Check out my article for the Christian teen devotional, Unlocked!
This month, I had the privilege of writing an article for the inspiring Christian teen devotional and podcast, Unlocked! You can listen on their website, or request a free paper copy of their quarterly devotional.
Check out my article, “Friendship Friction,” which was released yesterday.
I hope it brings encouragement to you!
Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart,
and the pleasantness of a friend
springs from their heartfelt advice.Proverbs 27:9
Reflecting on the gift of connection.
Have you ever tried to do something alone that you’ve always done with a friend?
For me, that’s currently exercising. The healthiest I’ve ever been was when I would walk and play tennis with one of my closest friends who used to live down the street. It was more than just getting some fresh air–we would laugh and the time would fly by.
But years later, it’s so much harder to find the motivation to do what used to feel simple. We would walk for miles before forcing ourselves to get other things done. Alone, it’s hard to go even half that distance without getting bored.
Most things in life are more fun with a friend, especially one who inspires, encourages, and pushes you to be the best version of yourself.
Sometimes, as Christians, we get so focused on having a relationship with God that we forget part of that involves community with others. Jesus didn’t do His ministry alone–He chose to have disciples alongside Him. There are so many incredible stories of friendship, loyalty, and endurance in the Bible, such as:
Jonathan and David (1 Samuel 20)
Ruth and Naomi (Ruth 1)
Elisha and Elijah (2 Kings 2)
Mary, Martha, and Jesus (Luke 10; John 11)
Paul and Silas (Acts 16)
And so many others!
When we have been let down or excluded by other believers, it’s easy to give up on reaching out for connection. But it’s still vital to our personal and spiritual growth. We were made for community–from the very beginning, God recognized that Adam was not good alone; he needed a friend (Genesis 2:18).
Even though it may be scary or humbling to seek friendship, I encourage you to take a step towards building a connection this week. Chances are, you aren’t the only one longing for a kind and encouraging companion.
It’s incredible all that God can do when we work together. Just think, you can be part of that amazing purpose too ❤
“Again, truly I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything they ask for, it will be done for them by my Father in heaven. For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.”
Matthew 18:19-20
Do not forsake your friend or a friend of your family,
Proverbs 27:10
and do not go to your relative’s house when disaster strikes you—
better a neighbor nearby than a relative far away.
Two are better than one,
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down,
one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls
and has no one to help them up.
Do you feel exhausted living in a world that assumes?
Connected even when apart, whether through mobile devices, social media, or even tracking apps, why are we (GenZers) considered the loneliest generation?
Whether or not you are part of this generation, our world continues to feel isolated even as COVID restrictions relax and people start getting out in the world again.
Perhaps it’s because “connection” no longer means meaningful conversations, getting to know one another on a deeper level, or the start of a friendship. Rather, connection has grown cold. A mere point of contact.
I am part of a social media community that began as a way for people with similar hobbies to encourage and help each other develop photography skills. However, now it has become a place where anyone who even likes or follows the “wrong” or “cancelled” person will be the next kicked out. While this is done out of hurt feelings, or perhaps even fear of being “exposed” themselves, it has destroyed a space that used to bring joy to many.
While internet relationships are often blamed, we are just as inclined to judge people quickly when face-to-face, including in communities of Christ-followers.
While participating in ministry, I have sadly witnessed many otherwise loving and God-honoring leaders turn on each other over issues that could’ve been resolved in a polite and respectful manner. One preference leads to a series of assumptions that are often untrue or speak nothing of a person’s character and capabilities.
Our society prides itself on how much better we are than previous eras in history. We are so much more informed and aware now.
But are we really better? Or are the same traps our ancestors fell into the ones we are encountering today?
The stereotypes we create for people aren’t the same as in the past (which is a step in the right direction), yet we still make assumptions about people, particularly because we often don’t take the time to fully get to know the people in our communities.
It is wonderful that we now have the opportunity to make friends from around the world, yet this gift needs to be handled with wisdom. How can we rationalize “exposing” someone on the Internet if we don’t even know their real name or anything about their history? How can we convince ourselves that we are loving when we remove someone from our lives over a difference of opinion?
The truth is, opinions (yes, even the ones that feel like so much more than that) will change. People, when given the opportunity and environment, will grow.
Put yourself in your childhood shoes. If your teacher yelled and screamed at you, then forced you out of the classroom if you didn’t get the answer they were hoping for, would you actually learn anything except that you didn’t want to be near the teacher? Probably not.
But if your teacher listened to your ideas, even if they were misguided, and respected you as a person while explaining another approach, you would likely remember the lesson and desire to come back the next day.
Jesus is the best teacher of all. He listens to us, even though all of us, with our minds combined, could never compare to His wisdom and knowledge. Yet He loves us, and as He helps us become the best people we can be, allows us to make mistakes and ask for forgiveness.
Grace is Jesus’ never-ending gift for us. If we can sprinkle a little of that grace within our lives, imagine the healing it would bring. ❤
For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.
Ephesians 2:8-9
In the same way, the gospel is bearing fruit and growing throughout the whole world—just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and truly understood God’s grace.
Colossians 1:6
Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.
Colossians 4:6
Whether they’re your friend, parent, sibling, or significant other, you want them to feel loved by you. But how can you go about doing that in a way that’s special to them?
Let’s be honest–we all have a preferred way of showing love to others and receiving it. Sometimes, one person’s knitted scarf is another person’s bear hug. It’s important to understand the different love languages in order to help others feel God’s love. Jesus’ biggest command was “Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” This seems simple in theory, but when we combine this command with people who experience love differently than us, it gets complicated. But the best way to understand others is by learning about them.
So…how do we go about doing that?
First of all, we must understand the different love languages, which have been grouped into five categories:
So, now that you know all the types, let’s answer a few questions you might have surrounding them.
Of course not! I used to wonder that, though. When I was growing up, I saw other kids get hugs from their parents all the time, while with my dad, it was more of a yearly thing. I learned to realize that his love language isn’t physical touch, but acts of service, since he was always doing things for me. That doesn’t mean he doesn’t love me, just that he shows it in a different way.
However, if someone close to you isn’t showing you the type of love that makes you feel loved, it’s possible they just don’t realize that you have a different love language than them. It’s important to speak up and share what makes you feel good. It’s also important to not get too caught up in what we think we lack and rather notice how to help others instead. Sometimes loving others ends up being an act of self-care as well.
I like to think of people having two types of love languages: the type they give and the type they receive. Sometimes it’s the same, but often it’s different.
For me, I clearly love words, and speaking words of affirmation is my favorite love language. (Though it’s hard to choose just one!) But in terms of receiving love, I feel more loved when people spend quality time with me. To me, time is the most valuable gift a person has, and if they are willing to share it with me, then I am honored.
The bottom line is that it’s okay–good actually– if you encompass multiple types, enjoy all or only one of them, and experience love differently than how you give it out.
The first way is the most simple: just ask! Most people know what they enjoy, even if they don’t know the specific “categories”. You don’t have to feel shy about it; it shows that you care when you are willing to ask.
However, there are other ways of figuring this information out too. See how they show you or others love. Even if that’s not their primary receiving love language, I’m sure they still enjoy it and would appreciate the reciprocation. Notice what they talk about a lot and what they are passionate about. That can also give indications as to what they enjoy and what makes them feel alive.
No! God gives us all different spiritual gifts. Yours might be making a delicious meal for a family in need while another’s is writing thoughtful cards. While it’s good to keep in mind what loved ones’ preferred love languages are, it’s also important to stay true to yourself when showing love to others. It may not feel authentic if you do something you are not comfortable with.
As always, follow God’s leading when it comes to loving others. He adores it when we show the world His compassion and kindness. When you follow His Spirit, you’ll be amazed all the people out there who are waiting to experience His love through you. ❤
And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.
Ephesians 3:18-19
How are the people in your life influencing you?
When you were growing up, did you ever have that one friend that your parents were worried you’d end up like? Maybe they didn’t follow the rules or they were disrespectful. Your parents didn’t want you to spend too much time with that friend because they didn’t want you to become like them. Whether or not you learned this the hard way, as an adult, you likely know it to be true that the people closest to you are the ones who have the greatest influence over you.
What I bet you didn’t know is that the Bible affirms the decision to be wise and cautious about who you let into your close circle. I’ve been reading through Proverbs recently, and I’ve come across a few key reminders about who to be friends with.
A man of too many friends comes to ruin,
Proverbs 18:24
But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
This doesn’t mean we should turn away a person who needs a friend necessarily, but it’s a good reminder that physically as humans we don’t have the energy or resources to be a good friend to a lot of people. We can be there for them, pray for them, and show God’s love to them, but we can’t be everybody’s ride-or-die companion. When we allow too many people into our close circles, the filter we place over our friends’ advice and opinions grows weaker. But if we pour a lot into a few deep relationships, we’ll feel encouraged and strengthened in our faith.
2. Seek friends who are honest and loyal
Better is open rebuke
Than love that is concealed.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend,
But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.
Proverbs 27:5-6
Two of the most important qualities in a friend are honesty and loyalty. You know you are close to someone when you can openly share what you think would help them grow as a person and as a friend. And when your friend needs to confront you about something, you don’t feel hurt or betrayed, but rather cared for by their consideration to help you improve too. If all your friends simply flatter you or only remain on the surface level, then perhaps they really aren’t such close friends.
Though honesty may hurt sometimes, you know that a relationship is strong when you can be truly vulnerable and open about everything.
3. A good friend is there through the dark times
A friend loves at all times,
And a brother is born for adversity.
Proverbs 17:17
You may have heard this verse before because it’s so good and widely shared. Expanding on the idea of loyalty, the people in your close circle need to be there for you when you are going through difficult times. But you also have to be willing– actually, wanting– to be there for them even when they aren’t at their best either. That’s why we can’t have too many people in our close circle, because we can’t always be there for everyone all the time. But when you walk through the fire with someone, your relationship will grow stronger.
4. Seek friends who give wise counsel
He who walks with wise men will be wise,
But the companion of fools will suffer harm.
Proverbs 13:20
Your friends should be the ones you can turn to when you need help solving a problem. Now, no one is perfect or gives the best advice every time, but it’s important to be around people who share your morals and who give thought to their answers to your questions. These people who are in the Word, who pray and seek God’s counsel, will be the ones who will help you make the best decisions and will help you grow in maturity and wisdom as well.
5. Last but not least, choose friends who exhibit qualities you want to have
Do not associate with a man given to anger;
Or go with a hot-tempered man,
Or you will learn his ways
And find a snare for yourself.
Proverbs 22:24-25
Iron sharpens iron,
So one man sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:17
Coming full circle here, when you are around people who are critical, angry, and judgemental, you will become like them. Whether it’s your annoyance over their bad habits or how their qualities seem less upsetting the longer you spend with them, the truth is, one of the most important things you can do in life is surrounding yourself with people who mirror God-like qualities. You don’t want to be living in fear of your friends or becoming like them. Rather, you should be in relationships that sharpen you and your faith.
Now, you might be thinking that you should still allow difficult people into your inner circle to help them. But here’s the thing, if you become like them, then you will start harming others. There’s a ripple effect; if you grow close to an angry person and become angry yourself, then the people around you will start being like that too. Of course, you should still be kind and welcoming to difficult people, but you shouldn’t allow them to be big influencers in your life.
Based on what I’ve been saying, you might be frustrated by humans’ ability to become like the people they’re around. But this trait is actually a good thing when it comes to the most important relationship we have: our relationship with Jesus.
You see, the more time you spend with the most amazing friend you have (Jesus), you will become more like Him. And that’s our ultimate goal as believers, right? The more time you spend with Jesus, the more you’ll see that ripple effect of love and compassion pour into the lives of the people around you.
So today, think about who you consider to be your closest friends. Do you share any qualities with them? Do they positively influence you?
And most importantly, spend time with Jesus and thank Him for being our best friend.
Do not be deceived: Bad company corrupts good morals.
1 Corinthians 15:33
The righteous is a guide to his neighbor,
But the way of the wicked leads them astray.
Proverbs 12:26
How often do you find yourself so consumed by what you want to say, you have trouble listening to others? Here’s some advice!
We often underestimate how powerful our words can be.
I know a lot of people use that line to lead up to a “taming of the tongue” speech, but it’s so true. I’ve been reading through Proverbs (which by the way, if you want an overload of wisdom, go check it out) and there is so much advice about using our words wisely.
Our culture emphasizes saying as much as we can whenever we can. But that leads us to be too busy thinking about what we want to say that we don’t listen to anyone else. Being “quiet” is often undervalued. The quiet people are left on their own to observe life and may even be teased, when in reality, King Solomon in the Bible suggests that the people who use their words sparingly and wisely are the ones we should learn from.
The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered. Even fools are thought wise if they keep silent, and discerning if they hold their tongues.
Proverbs 17:27-28
In a society where anyone can say anything, often via social media, we are encouraged to talk over each other and not really listen to what anyone else is saying. That’s why I’m so glad there’s been a recent push to listen to those who have been previously silenced. An old saying goes, it’s better to be a good listener than a good talker.
I’m sure, whether you enjoy talking or listening more, you have noticed how the outgoing, chatty people attract more friends. Hopefully you have a mix of multiple personalities within your friend group. Would you want to tell your deepest secret or confide your toughest feelings in the popular, talkative friend or in the friend who is a good listener?
Now, I’m not saying that popular, outgoing people can’t be good listeners. Sometimes the quiet people aren’t good listeners either, and are more in their own world. But what I mean is that we can all benefit from taking Solomon’s words to heart and treat each word like a valuable gift. If we use our words sparingly and with wisdom, then we will be less likely to gossip (which destroys friendships), say something in the heat of anger, or say something that offends someone.
If I still haven’t proved to you that being a good listener makes you a better person to be in relationship with, think about it this way. We all have that friend, you know the one, who talks for 90% of the conversation and asks you maybe one or two questions about your life. And while you’re answering, they cut in with their own example. You feel like you have to talk as fast as you can just to get a word in edgewise.
Sometimes I wonder if God feels like we do in that situation when we pray. We spend a chunk of our day simply talking to Him, which He loves, of course. But when do we give Him the chance to guide us? I guarantee what He has to say is more important than what we have to say.
But the best benefit of appreciating silence and learning how to listen is that it will help us be able to discern the voice of God. Our conversations with God are the most important we will ever have. And I use the word “conversation” because that’s what it needs to be– two-way!
I’ve shared here about my experiences with hearing from God, and I’ve noticed that when I am set on my own plans and busier, I have trouble knowing what God is telling me.
That’s why my challenge for you–and me!– this week is to take some intentional quiet time with God. No distractions, just you and God. And I bet that will open the door of communication between the two of you.
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
James 1:19
If you would like to hear me read my blog posts and for additional encouragement, check out my new podcast!
Podcast: https://anchor.fm/hannah-chung4
The Will to Wake Up 