Tag: Christian advice

Saying the “Right” Thing

Have you been turned away from faith by a person’s words? Or worse, have you said the wrong thing and now regret it? Here’s some advice and encouragement!

I was saddened yesterday by a post a peer shared about the reason she despises all religions, specifically Christianity. She explained that her family “forced it” on her growing up and that a pastor’s weak condolence of “it’s all part of God’s plan” at her grandmother’s funeral was the final nail in the coffin in her rejection of God.

What makes me truly disheartened by this story is the truth that we, as believers, often say things like “it’s all part of God’s plan”. We usually say things like this when things are going well for us, and we want to cheer someone up. Or if we’ve had God reveal this to us through our own experiences. But we have to be careful not to make a few key mistakes when encouraging others in their faith.

  1. What expectations are you holding for unbelievers?

A mentor wisely told me, “We have to be careful to not hold unbelievers to the same expectations we hold believers. After all, they don’t necessary know or care about what the Bible says, so why should we expect them to obey God’s commands?”

This is so true. While we shouldn’t condone sin, we have to realize that until they build a relationship with God, they aren’t going to understand the significance of repentance and God’s forgiveness. Holding them accountable will come in time, but first we must help them realize why they should even desire a relationship with God.

2. Are our words appropriate for the situation?

The pastor’s words to my peer weren’t lies. God does have a plan for everything. However, saying that off-handedly during a funeral may not be the best time. When others experience a significant loss, we shouldn’t force them to move on too quickly. We need to show them God’s comfort and love. Jesus, while on Earth, cried when He saw others suffering. In fact, He holds everyone’s tears in His hands even now. Being present with someone during their time of grief is more meaningful than spewing Bible verses at them. If the Spirit leads you to say something, then say it. But God can work even through our silent moments.

3. Do you have authority over what you are talking about?

My mom once described an old friend as “a person who likes to hear herself talk”. In fact, when making conversation with others, asking them lots of questions is a good start because people enjoy talking about themselves. This can all be fine and good, but when it comes down to witnessing to others, this can often be a shortcoming.

A lot of times we want to share a random tidbit of information we read online, even when we don’t have all the facts. Or we want to answer others’ questions even when we have no authority over the subject. When you are telling someone about Jesus, don’t start creating your own theology or make up answers to their questions. Instead, share personal stories of how Jesus has changed your life.

The best thing to do to be prepared for opportunities to share your faith is reading the Bible. That way you will have authority over what you’re speaking about. Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to lead your discussions. God can give you wisdom right when you need it most.

Anyone who loves Jesus and desires to do His will can be a good witness for Him. Just make sure you’re sharing information that you know will actually benefit and encourage others.

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.

Romans 8:26

My peer’s grandma died of pancreatic cancer, which was the same disease that killed my church’s pastor. However, throughout my pastor’s journey, He grew closer to God and inspired others to keep holding onto faith.

While writing a condolence card for my pastor’s son, I considered sounding full of faith by saying, “God knows what’s best” and “Everything happens for a reason”. But instead, I wrote, “I honestly don’t know why this has happened to your family. But I do know that God has wonderful plans in store for your future.”

By admitting this, I didn’t deny God’s greater plan or the pain of his loss. But I didn’t pretend like I had all the answers, because I don’t. When we are vulnerable and honest, we are not lacking faith, we are becoming more relatable to those curious about God. Perhaps I could’ve said something different, something better. But I’m going to choose to believe that I said the best that I could because I prayed about each word I wrote. We often don’t say “the perfect thing”, but if we truly believe we did what God called us to, we don’t have to have regrets.

We may never fully understand God’s plan while on Earth. God wants us to fully grieve and appreciate those we have lost. There are two things that give me hope during seasons of grief:

  1. God is right beside us. He knows and understands everything we’re feeling. His love isn’t dependent on how we behave or our circumstances.
  2. Our sense of time is so different from God’s. A lifetime down here may be a blink of an eye up in Heaven. Though it’s hard to move forward after a loss, eventually we will be reunited again, this time for eternity.

Now that’s something to look forward to.

But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.

Acts 1:8

 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord. 

Jeremiah 29:11-14

The Power of Vulnerability

Do you view being vulnerable as a strength or weakness?

In 2003, a young boy and his family experienced a life-altering event that would impact many lives around the world. Colton, the child, had an emergency surgery that doctors were amazed he survived through. While in surgery, he temporarily died and was able to be in Heaven. During the time when the doctors weren’t sure if he’d make it, Colton’s father, a pastor, poured his heart out to Jesus to save His son. He wept and he screamed and he demanded that life be restored.

In an interview with Colton and his dad, they were asked why Colton wanted to come back to Earth after having such a wonderful experience with Jesus in Heaven. Colton responded, “I knew that I was leaving Heaven because Jesus came to me and said, ‘Colton, you need to go back’…He said he was answering my dad’s prayer.” That prayer happened to be the outburst made when all hope was lost. When choice words were used, when hurt was exposed, when life seemed bleakest.

I so often wonder what we lose when we don’t expose our full selves to God. Obviously He knows every part of us, but He honors it when we trust Him enough to bring those parts to Him by our own will. Yet it’s so tempting to believe that because Jesus is our Lord and Savior, the all-knowing, perfect One, we must only bring the best parts of us to Him.

Yesterday, I was privileged enough to hear the testimony of a new pastor at our church. Despite having only been with us for three months and not evening knowing us in-person yet, she shared many trials and tragedies from her spiritual journey. She was open, vulnerable, and relatable. That was the beauty of her story. Not the wonderful articulation of it or even finding the perfect Bible passage to close, though those were also true. No, it was when she created a space of both healing and grief, of brokenness and restoration.

How often do we miss out on the opportunity of being a better leader or friend or family member because we feel the need to put on an act. Vulnerability is associated with being weak, but being vulnerable is actually a great strength. It requires conquering the fear of judgement first. We often believe we must “have it all together” in order to be accepted, right? Maybe, maybe not.

What if we enter all our relationships with a sense of vulnerability? Not naivety, not blind trust, but rather relatability? The willingness to allow the broken part of our lives inspire and touch others?

Interestingly, the reason I joined this meeting was because of the title, “New Beginnings”. This phrase has popped up in my life time and again over the last six months or so, a sign from God, I believe. I’ve often associated this phrase with the idea of starting with a clean slate, leaving behind the past.

But yesterday I was presented with a new idea. New beginnings doesn’t mean moving past the hurt before we’re ready. It means allowing God to restore and redeem the past, pondering our experiences in a new way.

The best way to accept God’s transformation in our lives is giving the all of ourselves to Him. The broken, the shattered, the weary. The hopeful, the curious, the eager. Everything.

I’m going to close with Psalm 103, which was read during my meeting yesterday. The pastor shared how this psalm means so much to her as it was shared by a friend fighting cancer. It reminds us all of God’s never ending love for us.

1 Praise the LORD, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. 2 Praise the LORD, my soul, and forget not all his benefits— 3 who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, 4 who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, 5 who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. 6 The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed. 7 He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel: 8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. 9 He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; 10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. 11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; 12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. 13 As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; 14 for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. 15 The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field; 16 the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. 17 But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children— 18 with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts. 19 The LORD has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all. 20 Praise the LORD, you his angels, you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word. 21 Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts, you his servants who do his will. 22 Praise the LORD, all his works everywhere in his dominion. Praise the LORD, my soul.

Psalm 103

Source of introduction story: Historyvshollywood.com

In a New Light

Have you ever felt so burdened by the weight of this world that you forgot to look for the Light?

Do any of you have that one part of town that you think you know super well? You could almost drive blindfolded you know the streets so well. And sometimes that means you take unnecessary risks because you don’t have your guard up.

Well, I’d have to say that I’m pretty confident driving in neighborhoods. I’m not a confident driver in the least, but maybe it’s the 25 mph that does it for me. Anyway, I was driving home tonight and, being 8:14 pm, it was very dark. As I drove down a street that I’ve been on hundreds of times, I suddenly decided that tonight would be the night to find a new short cut.

So I turn onto this smaller road and come to a crossroads. A part of my brain says to turn back, no longer recognizing the area, but I decide to turn left and see where that takes me. I’m almost certain I’ll be on the main road again in no time!

But as I turn down that road, I feel very…lost. And wondering if my shortcut is really saving any time.

Then all of a sudden the light clicks on. Literally, I came to a bigger intersection and there were several lampposts. And I realize that I’m not lost, I’ve just driven the long way around on a bunch of roads I’ve seen a million times. I just didn’t recognize where I was in my journey while driving in the dark. If it had been light out, I would’ve known where I was going.

So many times in the Bible, Jesus is referred to the Light of the world. We are called to be the light among darkness too. But how can being “the light” help us?

First of all, since we know that Jesus is the ultimate Light, by following in Jesus’ footsteps, we will know what the next right decision should be in our lives. We will become like the One we serve and people will wonder what’s so special about us. And when we tell them, they can experience God’s love too.

Second, when we have Jesus, through the Bible and in other ways, lighting our path, we will have a better sense of where we are going. It can be so easy to get bogged down by the darkness in our world, whether through social media, a discouraging piece of news, or a heartbreaking diagnosis. But God always has a plan for us. We can’t listen to the messages that we aren’t good enough or that we have to be perfect in order to be worth anything. Because the truth is, when we see things the way God sees it, we have a better understanding of where we are in our journey.

For some of us, we may be reaching the end. For others, it’s just the beginning. But God will use you through everything that happens to you.

So today, take a step back from whatever you’re struggling with. Realize that this isn’t going to be forever. This is just one small part of a bigger picture. You are going to do great things no matter what. Keep holding onto your faith and hope by looking for the Light in the darkness.

This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all.

1 John 1:5

While he was still speaking, a bright cloud overshadowed them, and behold, a voice out of the cloud said, “This is My beloved Son, with whom I am well-pleased; listen to Him!”

Matthew 17:5