God will either give us what we ask or give us what we would have asked if we knew everything He knows.
Timothy Keller
Though I read this quote for the first time today, I have been grappling to understand its meaning for years now. Is it really true? Does God really know what’s best for us? Is there a reason behind this waiting, suffering, and discouragement?
My consensus: Yes.
This comes in the wake of an incredibly discouraging week. I’ll spare you most of the details, but a few of the highlights include watching a ministry plummet, learning of a friend’s recent loss, and getting my hopes up about a certain situation (which I’ll go into more detail in) just to get them dashed.
To give some background to this “certain situation”, I must tell you that relationships are everything to me. You’d have to get to know me before realizing that I truly put my all into them. Last summer, a dream came true when one of my best friends visited for a week. We had been friends for years, but this was the first time we spent time together in person. That only strengthened our friendship, yet shortly after we began realizing technology wasn’t on our side. With several states in between us, communicating by phone is crucial. Since late August until last Tuesday, we had only Facetimed once, had a handful of texts, and one voice call. This was extremely draining for both of us, since we had become each other’s confidants and relied on each other. I honestly wasn’t even sure if she was okay and the hardest part was not having any way of finding out.
God’s taught me about control and persistence through this experience. He’s reminded me (as I so often need to remember) that He’s the one in control, not me. He’s whispered “never give up” in my ear countless times. I can’t say I haven’t grown from this experience, despite its difficulty.
Last Tuesday, we thought we had found a solution. We eagerly talked on the phone for half an hour, planning our next call and looking forward to arranging times to get together this summer. I thought I couldn’t be happier! But that night, I realized that our solution was only temporary. Our phones had somehow reversed themselves back again. We had literally tried everything we could think of and more.
During the day on Tuesday, I almost posted about my experience (prior to learning the solution hadn’t worked). On Monday night, as I lay in bed, struggling to fall asleep, I told God about my frustrations over this seemingly hopeless situation. As I shared in my previous post, I’ve been learning about how important it is to be vulnerable with God. So when the impossible happened on Tuesday, I praised God.
It’s taken me two days to think about why what I thought God was giving me had to be taken away again. I’m still not sure, but I have a few ideas.
I wasn’t wrong to praise God on Tuesday. I can (and should) still praise God today, and every day. Even when He doesn’t “come through” the way I want Him to, He’s still a good Father. God gave me what I needed. He gave me the hope to keep going. He allowed us to talk on the phone. The gift of hearing a close friend’s voice after months of silence is invigorating. He reminded me of the importance of gratitude, of not jumping ahead to the next “want/need” before saying thank you and relishing the sense of contentment.
In my Bible study today, I read the story of Lazarus rising from the dead. I’ve heard this story many times, but reading it today gave me new insight.
It was out of Jesus’ love and compassion for Martha and Mary (Lazarus’ sisters) that He didn’t come and heal Lazarus when they called out to Him. He knew what they wanted even before they requested it. But in verse 5 it says,
“Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days, and then he said to his disciples, “Let us go back to Judea.'”
He waited in order to give them an even bigger miracle– a resurrection from the dead! This story could’ve been another healing (which albeit is still incredible), but instead it became a story that would bring a community from disbelief to belief. From grief to rejoicing. From hopeless to hopeful.
Martha and Mary could’ve easily believed that Jesus stopped loving them or didn’t care about their situation when He didn’t show up the way they expected. They could’ve ignored Him when He came two days “late”. But instead, they ran to Him and cried with Him. They asked Him the “hard questions”. And Jesus honored that.
It’s so easy to doubt Jesus when things don’t go our way. But the most important thing to believe when we’re in a tough situation is that God knows what’s best and He’s the only one in charge. Jesus hears every prayer you say, whether out loud, in your head, or in your heart. If you run to Jesus, He will lovingly embrace you. So what’s stopping you?
Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. 42 I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.”
43 When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” 44 The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.
John 11:41
The Lord brings death and makes alive;
he brings down to the grave and raises up.
1 Samuel 2:6
The Will to Wake Up 