Loss – The Will to Wake Up

To The Person Doubting Love

One person’s lack of love doesn’t extinguish everyone else’s potential to care about you. ❤

Dear Heartbroken,

Hoping, praying, expecting for so long, yet met with disappointment. So sure that this was the perfect time, that you were finally ready. And now, everything has fallen apart.

You may look in the mirror and doubt your true beauty. You may walk along the streets, resenting those who seem to have what would fill the void in your heart.

Tired, achy, longing for more. Knowing that you were made for more.

And yet somehow…stuck here. Fragile little bits of yourself strewn around you with little hope of every being whole again.

But you are not fragile or broken or defeated. Yes, you feel small and vulnerable, but in our weakest moments, light can still pour in.

During times when you feel unsure of yourself, remember that you have someone beside you to bring you hope. To love you the way that many humans haven’t before.

Though you may be tired of hearing this, let this be the day when the words finally sink in.

Jesus loves you. More than anyone ever could. Even when you feel at your weakest, He will make you strong.

It won’t happen instantaneously. You may still feel tired after calling out to Him, yet perhaps you will also have a sense of peace. A renewal of energy, even if for a second.

And through it all, you will be reminded that you aren’t alone.

While Jesus is the only one who can love us unconditionally, even though people are flawed, they still have the potential to love beautifully. Don’t let one, or even several, heartbreaks cause you to doubt the validity of love.

Love comes in many forms. Just because one form didn’t work out doesn’t mean you should give up on all the rest.

Instead, exhibit the love you wish to receive. Not blindly trusting those put in your path, but rather listening intentionally, offering kindness and generosity when given the chance, and being gracious when mistakes are made.

If we all demonstrated the love we long for, our world would be a much lovelier place. So let this transformation start with you. ❤

Sincerely,

Hannah

These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
1 Peter 1:7-9

Why Saying Goodbye to a Comfort Character Feels Real

Have you ever wondered why a piece of you feels missing after a favorite series ends?

Have you ever felt close to a fictional character? Perhaps it’s the way they talk or make you laugh or help you feel less alone. But then, when the inevitable time comes for the show or series to end, you’re left feeling empty inside, like you are losing a real friend. Whoever the character is, they make you feel seen or cared about in some strange, unexplainable way.

If you’ve shed a tear or lost a night’s sleep over a fictional character, you’re in good company. Perhaps it’s the increased accessibility to media or the fact that people feel lonelier than ever these days, but losing a character who makes you valued can be heartbreaking.

However, if you’ve shared this experience, you may have also felt silly for getting upset by someone “not real”. Yet these feelings are more valid than you might realize.

After spending the past couple years far away from loved ones and living through our screens, it’s only natural for our minds to merge our “real” relationships with our “on-screen” ones. The awesome thing about technology is how we are able to connect with people from all over the world. However, that also means many of our relationships are long distance, and our sense of reality gets altered.

Therefore, when our brains convince us that these characters are real friends, we feel like we’re experiencing a real loss. This may trigger past experiences of ending a relationship, losing a loved one, or having a source of security become unstable.

You are free to feel grief when a source of comfort is lost or a season has come to an end.

But, we don’t have to stay stuck in those feelings.

We have someone very real, despite also not being tangible, who is right here with us. And, you guessed it, Jesus is the best source of comfort.

Jesus doesn’t change. He will always be loving and powerful and patient. He will always be there for you, no matter what you are going through or what you’re feeling.

Just think about that for a moment: Jesus doesn’t ever change. We can’t even fathom that because everything–our Earth, our society, our loved ones, us–change. And that’s what makes us crave comfort or stability.

But Jesus promises that He will be faithful to the end and even after the end. He wants us to cling to Him when we feel afraid or unloved or isolated. Jesus will remind us that He is our source of courage and He paid the ultimate sacrifice to be there for us. We are never alone.

So today, don’t feel guilty for whatever you’re feeling. Instead, bring all these complicated emotions to God and allow yourself to feel comforted knowing that there will always be one thing that never changes.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
Hebrews 13:8

Joy Can Be Found in Every Season

No matter what season you’re in, joy can still be found.

Does each new season of life come abruptly for you? In certain seasons, this change may be warmly welcomed. But in others, this shift feels like the rug has been torn out from under your feet.

Each season is unique and special, both in its pain and healing. But what if I told you that joy can be found in every season, even the most difficult?

Every individual’s life is different, but I often think of life as having five general seasons (not always cycling in the same order).

A season of preparation (also thought of as waiting, though I’ll explain the difference in word choice momentarily)
A season of loss
A season of trials
A season of rest and healing
A season of new opportunities

Now, once again, I’d like to clarify that our lives are too complex to be minimize and shoved into a set of five boxes. However, for the sake of simplicity, we will stick to these five main categories for today. I also realize that my life doesn’t mirror everyone’s lives, but I will use personal illustrations because these seasons have been so clearly reflected throughout my past year.

I use the word preparation rather than waiting because I believe we are waiting in every season. In a season of preparation, we are eagerly anticipating what’s to come. In a season of loss, we are waiting for the pain to ease. In times of testing and trials, we are waiting for our hard work and persistence to pay off. When we are recovering from fast-moving seasons, we are waiting to feel ourselves again. And when we are being restored, we are waiting to see what comes next.

Yet, through everything, we can still have hope and joy.

The SEason of Preparation

I distinctly remember this season starting. I had just graduated and the future felt so bright and hopeful. Yet, I was overcome by a sense of longing, a desire to move forward faster. Little did I know all that lie ahead.

Now, I firmly believe that preparing is an active word. When we feel stagnant in our current states, we must take the time God is giving us to be with Him, encourage others, and spend time in the Bible. We must be ready for what’s to come, yet ultimately trusting God with whatever the future holds.

How can we have joy when life feels boring?

We can reflect on the past and all that God has done through our different stages of life. We can develop our dreams and see how they align with God’s will for us. We can get excited about the future while being intentional about noticing what’s beautiful in the present.

More than any other season, intentionality is key as we prepare for what God has in store for us. Our time won’t feel wasted when we know our efforts are being put to good use.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Ephesians 2:10

The season of loss

This is arguably the most difficult season to find joy. When a loved one or a dream is stripped away from us, we are left feeling wounded, abandoned, and empty.

During this season, we are tempted to escape from the deep healing God is trying to stir within us. Last summer, I experienced loss and a sense of impending doom for the future. I wanted to run away from my problems, and I tried to do that, only to be faced with the truth.

God only wants the best for us. When we are experiencing pain, He is using that to draw us closer to Him. That doesn’t mean we should belittle our pain or brush off the efforts of others to relieve it.

Rather, we should allow ourselves to feel the depth of our pain and heartache. We may not always be in safe places to do this, but when we are given the opportunity, we must be honest with our feelings.

I have often found that my most intimate moments with God come out of seasons of disappointment, loneliness, and grief.

Allow yourself to be immersed in God’s comfort and love. Let these truths sink in:

You are loved.

You are important.

This person, this dream, this opportunity matters.

Your feelings matter.

You are going to get through this, one day at a time.

You can still find joy in this season by realizing you have the unique opportunity to feel God’s very presence in your life. You are able to relate to Jesus’ pain in a way you never have before. And ultimately, this season will lead to deeper healing.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
2 Corinthians 1:3-7

The season of Trials

This season may feel as difficult as the season of loss, yet for different reasons. Instead of feeling immense sadness or grief, you are faced with feelings of frustration and discouragement. You may even wonder whether or not you have a purpose.

You may be tempted to give up when the end feels so far away, yet our greatest strength comes from our most trying circumstances.

We experience the most growth during our tests of faith and perseverance. This growth should not be taken lightly. It is a true gift to be able to develop the skills and characteristics God has placed within us.

We can find joy in the fact that we are becoming more and more like Jesus the longer we follow Him and allow His love to infiltrate every aspect of our lives.

Yes, you are being challenged, and yes, you deserve time to rest. You may feel stretched to the limits, perhaps both emotionally and physically. But you can trust that this time is not being wasted.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4

The season of rest and healing

Though some would rather choose to “skip” this season, we all must take the time to rest and heal from the strain life puts on us.

You are not weak for needing rest. You are not weak for needing time to heal. You are certainly not weak for asking for help during this season, whether it be from a trusted mentor, a close friend, or a professional skilled in helping others work through trauma.

Now, this season may not come after the “most traumatic incident of your life”. We need to periodically take the time to recover so that we are able to show up as our best selves during the seasons that ask a lot of us. Even the most skilled warriors and leaders in the Bible took time to rest. God commanded it, that’s why He built it into our weekly schedule.

But our society makes us feel insufficient when we aren’t able to carry the weight of the world alone any longer. How can we respond to that with joy?

By accepting the fact that yes, we are all insufficient. We need Jesus to carry our burdens with us and give us the deep healing we desire. And once you accept the restoration Jesus offers, you will begin to feel fully yourself, deeply known and loved by God.

Therefore, since the promise of entering his rest still stands, let us be careful that none of you be found to have fallen short of it. For we also have had the good news proclaimed to us, just as they did; but the message they heard was of no value to them, because they did not share the faith of those who obeyed. Now we who have believed enter that rest, just as God has said.
Hebrews 4:1-3

THe Season of New opportunities

I have recently come out of a season of healing. Though I put every last bit of myself into my work, relationships, and education, I plummeted into the season of healing as a shell of myself. I am so thankful to have had several weeks to rest and do things that bring me joy. This has prepared me for the season I believe to be entering, a season of new opportunities.

Over the past few days, I have been overwhelmed by new opportunities and fresh starts. Never have I actually entered a new year with this many changes.

While this is exciting, it is also slightly frightening. After so much has happened, it is hard to believe that good can really come out of life.

During this season, we face immense pressure to be grateful and happy. But we can’t force those feelings. Gratitude is important, but must come wholeheartedly. Happiness doesn’t last, not the way joy does.

Perhaps you are also in this season, or have experienced the desire to be joyful, yet you aren’t sure how to make these feelings appear.

The truth is, joy comes slowly but surely. It isn’t necessarily the initial spark of excitement or eagerness that comes when an opportunity is first presented to us. It isn’t even the relief that comes once things work out. It is in the process of trusting that God is using our gifts and diligence for good.

So, despite the unknowns lying ahead, you can have hope that everything will work out according to God’s faithful plan.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
2 Corinthians 5:17

The God of Feelings

Do you ever worry about your feelings being too big for God? Here’s some advice and encouragement!

I’ve often spoken of how God isn’t a “God of feelings”. He’s so much bigger than that, loyal, faithful, honest, and never-changing. His love is so different from the fleeting love we experience in many relationships.

While all of that is true and important to recognize, I’ve realized I may have done an incredible disservice to you. By speaking so joyfully about God in this way, I may have misled you into believing that He doesn’t have feelings, that feelings don’t have a place in our world. But believe me, feelings do have an important place, and God does have feelings too.

I’ve seen the consequences of not “believing in feelings” firsthand within my own family. I used to think it was just my family, but during the recent spread of awareness about the issues Asian Americans have faced, I’m beginning to realize it’s cultural. It’s a known fact that there’s a stigma around mental health in the Asian American community, often because our mental health has not been seen as important in the past. For my dad’s side of the family, expressing any kind of feeling (other than indifference) is seen as a weakness.

Both my dad and my grandma, whenever they mention a loss or a difficulty, laugh it off to prove they are okay. I’ve never seen either of them cry. They literally live out the line from Let it Go, “Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know.” Whenever I share a hardship with them, they merely shrug and act like I’m an idiot for being the least bit concerned.

But I know those feelings are deep within them. When our dog passed away last year, my dad clung onto compulsive actions in an attempt to unknowingly cope. The stress lines and the frown on his face indicate his anxiety. Yet if asked, it will be received with harsh reprimands for ever assuming anything’s not fine. It deeply saddens me to see them suffering like this. The negative feelings won’t dissipate simply because we choose to ignore them. Rather, they continue to bubble up until we are forced to confront them, often by this point in an unhealthy way.

I think Christians often fall into the trap of making everyone think they have to be fine in order to be a Christian. “You must not trust God if you are sad or disappointed,” they often say. “Everything happens for a reason, and if you don’t believe that fully at every given moment, then you must not be saved!”

But that’s not true. If our faith was dependent on never having a single doubt or wavering moment, then our faith wouldn’t be much of anything. Our faith is built on God’s grace and forgiveness. When we get out on the water with Him and falter, He will stretch out His hand and rescue us. And those moments of truly needing His saving is what strengthens our faith the most.

When we’re close to God, we know His character. He isn’t going to turn away from us when we have tear stains on our cheeks. He isn’t going to laugh at us when we come to Him in bits and pieces after our heart’s been broken. He isn’t going to mock us when we are asking for forgiveness.

Rather, He is going to be there waiting for us, excited when we turn to Him through everything we’re feeling.

It’s when we don’t know God’s character that we fear coming to Him as anything less than perfect. Well, let me tell you, God knows darn well that we aren’t perfect! He knows our every thought and feeling. He hears every whispered cry and every quiet call for help.

But guess what? God isn’t afraid of what you’re feeling.

God is so much more powerful than what we’re feeling. He has given us this life, and these feelings, in order to bring us closer to Him and to each other. So don’t deny the fact that you have feelings. Rather, see how these feelings may be prompting you to show other’s God’s love.

One of the greatest marks of a follower of Christ is compassion. I once read in a Bible study that compassion is “love in action”. It requires stepping into another person’s shoes and feeling what they are feeling. We can’t show compassion if we deny ourselves our right to feel.

We can’t control how we feel, but we can control what we do with those feelings. If you are worried about your feelings taking over your life, then remember that you can allow God to use those feelings for good.

No matter how you’re feeling today, your feelings are valid. They matter. But they certainly won’t ever define who you are in Christ.

Lord, you have examined me
    and know all about me.
²You know when I sit down and when I get up.
    You know my thoughts before I think them.
³You know where I go and where I lie down.
    You know everything I do.
⁴Lord, even before I say a word,
    you already know it.
Psalm 139:1-4

Song Recommendation: Broken Prayers, by Riley Clemmons: https://youtu.be/cBDt_-tIfLI

“Skimming” Through the Hard Parts

Is it easy or difficult for you to confront your painful feelings? Here is some encouragement.

Growing up, I was always a fast reader. I’d love rereading my favorite stories, and one of the benefits of knowing the plot ahead of time was skipping or skimming through the parts I didn’t like. Those parts generally included descriptions of bodily harm, embarrassing moments (second-hand embarrassment is real!), and generally any time a character I liked got hurt.

It appears my method of “skimming through the hard parts” has stuck with me through the years. I’ve been journaling for several years now, during a time when I’ve changed a lot, and looking back at old entries makes me cringe! I used to enjoy going through old journals, but now I avoid it because I’d rather just ignore the embarrassing (or even painful) memories.

I’ve shared this before, but I’m not one who easily shares her feelings. I don’t like to admit something has hurt me. Perhaps I subconsciously think that admitting weakness makes me a weak person.

A wise mentor once told me that “the moment we admit something made us afraid, fear loses its power over us”. That will forever be one of my favorite quotes, and to think I heard it in person! Today my pastor tweaked this idea a little bit in a way that may help us both be willing to admit our wounds.

During my Easter series, one of the posts was focused on Thomas and how we can relate to him. Jesus welcomes our questions and our doubts; they aren’t signs of unbelief. Believe it or not, Jesus can handle whatever question we throw at Him!

In the service this morning, the pastor shared how Thomas was able to touch Jesus’ wounds for himself. They must have been healed in some way, right? Thomas wouldn’t have needed to even ask the question of where Jesus’ wounds were if Jesus had blood gushing out of His palms. But yet, there was still enough of a mark to show everyone that He was truly Jesus. And perhaps those wounds never went away until Jesus ascended into Heaven.

But did Jesus hide His wounds, these symbols of the pain and torture He endured? No, he opened conversation about them. He used them as ways to bring others into belief.

What kinds of wounds have you been carrying around with you? Perhaps it’s a painful loss, an abusive relationship, a childhood trauma. Or maybe it’s being rejected, not being seen, or feeling betrayed. Whatever you have been hiding, allow yourself to fully grieve.

You can only heal when you admit your pain and your loss. You can only heal when you allow yourself to feel what you’ve been avoiding, or “skimming”. You see, we can’t skip over the hard parts in life. We can’t speed up the grieving or healing process.

And in those moments of grief, if we turn to God, we can find belief. We can find answers. We can find unexplainable peace.

These wounds are always going to be a part of your story, but they don’t always have to be a painful part. They can lead others to Christ or bring you closer to God.

Today, ask yourself, “What am I running from? What about grief or loss makes me avoid it?” Allow God’s comfort to fill your heart.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18

May God, the source of hope, fill you with all joy and peace by means of your faith in him, so that your hope will continue to grow by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13

Holy Week Series: When Jesus “Lets Us Down”

Beginning our Holy Week series, we will start off with asking the question, “How do we react when Jesus ‘lets us down’?”
Advice for your faith journey!

Last year, I posted several days leading up to Easter, and that really brought me closer to God, as well as it hopefully helped you all get prepared for our celebration of the biggest event in history! So I thought I’d do it again this year!

Starting off this year’s series, we’re going to talk about everyone’s least favorite person–Judas. Now, I know you might think you’ve got him figured out. He’s a greedy, scumbag sort of dude, right? That’s it, his story’s over, moving on to someone better…

But actually, he’s deeper than that and we owe it to ourselves to learn everything we can from the story of Jesus’ death and resurrection.

When I first read the Easter story in the Bible, I hated Judas. I think we all have some right to. After all, he did betray Jesus. He’s the one we all blame since he’s the one who saw all the miracles Jesus did, heard all the teachings, felt all the love…and yet still handed Him over to be brutally killed.

I used to think Judas did these things for a few silver coins, all out of greed. But actually, there’s a deeper reason behind Judas’ actions. He strongly opposed the Roman government, which many Jews at that time did, since the Romans took away their freedom and taxed them heavily, among other things. Many Jews expected the king God was sending down to be the new ruler who would overthrow the Roman Empire. Of course, we all know Jesus didn’t do that and instead had a much bigger plan. But this is what upset Judas and many others who shouted “Crucify Him” just a week after praising Jesus in Jerusalem.

Essentially, Judas betrayed Jesus because Jesus let him down. Jesus didn’t have the same plan as Judas, and instead of waiting to see what Jesus would do instead, Judas decided to get as much as he could out of Jesus and be done with Him.

How many times have we treated Jesus as some vending machine? We ask, beg and plead, and once He doesn’t give us what we demand, we stop worshiping Him. I’ve heard so many stories of how people stopped believing in Jesus once something tragic happened in their lives. Maybe a loved one died, a job was lost, or a new leader came into power who goes against their beliefs. How could God let this happen?

I don’t want to minimize your feelings of pain, grief, and disappointment. Crying, needing space, having doubts…that’s all normal and natural and does not deny your faith. The issues come when you abandon your relationship with God after your plans are altered. I want you to step back for a moment and think about all you might be missing out on by being stuck in your disappointment towards God “not coming through for you” instead of focusing on the bigger plan God has in store. God is the only One who knows everything and when you place your life in His hands, you will never be disappointed because you know that even if things don’t go according to your plan, God’s plan is greater and better than what we can imagine.

Now, maybe you’re feeling convicted of a past sin or with the realization that you have abandoned Jesus. Maybe you think it’s too late.

Well, I have some important news for you.

It’s never too late.

Jesus is waiting with open arms. Even when Judas came to the garden with the soldiers to arrest Jesus, He still called Judas “friend”. He still loved Judas even when He knew the evil Judas was doing. But when Judas felt guilty, he didn’t turn to Jesus. Instead, he allowed his guilt and shame to take over and he refused Jesus’ gift of salvation and forgiveness.

But your story doesn’t have to end that way. No, your story is going to be something bigger, better, and more beautiful. Your story already is beautiful because God is writing your story.

Today, think about whether or not you have abandoned Jesus. Remember how much He loves you. Remember how He’s provided for you all along. And most of all, thank Him for His extraordinary gift of unconditional love.

While he was still speaking, Judas, one of the Twelve, arrived. With him was a large crowd armed with swords and clubs, sent from the chief priests and the elders of the people. ⁴⁸Now the betrayer had arranged a signal with them: “The one I kiss is the man; arrest him.” ⁴⁹Going at once to Jesus, Judas said, “Greetings, Rabbi!” and kissed him.⁵⁰Jesus replied, “Do what you came for, friend.”
Matthew 26:47-50

When Judas, who had betrayed him, saw that Jesus was condemned, he was seized with remorse and returned the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and the elders. ⁴“I have sinned,” he said, “for I have betrayed innocent blood.”
Matthew 27:3-4

The saying is trustworthy and deserving of full acceptance, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners, of whom I am the foremost.
1 Timothy 1:15

But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
Romans 5:8