Tag: Anger

Understanding Anger Through a Biblical Lens

Anger has often been misunderstood in faith circles, but what if it can be used in a positive way?

Let’s face it: we all get angry sometimes. And unfortunately, the church hasn’t always been a source of clarity or wisdom when it comes to expressing our anger in a healthy way. The pendulum can swing from complete opposers to anger, claiming even the emotion itself is a sin, to others saying it’s completely justified to be angry and bitter all the time. There are many false beliefs about anger that I’ve grown up with and have had to unlearn as an adult. Let’s take a look at what the Bible actually says about anger.

We will get angry

We are human. Anger is a natural emotion we will experience. Jesus Himself experiences anger several times throughout the gospels, particularly when He witnessed injustice or a lack of love. This is why Paul addresses anger in Ephesians:

If you get angry, do not sin; do not allow the sun to go down on your anger and do not give an opportunity to the devil.

Ephesians 4:26-27

While we shouldn’t suppress our anger, we also need to be careful not to let it justify bitterness. It’s easy to harbor unkind thoughts towards a person who has wronged us. It’s tempting to seek revenge rather than working towards justice in a healthy way. It’s especially easy to let anger skew our vision to the point where we can no longer view another person or group of persons as truly human, made in God’s image.

And the moment we allow bitterness to prevent us from seeing others as God sees them, the devil has the opportunity to turn us away from love.

Anger and Forgiveness

The number one way our relationship with God suffers is when we are unable to experience His forgiveness. God forgives all our sins when we come to Him and repent, but Jesus has strong words about how we must transform from His mercy.

For if you forgive others their offenses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others their offenses, neither will your Father forgive your offenses.

Matthew 6:14-15

It’s not wrong to be upset, hurt, and even angry when other people wrong us. However, anger isn’t a stagnant state to live in. Anger is a step towards healing. As we process our anger, we need to open our hearts towards forgiving the person who hurt us.

We are not “earning” salvation this way. We are also not expected to instantly forgive someone without working through our hurt feelings. However, this stipulation is in place because as followers of Christ, we must become more like Him. Can any sin against us be greater than the sins God has forgiven of all people?

Ultimately, God knows that bitterness draws us away from others, from Him, and from love. Therefore, by commanding us to forgive, He is helping us live the best life possible.

*Side note: Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. It means not resenting our offenders and being released from the burden of bitterness. Forgiveness also doesn’t mean enabling others to continue to do harm. Giving honest feedback and seeking justice are important actions to take in painful situations and are supported in the Bible. Be sure to do everything out of a heart of love.

The reason why we’re angry matters

Anger actually rages rampant in the gospels, particularly in Jesus’ relationship with the religious leaders (ironic, isn’t it?). However, the source of Jesus’ anger in His relationship with them is different than their anger towards Him.

In one instance, the religious leaders are testing Jesus by asking if He will heal a man with a shriveled hand on the Sabbath, which they deem a sin. Jesus replies, “Is it lawful on the Sabbath to do good or to do evil, to save life or to destroy it?”. The leaders respond with silence. Then, Jesus “look[s] around at them in anger, grieved at the hardness of their hearts,” and restores life to the injured man (Mark 3:4-6).

It’s clear that Jesus’ anger comes from His love for all people. He’s angry that His own beloved children are choosing religious rituals over loving others. He’s frustrated that they still don’t understand. Perhaps He’s upset by the injustices the man with the shriveled hand has experienced. He’s not only angry, but He’s deeply grieved by this situation.

Meanwhile, in this same story (but recorded by a different author), after the man is healed, the religious leaders were “filled with senseless anger and began discussing with one another what they might do to Jesus” (Luke 6:11).

The word for “senseless” in Greek is “ἄνοια”. Additional meanings of this word are “want of understanding”, “folly”, “rashness”, and “madness”.

Their main reason for being angry at Jesus throughout the gospels is their fear of losing control and power. This selfish anger causes them to commit further sin, aiding in the murder of Jesus.

Pride, jealousy, insecurities, and fear often drive our anger. In those circumstances, it’s important to pause before acting and ask ourselves whether we are allowing our anger to cause us to become someone we weren’t created to be.

Anger is powerful

It saddens me that we don’t talk about anger more often in church. It’s not something to be taken lightly or ignored altogether. When we allow anger to control our lives, it often means it’s not from God. It can drive us to hurt others and ourselves.

But anger can also be powerful in a positive way. When we feel anger from God, such as anger about injustice, brokenness in our world, or pain someone is experiencing, we may be more driven to help others or to show empathy. Anger can cause us to care, perhaps in the same way Jesus cares for us, out of deep love.

The next time you feel angry, ask yourself what the seed of this anger is? If it stems from love, perhaps it’s time to act on it. If it stems from bitterness or selfish motives, ask God to help you work through this anger and see the situation in a godly way.

No matter where your anger comes from, bring it to God. He isn’t afraid of your feelings. I believe it even delights Him when we trust Him enough to be vulnerable with our deepest, scariest, and most powerful emotions.

The Root of Resentment

What if the root cause of anger is really pain?

I could feel myself drifting before I knew why.

We were good friends. The best of friends, even. And yet I was becoming more and more resentful of the “perfect life” I thought she was leading.

Slowly, minor things she’d say would sting deep into my heart. I was *this close* to ending our friendship, if there’s even a way to formally end a friendship. (They say breaking up with a friend is harder than a significant other, and I wholeheartedly agree)

But then a mentor in my life told me something that stopped me dead in my tracks:

“We often resent those who we are lacking something from.”

In that moment, I realized that I wasn’t really mad at my friend. I was hurt because I felt like she didn’t need me anymore. That her life was suddenly better than mine.

And I was wrong.

If you are in that place in a friendship, I encourage you to do one thing. It might seem small (yet difficult, given how you are feeling right now), but it could save your relationship.

Reach out and ask them how they are doing. How they are doing really.

No “I’m fine” or “I’m pretty good”. The full story is the only way to realize that perhaps you have misjudged a few things. Maybe they aren’t living it up while you’re left behind. Maybe they still want you after all and were waiting for you to reach out.

And taking this action will remind both of you why you are friends in the first place: Because you care about each other!

The root cause of anger is not rage or injustice. I believe it is pure pain.

When we are hurt by someone, we don’t want to feel weak or overpowered by them. We want to feel stronger, and anger makes us feel powerful.

You are powerful when you are angry. It isn’t wrong to be angry, but it’s important to not let your anger control you.

Evaluate the situations in which you feel particularly frustrated. Has someone made you feel less than your true worth? Or have you been used in an unfair way that has left you ashamed or desperate?

You aren’t weak for being hurt. You aren’t weak for wanting people to notice you or love you or make you feel like you belong. It’s only human nature.

The truth is, we are unfortunately often unaware of how we affect others. We don’t realize how people long for those fulfillments from us. And it’s not our job to fill everyone’s needs.

But that also means we can’t expect people to define us or make us feel our true worth.

The good news is that we don’t need people to do that, either. We have someone ready and waiting to love us to the fullest extent: God.

God’s love surpasses all pain, disappointment, and despair that has been overpowering your life. You are free from the chains of guilt or betrayal. God will never leave you nor forsake you. God loves you more than words can describe and He’s waiting for you to accept His perfect gift.

So why not take the time today to reach out to God and to that person in your life who you’ve been envious of? You’re bound for a surprise, hopefully one that makes you feel encouraged.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Words of Wisdom

Have you been hurt by someone’s words in an argument?

We all have that one phrase that gets under our skin. It’s usually a criticism, and something people don’t realize harms us. Often it’s meant to shine a light on a weakness of ours (or maybe a perceived weakness that we’re working on), but it wounds instead.

For me, it’s being called “selfish”. I’ll never forget the time in middle school when I was first outright called selfish. My mom and I were in an argument and she used that term against me. That stung deep because my whole life, growing up as an only child, everyone assumed I was self-centered. And I’ll admit, I’ve had moments of being selfish. However, it was something I was working on and worked so hard to not be. I felt like a burden and did everything I could to not make things about myself, even sacrificing my sanity sometimes. But there it was, that evil word. This particular irritation, this deep wound that comes when it’s implied that I’m not thinking of others, must stem from this feeling of needing to earn my worth, of not sacrificing enough. Often, these “trigger phrases” come from past pain and deep seeded lies from the enemy. Nonetheless, they cause us to spiral into self-doubt and cause us to forget who we are in Jesus.

I don’t blame my mom, or others who have used this adjective. My mom even denies having that argument because she can’t imagine saying that and she affirms me on a regular basis. However, whenever the word “selfish” comes up, it still stings.

Today, when I shared how I felt about a sensitive subject with a friend, she shot back, “You’re not the only one going through hard things.” That hurt. That hurt a lot. To me, that was an implication that I’m a selfish person. While she didn’t mean to wound me, it went far deeper than she realized.

But this post isn’t a debate of whether or not I’m a selfish person. It’s about what I’ve learned from being hurt by other people’s misguided remarks. I know I’ve hurt others with my words before, especially words coming from an angry place.

Words hold a lot of power. A lot more power than we realize. We won’t always realize how much they can change others’ lives, whether for good or bad. That’s why we have to be careful with our words, using them sparingly sometimes, or inserting them into heated conversations to bring peace other times.

The issue with words is that they are so easy to say or type or write. In a few seconds, there can be a whole angry paragraph on text sent out. Or in the blink of an eye, we’ve opened our mouths and spit out the very same hurt someone else has thrown at us. When we don’t think, we can’t exercise wisdom.

Now, I’ll be honest, it’s pretty much impossible to never hurt anyone’s feelings, especially with your words. But it’s important to always keep in the back of your mind that your words may have more impact than you realize. So make that impact positive. Make your words be what lifts people up.

For me, the phrase “You’re never alone” has stuck with me from a prayer a friend prayed over me during a retreat during one of my darkest times. Still when I hear it, I feel an instant sense of warmth and love. I feel God’s presence beside me. It has the opposite effect of “You’re not thinking of others”.

We all have weaknesses. I have more than I can count, and sometimes selfishness is one of them. Sometimes speaking before I think is one of them. When we see a brother or sister in Christ struggling with a sin that’s hurting others, we should find a way to help them work through it. But we shouldn’t make them think that they are any less of a person by struggling with something because we are no more perfect than they are.

It is by God’s grace that we are here, and when we extend that grace to others, we will begin to see the world in a whole new light. The light of God’s unfailing love. ❤

For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God.

Ephesians 2:8

This you know, my beloved brethren. But everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.

James 1:19

One Story’s Villain is Another Story’s Hero

Are there villains in your life’s story that are hard to forgive?

I absolutely love writing. Everyone who knows me even a little bit can probably guess that. Clearly you know it, since I’m a blogger!

Anyway, I have recently been fascinated by YouTube videos about character development. Only a fellow fiction writer can relate to that sentence haha.

Here is a piece of advice I received a while back: Every character has their own plot going on. Each character needs to have their own goals, desires, and beliefs. That’s the only way to make them believable. Because, let’s face it, we are the protagonists in our life story, but we are not in other people’s.

Going even deeper than that, I had this sudden realization:

The villain in your story is the protagonist in another story.

Read that again.

The villain in your story is the protagonist in another story.

Not in your made-up story. In your everyday life. The person who gets under your skin. The person who has hurt you in the past.

They don’t see themselves the way you see them, as arrogant, hurtful, or mean.

And it’s important to realize that other people don’t see themselves the way we see them. In psychology, there’s a phenomenon known as Biases in Attribution. Basically, when we make a mistake, we are more inclined to blame it on outside reasons, such as having a hard day, getting over a loss, or not feeling well. But when someone else makes a mistake, we blame it on internal things, and we are more likely to think they are inherently bad or insensitive because we don’t know what’s going on in their minds.

I’m not saying that there aren’t evil people in the world. The person who hurt you does need to apologize. You have a right to be upset. But if you never hear the words “I’m sorry”, you still need to forgive them. Because if you don’t, then you must believe that what they did is unforgivable.

And as believers in Christ, we need to completely realize that nothing is truly unforgivable. The second we repent, Jesus forgives us. He died for us because of His never-ending love and grace. His heart breaks for us. We hurt Him the most, the One who did nothing wrong.

So if He can forgive us, certainly we can forgive the “villains” in our lives too, huh? That doesn’t mean we need to allow them to manipulate or hurt us again. But it does mean we need to let go of our bitter feelings and extend God’s grace towards them.

After all, if you are unintentionally being the villain in someone else’s story, wouldn’t you want them to forgive you too?

And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

Mark 11:25

The Thing That Hurts Us

Are you really angry at someone right now? Did someone hurt you deeply? Here is some advice and encouragement as to how to heal your heart.

I was recently doing a Bible study with some friends, and the message for that week was about how important our thoughts are to our well-being. Not only that, but to our relationship with God.

If you’ve ever struggled with loneliness, anxiety, depression, or stress, I’m sure you can agree that those intrusive thoughts that bombard our minds seem to take over our lives.

But I think something that people don’t often associate with our mental health is anger. Anger can easily take over our lives and destroy our relationships. Not only that, but it can destroy our mental well-being too.

I think it’s interesting, in a sad way, that our society seems to glorify being angry.

“Oh, you’re angry at that side? Excellent, that means that you are the best supporter for us.”

“You’re mad that this person won? Go fight for your beliefs!”

People often support their anger with the story of how Jesus turned tables over in the temple. “If Jesus was angry, then we can be angry too!”

Being angry is natural. But it doesn’t mean we should stay angry, and it does mean that we need to pay attention to what we are doing with our anger. When Jesus expressed His anger over the injustices going on in His city, He did not hurt people with His anger. I think that’s a good question to check ourselves with. When we are doing ____ because we are angry, does that hurt anyone?

The next thing to think about is, where is the root cause of this anger? Is it hurt? Frustration? Something unrelated to the thing you’re fueling your angry energy towards?

Jesus spoke against the rulers that were harming people’s relationship with God. Jesus was frustrated by the unfairness and lies being spread. He was standing up for truth.

I’m going to admit something to you right now. Over the last couple of weeks, I have been very angry at a couple people in my life. I didn’t want to feel hurt, so instead I fueled my energy towards thinking negative thoughts about them. I wanted to feel powerful, powerful enough to be in charge of my feelings.

But then I came across this verse, and it frightened me.

“In your anger, do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”

Ephesians 4:26-27

Whoa. Okay, just take a moment with me here to think about this. When we are angry, we allow the devil to work through us. That is certainly frightening, isn’t it? That means that instead of allowing the Holy Spirit to be the One guiding us, we are allowing our enemy to take over. That’s such an incredible loss. That means we gave over to our real permanent enemy, not just the temporary one we’ve found in a friend, relative, or random internet stranger.

Then, as I kept reading, I was struck by this additional verse.

“And do not grieve the Holy Spirt of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.”

Ephesians 4:30

When we are angry, we hurt God.

I know a lot of times we think we are just hurting the other person when we think angry thoughts about them or when we seek revenge. But the thing is, we are hurting everyone involved– ourselves, the other person, and God. God is involved in our daily lives, which means He knows when we are upset. He understands when we are hurt, but instead of letting our pride get in the way, we need to come to Him and express the deep pain we are feeling.

Because, let’s face it. We are angry because we allowed ourselves to become vulnerable enough to trust someone, and they blew it. They might’ve betrayed your trust in numerous ways. It could be taking the opposite side on an issue you’re passionate about. Maybe they told someone something personal about you that ruined your reputation. Perhaps they didn’t show up in your life the way you thought they would–maybe even in a way they previously promised they would.

Friend, it’s totally normal and okay to be upset when someone does terrible things to us. Or even not-so-terrible things that still hurt us.

But we can’t stay stuck in those feelings. We have to forgive them.

Because if we don’t forgive them, we are losing our battle against the evil in this world. We are allowing our lives to be run by our anger instead of our love.

So today, if there’s someone you need to forgive, even if it’s just in your heart, please do it. It will change your life.

When I took that step to forgive those people, my life didn’t change over night. But I did feel an overwhelming sense of peace and a burden lifted off my shoulders. And the next time I am hurt by someone, I will have to remind myself that no matter how hard it is, I shouldn’t make the hurt worse by allowing resentment to take over.

Instead, let us both place those feelings in God’s hands and move on with our lives.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

James 1:19-20