Tag: comparison

The Freedom to Unfollow

Is the presence of unfriendly faces hindering your chance to experience joy through internet connection?

You’re sitting there, phone in hand, Instagram open. Your finger hovers over the “unfollow” button. One simple click and you’ll stop receiving life updates, constant reminders of your bitterness, and the opportunity to relive an ugly part of your past. But an invisible force is holding you back.

This isn’t a big enough deal to actually click the button. I can live with seeing their posts every so often.

Or so you think.

But are your feelings of resentment and frustration leaving you empty and aching inside smaller than a simple number on a screen?

An action that seems so minimal may actually change your life…for the better.

Yet we’ve made the choice to “unfollow” a much bigger deal than it has to be.

There are likely a few reasons why you are hesitant to unfollow.

  1. You may be genuinely worried about the other person’s feelings. And I’ll admit, it doesn’t feel good to know that someone has chosen to remove themselves from your social media page. But just think about it, if you aren’t constantly reminded of your bitter feelings towards them, comparing yourself to their so-called perfect life, then you’ll be kinder to them in-person, when it really counts. Your impression of them may even improve.
  2. You don’t want to miss out. Here’s where FOMO often trickles its way in. We get so preoccupied with others’ lives that we forget we have our own lives to live. Plus, social media very rarely reveals anything that can’t be shared more meaningfully in-person.
  3. You don’t want to lose followers. Well…is sacrificing your own wellbeing worth a few extra likes? I don’t think so.

Unfollowing someone who has been hurtful or has caused you to feel envious can even bring you joy. You are suddenly free from the cycle of resentment and comparison.

About a year ago, I made the choice to unfollow several people who had hurt my feelings in the past. This action was long overdue, yet I feared I’d lose their “support” or miss out on a huge event in their lives.

But my hesitation was fueled by curiosity and fear of losing something I never even had. Once I finally unfollowed them, I instantly felt less resentful towards them and felt free to move forward with my life. They had taken up way too much headspace.

Today, I encourage you to unfollow the people who make you feel less-than or insignificant. Unfollow those who make you uncomfortable or anxious. Remake your page into something that brings you joy and motivates others. Remember, you don’t owe anyone your life’s story or your support. Your love and appreciation need to come from the heart.

And trust me, you are doing yourself and the other person a favor. You are given the power of forgiveness.

Repent and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

Acts 2:38

Walking Through the Fire Together

Do you feel like life is just getting more and more difficult? Here’s hope in the midst of whatever battle you’re facing right now.

A few years ago, a pastor at our church introduced us to a new way of referring to following Jesus. He called it “following the simple way of Jesus”. He reminded us of how we often over complicate Jesus’ lessons when really Jesus was very straightforward with what He meant. We don’t have to have everything figured out or the perfect faith story or anything like that. We can just be who we are, simple, and be followers of Christ.

As you may know, I love spending time with kids, and I am fortunate enough to be able to often due to my jobs. Kids are the prime example of following the simple way of Jesus because they don’t beat around the bush. They learn things and ask things in a way that is clear to them.

Today, I saw a kid get upset when she got a little scratch on her leg during a rowdy outdoor game. I went over to her and made sure she was alright, trying to be sympathetic because I cared about her feelings. But sometimes it’s difficult being sympathetic to children’s wounds when they aren’t as deep as what we may have experienced at an older age.

But if you think about it, a scratch to a five-year-old may be the equivalent to a sprained wrist to twenty-year-old. The trials and pains children go through may seem insignificant in comparison to what adults experience, yet it’s all really about perspective.

A friend reminded me last night of this important verse:

No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

1 Corinthians 10:13

God knows what we can handle at different points in our lives. He may give us things that seem harder now than when we were younger because He knows we are stronger now. You may feel frustrated when others are upset over issues that seem smaller than what you’re going through. Perhaps it seems like you are having one problem right after another. But God promises to never leave us or give us things that we cannot conquer with Him by our side. And He knows your limit is different than your neighbor’s. Comparison only destroys. It will not strengthen us for the battles we face.

My friend wisely said, “God uses the hard times to bring us closer to Him. He won’t ever give us anything we can’t handle. But the key is, we can only overcome those hard things with Him.”

The truth is, we can’t really do anything on our own. We need the support of others, and most of all God, in order to walk through the fire.

So today, realize how far you’ve come. So many things don’t bother you now that would’ve wrecked your world years ago. You don’t have to feel strong in order to be strong. God is the source of our strength and it isn’t reliant on feelings, it’s reliant on who He is and who He has created us to be. Above all, call out to God and listen for His answer. He will help you through whatever you’re going through. And don’t be afraid to reach out to people who love you. They want nothing more than to be by your side and support you too.

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

John 16:33

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 34:18

The Past Me: A Different Look at Comparison

Do you struggle to live up to your own standards? Do you feel like you don’t have the freedom to change?

So last post, we were talking about the dangers of comparing ourselves with others. When we fixate ourselves on other people’s accomplishments and thus feel insignificant and incapable, then we lose sight of our worth and our joy. You may have heard similar teaching in the past, but I hope it was an encouraging reminder.

Today, though, we will be talking about a different sort of comparison that I have struggled with a lot recently.

Have you been through a life-altering event?

When I asked that question, some of you may have immediately thought, “Yes”, and proceeded to think of the story related to your answer. Others of you may have thought, “Nothing that significant”. But let me tell you something, any event, even something that might be meaningless to another person, can be life-altering.

Your mindset affects much of your life, yes? They say 10% of how you feel is related to the actual event and the 90% is how you react to it. (Don’t quote me on that, but it’s pretty mind-blowing to think how much our attitude affects our life.)

Anything that has changed the way you view a person, situation, or life in general is a life-altering event. It has changed how you see the world.

Okay, back to the comparison thing. Stay with me here, and it will all make sense!

Last time I talked about how I was comparing myself to my riding partners and how that stole my joy and excitement about riding. Well, I eventually realized what it was doing to my self-esteem and enjoyment of one of my favorite hobbies. I slowly began to regain my appreciation for the sport and felt more fulfilled. But then, about a month ago, I fell off of a horse who I had previously trusted. I know that happens to every rider, and I’ve fallen off under worse circumstances before, but it still caused me to build up this fear towards riding again.

And as the past month has gone by, I’ve struggled with being disappointment in my regression in riding. I’ve taken on some poor habits that I had worked through and I’ve lost my excitement about riding again.

I’ve been so angry at myself. So frustrated. I keep comparing myself to how I used to ride and how I’ve changed since then.

And you might be thinking, Hannah, it’s not that big of a deal. You’re fine. Or, it makes sense that you are afraid. You shouldn’t be mad about that.

But haven’t you ever had a life-altering event change your perspective, and suddenly you can’t enter a situation, activity, or relationship the same way?

We all think that change is such a bad thing. But the issue is not the change in us. It’s how we try to enter these spaces as the same people we used to be.

I heard a message on the radio that really spoke to me. When we walk into a room, sometimes we get a weird vibe that makes us want to leave and re-enter. Sometimes, we have to re-enter the rooms of our relationships, situations, and activities. We need a fresh start now that we are not the same as we used to be. We should have different expectations for ourselves.

We need to stop comparing ourselves to a past version that no longer exists. We often get told to not judge others based on how they used to be. But now we need to extend that same grace to ourselves.

The reason these life-altering experiences happened may not be known to you yet. But they all have a purpose. God is shaping us into the people we are meant to be, and we have to trust that.

No matter how we change, we will always be loved by God. That never changes.

Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test!

2 Corinthians 13:5

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

Galatians 2:20

The Comparison Trap

Do you struggle with comparing yourself to others? Here is some encouragement.

My word of the year, which I may have shared earlier, is joy. A quote I saw this week, simple but important, was this: Comparison steals joy.

Comparison is a trap we all have or will step into at one point or another. I’ve had a difficult time with comparison, and I didn’t recognize my current struggle with it until seeing this quote and thinking about how it truly has taken away my joy.

I think there’s the common way of thinking of comparison– comparing ourselves with another person.

But we also can have difficulties with comparing ourselves to a past version of us and with a false standard others hold of us.

I’m going to be doing a short series on comparison, starting with comparing ourselves to other people, and I’ll touch on what I mean by the other ways of comparison in another post.

I am a horse rider. I think I have shared that on here, and it’s become a big part of my identity, especially now that I work at a barn. Last year, I rode with two newer riders and was the “most knowledgeable in the ring”. But in the fall, I started doubting my abilities when comparing myself to the two new people I started riding with. I lost my enjoyment of horse riding. I lost my sense of motivation. I just became frustrated with myself.

Now, there’s more to that story, but that ties into next post. For now, let’s stay here a moment.

When have you felt like you excelled at something, just to get that feeling taken away from you?

That feeling is pride. And sometimes when God knows we need a lesson in humility, He allows for that pride to get ripped out from underneath us.

Because, let’s face it, there’s always going to be someone better. A better rider, a better writer, a better teacher, a better ______.

The reason why comparison hurts us is because we lose confidence in ourselves.

But you see, confidence is a good thing while pride is not.

God wants us to be confident where He’s placed us. We need to have faith even when we feel like the least knowledgeable person.

And chances are, we aren’t quite as “bad” at whatever, whether it be a sport, hobby, job, or physical trait, as the negative voice in our heads make us believe.

We are just in a different stage. We are in a different season. And trust me, you won’t be the least experienced forever. Someday, you might even be the most experienced. So learn what you can and don’t waste the season you’re in right now.

I know it’s hard when we think other people are better than us. I know it’s hard when other people confirm the lies we repeat to ourselves, the lies that say oru worth is based on what we can do and not who we are.

But I’m going to combat those lies for you– for both of us– right now.

You are valuable no matter what you accomplish, whether it’s a little or a lot. You are making a difference in other people’s lives, whether or not you get appreciated. And you have a future, even when other people say you aren’t going to change. Because you are going to change. We all are. And that’s a good thing, because the more we change, the stronger we become.

You are strong enough to combat those feelings of insecurity. Those doubts. You are enough.

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.

Galatians 1:10

Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.

2 Corinthians 10:12

But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor.

Galatians 6:4

Stuck

This morning, I was changing my daily calendar next to my bed, and I noticed an old clock that has been sitting there ever since we moved into this house. When I was a kid, I thought it was antique by the way the numbers are still Roman numerals and the clock is protected by a glass covering.

But the thing I noticed today was that the time had stopped working. The little second hand was ticking repeatedly between 11:27 and 11:28. This got me thinking a little bit.

I’m the sort of person who relives mistakes, embarrassing moments, and even good ones over and over again. That keeps me stuck between my 11:27 “past” and my 11:28 “future”. That isn’t a place where I can grow or move on.

Moving on is really hard. It means we have to let go of not only past mistakes, but past dreams. It means we have to be willing to face new challenges instead of harping on the old ones. It means we have to have the courage to say “yes” to God.

But I think that if we ask God for that courage, He will give it to us in a heartbeat.

Be gentle with yourself as you try to move on. Don’t rush the process, because then you will only have a temporary solution, not permanent peace and contentment. But be willing to take a look at what you do have in the present instead of worrying about what you missed out on in the past. That way, you won’t make that mistake again.

No matter how long it takes you to move on, you are not a lesser person for having doubts, making mistakes, or having trouble with change. Everyone is different, and when we compare ourselves, we will only feel worse about ourselves.

I may have shared this quote before, but it’s important.

The fastest way to ruin something beautiful is to compare it with something else.

Remember that you are a beautiful creation, and nothing you do or think can change that. You may not have been made for a specific person, situation, or opportunity. That’s okay. You were made for something even greater that needs YOU. Not the person you think is better looking, more successful, or more talented. The world needs you.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

Romans 8:18