Hope – Page 2 – The Will to Wake Up

Love Unconditional

Jesus has already done the work to allow us to experience God’s love.

I love my dog, Rocky. He’s 13 pounds of pure fluff and sass. But he’s also incredibly fickle.

We have a running joke in my family about who is Rocky’s favorite family member. Sometimes, we even compete with each other over the title by giving him extra treats or tummy rubs or walks. Rocky gravitates toward whichever family member will give him what he wants.

By the end of the day, Rocky’s favorite family member has changed at least a dozen times, depending on what we do for him and whether he feels cuddly or playful or in need of some serious alone time.

I am so incredibly grateful that God is not fickle.

Imagine if we all tried to get God to choose us as His favorite child!

Oh wait–we actually do that sometimes, don’t we?

When we try to earn God’s affection through good works, generosity, and even self-righteousness, it comes out of a place of insecurity. We’re worried that we won’t be chosen by Him–or loved by Him–if we don’t do enough to get His attention. If we aren’t better than our neighbor.

Even still, God is faithful.

His love isn’t dependent on what we do or even how we identify ourselves. Our heavenly Father has already given us the best identity imaginable: beloved by Him.

When we do good deeds out of fear that God won’t love us otherwise, we are acting out of selfishness rather than love. But when we are spurred on to bless others by remembering the work Jesus already did on the cross–the ultimate act of love–we have the power to shine God’s light on earth.

As broken people, we may never fully comprehend God’s love for us until we are face-to-face with Him. It’s beyond our understanding. It’s unconditional.

But I pray that each day you will experience an extra layer of God’s love, and that you will be transformed by His love to become the person He created you to be.

God is faithful, who has called you into fellowship with his Son, Jesus Christ our Lord.

1 Corinthians 1:9 (NIV)

Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, ¹⁰so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, ¹¹filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.

Philippians 1:6, 9-11 (NIV)

But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, ⁵to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. ⁶Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” ⁷So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.

Galatians 4:4-7 (NIV)

Interviewing God

How do you approach God in prayer?

Imagine you’re a reporter, sitting down at a café with a steaming cup of coffee (or hot chocolate or tea, if you’re like me) and a flakey croissant. You tap your pen against the table, stealing glances over your shoulder toward the front door.

I wonder what He looks like, you think. Is He as big as they say? Will His brilliant light blind me?

God shows up–bigger, brighter, and better than you dreamed. He’s smiling when He sees you, His precious creation.

When we pray, we don’t often treat it like sitting down with God for coffee and having a friendly chat. Often, our prayer lives begin with a laundry list of requests, sometimes with complaints sprinkled in or even the occasional praise.

It shows maturity in faith to ask God questions during our time with Him.

But often, those questions are something like:

What do you want me to do in ____ situation?
Can you give me the strength to have patience with ____ person?
What is your plan for my life?

Those questions are certainly welcomed by God, as they help us surrender to His will. But they are still centered on us. On what we want from God–wisdom, discernment, clarity, answers.

What if, in addition to these sorts of questions, we asked God to reveal His character to us?

Let’s return to our earlier scene. You’re meeting with God, as you would any other person you want to learn more about. What sorts of questions would you ask Him?

If I were interviewing God, here are a few questions I might ask:

What inspired your creation of dogs?
Can you feel different temperatures?
What sorts of colors do you have in Heaven that we don’t have?

You may have a long history with God. That’s wonderful! But every relationship, including our relationships with other people, grow stale when we lose curiosity about one another.

Is there one person in your life who you can never spend too much time with? Perhaps they are your best friend or spouse or an important relative in your life.

Even though you know them intimately, there are still new things you’d like to know about them. You care about their opinion on issues and world events. You desire to know how they feel. You can never get enough of them.

What sorts of questions might you ask God if He were your best friend?

You may not find out what inspired God’s creation of giraffes or what His favorite color is, but perhaps you will get a deeper sense of who He is, which is what really matters.

Partner your time in prayer with reading God’s Word. If there was a book written about your best friend, you’d certainly want to read it!

As you read the Bible with the intention to understand God more, you may even receive the answers to the questions your heart longs for–both about God and about His purpose for you.

This week, I encourage you to invite God into every part of your life. Not just the discerning, big-decisions part. Not just the desperate, pleading part. But into the seemingly mundane, the simple joys and quiet whispers of the heart.

“You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord.

Jeremiah 29:13-14a (NIV)

21 Lessons I’ve Learned at Age 21

Reflecting on another year of life and what God’s taught me through it.

As today turns the chapter on another year of my life, here are a few pieces of wisdom God has provided me over the course of being 21.

Relationships

People cannot fill the God-spaced void in your heart.
Notice how the people in your circle treat others. Likely, you will eventually be treated by them the same way. If that fills you with joy, good! But if that concerns you, perhaps it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.
Being constantly flattered or charmed by someone often means they are masking their true intentions.

Identity

Being yourself can lead to rejection, but that allows only the people who truly care about you to stay.
It’s a crime to yourself and others to become a different person in every relationship. In an attempt to please everyone, you will be left exhausted, and end up pleasing no one.
Your identity will be made whole when it’s rooted in being loved by God.

Prayer

Pray constantly for pure motives and a teachable heart.
Coming to the Lord on your knees transforms you into a posture of surrender.
Ask the Lord to help you love Him back.

Writing

Consistency matters more than quality or quantity. The rest will follow when you make a commitment to write.
You will gain insight when you show your work to others.
Hold projects loosely, trusting the changes will bring your story to life in its best form.

Friendship

Not everyone is receptive to the truth. When they reject it, recognize they are not rejecting you, but something far greater.
A silent, faithful presence can leave a stronger impact than attempting to fix a loved one’s problems.
You should treat everyone with kindness and respect. But you do not have to be everyone’s friend.

Purpose

Closed doors are often God’s way of protecting you.
God is not withholding anything that is meant for you.
Our primary purpose is to be in relationship with God.

Life

Joyful seasons will end sooner when you allow worry to creep into your heart. Trust that God is with you on the mountaintops and in the valleys below.
Don’t waste energy on trying to convince others to understand you.
The tiny steps matter. You are making progress, and progress far outlasts our flawed definition of perfection.

As I step into being 22, I pray that God will continue to remind me that I’m only capable of loving others when I’m filled with His love. His Spirit will sustain me, no matter what I will face.

What is something God’s been teaching you this year?

Therefore Jesus said again, “Very truly I tell you, I am the gate for the sheep. All who have come before me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep have not listened to them.I am the gate; whoever enters through me will be saved. They will come in and go out, and find pasture. The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep.

John 10:7-11 (NIV)

Not Too Late to Be Redeemed

As we reflect on Jesus reinstating Peter, we celebrate the redemption He offers us today.

Though Jesus visited the disciples shortly after rising from the dead, He didn’t stay with them for long. The disciples went back to their lives as fishermen, but Jesus had a greater calling for them.

Today’s Scripture:

Early in the morning, Jesus stood on the shore, but the disciples did not realize that it was Jesus.

He called out to them, “Friends, haven’t you any fish?”

“No,” they answered.

He said, “Throw your net on the right side of the boat and you will find some.” When they did, they were unable to haul the net in because of the large number of fish.

Then the disciple whom Jesus loved said to Peter, “It is the Lord!” As soon as Simon Peter heard him say, “It is the Lord,” he wrapped his outer garment around him (for he had taken it off) and jumped into the water. The other disciples followed in the boat, towing the net full of fish, for they were not far from shore, about a hundred yards. When they landed, they saw a fire of burning coals there with fish on it, and some bread.

Jesus said to them, “Bring some of the fish you have just caught.” So Simon Peter climbed back into the boat and dragged the net ashore. It was full of large fish, 153, but even with so many the net was not torn. Jesus said to them, “Come and have breakfast.” None of the disciples dared ask him, “Who are you?” They knew it was the Lord. Jesus came, took the bread and gave it to them, and did the same with the fish. This was now the third time Jesus appeared to his disciples after he was raised from the dead.

When they had finished eating, Jesus said to Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?”

“Yes, Lord,” he said, “you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Feed my lambs.”

Again Jesus said, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

He answered, “Yes, Lord, you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Take care of my sheep.”

The third time he said to him, “Simon son of John, do you love me?”

Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, “Do you love me?” He said, “Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.”

Jesus said, “Feed my sheep. Very truly I tell you, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.” Jesus said this to indicate the kind of death by which Peter would glorify God. Then he said to him, “Follow me!”

Even before Jesus reinstated Peter, Peter knew he belonged to Jesus. The sheer joy he must’ve felt as he dove into the water to be as near to the Lord as possible is so beautiful.

But even more beautiful is the intentional way Jesus redeemed Peter. He asked Peter three times whether he loved Him, and even though Peter’s hurt–likely reminded of his earlier betrayal of Jesus–he’s restored through this experience. He made a firm, complete promise to love Jesus forever.

I once heard that the only real difference between Peter’s story and Judas’ story is that Peter accepted Jesus’ second chance to follow Him. I believe Jesus would’ve redeemed Judas had he lived long enough to see Jesus rise again and accepted His forgiveness. Both men denied Jesus by following their flesh rather than their faith, which we all struggle with at times. But Peter was used powerfully by God because he repented.

This doesn’t mean Peter had an easy life after Jesus’ return to Heaven. He was repeatedly punished for his faith, and even lived up to his earlier promise that he would die for his commitment to the Lord. But Peter lived fully into his God-given calling and now he is reunited with Jesus–the ultimate blessing of following Christ.

Consider Jesus’ example: God led Him into death in order to bring about eternal life. We may be lead on a similar journey that involves pain, challenges, and sacrifices. While we won’t save the world (Jesus took care of that!), God graciously allows us the opportunity to enact His will and bring healing to broken hearts that are longing for His love.

Jesus is asking you the same question He asked Peter: will you follow me?

Following Jesus means eternal relationship with Him. Not a life of comfort or ease or power, but rather peace, joy, and purpose. When we are one of His disciples, we will never have to face anything alone.

Even if you’ve been a Christian for a long time, every day we are given the choice whether or not to follow Jesus’ example.

Will we ask for His forgiveness today? Will we take the time to be with our loving Lord? Will we surrender our will to Him?

Even if you’ve said no before, it’s not too late. Today is a fresh start.

Jesus is waiting, so patiently, for us to knock on His door. He’s ready to invite us into deeper relationship with Him.

The question is, are you ready to accept His love?

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

-Galatians 2:20 (NIV)

Prayer:

Dear Lord,

We praise you for loving us so deeply that you desire everlasting relationship with us. Help us to never neglect our relationship with You. Strengthen us so that we may remain faithful even when storms come. You chose us, now help us choose you. We love you, Father.

Amen.

The Empty Tomb

When we place our hope in Jesus, no matter the unknowns ahead, we can have joy.

Peter and the disciples believed they had lost their Lord forever. But then a miracle happened…

Today’s Scripture:

Early on the first day of the week, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and saw that the stone had been removed from the entrance. So she came running to Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one Jesus loved, and said, “They have taken the Lord out of the tomb, and we don’t know where they have put him!”

So Peter and the other disciple started for the tomb. Both were running, but the other disciple outran Peter and reached the tomb first. He bent over and looked in at the strips of linen lying there but did not go in.

Then Simon Peter came along behind him and went straight into the tomb. He saw the strips of linen lying there, as well as the cloth that had been wrapped around Jesus’ head. The cloth was still lying in its place, separate from the linen.

Finally the other disciple, who had reached the tomb first, also went inside. He saw and believed. (They still did not understand from Scripture that Jesus had to rise from the dead.) Then the disciples went back to where they were staying.

-John 20:1-9 (NIV)

The rush of emotions these disciples must have felt! First panic that someone had stolen Jesus’ body. Then adrenaline as they (raced!?) to the tomb. (Side note: I love how John emphasizes twice that he’s faster than Peter). Perhaps as they searched the tomb, they felt a wave of relief mixed with shock as they remembered Jesus’ words: He would rise again.

And yet, it’s important to note that they still didn’t quite understand the significance of this moment or fully recognize what Jesus had done–defeated death. But even with questions, even without seeing Jesus in the flesh yet, they could have hope and joy.

As we wait for Jesus’ second coming, it’s next to impossible to fathom all His plans and purposes, especially in our broken world. But we can still have hope because we know Jesus, just as the disciples did. We have a relationship with Him, even though we can’t see Him sitting here beside us now.

When we remember who Jesus is–our loving Savior–we are offered the gift of joy and rest in Him.

Reflection Questions:

Think of a time when you were provided assurance during a trial because of your hope in the Lord. Exercising joy, rest, and hope are actually acts of faith. We’re living out the belief that Jesus is in control and has good plans for us despite our circumstances.
What questions do you have for God?
How might you act in faith today?

Prayer:

Dear Lord,

Thank you for sending Jesus to die for our sins. We praise you because you have conquered death and offer us new life in You. Help us to live out our faith and always hold onto our hope in You.

Amen.

When the Rooster Crows

Peter denied Jesus 3 times, symbolizing a complete rejection of Him. Yet Jesus has the power to transform our hearts, allowing Peter–and us–the chance to repent.

In yesterday’s devotional, Peter boldly declared that he was willing to die for his faith in Jesus, yet he couldn’t stay awake to pray with Jesus in the garden and joined the others in fleeing when He was arrested.

While these actions reveal Peter’s goal of self-preservation, Jesus also prophesied that Peter would verbally disown Him three times.

Simon Peter and another disciple were following Jesus. Because this disciple was known to the high priest, he went with Jesus into the high priest’s courtyard, but Peter had to wait outside at the door. The other disciple, who was known to the high priest, came back and spoke to the servant girl on duty there and brought Peter in.

“You aren’t one of this man’s disciples too, are you?” she asked Peter.

He replied, “I am not.”

It was cold, and the servants and the officials stood around a fire they had made to keep warm. Peter also was standing with them, warming himself.

-John 18:15-18 (NIV)

Then [Peter] began to call down curses, and he swore to them, “I don’t know the man!”

Immediately a rooster crowed. Then Peter remembered the word Jesus had spoken: “Before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.” And he went outside and wept bitterly.

Matthew 26:74-75 (NIV)

Peter was so close. He went farther than most of the other disciples by trailing after Jesus to see where the guards were taking Him. But while John (“the other disciple”) used his connections to be as near to Jesus as possible, and offered a way for Peter to join too, Peter chose comfort and security over speaking in faith.

Meanwhile, Simon Peter was still standing there warming himself. So they asked him, “You aren’t one of his disciples too, are you?”

He denied it, saying, “I am not.”

One of the high priest’s servants, a relative of the man whose ear Peter had cut off, challenged him, “Didn’t I see you with him in the garden?” Again Peter denied it, and at that moment a rooster began to crow.

-John 18:25-27 (NIV)

The number 3 symbolized completeness in those times. By Peter denying Jesus three times, he wasn’t just repeating himself to get his point across. He was solidifying his rejection of Jesus.

However, it’s no coincidence that Jesus’ resurrection took place in 3 days, showing that true completeness comes from Jesus alone. While we are dead in our sin when we reject God, Jesus has the power to transform our hearts and grant us new life in Him.

Reflection Questions:

Think back to a time when you hid your faith in order to preserve your reputation, relationships, comfort, or even safety.
What is something God might be calling you to do that’s outside your comfort zone?
How might relying on courage from the Lord strengthen your faith or deepen your relationship with Him?
How do you hope to see your faith grow this year?

Prayer:

Dear Lord,

Thank you for the gift of your forgiveness, even when we have rejected you in the past–and may again in the future. We believe in you, but there are times when we struggle with doubt. Help us in our unbelief so that we can fully trust in You. We love you.

Amen.

Into the Garden

On the night of Jesus’ betrayal, Jesus longed for support from His disciples. While they gave into their flesh rather than faith, there was still hope for them–and for us today–to return to Jesus.

On the night when Jesus was betrayed, we often remember Judas, who was led by his greedy heart to bring the soldiers straight to Jesus. But Judas wasn’t the only one who abandoned Jesus in His time of need that night.

During the Last Supper, Jesus shared with His disciples what would happen, yet they still weren’t ready to believe. In his typical fashion, Peter boldly declared that he was willing to die for Jesus, but Jesus warned him that he would disown Him that very night.

Today’s Scripture:

Then Jesus told them, “This very night you will all fall away on account of me, for it is written: ‘I will strike the shepherd, and the sheep of the flock will be scattered.’ But after I have risen, I will go ahead of you into Galilee.”

Peter replied, “Even if all fall away on account of you, I never will.”

“Truly I tell you,” Jesus answered, “this very night, before the rooster crows, you will disown me three times.”

But Peter declared, “Even if I have to die with you, I will never disown you.” And all the other disciples said the same.

-Matthew 26:32 (NIV)

Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.”

He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”

Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”

Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping.

“Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

-Matthew 26:36-41 (NIV)

Jesus is the Son of God, yet He chooses relationship with us. He didn’t need the disciples to stay awake and pray. God’s will was still done that night. Yet Jesus longed for His disciples, for Peter, to be a friend to Him as He prepared to sacrifice everything to break the barrier between God and man.

Perhaps if Peter had prayed beside Jesus, he wouldn’t have tried to protect Jesus by slicing off a guard’s ear moments later. He might’ve recognized that this was what God was calling Jesus to do. Maybe God would’ve given Peter the courage to not disown Jesus when his faith was put on trial.

But instead, Peter gave into his fleshly desire to sleep–and then later to act on his own instincts rather than surrender to God’s will–which caused him to do exactly the opposite of what he promised Jesus earlier.

I can only imagine the heartbreak Peter experienced as he witnessed his Lord brought away in chains. Perhaps he thought the fight was over, that they had lost. Perhaps he felt a tug-of-war in his heart between faithfulness to his friend and the natural desire to stay safe.

The good news is, Peter later receives a second chance, as do we when we betray Jesus by seeking fulfillment from earthly desires rather than our relationship with Him.

The question is, are you ready to surrender to His love, even when it means sacrificing your comfort zone?

Reflection Questions:

Think about a time when you tried to handle a situation on your own, without seeking God’s help.
How might have your mindset been different had you relied on God’s strength rather than your own?
What do you turn to for fulfillment in your life?
How do God’s promises differ from what the world promises? (I’d recommend cracking open your Bible for this one, especially focusing on Jesus’ teachings in the gospels!)

Prayer:

Dear Lord,

Thank you for offering us chance after chance to be in relationship with you. Even though our eyes wander, help us always turn back to you. We’re sorry for the ways we have rejected you and ask for your forgiveness. Thank you for your everlasting love and grace.

Amen.

Walking Through Holy Week in Peter’s Sandals

Let’s reflect on Jesus’ final days leading up to Easter, focusing on Peter’s passionate yet often misguided devotion that reveals his struggle between earthly concerns and Jesus’ humble sacrifice.

As we reflect on and celebrate the gift of Jesus’ sacrificial love this week, let’s journey through the days leading up to His death and resurrection. There are many characters and perspectives shared throughout the gospels, so let’s hone in on one of Jesus’ disciples, a passionate and out-spoken man named Peter.

A Little Backstory

Peter’s known for being the first to declare Jesus is the Messiah (Matthew 16:16).
But also he made bold statements that Jesus rebuked (Matt. 16:22-23).
Jesus selected a few of His disciples to whom to show His full glory on the Mount of Transfiguration, and Peter was one of those blessed individuals (Matt. 17:1).
Peter is one of the most named disciples in the gospels to interact with Jesus, answering His questions and participating in His ministry.

Today’s Scripture:

He came to Simon Peter, who said to him, “Lord, are you going to wash my feet?”

Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”

“No,” said Peter, “you shall never wash my feet.”

Jesus answered, “Unless I wash you, you have no part with me.”

“Then, Lord,” Simon Peter replied, “not just my feet but my hands and head as well!”

-Matthew 13:6-9 (NIV)

I love this interaction between Peter and Jesus because it shows the deep love they have for one another. Of course, Jesus’ love is perfect while Peter still doesn’t quite understand what’s going on. But it’s clear even when Peter addresses Jesus as “Lord” that he wants to respect and honor Him.

Peter felt it wasn’t right for his teacher–much less his Lord–to take on the form of a servant and wash his stinky, dirty feet. He didn’t understand that this action was a metaphor for Jesus accepting the burden of our filthy sin, dying on the cross, and washing us clean with the sacrifice of His life.

As we will continue to witness Peter and Jesus’ interactions throughout Holy Week, Peter struggles to fathom the idea of a humble God when his understanding of the Messiah was likely a warrior king.

In fact, the first time Peter is rebuked, it was because he refused to accept the price Jesus was willing to pay in order to save us from our sins.

From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and suffer many things at the hands of the elders, the chief priests and the teachers of the law, and that he must be killed and on the third day be raised to life.

²²Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. “Never, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to you!”

²³Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.”

-Matthew 16:21-23

Even though Peter’s concern for Jesus likely came out of a place of love and admiration, he wasn’t willing to surrender to God’s will because the cost felt too great. Peter was fixated on fleeting, earthly things rather than considering that God had a greater plan.

Reflection Questions:

Think back to a time when God might’ve been saying to you, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”
What might you need to surrender in order to trust God with the unknown?
What worries or burdens are you carrying today?
How might fixing your eyes on Jesus and remembering that God is in control help you to have peace, even through the storms of life?

Prayer:

Dear Lord,

Thank you for taking on the form of a humble servant and washing us clean of our sins. We are in need of you each day, for when we are weak, then you are strong. Help us to surrender our earthly desires, dreams, and fears to you, exchanging them for your peace.

Amen.

Is God Still Using Me?

A reflection on my journey from stepping back from corporate ministry to finding peace and purpose in serving God with purer motives.

My greatest realization after stepping back from corporate ministry was uncovering the unhealthy motives for why I served.

As a teen, I felt invisible at church. I struggled to belong at youth group, I was scared to participate in mission trips, and it felt like the only way to be part of the community was to serve.

Then I started my official ministry position during a very vulnerable period of my life when it seemed like everything else was falling apart. I sought a sense of purpose, and the church was more than happy to make me useful. Watching the number of students grow and receiving praise for my spiritual gifts was addicting…and exhausting because deep down, I knew that wasn’t what church was supposed to be about.

Through my position as Children’s Ministry Resident, I served multiple times a week, developed curriculum, spoke regularly in front of my congregation–and if there was anything going on at church, I was there.

I didn’t only serve for selfish or insecure reasons. I deeply cared about the congregation, especially the kids, and I believe God called me to that position for a season.

But after burning out, I started listening to God’s nudge for me to leave that church and explore new pastures with Him. Upon coming home from my last day of work, I was overwhelmed with peace. The lyrics to the worship song, “I Surrender,” flowed from my heart.

Yet it took months to truly transition out of my old mindset, a mindset so fixated on producing quality programs and pleasing the congregants that I put my personal relationship with God on the back-burner.

The phrase, “it was the difference between night and day,” understates what transitioning from being on church leadership to being a regular congregant felt like. One minute, everybody knew my name and expected so much of me. The next, I was wandering into different churches and leaving without a trace.

I kept pushing away the fear (rather than bringing it to God), “Does anyone still need me anymore? Do I have a place in ministry without working for a church?”

After a couple months of searching, I landed on a new church, ironically three minutes away from my house. There were two things that confirmed God wanted me to be there: I felt the Holy Spirit speaking to me through the sermons, and they sang “I Surrender” my first time worshipping with them.

Surrendering my work duties wasn’t hard–it was honestly a relief. At last, I could actually pay attention during service instead of running around meeting everybody’s needs.

But surrendering my pride and my desire to feel needed? That required much more faith and humility.

When observing how this new church operated, I certainly had moments of thinking, “If I were in charge, I’d do this differently,” and “Ouch, they still don’t remember my name?”.

God didn’t allow my pride or past pain prevent me from growing. Stepping back to rest and focus on how God wanted to refine me was crucial in preparing me for the challenges and opportunities to come.

Over the past year and a half, God’s placed me in situations that have required tremendous faith. I wouldn’t have been able to trust in Him this deeply–and cry out to Him for help when I struggle to trust–had I not spent this time growing in my understanding of God’s character and dwelling in His presence.

Resting in God doesn’t mean we can’t serve at all. Participating in the body of Christ by sharing our gifts is a valuable part of the Christian walk. But we can’t serve well if we are relying on our own strength and motivated by anything other than a love and appreciation for God and His people.

Our heart motives change when we realize that:

We aren’t needed by God, but we are wanted by Him. Not wanted in the way a child begs for a new toy that they’ll forget about in seconds, but deeply desired, as one might long for their significant other.
We are not capable on our own. The success of our ministry stems from our reliance on God.
Rest is an act of worship…and faith. When we take the time to rest, we are admitting we cannot do anything on our own strength and we need to be empowered by the Holy Spirit.
Just because God isn’t using you in the same way He did before doesn’t mean He isn’t using you at all. When you surrender your life to Him, there will always be opportunities for ministry, perhaps in more organic ways.

This past school year, God’s guided me toward getting more involved in my new church by teaching children again and serving in other background roles, all with much better boundaries. And you know what? I don’t miss having congregants come up to praise my public speaking skills or seeing my name on the wall of leaders.

By not investing as much time in church-specific ministries, I’ve also had more capacity to invest in the lives of my friends and Bible study partners, pray intentionally for them, and reflect on how I can grow in my relationships.

There might be a season where God calls me to serve in a larger capacity in corporate ministry again, but for now, I have peace trusting that God will use me wherever I’m at. No ministry is too small to be used by Him to do amazing things.

If you are doubting your purpose or value, remember who you are in Christ:

The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children. ¹⁷Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

Romans 8:16-17 (NIV)

“Though the mountains be shaken
    and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
    nor my covenant of peace be removed,”
    says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

Isaiah 54:10 (NIV)

Our purpose? To be God’s daughter or son.

Our value? Immeasurable. We are worth everything to God, who loved us enough to send His son to die for us so that we may have everlasting life with Him.

Trust that God loves you so much that He has a perfect plan for you. ❤

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Galatians 6:9 (NIV)

An Ink-Stained Journey

Learning to trust God through the process of becoming an author.

I was scared to pursue becoming an author. Don’t get me wrong; I absolutely love writing. Feeling inspired to create is one of my favorite ways to connect with God.

But when I entered high school, I worried that my passion for writing wasn’t enough. Writing is a competitive business, and it would require both confidence in my skills and humility to take rejection in order to succeed. And most importantly, immense faith in God’s calling.

So I explored other viable career paths–only to hit dead ends. When it was time to choose a university, only one of my options had a creative writing program. As I prayed over my decision, I knew God wanted me to pursue writing. While the thought of becoming a professional writer gave me joy, I soon realized God led me to the decision that required the greatest amount of faith.

Then this choice was posed to me again after I graduated. Even with the awareness of the costs and challenges to come, I chose to continue pursuing writing with the desire to witness God reveal more of His purposes for me.

Over the last six months, I’ve been growing as a writer through participating in a faith-based writing and business program called The Author Conservatory. Through this program, I’ve received mentorship from Christian writers, encouragement and feedback from my peers (fellow aspiring authors), and entrepreneurship training.

The Author Conservatory focuses on building the foundational components of a story so that we can approach both simple and complex topics with grace, respect, and wisdom. One challenge with this has been learning how to plot out the main details of a story rather than beginning the process by drafting. (For my fellow writers out there, I’m more of a pantser! But plotting is growing on me…)

Each novel undergoes four stages of planning: Concept, Character Arc, Synopsis, and Outline. And within those stages are weeks of revising, brainstorming, and rewriting. By the time we’re allowed to draft, it feels like such a reward!

Another aspect that has required humility is receiving an abundance of feedback, particularly from industry professionals, and needing to make changes–sometimes drastic ones–in response to it. But accepting constructive criticism has transformed my work and my perspective.

While the process may feel slow at times, every rewrite, every training, and every bit of new insight draws us closer to becoming professional writers.

Though choosing to pursue writing has come with sacrifices and challenges, I am so thankful God led me to Author. As a writer, I feel like I’ve grown more in the last 6 months than I would’ve in 6 years on my own. This community has encouraged me to dedicate my writing–both fiction and non-fiction–to God, and invite Him into the process.

Perhaps you’re finding yourself in a situation where you aren’t sure what the next step should be. Consider bringing your options to God in prayer and seeking His direction.

Every decision comes with costs–but also blessings. The most blessed path, even if it requires patience and sacrifice, is the one in which God is leading you.

In fact, making sacrifices for something shows commitment to it. Sometimes the blessing that comes with sacrifice is recognizing how much you love something–or someone.

I used to be scared of making choices that would disrupt God’s plans for me. But none of us have the power to thwart God’s plans for us. We may take some detours along the way, but we will always end up exactly where He wants us to be. The smoothest way to get there (even if the road appears bumpy) is listening for His voice with each next step.

And often God’s path is lined with unexpected blessings: godly friendships, opportunities to trust Him deeper, patches of peace. Even laughter is a gift from God.

Celebrate the ways God has blessed the journey you’re on. Ask Him to meet you in the moments that feel difficult and discouraging. And trust that He is leading you to trust in Him more deeply with each passing season.

Then Job replied to the Lord:

“I know that you can do all things;
no purpose of yours can be thwarted.”

Job 42:1-2 (NIV)

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. ²⁷And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God.

²⁸And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Romans 8:26-28 (NIV)