Grief – The Will to Wake Up

To The Person Doubting Love

One person’s lack of love doesn’t extinguish everyone else’s potential to care about you. ❤

Dear Heartbroken,

Hoping, praying, expecting for so long, yet met with disappointment. So sure that this was the perfect time, that you were finally ready. And now, everything has fallen apart.

You may look in the mirror and doubt your true beauty. You may walk along the streets, resenting those who seem to have what would fill the void in your heart.

Tired, achy, longing for more. Knowing that you were made for more.

And yet somehow…stuck here. Fragile little bits of yourself strewn around you with little hope of every being whole again.

But you are not fragile or broken or defeated. Yes, you feel small and vulnerable, but in our weakest moments, light can still pour in.

During times when you feel unsure of yourself, remember that you have someone beside you to bring you hope. To love you the way that many humans haven’t before.

Though you may be tired of hearing this, let this be the day when the words finally sink in.

Jesus loves you. More than anyone ever could. Even when you feel at your weakest, He will make you strong.

It won’t happen instantaneously. You may still feel tired after calling out to Him, yet perhaps you will also have a sense of peace. A renewal of energy, even if for a second.

And through it all, you will be reminded that you aren’t alone.

While Jesus is the only one who can love us unconditionally, even though people are flawed, they still have the potential to love beautifully. Don’t let one, or even several, heartbreaks cause you to doubt the validity of love.

Love comes in many forms. Just because one form didn’t work out doesn’t mean you should give up on all the rest.

Instead, exhibit the love you wish to receive. Not blindly trusting those put in your path, but rather listening intentionally, offering kindness and generosity when given the chance, and being gracious when mistakes are made.

If we all demonstrated the love we long for, our world would be a much lovelier place. So let this transformation start with you. ❤

Sincerely,

Hannah

These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
1 Peter 1:7-9

Don’t Brush the Pain Away

Do you feel pressured to make everyone think you’re okay?

I always thought I had to be happy at church. Put on a smile, say everything’s okay, and make people sure that God is working everything out in my life.

Well, God may be working everything out in my life (in fact, I know He is), but that doesn’t always make the day-to-day feel like a breeze.

Recently, I allowed myself to cry at church during a particularly moving sermon. That was the closest I’d felt to God in a long time. In fact, I even wanted that experience again.

And honestly, I think God would take our tears and our grief over fake happiness any day.

Sometimes, Christian culture makes us think that we have to be happy when we are in pain. We’re told that we aren’t trusting God when we allow ourselves to be upset by our pain, to feel those deep emotions.

But when we brush off our pain, we are hurting our relationship with God. We are also discouraging non-Christians by making them falsely believe we are perfect.

When we don’t allow ourselves to be in pain, we miss out on an opportunity to grow closer to God, to trust Him more deeply. We are instead resentful towards God when we believe He wants us to bury our feelings.

But God doesn’t want us to do that. Through Jesus’ own example, it was when He was tried and tempted, bruised and beaten, in the face of impending doom and death, that we witness God’s presence most in Jesus’ life while on earth.

Just think about Jesus at the Mount of Olives. Right before His death (and later resurrection) Jesus called out to God, seeking relief even though He knew what He had to do. Just because Jesus wished for a less painful way and allowed Himself to feel pain, doesn’t mean that there’s anything less in His sacrifice.

You are no less of a believer if you are in pain or grief right now. You may not even know what you are feeling, and that’s okay. God knows and He cares. God will take care of you.

And I assure you, the sooner you take the brave step of being honest about your feelings, the sooner you will find the healing you need.

Jesus went out as usual to the Mount of Olives, and his disciples followed him. ⁴⁰On reaching the place, he said to them, “Pray that you will not fall into temptation.” ⁴¹He withdrew about a stone’s throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, ⁴²“Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done.” ⁴³An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. ⁴⁴And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.
Luke 22:39-44

Why Saying Goodbye to a Comfort Character Feels Real

Have you ever wondered why a piece of you feels missing after a favorite series ends?

Have you ever felt close to a fictional character? Perhaps it’s the way they talk or make you laugh or help you feel less alone. But then, when the inevitable time comes for the show or series to end, you’re left feeling empty inside, like you are losing a real friend. Whoever the character is, they make you feel seen or cared about in some strange, unexplainable way.

If you’ve shed a tear or lost a night’s sleep over a fictional character, you’re in good company. Perhaps it’s the increased accessibility to media or the fact that people feel lonelier than ever these days, but losing a character who makes you valued can be heartbreaking.

However, if you’ve shared this experience, you may have also felt silly for getting upset by someone “not real”. Yet these feelings are more valid than you might realize.

After spending the past couple years far away from loved ones and living through our screens, it’s only natural for our minds to merge our “real” relationships with our “on-screen” ones. The awesome thing about technology is how we are able to connect with people from all over the world. However, that also means many of our relationships are long distance, and our sense of reality gets altered.

Therefore, when our brains convince us that these characters are real friends, we feel like we’re experiencing a real loss. This may trigger past experiences of ending a relationship, losing a loved one, or having a source of security become unstable.

You are free to feel grief when a source of comfort is lost or a season has come to an end.

But, we don’t have to stay stuck in those feelings.

We have someone very real, despite also not being tangible, who is right here with us. And, you guessed it, Jesus is the best source of comfort.

Jesus doesn’t change. He will always be loving and powerful and patient. He will always be there for you, no matter what you are going through or what you’re feeling.

Just think about that for a moment: Jesus doesn’t ever change. We can’t even fathom that because everything–our Earth, our society, our loved ones, us–change. And that’s what makes us crave comfort or stability.

But Jesus promises that He will be faithful to the end and even after the end. He wants us to cling to Him when we feel afraid or unloved or isolated. Jesus will remind us that He is our source of courage and He paid the ultimate sacrifice to be there for us. We are never alone.

So today, don’t feel guilty for whatever you’re feeling. Instead, bring all these complicated emotions to God and allow yourself to feel comforted knowing that there will always be one thing that never changes.

Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.
Hebrews 13:8

Joy Can Be Found in Every Season

No matter what season you’re in, joy can still be found.

Does each new season of life come abruptly for you? In certain seasons, this change may be warmly welcomed. But in others, this shift feels like the rug has been torn out from under your feet.

Each season is unique and special, both in its pain and healing. But what if I told you that joy can be found in every season, even the most difficult?

Every individual’s life is different, but I often think of life as having five general seasons (not always cycling in the same order).

A season of preparation (also thought of as waiting, though I’ll explain the difference in word choice momentarily)
A season of loss
A season of trials
A season of rest and healing
A season of new opportunities

Now, once again, I’d like to clarify that our lives are too complex to be minimize and shoved into a set of five boxes. However, for the sake of simplicity, we will stick to these five main categories for today. I also realize that my life doesn’t mirror everyone’s lives, but I will use personal illustrations because these seasons have been so clearly reflected throughout my past year.

I use the word preparation rather than waiting because I believe we are waiting in every season. In a season of preparation, we are eagerly anticipating what’s to come. In a season of loss, we are waiting for the pain to ease. In times of testing and trials, we are waiting for our hard work and persistence to pay off. When we are recovering from fast-moving seasons, we are waiting to feel ourselves again. And when we are being restored, we are waiting to see what comes next.

Yet, through everything, we can still have hope and joy.

The SEason of Preparation

I distinctly remember this season starting. I had just graduated and the future felt so bright and hopeful. Yet, I was overcome by a sense of longing, a desire to move forward faster. Little did I know all that lie ahead.

Now, I firmly believe that preparing is an active word. When we feel stagnant in our current states, we must take the time God is giving us to be with Him, encourage others, and spend time in the Bible. We must be ready for what’s to come, yet ultimately trusting God with whatever the future holds.

How can we have joy when life feels boring?

We can reflect on the past and all that God has done through our different stages of life. We can develop our dreams and see how they align with God’s will for us. We can get excited about the future while being intentional about noticing what’s beautiful in the present.

More than any other season, intentionality is key as we prepare for what God has in store for us. Our time won’t feel wasted when we know our efforts are being put to good use.

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Ephesians 2:10

The season of loss

This is arguably the most difficult season to find joy. When a loved one or a dream is stripped away from us, we are left feeling wounded, abandoned, and empty.

During this season, we are tempted to escape from the deep healing God is trying to stir within us. Last summer, I experienced loss and a sense of impending doom for the future. I wanted to run away from my problems, and I tried to do that, only to be faced with the truth.

God only wants the best for us. When we are experiencing pain, He is using that to draw us closer to Him. That doesn’t mean we should belittle our pain or brush off the efforts of others to relieve it.

Rather, we should allow ourselves to feel the depth of our pain and heartache. We may not always be in safe places to do this, but when we are given the opportunity, we must be honest with our feelings.

I have often found that my most intimate moments with God come out of seasons of disappointment, loneliness, and grief.

Allow yourself to be immersed in God’s comfort and love. Let these truths sink in:

You are loved.

You are important.

This person, this dream, this opportunity matters.

Your feelings matter.

You are going to get through this, one day at a time.

You can still find joy in this season by realizing you have the unique opportunity to feel God’s very presence in your life. You are able to relate to Jesus’ pain in a way you never have before. And ultimately, this season will lead to deeper healing.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
2 Corinthians 1:3-7

The season of Trials

This season may feel as difficult as the season of loss, yet for different reasons. Instead of feeling immense sadness or grief, you are faced with feelings of frustration and discouragement. You may even wonder whether or not you have a purpose.

You may be tempted to give up when the end feels so far away, yet our greatest strength comes from our most trying circumstances.

We experience the most growth during our tests of faith and perseverance. This growth should not be taken lightly. It is a true gift to be able to develop the skills and characteristics God has placed within us.

We can find joy in the fact that we are becoming more and more like Jesus the longer we follow Him and allow His love to infiltrate every aspect of our lives.

Yes, you are being challenged, and yes, you deserve time to rest. You may feel stretched to the limits, perhaps both emotionally and physically. But you can trust that this time is not being wasted.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4

The season of rest and healing

Though some would rather choose to “skip” this season, we all must take the time to rest and heal from the strain life puts on us.

You are not weak for needing rest. You are not weak for needing time to heal. You are certainly not weak for asking for help during this season, whether it be from a trusted mentor, a close friend, or a professional skilled in helping others work through trauma.

Now, this season may not come after the “most traumatic incident of your life”. We need to periodically take the time to recover so that we are able to show up as our best selves during the seasons that ask a lot of us. Even the most skilled warriors and leaders in the Bible took time to rest. God commanded it, that’s why He built it into our weekly schedule.

But our society makes us feel insufficient when we aren’t able to carry the weight of the world alone any longer. How can we respond to that with joy?

By accepting the fact that yes, we are all insufficient. We need Jesus to carry our burdens with us and give us the deep healing we desire. And once you accept the restoration Jesus offers, you will begin to feel fully yourself, deeply known and loved by God.

Therefore, since the promise of entering his rest still stands, let us be careful that none of you be found to have fallen short of it. For we also have had the good news proclaimed to us, just as they did; but the message they heard was of no value to them, because they did not share the faith of those who obeyed. Now we who have believed enter that rest, just as God has said.
Hebrews 4:1-3

THe Season of New opportunities

I have recently come out of a season of healing. Though I put every last bit of myself into my work, relationships, and education, I plummeted into the season of healing as a shell of myself. I am so thankful to have had several weeks to rest and do things that bring me joy. This has prepared me for the season I believe to be entering, a season of new opportunities.

Over the past few days, I have been overwhelmed by new opportunities and fresh starts. Never have I actually entered a new year with this many changes.

While this is exciting, it is also slightly frightening. After so much has happened, it is hard to believe that good can really come out of life.

During this season, we face immense pressure to be grateful and happy. But we can’t force those feelings. Gratitude is important, but must come wholeheartedly. Happiness doesn’t last, not the way joy does.

Perhaps you are also in this season, or have experienced the desire to be joyful, yet you aren’t sure how to make these feelings appear.

The truth is, joy comes slowly but surely. It isn’t necessarily the initial spark of excitement or eagerness that comes when an opportunity is first presented to us. It isn’t even the relief that comes once things work out. It is in the process of trusting that God is using our gifts and diligence for good.

So, despite the unknowns lying ahead, you can have hope that everything will work out according to God’s faithful plan.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!
2 Corinthians 5:17

Life Doesn’t Make Sense

Have you recently experienced loss or disappointment that makes you question God’s plan?

I think we can all agree that life is really confusing sometimes.

We expect things to go well and other things to be terrible. Occasionally, life surprises us with unexpected blessings. Other times, we are met with grief and confusion.

Going into college, I was nervous about a lot of things. A few weeks ago, when I reread my list of college fears, I realized most of them didn’t happen. However, many of the things I was most excited about ended up being draining and discouraging.

When we lose something, whether it’s a person or an opportunity or even hope, we are reminded that we live in a broken world. That brokenness that we all experience is often masked behind a clean reputation or an optimistic attitude, but nonetheless it’s there.

Yet there will always be something in life that makes us crack. Heartbreak, rejection, failures, misunderstandings. The list could go on and on. We don’t go into relationships looking for heartbreak. We don’t take risks with the intent to fail. It’s just a part of life being...life.

And when we reach our lowest point, we are faced with a question: Yes, we did not purposely make this happen, but how are we going to react to it anyway?

When we are overwhelmed by disappointment, the world just feels like a dark, gloomy, and lonely place. We want to guard ourselves from any future setbacks. And quite honestly, that mindset makes sense. If you never love anyone, then you’ll never get your heart broken. If you never try new things, then you will never fail. But is that really the best way to live?

Today, I was reading from Isaiah chapter 5. The speaker shares a story of a man who owned a vineyard. This man invested everything into his vineyard with the expectation that the vineyard would produce good fruit. However, to his dismay, he was left with a shriveled up garden and nothing to show for his hard work. He responds with anger and despair, traits often tabooed in our society. But you know what? God meets him in his brokenness.

God knows what we are going through. When He created the world, there was no death or brokenness. Wholeness and wellness abounded. Peace and love brought all creatures together. Imagine His disappointment when this beautiful world was tarnished by sin.

Yet God never gave up hope. He continues to fight for us each and every day. In your quiet moments, your sobs muffled behind closed doors, God is there. When you get a life-altering phone call, God is there. When life just feels like too much and you don’t know why, God is there, fighting, advocating for you.

When we lean into our brokenness instead of pretending like it doesn’t exist, we can grow alongside those around us. When we accept brokenness and admit we need healing, our lives will transform, as will our relationships.

God never stops trying. We must never stop trying either. Through our sorrow we have the opportunity to bring comfort to others and experience God’s love through relationships.

Today, I challenge you to admit the things that are not perfect in your life. Allow yourself to feel frustration or sadness or whatever is weighing you down. But then, instead of isolating yourself, see how you can use these feelings to draw closer to God and to those who love you.

You are not alone. You have the most powerful being in the universe fighting for you. With God on your side, you will win every battle.

For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives,¹⁰so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, ¹¹being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, ¹²and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you^[f] to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. ¹³For he has rescued us from the dominion of darknessand brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, ¹⁴in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
Colossians 1:9-14

The Pain of Healing

Are you wanting to heal and move forward, but something is holding you back? Here is some encouragement.

I’ve learned a lot from working at a barn. One of the seemingly least profound things is that running for lengthy periods of time in boots creates long-lasting effects on one’s toes.

You may be wondering how I’m possibly going to tie that opening in with something biblical or even remotely helpful, but hear me out 🙂

I’ve had a hard callus growing on my toe for months now, and I’ve chosen to ignore it. But today, when I put my socks on, I noticed that it was sizably larger than the rest of my toes. It was also red, painful to walk on, and throbbing. Though I still didn’t want to deal with it, I knew I had to in order for the swelling to go down before work. I attached an ice-pack to my foot and proceeded to go on with life.

However, it just couldn’t be that easy.

Moments after, my foot was even redder and the ice stung my skin. I finally had to take it off in order to concentrate on my work. It was more painful treating the injury than the injury itself! However, it worked, and I’m finally able to function normally again.

I don’t know about you, but when I think of healing, I usually picture myself wrapped in a cozy blanket, close to God, away from the harshness of the world. I’m tenderly held within God’s strong hands, sheltered and protected, not having to deal with what hurt me.

While we are always taken care of by God, avoidance is not the way to find true healing. I’ve lived that lie over and over again, trying to push away the pain and just move forward. I’ve prayed to God to help me let go.

But here’s the thing: I couldn’t let go, I couldn’t heal, until I admitted that I couldn’t do it on my own. I couldn’t find peace until I realized that I had experienced something painful. Even if it wasn’t something that others might be concerned by, it still mattered to me.

So many “inspirational” speakers claim that we can’t look back, we have to chug forward, we have to keep moving. There’s definitely some truth to that. But we can’t just ditch the people and experiences that have shaped who we are without allowing ourselves to fully grieve their absence.

Healing involves pain.

I know that sounds counter-intuitive, but it’s true. Just like how the ice also caused my foot more pain, it was the only thing that could help me. Sometimes the pain of confronting old feelings hurts more than when we were originally betrayed. When we are beginning to heal, it may feel like we’re taking steps backward. We may wonder why we are still thinking about them or what happened. We may wonder why we didn’t get the neatly wrapped ending that movies promise us. We may question whether or not we trust God if we are still processing what happened.

God wants us to bring the hard questions to Him. He knows what it’s like to grieve, but also to bring healing. Sometimes healing happens quickly; other times, it will be years of waiting for the freedom that comes with letting go. It doesn’t matter how long it takes you, just trust that someday you will get there.

Over the past two and a half years or so, I’ve gone through some difficult tests of faith. Some included heartbreak, others included costly decisions and damaged relationships. Each individual instance sparked a different series of actions that caused healing. Each one has taken a different amount of time to process and move on from.

Over the past couple weeks, God has helped me have the confidence to fully let go of something that burdened my heart for a long time. I can’t even begin to describe to you how free I feel. I feel weightless, hopeful. The future is wide with possibilities. I finally feel excited about the plans God has for me.

Coming to this place, where I’m at right now, wasn’t easy. It required many sleepless nights of pouring my heart out to God. Many moments where a song touched my heart in just the right way to elicit a flow of tears. It even required more heartbreak before I could finally release this idea of what I wanted and embrace what God has for me.

The thing I keep repeating to myself is that I will never miss out on what’s meant for me. I believe that to be true for everyone, including you. When one door closes, God will surely open another one.

Today, allow yourself to fully process the past, but continue to have hope that God will restore your life. He loves you so much and He has an incredible purpose for you.

Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.
Psalm 30:2

‘But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’ declares the LORD.
Jeremiah 30:17

You restored me to health and let me live. Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish. In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back.
Isaiah 38:16-17

Amazing song about healing: https://youtu.be/tDiG3Nxm7CU

Saying the “Right” Thing

Have you been turned away from faith by a person’s words? Or worse, have you said the wrong thing and now regret it? Here’s some advice and encouragement!

I was saddened yesterday by a post a peer shared about the reason she despises all religions, specifically Christianity. She explained that her family “forced it” on her growing up and that a pastor’s weak condolence of “it’s all part of God’s plan” at her grandmother’s funeral was the final nail in the coffin in her rejection of God.

What makes me truly disheartened by this story is the truth that we, as believers, often say things like “it’s all part of God’s plan”. We usually say things like this when things are going well for us, and we want to cheer someone up. Or if we’ve had God reveal this to us through our own experiences. But we have to be careful not to make a few key mistakes when encouraging others in their faith.

What expectations are you holding for unbelievers?

A mentor wisely told me, “We have to be careful to not hold unbelievers to the same expectations we hold believers. After all, they don’t necessary know or care about what the Bible says, so why should we expect them to obey God’s commands?”

This is so true. While we shouldn’t condone sin, we have to realize that until they build a relationship with God, they aren’t going to understand the significance of repentance and God’s forgiveness. Holding them accountable will come in time, but first we must help them realize why they should even desire a relationship with God.

2. Are our words appropriate for the situation?

The pastor’s words to my peer weren’t lies. God does have a plan for everything. However, saying that off-handedly during a funeral may not be the best time. When others experience a significant loss, we shouldn’t force them to move on too quickly. We need to show them God’s comfort and love. Jesus, while on Earth, cried when He saw others suffering. In fact, He holds everyone’s tears in His hands even now. Being present with someone during their time of grief is more meaningful than spewing Bible verses at them. If the Spirit leads you to say something, then say it. But God can work even through our silent moments.

3. Do you have authority over what you are talking about?

My mom once described an old friend as “a person who likes to hear herself talk”. In fact, when making conversation with others, asking them lots of questions is a good start because people enjoy talking about themselves. This can all be fine and good, but when it comes down to witnessing to others, this can often be a shortcoming.

A lot of times we want to share a random tidbit of information we read online, even when we don’t have all the facts. Or we want to answer others’ questions even when we have no authority over the subject. When you are telling someone about Jesus, don’t start creating your own theology or make up answers to their questions. Instead, share personal stories of how Jesus has changed your life.

The best thing to do to be prepared for opportunities to share your faith is reading the Bible. That way you will have authority over what you’re speaking about. Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to lead your discussions. God can give you wisdom right when you need it most.

Anyone who loves Jesus and desires to do His will can be a good witness for Him. Just make sure you’re sharing information that you know will actually benefit and encourage others.

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.
Romans 8:26

My peer’s grandma died of pancreatic cancer, which was the same disease that killed my church’s pastor. However, throughout my pastor’s journey, He grew closer to God and inspired others to keep holding onto faith.

While writing a condolence card for my pastor’s son, I considered sounding full of faith by saying, “God knows what’s best” and “Everything happens for a reason”. But instead, I wrote, “I honestly don’t know why this has happened to your family. But I do know that God has wonderful plans in store for your future.”

By admitting this, I didn’t deny God’s greater plan or the pain of his loss. But I didn’t pretend like I had all the answers, because I don’t. When we are vulnerable and honest, we are not lacking faith, we are becoming more relatable to those curious about God. Perhaps I could’ve said something different, something better. But I’m going to choose to believe that I said the best that I could because I prayed about each word I wrote. We often don’t say “the perfect thing”, but if we truly believe we did what God called us to, we don’t have to have regrets.

We may never fully understand God’s plan while on Earth. God wants us to fully grieve and appreciate those we have lost. There are two things that give me hope during seasons of grief:

God is right beside us. He knows and understands everything we’re feeling. His love isn’t dependent on how we behave or our circumstances.
Our sense of time is so different from God’s. A lifetime down here may be a blink of an eye up in Heaven. Though it’s hard to move forward after a loss, eventually we will be reunited again, this time for eternity.

Now that’s something to look forward to.

But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.
Acts 1:8

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. ¹²Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. ¹³You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. ¹⁴I will be found by you,” declares the Lord.
Jeremiah 29:11-14

Keep Running to Jesus

When your prayers aren’t answered the way you hoped, do you cling to Jesus or stop running to Him?

God will either give us what we ask or give us what we would have asked if we knew everything He knows.
Timothy Keller

Though I read this quote for the first time today, I have been grappling to understand its meaning for years now. Is it really true? Does God really know what’s best for us? Is there a reason behind this waiting, suffering, and discouragement?

My consensus: Yes.

This comes in the wake of an incredibly discouraging week. I’ll spare you most of the details, but a few of the highlights include watching a ministry plummet, learning of a friend’s recent loss, and getting my hopes up about a certain situation (which I’ll go into more detail in) just to get them dashed.

To give some background to this “certain situation”, I must tell you that relationships are everything to me. You’d have to get to know me before realizing that I truly put my all into them. Last summer, a dream came true when one of my best friends visited for a week. We had been friends for years, but this was the first time we spent time together in person. That only strengthened our friendship, yet shortly after we began realizing technology wasn’t on our side. With several states in between us, communicating by phone is crucial. Since late August until last Tuesday, we had only Facetimed once, had a handful of texts, and one voice call. This was extremely draining for both of us, since we had become each other’s confidants and relied on each other. I honestly wasn’t even sure if she was okay and the hardest part was not having any way of finding out.

God’s taught me about control and persistence through this experience. He’s reminded me (as I so often need to remember) that He’s the one in control, not me. He’s whispered “never give up” in my ear countless times. I can’t say I haven’t grown from this experience, despite its difficulty.

Last Tuesday, we thought we had found a solution. We eagerly talked on the phone for half an hour, planning our next call and looking forward to arranging times to get together this summer. I thought I couldn’t be happier! But that night, I realized that our solution was only temporary. Our phones had somehow reversed themselves back again. We had literally tried everything we could think of and more.

During the day on Tuesday, I almost posted about my experience (prior to learning the solution hadn’t worked). On Monday night, as I lay in bed, struggling to fall asleep, I told God about my frustrations over this seemingly hopeless situation. As I shared in my previous post, I’ve been learning about how important it is to be vulnerable with God. So when the impossible happened on Tuesday, I praised God.

It’s taken me two days to think about why what I thought God was giving me had to be taken away again. I’m still not sure, but I have a few ideas.

I wasn’t wrong to praise God on Tuesday. I can (and should) still praise God today, and every day. Even when He doesn’t “come through” the way I want Him to, He’s still a good Father. God gave me what I needed. He gave me the hope to keep going. He allowed us to talk on the phone. The gift of hearing a close friend’s voice after months of silence is invigorating. He reminded me of the importance of gratitude, of not jumping ahead to the next “want/need” before saying thank you and relishing the sense of contentment.

In my Bible study today, I read the story of Lazarus rising from the dead. I’ve heard this story many times, but reading it today gave me new insight.

It was out of Jesus’ love and compassion for Martha and Mary (Lazarus’ sisters) that He didn’t come and heal Lazarus when they called out to Him. He knew what they wanted even before they requested it. But in verse 5 it says,

“Now Jesus loved Martha and her sister and Lazarus. So when he heard that Lazarus was sick, he stayed where he was two more days, and then he said to his disciples, “Let us go back to Judea.'”

He waited in order to give them an even bigger miracle– a resurrection from the dead! This story could’ve been another healing (which albeit is still incredible), but instead it became a story that would bring a community from disbelief to belief. From grief to rejoicing. From hopeless to hopeful.

Martha and Mary could’ve easily believed that Jesus stopped loving them or didn’t care about their situation when He didn’t show up the way they expected. They could’ve ignored Him when He came two days “late”. But instead, they ran to Him and cried with Him. They asked Him the “hard questions”. And Jesus honored that.

It’s so easy to doubt Jesus when things don’t go our way. But the most important thing to believe when we’re in a tough situation is that God knows what’s best and He’s the only one in charge. Jesus hears every prayer you say, whether out loud, in your head, or in your heart. If you run to Jesus, He will lovingly embrace you. So what’s stopping you?

Then Jesus looked up and said, “Father, I thank you that you have heard me. ⁴²I knew that you always hear me, but I said this for the benefit of the people standing here, that they may believe that you sent me.”
⁴³When he had said this, Jesus called in a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out!” ⁴⁴The dead man came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face.
John 11:41

The Lord brings death and makes alive;
he brings down to the grave and raises up.
1 Samuel 2:6

Hope Amidst the Chaos

Is it hard for you to find hope amidst all that’s going on in the world right now? Here’s some encouragement.

If I surveyed every person on Earth, I bet the general consensus would be our world is in a state of chaos. Numerous people are dying from COVID and other illnesses, there is so much division and animosity (even within the church), and people have turned away from the only true source of love and joy. But the truth is, God is no stranger to all that’s going on. Just check out the Bible, and you’ll read about things much stranger than what’s happening right now.

I’ve been trying to read the entire Bible, and I’m currently in Ezekiel. (For those of you who remember it, don’t worry, I’m not focusing on the *extra interesting* parts…if you know, you know). Anyway! There is a lot of drama happening in Ezekiel, for those of you who haven’t read it. Basically, God is using symbolism to tell Ezekiel about the coming punishment the Israelites will face due to their lack of loyalty and love for God. They had turned away from Him, allowing idols to fill their hearts instead.

Now doesn’t that sound familiar? Our world feels so dark these days, like everyone’s lost hope in God.

Something fascinating after each warning from God in Ezekiel is the phrase “Now they will know that I am the Lord”. God is using these terrible events to help His people turn back to Him and realize His power.

This actually brings me a lot of comfort. You might be wondering, “Hannah, how can knowing that God is judging us for our unfaithfulness bring you comfort?”

During a Bible study about our life’s purpose, I shared that the defining factor that makes a life successful is bringing others to Jesus. It doesn’t matter if you had no money in the bank, struggled to keep up in school, or were unpopular. As long as you reap eternal rewards, your life’s meaningful.

The best thing that can happen to our world is a spiritual revival. If these horrible things, such as oppression, illness, poverty, (the list could go on…) make people understand God, then isn’t it all worth it?

Yes, the suffering is terrible. I definitely don’t want to undermine it. We should be helping people suffer less. But maybe within the suffering, there’s a sign from God. A clear message painted across the sky, in fact.

God is the only one in control. He knows what He’s doing.

The best part of that is we don’t have to worry about a thing. The most important thing we can do right now is place our trust and hope in God. God hears us, and He answers, whether it be in a still, small whisper, or a loud roar.

With a strong hand and an outstretched arm,
for his steadfast love endures forever;
Psalm 136:12

Trust in the LORD forever,
for the LORD GOD is an everlasting rock.
Isaiah 26:4

“Skimming” Through the Hard Parts

Is it easy or difficult for you to confront your painful feelings? Here is some encouragement.

Growing up, I was always a fast reader. I’d love rereading my favorite stories, and one of the benefits of knowing the plot ahead of time was skipping or skimming through the parts I didn’t like. Those parts generally included descriptions of bodily harm, embarrassing moments (second-hand embarrassment is real!), and generally any time a character I liked got hurt.

It appears my method of “skimming through the hard parts” has stuck with me through the years. I’ve been journaling for several years now, during a time when I’ve changed a lot, and looking back at old entries makes me cringe! I used to enjoy going through old journals, but now I avoid it because I’d rather just ignore the embarrassing (or even painful) memories.

I’ve shared this before, but I’m not one who easily shares her feelings. I don’t like to admit something has hurt me. Perhaps I subconsciously think that admitting weakness makes me a weak person.

A wise mentor once told me that “the moment we admit something made us afraid, fear loses its power over us”. That will forever be one of my favorite quotes, and to think I heard it in person! Today my pastor tweaked this idea a little bit in a way that may help us both be willing to admit our wounds.

During my Easter series, one of the posts was focused on Thomas and how we can relate to him. Jesus welcomes our questions and our doubts; they aren’t signs of unbelief. Believe it or not, Jesus can handle whatever question we throw at Him!

In the service this morning, the pastor shared how Thomas was able to touch Jesus’ wounds for himself. They must have been healed in some way, right? Thomas wouldn’t have needed to even ask the question of where Jesus’ wounds were if Jesus had blood gushing out of His palms. But yet, there was still enough of a mark to show everyone that He was truly Jesus. And perhaps those wounds never went away until Jesus ascended into Heaven.

But did Jesus hide His wounds, these symbols of the pain and torture He endured? No, he opened conversation about them. He used them as ways to bring others into belief.

What kinds of wounds have you been carrying around with you? Perhaps it’s a painful loss, an abusive relationship, a childhood trauma. Or maybe it’s being rejected, not being seen, or feeling betrayed. Whatever you have been hiding, allow yourself to fully grieve.

You can only heal when you admit your pain and your loss. You can only heal when you allow yourself to feel what you’ve been avoiding, or “skimming”. You see, we can’t skip over the hard parts in life. We can’t speed up the grieving or healing process.

And in those moments of grief, if we turn to God, we can find belief. We can find answers. We can find unexplainable peace.

These wounds are always going to be a part of your story, but they don’t always have to be a painful part. They can lead others to Christ or bring you closer to God.

Today, ask yourself, “What am I running from? What about grief or loss makes me avoid it?” Allow God’s comfort to fill your heart.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:18

May God, the source of hope, fill you with all joy and peace by means of your faith in him, so that your hope will continue to grow by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13