good news is that we don’t need people to do that, either. We have someone ready and waiting to love us to the fullest extent: God.

God’s love surpasses all pain, disappointment, and despair that has been overpowering your life. You are free from the chains of guilt or betrayal. God will never leave you nor forsake you. God loves you more than words can describe and He’s waiting for you to accept His perfect gift.

So why not take the time today to reach out to God and to that person in your life who you’ve been envious of? You’re bound for a surprise, hopefully one that makes you feel encouraged.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Why Saying Goodbye to a Comfort Character Feels Real

Have you ever wondered why a piece of you feels missing after a favorite series ends?

Have you ever felt close to a fictional character? Perhaps it’s the way they talk or make you laugh or help you feel less alone. But then, when the inevitable time comes for the show or series to end, you’re left feeling empty inside, like you are losing a real friend. Whoever the character is, they make you feel seen or cared about in some strange, unexplainable way.

If you’ve shed a tear or lost a night’s sleep over a fictional character, you’re in good company. Perhaps it’s the increased accessibility to media or the fact that people feel lonelier than ever these days, but losing a character who makes you valued can be heartbreaking.

However, if you’ve shared this experience, you may have also felt silly for getting upset by someone “not real”. Yet these feelings are more valid than you might realize.

After spending the past couple years far away from loved ones and living through our screens, it’s only natural for our minds to merge our “real” relationships with our “on-screen” ones. The awesome thing about technology is how we are able to connect with people from all over the world. However, that also means many of our relationships are long distance, and our sense of reality gets altered.

Therefore, when our brains convince us that these characters are real friends, we feel like we’re experiencing a real loss. This may trigger past experiences of ending a relationship, losing a loved one, or having a source of security become unstable.

You are free to feel grief when a source of comfort is lost or a season has come to an end.

But, we don’t have to stay stuck in those feelings.

We have someone very real, despite also not being tangible, who is right here with us. And, you guessed it, Jesus is the best source of comfort.

Jesus doesn’t change. He will always be loving and powerful and patient. He will always be there for you, no matter what you are going through or what you’re feeling.

Just think about that for a moment: Jesus doesn’t ever change. We can’t even fathom that because everything–our Earth, our society, our loved ones, us–change. And that’s what makes us crave comfort or stability.

But Jesus promises that He will be faithful to the end and even after the end. He wants us to cling to Him when we feel afraid or unloved or isolated. Jesus will remind us that He is our source of courage and He paid the ultimate sacrifice to be there for us. We are never alone.

So today, don’t feel guilty for whatever you’re feeling. Instead, bring all these complicated emotions to God and allow yourself to feel comforted knowing that there will always be one thing that never changes.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

Hebrews 13:8