Category: Relationships

Seeing People as People

“Everyone of us needs to show how much we care for each other and, in the process, care for ourselves.”

Princess Diana

I think that it’s easy, especially because we are social distancing and doing most of our interactions online, to forget that people are really people. People are human beings, created in the likeness of God, and have a purpose. Every single one. And that includes you.

I have a relative who does not live near me, and he has often done things that would seem very self-centered. In fact, that’s been his trademark his entire life. I think that would be a fair accusation to make, too, considering his high expectations of others yet his own failure to live up to those expectations himself. I’ve never felt the “love” or concern from him, even though I should, and my family has made considerable more effort to reach out than he has. It’s easy for me to think poorly of him and forget that he is a person. Yet…

I talked to him on the phone today for the first time in months. And I remembered that he is a person.

Sometimes it takes reaching out and hearing someone’s voice or seeing someone’s face to realize how they are just as important as the person who shows you God’s love. I hope you have a community full of people that make you feel appreciated and cared for. But it’s still important to take the time to love even the difficult people who have let you down because perhaps it will help them change. Even if it won’t, you will have made them feel the way you wanted to feel.

However, don’t rely on those people or really anyone to tell you how you need to feel about yourself. Extend yourself the same grace and compassion that you want to experience. God made you very special and He wants you to not doubt yourself, or who you have become. You need to remember that you are your biggest advocate to others and you if you see yourself the way God sees you, then you don’t have to worry about the things that you compare yourself to. You should use opportunities to grow to become more like Jesus, but you should also feel satisfied where you are right now, because God’s love will sustain you.

Anyway, whether it’s an annoying coworker, a frustrating family member, or a person who has disappointed you, I hope you can see them the way God sees them today. And more importantly, I hope you can also feel God’s presence in your life and feel just as worthy and valuable as you are. ❤

“A man who is kind benefits himself, but a cruel man hurts himself.”

~Proverbs 11:17

Always There

This unfortunately isn’t the best photo I have of Hobi, but it’s one of the only ones I could upload on here. And it was cute how he blended in with everything so…

We had to say goodbye to our sweet boy yesterday night. My life changed with him in it and I am forever grateful. It’s taken some time to process everything, and it will take even more. But I just wanted to share some ways that I have grown as a person through Hobi.

Loyalty

To be honest, when I was a kid I used to want a dog that was fancier. Hobi was plump and quiet. But then I realized what an amazing gift I was taking for granted. Hobi was always there for me, no matter how crazy or weird I was. I am certainly not the most interesting person, but Hobi still chose to spend time with me. He would still be super excited every time I got home and would wander in whenever the door was partially closed. Hobi taught me that if you really love someone, you’re going to be there for them through everything, even the stuff that isn’t pretty.

Peace

Hobi is one of the most tranquil dogs I have ever met. He would sleep a lot, hardly ever barked, and had such a gentle soul. As an Enneagram Nine (whoa for an account originally supposed to be about the Enneagram, I haven’t mentioned it in a while haha), peace is one of our core attributes. I think that if Hobi was a person, he would’ve been a Nine. But he knew how to truly rest and feel content, and those are traits a lot of humans forget these days.

Standing Up for Myself

Hobi was almost as stubborn as he was cute, and that meant that if he didn’t like how he was being treated, he would make a point of leaving or doing something to get the person to stop. It’s hard for me to stand up for myself in a kind way, and Hobi was good at never hurting your feelings, but making sure he was getting what he deserved. (And perhaps more since he was a little spoiled, but he deserved it!)

Hospitality

Hobi wasn’t much of a dog- dog, if that’s a thing haha. He loved people and cats, but not other dogs. However, whenever I had anyone over, he would always run to greet them and give them kisses. It didn’t matter their background or if he had met them before, he just loved everyone and made them feel special. Not many people can show impartiality, so I learned a lot from him about how to make people feel wanted and accepted for who they are.

Being There

I was trying to reflect on my favorite memories with Hobi, and although most of my life was spent with him, I realized that we didn’t “do” a lot together. He was always just there. No matter what. When I was lonely, when I was doubting, when I was feeling like the world wasn’t fair. Hobi was there. And he taught me most of all that a good friend is there, quietly not disturbing anything, but pouring out love in the simplest of ways.

I will love you forever, Hobi. Thank you for everything you did to make my life sweet. You taught me so much and I thank God every day for having had you in my life. I hope you are doing well in Heaven and eating lots of steaks! I miss you ❤

“God is our refuge and strength, a helper who is always found in times of trouble. Therefore we will not be afraid, though the earth trembles and the mountains topple into the depths of the seas.”

Psalms 46:1-2

Still Human

“Never regret being a good person, to the wrong people. Your behavior says everything about you, and their behavior says enough about them.”

Marc and Angel

I think that the greatest disservice you can do to a person is put them on a pedestal and expect them to be perfect.

The best way to destroy something beautiful is by comparing it to something else.

First of all, I just want to say that I don’t know everything, but all I’m trying to do is share what I’ve learned so far in my life and hopefully give you new perspective.

One of the biggest mistakes in my life has been making another person so great in my head that if they ever do anything wrong, I am extremely disappointed.

I’m going to be completely honest with you because that’s the only way to gain trust and credibility. It’s the only way you’re going to believe even a word that I say.

One of the worst things that ever happened to me was partially attributed to the fact that I made someone out to be a person she was not.

We were super close. Growing up, this was probably my most important relationship outside of my relationships with my family. It could be argued that she did things that caused our friendship to fall apart, but the reason they affected me so much was because I saw her out as someone who couldn’t do any wrong. We rarely fought, we were the image of what best friends were supposed to be. In my head, the comparisons were always rolling.

And that leads me to my second point. The greatest disservice you can do to yourself is blame yourself for your mistakes or your lacking in an area of your life.

I think I started resenting her the second I let go of the idea of us being close. She was perfect at everything and I was not. She was beautiful and I was normal. She got the best grades and I was just average. I was not special when I compared myself to her.

But that didn’t mean I was right.

The thing that pulled the comparison over the edge was when she got into the “perfect relationship”. I could fudge over the other things I lacked. I could show her my riding ribbons whenever she mentioned her assortment of accomplishments. I could think about the one time my teacher complimented my work as she complained about an A- in Chemistry on one test (I fought hard to get a B in that class). I would do whatever I could to look halfway decent for the few days we would spend together to feel somewhat comparable. But I couldn’t just create a halfway decent relationship out of thin air.

To make matters worse, I had some other things going on at school that made me feel even more inadequate in comparison to all of her working out relationships. I felt lonely and isolated. I went through my darkest period of time.

And then I found a new group of people to put on a pedestal.

It started out innocently enough. In fact, that was honestly the problem.

I was naive and assumed that because one friend was kind, the rest would be too. But in reality, I was left emptier and lonelier than ever before. And I attribute much of those feelings to the fact that I expected them to be perfect. After all, that was the image they seemed to want to project. I was as nice as I could be to them (albeit a bit shyly), and after they dumped me, I regretted ever trusting them.

Maybe I shouldn’t have trusted them. I definitely shouldn’t have had such high opinions of them. But I should never regret being kind to them.

Going back to the friend I was originally speaking of, for a while I regretted being friends with her at all. But the more I think about it now, with over a year under my belt from the incident, the more I feel grateful that I had that experience.

You heard me. Grateful. I’m grateful because it taught me exactly what that quote said. The moments I will regret the most are the ones where I’m unkind to people, no matter if they were nice to me or not. I know that I have looked weird or naive for being kind to people who have hurt me, but I will always know in my heart that the reason I was being nice after everything was not because I expected them to somehow change. Rather, I was simply realizing that the only way to have a life worth living is having love for others.

The most important part to remember is that you can’t blame yourself for how other people act towards you. You don’t have to blame yourself for your past when it’s time to move on. If someone breaks your trust, it isn’t your fault. If you loved someone that turns on you, it’s not your fault. It’s a reflection of who they truly are inside. The only one who can reflect who you are inside is YOU.

“Let all that you do be done in love.”

1 Corinthians 16:14