mental health – The Will to Wake Up

Fixing What is Broken is Hard — and It’s Worth It

We all have once choice: healing or remaining in our brokenness. Which will you choose today?

When we notice our cracks, our emptiness, and our voids, we have one choice. Will we choose healing or will we choose to remain in our brokenness?

Healing seems like the obvious answer. The word itself brings to mind waves lapping against smooth sand and the rushing sound of water washing us clean. Healing sounds peaceful, and there is a glorious aspect of peace in healing.

But healing is also hard work. It requires us to be honest with ourselves about our brokenness. We often have apologies and reparations to make. And healing isn’t a linear process.

The latter has been the hardest for me to grasp recently. My healing journey began five years ago when I made the decision to surrender my brokenness to Jesus and beg for His help. He listened to me, as He always does, and has helped me grow and let go and discover more of Him since.

There have been fleeting moments of such strong peace that tempt me to wonder if my healing journey is over. Perhaps I am finally the person I have wanted to become.

And then an incident occurs or an unhealthy emotion rises up, and I find myself once again at the mercy of Jesus on account of my deep brokenness.

The hardest part about returning to that place is the sense of failure that accompanies this vulnerable posture. Sitting there in the darkness, I fight doubts over whether or not I’ll ever heal.

And the truth is, we aren’t able to experience complete healing on this side of Heaven because we live in a broken world. We may fully repair one crack just to have a dent appear.

Does that mean healing isn’t worth it?

Absolutely not. Healing is a vital part of sanctification, which is the process we undergo on earth where God helps us become more holy as we grow closer to Him.

While healing isn’t easy, the process itself allows us to trust God on a deeper level and let go of our pride and self-sufficiency. This can deepen our relationships with others because we recognize our need for them, too.

When we arrive at the feet of Jesus in humble submission, He doesn’t shame us. He welcomes us with loving arms. It is a courageous act — not an act of failure — to return to Jesus and ask for His healing. We are often rewarded with His comfort and peace, even if our external (or internal) circumstances are still quite messy.

Another aspect of healing that makes it difficult is the hope it requires. We must believe that we are worth the work it takes to heal. You may not feel worth it right now, and that’s okay.

There is someone who believes you are worth it: Jesus. He was willing to die and rise again to allow you the opportunity not only to experience healing on earth, but to heal fully in Heaven.

I also believe you are worth it. There are others in your life, even if you don’t realize it now, who love you and want you to embrace your God-given identity as a beloved child of the Most High King. None of the lies you believe about yourself, or that have been inflicted upon you by others, are strong enough to remove your identity in Christ.

Call out to God and trust that He hears you. Ask Him who in your life can support you during this time. Then reach out to them and keep your heart open to healing.

You will always be loved. You do not have to embark on this healing journey alone.

When the apostles returned, they reported to Jesus what they had done. Then he took them with him and they withdrew by themselves to a town called Bethsaida,but the crowds learned about it and followed him. He welcomed them and spoke to them about the kingdom of God, and healed those who needed healing.
Luke 9:10-11

And a little bonus Marvel advice 😉 I hope this little scene encourages you as it did me last night:

Loki Season 2 Clip

Hope is Not a Fantasy

Inspirational singer-songwriter, Meyta, shares the redemption story behind his new album, Reverse Psychology.

“I’ve always had the instinct to create this album,” singer-songwriter Meyta recalls, referring to his newly released Reverse Psychology. “I just didn’t have the skills to create it. Then as time progressed, I thought, ‘Oh, finally, I can make this thing’.”

But then two years ago, God prompted Meyta to take a break from music. That’s not a message most artists want to hear, especially when they have the pressing desire to produce a specific album, as Meyta had. It required significant faith and trust to leave his music career in God’s hands, but after clinging to God on what, at times, was a perilous journey toward healing, he knew God would prove Himself faithful.

True to God’s character, Meyta’s year off wasn’t wasted. In fact, the growth Meyta experienced during this break was what prepared him for bringing his dream to life – Reverse Psychology.

“During that time, I got a lot of inner healing in my soul of things that I didn’t even realize I was dealing with,” he shares. “At the end of the year, the Lord spoke to me and said, ‘You’re ready’. A week later, I was contacted by my (now) manager.”

Though this album presents an exciting new step in Meyta’s artistic journey, his passion for music existed even before he devoted his life to Christ.

Meyta’s music career started about eight years ago. As his talents developed, he created the stage name “Meyta”, which means purpose. Even while an agnostic, he perceived that people suffering from mental illness felt worthless because they didn’t understand that they had a purpose in life. Ironically, he was questioning his own purpose at the time, which led to an accidental overdose that caused him to be temporarily paralyzed and hear demonic voices.

“I decided to call out to Jesus and the demons’ voices left and I wasn’t paralyzed anymore,” he says. “I began to realize that my purpose was actually just to be best friends with God. That’s when I started making music for Him.”

In order to write this album, Meyta reflected on his mindset during his most vulnerable season. Through the peace and healing Jesus has brought him over the four years since his overdose, he’s able to revisit that pain with compassion and insight, allowing him to encourage others through his story.

Recently, Jesus has put a specific phrase in Meyta’s mind: hope is not a fantasy. In fact, anyone can have hope and healing when they place their faith in Jesus. While Meyta’s music is centered on mental health, and he approaches deep subject matters with grace and empathy, his message is counter-cultural in that he believes anyone can be made whole again through Jesus.

There is profound comfort found in the lyrics of Meyta’s songs, such as in “You are My Child”, in which a person approaches God with shame, and God counteracts his doubts: “You are my child / I will always love you / I will never forsake you”.

But Meyta also recognizes that accepting the truth of God’s love can be a challenge, especially when lies fill our minds. “Choose to Live” depicts the struggle of someone grappling with overwhelming brokenness: “Right now I’m defeated, and broken within / And I’m convinced I won’t be happy again”.

“A lot of artists tell (their listeners) to stay in those emotions,” Meyta explains. “The challenge is that there really is hope. You don’t have to be stuck in those emotions.”

Hope and purpose are intermingled for Meyta and they are rooted in one source: Jesus.

“When I gave my life to Jesus, I realized that He’s been waiting to heal me from my deep depression and my deep anxiety,” he says. “I would wake up and I’d just start laughing because I realized I’d been lied to. I didn’t realize that I could have hope. I was just laughing out of joy.”

“Choose to Live” continues with the speaker remembering that hope comes in the morning, as it did for Meyta: “But I know in the morning my mind will change / My life has value / So I choose to live”.

To those who feel discouraged or doubtful of Jesus’ loving purpose for them, Meyta turns to his own redemption story as proof of Jesus’ mercy.

“If He’s able to take a boy that’s depressed out of his mind and trying to escape through everything…(and) I was really at the point of giving up,” he says. “If He was able to give me hope for the first time ever, then He’s able to really flip around anyone’s life.”

As Christians, we are called to share our hope with those around us. Meyta believes that living out our callings, using whatever unique gifts God has given us, is one way to encourage others. Another is to be intentional about our relationships and share how God has changed us.

Meyta’s genuine care and concern for his listeners is evident in his future goals as a musician, particularly with considering the possibility of touring.

“Being able to look those people in the eye – that’s what excites me,” he says with a smile.

Though the journey has been painful, confusing, and even near-death, Meyta trusts that he wouldn’t have grown into the person he is today, both as a musician and follower of Jesus, without these experiences.

As an artist, he’s had to overcome comparison, competition, and feeling insignificant. He wants others struggling with these issues to realize that believing their turn will never come is a lie. Life will unfold in beautiful and surprising ways when we switch our mindsets away from our personal goals and instead ask God to speak into our lives.

“Who am I to compare myself to someone’s chapter twenty when I’m at chapter ten?” he adds.

After trial and error, taking a year off from producing music, and embracing much personal healing, Meyta is proud to finally unveil Reverse Psychology, which embodies his own coming-of-age story of finding hope. His favorite song in his album is “All You’ve Ever Known”.

“All You’ve Ever Known” encapsulates the heart of Reverse Psychology, which is the transformation from being deceived by the cheap offerings of this world to embarking on a quest for truth and purpose, ultimately found in God’s love. Though “All You’ve Ever Known” focuses on facing harsh realities, it’s also singed with promise as the speaker fervently pursues the belief that there is more to life than suffering.

“That song means so much to me. I love how it’s kind of ambiguous for people to figure out for themselves,” Meyta says. “Every time I listen to it, it means something different to me.”

Meyta hopes that listeners will not only enjoy his music and be moved by his personal story, but also identify with the lyrics for themselves. And most of all, Meyta calls us to remember that hope is within reach when we least expect it as long as we don’t give up.

Find Meyta’s music on your favorite music-streaming platform: Reverse Psychology

Follow Meyta on Instagram: @wehavemeyta

We know that suffering produces perseverance;perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.
Romans 5:3-5 (NIV)

Seeking Hope in the Rain

Hope when healing feels out of reach.

I’m not sure where you are on the healing journey, but most of us know what it’s like to experience a relapse, a step backwards. We find ourselves in desperate need of healing and help and most of all, Jesus.

The image I often associate with my initial breaking point is fifteen-year-old Hannah listening to somber music while walking her dog during a downpour. She was lonely, discouraged, and doubting. And yesterday, I found myself there once again. Five years older, but suddenly not feeling any wiser.

Maybe you’ve asked yourself the same questions I did: Am I a complete failure for cycling back to the same place? Where do I go from here? Did I even heal at all? What does God think of me right now?

And in the middle of immense grief — grief over things I couldn’t even describe — I suddenly felt a surge of hope. I hurried home and journaled. As I wrote, I didn’t have exact solutions to my problems, but I did feel lighter.

I continue to have hope because I realized I wasn’t in the same place again. I will never be in the exact same place again. The setting, the outfit, the feelings — they may all appear the same. But I am not who I was at the beginning of this journey, and neither are you.

Life is like a staircase. Each day we spend with Jesus, asking for His insight and help in our lives, we take one step up the staircase. When there are days of taking steps backward, we aren’t negating entire months or years of steps. Our progress is not hindered by one setback to the degree it often seems. We aren’t jumping off the banister for forgetting to pray or making a mistake.

Instead, a step backwards causes us to pause and remember our need for God. The longer we climb this staircase, the less likely we are to keep moving backwards after a misstep. It will become natural to turn to God in the face of defeat, depression, or disaster.

You may see immediate or gradual changes in your reactions to setbacks. The next day might seem brighter. You may be able to smile at yourself in the mirror again. You may even be able to praise God in the middle of your suffering.

But even if you can’t see those changes yet, God has not left you in the same dark place. He hears your cries and is right by your side. Your feelings don’t dictate His feelings for you. Whether you feel like a pathetic failure or have fully embraced your status as an infinitely loved child of God, your identity never changes. You will always be God’s beloved child.

I am so thankful that the rain doesn’t last forever. Sometimes, the relief comes in pockets of sunlight between storms. Today, a rainbow stretched across the sky as rain pattered down my back. And I smiled because I took time to notice its beauty even as the rain persisted. With my eyes fixed on hope, the rain seemed less intense.

I pray that however you feel today, you can find courage and hope in knowing that God’s opinion of you never wavers. He will always love you and want you to come back to Him. The rain won’t last forever. But don’t be afraid to search for the rainbows even through the rainy seasons.

Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. ²⁵The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock.
Matthew 7:24-25

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.
Psalm 56:8

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.
Romans 5:3-5

The Power of Reversing

Reorienting our self-talk to be centered on God’s promises for us.

Isn’t it funny how the same words can mean one thing if read from top to bottom and mean the opposite if read from bottom to top?

That’s the magic of reversible poetry, which has been my favorite puzzle recently. For reference, here is an example I wrote last night:

This is where your journey lies

Restarting here

Washed-up dreams,

Lonely crevices

Emptiness and despair

You no longer know

Audacious hope,

This joy inside

It abandons you.

Don’t ever believe

Inspiration will find you.

Rather disparaging, until read like this…

Inspiration will find you

Don’t ever believe

It abandons you.

This joy inside

Audacious hope,

You no longer know

Emptiness and despair

Lonely crevices

Washed-up dreams,

Restarting here

Is where your journey lies.

Sometimes, our self-talk sounds a bit like the first poem. It may beat us down, telling us that there is no hope, and that all the problems around us are a result of God abandoning us. However, God’s voice says the opposite.

While the world constantly tells us that we are alone, the Holy Spirit dwells in us, reminding us over and over through peace that we are never alone. When we see others who live out our dreams and fantasies, the inner critic prompts us to compare ourselves in shame. But God reminds us that we are chosen and created on purpose. Our stories are still being written. We have reason to be hopeful.

The frustrating part is that our inner critic, often the voice of the enemy, shouts and screams while the voice of God tends to be gentler. We have to listen for it. But the good news is that the enemy is not very creative. Often, he merely reverses the promises of God into lies that make us feel betrayed and abandoned.

Today, write out the frequent phrases or words that spin around in your head and cause you grief or anxiety. Then, write the reverse of them.

For example, my mind often tells me that I am forgotten. However, the truth is that I am remembered and predestined by God to do His amazing work.

Then, read through your Bible, or use an online Bible resource (such as Biblegateway) to look up the key words in your phrases and see what the Bible says specifically about your situation. More often than not, you will be able to slowly overcome these lies and realize that there is so much more ahead for you.

God’s got you in His hands. You are never alone. ❤

And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

²⁸And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. ²⁹For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters.
Romans 8:27-29

Speak What You Need to Hear

Reflecting on the words that make a difference during painful seasons of life.

Most of us have been through (or are currently going through) a time in life of doubting our self-worth, questioning whether we belong, and wondering if we even have a purpose. Whether through ongoing mental health difficulties or external circumstances, dealing with the heaviness of isolation and hopelessness can cause us to spiral into doubt over whether or not anyone–even God–cares.

What words would’ve comforted or reassured you during that season?

Perhaps:

You are loved no matter what.

You are wanted here.

You matter to me.

You belong just as you are.

God’s grace is sufficient for you and made perfect in every weakness.

You have a purpose, even if you can’t see it yet.

Keep extending this list, contemplating what would’ve soothed your soul during troubling times.

When we are in seasons like this, it can be easy to believe the lie that we are the only ones who feel this way. No one knows how I feel. No one has been where I’m standing right now.

And while each journey is individual and personal, we share common experiences as human beings. In fact, that’s what connects us to one another and allows for empathy.

When we are in lighter seasons, we may forget that there are those struggling, unable to put out their best selves right now. We may be hurt by unreciprocated generosity or unanswered texts and calls.

During these times, it is important to journey back to the messages we would’ve benefitted from hearing during our times of weariness and despair. It will likely feel vulnerable to repeat these mantras of truth and grace to someone else, not knowing how they will be received.

It’s true: you might be laughed at or responded to with silence. But even with those reactions, or ones that feel sincere and heartfelt, these words will make a difference.

We often respond with laughter or skepticism when we are uncomfortable. We often respond with silence when we are scared. Sometimes receiving loving truths is uncomfortable and frightening, yet it is also vital to our journey toward healing.

Today, think of a person in your life who may need to experience God’s truth of their worth through you. Then speak these words in a way that allows them to experience grace and compassion. Whether you ever feel appreciated afterwards or not, it will make an incredible impact on someone else’s life. ❤

Since God chose you to be the holy people he loves, you must clothe yourselves with tenderhearted mercy, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience.
Colossians 3:12

Instead, we will speak the truth in love, growing in every way more and more like Christ, who is the head of his body, the church.
Ephesians 4:15

The Power of Lament

What if your pain can bring you closer to God?

Some call it feeling “low”, others call it “the blues”. But in reality, that sinking, twisting pang of sorrow, longing, or even misery can seem to great for words.

Yet what if words, though shallow they may feel, can actually bring deeper healing?

I used to feel guilty for complaining to God, but recently I’ve discovered the power of a prayer of lament. It’s not a long list of complaints, gossip, or ramblings. Rather, it’s a chance to grow closer to God by trusting Him with your deepest feelings, even when they are negative.

God cares about you–not just the sunny, cheerful parts or the action-packed, exciting moments. Not even the side that witnesses best. It is through dealing with the painful, dark times that we can open ourselves fully to the love God has for us and the love we are meant to share with others.

So, how do you write a lament? Here are a few simple steps (though really, with patience and reflection, will be so much more than simple):

Address God (what names make you feel most connected to Him?)
Admit your innermost feelings. Even if they don’t feel right or true, just write them out. Sometimes looking at words on a page can help them feel less overwhelming.
Remember the ways that God has shown up for you in the past and thank Him.
Find an aspect of your life that brings you hope. It doesn’t have to be big to be meaningful.

God loves you so much and wants desperately to hear from you. No matter what you are going through, you are not in this alone.<3

For no one is cast off
    by the Lord forever.

Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
    so great is his unfailing love.
For he does not willingly bring affliction
    or grief to anyone.
Lamentations 3:31-33

You are Not Forgotten

No matter how you feel today, you are not alone.

I stood at the edge of the curb, rain dripping down my back, one earbud hanging loose over my shoulder. Angry, confused, wondering what was wrong with me.

And then soft words, as though an angel were singing in my ear, flowed through my remaining earbud:

You are not hidden
There’s never been a moment
You were forgotten.
Lauren Daigle, “Rescue”

That was four years ago, and yet her words never cease to haunt me. In the most comforting way possible, of course. But it’s funny how someone’s simple words can reach into your soul and pull something out that you never thought possible.

I’ve come to notice a trend in theology classes: they always start with Genesis. No surprise there. But this year, after reading these chapters countless times, my professor brought something new to light.

The first time we hear God speak to Adam and Eve, He asks, “Where are you?”. And this question, my professor remarked, is what God continues to ask humanity throughout history. Even now, each day, God might ask this of us.

It’s weird how difficult it is to answer that question. I mean, there’s the simple answer, “I’m at ___ address”, or even if you were to take it metaphorically, “I’m at peace in my life right now”.

Yet I don’t think I really had an answer until I didn’t know where I was geographically.

I was sitting in my room–which had only been “mine” for a few days–in Cambridge, overlooking a river full of punting boats and swans. I couldn’t tell you where to find me or how to get anywhere other than the local grocery store from there. And yet, as I took a deep, steady breath, I finally knew where I was. I wasn’t in hiding anymore.

Last week, I sat alone on the grass on my university’s campus watching the bright yellow leaves float down around me. This campus has engulfed me in loneliness, gripped me with terror, and coated me with shame. And yet, I could finally sit comfortably where anyone could see me and feel well.

God doesn’t ask Where are you because He wants to “get us” for our sin or pile on guilt. God asks because He wants to be in relationship with us, and we can’t have a loving, open relationship without being brave enough to present our full selves. To come out of hiding. To be honest about how we truly feel and what we’ve become.

Ultimately, God asks this of us because He never forgets us. He remembers us. Through the tears that came down with the thunder and lightning roaring inside to the quiet moments where no one knew we were hurting.

God remembers us in the joyful moments, the excitement that no one else can truly understand but Him. In the meaningful connections, the smile after the conversation is long since over, the memory that keeps us alive.

While we’ll always be remembered by God, we can’t feel remembered until we step into the light and allow God’s love to cover any inadequacies we still face.

Today, I hope you can believe that you are not forgotten. God loves you so much and He will never let you go.

I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life.
Genesis 9:15

Purpose in the Passion

Do you ever feel like pursuing your passions is a waste?

We all have something we feel passionately about.

Perhaps it’s something that carries weight for many people, such as supporting human rights or taking care of God’s creation or spreading Christlike love. Or maybe it’s something that’s been a cause of embarrassment, like an obscure hobby or a career goal that feels out of reach. Maybe it’s staying faithful to be there for someone who has been difficult in the past or an outsider in your community.

Whatever this passion is, it has a purpose. God gives us our passions for a reason.

They may feel insignificant to others or even to ourselves when we begin to doubt. Why are we wasting time caring about this thing or person when so many other things are going on in the world?

But we aren’t in charge of the whole world, and that’s a big relief.

Rather, we are given specific passions so that we can actually make an impact.

If you have a passion that feels God-given, don’t let anyone tell you that your work is meaningless. Taking part in things that bring you joy and allow you to step into God’s calling for your life is one of the most incredible things you can do.

Today, ask yourself what are the top five things you feel passionately about. Try to make them as specific as possible, such as caring for the needs of a particular friend or participating in the rebuilding of relationships during a divisive time in your community.

Your passions matter. Repeat that with me. No matter how insignificant or far-fetched they feel, if they matter to you, then they matter to God.

You are uniquely gifted to be in the space you fill. Trust that God can use you to do amazing things, and watch your life bloom from there.

Therefore you do not lack any spiritual gift as you eagerly wait for our Lord Jesus Christ to be revealed.He will also keep you firm to the end, so that you will be blameless on the day of our Lord Jesus Christ.
1 Corinthians 1:7-8

To the Person Saying Goodbye

To those who are facing emotional goodbyes.

Dear Hopeful,

Perhaps this season brings you relief. It’s been a long year, a tiring year. A year that’s asked so much of you, and may have felt like it offered little in return for all your sacrifices and heartache.

Or maybe you are hoping that this isn’t goodbye. These last few months may have offered you a time to rest and find inspiration again. You don’t want to lose what you have here, yet it feels like life is slipping through your fingers.

This may be goodbye to a season of life, a relationship, or something tangible that’s either held you back or given you courage. Regardless of whether or not you want to say goodbye, stepping away from something familiar is difficult.

Give yourself grace.

Grace for the unexpected tears.

Grace for the laughter when it doesn’t feel appropriate.

Grace for the stumbles and mistakes.

Grace for when you don’t even know how to feel anymore.

You are not weak for needing time to process. Working through your feelings is the only way to find peace and move forward.

Goodbyes are inevitable, but so are new beginnings. Allow yourself to be excited for the future, no matter what unknowns lie ahead.

No matter what, don’t give up hoping. Life will get better, even if “better” simply means finding peace and being grateful even through hardships.

You are loved. ❤

Sincerely,

Hannah

Let Yourself Feel Joy

Do you avoid hoping for fear of disappointment?

It’s so easy to allow fear to steal away the best moments of our lives.

Fear may come in the form of rationality or jadedness. Perhaps we just “know” that things never stay good for long. And what do we expect, in this broken world?

But if we never allow ourselves to feel joy, then what are we living for?

You may feel stronger by not getting your hopes up. By saying that things always end up in disappointment. By not being surprised when hard times come.

But what if that isn’t strength? What if that’s giving into fear?

Fear of not being in control of your life. Fear of not truly knowing how long good things will last.

We can’t experience joy until we fully accept that we aren’t in control.

It’s a hard truth to come to grips with, especially in the face of so many tragedies, both in our personal lives and in the world. The ache of disappointment. The heartbreak of rejection. But holding onto a false sense of security only hurts us.

And most of all, it robs us of the beauty life can bring.

So, how can we fully experience joy?

By making the most of the little things. By taking each day as it comes. By not judging yourself too hard when you feel yourself regressing or not living up to the impossible standards society demands of us.

It’s okay if you don’t feel happy today. But you don’t have to be happy to feel grateful. Grateful that the sun still rose today. Grateful for the people who are always there for you. Grateful for a moment to rest.

Expect disappointment, and that’s what you’ll get. But hope for something more? Then you’ll surely have a higher chance of finding joy.

The truest source of joy comes from Jesus, who never changes. His plans are far greater than anything we could ever imagine. While we may be disappointed in the moment, Jesus promises that our lives aren’t wasted. He will restore our joy. ❤

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13