Relationships – The Will to Wake Up

Boundaries for Beginners

5 practices for creating healthier boundaries so that you serve with godly motivations.

Have you ever just really wanted to say “no” to one more request from someone you care about, but you forced yourself to say “yes”?

The practice of setting boundaries sounds simple, but in real-life situations, there are so many things to consider beyond uttering a simple “no.” When we care about the emotions and well-being of those around us, we may feel torn between overextending ourselves and only committing to what’s healthy for us.

In church settings in particular, there’s a common misbelief that setting boundaries in our relationships is sinful. But even Jesus, who lived a perfect life, took time to be with God and refresh His spirit so that He could minister well to others.

Very early in the morning, while it was still dark, Jesus got up, left the house and went off to a solitary place, where he prayed.

Mark 1:35 (NIV)

God creates boundaries with us through His laws, which guide us toward having a more fulfilling and fruitful existence. Evidence of God’s first boundary is found in Genesis. He told Adam and Eve that they could eat from any tree in the garden, except for the one specific tree that led to their downfall.

The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. ¹⁶And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; ¹⁷but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.”

Genesis 2:15-17 (NIV)

Boundaries, when created out of love, benefit and strengthen relationships. They cause us to have more realistic expectations for each other, recognizing that only God can fulfill all our needs.

As someone also in the process of learning to create boundaries, I’ve gathered five helpful practices that will hopefully bless you as you strive to make healthier relationships.

Take your time responding back to others

When someone texts you (and it’s not a serious emergency, of course), you are not obligated to text them immediately back. In fact, it’s okay to wait and respond when you feel alert and ready. Society has trained us to expect instant gratification and answers, but it is healthier to slow down and consider our words so that we can respond with kindness and discernment.

This also allows us to have more grace for others when they take longer to respond back to us!

2. Make time for rest in your schedule

Rest doesn’t just mean sleep, though getting a good night’s sleep is important. Building restful breaks into your routine, even if it’s as simple as setting aside time once or twice a week to participate in a life-giving activity or going on a daily walk, can be vital in preventing burnout.

3. Pause before committing

Instead of giving an instant “yes” when you’re asked to help with something, consider taking a night to sleep on it. During that time, when you are under less pressure to provide a response, you can check your calendar to confirm if you have the capacity to commit to this opportunity. Even more importantly, this allows you the chance to pray and discern whether this is what God wants you to do.

4. Journal your thought process

Perhaps you’re on the fence about an upcoming decision or commitment. Writing down the details of the situation, what’s drawing you toward it as well as what’s causing you to hesitate, can reveal the motives of your heart. As you journal, ask God whether you’re motivated by the desire to please others or to serve Him.

5. Practice communicating your boundaries

One of the toughest things about creating boundaries is admitting we can’t do it all. People may react to our boundaries in different ways. Some may express support and encouragement while others might be upset and disappointed.

If you’re struggling to communicate your boundaries with certain people in your life, consider sharing your needs and concerns with a trusted person who has proven to be supportive in the past. Perhaps a godly mentor, friend, or family member can guide you in communicating with the more difficult people in your life. You can even ask to rehearse your “boundaries conversation” with them, so that you feel prepared and grounded before entering into more difficult conversations.

Moving forward with grace.

God designed us intricately and intentionally. He didn’t create us to be superheroes with the capability of saving the world on our own–or even saving the person next door. We’re simply meant to show up with God’s love each day, relying on Him to provide our strength.

Accept His gifts of rest and grace today. Even when setting boundaries is difficult and painful, it is still worth it. You will find yourself showing up more present each day. This process also leads to recognizing which relationships are worth fighting for and which might need to be let go of.

I’ll be praying for you on this journey. ❤

Therefore, since the promise of entering his rest still stands, let us be careful that none of you be found to have fallen short of it. ²For we also have had the good news proclaimed to us, just as they did; but the message they heard was of no value to them, because they did not share the faith of those who obeyed. ³Now we who have believed enter that rest, just as God has said,

“So I declared on oath in my anger,
‘They shall never enter my rest.’”

And yet his works have been finished since the creation of the world.

Hebrews 4:1-3 (NIV)

Shining as a Single Person

Do you feel stuck and discouraged as a single person? I hope these words encourage you ❤

If you’ve been among Christian circles, you’ve likely heard the term, “a season of singleness.” It’s an especially frustrating term for those of us who have been in a particularly long “season of singleness” because it suggests it’s a brief, miserable stage that must be endured before the reward of a spouse.

The truth is, singleness might last for many seasons for some of us. No matter if we’re single for another five years or fifty, are we meant to spend the whole time anxiously waiting for this season to end?

Don’t get me wrong–marriage is a beautiful thing, especially because it was created by God to symbolize His everlasting love for us (His bride, the church).

But what if both singleness and marriage can be beautiful and God-ordained?

Consider this rather strange interaction Jesus had with religious leaders in Matthew:

That same day the Sadducees, who say there is no resurrection, came to him with a question. ²⁴“Teacher,” they said, “Moses told us that if a man dies without having children, his brother must marry the widow and raise up offspring for him. ²⁵Now there were seven brothers among us. The first one married and died, and since he had no children, he left his wife to his brother. ²⁶The same thing happened to the second and third brother, right on down to the seventh. ²⁷Finally, the woman died. ²⁸Now then, at the resurrection, whose wife will she be of the seven, since all of them were married to her?”

²⁹Jesus replied, “You are in error because you do not know the Scriptures or the power of God. ³⁰At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven. ³¹But about the resurrection of the dead—have you not read what God said to you, ³²‘I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob’? He is not the God of the dead but of the living.”

³³When the crowds heard this, they were astonished at his teaching.

Matthew 22:23-33 (NIV)

The Sadducees were trying to test Jesus (as usual) but Jesus (as usual) responded with the unfiltered truth–and gave us a glimpse into Heaven.

God gives us both temporary and eternal blessings. While both reveal His deep love for us, temporary blessings end after we die, while eternal blessings last forever.

Temporary blessings can include a house, career, friends, and even a spouse. Those are amazing things that may be in line with God’s plan for us, yet they will all fade eventually.

But eternal blessings? Those all center on one incredible reality: walking with God forever.

Consider the passage that follows:

Hearing that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees, the Pharisees got together. ³⁵One of them, an expert in the law, tested him with this question: ³⁶“Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”

³⁷Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ ³⁸This is the first and greatest commandment. ³⁹And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ ⁴⁰All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

Matthew 22:34-40

It’s not wrong to desire a relationship. However, whether we’re single or not, our relationship is destined for turmoil if we love our partner more than we love God. When we seek to fill the void in our hearts with a romantic relationship rather than God, we are breaking the greatest commandment in the Bible.

And remember, all of God’s commandments were designed out of His love for us. He knew that we are flawed people who can’t fill every single need for each other. But God is perfect, holy, and eternal. He is the only one who can fill the empty space in our hearts with His unfailing love.

Does this mean we should just abandon the world and live in a montestary?

For most of us, no. (Only if God’s calling you to do so!)

When we are satisfied by our relationship with God, we will be able to extend His love to others with a pure heart–friends, neighbors, strangers, and perhaps even a spouse someday. God’s intention for us is to become more like Jesus, who demonstrated a healthy balance of time alone with God and service to others.

If you’re still dreading another weekend of third-wheeling or grabbing a table for one, consider this wisdom from Paul, (who was also single, by the way):

Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do.

Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches.

Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.

1 Corinthians 7:8, 17, 20 (NIV)

God’s plan for you is perfect. He knows whether you are meant to stay single or get married. Whatever happens, trust that He loves you and can satisfy your needs.

As a single person myself, there are times when the enemy’s lies overshadow God’s truth. Sometimes, I wonder:

Is there something wrong with me that makes me unattractive to others?

Has God forgotten about me?

When will my time come? Or has it already passed, and I missed it?

Will I always be alone?

Will I ever be chosen?

Friend, if you’ve struggled with the same fears, repeat after me:

I will not believe the enemy’s lies. God will take care of me. I am not destined to be alone–in fact, I’m not even alone now, because God is with me.

God chose you and me to be in relationship with Him.

Our time is now. This is the moment for which we’ve been created. We don’t have to sit on our hands and wait for someone to finally notice us.

God already sees us and He’s preparing us to do His will in whatever situation we find ourselves.

Let’s arise and spread God’s love, after first receiving His love for us.

Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.

Isaiah 60:1 (NIV)

Comforting Others in Truth

Do you ever struggle with knowing how to comfort a loved one authentically?

We’ve all faced that moment. Some of us dread it, others seek it out.

When a loved one’s eyes well up with tears as they share the heartbreak they are currently experiencing. You warmly embrace them in a hug, but once you pull away, the moment arrives. Your time to deliver words of comfort.

There are so many ways this moment can go wrong.

Oversharing about your own similar experiences, which puts the spotlight on you instead of your hurting friend. Blasting the person who hurt your friend, to the point where your words become malicious and gossipy. Boldly stating that your friend should just “tough it up.”

A few months ago, after hearing a friend share about her painful situation, I knew what the “right words” were. Words that affirmed her view of the situation. Words that promised a happily ever after.

I felt torn because I wanted her to feel God’s love through me, but I couldn’t be honest by comforting her with promises that weren’t mine to make. I didn’t know if there would be reconciliation. I didn’t know if what was lost would be restored.

In the end, I wasn’t as encouraging as I could’ve been and my friend expressed disappointment in our conversation.

I’m glad I didn’t go against my convictions and spoke fluffy words to her. But this situation made me realize I needed to go back to the Bible to learn how God wants me to comfort others in the future.

I’ve been reading through the book of Zechariah, one of the minor prophets in the Old Testament, and this morning I came across this verse:

The idols speak deceitfully, diviners see visions that lie; they tell dreams that are false, they give comfort in vain. Therefore the people wander like sheep oppressed for lack of a shepherd.

Zechariah 10:2 (NIV)

We are in a culture so focused on affirming ourselves that encouragement and comfort lose their strength and meaning. By inherently being broken people, we won’t find hope within ourselves. We will break promises to each other. Our limited vision prevents us from seeing the future.

So how can we encourage and comfort others in a way that is truthful and meaningful? By reminding them of the promises God–who is always faithful–has already made.

Later on in the same chapter, God makes this promise to His people:

I will strengthen Judah and save the tribes of Joseph. I will restore them because I have compassion on them. They will be as though I had not rejected them, for I am the Lord their God and I will answer them.

Zechariah 10:6 (NIV)

Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross allows all believers to be God’s children and receive His promises. These aren’t empty promises rooted in our flawed selves. These are everlasting promises overflowing with God’s mercy and love.

The next time you are comforting someone, consider referring to this verse, or another verse where God promises His people that He will never abandon them. You may even say something like this:

I’m so sorry for what you are going through. I cannot even comprehend the pain you are experiencing. But God knows exactly what you are going through and He promises to give you His strength when you turn to Him.

Healing takes time, but God is with you and will restore you, even if things don’t look exactly the way you hope. He has compassion on you because He loves you as His child. When you call out to Him, He will answer you.

Could I pray for you?

These words are imperfect, but a starting point. I know that I will likely miss an opportunity to comfort someone again in the future. But when we are willing and open to being led by the Spirit, God will show us who He wants us to comfort, and He will provide us with the words to encourage them.

Pray today to ask God to comfort and strengthen you, and then direct you to someone to comfort with His love.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV)

Releasing Ourselves Into God’s Hands

As we are called to let go of former things, let’s embrace God’s hand in the process as He remains faithful through it all.

At the beginning of 2024, my work-in-progress was titled “Don’t Let Go”. And yet the theme of my life in 2024 was “it’s time to let go”.

While my novel’s title was inspired by a scene where my main character dangled on the edge of a cliff before accepting the helping hand that saved her life–and God certainly wasn’t telling me to jump off a cliff or refuse support–I can’t help but laugh at the irony in God’s plan for my growth over the last twelve months.

Letting go of unhealthy relationships, underutilized belongings, and even unrealistic dreams and expectations has always been particularly challenging for me. It’s heartbreaking to admit that it’s time to let go of someone who was once a dear friend or of a dream that isn’t part of God’s plan for this season of life.

Yet we must release what God calls us to release in order to be open handed, ready to embrace what God has in store for us.

You may be finding yourself in a season of needing to let go. Letting go is painful. It’s a loss, after all, and it comes with its own grieving process.

But there is hope. We have someone we must never let go of, our helping hand when we find ourselves dangling at the edge of (hopefully a metaphorical) cliff. That Someone is Jesus.

Sometimes, it’s difficult to trust that Jesus will always be there to save us when we’ve experienced disappointment from others.

But those experiences often remind us to turn to Jesus for our fulfillment. One time, I experienced deep healing after a conversation with a close friend. But in a following interaction, I was reminded of her humanness and felt discouraged, wondering why God would allow me to experience both rich blessing and slivers of pain from the same person.

That’s when the Spirit gently reminded me that it was out of God’s grace that I had experienced healing from this friend. As amazing as she is, it wasn’t her personality or words or even love that blessed me. It was God working through her, showing His love for me.

Though it still hurts when loved ones act insensitively or don’t follow through, perhaps those moments are opportunities to praise God for being the one who loves us perfectly. He does everything with intention and always remains faithful. We will never be asked to let go of Him.

In fact, as I imagine worldly things disappearing from my fingers into the air like dust, I find my hands waiting, palms up, for someone to fill them. And sure enough, God’s great big fatherly hands embrace mine in an instant. He is everything I need. He is everything you need.

As we step into 2025, join with me in God’s call to release what doesn’t belong to us anymore in order to hold tightly to His goodness, grace, and love.

Who knows? When you let go of what isn’t meant for you, God may very well surprise you with wonderful things you didn’t even imagine were possible.

“Forget the former things;
    do not dwell on the past.
¹⁹See, I am doing a new thing!
    Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the wilderness
    and streams in the wasteland.

Isaiah 43:18-19 (NIV)

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10 (NIV)

10 Verses to Encourage You in Your Relationships

Encouraging and supporting each other can bring joy and transformation, even reflecting Jesus’ sacrificial love.

Let’s be honest: relationships (whether friendly, romantic, familial or otherwise) can be complicated, especially when we love others enough to be authentic and empathetic with them. We experience each other’s wins and losses like our own.

Maybe right now you feel socially depleted or burned out. While rest, balance and boundaries are important in maintaining sustainable relationships, we also must persevere through rocky patches in order to cultivate deep and meaningful relationships.

These first five verses instruct us as to how to live out godly relationships.

Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, ²then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. ³Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

Philippians 2:1-4

When we experience the selfless love of Christ, we will have the desire to share that love with those in our lives.

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

John 13:34-35

Loving one another shows those even outside of our relationships that we have been transformed by the work of Jesus.

You, my brothers and sisters, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the flesh; rather, serve one another humbly in love.

Galatians 5:13

We don’t always get to choose who is in our lives, but we do get to choose how we relate to them. When we approach others with humility, we will be able to cultivate authentic and trusting relationships. Even if others are unwilling to accept our kindness, we know that we are still honoring God by being loving.

“If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them. ⁴Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times come back to you saying ‘I repent,’ you must forgive them.” (Jesus)

Luke 17:3-4

Loving others doesn’t mean we pretend like they are perfect. When conflict arises, it’s loving to address it and work through it for the health of the relationship. When the other person also puts in the work of reconciling, it’s vital that we forgive them rather than hold onto bitterness.

Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. ¹⁶Live in harmony with one another.

Romans 12:15-16

There are some relationships that look like walking through life side-by-side. There will be other relationships that may only be rekindled a few times a year due to busy schedules or geographical distance. Regardless of how close you are to a loved one, when you are together, it’s important to be fully present. Few acts of love are greater than temporarily setting aside your own feelings in order to comfort or encourage someone going through an emotional time.

Now, here are five verses to encourage you to be hopeful about your relationships. While they require work and energy, they can also be a huge source of joy.

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, ²⁵not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Hebrews 10:24-25

(Fun fact: this verse is what kept me going when I first started a Bible study and felt discouraged by the lack of participants. But God has blessed me for continuing to meet by bringing new participants and deepening my friendships with them. I’m so glad I didn’t give up!)

As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.

Proverbs 27:17

I always say that the best relationships are the ones where you can encourage each other to become the best versions of yourselves. While sharpening one another can lead to some friction, in the end both parties are transformed into their best design through the process.

A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.

Proverbs 17:17

There are few things as comforting as a caring friend during a challenging season of life.

Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

John 15:13

“Life” can mean more than life versus death. When we are willing to drop everything to help out a friend or carve out time each week to be present with loved ones, we are expressing sacrificial love too.

But this verse is even more significant when considering its context. Jesus went on to add:

You are my friends if you do what I command. ¹⁵I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

John 15:14-15

We know that Jesus loves us in the deepest sense of the word because He gave up not only His livelihood in Heaven, but His physical life as well, so that we can spend eternity with Him. Though we are simply His creation, Jesus views us as His closest companions, His very own friends! How incredible is that? And we can love Him in return by obeying and trusting Him.

Today, have peace in the knowledge that you are Jesus’ beloved friend. Consider how you might go about your day differently with this blessing in your heart. How might you bless others in your life today?

Tips for Discerning Spiritual Mentorship

Unsure whether to accept spiritual advice from someone in your life? Consider these tips in your discernment process.

Spiritual mentorship can take a variety of forms, whether your mentor is a pastor, church leader, or close friend. Though the term “spiritual mentor” sounds pretty professional, it’s actually just the fancy term for any person you allow to speak into your relationship with God. Often this person gives you advice related to your faith, and perhaps they even preach sermons or teach you about God.

We get to choose who impacts our spiritual life. Given how this is the most important aspect of our lives, we must discern who can be trusted with this authority.

Unfortunately, there are many people out there who have good intentions but do not give godly counsel. Even sadder is that there are still others who intentionally distract people from God’s voice. This isn’t meant to scare you, but with this in mind, it may help you weed out who to receive spiritual direction from.

I’m still in the process of figuring out what a good spiritual mentor looks like, but I’ve been blessed to receive both amazing, godly mentors and others who have taught me what to watch out for. Here are a few tips for discerning whether someone should have spiritual authority in your life:

Does your mentor display these traits?

Humility
Graciousness
Joy
Love
Peace

Mentors come in all personality types, so it isn’t wrong for you to feel more drawn to someone who is energetic while your friend may be drawn to someone calmer and more soothing. However, there are a few core spiritual traits that should be evident in someone spiritually mature.

These gifts of the Holy Spirit reflect a person’s walk with God, particularly humility. It is dangerous to receive advice from someone who believes they have all the answers and take the place of God. They must know their worth: without God, they are nothing, but because of God, they are loved more than they could ever imagine. When we are influenced by people who know their worth, we will feel seen and loved as well.

Does their advice make you feel…

Convicted
Hopeful
Loved
Eager to spend more time with God

These four attributes are vital to sound spiritual advice. If your mentor is constantly praising you without being honest about where you may need to grow, then they are not a credible source of wisdom. The Bible is meant to convict us in a loving way so that we are reminded of our need for God and our call as His creation to love others as we have been loved.

With that said, you shouldn’t feel constantly beaten down either. The Bible is meant to give us hope that while we can’t save ourselves we have a Savior who loves us and allows us to do His work. Someone who puts you constantly to shame may not be aware of their own need for God’s grace. Mentors should be a reflection of God’s voice, not a speaker of the enemy’s deception.

Ask yourself these questions after being with them:

Do I respect them more after this conversation?
How does spending time with them make me feel?
Do I feel prompted to grow or take a proactive step after being with them? (Even if that step means rest or boundaries)
And lastly, the most important one: What gut sense am I receiving after asking God for wisdom?

Make sure you are including God in this discernment process. With Him at the core of your decisions and relationships, you will grow and learn no matter who you are with. Sometimes, we will have a sense that doesn’t align with what we can see, but it may be the Holy Spirit nudging us to either take a leap of faith or step back from a bad situation. Trust that God will provide you with the mentorship you need and pray that you may be surrounded by those who fill you with God’s love.

Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.
Philippians 4:9

Instruct the wise and they will be wiser still; teach the righteous and they will add to their learning.
Proverbs 9:9

Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.
Hebrews 13:7

But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it.
2 Timothy 3:14

When Love Means Letting Go

Relationships can be beautiful, but temporary, like sunsets.

Where I live, it’s beginning to feel like fall. Leaves burn red and orange, the familiar pitter-patter of raindrops splat against my windshield, and there’s a sense of change in the air. Fall is a time for new beginnings, fresh starts, and letting go.

I saw a quote today encouraging us to view relationships like sunsets. Enjoy their beauty while they are here, but accept that they don’t always last forever.

During a recent trip, I was determined to see the sunset every night. On the first night, we happened to be at the beach just in time for sunset. The experience was peaceful, relaxing, and glorious.

The next day, I frantically ran through the streets in search of an entrance to the coastline, desperate for the sunset. We caught the fading remains just as the sun sank behind the puffy purple clouds.

On the third day, with the bold declaration that we wouldn’t be late this time, I set up camp a half hour early, waiting and waiting for the sun to set. This resulted in a headache from being under the direct sun, fire ant bites, and momentarily losing my travel companion. While the sunset was beautiful, it wasn’t quite so relaxing.

Finally, on our last day, I told myself that if I was meant to see the sunset, I would see it. The timing worked out perfectly. Right after dinner, we happened to be next to a beach access just as the sky turned tangerine and pale pink. We were able to bask in the beauty of the sunset without any strains or burdens.

Relationships truly can be like sunsets. When they evolve naturally, they are beautiful and comfortable. Even when they are challenging, they provide growth and insight. But when we force relationships to outlive their lifespan or stay just as they are because we aren’t ready to change, we begin to feel exhausted, frustrated, and lonely.

I’m someone who has trouble letting go of people. When I become friends with someone, I like to go deep and create a meaningful bond. However, letting go can be an act of love. It doesn’t mean you have to stop caring or praying for a person. But it may mean taking a step back, reevaluating the relationship, or saying goodbye altogether.

Even Jesus set boundaries with His disciples. He became close to them through His earthly ministry, and when He knew they were ready to share the gospel, He sent them off as He went up to Heaven. Perhaps they wouldn’t have grown in courage and boldness if Jesus had stayed. When they missed Jesus, He told them that the Holy Spirit would be their helper, someone with them at all times, living inside of them. That gift is even greater than having Jesus physically here with us.

Letting go of loved ones (or perhaps people who are in your life who you’re struggling to like) can be opening a door to a better future. It’s not that you are harming them — in fact, you are participating in their growth and freedom. But perhaps the dependency you have on each other keeps you from fully living into your calling or your dependency on Jesus.

I pray that if you are feeling led to let go of someone in your life, you are able to do it in love and leave the situation with peace. Trust that even if one relationship is ending, there are so many more people out there for you to meet and bless. You are not alone. ❤

But now I am going to him who sent me. None of you asks me, ‘Where are you going?’ ⁶Rather, you are filled with grief because I have said these things. ⁷But very truly I tell you, it is for your good that I am going away. Unless I go away, the Advocate will not come to you; but if I go, I will send him to you. ⁸When he comes, he will prove the world to be in the wrong about sin and righteousness and judgment: ⁹about sin, because people do not believe in me; ¹⁰about righteousness, because I am going to the Father, where you can see me no longer; ¹¹and about judgment, because the prince of this world now stands condemned.

¹²“I have much more to say to you, more than you can now bear. ¹³But when he, the Spirit of truth, comes, he will guide you into all the truth. He will not speak on his own; he will speak only what he hears, and he will tell you what is yet to come. ¹⁴He will glorify me because it is from me that he will receive what he will make known to you. ¹⁵All that belongs to the Father is mine. That is why I said the Spirit will receive from me what he will make known to you.”
John 16: 5-15 (NIV)

Uprooting Resentment

Finding the strength to let go.

I have the uncanny ability to kill plants whenever I’m in my backyard. I’m not sure how it happens, but the badminton birdie or the big green ball or the frisbee will be in the air one minute, and the next it’s steering directly into a flower head.

But weeds, well, those are a whole different story. They are often equipped with thorns to prevent you from removing them by hand, and even when you successfully tear them out of the soil, often their roots are left behind, making your work meaningless.

Sometimes, it feels that way with relationships. Joyful moments with loved ones, like beautiful flowers, can be easily overshadowed by an argument or miscommunication or one person disappointing the other. And when thorny anger takes root…man, those roots run deep.

Anger, especially when it first pops up, isn’t a “wrong” feeling. Often, it’s quite justifiable. Your neighbor didn’t show up when you needed them. A friend lied to you. Your parent unintentionally participated in your need for therapy. A coworker’s mistake cost you a promotion. The list could go on and on.

But there comes a point when the anger begins hurting you more than anything else. It chokes out the life in you each time you replay the painful moment of betrayal.

There comes a time when you need to get on the thick gloves and pull out the sharp shovel to do the real work of uprooting your resentment.

Anger transforming into resentment doesn’t happen overnight. It usually takes a few weeks, sometimes months, and it really thrives on years. In fact, the longer you water it with supporters of your resentment and tend to it with better comebacks, the stronger it becomes.

I am someone who struggles with resentment. I didn’t realize this for a long time, often because I thought my anger was justified. And maybe it was, at first. But then it grew so big, it blocked my vision of seeing anything more beautiful.

Though I am accountable for listening to my resentment over the Holy Spirit’s voice of grace, I was also susceptible to those who encouraged these harmful feelings. They were well-meaning people, of course, but when the voices around us inflate our negative feelings towards others, we need to step back and question whether they are voices worth listening to.

There are two things killed when resentment consumes our lives. The first is our joy. We forget the beautiful things about life and relationships when we focus solely on who hurt us. The second is our love. We begin to question the motives of those who love us, even those who haven’t hurt us, when we allow resentment to tell us that everyone is out to harm us. And we forget how to show others love in the way Jesus has demonstrated for us, through grace and forgiveness and honesty.

Resentment may seem “nicer” than being honest with the people who have hurt us. I know it feels easier, but it’s not.

While confronting others with the truth about their mistakes or admitting there’s a broken piece in our relationship with them is difficult and may result in tears or discomfort, it is vital to forming healthy relationships.

No relationship built on mistrust, false pretenses, and doubt will flourish.

Today, ask Jesus to help you uproot your resentment. It may take some time, but start by avoiding conversations that revolve around complaining about the person who has harmed you, and instead find a healthier way to either approach that person directly (with mercy) or someone who can actually help the situation.

Pray that Jesus opens your heart and fills it with the strength to let go of your resentment and press forward into who you are meant to become.

You are not in this battle alone. ❤

When he arrived and saw what the grace of God had done, he was glad and encouraged them all to remain true to the Lord with all their hearts.
Acts 11:23

For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.
Romans 3:23-24

Friendship Matters

Reflecting on the gift of connection.

Have you ever tried to do something alone that you’ve always done with a friend?

For me, that’s currently exercising. The healthiest I’ve ever been was when I would walk and play tennis with one of my closest friends who used to live down the street. It was more than just getting some fresh air–we would laugh and the time would fly by.

But years later, it’s so much harder to find the motivation to do what used to feel simple. We would walk for miles before forcing ourselves to get other things done. Alone, it’s hard to go even half that distance without getting bored.

Most things in life are more fun with a friend, especially one who inspires, encourages, and pushes you to be the best version of yourself.

Sometimes, as Christians, we get so focused on having a relationship with God that we forget part of that involves community with others. Jesus didn’t do His ministry alone–He chose to have disciples alongside Him. There are so many incredible stories of friendship, loyalty, and endurance in the Bible, such as:

Jonathan and David (1 Samuel 20)

Ruth and Naomi (Ruth 1)

Elisha and Elijah (2 Kings 2)

Mary, Martha, and Jesus (Luke 10; John 11)

Paul and Silas (Acts 16)

And so many others!

When we have been let down or excluded by other believers, it’s easy to give up on reaching out for connection. But it’s still vital to our personal and spiritual growth. We were made for community–from the very beginning, God recognized that Adam was not good alone; he needed a friend (Genesis 2:18).

Even though it may be scary or humbling to seek friendship, I encourage you to take a step towards building a connection this week. Chances are, you aren’t the only one longing for a kind and encouraging companion.

It’s incredible all that God can do when we work together. Just think, you can be part of that amazing purpose too ❤

“Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”
Matthew 18:19-20

Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your family,
and do not go to your relative’s house when disaster strikes you—
better a neighbor nearby than a relative far away.
Proverbs 27:10

Two are better than one,
    because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
    one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
    and has no one to help them up.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10

Fully Known, Fully Loved

Hope for when faith feels overwhelming.

Jesus did many other things as well. If every one of them were written down, I suppose that even the whole world would not have room for the books that would be written.
John 21:25

This verse used to frustrate me. Just when I thought the Bible included everything we needed to know about Jesus, it turns out so much happened that not even the whole world has room for it all!

As followers of Jesus, we long to know Him. That’s the true stem of all the debates, divisions, and doubts in the church. Ultimately, we want to be the one who knows Jesus the most and who understands His teaching the best, so that we’re sure of His love.

But clearly, that’s not how Jesus works.

And in that case, it can feel overwhelming trying to understand Jesus when we know we only have a portion of knowledge about Him.

Have you ever read a book with such deep characters, compelling plotlines, and intertwined with an overwhelming passion that you suddenly wanted to know the author? Or maybe you felt like you knew the author simply through reading their book.

The Bible is designed to teach us how to live and understand our history, for sure. But the most important purpose of the Bible is to draw us closer to God. Through reading it, we can better understand our Creator and desire an intimate relationship with Him.

Part of this craving comes from not ever being able to fully understand all that God is. Perhaps if we had all the stories and all the answers, we wouldn’t long for this relationship so deeply.

As I consider this verse once more, I have a new appreciation for its meaning. Jesus gave us just what we needed in order to understand enough of Him to aim to be like Him and to rest assured that we will always be loved by Him.

This Christmas, no matter the questions and confusions you may have about your future, your faith, or anything in your life, I hope you are filled with peace knowing that no matter what, Jesus loves you.

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Galatians 2:20