Advice – Page 31 – The Will to Wake Up

Who Defines You?

Do you often feel used or deemed worthless by others? Do you feel burned out by trying to live up to others’ expectations?

I don’t know about you, but I can often exhibit people-pleasing tendencies. If you aren’t sure if you are a people-pleaser, consider this list of statements and see if any resonate with you:

I feel worn out because of other people’s demands, yet I can’t say no
I often feel used by others
I get my fulfillment through making others happy
I often just go with what others want, even when I have a different opinion
I hide my own feelings if they differ from others
I get hurt by criticism really easily, even if it’s constructive
I try to figure out what other people think of me, because that affects my self-esteem
I allow others to decide how worthy I am

If a few of those (or all) really clicked with you, then you have probably had issues setting boundaries and you’ve been really hurt by others for either not appreciating you or for things they have said that you’ve let get to you.

Here’s the thing, yes part of it might be on them for not being diplomatic or for not realizing how you feel. But you need to be honest with yourself and realize that if you’re allowing others to determine how much you are worth, then you are going to be in an endless cycle of feeling less-than. You will never measure up to everyone’s standards of excellence.

I’m in a writing class (there’s a pro-tip coming ahead if you’re also a writer) and we comment on other people’s short stories. As a people pleaser, I often get upset when people don’t like what I’ve written, or even when they’ve found a tiny flaw that doesn’t satisfy them. I’ve allowed their ideas, these random-people-who-I’ve-never-met’s ideas, affect how I view myself as a writer. I am so easily discouraged that I dread reading their comments, even when many of them have both positive and critical things to say.

But here’s the thing: they don’t know me. They don’t know my story. They have their own struggles that they are dealing with. And they have different perspectives. So I should listen to what they are saying, but take it with a grain of salt.

As I read the most recent comments, I noticed a similarity between them and ones from previous work. None of them agree with each other. One person likes the opening monologue while another thinks it’s boring. One person feels like a character is their best friend while another can’t relate to them.

My bottom line is this: Whether you are a writer or not, you can’t please everyone. There’s just no physical way.

And the truth is, no person can fully understand you or your whole story. Only God knows you deeply and loves you.

Imagine you see this gorgeous painting that you want to further understand. You wouldn’t let some fifth-grader who just got dragged into an art museum explain the artist’s intent behind their work, would you? Not if you wanted the truthful, deep, thought-provoking answer dripping with love and affection for their masterpiece.

That’s why you shouldn’t let the people you meet online, your coworkers, or even people close to you define you. No one can express how much you are truly worth like your Creator can. He’s the only one who knows your full purpose, how intricately designed you are, and how long it took Him to breathe you into being.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Never let yourself believe otherwise.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.
Psalm 139:14

Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tried you in the furnace of affliction. For my own sake, for my own sake, I do it, for how should my name be profaned? My glory I will not give to another.
Isaiah 48:10-11

Then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature.
Genesis 2:7

In a New Light

Have you ever felt so burdened by the weight of this world that you forgot to look for the Light?

Do any of you have that one part of town that you think you know super well? You could almost drive blindfolded you know the streets so well. And sometimes that means you take unnecessary risks because you don’t have your guard up.

Well, I’d have to say that I’m pretty confident driving in neighborhoods. I’m not a confident driver in the least, but maybe it’s the 25 mph that does it for me. Anyway, I was driving home tonight and, being 8:14 pm, it was very dark. As I drove down a street that I’ve been on hundreds of times, I suddenly decided that tonight would be the night to find a new short cut.

So I turn onto this smaller road and come to a crossroads. A part of my brain says to turn back, no longer recognizing the area, but I decide to turn left and see where that takes me. I’m almost certain I’ll be on the main road again in no time!

But as I turn down that road, I feel very…lost. And wondering if my shortcut is really saving any time.

Then all of a sudden the light clicks on. Literally, I came to a bigger intersection and there were several lampposts. And I realize that I’m not lost, I’ve just driven the long way around on a bunch of roads I’ve seen a million times. I just didn’t recognize where I was in my journey while driving in the dark. If it had been light out, I would’ve known where I was going.

So many times in the Bible, Jesus is referred to the Light of the world. We are called to be the light among darkness too. But how can being “the light” help us?

First of all, since we know that Jesus is the ultimate Light, by following in Jesus’ footsteps, we will know what the next right decision should be in our lives. We will become like the One we serve and people will wonder what’s so special about us. And when we tell them, they can experience God’s love too.

Second, when we have Jesus, through the Bible and in other ways, lighting our path, we will have a better sense of where we are going. It can be so easy to get bogged down by the darkness in our world, whether through social media, a discouraging piece of news, or a heartbreaking diagnosis. But God always has a plan for us. We can’t listen to the messages that we aren’t good enough or that we have to be perfect in order to be worth anything. Because the truth is, when we see things the way God sees it, we have a better understanding of where we are in our journey.

For some of us, we may be reaching the end. For others, it’s just the beginning. But God will use you through everything that happens to you.

So today, take a step back from whatever you’re struggling with. Realize that this isn’t going to be forever. This is just one small part of a bigger picture. You are going to do great things no matter what. Keep holding onto your faith and hope by looking for the Light in the darkness.

This is the message we have heard from Him and announce to you, that God is Light, and in Him there is no darkness at all.
1 John 1:5

While he was still speaking, a bright cloud overshadowed them, and behold, a voice out of the cloud said, “This is My beloved Son, with whom I am well-pleased; listen to Him!”
Matthew 17:5

Inner Beauty is Most Valuable

Do you struggle with feeling good about your appearance? Here’s some encouragement.

I’ve seen a lot of posts recently about people sharing vulnerably their stories that deal with lack of self-esteem related to their bodies. I think many of us, some more severely than others, have struggled to see ourselves as worthy, especially in relation to our appearance. With all our culture’s standards, it can be difficult to remember how valuable we are. There are so many verses about not focusing on the outward appearance, such as (and not limited to):

The Lord does not look at the things man looks at. A man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.
1 Samuel 16:7

Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror.
James 1:23

Yes, just as you can identify a tree by its fruit, so you can identify people by their actions.
Matthew 7:20

These verses can serve as both a comfort and a warning. You might ask, “But Hannah, I don’t particularly like my appearance. I’m not going into the modeling business or some career that mostly focuses on outward beauty. I’m not like that person over there who clearly works hard at their appearance.”

First of all, we have no idea how much a person cares about what they look like. They might be just as insecure as one of us and we shouldn’t judge based on how beautiful we perceive them to be.

And second, we can be just as guilty of focusing too much on our outward appearance when we criticize ourselves as someone who thinks they are overly gorgeous and makes sure everyone knows it. (And that person, by the way, is probably doing that to seek validation, so they probably aren’t even as secure as you may think)

It’s so important to take care of ourselves and to love who we are because God made us that way. But it’s also important to just not focus too much on what we look like. When we place working or stressing over our appearance above who we are as a person and what we’re doing for God’s kingdom, then we miss out on what God has planned for us. We lose sight of what’s truly important in our lives.

And in the end, our bodies will fade away. All that’s left will be our souls. So why don’t we take the time to work on what will last forever instead of the temporary, especially if our bodies cause us grief?

Instead of asking yourself, what food should I eat to make my body attractive or why don’t I look as beautiful as that person over there, ask yourself these questions:

Am I living in a way that honors God?
Do the people around me feel loved?
Am I doing things that I feel passionate about?
Am I taking time to rest?
What am I doing to serve others?

That’s not to say don’t take care of yourself. It just means that once you start focusing on living out God’s will, then your body will not be the center of your life anymore. People will start noticing you for your amazing character traits instead of your looks.

But these verses are also meant to be a comfort. God sees us in a way no one else can. We (and others) see ourselves through a broken mirror, broken by sin, broken by society’s expectations, broken by lies. We are broken until we allow God to heal us, to make us who we are meant to be.

You are loved and worthy and beautiful no matter what you look like. Never forget that.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:13

Choose the Path of Humiliation

How has pride gotten in the way of your relationship with God?

I mentioned last week that sometimes God speaks to us in a loud, booming voice, right? One you simply can’t ignore?

I had also mentioned that I have heard God speak in that way, and I thought I’d share what I believe He was showing me.

Recently, I was very stressed, feeling like I had been in a few situations that were very embarrassing. But after talking about those situations with a close family member, she suggested that perhaps God was trying to teach me about humility. I often struggle with correction, and being humble is important in order to better our relationships with others and with God. Keeping that in the back of my mind, I kept living out my life, and then this weekend our last sermon from a beloved pastor was about humility, how Jesus calls us to become humble servants like Him.

After all, He is the greatest, and even He served others. One line that the pastor said that really stood out to me was this: We need to choose the path of humiliation.

That’s what we need to choose, not just what we “allow” to happen to us. Jesus chose that path, after all. He was mocked, despised, and ultimately killed. But still, He remains holy and the One we need to worship. The One who loves us despite all that we have done to Him and continue to do through sinning.

Then, after that sermon, I led my weekly Bible study, and we were discussing gratitude and righteousness. One very wise member noted that the thing that she thinks separates her from God the most is her ego, her pride. And as she shared a bit of what she’s been struggling with lately, I realized that God was just repeating the message in bold, flashing lights, “You must become humble in order to be a true disciple of Jesus. In order to reach your full potential”.

In our society today, we emphasize being proud of who we are. We flaunt our successes and look down on others who haven’t done all we’ve done. We like feeling “good” about ourselves.

The issue with pride is that when we feel like we can do everything on our own, then we ignore the ultimate sacrifice of Jesus. We think we don’t need God or anyone else, and that causes others to feel worse about themselves.

And here’s the thing, we can recognize our ultimate worth, the love God has given us, and how valuable we are without being prideful.

God wants us to have self-love. After all, He showed us how valuable we are when Jesus died on the cross for our sins.

But ultimately we have to realize that the reason why we have value isn’t because of anything we did. It’s because of what Jesus did for us. It’s because of God deciding that the world needed us. It’s because we are made in God’s image.

So don’t let people tell you that you aren’t worth anything, because you are. You are loved enough to have the most powerful being in the entire universe die for you.

But that also means that when you are faced with the choice of serving or being served, you need to go the route that Jesus took. Be willing to help someone out, even when it’s not fun, rewarding, or even pleasant. It means that when you get embarrassed or feel like someone’s more accomplished than you, you just have to let those feelings go. You have to realize that even if they are more accomplished in one area of life than you, you are still just as valuable as them and you don’t have to be jealous, because God’s got His own unique plan for you that is completely different than theirs.

When pride comes, then comes disgrace,
but with humility comes wisdom.
Proverbs 11:2

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.
Ephesians 4:2

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.
James 4:10

“How Are You Doing?”

When was the last time you asked someone, “How are you doing?”

I’m going to admit, one of my guilty pleasures is rom-coms. I don’t know why since I wouldn’t consider myself the “most romantic person in the world”. But if there’s a really good rom-com out there, I will likely watch it and enjoy it.

The most recent one I’ve watched is the third movie about Lara Jean in the To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before series. She and her boyfriend, Peter, have gone through many ups and downs since they initially got together at the end of the first movie. They’ve matured and have grown significantly closer. In fact, they even plan on going to college together and staying together forever. (Might be sad if they weren’t planning on the latter, now that I think about it).

Anyway, the “big event” of this movie is (spoiler alert!) Lara Jean not getting into the college that they were planning to attend together. The issue is, because they were both planning on going for so long, Lara Jean doesn’t have the heart to tell Peter. So he buys her a Stanford tree hat, decorates his car, and takes her out on a special date to celebrate her acceptance (since he is unaware of her rejection). So you’d think that by the time she does tell him, he’d be pretty upset, right? Probably annoyed, angry, maybe even ready to break up?

But his answer stunned me. And moved me greatly. I don’t often cry during movies, and I thought I would at the end of this one since it’s the last in the series, but the moment I almost cried was at Peter’s response to Lara Jean’s heart-wrenching confession that she didn’t make it into Stanford.

He looks at her with such care and concern as she starts rambling on and on about how she can fix the situation. He stops her and says in a soft, empathetic voice, “How are you doing?”

I’m sure he knows at this moment that his dreams are crushed as much as hers. He had his hopes set on her going to Stanford too. But he doesn’t let that affect the way he reacts. Instead, he puts his care and love for her over his disappointment.

Wow. Okay, let’s regroup for a minute here. (Also go watch the movie after if I haven’t spoiled too much of it for you).

So you might be thinking, “Aw, what a great boyfriend! Next?”

No. We need to really think about this lesson embedded in this scene. Like, how many times have you been dreading telling someone something you knew would disappoint them and you were greeted with a harsh, or even just discouraged, response?

Probably many times.

But how many times have you been given love and admiration for the courage it took you to share that news? How many times were you asked, before any opinions were shared, how you were doing?

And let me flip that question around a bit. When was the last time you responded to disappointing news with care and concern instead of worry or anger?

I think the reason this scene meant so much to me is because I really wanted someone to just ask me how I was doing. I also felt guilty that I haven’t always reacted with such maturity and love to others when faced in similar situations. I’m more inclined to share my opinions on the news rather than hear their side of the story.

Now, I know there are many instances where they say not to ask that question, like right after someone died or something like that. Often that just overwhelms a person.

But I think you’ll know deep down in your heart when it’s the right time to ask if you really stop and let yourself step into the other person’s shoes.

Is there someone who needs to be asked how they’re doing? Like, how they’re really doing?

I know it can be awkward, but sometimes you just have to be the first person to make a move. You have to be the one to start that act of kindness. And if you think about it, that’s only four words. Four simple words to completely change a conversation, even a relationship, around.

So the next time you are tempted to get annoyed at someone’s bad news, think about the situation from their perspective and respond with empathy. Or, if you feel like there’s someone being overlooked or overworked, reach out and see if you can be there for them.

You never know how you might be able to change a life today.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.
Ephesians 4:32

God’s Voices

What are some ways you’ve heard God? Maybe you feel like you never have. Here’s some advice related to that!

There are two descriptions (to my knowledge…) of God’s voice in the Bible. I don’t mean description in the sense that someone recorded hearing God (there are way more than two examples of that!!), but two main descriptions of what His voice sounds like.

The first is powerful. After all, God’s voice is what spoke everything into being! And when He’s announcing His Son to the world at Jesus’ baptism, I picture a booming, authoritative voice.

The second one is a still, small voice, like a whisper in the wind. That description comes from 1 Kings, when God is speaking to Elijah. I picture a rusting of leaves, a small gust of wind causing water to ripple.

I’m going to be perfectly honest with you right now. I believe that I’ve heard God speak to me directly with both of those voices. Now, not *exactly* audibly, but in a way that I knew was God.

But let me make this clear: it’s totally okay if you haven’t heard God in the ways I’ve described. It all happens when it needs to happen, you know? God will speak to us in His own different ways.

Where I live, we don’t often get snow, or if we do, it’s only a few inches that melt within a day or two. We rarely get an actual snow storm. But this weekend, a snow storm hit us on Friday night. I was awake long after many went to sleep, just looking out the window and listening to the roaring winds tear across the street. It was as though the wind had had enough and was changing everything around, exhibiting all it could do.

That sound and image will forever be what I think of when picturing God’s “powerful voice”.

That next morning, I went outside before most people were awake and watched the snow fall all around me. There was a gentle breeze that played with my hair as it blew by. Everything felt peaceful, serene. That’s what I think of when I picture God’s still, small voice.

I hope you can think of your own personalized image/sound of what God’s voice means to you. That will help you identify it when God’s speaking to you.

There are always seasons where it feels like God’s message is being loudly proclaimed from the rooftops at every twist and turn we take. Other times, it will feel like we are all alone in our struggles, with no direction.

But the truth is, God is speaking through every moment in our lives. God never leaves us. It’s just that His voice sounds different for each of us.

I’m going to make a Frozen 2 reference here, so hopefully you’ve seen this movie! Towards the beginning of the movie, Elsa hears this voice during the night. As she ventures out of her comfort zone, she starts feeling led towards it and the voice becomes stronger.

When explaining it to her sister, Anna, who can’t exactly figure out why her sister would want to ruin their newly restored life, Elsa has a priceless answer. (At least to me)

She explains that she hears a voice calling her. She can feel that the voice is good and it’s trying to guide her.

Okay, that may not sound profound at first, but hear me out.

Elsa is the only one who can hear that voice. That doesn’t mean that she’s more special than Anna or any of the other characters (despite what little kids might tell you). That just means that that’s the way the “voices” knew they could reach her. Anna still has her own journey, but she is guided by others who are better suited to her personality. Anna goes to the trolls or Kristoff, basically any person she is somewhat close to, for help.

The thing that’s similar between the two of them is that the way they were reached out to was a way that they knew they could trust. Anna trusts people; Elsa trusts…pretty much no one but the voices, so I guess it’s a good thing they spoke out :).

Now you’re probably wondering what magical voices have to do with God, but here’s where we can apply this to our own lives. You see, God is much greater than those fantasy voices. God is in control of our lives and He wants us to pay attention to all that He’s doing. He reaches out to us in ways that will be meaningful to us personally.

So when you’re trying to hear God, here are a few tips:

Don’t miss the obvious. God might be screaming something to you and you just won’t admit that that’s God because A) it seems too obvious or B) maybe it’s something you don’t want to hear. But don’t miss these opportunities to listen to God and perhaps make some changes in you life.
Realize that God’s way of talking to you will be different than the way He speaks to others. God has spoken to me through dreams, which I know He’s done for some people, but not many I’m close to. He’s also spoken to me through specific Bible verses, which is a more common way (in my opinion) of hearing from God.
The best way to hear from God is to spend more time with Him. You’re never going to know what God thinks until you take that intentional time out of your day to be with Him. Pray, read the Bible, reflect on all God’s done for you. Then you’ll start hearing Him.

I know it can be stressful when we feel like God is silent. But I promise you, He’s not. He’s always there. To finish up my Frozen 2 references (don’t worry, I doubt it will expand past this post), I want to use Anna as an example.

At the beginning, Anna tells Elsa that she will always have her. Then she proves it by trying to fight a fire (without powers I might add) and chases off giants in an attempt to find her sister.

God has proven His faithfulness time and time again. We often neglect to think about that during the times when we feel distant from God. But I’d encourage you to reread His promises and think about all the ways He’s truly been there for you in the past. God never changes. He loves you and will fight for you.

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.
Deuteronomy 31:6

Outside vs. Inside

What do you focus on more, your physical or spiritual health?

I got inspiration for today’s Encouragement Thursday while I was brushing my teeth this morning. But don’t let that scare you away! I’m not going to be giving a lecture on flossing or explain the dangers of not brushing thoroughly.

I was actually thinking about how when we go to the dentist, they often have to scrap the backs of our teeth really thoroughly, but the part that the world sees is usually barely touched. We often overlook the part that other people don’t see and focus on making the outside shine.

But of course the day before we visit the dentist, we floss, scrub, and inspect every inch of our teeth, even the back. We want to impress the dentist, or at least avoid a lecture, right?

Okay, back to the regularly scheduled program with inspirational messages instead of expository ones 🙂

A lot of times we hear the reminder that we shouldn’t focus on the outward appearance as much as our personality and passions. And that’s a really good message. Right now, though, you might be thinking, “Hannah, I’ve heard that one before”. But that’s not the one I’m going to be focusing on today.

I have a question for you: How long is your morning routine? Nightly? That includes picking out your outfit, doing your hair, showering…brushing your teeth. All that jazz.

If you really think about it, it’s got to be at least an hour, right? Maybe longer?

So how long do you spend with God every day? That’s not just reading the Bible verse of the day or saying a quick prayer before eating. That’s going into the Word and finding out what God wants you to know. That’s praying from the heart for others you care about. That’s telling God how you feel at the beginning and end of each day.

I’ve got to admit, often I spend more time getting ready than being with God. If you were to cut one thing from your schedule and it was a choice between showering and reading the Bible, which would be your choice? Or how about brushing your teeth or doing your hair before leaving the house?

You might say, “It’s not realistic to expect me to not do my hair just to pray!”

But listen to me. If you really believe that your relationship with God is the most important thing in your life, then you’re going to need that daily connection just as much, actually more, than a shower. You’re going to not be able to live fully, to feel ready for the day, until you spend time with God.

And maybe you are just super rushed in the morning because of your job or kids, or you’re just not a morning person. So maybe all you have time for is a prayer, and that’s okay. Spend time with God at night.

God just wants your time, whether that’s in the morning, at night, or sometime in between. Just make that time for Him. Invest in Him. And you will start seeing your life change for the better. Maybe things don’t physically change, but your mindset will start to change, and you’ll begin to realize that God’s been talking to you all along.

for God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

For God sees not as man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.
1 Samuel 16:7

But just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not as pleasing men, but God who examines our hearts.
1 Thessalonians 2:4

The Past Me: A Different Look at Comparison

Do you struggle to live up to your own standards? Do you feel like you don’t have the freedom to change?

So last post, we were talking about the dangers of comparing ourselves with others. When we fixate ourselves on other people’s accomplishments and thus feel insignificant and incapable, then we lose sight of our worth and our joy. You may have heard similar teaching in the past, but I hope it was an encouraging reminder.

Today, though, we will be talking about a different sort of comparison that I have struggled with a lot recently.

Have you been through a life-altering event?

When I asked that question, some of you may have immediately thought, “Yes”, and proceeded to think of the story related to your answer. Others of you may have thought, “Nothing that significant”. But let me tell you something, any event, even something that might be meaningless to another person, can be life-altering.

Your mindset affects much of your life, yes? They say 10% of how you feel is related to the actual event and the 90% is how you react to it. (Don’t quote me on that, but it’s pretty mind-blowing to think how much our attitude affects our life.)

Anything that has changed the way you view a person, situation, or life in general is a life-altering event. It has changed how you see the world.

Okay, back to the comparison thing. Stay with me here, and it will all make sense!

Last time I talked about how I was comparing myself to my riding partners and how that stole my joy and excitement about riding. Well, I eventually realized what it was doing to my self-esteem and enjoyment of one of my favorite hobbies. I slowly began to regain my appreciation for the sport and felt more fulfilled. But then, about a month ago, I fell off of a horse who I had previously trusted. I know that happens to every rider, and I’ve fallen off under worse circumstances before, but it still caused me to build up this fear towards riding again.

And as the past month has gone by, I’ve struggled with being disappointment in my regression in riding. I’ve taken on some poor habits that I had worked through and I’ve lost my excitement about riding again.

I’ve been so angry at myself. So frustrated. I keep comparing myself to how I used to ride and how I’ve changed since then.

And you might be thinking, Hannah, it’s not that big of a deal. You’re fine. Or, it makes sense that you are afraid. You shouldn’t be mad about that.

But haven’t you ever had a life-altering event change your perspective, and suddenly you can’t enter a situation, activity, or relationship the same way?

We all think that change is such a bad thing. But the issue is not the change in us. It’s how we try to enter these spaces as the same people we used to be.

I heard a message on the radio that really spoke to me. When we walk into a room, sometimes we get a weird vibe that makes us want to leave and re-enter. Sometimes, we have to re-enter the rooms of our relationships, situations, and activities. We need a fresh start now that we are not the same as we used to be. We should have different expectations for ourselves.

We need to stop comparing ourselves to a past version that no longer exists. We often get told to not judge others based on how they used to be. But now we need to extend that same grace to ourselves.

The reason these life-altering experiences happened may not be known to you yet. But they all have a purpose. God is shaping us into the people we are meant to be, and we have to trust that.

No matter how we change, we will always be loved by God. That never changes.

Examine yourselves, to see whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Or do you not realize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you?—unless indeed you fail to meet the test!
2 Corinthians 13:5

I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Galatians 2:20

The Comparison Trap

Do you struggle with comparing yourself to others? Here is some encouragement.

My word of the year, which I may have shared earlier, is joy. A quote I saw this week, simple but important, was this: Comparison steals joy.

Comparison is a trap we all have or will step into at one point or another. I’ve had a difficult time with comparison, and I didn’t recognize my current struggle with it until seeing this quote and thinking about how it truly has taken away my joy.

I think there’s the common way of thinking of comparison– comparing ourselves with another person.

But we also can have difficulties with comparing ourselves to a past version of us and with a false standard others hold of us.

I’m going to be doing a short series on comparison, starting with comparing ourselves to other people, and I’ll touch on what I mean by the other ways of comparison in another post.

I am a horse rider. I think I have shared that on here, and it’s become a big part of my identity, especially now that I work at a barn. Last year, I rode with two newer riders and was the “most knowledgeable in the ring”. But in the fall, I started doubting my abilities when comparing myself to the two new people I started riding with. I lost my enjoyment of horse riding. I lost my sense of motivation. I just became frustrated with myself.

Now, there’s more to that story, but that ties into next post. For now, let’s stay here a moment.

When have you felt like you excelled at something, just to get that feeling taken away from you?

That feeling is pride. And sometimes when God knows we need a lesson in humility, He allows for that pride to get ripped out from underneath us.

Because, let’s face it, there’s always going to be someone better. A better rider, a better writer, a better teacher, a better ______.

The reason why comparison hurts us is because we lose confidence in ourselves.

But you see, confidence is a good thing while pride is not.

God wants us to be confident where He’s placed us. We need to have faith even when we feel like the least knowledgeable person.

And chances are, we aren’t quite as “bad” at whatever, whether it be a sport, hobby, job, or physical trait, as the negative voice in our heads make us believe.

We are just in a different stage. We are in a different season. And trust me, you won’t be the least experienced forever. Someday, you might even be the most experienced. So learn what you can and don’t waste the season you’re in right now.

I know it’s hard when we think other people are better than us. I know it’s hard when other people confirm the lies we repeat to ourselves, the lies that say oru worth is based on what we can do and not who we are.

But I’m going to combat those lies for you– for both of us– right now.

You are valuable no matter what you accomplish, whether it’s a little or a lot. You are making a difference in other people’s lives, whether or not you get appreciated. And you have a future, even when other people say you aren’t going to change. Because you are going to change. We all are. And that’s a good thing, because the more we change, the stronger we become.

You are strong enough to combat those feelings of insecurity. Those doubts. You are enough.

For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Galatians 1:10

Not that we dare to classify or compare ourselves with some of those who are commending themselves. But when they measure themselves by one another and compare themselves with one another, they are without understanding.
2 Corinthians 10:12

But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbor.
Galatians 6:4

One Story’s Villain is Another Story’s Hero

Are there villains in your life’s story that are hard to forgive?

I absolutely love writing. Everyone who knows me even a little bit can probably guess that. Clearly you know it, since I’m a blogger!

Anyway, I have recently been fascinated by YouTube videos about character development. Only a fellow fiction writer can relate to that sentence haha.

Here is a piece of advice I received a while back: Every character has their own plot going on. Each character needs to have their own goals, desires, and beliefs. That’s the only way to make them believable. Because, let’s face it, we are the protagonists in our life story, but we are not in other people’s.

Going even deeper than that, I had this sudden realization:

The villain in your story is the protagonist in another story.

Read that again.

The villain in your story is the protagonist in another story.

Not in your made-up story. In your everyday life. The person who gets under your skin. The person who has hurt you in the past.

They don’t see themselves the way you see them, as arrogant, hurtful, or mean.

And it’s important to realize that other people don’t see themselves the way we see them. In psychology, there’s a phenomenon known as Biases in Attribution. Basically, when we make a mistake, we are more inclined to blame it on outside reasons, such as having a hard day, getting over a loss, or not feeling well. But when someone else makes a mistake, we blame it on internal things, and we are more likely to think they are inherently bad or insensitive because we don’t know what’s going on in their minds.

I’m not saying that there aren’t evil people in the world. The person who hurt you does need to apologize. You have a right to be upset. But if you never hear the words “I’m sorry”, you still need to forgive them. Because if you don’t, then you must believe that what they did is unforgivable.

And as believers in Christ, we need to completely realize that nothing is truly unforgivable. The second we repent, Jesus forgives us. He died for us because of His never-ending love and grace. His heart breaks for us. We hurt Him the most, the One who did nothing wrong.

So if He can forgive us, certainly we can forgive the “villains” in our lives too, huh? That doesn’t mean we need to allow them to manipulate or hurt us again. But it does mean we need to let go of our bitter feelings and extend God’s grace towards them.

After all, if you are unintentionally being the villain in someone else’s story, wouldn’t you want them to forgive you too?

And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.
Mark 11:25