Tag: Feelings

To The Indifferent American Teen

An open letter to GenZers.

            Dear Indifferent American Teen,

            Struggling to get up. Lacking motivation. Scrolling for hours. Feeling like a failure. Looking to your elders. Regretting your short life. You fight a battle too. I feel you.

            You Indifferent American Teen.

            You say “I don’t care”. Your shrug and your smirk confirm it.

            But your “I don’t cares” are your cries for help. Your cries tell me that you do care.

            You care until your insides ache and you can barely swallow your pride. You care until your face blemishes and your eyes are forced to turn aside. You care and you care and you care until all you care about is yourself. And that kills you the most.

            Indifference is the mask you have been taught to wear. Only this type of mask doesn’t protect you. It pulls you back. It holds you captive. You are stuck in a web of lies.

            I think you care. People say you don’t, but I know you. I am you. I feel you.

            I think you care the most.

            Every time your heart breaks, you must evaluate how someone will react. Will you lose a friend? Will you be cancelled? Will life ever be the same?

            Every time a new issue pops up, it feels too far away to be real. Yet you don’t want to be left behind. But grasping in the dark for something steady to support you is an endless battle that will tear you apart until you become as empty as your spirit after a tough night.

            You are in a sea of emotions. You are drowning and the only thing you can use as a lifesaver is indifference.

            Indifference makes you sarcastic and pathetic. Indifference makes you hard and distant. Indifference makes you laugh when you know it stings the soul of a fellow human being who stares at you until the laughter dissolves into a tidal wave of tears.

            Indifference is the deepest feeling of all.

            You have been hurt. Your wounds are deep. But you can’t blame a war or a movement or a lack of knowledge. Instead, you blame yourself.

            But you don’t want to be weak. You are supposed to be strong. Strong and independent. Proving your worth. That’s who you are. You can’t change. That’s what they say, anyway.

            Even though you’re young with a full life ahead of you. Even though you’re bright and you aren’t your parents. Even though you’re special and precious and loved. Even though all these things…who are you?

            I’m sitting beside you. I won’t tell you to cry or to feel or to trust me. Trust, that’s something in short supply. What I’ll tell you is this: You aren’t alone. Staring out at the starry night sky, there is someone–thousands of someones–who are just like you. And they don’t know who that person is either.

            I don’t know you. Maybe you don’t want me to. Maybe the only thing keeping you going is keeping your identity a mystery. All yours, no one else’s.

            Sorry to burst your bubble, but someone does know you. Someone cares about you. That Someone wants you. Needs you. Trusts you. Values you.

            That Someone will love you the way your heart longs to be loved as your eyes linger a little too long on the one that broke your heart. It wasn’t their love that you needed. It was Someone’s.

            I’ll venture to say, it was God’s.

            So when you feel indifferent, tell Someone that. Tell Him and wait. You might just get a feeling.

            I know I did.

            Sincerely,

            Your Fellow American Teen, who isn’t so indifferent anymore

More Than You Can Bear

Are you feeling overwhelmed, wondering where Jesus is in the midst of all you’re going through?

Sometimes, life just feels like too much. One thing after another, spiraling into a season of chaos. And when one stressful season ends, it feels as though another is just around the corner. During these times of uncertainty, you may only have the energy to ask God one simple thing: “Why?”.

To be honest, I’ve been asking God “why” a lot recently. Why this school, why these feelings, why don’t I understand?

What are some questions you have for God? Maybe they are related to your mental or physical health, or perhaps an important relationship in your life. There are countless things to question God about; the tough thing is waiting for an answer.

Yesterday, I was feeling overwhelmed by the burden of wanting to do whatever I can to help others, yet not knowing where to start. I was reading about how my generation, Gen Z, is considered a “lost generation” due to the high levels of anxiety, depression, and overall despair. Everyone feels…alone. All they want is to feel something, which leads to an assortment of harmful behaviors that take the place of being fully cared for and embraced.

Do you ever read Bible verses that make you frustrated? Often these are verses that are designed to make us feel better, yet when they don’t, they almost feel like a mockery of our pain. We read verses about Jesus carrying our burdens and our joy being complete through Him, but when we feel hopeless, heavy, and tired, these promises become empty words.

So often, we expect Jesus to be like another person: fallible. We avoid calling out to Him because we assume our emotions are too much for Him or that He won’t follow through in time, if ever. And when we do call out, sometimes nothing changes for a while.

All we have left is our weak, exhausted soul calling out for help and clarity.

When I hear about all the things people are struggling with, I want to scream at the top of my lungs, “Where are you, Jesus?”. But for some reason, that feels wrong. How can I scream at the One who is the source of my joy and peace? He literally saved me. Shouldn’t that be enough?

But here’s the thing: Jesus doesn’t expect us to be satisfied just with His earthly appearance and sacrifice thousands of years ago. That’s why He’s given us the Holy Spirit, called our Advocate, to speak on behalf of us.

Jesus, God, the Holy Spirit…they are all-powerful, incomparable, divine beings who want to be in relationship with you.

The Holy Spirit is inside you, feeling everything you’re feeling, enraged about everything that bothers you, and desperately fighting for you. And when you take the time to listen, really listen, and look for the ways Jesus is showing you He’s there, maybe this burden won’t feel so lonely.

Last night, I wrote in my prayer journal, as I always do, yet I couldn’t feel Jesus. I couldn’t really feel anything except frustration and fear. I asked Jesus what I should do, but I didn’t hear anything. A little while later, I opened up my Bible to continue reading Nehemiah.

In that chapter, Nehemiah was assigning tasks to those helping him do God’s work of restoring a city that had previously been oppressed. One particular character caught my eye, a “faithful person who feared God more than most”. This man was given an important task, a task that was clearly not for the faint of heart. However, Nehemiah, through the guidance of God, knew he could handle it because of his obedience and dedication to God.

Right in that moment, I felt Jesus speaking to me, reminding me that He has given me this life because He knows that I can make good use of it. He knows that it’s hard, but He has equipped me with everything I need to carry on.

I believe that Jesus is telling you the same thing. No matter what you are going through, Jesus is right beside you. He is waiting for you to call out to Him. He wants everything, even your toughest questions. He’s making a way for you, even if you can’t see it yet.

I encourage you to make the time to simply rest with Jesus. Allow yourself to step away from the world and let His Spirit of peace fill your mind and heart. You never know what may come out of it, perhaps even a change in perspective and a renewal of hope.

Jesus promises to never give us more than we can bear. He knows you, He loves you, and He is ready to transform you into the person you are meant to be.

Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.

James 1:2-4

God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

1 Corinthians 10:13

A song recommendation if you need encouragement: It’s Gonna Get Better, by The Young Escape: https://youtu.be/DDSNoibW41M

The God of Feelings

Do you ever worry about your feelings being too big for God? Here’s some advice and encouragement!

I’ve often spoken of how God isn’t a “God of feelings”. He’s so much bigger than that, loyal, faithful, honest, and never-changing. His love is so different from the fleeting love we experience in many relationships.

While all of that is true and important to recognize, I’ve realized I may have done an incredible disservice to you. By speaking so joyfully about God in this way, I may have misled you into believing that He doesn’t have feelings, that feelings don’t have a place in our world. But believe me, feelings do have an important place, and God does have feelings too.

I’ve seen the consequences of not “believing in feelings” firsthand within my own family. I used to think it was just my family, but during the recent spread of awareness about the issues Asian Americans have faced, I’m beginning to realize it’s cultural. It’s a known fact that there’s a stigma around mental health in the Asian American community, often because our mental health has not been seen as important in the past. For my dad’s side of the family, expressing any kind of feeling (other than indifference) is seen as a weakness.

Both my dad and my grandma, whenever they mention a loss or a difficulty, laugh it off to prove they are okay. I’ve never seen either of them cry. They literally live out the line from Let it Go, “Conceal, don’t feel, don’t let them know.” Whenever I share a hardship with them, they merely shrug and act like I’m an idiot for being the least bit concerned.

But I know those feelings are deep within them. When our dog passed away last year, my dad clung onto compulsive actions in an attempt to unknowingly cope. The stress lines and the frown on his face indicate his anxiety. Yet if asked, it will be received with harsh reprimands for ever assuming anything’s not fine. It deeply saddens me to see them suffering like this. The negative feelings won’t dissipate simply because we choose to ignore them. Rather, they continue to bubble up until we are forced to confront them, often by this point in an unhealthy way.

I think Christians often fall into the trap of making everyone think they have to be fine in order to be a Christian. “You must not trust God if you are sad or disappointed,” they often say. “Everything happens for a reason, and if you don’t believe that fully at every given moment, then you must not be saved!”

But that’s not true. If our faith was dependent on never having a single doubt or wavering moment, then our faith wouldn’t be much of anything. Our faith is built on God’s grace and forgiveness. When we get out on the water with Him and falter, He will stretch out His hand and rescue us. And those moments of truly needing His saving is what strengthens our faith the most.

When we’re close to God, we know His character. He isn’t going to turn away from us when we have tear stains on our cheeks. He isn’t going to laugh at us when we come to Him in bits and pieces after our heart’s been broken. He isn’t going to mock us when we are asking for forgiveness.

Rather, He is going to be there waiting for us, excited when we turn to Him through everything we’re feeling.

It’s when we don’t know God’s character that we fear coming to Him as anything less than perfect. Well, let me tell you, God knows darn well that we aren’t perfect! He knows our every thought and feeling. He hears every whispered cry and every quiet call for help.

But guess what? God isn’t afraid of what you’re feeling.

God is so much more powerful than what we’re feeling. He has given us this life, and these feelings, in order to bring us closer to Him and to each other. So don’t deny the fact that you have feelings. Rather, see how these feelings may be prompting you to show other’s God’s love.

One of the greatest marks of a follower of Christ is compassion. I once read in a Bible study that compassion is “love in action”. It requires stepping into another person’s shoes and feeling what they are feeling. We can’t show compassion if we deny ourselves our right to feel.

We can’t control how we feel, but we can control what we do with those feelings. If you are worried about your feelings taking over your life, then remember that you can allow God to use those feelings for good.

No matter how you’re feeling today, your feelings are valid. They matter. But they certainly won’t ever define who you are in Christ.

Lord, you have examined me

    and know all about me.

2 You know when I sit down and when I get up.

    You know my thoughts before I think them.

3 You know where I go and where I lie down.

    You know everything I do.

4 Lord, even before I say a word,

    you already know it.

Psalm 139:1-4

Song Recommendation: Broken Prayers, by Riley Clemmons: https://youtu.be/cBDt_-tIfLI

You Don’t Need Justification

Are you in a dark part of your life right now? Here’s a little hope.

For several months of my life a few years ago, I felt like the most lonely person in the world. I almost wanted to be diagnosed with something so that I could have justification for how I felt.

When talking about my experiences with loneliness, I often share with others the major life events that took place during that time, trying to explain the justification behind my feelings.

There are so many people out there feeling upset, discouraged, and utterly alone. Hopeless. They want an answer to why they are feeling the way they do, so they turn to online resources, personality tests, and their community. They want to feel like they have a reason for being who they are.

I want to say this right now, and I hope you can believe it. You don’t need to justify how you’re feeling to anyone. God made you the way you are for a reason– never doubt that. You are lovable. You are worthy. You have a purpose.

I feel like we often just need that reminder, no matter who we are or what we are struggling with. We need validation.

But the only one who should be allowed to validate us is God himself. God is the one who knows us, loves us unconditionally, and created us in the beginning.

No one else can say that. So then why do we give them power over our lives?

Just some thoughts on a day that has been a little extra tough for me. Maybe you’re going through one of those days too.

You’re not alone. God will always be with you, to the very end of the age. He promises that, and God has never broken a single promise.

“And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

Matthew 28:20

Can I be Upset AND a Christian?

If you’ve felt guilty for being anything but happy, then this post is for you.

I’m going to be honest with you, because I always am, and say that recently I haven’t really been feeling myself. It’s been off and on, and I’ve tried to avoid thinking about it.

But today I had something force me to think about it. I confronted my emotions and tried to figure out what had changed. I realized that perhaps I was hurt about something that I didn’t want to deal with and I was allowing that to come into other parts of my life.

Something not often discussed by Christians is how to confront our negative feelings. Often the verse “count it all joy” comes to mind and we decide that it’s best to not feel those uncomfortable things. If we are upset, then we aren’t Christian, right?

Wrong.

Being joyful all the time does not mean we have to be happy all the time. Joy does not equal happiness.

Being joyful means that while we can be upset, we do not have to give up on our hope in Jesus. We still believe that He is good no matter what. We are not as easily discouraged. However, it means we can and should cry when we need to and feel those difficult emotions when they arise.

If you are not feeling particularly happy today, that’s okay. But instead of allowing that sadness to flow into all the areas of your life, take some time to rest today and reflect on what exactly is causing you to feel this way. Is it someone that hurt you in the past? Is is a major stressor that you’ve been trying to ignore?

Take time to pray to God and ask Him how to combat these feelings in a healthy way. It’s okay if you need to call someone you can trust to seek help or if you don’t feel like talking about it.

I want you to remember that being upset does not mean you’re a “bad Christian”. Even Jesus wept and got upset. But He didn’t allow that to hurt His relationships or negatively impact His ministry. Instead, He used those feelings as a way to connect with His Father.

So today, if you aren’t feeling quite yourself, that’s okay. I want you to take some time to sit with those feelings and understand what is causing them. If you need to make some changes, then make those changes!

Ultimately, God is in control of your life and He will be there for you whether you’re angry, sad, heartbroken, happy, or anything in between. God loves you so much.

When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. He keeps all his bones; not one of them is broken.

Psalm 34:17-20