I’ve learned a lot from working at a barn. One of the seemingly least profound things is that running for lengthy periods of time in boots creates long-lasting effects on one’s toes.
You may be wondering how I’m possibly going to tie that opening in with something biblical or even remotely helpful, but hear me out 🙂
I’ve had a hard callus growing on my toe for months now, and I’ve chosen to ignore it. But today, when I put my socks on, I noticed that it was sizably larger than the rest of my toes. It was also red, painful to walk on, and throbbing. Though I still didn’t want to deal with it, I knew I had to in order for the swelling to go down before work. I attached an ice-pack to my foot and proceeded to go on with life.
However, it just couldn’t be that easy.
Moments after, my foot was even redder and the ice stung my skin. I finally had to take it off in order to concentrate on my work. It was more painful treating the injury than the injury itself! However, it worked, and I’m finally able to function normally again.
I don’t know about you, but when I think of healing, I usually picture myself wrapped in a cozy blanket, close to God, away from the harshness of the world. I’m tenderly held within God’s strong hands, sheltered and protected, not having to deal with what hurt me.
While we are always taken care of by God, avoidance is not the way to find true healing. I’ve lived that lie over and over again, trying to push away the pain and just move forward. I’ve prayed to God to help me let go.
But here’s the thing: I couldn’t let go, I couldn’t heal, until I admitted that I couldn’t do it on my own. I couldn’t find peace until I realized that I had experienced something painful. Even if it wasn’t something that others might be concerned by, it still mattered to me.
So many “inspirational” speakers claim that we can’t look back, we have to chug forward, we have to keep moving. There’s definitely some truth to that. But we can’t just ditch the people and experiences that have shaped who we are without allowing ourselves to fully grieve their absence.
Healing involves pain.
I know that sounds counter-intuitive, but it’s true. Just like how the ice also caused my foot more pain, it was the only thing that could help me. Sometimes the pain of confronting old feelings hurts more than when we were originally betrayed. When we are beginning to heal, it may feel like we’re taking steps backward. We may wonder why we are still thinking about them or what happened. We may wonder why we didn’t get the neatly wrapped ending that movies promise us. We may question whether or not we trust God if we are still processing what happened.
God wants us to bring the hard questions to Him. He knows what it’s like to grieve, but also to bring healing. Sometimes healing happens quickly; other times, it will be years of waiting for the freedom that comes with letting go. It doesn’t matter how long it takes you, just trust that someday you will get there.
Over the past two and a half years or so, I’ve gone through some difficult tests of faith. Some included heartbreak, others included costly decisions and damaged relationships. Each individual instance sparked a different series of actions that caused healing. Each one has taken a different amount of time to process and move on from.
Over the past couple weeks, God has helped me have the confidence to fully let go of something that burdened my heart for a long time. I can’t even begin to describe to you how free I feel. I feel weightless, hopeful. The future is wide with possibilities. I finally feel excited about the plans God has for me.
Coming to this place, where I’m at right now, wasn’t easy. It required many sleepless nights of pouring my heart out to God. Many moments where a song touched my heart in just the right way to elicit a flow of tears. It even required more heartbreak before I could finally release this idea of what I wanted and embrace what God has for me.
The thing I keep repeating to myself is that I will never miss out on what’s meant for me. I believe that to be true for everyone, including you. When one door closes, God will surely open another one.
Today, allow yourself to fully process the past, but continue to have hope that God will restore your life. He loves you so much and He has an incredible purpose for you.
Lord my God, I called to you for help, and you healed me.
Psalm 30:2
‘But I will restore you to health and heal your wounds,’ declares the LORD.
Jeremiah 30:17
You restored me to health and let me live. Surely it was for my benefit that I suffered such anguish. In your love you kept me from the pit of destruction; you have put all my sins behind your back.
Isaiah 38:16-17
Amazing song about healing: https://youtu.be/tDiG3Nxm7CU
The Will to Wake Up 