Tag: Christian

What to Do with Regrets

It’s okay to have regrets. Wait–what?? Read on to find out why.

I’m going to say something that people who know me are going to be shocked by.

It’s ok to have regrets.

You’re probably like, uh…then why do you talk about taking risks? Stepping out of your comfort zone? Emphasizing a life WITHOUT regrets?

Well, regrets are a part of life, and pretty much unavoidable. Of course I don’t like regrets. You shouldn’t just get comfortable with constantly having them. But they are not something that we should necessarily dwell on if we can’t do anything more about the situation.

That’s not to say that we shouldn’t learn from our past mistakes– of course we should reflect on them enough to not repeat them.

But everything that happens is part of God’s greater plan for our lives.

That job you turned down. That date that didn’t happen. That class you decided not to take. That conversation that wasn’t had. That missed opportunity.

Those didn’t happen because something better was in store for you.

Back when I started this blog, I was dealing a lot with my own past regrets. I even have a blog post in my drafts that is titled “How to Live a Life Without Regrets”. I wanted a second chance. I thought it was too late. But it wasn’t.

God gave me a second chance to do what I had longed to have done before.

It didn’t go the way I had imagined before. I wasn’t actually missing out on such a big opportunity after all.

Yet, I’m very grateful for that second chance. It gave me confidence, helped a relationship, and brought some truth to the surface. God loves giving us another try.

But whether or not you find out from experience that perhaps what you regretted was not as great as originally thought or you never know what it could’ve been, just remember that your past doesn’t define you. What your life looks like now is what it’s meant to be. You can work hard to prevent having regrets, like taking risks and going for new opportunities, but if you don’t have to beat yourself up over what’s been said and done already.

You are here for an incredible purpose and nothing you can do will change God’s plan for your life. God is here in the seasons of waiting. The seasons of lonliness. The seasons of questioning. Be willing to listen to His still, small voice. Even in the dark, when you’re alone with your thoughts. God is there, working in your life.

The plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of His heart through all generations.

Pslam 33: 11

Days Like Today

Today has been hard.

Recently I started a Bible study about spiritual warfare. The enemy knows our weaknesses so well. But when we are attacked more, we are tricked into believing that we are not being effective. That our presence does not matter. That we are weak.

The opposite is true. When we are attacked, the enemy sees us as a threat. We are doing good work.

But when we believe the lies, we are silenced.

One weakness of mine is the fear of driving. I had a bit of anxiety this morning because I needed to drive myself farther than I have in a while. I get after myself for being upset because it’s been a year since my car accident, and I don’t like fear holding me back.

I have incredibly vivid dreams, and sometimes they come true. This is more of a curse than a blessing a lot of the time, because I’ve had a lot of sleeping issues due to these incredibly realistic nightmares. Last night, to add to the anxiety already building, I had a terrible nightmare about getting into a car accident again.

I had these reoccurring nightmares for months, but they hadn’t resurfaced again until recently. I hate feeling weak. I hate feeling out of control. I hate feeling useless and set back.

I had the opportunity to go to an amazing event today. My church, along with several others, held a March for Surrender in honor of Juneteenth and to support our beloved Black brothers and sisters.

God surely wanted to use this event to draw people closer to Him. God wanted everyone there. God wanted me there.

But the enemy pulled out two weaknesses this time.

I’ve had some difficulties in my family lately, and that’s been weighing heavily on my heart. Today all those feelings seemed to explode while I was at the event.

In addition, I struggle with comparison and allowing others to define my worth. The entire point of the event was to support one another and affirm our value and differences. But I felt a lot of strong emotions that greatly hurt me in the past, like loneliness and worthlessness, and suddenly I was overwhelmed.

The speakers proclaimed the truth about how we need to take action. We cannot sit idly by and ignore the injustices in our world. We need to look beyond ourselves and stand up for those who have been forced down.

But the enemy was trying to get me to only focus on myself and my insecurities.

You may have had a day like today recently. You may feel misunderstood.

I have been told so many times by the enemy that I have no future. That I have no purpose. That I am meaningless. That my presence does not matter.

You may be feeling those things right now.

But I’m here to tell you that God has a wonderful future in store for you. God has an incredible purpose that only you can fulfill. You have meaning. You matter. You are needed.

Days like today come and go. Sometimes we just suffer through them silently. Other times we come to God or to other people.

 I could’ve let today be wasted. But I’m not going to let the enemy win. I’m going to use today to draw closer to God. I’m going to use today to empathize with others who are struggling to remember their value. I’m going to use today to empower myself and others to fight for justice. I’m not going to let today be focused on me. I’m not going to let today belittle the very real problems that others are facing that I need to be focused on helping resolve. I’m not going to waste today.

I know I’m not the most popular blogger, writer, photographer, person. Most people don’t even know my name. Hardly anyone knows my story. But if even one life is touched because of what I’ve put out there, then I will be fulfilled.

I pray for everyone who reads my words. Now I’m asking you to also pray for me. Prayer is the most powerful weapon. Pray against all the enemy is trying to do to attack God’s people. More than anything, we need to unify and defend our brothers and sisters in Christ.

We are strong.

Stuck

This morning, I was changing my daily calendar next to my bed, and I noticed an old clock that has been sitting there ever since we moved into this house. When I was a kid, I thought it was antique by the way the numbers are still Roman numerals and the clock is protected by a glass covering.

But the thing I noticed today was that the time had stopped working. The little second hand was ticking repeatedly between 11:27 and 11:28. This got me thinking a little bit.

I’m the sort of person who relives mistakes, embarrassing moments, and even good ones over and over again. That keeps me stuck between my 11:27 “past” and my 11:28 “future”. That isn’t a place where I can grow or move on.

Moving on is really hard. It means we have to let go of not only past mistakes, but past dreams. It means we have to be willing to face new challenges instead of harping on the old ones. It means we have to have the courage to say “yes” to God.

But I think that if we ask God for that courage, He will give it to us in a heartbeat.

Be gentle with yourself as you try to move on. Don’t rush the process, because then you will only have a temporary solution, not permanent peace and contentment. But be willing to take a look at what you do have in the present instead of worrying about what you missed out on in the past. That way, you won’t make that mistake again.

No matter how long it takes you to move on, you are not a lesser person for having doubts, making mistakes, or having trouble with change. Everyone is different, and when we compare ourselves, we will only feel worse about ourselves.

I may have shared this quote before, but it’s important.

The fastest way to ruin something beautiful is to compare it with something else.

Remember that you are a beautiful creation, and nothing you do or think can change that. You may not have been made for a specific person, situation, or opportunity. That’s okay. You were made for something even greater that needs YOU. Not the person you think is better looking, more successful, or more talented. The world needs you.

For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us.

Romans 8:18

Change

Normally I start out with a story, something I’ve learned that I hope encourages you, or a piece of advice. I’m not going to do that today.

I’m just going to be real with you. I’m exhausted.

I don’t know about you, but life has been pretty crazy, and it’s just super hard seeing all that’s going on in the world, not to mention our own personal battles or the ones those close to us are facing. For me, the hardest part is feeling guilty knowing that so many people out there are suffering much more than I am, yet even I am overwhelmed.

A lot has been going on in my life the past few months that has brought change. Some of my relationships have changed, there’s been loss, there’s been new adventures, and it’s just a pretty strange time to be living in the world right now.

I’ve seen a lot of posts and articles calling out the people who are resisting change right now. “Don’t get used to normal!” “Normal HURTS others!” “It’s time for growth!”

I agree with those statements, but I can also empathize with any of you who just feel confused about what to make of the new normal. We need to embrace these challenges to examine ourselves and see how we can be more accepting, more willing to do what’s right and just, and more concerned with others’ well-beings, especially the marginalized. But it’s okay to take a social media break and to just breathe.

I don’t have some super powerful solution to any of this. But I hope you know that you’re not the only one out there who is feeling tired, discouraged. I’ve seen a lot of encouraging things, such as protestors and police officers kneeling together in unity, counties opening up finally, people being there for each other.

All of this news intake needs to go through a filter, and that filter should determine whether or not you can do something about it. Yes, educate yourself. Yes, don’t support injustice. Yes, be there for people. Yes, serve in practical ways.

But don’t tear yourself apart and put the entire burden that our society needs to take as a whole onto your shoulders. God is your refuge. He is there when you need to pour out your heart about all your concerns. It worked for King David, and look, the Psalms came out of it! Those have been encouraging people for centuries.

You can use this time when you may be feeling at your lowest in order to inspire others later. You can use this time to be growing closer to God by supporting His way of treating others– as purposeful, equal, incredible human beings who are unconditionally loved. You can use this time to feel God’s presence as you journey through new seasons and experiences.

But just know that if there’s a little ache inside that misses comfort, stability, and hope, there will be a time for that, I promise. It’s not wrong to miss those things, but it is wrong to not make the most of the time we are living in.

I am praying for you, and I hope you know that you are never alone.

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

Psalm 46:1

The One or the Ninety-Nine

How often do you care about doing the “right” thing above all else?

I don’t know about you, but for most of my life, I’ve tried doing the “right” thing. And I have a lot of concern for the people who don’t seem to be doing the “right” thing. I spend a lot of time worrying about them and their relationship with God.

But over the last few days, I’ve been reminded of something so important. It’s often the people who stray away from God who have the best stories, who have that true commitment when they do believe. They are the ones who can later say without an ounce of doubt that Jesus forgives and Jesus saves.

Of course I’m not encouraging you to turn away from God in the hopes that He will call you back again and you’ll have an awesome story to share with people. I think it has to happen naturally, and God wants us to follow His commands and go after the lost sheep with Him.

But I think that remembering how God rejoices over the ones who had to be found in the painful thicket and how God is willing to fight for us can give us hope. We don’t have to feel shame when we have been forgiven. We don’t have to dwell on past mistakes because God uses those to draw us and others closer to Him. We can use our past or present sufferings in order to relate to others and make them realize that we aren’t some elitist group. And we don’t have to worry about the ones who have “gone astray”. We have to realize that it’s not our job telling them what to do or be. We just need to be there for them and pray for them and realize that we may have been one of them.

There are different points in our lives where we are either the “one” Jesus is hunting down or part of the righteous “ninety-nine”. It can be hard being in either category, because sometimes when we are the “one”, we are lost and desperate for something better. But once we are found, there is so much love and celebration!

When we are in the “ninety-nine”, we are growing and becoming the people we were made to be. But it can also feel like we’re stuck in a trap, sometimes it feels like Christianity is just a book of rules and not a real relationship. But if we are able to balance both the way we need to live and our fellowship with Jesus and other believers, we can celebrate no matter what part of the journey we are on.

So today, I hope you can have a little bit of the burden lifted off your shoulders, whether you are feeling as though you can’t get out of a lifestyle without God, or if you are worried about the lost sheep in your life. You can get through this. You can become the person you were made to be. But you need to trust that God has a plan for every one of His children, and it’s just up to you to follow Him and believe.

“And when he finds it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders and goes home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.'”

~Luke 15:5-6

Trusting God Through Everything

First of all, I’d like to apologize since I was really getting into the groove of posting regularly, just to abruptly stop even though right now is the perfect time to share encouragement (even though I believe every moment is a good time for encouragement), but especially through all of the changes going on in our lives right now with the Coronavirus. People are stressed, worried about catching the virus, losing their jobs, loved-ones getting it, and maybe even how to stay sane while feeling isolated from others.

Before I go on any further, please know that all of you out there are in my prayers. I know that many are going through much severer times than I am right now. I feel very fortunate that my grandparents in Hong Kong are okay, people are trying to do the right thing and stay home to protect others around me, and much of my family is staying employed. However, I know that is not the case for many people, and I am determined to do my part to encourage those who may have hit their rockiest time right now, and if there’s anything I can do for you specifically, let me know.

I recently saw a video from a singer that I follow, and her message was that you can say that you trust someone as much as you want, but you can never truly know if you do until it’s put to the test. You have to have that trust be put into action for it to go into effect.

For example, if your friend claims that you can tell her anything, you won’t really know if you believed that statement until you tell her something personal. Or when a little kid is stuck inside a burning building, he has to demonstrate his trust for his parents by being willing to jump out the window into their arms, knowing that they will catch him.

This virus and all the consequences surrounding it are a test to see if we really trust God.

I have noticed a startling pattern in my life. Often during my hardest times in my relationship with God, the thing that has brought me back has been when I truly had no other option but to trust God, and He’s always been able to pull through. Now, I’m saying this while knowing that a lot of my prayers have not been answered the way I wanted them to. I’m going through some situations with people that are frustrating and some of them have ended up poorly, even if I prayed about them. That doesn’t mean that God isn’t there for me.

I’m also not saying that it’s easy to trust God. It’s been really hard for me lately to trust Him, to be completely honest.

The other day, someone told me that I seemed to have great confidence in my faith. I wish that were true. I am confident that my faith has grown over the years, through difficult circumstances and through kindness poured out from others, or directly from God in the Bible. But you don’t have to be without doubts to trust God. You just have to be willing to not simply think “I trust God”, but to actually apply it in your life. You have to not only pray that God will help you, but stop worrying about it. If you are actively looking for God’s hand in your life, you will find it. That I am sure of.

For all those Disney fans out there, I have to say that one of my all-time favorite scenes is where Aladdin has his hand stretched out to Jasmine and he says, “Do you trust me?” I personally think that this is one of the most romantic scenes in all of the Disney movies I’ve seen because it shows a depth in their relationship and a true conflict that many face in their relationships.

Unlike Jasmine, who barely has any reasons to actually trust Aladdin, we have a multitude of reasons why we should trust God. Take a look at His promises in the Bible. Think about the narrow escapes you’ve made in your own life, or what God’s done in other people’s lives. We have reason to trust God through this difficult time, and others to come.

God is asking you always the same question– “Do you trust me?”

So the question is, are you willing to make the leap of faith to prove your answer?

“But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you.”

Psalm 5:11

True Joy = Releasing Control

Returning to Our Regularly Scheduled Program…

So…remember how I said I would be talking about joy as my first “series”? Remember how that was like…five months ago or something? Well, as you can see, I often go off topic and somehow wander back, ha-ha. Anyway, I have been thinking about joy again, so I wanted to pop into this series again, although I’m not sure if my next post will be related to joy, we’ll see.

Inherited Control-Freakness

I come from a long line of control freaks. I’m not being judgmental when I say this, they are self-proclaimed. I, myself, am also a bit of a control freak. I might not seem like it on the surface level, because I tend to go along with what other people want and I try to be flexible because I care deeply about pleasing others. However, I am actually quite stubborn, and I inwardly panic whenever things don’t go the way I plan.

I am more like this when I am placed in leadership positions or just when planning my own life, but my family often tries to control one another. A certain member of my family sets out what the other person must eat for lunch each day, and gets irritated if that person does not eat it. Money, food, how a room is decorated…those are just a few things that I often have to argue about with my family because I get frustrated with them trying to control me.

Am I saying that planning is a bad thing? NO!!!! I am definitely not, because you should be prepared and it’s silly to go into situations and build more stress for yourself if you don’t prepare. However, I am saying that at some point, the only way to have full faith in God and in His plan for your life is going along with “God’s flow”.

Going with the Flow

So I have this friend, and we occasionally talk about the future. Every time, he repeatedly states how he just “goes with the flow” and acts like he has no control over his life. Later on, I talked to another guy and he basically said the same thing. I feel like the world is often split into two groups: The Planners and the Floaters. Neither are wrong, yet neither are right.

Going with the flow may appear to relieve more stress and show more faith in God. But God will only work with you if you’re willing to actually, you know, do your part? Frankly, I feel like going with the flow in ALL areas of your life might actually add more stress because you often step into situations and are faced with a bunch of decisions that have to be made on the spot. I am horrible at that, so I could never float through life that way. However, there are definitely decisive people out there, so if that works for you, I’m glad.

The combination of going with the flow and always being prepared is going with God’s flow. I know that sounds a little silly, but that’s the only name I can think of that accurately depicts what I’m speaking of.

Going with God’s flow means that you are trusting God and not freaking out when things don’t go the way you anticipated. However, it also means that you are willing to work hard and still prepare for the future, not just expecting things to somehow work out.

How Does this Relate to Joy?

Have you ever stressed over something, an event perhaps, that you were in charge of. You were so panicked that by the end of it, you wanted to just go away and never be in charge again? While others enjoyed themselves, you spent the night stressing over everything and worrying that things weren’t going to work out. In that situation, you are missing out on having a good time, or experiencing joy.

In another situation, you may have planned every last detail down to the tablecloth design and then everything still ends up going poorly. Believe me, this has happened to me on numerous occasions and I can feel your pain! But because you were so disappointed and discouraged, you never took the time to learn from the experience. And in a way, this also causes you to lose joy because you may end up making the same mistakes in the future.

I don’t believe that joy and fear can coexist, as I stated in a previous post, and trying to control everything is a way of demonstrating fear. It’s basically telling God to His face that you don’t trust Him and you think you know more than Him.

Ouch, that wasn’t what I was thinking when I freaked out over not being able to decide the location for my last meeting, was I?

It’s easy to not realize what our little habits are doing to destroy our lives and our relationship with God. But the more ingrained these thought patterns become, thinking “oh, if only things had gone the way I had planned” or getting angry with people, the more we lose track of who we are supposed to be: joyful humans who are sharing the love of God. It’s easy to let negative thoughts fill our heads. We think that criticizing ourselves for something we can’t control is okay, and it’s not. That is ultimately shaping our actions and our opinions of ourselves.

So today, try to let loose a little bit and see what happens. Trust God and believe that even if things don’t go exactly the way you want, maybe something better was actually waiting for you. It hopefully will also help your relationships too.

“Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing?”

~Matthew 6:25