Humble Beginnings

Sometimes it takes getting small before we feel God’s presence.

In a self-focused society, we often forget what it means to be humble. And honestly, it’s quite difficult to be humble when we feel like we’re our only advocate and we must promote ourselves at every given opportunity.

But today I was given the opportunity to remember how important it is to stay small, to remember how fragile things truly are.

This reminder came to me at the horse riding barn where I help out. Before each ride, we let the horses run around the arena to get their playfulness and disobedience out before a rider gets on. Then, to see if they’ve calmed down, we call them in and see if they will come to us and follow us to the gate.

Twice today, I had to get small, bending close the floor, before the horses would respond to me. They don’t know if they can trust you until you prove you have their best interest in mind. That you won’t hurt them, it’s okay.

Only when I got small would the horse come to me.

This can be reflective in our relationship with God, too.

When we are feeling like the best person in the world, we forget that we need God. We have to get small in order to really feel God’s presence.

And when we are honest about our fragility, how nothing is really in our control, then we have the chance to truly trust God.

We can pretend all we want that things will go the way we imagine. We can act like we have complete control over everything.

But we don’t.

And the sooner we admit that, the sooner we can have peace about the future.

Being humble doesn’t mean denying your talents, it means using them for God’s purposes rather than your own. It means that you won’t take every opportunity you can to remind others of what you know. And most of all, it means recognizing your need for God.

Today, dare to get small. Dare to accept that God does have an amazing plan for you, but you need to trust Him first. You can’t do this on your own, and that’s okay.

You have an advocate, the greatest one of all: God. And that’s a real game-changer.

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up.

James 4:10

An Endless Journey Towards Healing

In honor of Mental Health Awareness Month, I will be sharing my personal story to encourage you on your journey ❤

It was like a flip of the switch. Suddenly, the easygoing, joyful young girl I used to recognize was gone. In her place came an overbearing, extremely sensitive, critical little monster.

And that monster was me.

Though a series of difficult events were unfolding in my life, I can’t pinpoint any of them as the root cause of this change. It just…happened.

For a long time, I saw myself as this monster. This person who couldn’t be pleased, who drowned in her own misery when alone. This person who thought nobody wanted to be her friend, when really there were people around who just didn’t notice. And there were some who did notice, but she couldn’t seem to see them at the time.

I look at the past like another lifetime. Another person acting out my life.

And it’s true that much has changed, both in the way I see the world now, and the world itself. But we can’t completely separate ourselves from previous parts of our journey. Pretending like those things don’t bother us anymore is just a disservice to everybody.

Last summer, many of the challenges I faced at the start of my mental health journey resurfaced. But instead of working through them, I pushed them down.

“I’m not the weak, pathetic person I used to be,” I told myself. “I’m over all that.”

But acting like that person was weak and pathetic only caused me further harm. It made me think that I had to be those negative attributes if I was struggling mentally.

I wasn’t weak; I was worn-out and tired. I wasn’t pathetic; I was hungry for the satisfaction and healing that only God can bring.

That was me then, at age 15. That was me last summer. And that is still me today.

When you don’t deal with something, it comes back to face you sooner or later. Sure enough, after being in an unhealthy environment in the fall, I had to remove myself from that community in order to find the deeper healing I needed.

But I can’t say that’s the end of my story.

Sometimes it feels endless, searching for healing. As one thing is resolved, another comes up. But what if we look at each day as a new chance for more than just stress and anxiety?

Every day is a new chance for healing. For grace. For peace.

That also means that every day can be a challenge of trying to accept those gifts from God. It means not feeling worthy of them. It means fighting with my thoughts while trying to focus on the things that actually matter to me.

And it means making healing matter to me.

Mental health can’t be something we push off to tomorrow. You know this. Your mind won’t let you forget it.

Let today be the day that you start to take care of yourself, no matter what others think.

Not everyone will understand. That’s something I had to learn as I’ve begun to take steps towards taking care of myself this year.

But that’s okay. Not everyone needs to understand.

God understands. He designed you, after all, and He will use your story for great things.

It may be hard to see now, but you are growing. You are beautiful, with all your broken pieces. You don’t need to fix yourself. You just need to let the ultimate Healer restore you. ❤

May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and I encourage you to share your story with others. It doesn’t have to be on a big platform or even in public. You can share it with a friend or another loved one. Someone who wants the best for you.

Our stories matter. Sure, they don’t reflect every person’s story. No single story can, and we don’t need to burden ourselves with that great of a task.

Just sharing your story is enough to inspire and empower people. To help them know that they are not alone.

You are not alone. ❤

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.

Mark 12:30-31

Don’t Be Upset When God Gives You What You Asked For

What if I told you that God answers all your prayers, just not in the way you expect?

I’ve heard so many stories of Christians leaving their faith because God “didn’t come through for them”. God didn’t give them the person, the opportunity, or the emotion they were hoping for. God was too late.

And why have Christians been set up to believe that God will give them what they want? Because the Bible says so!

Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you.

Matthew 7:7

Whatever you ask in my name, this I will do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. If you ask me anything in my name, I will do it.

John 14:13-14

The list could go on and on. Yet we don’t always get what we ask for, do we?

Often, we try to use logic to explain away the disappointment. God can’t possibly give everyone what they want, right? What about prayers that contradict each other or those that come from evil intentions?

While those remarks are reasonable, they also place a limit on God’s power. God could make it all work, if that was how things should be.

I believe that God does give us what we ask for. But there are two qualifications that we often forget about when things don’t work out the way we planned.

The first comes from other verses regarding God’s answers to our prayers.

If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be done for you.

John 15:7

Often, we forget about our end of the bargain. We need to want what God wants in order for our requests to be granted. When we align our will with God’s, we will never be disappointed.

God will give us a starting point towards the end goal, but we need to actively participate in this relationship too. It’s like a scholarship for college. An organization believes in you and will fund your way, but you need to do the actual work of obtaining the degree.

God gives you the means, but you have the free will to decide if you will use those gifts to become the person you were created to be, the best version of yourself, or let those blessings slip away.

The second thing to think about is that God does answer every prayer, but He never promises to answer them in the way we thought He would.

Imagine that you are asking to grow in patience. Don’t be surprised if that means you will find yourself surrounded by people who push your buttons. Of course, you didn’t ask God to give you annoying people, but you will certainly grow in patience after the experience.

Or consider the noble prayer of asking for greater trust in God. You will likely be pushed out of your comfort zone with the only option to either trust God or bail off the ship. That may not be pleasant, but you certainly won’t be the same afterwards.

Even prayers like asking God for a loving marriage partner or a career that makes a difference can result in seasons of waiting or humbling jobs that will prepare you for the person or opportunity you desire.

God will give you what you need, but He wants you to be equipped first.

I believe that God answers every prayer because I have often made requests such as those listed above, and found myself in troubling, trying situations. Through the thick of it, I get upset, wondering if God ever answered my prayers.

But when I look back, I am amazed by how those were the seasons I learned the most and came out of the strongest. I often got what I asked for, whether that was comfort from God, a new experience, or growth. But it didn’t come in the form that I had envisioned, which is why I couldn’t appreciate what was happening in the moment.

Fortunately, we have a very patient and understanding God, who is willing to wait for us to figure things out before we are grateful.

This doesn’t mean you should stop asking God for things, especially virtues or traits that would make you more like Christ, even though the way to get those things may be difficult. Instead, I hope these words can encourage you during the journey.

God has not forgotten you. He has heard you and He will transform you into the person you were created to be.

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Philippians 4:6-8

Stepping Into Another Year of Life

A little note on birthdays 🙂

I realized yesterday that I’ve never posted on my birthday, always the day after. But this year is the time for something different.

I love this quote on birthdays by Morgan Harper Nichols:

Take heart.

The value of your life

is not measured in calendar years.

When I was a kid, I used to enjoy the presents and the time with friends for my birthday, but I would also dread getting older. Why be ten when I loved being nine?

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve felt the pressure to speed up the aging process in order to be respected. It’s a compliment to be seen as more mature than you really are.

And I suppose once I hit my 30’s or 40’s, I’ll want to be young again. So the cycle continues.

I think this with a chuckle: We are never really satisfied, are we?

As C.S. Lewis once put it, we are created with an eternal purpose and an eternal soul within us, which means only eternal things can satisfy us.

This year has been a reminder to put everything in God’s hands. Our plans, our dreams, even what we think we need, can change with the flip of a switch. Everything can be gone in an instant, even what we once thought was love.

Except God’s love, of course. That lasts forever.

It’s been painful to realize that things not going smoothly isn’t a sign that I’m not abiding by God’s will. It may very well be that God steered me down an uncomfortable path for a reason. It means that things will hurt and parts of my life will get pruned. But it’s all necessary for beautiful growth.

So today, at the end of a very long year that simultaneously went by in a snap, I will just say one thing:

Cherish what you have while you have it. The loved ones, the opportunities, the peace. But never hold onto anything too tightly, except for God. We float through life like a feather in the wind. But we are headed in the direction–the best direction possible–that God has in mind for us.

So don’t waste away the present by worrying about the future. Instead, hold onto hope as you move forward with a smile, knowing that maybe tomorrow will be a little bit better. ❤

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

2 Corinthians 5:17

You Are Essential

You are needed here, no matter what you have done.

Let’s be honest. We’re all sick of that word, but it’s still there, used to distinguish between the people who “help” and who don’t.

But what if I told you that you are essential, just by being here?

Maybe you haven’t solved the most recent medical crisis or participated in a noteworthy act of kindness.

Maybe you forget to hold the door open or don’t smile at a kid waving at you. Maybe you don’t go the extra mile for others.

Maybe you’ve done things so terrible that your heart aches just thinking about them.

But what if I told you that even with all those things, you are still needed here?

It’s not a question. It’s really a statement.

You. Are. Needed. Here.

Why? Well, glad you asked.

Maybe you’ve messed up. Big time. But that doesn’t mean those choices have to dictate the rest of your life.

Today could be the day you step out and say:

I am worth it.

I do make an impact.

I can use the love I’ve felt to motive me to love others.

And maybe all those things feel like catchphrases that slip in one ear and out the other. Fake. Not in your heart. Mindless.

But what if simple, yet profound phrases actually sink deeper into your heart? What if you allow yourself to believe that those things are really true?

Today you can make a difference. You can reach out and see how that quiet friend is doing. You can bury your pride and check in on a relative. You can welcome rest and grace into all your relationships, including with yourself.

How can we live with such assurance of our purpose? Because we know that God made us for a reason. While things don’t always make sense, God has a greater plan, and will use our gifts for His glory. The little things you do each day will add up, and looking back, you’ll realize how many people you’ve helped.

But the best part is, the more you accept God’s love for you, the more that love will extend to others. That’s the most beautiful thing of all. ❤

Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love.

1 John 4:7-8

Staying Grounded in a Shaky World

Is your mind often consumed by anxious thoughts?

There are days when everything feels up in the air. Your career, your relationships, your faith even. It can feel hopeless, as though you’re stuck in a swirling sea of uncertainty.

The wisest bits of wisdom often come from children, even if they are unaware of what they are truly saying. Last night, I asked a preschool child what she is most afraid of, and her answer resonated most with the adults in the room.

She replied, “I am afraid when there is something new because I don’t know what will happen.”

She hit on the exact mark of why we are so often afraid: Because we don’t know what’s out there.

Another kid added, “I don’t think we’re afraid of the dark itself; we’re afraid of what’s in the dark that could hurt us.”

We are afraid of what could be.

According to Medline Plus, anxiety is characterized by feelings of fear, dread, or uneasiness. That impending doom lurking before us when we forget that God has an even bigger plan for our lives and won’t leave us behind.

But even with God’s help, we know that pain is just a part of life. We will certainly experience it before our time comes. So how can we stay grounded when anxiety consumes our thoughts?

There are a few simple actions I have found helpful when experiencing fear for the future. I’ll call them the three G’s.

Gratitude

Writing down a list of ten things that you are thankful for each day can help remind you that while bad things do happen, so do wonderful things. It can remind you that God has taken care of you and will bring you through this new season too.

Another gratitude related activity that I love is writing down something that you are thankful for related to your senses. For example, this morning I wrote that I’m thankful to feel my dog’s fur, see the beautiful sunshine, and taste fresh baked bread.

Keeping in touch with your surroundings is key. When you feel overwhelmed in a chaotic atmosphere, it can be relieving to start listing out what is close to you and focusing on the little details.

Growth

Keeping a journal of where you are at through different stages of your life is an excellent way to remember how far you’ve come. After a year, or even a shorter time than that, it can be encouraging to reflect on how God has helped you grow. Often, God uses our fear and lack of control over the future to help us trust Him more and more throughout our lives. It’s incredibly beautiful to see.

Grace

Have grace for yourself when feelings of fear rise up within you. You are not a failure for feeling that way.

In the end, we shouldn’t beat ourselves up over our fears. Yes, God told us not to fear countless times in the Bible. But God also knows us and the situations He has planned for us. That means God knows that we will ultimately have moments of fear, and that doesn’t make Him love us any less.

Rather, God wants us to use those moments as opportunities to develop an even richer, deeper faith in Him.

They say you can’t be brave without having fear, because if you weren’t afraid of anything, then nothing is a risk for you.

The same goes for faith. If you don’t have any fear, then you have no reason to trust God.

Today, have grace for yourself, even when you feel yourself slipping. Instead of focusing on what you are disappointed about, remember that each day that you follow Jesus, you are becoming more and more like Him.

For those who are led by the Spirit of God are the children of God. 15 The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father.” 16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.

Romans 8:14-16

You Have Grown In Remarkable Ways

Do you feel like you haven’t made much progress recently?

Do you ever wish you were further ahead in the journey than you currently are? Perhaps you made a bucket list or a set of goals that have yet to be achieved. Or maybe someone’s critical comment continues to sting.

It’s important to look back and see who we were at different points in time. Ten years ago, one year ago, one month ago, even one day ago.

We are often told that looking back means we are living in the past, but I don’t see it that way when we do it to remind ourselves of how far we’ve come.

When we look back reflectively, we won’t want to be the same person we were back then. Instead, we can appreciate how we’ve already grown so much.

There are certainly things that God is still doing in you. Pruning the rough patches, adjusting your mindset.

But God has already done so much. You have already come so far.

As a photographer, I am reminded of how little changes make a great difference. When I find a picture that needs editing, a simple adjustment of light or shadows can make a huge difference.

I don’t make many large edits to most of my pictures, so when I’m through, it can feel like I barely did anything to improve the photo.

Yet when I compare the original to the transformed version, I see how much clearer the beauty is in the new photo. All the distractions are removed and the beauty that was always there is finally revealed.

You have always been beautiful. You have always been God’s treasured creation.

But as you continue to grow, those innate qualities will be more and more clearly revealed.

Don’t give up. You are changing in remarkable ways. Even if you can’t see it now, it’s there. Don’t lose hope. ❤

And we all, who with unveiled faces contemplate the Lord’s glory, are being transformed into his image with ever-increasing glory, which comes from the Lord, who is the Spirit.

2 Corinthians 3:18

College: Expectation Versus Reality

Are you struggling to decide where to go for college or what to do in your next stage of life?

This post is a little different from the norm, but that’s okay! I have experienced so much stress (and growth) through my time in college so far, and I know that younger-Hannah would’ve appreciated some down-to-earth advice about what college is really like when making the big decision.

Here I’ll go through a few college expectations I (or others) have had and how they compare to the truth.

Expectation

I need to have a lot of transfer credits in order to save time in college.

Reality

Transfer credits are only helpful when you have a clear idea of what you want to pursue in college. They can definitely save a lot of time, but the truth is it will likely still take 2-3 years to get an undergraduate degree.

However, getting general education credits before starting at a university is very helpful and just getting a feel of what college level classes are like may ease your level of stress while making that transition.

The best thing to do is check with the universities you are interested in and make sure they will take the credits you are transferring! Don’t stress either way. No matter what, this will be a learning experience for you.

Expectation

I have to make all my forever friends during my first year of college and I have to let go of my high school friends in the process.

Reality

Honestly, it’s true that you will likely drift apart from many of your high school friends if you aren’t going to colleges near each other. However, that doesn’t have to be the case for all your friendships. If you really care about the relationship, then you will be able to make it work. It will just feel different, but different isn’t always a bad thing!

And don’t put pressure on yourself during your freshman year of college, especially when it comes to making friends. You may meet life-long friends during your first year, but a lot of people are in an adjustment period and want to get to know as many people as possible without making lasting comittments.

Though it hurts when people move from one person to the next, that’s unfortunately part of starting fresh in a new place. But that’s okay–you have plenty of time to make wonderful friends during and after college, and over time people will start to value lasting friendships.

Expectation

College has to be the best time of my life.

Reality

Wouldn’t it be sad if you limited yourself to thinking that it’s all downhill after age 21? You have so much of your life ahead of you. Don’t think that college is the “be all or end all” of life.

Honestly, my first few quarters of college were pretty rough. The college experience is different for everyone. But one thing I can promise you is this: No matter where you go, you will learn, find your people, and grow into who you are meant to be.

Expectation

I have to find the perfect college in order to be happy.

Reality

There is no perfect college. Instead of stressing yourself out over where you should go, ask yourself these six questions:

  • Can I see myself living here for a year or more?
  • Have I talked to someone similar to me who went here and enjoyed it?
  • Do they have programs that I’m interested in?
  • Does the school’s values and priorities align with mine?
  • Is the surrounding area a place I’d like to explore or become familiar with?
  • Do the other students seem like people I can learn from and feel comfortable with?

It can be hard to answer all of these at once, especially if you’re unable to visit the campuses you’re looking into. But community, campus environment, and the programs themselves matter so much, way more than I anticipated when choosing a college.

If after doing as much research as you can, you still feel lost, remember that you can’t do anything to mess up God’s plan for you. He will use you wherever you go to do great things.

To sum it all up…

Ultimately, no matter where you go or what you do, you will always be:

Loved

No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us.

1 John 4:12

Made for a Purpose

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:28

Treasured

For you are a people holy to the Lord your God. The Lord your God has chosen you out of all the peoples on the face of the earth to be his people, his treasured possession.

Deuteronomy 7:6

Chosen

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

1 Peter 2:9

Beautiful

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

Ecclesiastes 3:11

And so much more. ❤ Best wishes on this next exciting chapter!

We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience.

Colossians 1:9-11

Not Too Late

Do you feel like you’ve run out of time to pursue your purpose?

We always start out with a plan, right? If events will simply follow the outline, then everything else will fall into place. But as things begin to fall apart, we are left with worthless blueprints and a shattered spirit.

When things don’t go our way, we may think it’s too late. Too late for anything good to happen. Too late to achieve our dreams. Too late even for God to work through us.

We feel lost. Stuck. Abandoned. Hopeless.

But trust me when I say, it’s not too late. Not for you, not for me, not for anybody. For every moment we are breathing, we have a second chance.

And you might be thinking, “Sure, it’s easy for her to say.”

But no, it’s not any easier for me to believe this truth than it is for any of my readers. I’ve been experiencing one of my most directionless times, unsure what to move forward with and what to leave behind.

Even when God has made the best out of my unplanned situations, I tend to doubt that He will follow through in the end. It’s like I forget all He’s done when I’m faced with a new unknown.

But here’s the thing: God uses each of our experiences to help shape us and prepare us for the future. We are more prepared than we think.

And even if you don’t feel like God is listening, I promise you He is. It’s just hard to hear a still, small voice when the world’s worries are pounding in our ears.

Pay attention to the small reminders of His grace. Soak in and accept the unexplainable peace that follows. Surround yourself with wise counsel and supportive friends. Listen to what you know to be true about God’s character.

No matter where you’re at, God has a plan for you. You haven’t done anything to mess it up, no matter what others say. You have not missed out on what’s meant for you. Your story is just beginning. ❤

What if God, although choosing to show his wrath and make his power known, bore with great patience the objects of his wrath—prepared for destruction? What if he did this to make the riches of his glory known to the objects of his mercy, whom he prepared in advance for glory— even us, whom he also called, not only from the Jews but also from the Gentiles?

Romans 9:22-24

Song recommendation: Not Too Late, by Xander Sallows: https://youtu.be/nomUnxG7MAA

Through the Looking Glass

Do you stare at yourself in the mirror and wonder what’s missing?

The next time you look in the mirror, I hope you can remember, this isn’t the whole of who you are.

When you examine your reflection, wondering what could be better, wishing to be someone else, remember that you are only getting a snapshot of who you are.

Staring at old photographs, pondering old dreams, searching for something more, may you know that you were created for more, but you don’t have to become more than who you are in order to fulfill your purpose.

The mirror can lie. The mirror can boast. The mirror can tell us all sorts of things. But there is one thing the mirror cannot tell us.

It can’t tell us who we are inside.

We don’t have to be controlled by a mere reflection. A reflection that changes each day, curving and bending with each new angle or shard of glass. A reflection that isn’t at all who we were made to reflect.

We were made to reflect the One who loves perfectly, who loves us perfectly in fact. We were made to shine the light of our Savior, our Maker, our Helper.

We are made for greater things than worrying about our image. We are made for so much more than this meaningless swirl of doubts.

You, yes you, are here for a reason. So step back from the mirror or the photo or whatever is causing you to feel unworthy.

Open your love letter from God, reach out to the people who love you no matter what, and help where you are needed. There will always be a place for you. You will always be beautiful to God and to others who see you for everything you are. Nothing can ever change your purpose. Nothing. ❤

For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

1 Corinthians 13:12