Relationship Advice – The Will to Wake Up

Presenting Our Gifts

Do you ever worry your gifts aren’t enough?

Have you ever remembered someone’s birthday last minute and had to muster up a frantic, lower-tier gift? Perhaps a few things stored away in case of a rainy day or something that catches your eye while grocery shopping ends up in the birthday bag.

You already feel self-conscious about this gift, but you don’t have the time or means to give a better present. What makes you almost feel worse is when the receiver acts completely shocked and delighted by the gift, a measly gift in your eyes. A gift that could’ve been so much more, but could never fully repay the gift of this friendship.

I had that experience today. I found out about a friend’s birthday with less than a week to get her a gift, yet she’s been such an amazing friend, I knew I wanted to honor her in this way. I managed to put a gift together the day before, knowing before I even gave it to her that I could’ve done better.

But then, to both my horror and delight, she was completely surprised and eager to open her gift. Without even knowing what was inside (perhaps due to not knowing…) she thanked me profusely for the gift, touched by being remembered, while I wallowed in embarrassment for not trying harder.

As I’ve thought about it more, I’ve begun to contemplate the real purpose of gifts. Often, we give out of appreciation or care for someone else. It’s a way to thank them, or even repay them, for the role they play in our lives. Gift-giving models the gift of salvation we have from Jesus, but on a significantly smaller scale.

Speaking of Jesus, how can we possibly repay Him? We have gifts to bring to Jesus, such as love, thankfulness, and treating others the way He did. However, our gifts can never amount to the extraordinary gifts Jesus continues to give us each day.

Does that mean we should stop giving Jesus our gifts? Absolutely not. When we give Jesus our gifts, especially through helping others, we are showing Jesus that we love Him and that we aren’t putting His gifts to waste.

Should we be ashamed of how our gifts are so small in comparison to all Jesus has done for us? No, not at all. We could never, no matter how hard we try, give as much as Jesus has. We weren’t created to fulfill one of God’s needs. We are here so that God can love us and so that we have the freedom to love God back.

So the next time you are tempted to think little of a thoughtful, yet unassuming gift for either God or a loved one, remember that the value of the gift all comes down to one thing: your heart. When you give from the heart, it means the world to people. Don’t stop giving. Rather, allow yourself to relish in the fact that when we give, we are able to imitate Jesus, the best gift giver of all.

And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift!
2 Corinthians 9:14-15

The Power of a “Thank You”

When have you been particularly touched by a simple act of gratitude?

Thank you. The magic words alongside “please” and “may I”. This simple phrase that we often disregard or use simply out of politeness may be the answer to saving your relationships.

A family member of mine has worked for years for a company that surrounds him with untrained “assistants”, a demanding boss, and a mountain-load of work that spews into his vacation time and weekends. Understandably, he has wished to leave this company for quite some time. You might think a raise or a promotion or a superior title might convince him to continue his job. But no–all he wants is one thing: a simple “thank you”.

A few days ago, a friend reached out with a kind message of appreciation. Up until this point, I was weary of helping this person and considered distancing myself from the friendship. But this message provided renewed energy and a desire to be there for them.

A person close to me has been a devote member of her church for nearly a decade. She offers her time, talents, and energy into a volunteer position that has enough work to really be a paid job. She particularly poured her heart into the Christmas activities and gifts for the leadership team and children’s families. But all she got in return was a half-hearted, pre-printed card, and a candle with wax spilling down the sides. She didn’t serve for the recognition (or else she certainly would’ve left a long time ago!). All she wanted was a simple “Merry Christmas”, a thank-you for her efforts.

Can thank-you’s really be that powerful? Can they transform relationships, work environments, and communities?

I believe they can.

I don’t mean a hastily tossed out “thank-you” as you head out the door. I mean taking the time (which often only takes a few minutes) to send an appreciative text or mail out a thoughtful card. If you are feeling more generous, taking this person out for lunch or buying a small gift. Don’t do it out of obligation, but out of your admiration and gratitude for this person.

We often come up with excuses to not show our gratitude. We’re “too busy” or “don’t have enough money”. But we don’t have to spend money or take much of our time to remind others that they are loved, that their efforts don’t go unnoticed. Just showing up and listening to them can be enough.

At the end of the day, you have to ask yourself: Is this person worth the effort it will take to make them feel appreciated?

I hope the answer is yes. In fact, I hope the answer is that they are worth much more than whatever you can offer.

The truth is, when we have someone in our lives that restores our hope in humanity, who is there in our time of need, or simply makes the world a brighter place, we feel like we have little to offer in return.

That’s the real reason we are scared to say “thank-you”. We don’t believe we can return the favor, so we don’t even try.

But trust me, whatever you do will make a difference. When our acts of service or generosity come from a heart of love, then it won’t matter how big the reward is, if any.

Today, think of someone who has changed your life, even in small ways. Now, take the time to thank them in an intentional way that you know they will personally appreciate. You won’t regret it.

And as this year comes to an end, thank God for His blessings, despite a difficult year, and the people He has placed in your life.

So then, just as you received Christ Jesus as Lord, continue to live your lives in him, rooted and built up in him, strengthened in the faith as you were taught, and overflowing with thankfulness.
Colossians 2:6-7

You Can’t Understand…and That’s Okay

Have you ever told a friend going through a hard time that you understand what they’re going through? Perhaps, though your words were meant well, they were received poorly. Here is some advice and encouragement for your relationships!

Have you ever had someone close to you experience a hardship, potential life or death, and you wanted to do everything in your power to be there for them? You wanted to hold them close, tell them that everything’s going to be okay, and that you understand. You formulate the right text to send or the words to speak, words laced with the love you have for this person. To you, this just feels right.

However, to your despair, they give a short response or even say, “But you don’t understand.”

And those words hurt. They hurt a lot. They hurt because you just poured your heart out to a loved one and you feel like you can understand because you’ve either had a similar experience or you feel other people’s pain deeply.

I know what it’s like to truly believe I understand what someone’s going through, and then have my words received poorly. When that happens, it makes me want to run in the opposite direction and never open my mouth again. Or I want to defend myself, citing evidence as to why I understand exactly what’s going on.

But you know what I’ve learned after trial and error? We actually don’t understand. And maybe that’s okay.

I believe that even if you were placed in the exact same situation at the exact same time in the exact same setting, you would still experience the hardship differently.

I was teaching a group of Sunday schoolers (ages 3-6) last week, and I asked them why they thought God made a diversity of humans and animals.

One little boy answered, “Because it’s more beautiful that way.”

Clearly, small minds do not mean small ideas.

This child was definitely onto something with his response. It is beautiful that we can weave our stories into the lives of others and watch an intricate legacy form. Life is simply more interesting because of our differences.

But the fact that we all see things differently can be scary because we don’t always know how others will react. However, by being sensitive to other people’s experiences and perspectives, we can grow into more empathetic and wise individuals.

While we generally want to understand out of our care and concern for others, we also may have a selfish reason for saying “I understand”. When we bring ourselves into the conversation, we are taking the focus off the person in need and pointing the spotlight onto us.

Have you ever listened to your friend’s dilemma and instantly responded with a story of your own that relates? I am certainly guilty of this. Often, we are more comfortable talking about ourselves than others, maybe for fear of saying the wrong thing or wanting to prove that we don’t have life easy either.

But you have nothing to prove. If you are in a mutual friendship or relationship with someone, they will know that your life isn’t easy. Your time to share will come, but it doesn’t need to be at the same time as theirs.

You also don’t have to prove that you care about your loved one. I guarantee that they will feel more loved by your constant presence, willingness to listen, and thoughtful questions rather than you trying to relate your life to theirs.

It is easier to say “I understand”, but assuming you already understand prevents you from learning more about your loved one or the situation they are in. The more you allow yourself to admit “Hey, maybe I don’t fully understand, but I want to understand”, the more you will actually begin to look at the world from multiple perspectives.

This isn’t to say you shouldn’t try to understand others. You certainly should! However, the best way to understand is going into situations with an open mind to whatever God is trying to teach you from this experience. He places us in each others’ lives intentionally, and He will not waste your efforts, especially when they come from a loving heart.

How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!
Psalm 133:1

Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.
Romans 12:10

It’s Time to Check In

It’s easy to remember to check in on the people in our lives who seem to really need us. But when was the last time you checked in on your friends who “have it all together”?

I once heard that the people who seem to have it the most “together” are the ones who in the most need of being checked in on. I find this to be very true. When people create a large “cover” to hide their deeper feelings, it’s easier for them to be overlooked.

Last week, I got the privilege of spending time with a friend I haven’t seen in nearly a year. As I’m sure you’ve experienced when reconnecting with people after being locked down for so long, we spent the majority of the conversation discussing all we had missed from each other’s lives over the past year. She admitted to feeling frustrated over how people in her life, especially people close to her, assumed everything came easy to her and that she never needed their help. “It’s true,” she said. “Most people think I have it all together. But I really don’t.”

In all honesty, I had regarded her as a person who did have it all together. The perfect grades, a good head on her shoulders, an admirable amount of confidence. Though I wasn’t one of the people she had been referring to, I felt a sense of guilt as I realized I spent more time investing in the people in my life who had obvious needs than people like her. And just because she needed help, she needed someone to ask how she was doing, it doesn’t make her any less of the incredible person I thought she was. All of her accomplishments mean even more now that I know her mindset through those times.

Sometimes, we talk ourselves out of checking in on people. We allow our outward impressions of others to define our relationship with them. We enjoy labeling friends as “the one we have fun with” or “the one we get wise advice from” or “the one who relies on me”. But the truth is, we all need to be shown that we are cared about and that we aren’t going through life alone. And often, the ones who laugh the most and act like everything’s okay are the ones who would appreciate a kind word or a simple act of love the most. They are often the ones who are always overlooked in this sense.

Two and a half years ago, I was in a dark place. I was this close to spiraling into a place of despair. But then a friend reached out to me and checked in. She could see, or perhaps God helped her see, that something was wrong. Something deeper than what I presented on the surface. And that saved me from going into a place I don’t know if I could’ve recovered from.

Today, ask God to bring to your mind someone, or perhaps multiple people, who need you to check in on them. You don’t have to start off with deep, thought-provoking questions. Rather, just see if they need someone to talk to or if you can spend some time with them. Think outside the box, to the people who might seem okay or who might not have anyone in their lives who care about their feelings.

In the Bible, we are told that people will know we follow Jesus because of our love. The greatest commandment is to love God and love people. If we wake up every morning realizing how much love God has for us, we can extend that love to others.

You are loved. ❤

I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.
John 13:34-35

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.
1 John 4:7-8

Carry one another’s burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.
Galatians 6:2

For you were called to be free, brothers and sisters; only don’t use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but serve one another through love.
Galatians 5:13

The Mysterious World of Love Languages

Whether they’re your friend, parent, sibling, or significant other, you want them to feel loved by you. But how can you go about doing that in a way that’s special to them?

Let’s be honest–we all have a preferred way of showing love to others and receiving it. Sometimes, one person’s knitted scarf is another person’s bear hug. It’s important to understand the different love languages in order to help others feel God’s love. Jesus’ biggest command was “Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” This seems simple in theory, but when we combine this command with people who experience love differently than us, it gets complicated. But the best way to understand others is by learning about them.

So…how do we go about doing that?

First of all, we must understand the different love languages, which have been grouped into five categories:

Physical Touch (Hugs, physically being present, rubbing one’s back…)
Words of Affirmation (compliments, thank-you cards…)
Gifts (things bought from the heart)
Quality Time (long calls, spontaneous hang-outs, trips together…)
Acts of Service (doing extra chores, taking the kids for the day…)

So, now that you know all the types, let’s answer a few questions you might have surrounding them.

If I don’t experience one of these types, do they not love me?

Of course not! I used to wonder that, though. When I was growing up, I saw other kids get hugs from their parents all the time, while with my dad, it was more of a yearly thing. I learned to realize that his love language isn’t physical touch, but acts of service, since he was always doing things for me. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me, just that he shows it in a different way.

However, if someone close to you isn’t showing you the type of love that makes you feel loved, it’s possible they just don’t realize that you have a different love language than them. It’s important to speak up and share what makes you feel good. It’s also important to not get too caught up in what we think we lack and rather notice how to help others instead. Sometimes loving others ends up being an act of self-care as well.

Does my receiving type have to be the same as my giving type?

I like to think of people having two types of love languages: the type they give and the type they receive. Sometimes it’s the same, but often it’s different.

For me, I clearly love words, and speaking words of affirmation is my favorite love language. (Though it’s hard to choose just one!) But in terms of receiving love, I feel more loved when people spend quality time with me. To me, time is the most valuable gift a person has, and if they are willing to share it with me, then I am honored.

The bottom line is that it’s okay–good actually– if you encompass multiple types, enjoy all or only one of them, and experience love differently than how you give it out.

How can I find out people’s love langauges?

The first way is the most simple: just ask! Most people know what they enjoy, even if they don’t know the specific “categories”. You don’t have to feel shy about it; it shows that you care when you are willing to ask.

However, there are other ways of figuring this information out too. See how they show you or others love. Even if that’s not their primary receiving love language, I’m sure they still enjoy it and would appreciate the reciprocation. Notice what they talk about a lot and what they are passionate about. That can also give indications as to what they enjoy and what makes them feel alive.

Is there a way to love people “wrong”?

No! God gives us all different spiritual gifts. Yours might be making a delicious meal for a family in need while another’s is writing thoughtful cards. While it’s good to keep in mind what loved ones’ preferred love languages are, it’s also important to stay true to yourself when showing love to others. It may not feel authentic if you do something you are not comfortable with.

As always, follow God’s leading when it comes to loving others. He adores it when we show the world His compassion and kindness. When you follow His Spirit, you’ll be amazed all the people out there who are waiting to experience His love through you. ❤

And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
Ephesians 3:18-19

Life Hack #3: Honestly…

Sharing one of the best pieces of relationship/friendship advice I’ve ever received.

Growing up, how many times did you hear, “Honesty is the best policy”? Perhaps it was during the plagiarism speech at the beginning of every school year. Or maybe it was in a conversation with your parents after losing a friend over a “little white lie”. But have you applied it to your life as an adult?

Random thought: I almost wonder if I should change this series’ name to “Debunking cliché advice”. Hmm…

Anyway, I’ve given this idea of honesty a lot of thought. I’ve been trying to figure out why it’s hard. I’ve come up with three ideas:

We assume honesty means brashness

When someone tells you, “Just be honest with them”, you might picture yourself walking up to a person and crushing their dreams. Or maybe you think honesty means never using tact when talking about a controversial issue.

Well…how should I put this? No! That’s how our society has gotten honesty wrong, especially in light of all the recent tension and civil unrest.

It’s important to be true to your beliefs, especially when standing up for others or for your faith. But it’s also important to realize that people don’t come to their ideas overnight. It has taken years of experiences, pain, and advice from a variety of sources to get them where they are today. So when sharing your views, realize that part of honest means honestly listening to the other side and appreciating them as human beings, even if you don’t agree with them. And you certainly don’t have to agree with them.

Here’s the thing: People will want to listen to you more if you speak the truth in love. People will feel less attacked and more appreciative of where you’re coming from.

2. Honesty takes humility

Ah, humility. This idea revisits us once again, as it seems to do in my own life on a regular basis. We try to run, but we can’t hide from it. Being humble is one of the core attributes of a follower of Christ.

How does honesty take humility, though?

Well, being honest can mean “taking one for the team”. It might mean being the first person to admit you’re nervous about something. Or it could look like sharing your faith even when it isn’t the popular thing to do. Honesty means we’ll have to admit that we aren’t always right, that maybe the thing we were fighting for isn’t the best after all.

And that’s hard. That’s really hard. But if we aren’t honest about those things, we’ll miss out on growing as individuals and in relationships.

3. Honesty means sacrifice

In the movies, when someone makes a startling revelation and reveals the truth, they are often greeting with celebration or victory. But in real life, people may not respond to our honesty in the way we’d like them to. Perhaps it’s a confession of our true feelings, and the other person doesn’t feel the same way. Maybe it’s sharing a controversial viewpoint that sends an old friend away. Whatever it is, if it matters to you, it needs to be shared. Unfortunately, that does often mean losing people. But the true friends, the ones who really care, will be there with you when you show your true self.

Why is honesty so important, anyway?

If being honest takes so much work, why is it so important in life?

Think about it, how has another person’s honesty changed your life? Maybe it was a current significant other making the first move towards building a relationship with you. Perhaps it was a parent admitting their faults and healing some childhood wounds.

Here are a few ways honesty has impacted my life, and as I share, continue to think about your stories too.

Honesty has made me feel more comfortable

A few nights ago, I went to my first social gathering after COVID. I was pretty nervous about seeing a ton of people I hadn’t seen in over a year. Perhaps you’ve also experienced this.

When I first got into the venue, a girl I hadn’t talked to in over two years came up and started chatting with me. I greatly appreciated her efforts, and even more so after what she said next.

“You know,” she said. “I might have seemed forward for coming over here like this, but I really don’t know anyone anymore and I wanted someone to talk to.”

In that moment, that’s what I needed to hear. I wasn’t alone in my nervousness. A gesture she might’ve found awkward or uncomfortable was actually what made me feel comfortable. Her honesty inspired me to reach out to others and be willing to be true to myself.

Honesty significantly impacts the success of romantic relationships

I have a friend who desperately wanted to be in a romantic relationship with someone and she asked for my advice. Though I’ve observed others’ relationships, I didn’t have much personal experience to go off of, so I spoke with a friend who doesn’t know her, so he’d have an unbiased point of view.

I shared with him how my friend has lied about who she likes to her crush and how their relationship has been based off guessing the other person’s feelings and lack of communication.

He replied, “From my experience, particularly my last relationship that didn’t work out, I’d say honesty is the most important thing in relationships. It might already be too late for them.”

And true to his word, once my friend was honest with her crush, she didn’t necessarily receive the response she had been hoping for, but she finally knew the truth. The truth can be hard to swallow, but important for moving forward.

This was also a good reminder to me to start relationships off with honesty rather than trickling it in as time goes on.

Honesty can heal old wounds

As I shared earlier in why some people avoid being honest, there’s this false idea that honesty only hurts people. But the truth is, honesty can be the medicine to a relationship.

I’m currently in a season of transition. Many of my friends are also moving on or moving away, or both. They seem to tie together often.

Anyway, while in a conversation with an old friend who had hurt me in the past, I gingerly brought up how our friendship had ended. I didn’t do in an accusatory way, but in a way that revealed how I had truly felt about the situation. It helped that it happened years ago, so I had time to process and no longer be mad about it.

This brought so much healing and closure to me, and I’m sure to her as well. We were finally able to realize how far we’d come and how we’ve changed as individuals. Honesty takes maturity, I’ll give you that much. That’s why it’s hard. But it’s the only way to find true closure when letting go of the past.

Does God want us to be honest?

Well, I think you can answer that one yourself. But yes, of course He does.

Jesus never sugarcoated things. He was direct, yet also the definition of love. As followers of Jesus, we should strive to do the same thing.

There’s a Proverb that goes, “Wounds from a friend are better than kisses from an enemy”. Are you upset by a person’s honesty right now? Are you doubting yourself for being honest with a loved one?

In the long run, being honest is the only way you’ll truly get places. Today, think about whether your relationships are based on honesty. I guarantee that the ones that are will last far longer than the ones that are not.

Whoever walks in integrity walks securely, but he who makes his ways crooked will be found out.
Proverbs 10:9

And you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.
John 8:32

There are six things that the Lord hates, seven that are an abomination to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked plans, feet that make haste to run to evil, a false witness who breathes out lies, and one who sows discord among brothers. My son, keep your father’s commandment, and forsake not your mother’s teaching.
Proverbs 6:16-20

Life Hack #1: Always Do the “Kind” Thing

Starting a new series on life hacks! Today’s life hack: Always do the kind thing.

I always hated it when, after sharing a long, complicated dilema with a trusted person, I’d get the advice, “Just always do the right thing”. What’s right? How is that helpful?

When figuring out my major last summer, I came across the same issue and same unhelpful advice. “Just do what God wants you to do”. Well, how do I know what that is?

My second time ever speaking in front of my church, I was giving a speech on “Life Hacks” from the Fruits of the Spirit. Through this new series, named appropriately enough, “Life Hacks”, I will be sharing some (hopefully) actually helpful advice when it comes to making decisions. Ultimately, there will never be 100% confirmation that we did what God wanted us to do unless we hear His thundering voice (or still whisper). But the Bible (and life experiences) can give us some clear indicators on knowing we’re working for Jesus.

Life Hack #1: Always do the “kind” thing.

This might sound like a remix of “always do the right thing”, but hear me out. Deep in our hearts, we know when an action is kind or not. We know the place from which our actions spur out of. Only you and God know if you gave that person a gift because you loved them or you expected something back. Only you two know if you donated out of sympathy or obligation.

It’s hard knowing when something’s “right” or not. A lot of times we end up trusting our gut or trying to apply Biblical wisdom to the situation. Both are good, especially going to God’s word. But a sure-proof way of knowing whether or not an action will potentially leave a powerful lasting impact is asking yourself if it’s showing another person kindness.

It sounds a lot easier than it really is. Sometimes, we just want our opinion out there, so we choose to send the sharply worded text rather than sharing an encouraging post. Or being kind requires sacrifice. Maybe it means getting a “bad” reputation or dealing with a person who isn’t liked by society. It could be financial sacrifice too, like trusting God with the bills in order to donate to charity or tithe. Perhaps it’s just getting off the couch after a long day to make dinner for someone else.

But let me tell you something: Whatever the sacrifice, it’s worth it.

On Sunday, I was given the opportunity to show kindness to a family grieving. It was a simple gesture, didn’t require much sacrifice on my part. But the hot, muggy weather was getting to me. I considered just sending a text instead of bringing my freshly baked cookies and card over.

However, I listened to the Holy Spirit, knowing this was truly not a big sacrifice at all in exchange for bringing others joy. And I am so thankful I made the extra effort. It ended up benefiting me as much as it did them. In the moment, I had a meaningful connection. After the fact, I learned that they would be moving soon, and this might’ve been one of my last opportunities to reach out to them.

God knows so much more than we do. Actually, He knows everything. So take His word for it when He tells you to do something that doesn’t make sense, especially when it comes to reaching out and encouraging others.

Jesus knows all about sacrifice. He sacrificed His reputation to dine among “sinners”. He humbled Himself by surrounding Himself with “the least of these”. He sacrificed His own life to save us. Jesus is the definition of kind.

Reflection

Is there someone God’s placing on your heart today? Someone who needs an extra bit of kindness, a tender word or a sweet gesture of appreciation?

I often think back to a powerful quote I read, “Be kind, everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about” (Wendy Mass). Only God knows everyone’s full story, and the only way to get to know someone better is to be kind to them.

And who knows? You might be unexpectedly blessed in the process too.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
1 Corinthians 13: 4-5

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Ephesians 4:29

The Beauty of Silence

How often do you find yourself so consumed by what you want to say, you have trouble listening to others? Here’s some advice!

We often underestimate how powerful our words can be.

I know a lot of people use that line to lead up to a “taming of the tongue” speech, but it’s so true. I’ve been reading through Proverbs (which by the way, if you want an overload of wisdom, go check it out) and there is so much advice about using our words wisely.

Our culture emphasizes saying as much as we can whenever we can. But that leads us to be too busy thinking about what we want to say that we don’t listen to anyone else. Being “quiet” is often undervalued. The quiet people are left on their own to observe life and may even be teased, when in reality, King Solomon in the Bible suggests that the people who use their words sparingly and wisely are the ones we should learn from.

The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.
Proverbs 17:27-28

In a society where anyone can say anything, often via social media, we are encouraged to talk over each other and not really listen to what anyone else is saying. That’s why I’m so glad there’s been a recent push to listen to those who have been previously silenced. An old saying goes, it’s better to be a good listener than a good talker.

I’m sure, whether you enjoy talking or listening more, you have noticed how the outgoing, chatty people attract more friends. Hopefully you have a mix of multiple personalities within your friend group. Would you want to tell your deepest secret or confide your toughest feelings in the popular, talkative friend or in the friend who is a good listener?

Now, I’m not saying that popular, outgoing people can’t be good listeners. Sometimes the quiet people aren’t good listeners either, and are more in their own world. But what I mean is that we can all benefit from taking Solomon’s words to heart and treat each word like a valuable gift. If we use our words sparingly and with wisdom, then we will be less likely to gossip (which destroys friendships), say something in the heat of anger, or say something that offends someone.

If I still haven’t proved to you that being a good listener makes you a better person to be in relationship with, think about it this way. We all have that friend, you know the one, who talks for 90% of the conversation and asks you maybe one or two questions about your life. And while you’re answering, they cut in with their own example. You feel like you have to talk as fast as you can just to get a word in edgewise.

Sometimes I wonder if God feels like we do in that situation when we pray. We spend a chunk of our day simply talking to Him, which He loves, of course. But when do we give Him the chance to guide us? I guarantee what He has to say is more important than what we have to say.

But the best benefit of appreciating silence and learning how to listen is that it will help us be able to discern the voice of God. Our conversations with God are the most important we will ever have. And I use the word “conversation” because that’s what it needs to be– two-way!

I’ve shared here about my experiences with hearing from God, and I’ve noticed that when I am set on my own plans and busier, I have trouble knowing what God is telling me.

That’s why my challenge for you–and me!– this week is to take some intentional quiet time with God. No distractions, just you and God. And I bet that will open the door of communication between the two of you.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
James 1:19

If you would like to hear me read my blog posts and for additional encouragement, check out my new podcast!

Podcast: https://anchor.fm/hannah-chung4