I’m going to admit, one of my guilty pleasures is rom-coms. I don’t know why since I wouldn’t consider myself the “most romantic person in the world”. But if there’s a really good rom-com out there, I will likely watch it and enjoy it.
The most recent one I’ve watched is the third movie about Lara Jean in the To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before series. She and her boyfriend, Peter, have gone through many ups and downs since they initially got together at the end of the first movie. They’ve matured and have grown significantly closer. In fact, they even plan on going to college together and staying together forever. (Might be sad if they weren’t planning on the latter, now that I think about it).
Anyway, the “big event” of this movie is (spoiler alert!) Lara Jean not getting into the college that they were planning to attend together. The issue is, because they were both planning on going for so long, Lara Jean doesn’t have the heart to tell Peter. So he buys her a Stanford tree hat, decorates his car, and takes her out on a special date to celebrate her acceptance (since he is unaware of her rejection). So you’d think that by the time she does tell him, he’d be pretty upset, right? Probably annoyed, angry, maybe even ready to break up?
But his answer stunned me. And moved me greatly. I don’t often cry during movies, and I thought I would at the end of this one since it’s the last in the series, but the moment I almost cried was at Peter’s response to Lara Jean’s heart-wrenching confession that she didn’t make it into Stanford.
He looks at her with such care and concern as she starts rambling on and on about how she can fix the situation. He stops her and says in a soft, empathetic voice, “How are you doing?”
I’m sure he knows at this moment that his dreams are crushed as much as hers. He had his hopes set on her going to Stanford too. But he doesn’t let that affect the way he reacts. Instead, he puts his care and love for her over his disappointment.
Wow. Okay, let’s regroup for a minute here. (Also go watch the movie after if I haven’t spoiled too much of it for you).
So you might be thinking, “Aw, what a great boyfriend! Next?”
No. We need to really think about this lesson embedded in this scene. Like, how many times have you been dreading telling someone something you knew would disappoint them and you were greeted with a harsh, or even just discouraged, response?
Probably many times.
But how many times have you been given love and admiration for the courage it took you to share that news? How many times were you asked, before any opinions were shared, how you were doing?
And let me flip that question around a bit. When was the last time you responded to disappointing news with care and concern instead of worry or anger?
I think the reason this scene meant so much to me is because I really wanted someone to just ask me how I was doing. I also felt guilty that I haven’t always reacted with such maturity and love to others when faced in similar situations. I’m more inclined to share my opinions on the news rather than hear their side of the story.
Now, I know there are many instances where they say not to ask that question, like right after someone died or something like that. Often that just overwhelms a person.
But I think you’ll know deep down in your heart when it’s the right time to ask if you really stop and let yourself step into the other person’s shoes.
Is there someone who needs to be asked how they’re doing? Like, how they’re really doing?
I know it can be awkward, but sometimes you just have to be the first person to make a move. You have to be the one to start that act of kindness. And if you think about it, that’s only four words. Four simple words to completely change a conversation, even a relationship, around.
So the next time you are tempted to get annoyed at someone’s bad news, think about the situation from their perspective and respond with empathy. Or, if you feel like there’s someone being overlooked or overworked, reach out and see if you can be there for them.
You never know how you might be able to change a life today.
Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32
The Will to Wake Up 