Tag: Confidence

You Can’t Save Yourself

Do you feel ready to give up on God and turn to yourself when life gets difficult?

I firmly believe you have immense value, you are loved, and we should do whatever we can to encourage each other. But one thing I will never stand behind is the false belief that we have the power to save ourselves.

Usually, this lie isn’t delivered this bluntly. It’s packaged in phrases like “I am my own hero” and “I am the only one I can rely on” and “The only one who can help me is me“.

When we first get tempted to believe this lie, we may feel refreshed, happier than we’ve ever been. But over time, we become even more drained than before, wondering what went wrong, and having even less self-confidence than before.

How do I know this is true? Because I’ve tried it, my friend, and it doesn’t do any good.

A few years ago, I was in a situation that left me feeling rejected and unimportant. So where did I go with my wounded pride? Social media.

Scrolling through positive self-confidence feeds until all I could repeat were those mantras. I believe repeating positive phrases is important, but not when they cause us to fixate on ourselves and rely on false strength.

At the end of it, I felt invigorated, ready to conquer the world and bash all those people who had hurt me. I’m a better version of me now, I thought. I can do anything!

As time went on, I began harboring more and more resentment towards the people who made me feel less-than. My focus wasn’t on helping myself; it was on seeking revenge.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “The best revenge is living a life worth being jealous of?”

No–don’t live a good, fulfilling life that way. Why? Because you can’t live an honest, purposeful life while constantly looking over your shoulder to make sure others are admiring it!

Live a life you are thankful for and proud of so that you can know you’ve made a difference in the world for the greater good…for God’s good.

So what finally got me out of this resentful, self-consumed mindset? Actually spending time with the people who had hurt me.

After one conversation, my feelings fizzled away. I was humbly reminded that I wasn’t the only one going through tough things. That yes, my feelings mattered, but they don’t dictate everyone’s lives and they shouldn’t be the sole ruler of mine.

That night, I felt stripped of any false confidence and strength I possessed before. Instead, I was convicted of the bitter, awful feelings buried in my heart.

Those feelings weren’t pleasant. I’d prefer not to relive them, even though I have been convicted of these things since then. But you know, by the end of it, I felt even better than I had before.

I was finally at the root of my problems. It wasn’t really about trying to improve myself; it was about the hurt and rejection I had experienced that led me to believe I wasn’t worthy in the first place.

But that just isn’t true, for either of us.

After admitting the core of my problems to God, I felt clean. I felt made new. I felt like I was finally getting somewhere in life.

Ultimately, I felt like God was using me again.

The saddest part about believing we can save ourselves is how it influences our relationship with God. God is the only One who can save us. He’s the only One who could’ve created us to begin with! So how can we possibly take credit for the work only our Divine Savior can accomplish?

It’s tempting to believe we are our only saviors when life doesn’t go the way we hope. It’s tempting to turn to positive mantras, colorful reassurances, and all the things that give us a temporary confidence boost.

But God never promises that life will be easy or that our prayers will be answered the way we hoped or within our timetable. God gives us a greater promise: that His will is going to be done, that He is always with us, and that we have nothing to fear.

I’m urging you now, before you become somebody you are not, to release your wounds and deep feelings to God. Allow yourself to feel disappointed or scared or overwhelmed with grief. Once you admit how you feel and that you are only truly strong through God, you will begin to feel better knowing that you are not alone.

Though none of us can save ourselves, you do have the power to help yourself. So help yourself today by resting and being vulnerable with Jesus, as well as those who also love you. I know that you can get through this, one step at a time. Remember, you are worth what it takes to truly heal ❤

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Ephesians 2:8-10

It’s Time to Check In

It’s easy to remember to check in on the people in our lives who seem to really need us. But when was the last time you checked in on your friends who “have it all together”?

I once heard that the people who seem to have it the most “together” are the ones who in the most need of being checked in on. I find this to be very true. When people create a large “cover” to hide their deeper feelings, it’s easier for them to be overlooked.

Last week, I got the privilege of spending time with a friend I haven’t seen in nearly a year. As I’m sure you’ve experienced when reconnecting with people after being locked down for so long, we spent the majority of the conversation discussing all we had missed from each other’s lives over the past year. She admitted to feeling frustrated over how people in her life, especially people close to her, assumed everything came easy to her and that she never needed their help. “It’s true,” she said. “Most people think I have it all together. But I really don’t.”

In all honesty, I had regarded her as a person who did have it all together. The perfect grades, a good head on her shoulders, an admirable amount of confidence. Though I wasn’t one of the people she had been referring to, I felt a sense of guilt as I realized I spent more time investing in the people in my life who had obvious needs than people like her. And just because she needed help, she needed someone to ask how she was doing, it doesn’t make her any less of the incredible person I thought she was. All of her accomplishments mean even more now that I know her mindset through those times.

Sometimes, we talk ourselves out of checking in on people. We allow our outward impressions of others to define our relationship with them. We enjoy labeling friends as “the one we have fun with” or “the one we get wise advice from” or “the one who relies on me”. But the truth is, we all need to be shown that we are cared about and that we aren’t going through life alone. And often, the ones who laugh the most and act like everything’s okay are the ones who would appreciate a kind word or a simple act of love the most. They are often the ones who are always overlooked in this sense.

Two and a half years ago, I was in a dark place. I was this close to spiraling into a place of despair. But then a friend reached out to me and checked in. She could see, or perhaps God helped her see, that something was wrong. Something deeper than what I presented on the surface. And that saved me from going into a place I don’t know if I could’ve recovered from.

Today, ask God to bring to your mind someone, or perhaps multiple people, who need you to check in on them. You don’t have to start off with deep, thought-provoking questions. Rather, just see if they need someone to talk to or if you can spend some time with them. Think outside the box, to the people who might seem okay or who might not have anyone in their lives who care about their feelings.

In the Bible, we are told that people will know we follow Jesus because of our love. The greatest commandment is to love God and love people. If we wake up every morning realizing how much love God has for us, we can extend that love to others.

You are loved. ❤

I give you a new command: Love one another. Just as I have loved you, you are also to love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

John 13:34-35

Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.

1 John 4:7-8

Carry one another’s burdens; in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Galatians 6:2

For you were called to be free, brothers and sisters; only don’t use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, but serve one another through love.

Galatians 5:13

How to Have the Right Kind of Confidence

Have you ever felt confident about something, but then started doubting yourself? Here is how God can help us always be confident despite our imperfections.

I’m half Chinese, and so I’ve grown up using chopsticks at every meal. It’s become a skill I’m rather proud of, actually, and I’ve had the most hilarious time trying to teach some of my friends how to use them. Once when I was in youth group, we were playing a game that involved picking up tiny beads with chopsticks. I was excited since I’m not one known for being good at games, and I boldly declared, “I use chopsticks every day, so this won’t be too hard.” The other people on my team cheered me and commented on how glad they were that I was on their team. When it was my turn, something inside me seemed to turn off, and my chopsticks couldn’t seem to get the right grasp on that little bead. One rather annoying leader started laughing at me and denying my claims of having good chopstick skills, and at the time I was pretty embarrassed. I managed to get the bead the next time around, but a part of me felt completely defeated.

Photo by bongkarn thanyakij on Pexels.com

That’s a pretty insignificant example, and looking back I shouldn’t have taken it so hard. But I thought this story would help demonstrate my point about confidence today.

Whether or not you are a super confident person (normally I’m not, unless apparently I have a pair of chopsticks in hand), we all have times where we know we are good at something, but when we go up to demonstrate it, we fumble. We forget. We can’t seem to perform the way we know we can.

That’s why I have a little issue with the term self-confidence. When we have extreme faith in our abilities, we end up feeling so much worse about ourselves when we have an off-day. We are suddenly full of doubt, even though we are human, and therefore bound to make mistakes.

I want you to have faith and believe in yourself. But I don’t want you to have complete reliance on that.

The reason is that because we are imperfect, we will never get something right 100% of the time. We can’t fully trust ourselves because of that.

But there is someone that we can have complete reliance on, and that’s Jesus. Jesus is perfect and never makes a single mistake. When we have confidence in Him, we don’t have to worry about not proving ourselves to others. Jesus doesn’t require us to please others– He only wants us to please Him.

The best part of having confidence in Jesus is that He can help us do things that we’ve never done before. We often have the most confidence in ourselves when we’ve practiced an activity numerous times or rehearsed a speech so much that the words are on the tip of our tongue. When we trust Jesus fully with everything we do, we don’t have to doubt ourselves when we make a mistake, because by Jesus’ perfect grace, we are still loved anyway.

So today, think of something that you were previously afraid of doing, but feel like God is telling you to do. Then, after praying, go out and do it. You don’t have to wait to have peace after it’s over. You can have peace now because no matter what the results are, Jesus has equipped you for them, and His peace can overflow in your heart.

Now faith is the assurance of what we hope for and the certainty of what we do not see.

Hebrews 11:1

Surrender

Don’t let what appears to be a fight with a person sway you from your purpose of loving others.

We all have our weaknesses. Every character, whether an average person or a superhero, has their one flaw (at least one!). That’s one of the most accurate parts of media, I think, is revealing that we are all human whether we like to believe it or not.

The thing is, it’s super easy to pick out someone else’s flaws, but it’s rather difficult to find our own. We don’t like to admit that we’re selfish, inconsiderate, or quick tempered. We don’t want to think that while we’re hurt by others, we are also capable of causing the hurt.

Sometimes God uses people to test us, to see if we are really loving, patient, and kind.

We can show all the compassion and sweetness in the world to the people who don’t push our buttons as easily. We can talk all day about how we are going to spread Jesus’ love when we are surrounded by people we find easy to be kind to.

But when that person comes around who always just says the wrong thing? That thing that makes you want to escape yourself and silence them. Perhaps it’s a family member or a friend. Maybe this person isn’t even that close to you, yet you must see them on a regular basis.

We all have that person who just gets under our skin and tests us.

I recently have felt surrounded by people who have in the past and are currently just driving me crazy. But this time, I’m realizing that perhaps it’s because I’m letting them.

I’m letting my temper get away from me. I’m letting my feelings of bitterness overwhelm God’s voice in my life.

Today’s sermon from my church was about Jesus being kind and healing the daughter of a woman from a community that had, in the past, been against His own. Yet, Jesus was impressed by her faith and used her as an example to His own community for what true faith should look like.

God can use anyone for His glory, even the people that get on our nerves.

And chances are, He’s even using them to change you, too.

Perhaps God is convicting you of these hard feelings you have against them. Or maybe it’s your own personality flaw that needs to get worked on.

I know I have so many things I struggle with and sometimes these people are testing me to see if I will fall back on my old ways of living.

Don’t let the enemy win. That’s who you are really in a battle against, not your friend, or family member, or neighbor. No. It’s the enemy trying to get you to falter.

Don’t give him that satisfaction.

Instead, let these people help you grow into a patient, truly loving person, who God is so proud of.

I know you can do this. Let God’s voice speak into your life, whether it is something you may not have wanted to hear, like conviction, or something to encourage you.

Today is the first day of the future for you. No need to turn back. You can start fresh today.

Today you can finally surrender those feelings of resentment, that annoyance you feel towards that person, or persons.

I am praying that you can get through this. God is with you.

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?

Matthew 7:3-4

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

Romans 8:37

What Do You Actually Want?

God doesn’t see us the way everyone else does.

Two posts in one day? Apparently yes!

My friends know I love good analogies, so hopefully this one suits your fancy!

I was watching my dog, Rocky, who I’ve talked about a few times on here. He basically attacks us while we are eating by jumping all around, barking, and scratching up our legs, unless we give him what he wants.

We decided to get him a can of dog food that he hasn’t had in a while to hopefully trick his sense of smell into thinking he was getting the same food as us.

He wagged his tail eagerly, waiting in anticipation, knowing exactly what he wanted…or so we thought.

The garbage bin usually sits out in the kitchen during dinner and is unfortunately just the right height for him to stick his little black nose into. After we opened the can and scooped out the food, we threw the can into the bin. Instead of running over to get the food, he raced to the trash to check out that can.

He was so focused on the outer wrapper that he didn’t pay attention to what was good for him, what was actually what he needed and wanted.

I think we can get distracted by the “wrapper” in life, too.

We see the fixings of a life that appears to be perfect. We see a person that has stunning looks. We see a memory or something we are clinging onto with rose colored glasses.

God gives and He takes away. He doesn’t want us to be so caught up in the wrapper; He wants us to go after the deeper meaning in life, in relationships, and in His call on our lives.

Don’t settle, whether it’s for a person, a job, or what you think you want out of life if it’s anything other than what God’s calling you to.

God knows what He’s doing. He’s the only one who can see the future. He’s the one who planned it! And He planned it with you in mind, the one He loves so very much.

When you see a person, don’t think about their appearance, give them a chance regardless of how they look. Treat everyone with God’s gentleness, grace, and kindness.

When you see an opportunity, think about if it’s what God wants you to do. Pray about it. Don’t just go for something because you are afraid of missing out. But at the same time, if you think God is calling you to do it, then go for it! Take that leap of faith!

God’s got your back, you don’t have to stress anymore.

After all, just like how we are striving to look deep inside everything in our lives, God sees deep inside of us. He isn’t ever distracted by the wrapper. He loves every part of you, and He knows that desire, the longing in the core of your being.

And I hope that desire is to be just like the One who sacrificed it all because of His unfailing love for us.

You’re worth so much more than you think.

For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.

1 Sammuel 16:7

What to Do with Regrets

It’s okay to have regrets. Wait–what?? Read on to find out why.

I’m going to say something that people who know me are going to be shocked by.

It’s ok to have regrets.

You’re probably like, uh…then why do you talk about taking risks? Stepping out of your comfort zone? Emphasizing a life WITHOUT regrets?

Well, regrets are a part of life, and pretty much unavoidable. Of course I don’t like regrets. You shouldn’t just get comfortable with constantly having them. But they are not something that we should necessarily dwell on if we can’t do anything more about the situation.

That’s not to say that we shouldn’t learn from our past mistakes– of course we should reflect on them enough to not repeat them.

But everything that happens is part of God’s greater plan for our lives.

That job you turned down. That date that didn’t happen. That class you decided not to take. That conversation that wasn’t had. That missed opportunity.

Those didn’t happen because something better was in store for you.

Back when I started this blog, I was dealing a lot with my own past regrets. I even have a blog post in my drafts that is titled “How to Live a Life Without Regrets”. I wanted a second chance. I thought it was too late. But it wasn’t.

God gave me a second chance to do what I had longed to have done before.

It didn’t go the way I had imagined before. I wasn’t actually missing out on such a big opportunity after all.

Yet, I’m very grateful for that second chance. It gave me confidence, helped a relationship, and brought some truth to the surface. God loves giving us another try.

But whether or not you find out from experience that perhaps what you regretted was not as great as originally thought or you never know what it could’ve been, just remember that your past doesn’t define you. What your life looks like now is what it’s meant to be. You can work hard to prevent having regrets, like taking risks and going for new opportunities, but if you don’t have to beat yourself up over what’s been said and done already.

You are here for an incredible purpose and nothing you can do will change God’s plan for your life. God is here in the seasons of waiting. The seasons of lonliness. The seasons of questioning. Be willing to listen to His still, small voice. Even in the dark, when you’re alone with your thoughts. God is there, working in your life.

The plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations.

Pslam 33: 11