Relationships – Page 9 – The Will to Wake Up

Life Hack #3: Honestly…

Sharing one of the best pieces of relationship/friendship advice I’ve ever received.

Growing up, how many times did you hear, “Honesty is the best policy”? Perhaps it was during the plagiarism speech at the beginning of every school year. Or maybe it was in a conversation with your parents after losing a friend over a “little white lie”. But have you applied it to your life as an adult?

Random thought: I almost wonder if I should change this series’ name to “Debunking cliché advice”. Hmm…

Anyway, I’ve given this idea of honesty a lot of thought. I’ve been trying to figure out why it’s hard. I’ve come up with three ideas:

We assume honesty means brashness

When someone tells you, “Just be honest with them”, you might picture yourself walking up to a person and crushing their dreams. Or maybe you think honesty means never using tact when talking about a controversial issue.

Well…how should I put this? No! That’s how our society has gotten honesty wrong, especially in light of all the recent tension and civil unrest.

It’s important to be true to your beliefs, especially when standing up for others or for your faith. But it’s also important to realize that people don’t come to their ideas overnight. It has taken years of experiences, pain, and advice from a variety of sources to get them where they are today. So when sharing your views, realize that part of honest means honestly listening to the other side and appreciating them as human beings, even if you don’t agree with them. And you certainly don’t have to agree with them.

Here’s the thing: People will want to listen to you more if you speak the truth in love. People will feel less attacked and more appreciative of where you’re coming from.

2. Honesty takes humility

Ah, humility. This idea revisits us once again, as it seems to do in my own life on a regular basis. We try to run, but we can’t hide from it. Being humble is one of the core attributes of a follower of Christ.

How does honesty take humility, though?

Well, being honest can mean “taking one for the team”. It might mean being the first person to admit you’re nervous about something. Or it could look like sharing your faith even when it isn’t the popular thing to do. Honesty means we’ll have to admit that we aren’t always right, that maybe the thing we were fighting for isn’t the best after all.

And that’s hard. That’s really hard. But if we aren’t honest about those things, we’ll miss out on growing as individuals and in relationships.

3. Honesty means sacrifice

In the movies, when someone makes a startling revelation and reveals the truth, they are often greeting with celebration or victory. But in real life, people may not respond to our honesty in the way we’d like them to. Perhaps it’s a confession of our true feelings, and the other person doesn’t feel the same way. Maybe it’s sharing a controversial viewpoint that sends an old friend away. Whatever it is, if it matters to you, it needs to be shared. Unfortunately, that does often mean losing people. But the true friends, the ones who really care, will be there with you when you show your true self.

Why is honesty so important, anyway?

If being honest takes so much work, why is it so important in life?

Think about it, how has another person’s honesty changed your life? Maybe it was a current significant other making the first move towards building a relationship with you. Perhaps it was a parent admitting their faults and healing some childhood wounds.

Here are a few ways honesty has impacted my life, and as I share, continue to think about your stories too.

Honesty has made me feel more comfortable

A few nights ago, I went to my first social gathering after COVID. I was pretty nervous about seeing a ton of people I hadn’t seen in over a year. Perhaps you’ve also experienced this.

When I first got into the venue, a girl I hadn’t talked to in over two years came up and started chatting with me. I greatly appreciated her efforts, and even more so after what she said next.

“You know,” she said. “I might have seemed forward for coming over here like this, but I really don’t know anyone anymore and I wanted someone to talk to.”

In that moment, that’s what I needed to hear. I wasn’t alone in my nervousness. A gesture she might’ve found awkward or uncomfortable was actually what made me feel comfortable. Her honesty inspired me to reach out to others and be willing to be true to myself.

Honesty significantly impacts the success of romantic relationships

I have a friend who desperately wanted to be in a romantic relationship with someone and she asked for my advice. Though I’ve observed others’ relationships, I didn’t have much personal experience to go off of, so I spoke with a friend who doesn’t know her, so he’d have an unbiased point of view.

I shared with him how my friend has lied about who she likes to her crush and how their relationship has been based off guessing the other person’s feelings and lack of communication.

He replied, “From my experience, particularly my last relationship that didn’t work out, I’d say honesty is the most important thing in relationships. It might already be too late for them.”

And true to his word, once my friend was honest with her crush, she didn’t necessarily receive the response she had been hoping for, but she finally knew the truth. The truth can be hard to swallow, but important for moving forward.

This was also a good reminder to me to start relationships off with honesty rather than trickling it in as time goes on.

Honesty can heal old wounds

As I shared earlier in why some people avoid being honest, there’s this false idea that honesty only hurts people. But the truth is, honesty can be the medicine to a relationship.

I’m currently in a season of transition. Many of my friends are also moving on or moving away, or both. They seem to tie together often.

Anyway, while in a conversation with an old friend who had hurt me in the past, I gingerly brought up how our friendship had ended. I didn’t do in an accusatory way, but in a way that revealed how I had truly felt about the situation. It helped that it happened years ago, so I had time to process and no longer be mad about it.

This brought so much healing and closure to me, and I’m sure to her as well. We were finally able to realize how far we’d come and how we’ve changed as individuals. Honesty takes maturity, I’ll give you that much. That’s why it’s hard. But it’s the only way to find true closure when letting go of the past.

Does God want us to be honest?

Well, I think you can answer that one yourself. But yes, of course He does.

Jesus never sugarcoated things. He was direct, yet also the definition of love. As followers of Jesus, we should strive to do the same thing.

There’s a Proverb that goes, “Wounds from a friend are better than kisses from an enemy”. Are you upset by a person’s honesty right now? Are you doubting yourself for being honest with a loved one?

In the long run, being honest is the only way you’ll truly get places. Today, think about whether your relationships are based on honesty. I guarantee that the ones that are will last far longer than the ones that are not.

Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out.
Proverbs 10:9

And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.
John 8:32

There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers. My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching.
Proverbs 6:16-20

God’s Promise of an Answer

You have probably heard the verse about God’s plans for you many times. But have you ever wondered how to find out those plans?

As a recent graduate, I’ve seen the verse Jeremiah 29:11 everywhere! I’ve even shared it on the blog several times. To refresh your memory, this is what it says,

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

This verse is meant to encourage everyone, especially people who are in a new stage of life. It gives us hope, maybe even clarity, as we are promised that God will reveal His plans to us.

We carry this verse all the way to college or a new career or wherever the next season of life takes us. But then disaster strikes–we don’t really know what we’re doing. We struggle to fit in, we don’t get the new opportunity we’re hoping for, we feel alone. Where did the God from graduation go?

We have a daily verse calendar and when this verse was the verse of the day, I tore it off the calendar to save in my scrapbook. When I was rereading it the other day, I noticed the continuation of the verse,

Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ¹⁴I will be found by you.”
(verses 12-14)

Now you might be asking me, “So wait, we don’t just get our plans given to us freely with our diplomas?”

Well…sometimes God works that way, speaking with complete clarity. But a lot of the time, trials happen in our life not to turn us away from God, but to cause us to go to Him. When we see an obstacle in our path, we get too focused on how its preventing us from achieving our goals rather than how it could be bringing us closer to God. But the most important thing in life is to have a loving relationship with God. It doesn’t mean we don’t have doubts, but it does mean we cling to Him through our struggles and grow.

God’s promise in Jeremiah is still powerful. In fact, it’s even greater than just verse 11 or just knowing what’s next. It’s the promise of finding Jesus. It’s the promise of an answer to our calls, whether they are shouts of joy or cries in the middle of the night.

How often do your feelings get hurt by not being recognized by the people you thought or hoped cared about you? Perhaps they don’t answer your calls, whether literally over the phone or silent calls for help. People don’t always (or often) show up for us in the way we wished.

But God promises to always show up. He never takes a day off from loving us and being there for us.

Today, let that really sink in. Call out to Jesus if you are confused about your purpose. Ask Him those hard questions. Explain to Him why you feel the way you do. You may not always experience what you hope for in life, but I guarantee that your life will begin to find meaning once you go to the One who gives it meaning.

But from there you will seek the Lord your God, and you will find Him if you search for Him with all your heart and all your soul.
Deuteronomy 4:29

Life Hack #1: Always Do the “Kind” Thing

Starting a new series on life hacks! Today’s life hack: Always do the kind thing.

I always hated it when, after sharing a long, complicated dilema with a trusted person, I’d get the advice, “Just always do the right thing”. What’s right? How is that helpful?

When figuring out my major last summer, I came across the same issue and same unhelpful advice. “Just do what God wants you to do”. Well, how do I know what that is?

My second time ever speaking in front of my church, I was giving a speech on “Life Hacks” from the Fruits of the Spirit. Through this new series, named appropriately enough, “Life Hacks”, I will be sharing some (hopefully) actually helpful advice when it comes to making decisions. Ultimately, there will never be 100% confirmation that we did what God wanted us to do unless we hear His thundering voice (or still whisper). But the Bible (and life experiences) can give us some clear indicators on knowing we’re working for Jesus.

Life Hack #1: Always do the “kind” thing.

This might sound like a remix of “always do the right thing”, but hear me out. Deep in our hearts, we know when an action is kind or not. We know the place from which our actions spur out of. Only you and God know if you gave that person a gift because you loved them or you expected something back. Only you two know if you donated out of sympathy or obligation.

It’s hard knowing when something’s “right” or not. A lot of times we end up trusting our gut or trying to apply Biblical wisdom to the situation. Both are good, especially going to God’s word. But a sure-proof way of knowing whether or not an action will potentially leave a powerful lasting impact is asking yourself if it’s showing another person kindness.

It sounds a lot easier than it really is. Sometimes, we just want our opinion out there, so we choose to send the sharply worded text rather than sharing an encouraging post. Or being kind requires sacrifice. Maybe it means getting a “bad” reputation or dealing with a person who isn’t liked by society. It could be financial sacrifice too, like trusting God with the bills in order to donate to charity or tithe. Perhaps it’s just getting off the couch after a long day to make dinner for someone else.

But let me tell you something: Whatever the sacrifice, it’s worth it.

On Sunday, I was given the opportunity to show kindness to a family grieving. It was a simple gesture, didn’t require much sacrifice on my part. But the hot, muggy weather was getting to me. I considered just sending a text instead of bringing my freshly baked cookies and card over.

However, I listened to the Holy Spirit, knowing this was truly not a big sacrifice at all in exchange for bringing others joy. And I am so thankful I made the extra effort. It ended up benefiting me as much as it did them. In the moment, I had a meaningful connection. After the fact, I learned that they would be moving soon, and this might’ve been one of my last opportunities to reach out to them.

God knows so much more than we do. Actually, He knows everything. So take His word for it when He tells you to do something that doesn’t make sense, especially when it comes to reaching out and encouraging others.

Jesus knows all about sacrifice. He sacrificed His reputation to dine among “sinners”. He humbled Himself by surrounding Himself with “the least of these”. He sacrificed His own life to save us. Jesus is the definition of kind.

Reflection

Is there someone God’s placing on your heart today? Someone who needs an extra bit of kindness, a tender word or a sweet gesture of appreciation?

I often think back to a powerful quote I read, “Be kind, everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about” (Wendy Mass). Only God knows everyone’s full story, and the only way to get to know someone better is to be kind to them.

And who knows? You might be unexpectedly blessed in the process too.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-5

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Ephesians 4:29

How Self-Control Can Change Our Relationships

Do you need to see humanity in a new light? Here’s some encouragement.

While listening to First, by Lauren Daigle, I made the mistake of scrolling through the comments. Sometimes I come across an inspirational story or a timely Bible verse this way. The first comment was made by a young fan who compared Lauren Daigle to a pop singer, saying that Lauren Daigle was the better version because she’s a gospel singer. The way the fan expressed her appreciation for Lauren Daigle was sweet and not demeaning in the least. However, in the responses to this comment, there is a very lengthy disagreement that started out somewhat innocent and ended up being long, hurtful paragraphs against each other. As I got caught up in reading their argument, the song suddenly ended, and I hadn’t really heard any of it. I minimized the comments, replayed the song, and realized I needed to blog about this.

Both of those people missed opportunities to show God’s love to others. One used verses to condemn; another claimed that love was the only thing that mattered, yet nothing else they said was loving. Hypocrisy is a huge turn-off for unbelievers, and for good reason. When we don’t follow through with what we claim to believe, then what’s the incentive for others to want what we have: faith?

When we get obsessed about the little things, the inconveniences of life, we miss out on the beauty of it. More importantly, when we let worldly things get to us, like an insensitive person or even a confused one, we miss out on being good witnesses for Jesus. We lose sight of what’s really important. I am legitimately terrified that Internet arguments are going to be the biggest factor in deterring people from Jesus in this generation. They may already be.

I read an essay the other day talking about how people turn into wild animals when behind the wheel. They spew out language they never would utter under normal circumstances, but when road rage captures them…oh boy…

Screens have the same effect as a windshield. We feel protected, hidden. We don’t even know the people on the other side of the screen, yet we feel free to call them hurtful names and assume they are monsters. But guess what? At the end of the day, we are all still human. We all have those moments of setting down our phone, crying over something a stranger on the Internet said. We are real, and so are they.

Self-control is so underrated these days. We want to have control over other people, but guess what, we don’t. The only one we have control over is ourselves. Self-control is a fruit of the Spirit, one of the key factors in people knowing we’re living for Jesus.

Self-control isn’t just being patient or understanding. Self-control is refraining from arguing with a stranger on social media. It’s not sharing that insensitive post that made you laugh. It’s taking the time to think before clicking send or responding to others in person. It’s allowing Jesus to take control, really.

If you want to see humanity in a new, better light, then exercise self-control. Listen to others. Put yourself in their shoes. Allow your eyes to be washed clean and restored. When a blind man asked Jesus for healing, instead of snapping His fingers and saying, “You can see now”, He made a paste using spit and mud and put that on the man’s eyes instead. He made him go through a process in order to really have new sight, and the man was healed.

Today, ask for Jesus to give you a fresh outlook on the world. Sometimes, it takes going through something messy or gross, like mud-spit, before we can really understand people the way Jesus does. But you know what? It’s always worth it.

Better a patient person than a warrior, one with self-control than one who takes a city.
Proverbs 16:32

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.
Proverbs 18:21

The Gift of Grace

What makes grace so profound?

I’ve been trying to wrap my head around the idea of grace ever since reading a Philip Yancy book on the topic. He said that grace is the one defining characteristic of a follower of Christ. Unbelievers can be kind, selfless, and loving. However, only those who truly understand the grace God gives us each day, by even allowing us to take a single breath of air, can also extend that grace.

I know so many Christians who are doing incredibly unchristian things. I’m not talking about the “hot topic” sins. I’m talking about saying hurtful things, joining in with the rest of the world in condemning others, and participating in this mass spread of unkindness. They say that we have to hold people accountable for their actions, which is true, but we need to do it in the right way. There needs to be room for grace. There needs to be room for understanding, because so often we are too quick to judge. We assume everyone who’s different from us has evil motivations. We don’t like to admit it, but it’s true.

The thing about grace is that it doesn’t make sense. I’ll be bold enough to say that it isn’t supposed to make sense, at least on this side of Heaven. Grace isn’t naïve or dismissive. Grace is acknowledging the wrong, the hurt, but still showing compassion and love. Grace isn’t injustice, but rather transformative forgiveness that leads to deeper healing.

Here’s the tough thing about grace: it goes against our human nature. It goes against what the world tells us. Grace is loving your enemy, whether your enemy takes the form of your annoying next door neighbor, a hurtful relative, or a person with an opposing political view. Grace isn’t agreeing with their actions or misbeliefs; grace is seeing the person inside them. We need to show ourselves grace too, whether that’s when we look in the mirror, receive a critical remark, or make the same mistake again.

Grace takes humility. In order to show grace, we can’t have an attitude of self-righteousness. We have to admit that we’re wrong sometimes too. We have to realize that we have also been shown grace, the greatest grace that has existed, the grace of God. We are only here because of His grace.

Every time I’m tempted to post something that I know might offend or hurt someone’s feelings, I think about my purpose. God didn’t put me here to crack a joke at someone else’s expense. God didn’t put me here to mock others. God didn’t put me here to be the opposite of Jesus. Jesus embodies grace, compassion, and faithfulness. As followers of Christ, our purpose and mission should be embodying everything Jesus embodied.

But the best part about grace is that it lets go of the past. Jesus always sees you as His perfect creation. He doesn’t see all the messy things that we like to point out in others or even in ourselves. And if Jesus can love us perfectly like that, Him being the most powerful being ever, then can’t we extend just a fraction of that grace to others?

For by grace are you saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God.
Ephesians 2:8

And the grace of our Lord was more than abundant, with the faith and love which are found in Christ Jesus.
1 Timothy 1:14

When to Speak Truth

Do you struggle to know when to tell people a tough truth you’ve noticed about them?

I was talking to one of my friends today, and we both agreed that the thing that seems the most “taboo” these days is offending someone. We do everything we can to avoid it, even lying about important things.

Now, I am certainly not saying you should go out and say hurtful things to others. But I do think we should be more aware of when we compromise our values in favor of flattering someone rather than being honest. We must speak the truth in love, not in a way that is intentionally sharp or demeaning. When we are seeking to be more honest, we must ask ourselves these questions:

1. Why is saying this important?

Words are like weapons. They can protect, or they can destroy. We must use our words to build people up and to help them grow. If this piece of honest advice will help the person you care about, then tell them. If it will help them grow closer to God, then tell them. If this will change an unpleasant situation, tell them.

Really evaluate why you believe you should say this. That may motivate you to speak this truth if you were unsure. This may help you better word what you have to say. Or maybe if you’re saying it for the wrong reason, you can reevaluate what you need to do. But before making any decision, knowing why you are considering doing it is wise.

2. Am I saying this because I want to be honest and helpful or because I want to feel better about myself?

Now, the one place I have seen people blunt and loose-lipped is on social media. People have no issue yelling at each other and criticizing everyone who does one little thing wrong. The reason why this is hurtful and unproductive is because these words, while they may have a grain of truth to them, come from a place of self-righteousness, anger, and hate. Just like the old saying about bullies at school, hurt people hurt people.

So during that evaluation process of why you want to honestly tell someone something, think about if it’s coming from a place of love or a place of pride. Do you feel like you are better than this person? If you do, then what you have to say will likely not help them. But if you believe that you also have things you struggle with, but you’re just farther along on the faith journey, or you happen to have noticed something that could help someone, then you are doing this for the right reason.

3. Is this person already aware of this issue?

Now, I’ll admit I don’t like being corrected. During this time where God’s been teaching me a lot about humility, I’ve come to learn how to discern between constructive and destructive criticism. Then I’ve learned how to accept and grow from the constructive criticism.

But the thing I get so annoyed by is when I’m currently working on a weakness and someone comes up and informs me of that weakness. It’s like, yeah, couldn’t you tell I was working on it? And then I just feel even more discouraged.

Now, if you don’t realize that someone is working on that weakness, that’s one thing. But if you can tell that they are actively trying to improve as a person, then encourage them!

I hope these tips helped you. I know it can be so hard to speak the truth in love, but nothing good comes easy, right? Today, think about how you can better accept truth from people who care about you and want to help you. Also ask God if there’s anything you need to tell someone in your life to help them grow in their faith too.

If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us.
1 John 1:8

Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who does not need to be ashamed and who correctly handles the word of truth.
2 Timothy 2:15

“How Are You Doing?”

When was the last time you asked someone, “How are you doing?”

I’m going to admit, one of my guilty pleasures is rom-coms. I don’t know why since I wouldn’t consider myself the “most romantic person in the world”. But if there’s a really good rom-com out there, I will likely watch it and enjoy it.

The most recent one I’ve watched is the third movie about Lara Jean in the To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before series. She and her boyfriend, Peter, have gone through many ups and downs since they initially got together at the end of the first movie. They’ve matured and have grown significantly closer. In fact, they even plan on going to college together and staying together forever. (Might be sad if they weren’t planning on the latter, now that I think about it).

Anyway, the “big event” of this movie is (spoiler alert!) Lara Jean not getting into the college that they were planning to attend together. The issue is, because they were both planning on going for so long, Lara Jean doesn’t have the heart to tell Peter. So he buys her a Stanford tree hat, decorates his car, and takes her out on a special date to celebrate her acceptance (since he is unaware of her rejection). So you’d think that by the time she does tell him, he’d be pretty upset, right? Probably annoyed, angry, maybe even ready to break up?

But his answer stunned me. And moved me greatly. I don’t often cry during movies, and I thought I would at the end of this one since it’s the last in the series, but the moment I almost cried was at Peter’s response to Lara Jean’s heart-wrenching confession that she didn’t make it into Stanford.

He looks at her with such care and concern as she starts rambling on and on about how she can fix the situation. He stops her and says in a soft, empathetic voice, “How are you doing?”

I’m sure he knows at this moment that his dreams are crushed as much as hers. He had his hopes set on her going to Stanford too. But he doesn’t let that affect the way he reacts. Instead, he puts his care and love for her over his disappointment.

Wow. Okay, let’s regroup for a minute here. (Also go watch the movie after if I haven’t spoiled too much of it for you).

So you might be thinking, “Aw, what a great boyfriend! Next?”

No. We need to really think about this lesson embedded in this scene. Like, how many times have you been dreading telling someone something you knew would disappoint them and you were greeted with a harsh, or even just discouraged, response?

Probably many times.

But how many times have you been given love and admiration for the courage it took you to share that news? How many times were you asked, before any opinions were shared, how you were doing?

And let me flip that question around a bit. When was the last time you responded to disappointing news with care and concern instead of worry or anger?

I think the reason this scene meant so much to me is because I really wanted someone to just ask me how I was doing. I also felt guilty that I haven’t always reacted with such maturity and love to others when faced in similar situations. I’m more inclined to share my opinions on the news rather than hear their side of the story.

Now, I know there are many instances where they say not to ask that question, like right after someone died or something like that. Often that just overwhelms a person.

But I think you’ll know deep down in your heart when it’s the right time to ask if you really stop and let yourself step into the other person’s shoes.

Is there someone who needs to be asked how they’re doing? Like, how they’re really doing?

I know it can be awkward, but sometimes you just have to be the first person to make a move. You have to be the one to start that act of kindness. And if you think about it, that’s only four words. Four simple words to completely change a conversation, even a relationship, around.

So the next time you are tempted to get annoyed at someone’s bad news, think about the situation from their perspective and respond with empathy. Or, if you feel like there’s someone being overlooked or overworked, reach out and see if you can be there for them.

You never know how you might be able to change a life today.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32

The Thing That Hurts Us

Are you really angry at someone right now? Did someone hurt you deeply? Here is some advice and encouragement as to how to heal your heart.

I was recently doing a Bible study with some friends, and the message for that week was about how important our thoughts are to our well-being. Not only that, but to our relationship with God.

If you’ve ever struggled with loneliness, anxiety, depression, or stress, I’m sure you can agree that those intrusive thoughts that bombard our minds seem to take over our lives.

But I think something that people don’t often associate with our mental health is anger. Anger can easily take over our lives and destroy our relationships. Not only that, but it can destroy our mental well-being too.

I think it’s interesting, in a sad way, that our society seems to glorify being angry.

“Oh, you’re angry at that side? Excellent, that means that you are the best supporter for us.”

“You’re mad that this person won? Go fight for your beliefs!”

People often support their anger with the story of how Jesus turned tables over in the temple. “If Jesus was angry, then we can be angry too!”

Being angry is natural. But it doesn’t mean we should stay angry, and it does mean that we need to pay attention to what we are doing with our anger. When Jesus expressed His anger over the injustices going on in His city, He did not hurt people with His anger. I think that’s a good question to check ourselves with. When we are doing ____ because we are angry, does that hurt anyone?

The next thing to think about is, where is the root cause of this anger? Is it hurt? Frustration? Something unrelated to the thing you’re fueling your angry energy towards?

Jesus spoke against the rulers that were harming people’s relationship with God. Jesus was frustrated by the unfairness and lies being spread. He was standing up for truth.

I’m going to admit something to you right now. Over the last couple of weeks, I have been very angry at a couple people in my life. I didn’t want to feel hurt, so instead I fueled my energy towards thinking negative thoughts about them. I wanted to feel powerful, powerful enough to be in charge of my feelings.

But then I came across this verse, and it frightened me.

“In your anger, do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”
Ephesians 4:26-27

Whoa. Okay, just take a moment with me here to think about this. When we are angry, we allow the devil to work through us. That is certainly frightening, isn’t it? That means that instead of allowing the Holy Spirit to be the One guiding us, we are allowing our enemy to take over. That’s such an incredible loss. That means we gave over to our real permanent enemy, not just the temporary one we’ve found in a friend, relative, or random internet stranger.

Then, as I kept reading, I was struck by this additional verse.

“And do not grieve the Holy Spirt of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.”
Ephesians 4:30

When we are angry, we hurt God.

I know a lot of times we think we are just hurting the other person when we think angry thoughts about them or when we seek revenge. But the thing is, we are hurting everyone involved– ourselves, the other person, and God. God is involved in our daily lives, which means He knows when we are upset. He understands when we are hurt, but instead of letting our pride get in the way, we need to come to Him and express the deep pain we are feeling.

Because, let’s face it. We are angry because we allowed ourselves to become vulnerable enough to trust someone, and they blew it. They might’ve betrayed your trust in numerous ways. It could be taking the opposite side on an issue you’re passionate about. Maybe they told someone something personal about you that ruined your reputation. Perhaps they didn’t show up in your life the way you thought they would–maybe even in a way they previously promised they would.

Friend, it’s totally normal and okay to be upset when someone does terrible things to us. Or even not-so-terrible things that still hurt us.

But we can’t stay stuck in those feelings. We have to forgive them.

Because if we don’t forgive them, we are losing our battle against the evil in this world. We are allowing our lives to be run by our anger instead of our love.

So today, if there’s someone you need to forgive, even if it’s just in your heart, please do it. It will change your life.

When I took that step to forgive those people, my life didn’t change over night. But I did feel an overwhelming sense of peace and a burden lifted off my shoulders. And the next time I am hurt by someone, I will have to remind myself that no matter how hard it is, I shouldn’t make the hurt worse by allowing resentment to take over.

Instead, let us both place those feelings in God’s hands and move on with our lives.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
James 1:19-20

Their Victory Can Be Your Victory

Are you struggling with jealousy right now? Always remember that their purpose is not your purpose. You can celebrate others without comparing them to yourself.

“Her purpose is not your purpose.”
@Shelivespurposefully

“Just because you’re happy about her success doesn’t mean you won’t get yours. So celebrate with her! Don’t create a competition that doesn’t exist.”
Unknown

I’ve seen quotes of this nature so many times on Instagram these days, and I’m just hoping that I can really live it out. Jealousy, that green-eyed monster, has gotten the better of me countless times. But the truth is, the one it’s really hurt is me. It’s caused me to miss out on what’s right in front of me, and even worse, it’s caused me to harbor resentment towards others, either people I hardly know or even close friends.

We never really know what’s going on in other people’s lives. We don’t know what their story is, or what it took, all the failures along the way, to get where they are today. A lot of us are more private than we let on, not wanting people to know our past. And sometimes, that’s okay. But we also have to realize that others are like that too, and they only want us to see the good side of them. The victory at the end of the long, hard, brutal battle.

When we compare ourselves to others, we aren’t measuring things equally. It’s not a fair competition. We are comparing everything about one person (ourselves) and only a partial chapter of another’s story, likely the climax or the resolution. We are never on the exact same part of life as someone else when it comes to personal growth. So why are we expecting our lives to suddenly be figured out when our friend or an influencer’s life takes a dramatic change?

You have a purpose. An extraordinary purpose that no one else on Earth can fulfill.

But beloved, your purpose is not the same purpose as the person next to you. It’s not the same as your roommate, your sibling, your best friend, or even your partner.

It’s all uniquely yours.

But their victory can be your victory. You can celebrate when your friend gets that promotion, your cousin buys that new house, or your neighbor finally has the means to purchase that item you’ve both been eyeing. It’s not a race. It’s not a competition. What is meant for you will be given to you.

The same goes for that particularly touchy subject…relationships.

This one is hard for me to write and follow.

Even that person that you like, or even love, but aren’t in a relationship with, can be someone you celebrate. Even if they end up with someone else. Because they if they aren’t with you, then they weren’t meant for you. You have someone even better suited for you in your future.

Even if your best friend just got into a healthy relationship and you have been single your whole life. You can be happy for her without getting into a relationship yourself or being in that same stage of life. You just haven’t met the perfect person yet. God’s sparing you the heartbreak.

Even if you feel like everyone else in the world has their person (which they don’t… and if you think about it, you’ll realize you probably are in good company being single) you can still celebrate. You are loved by the most powerful, loving, and faithful being in the universe– God. You don’t have to be loved by some person in order to be cherished, worthy, valuable, and enough. You don’t have to be defined by a relationship. You are God’s precious creation no matter what.

So today, encourage others who you may have been envious of earlier. And I know it’s hard. I struggle with jealousy all the time, so this post is for my own benefit as much as yours. But also realize that there is so much more ahead of you that you can celebrate, and hopefully those same people you’re celebrating right now will be able to join you when it’s your turn in the limelight.

You have such a wonderful future ahead of you, and those storms, doubts, and tough situations are only here to make you stronger. You can do this. I believe in you, and more importantly, God believes in you too.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
Psalm 139:14

You are Never Alone

Whatever you’re going through, always remember that you are never alone.

“In her lowest place she found grace, the strength, the courage, the room, the space to move and live and breathe again.”
Morgan Harper Nichols

A lot of us find ourselves in a place where we truly believe we are alone. Forever alone.

Maybe a relationship ended. Maybe one never began. Maybe a longtime friendship fell apart. Maybe a loved one is gone. Or maybe the doubts are just seeping in more than usual.

Whatever place your in right now, I want you to close your eyes. Take a deep breath. You’re still here for a reason.

And it’s to touch others’ lives.

I know that right now that might be hard to believe. Some days feel just too difficult to get up, much less actually change the world.

What a large task, changing the world.

But the best news is, despite all that your mind is telling you, you’re never alone.

When I was first in that place where I needed to hear those words, I didn’t actually realize that it was a common phrase of encouragement. Sometimes when phrases become a second nature to us, we forget their true meaning.

So I feel fortunate that the time I heard it, I believed those words and felt like they were everything I needed to keep going.

Okay, maybe not everything. I still had doubts. I still felt alone sometimes.

But it gave me hope.

You may have heard the phrase “you are never alone” hundreds of times. Maybe they have lost their meaning for you. But I hope today that you can read them with fresh eyes. I wish I could say them to you in person.

I want you to feel them. Let them sink in.

You are never alone.

Now, you might think, Hannah, you don’t know what kind of situation I’m in!

That’s true, I don’t. I can’t pretend to understand what you are going through.

But I do know this. God will always be there waiting for you. He is the One who will not leave you alone in a pit of despair. He is the One who will lift you out and make you into His perfect creation.

I also know something else.

At least one person is praying for you. At least one person cares about you.

I am praying for you and I care about you. I don’t know anything about you, but I know that you are worthy of being cared about.

Nothing you did could ever separate you from the love of God. Absolutely nothing.

You are priceless. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. Nothing about you can change that, either. Not your looks, your career, your quirks, your awkward moments, your mistakes.

Because those things aren’t going to last forever.

Love is the only thing that can truly bind us together, forever, with the One who gave us life in the first place.

So let love fill your heart. There is still hope. You will be able to love again. You will be loved again. And you are currently loved by the One who knows how to love the best.

And remember, no matter what you are facing, you are never alone.

The Lord appeared to him from far away. I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you.
Jeremiah 31:3