Category: Relationships

The Power of Vulnerability

Do you view being vulnerable as a strength or weakness?

In 2003, a young boy and his family experienced a life-altering event that would impact many lives around the world. Colton, the child, had an emergency surgery that doctors were amazed he survived through. While in surgery, he temporarily died and was able to be in Heaven. During the time when the doctors weren’t sure if he’d make it, Colton’s father, a pastor, poured his heart out to Jesus to save His son. He wept and he screamed and he demanded that life be restored.

In an interview with Colton and his dad, they were asked why Colton wanted to come back to Earth after having such a wonderful experience with Jesus in Heaven. Colton responded, “I knew that I was leaving Heaven because Jesus came to me and said, ‘Colton, you need to go back’…He said he was answering my dad’s prayer.” That prayer happened to be the outburst made when all hope was lost. When choice words were used, when hurt was exposed, when life seemed bleakest.

I so often wonder what we lose when we don’t expose our full selves to God. Obviously He knows every part of us, but He honors it when we trust Him enough to bring those parts to Him by our own will. Yet it’s so tempting to believe that because Jesus is our Lord and Savior, the all-knowing, perfect One, we must only bring the best parts of us to Him.

Yesterday, I was privileged enough to hear the testimony of a new pastor at our church. Despite having only been with us for three months and not evening knowing us in-person yet, she shared many trials and tragedies from her spiritual journey. She was open, vulnerable, and relatable. That was the beauty of her story. Not the wonderful articulation of it or even finding the perfect Bible passage to close, though those were also true. No, it was when she created a space of both healing and grief, of brokenness and restoration.

How often do we miss out on the opportunity of being a better leader or friend or family member because we feel the need to put on an act. Vulnerability is associated with being weak, but being vulnerable is actually a great strength. It requires conquering the fear of judgement first. We often believe we must “have it all together” in order to be accepted, right? Maybe, maybe not.

What if we enter all our relationships with a sense of vulnerability? Not naivety, not blind trust, but rather relatability? The willingness to allow the broken part of our lives inspire and touch others?

Interestingly, the reason I joined this meeting was because of the title, “New Beginnings”. This phrase has popped up in my life time and again over the last six months or so, a sign from God, I believe. I’ve often associated this phrase with the idea of starting with a clean slate, leaving behind the past.

But yesterday I was presented with a new idea. New beginnings doesn’t mean moving past the hurt before we’re ready. It means allowing God to restore and redeem the past, pondering our experiences in a new way.

The best way to accept God’s transformation in our lives is giving the all of ourselves to Him. The broken, the shattered, the weary. The hopeful, the curious, the eager. Everything.

I’m going to close with Psalm 103, which was read during my meeting yesterday. The pastor shared how this psalm means so much to her as it was shared by a friend fighting cancer. It reminds us all of God’s never ending love for us.

1 Praise the LORD, my soul; all my inmost being, praise his holy name. 2 Praise the LORD, my soul, and forget not all his benefits— 3 who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, 4 who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion, 5 who satisfies your desires with good things so that your youth is renewed like the eagle’s. 6 The LORD works righteousness and justice for all the oppressed. 7 He made known his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel: 8 The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. 9 He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; 10 he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. 11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; 12 as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. 13 As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him; 14 for he knows how we are formed, he remembers that we are dust. 15 The life of mortals is like grass, they flourish like a flower of the field; 16 the wind blows over it and it is gone, and its place remembers it no more. 17 But from everlasting to everlasting the LORD’s love is with those who fear him, and his righteousness with their children’s children— 18 with those who keep his covenant and remember to obey his precepts. 19 The LORD has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all. 20 Praise the LORD, you his angels, you mighty ones who do his bidding, who obey his word. 21 Praise the LORD, all his heavenly hosts, you his servants who do his will. 22 Praise the LORD, all his works everywhere in his dominion. Praise the LORD, my soul.

Psalm 103

Source of introduction story: Historyvshollywood.com

A Ripple Effect

How are the people in your life influencing you?

When you were growing up, did you ever have that one friend that your parents were worried you’d end up like? Maybe they didn’t follow the rules or they were disrespectful. Your parents didn’t want you to spend too much time with that friend because they didn’t want you to become like them. Whether or not you learned this the hard way, as an adult, you likely know it to be true that the people closest to you are the ones who have the greatest influence over you.

What I bet you didn’t know is that the Bible affirms the decision to be wise and cautious about who you let into your close circle. I’ve been reading through Proverbs recently, and I’ve come across a few key reminders about who to be friends with.

  1. Don’t get too close to too many people

A man of too many friends comes to ruin,
But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Proverbs 18:24

This doesn’t mean we should turn away a person who needs a friend necessarily, but it’s a good reminder that physically as humans we don’t have the energy or resources to be a good friend to a lot of people. We can be there for them, pray for them, and show God’s love to them, but we can’t be everybody’s ride-or-die companion. When we allow too many people into our close circles, the filter we place over our friends’ advice and opinions grows weaker. But if we pour a lot into a few deep relationships, we’ll feel encouraged and strengthened in our faith.

2. Seek friends who are honest and loyal

Better is open rebuke

Than love that is concealed.

Faithful are the wounds of a friend,

But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.

Proverbs 27:5-6

Two of the most important qualities in a friend are honesty and loyalty. You know you are close to someone when you can openly share what you think would help them grow as a person and as a friend. And when your friend needs to confront you about something, you don’t feel hurt or betrayed, but rather cared for by their consideration to help you improve too. If all your friends simply flatter you or only remain on the surface level, then perhaps they really aren’t such close friends.

Though honesty may hurt sometimes, you know that a relationship is strong when you can be truly vulnerable and open about everything.

3. A good friend is there through the dark times

A friend loves at all times,

And a brother is born for adversity.

Proverbs 17:17

You may have heard this verse before because it’s so good and widely shared. Expanding on the idea of loyalty, the people in your close circle need to be there for you when you are going through difficult times. But you also have to be willing– actually, wanting– to be there for them even when they aren’t at their best either. That’s why we can’t have too many people in our close circle, because we can’t always be there for everyone all the time. But when you walk through the fire with someone, your relationship will grow stronger.

4. Seek friends who give wise counsel

He who walks with wise men will be wise,

But the companion of fools will suffer harm.

Proverbs 13:20

Your friends should be the ones you can turn to when you need help solving a problem. Now, no one is perfect or gives the best advice every time, but it’s important to be around people who share your morals and who give thought to their answers to your questions. These people who are in the Word, who pray and seek God’s counsel, will be the ones who will help you make the best decisions and will help you grow in maturity and wisdom as well.

5. Last but not least, choose friends who exhibit qualities you want to have

Do not associate with a man given to anger;

Or go with a hot-tempered man,

Or you will learn his ways

And find a snare for yourself.

Proverbs 22:24-25

Iron sharpens iron,

So one man sharpens another.

Proverbs 27:17

Coming full circle here, when you are around people who are critical, angry, and judgemental, you will become like them. Whether it’s your annoyance over their bad habits or how their qualities seem less upsetting the longer you spend with them, the truth is, one of the most important things you can do in life is surrounding yourself with people who mirror God-like qualities. You don’t want to be living in fear of your friends or becoming like them. Rather, you should be in relationships that sharpen you and your faith.

Now, you might be thinking that you should still allow difficult people into your inner circle to help them. But here’s the thing, if you become like them, then you will start harming others. There’s a ripple effect; if you grow close to an angry person and become angry yourself, then the people around you will start being like that too. Of course, you should still be kind and welcoming to difficult people, but you shouldn’t allow them to be big influencers in your life.

Based on what I’ve been saying, you might be frustrated by humans’ ability to become like the people they’re around. But this trait is actually a good thing when it comes to the most important relationship we have: our relationship with Jesus.

You see, the more time you spend with the most amazing friend you have (Jesus), you will become more like Him. And that’s our ultimate goal as believers, right? The more time you spend with Jesus, the more you’ll see that ripple effect of love and compassion pour into the lives of the people around you.

So today, think about who you consider to be your closest friends. Do you share any qualities with them? Do they positively influence you?

And most importantly, spend time with Jesus and thank Him for being our best friend.

Do not be deceived: Bad company corrupts good morals.

1 Corinthians 15:33

The righteous is a guide to his neighbor,

But the way of the wicked leads them astray.

Proverbs 12:26

Who Defines You?

Do you often feel used or deemed worthless by others? Do you feel burned out by trying to live up to others’ expectations?

I don’t know about you, but I can often exhibit people-pleasing tendencies. If you aren’t sure if you are a people-pleaser, consider this list of statements and see if any resonate with you:

  1. I feel worn out because of other people’s demands, yet I can’t say no
  2. I often feel used by others
  3. I get my fulfillment through making others happy
  4. I often just go with what others want, even when I have a different opinion
  5. I hide my own feelings if they differ from others
  6. I get hurt by criticism really easily, even if it’s constructive
  7. I try to figure out what other people think of me, because that affects my self-esteem
  8. I allow others to decide how worthy I am

If a few of those (or all) really clicked with you, then you have probably had issues setting boundaries and you’ve been really hurt by others for either not appreciating you or for things they have said that you’ve let get to you.

Here’s the thing, yes part of it might be on them for not being diplomatic or for not realizing how you feel. But you need to be honest with yourself and realize that if you’re allowing others to determine how much you are worth, then you are going to be in an endless cycle of feeling less-than. You will never measure up to everyone’s standards of excellence.

I’m in a writing class (there’s a pro-tip coming ahead if you’re also a writer) and we comment on other people’s short stories. As a people pleaser, I often get upset when people don’t like what I’ve written, or even when they’ve found a tiny flaw that doesn’t satisfy them. I’ve allowed their ideas, these random-people-who-I’ve-never-met’s ideas, affect how I view myself as a writer. I am so easily discouraged that I dread reading their comments, even when many of them have both positive and critical things to say.

But here’s the thing: they don’t know me. They don’t know my story. They have their own struggles that they are dealing with. And they have different perspectives. So I should listen to what they are saying, but take it with a grain of salt.

As I read the most recent comments, I noticed a similarity between them and ones from previous work. None of them agree with each other. One person likes the opening monologue while another thinks it’s boring. One person feels like a character is their best friend while another can’t relate to them.

My bottom line is this: Whether you are a writer or not, you can’t please everyone. There’s just no physical way.

And the truth is, no person can fully understand you or your whole story. Only God knows you deeply and loves you.

Imagine you see this gorgeous painting that you want to further understand. You wouldn’t let some fifth-grader who just got dragged into an art museum explain the artist’s intent behind their work, would you? Not if you wanted the truthful, deep, thought-provoking answer dripping with love and affection for their masterpiece.

That’s why you shouldn’t let the people you meet online, your coworkers, or even people close to you define you. No one can express how much you are truly worth like your Creator can. He’s the only one who knows your full purpose, how intricately designed you are, and how long it took Him to breathe you into being.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made. Never let yourself believe otherwise.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well.

Psalm 139:14

Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tried you in the furnace of affliction. For my own sake, for my own sake, I do it, for how should my name be profaned? My glory I will not give to another.

Isaiah 48:10-11

Then the Lord God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature.

Genesis 2:7

“How Are You Doing?”

When was the last time you asked someone, “How are you doing?”

I’m going to admit, one of my guilty pleasures is rom-coms. I don’t know why since I wouldn’t consider myself the “most romantic person in the world”. But if there’s a really good rom-com out there, I will likely watch it and enjoy it.

The most recent one I’ve watched is the third movie about Lara Jean in the To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before series. She and her boyfriend, Peter, have gone through many ups and downs since they initially got together at the end of the first movie. They’ve matured and have grown significantly closer. In fact, they even plan on going to college together and staying together forever. (Might be sad if they weren’t planning on the latter, now that I think about it).

Anyway, the “big event” of this movie is (spoiler alert!) Lara Jean not getting into the college that they were planning to attend together. The issue is, because they were both planning on going for so long, Lara Jean doesn’t have the heart to tell Peter. So he buys her a Stanford tree hat, decorates his car, and takes her out on a special date to celebrate her acceptance (since he is unaware of her rejection). So you’d think that by the time she does tell him, he’d be pretty upset, right? Probably annoyed, angry, maybe even ready to break up?

But his answer stunned me. And moved me greatly. I don’t often cry during movies, and I thought I would at the end of this one since it’s the last in the series, but the moment I almost cried was at Peter’s response to Lara Jean’s heart-wrenching confession that she didn’t make it into Stanford.

He looks at her with such care and concern as she starts rambling on and on about how she can fix the situation. He stops her and says in a soft, empathetic voice, “How are you doing?”

I’m sure he knows at this moment that his dreams are crushed as much as hers. He had his hopes set on her going to Stanford too. But he doesn’t let that affect the way he reacts. Instead, he puts his care and love for her over his disappointment.

Wow. Okay, let’s regroup for a minute here. (Also go watch the movie after if I haven’t spoiled too much of it for you).

So you might be thinking, “Aw, what a great boyfriend! Next?”

No. We need to really think about this lesson embedded in this scene. Like, how many times have you been dreading telling someone something you knew would disappoint them and you were greeted with a harsh, or even just discouraged, response?

Probably many times.

But how many times have you been given love and admiration for the courage it took you to share that news? How many times were you asked, before any opinions were shared, how you were doing?

And let me flip that question around a bit. When was the last time you responded to disappointing news with care and concern instead of worry or anger?

I think the reason this scene meant so much to me is because I really wanted someone to just ask me how I was doing. I also felt guilty that I haven’t always reacted with such maturity and love to others when faced in similar situations. I’m more inclined to share my opinions on the news rather than hear their side of the story.

Now, I know there are many instances where they say not to ask that question, like right after someone died or something like that. Often that just overwhelms a person.

But I think you’ll know deep down in your heart when it’s the right time to ask if you really stop and let yourself step into the other person’s shoes.

Is there someone who needs to be asked how they’re doing? Like, how they’re really doing?

I know it can be awkward, but sometimes you just have to be the first person to make a move. You have to be the one to start that act of kindness. And if you think about it, that’s only four words. Four simple words to completely change a conversation, even a relationship, around.

So the next time you are tempted to get annoyed at someone’s bad news, think about the situation from their perspective and respond with empathy. Or, if you feel like there’s someone being overlooked or overworked, reach out and see if you can be there for them.

You never know how you might be able to change a life today.

Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Ephesians 4:32

One Story’s Villain is Another Story’s Hero

Are there villains in your life’s story that are hard to forgive?

I absolutely love writing. Everyone who knows me even a little bit can probably guess that. Clearly you know it, since I’m a blogger!

Anyway, I have recently been fascinated by YouTube videos about character development. Only a fellow fiction writer can relate to that sentence haha.

Here is a piece of advice I received a while back: Every character has their own plot going on. Each character needs to have their own goals, desires, and beliefs. That’s the only way to make them believable. Because, let’s face it, we are the protagonists in our life story, but we are not in other people’s.

Going even deeper than that, I had this sudden realization:

The villain in your story is the protagonist in another story.

Read that again.

The villain in your story is the protagonist in another story.

Not in your made-up story. In your everyday life. The person who gets under your skin. The person who has hurt you in the past.

They don’t see themselves the way you see them, as arrogant, hurtful, or mean.

And it’s important to realize that other people don’t see themselves the way we see them. In psychology, there’s a phenomenon known as Biases in Attribution. Basically, when we make a mistake, we are more inclined to blame it on outside reasons, such as having a hard day, getting over a loss, or not feeling well. But when someone else makes a mistake, we blame it on internal things, and we are more likely to think they are inherently bad or insensitive because we don’t know what’s going on in their minds.

I’m not saying that there aren’t evil people in the world. The person who hurt you does need to apologize. You have a right to be upset. But if you never hear the words “I’m sorry”, you still need to forgive them. Because if you don’t, then you must believe that what they did is unforgivable.

And as believers in Christ, we need to completely realize that nothing is truly unforgivable. The second we repent, Jesus forgives us. He died for us because of His never-ending love and grace. His heart breaks for us. We hurt Him the most, the One who did nothing wrong.

So if He can forgive us, certainly we can forgive the “villains” in our lives too, huh? That doesn’t mean we need to allow them to manipulate or hurt us again. But it does mean we need to let go of our bitter feelings and extend God’s grace towards them.

After all, if you are unintentionally being the villain in someone else’s story, wouldn’t you want them to forgive you too?

And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

Mark 11:25

The Rescuer

A lot of times we want to be the one to save people. But how does that align with our mission from Jesus?

My favorite song is Rescue, by Lauren Daigle. The song is all about the love God has for us and how He will come to save us in our times of need. He is our rescuer.

A believer in Christ’s main goal would be to become more like Jesus, right? We watch the way He acted and spoke when He was on Earth. We try to become a disciple of Jesus.

The Holy Trinity– Jesus, God, and the Holy Spirit– are the only perfect Ones in existence. Not even the disciples were perfect.

However, I think we can learn a lot from the disciples about how to follow in the footsteps of Jesus.

A lot of us want to go on mission trips in order to rescue people for Jesus. I think that mission trips, when taken for the right reasons, are wonderful. Sharing God’s love to people around the world is our mission from Jesus Himself right before He went back into Heaven. But the thing is, we are not supposed to be the rescuer. That job is for God, not us.

Something I’ve noticed while reading through Acts is that when the disciples healed people, they always brought the glory back to God. When they were preaching, it was all about how the people needed Jesus, not the disciples. The disciples made it their mission not to make the people dependent on them, but rather dependent on God. I think that’s an important thing to remember, whether we’re out on the mission field in a foreign country or right at home in our own community.

I was going to share a story about a person at our church who is such an amazing person and has done so much for us in her short time with us so far, yet has taken on perhaps too much because she wants to feel needed. She wants to be the rescuer.

But sharing that story would perhaps be hypocritical and not as perhaps impactful as sharing the story of when I tried to be the rescuer.

I think anyone with the “caretaker” personality has struggled with trying to take God’s role in being the one people need. I didn’t realize that I had this problem until a recent reflection over a few past relationships I’ve had with different people where I was so concerned about them getting on the right path that I didn’t focus on actually building the connection with them, but instead was focused on getting the task done of “fixing them”. (Another important thing to note for missions work: Don’t allow the task to come before the relationship. But that’s another topic for another time :))

Anyway, one friendship I had in particular has stuck out to me while thinking about the issue of trying to be the rescuer instead of God.

I felt pretty close to a friend in my life who was going through a difficult time. I felt like God had placed me in his life at just the right time so that I could help him deepen his relationship with God. We had one or two deep conversations about faith and he sporadically attended a Bible study that I had set up with some other friends of ours. I was so excited that I felt like I was making an impact on his life that, for lack of a better word, I got addicted to the feeling that I was changing his life. Keep in mind who I just said–me.

I went into the relationship thinking that I was being used by God, and I do believe that I was. However, I don’t think I ended up leaving the relationship with the same intentions.

This realization hit me when I was talking with him a few months after he had left the Bible study after moving away. He told me about how he was now a part of a Bible study in his new community. Later on, his mom told me all about how excited she was for him to have these new opportunities to grow closer to God.

My initial reaction should’ve been joy. This person that I’d grown to care a great deal about was now taking steps on his own to form a better relationship with God. That was the goal, right?

But instead, I was filled with disappointment that he didn’t need me anymore.

I think God caused this time of space between him and I for a reason. He wanted to show me that while I had done the right thing by encouraging this person’s faith journey, it was time to let go. It was time to see that none of that was done because of some special talent I had given myself. Rather, it was all done through the Holy Spirit working through me. So instead of being upset that now the Holy Spirit was working through other people in his life, I should be grateful for the time I did have.

The point I’m trying to make here is that yes, God does work through us in incredible ways. I want you to feel like you’re making a difference, because when God works through anybody, they are doing something great. But I want you to also learn through my story that we can’t get so attached to the mission that we forget who we’re working for. God puts people in our lives for a season. Granted, that season can take a variety of time frames, whether it be a day, a year, or decades. But God is the only One there for them forever.

So today, think about whether or not you are trying to be the rescuer instead of pointing people to the One who can truly rescue them. God is working powerfully through you, but it’s always important to remember who gave us our gifts to begin with.

We can confidently say, “The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?”

Hebrews 13:6

The Thing That Hurts Us

Are you really angry at someone right now? Did someone hurt you deeply? Here is some advice and encouragement as to how to heal your heart.

I was recently doing a Bible study with some friends, and the message for that week was about how important our thoughts are to our well-being. Not only that, but to our relationship with God.

If you’ve ever struggled with loneliness, anxiety, depression, or stress, I’m sure you can agree that those intrusive thoughts that bombard our minds seem to take over our lives.

But I think something that people don’t often associate with our mental health is anger. Anger can easily take over our lives and destroy our relationships. Not only that, but it can destroy our mental well-being too.

I think it’s interesting, in a sad way, that our society seems to glorify being angry.

“Oh, you’re angry at that side? Excellent, that means that you are the best supporter for us.”

“You’re mad that this person won? Go fight for your beliefs!”

People often support their anger with the story of how Jesus turned tables over in the temple. “If Jesus was angry, then we can be angry too!”

Being angry is natural. But it doesn’t mean we should stay angry, and it does mean that we need to pay attention to what we are doing with our anger. When Jesus expressed His anger over the injustices going on in His city, He did not hurt people with His anger. I think that’s a good question to check ourselves with. When we are doing ____ because we are angry, does that hurt anyone?

The next thing to think about is, where is the root cause of this anger? Is it hurt? Frustration? Something unrelated to the thing you’re fueling your angry energy towards?

Jesus spoke against the rulers that were harming people’s relationship with God. Jesus was frustrated by the unfairness and lies being spread. He was standing up for truth.

I’m going to admit something to you right now. Over the last couple of weeks, I have been very angry at a couple people in my life. I didn’t want to feel hurt, so instead I fueled my energy towards thinking negative thoughts about them. I wanted to feel powerful, powerful enough to be in charge of my feelings.

But then I came across this verse, and it frightened me.

“In your anger, do not sin”: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.”

Ephesians 4:26-27

Whoa. Okay, just take a moment with me here to think about this. When we are angry, we allow the devil to work through us. That is certainly frightening, isn’t it? That means that instead of allowing the Holy Spirit to be the One guiding us, we are allowing our enemy to take over. That’s such an incredible loss. That means we gave over to our real permanent enemy, not just the temporary one we’ve found in a friend, relative, or random internet stranger.

Then, as I kept reading, I was struck by this additional verse.

“And do not grieve the Holy Spirt of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption.”

Ephesians 4:30

When we are angry, we hurt God.

I know a lot of times we think we are just hurting the other person when we think angry thoughts about them or when we seek revenge. But the thing is, we are hurting everyone involved– ourselves, the other person, and God. God is involved in our daily lives, which means He knows when we are upset. He understands when we are hurt, but instead of letting our pride get in the way, we need to come to Him and express the deep pain we are feeling.

Because, let’s face it. We are angry because we allowed ourselves to become vulnerable enough to trust someone, and they blew it. They might’ve betrayed your trust in numerous ways. It could be taking the opposite side on an issue you’re passionate about. Maybe they told someone something personal about you that ruined your reputation. Perhaps they didn’t show up in your life the way you thought they would–maybe even in a way they previously promised they would.

Friend, it’s totally normal and okay to be upset when someone does terrible things to us. Or even not-so-terrible things that still hurt us.

But we can’t stay stuck in those feelings. We have to forgive them.

Because if we don’t forgive them, we are losing our battle against the evil in this world. We are allowing our lives to be run by our anger instead of our love.

So today, if there’s someone you need to forgive, even if it’s just in your heart, please do it. It will change your life.

When I took that step to forgive those people, my life didn’t change over night. But I did feel an overwhelming sense of peace and a burden lifted off my shoulders. And the next time I am hurt by someone, I will have to remind myself that no matter how hard it is, I shouldn’t make the hurt worse by allowing resentment to take over.

Instead, let us both place those feelings in God’s hands and move on with our lives.

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.

James 1:19-20

Leaving the Past Behind Us

Do you have trouble letting go? Here is some encouragement.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve gotten so much out of the “Luke Challenge” this year. If you haven’t heard of it, basically the goal is to read one chapter of Luke every day starting from December 1st until Christmas Eve, since there are 24 chapters in Luke. The point is to celebrate Jesus and learn more about His time on Earth. Jesus has a different message for each of us this year, and it’s important to spend time reflecting on His legacy and on what He’s taught us in 2020.

Anyway, I have felt very convicted multiple times during this challenge, and I’m only through chapter 9! But last night’s in particular stuck out to me. I’ll share the passage below. It’s titled in some translations “The Cost of Following Jesus”.

As they were traveling across the road someone said to Him, “I will follow you wherever you go.”

Jesus told him, “Foxes have dens, and birds of the sky have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay His head.” Then He said to another, “Follow me.”

“Lord,” he said, “first let me go bury my father.”

But he told him, “Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and spread the news of the kingdom of God.”

Another said, “I will follow you, Lord, but first let me go and say goodbye to those at my house.”

But Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.”

Luke 9:57-62

Ok, first of all, let’s just take a pause for a moment and really let those words soak in.

Wow.

I will be the first to admit that I am horrible at letting go. Letting go of what, you might ask? Literally everything. People, possessions, dreams– even when I know something else is better for me. There are so many points made in this chapter, but I’m going to focus on the point Jesus makes about being willing to let go in order to follow Him.

When I first read this passage, I thought, “Wow, Jesus, you’re sure being harsh on them for not even letting them say goodbye to their families or even bury their loved ones.” But the more I thought about it, I think the point Jesus is trying to make is different than just our surface level assumptions.

Jesus is not necessarily (I’m not going to speak on His behalf of course) saying that you have to suddenly ditch everyone and be irresponsible. In fact, God is described as being faithful several times in the Bible, and we should be faithful as well. He is also not trying to tell us to not love others enough to even say goodbye or to not honor the dead.

Personally, I believe that Jesus is trying to emphasize that while we should love others and be loyal, nothing can come between Him and us. When we agree to follow Jesus, we change completely. We are a whole new person with a whole new life. And when we get so focused on our past lifestyle, then we can’t truly move forward with doing what Jesus commands us to do. We can’t have it both ways; we have to pick either our old way of living or follow Jesus and love Him with our entire heart.

I know how challenging it can be to let go of something, especially if we thought at one point that it was meant for us. But we can’t let our dreams, possessions, or even others come in between us and God. We simply cannot truly live for God with one foot in our old life and one foot in the new. It just doesn’t work like that, no matter how much we want it to.

Today, I challenge you to take a step back and reflect on the areas of your life where you may be living as your old self instead of your new self. Stop dwelling on the past, whether it’s mistakes you made long ago or dreams that didn’t come true for you. You are a whole new person now, and those chains do not have to hold you down any longer. Is there anything in your life coming between you and Jesus? A relationship? A job? A habit you simply can’t break?

This is one of the hardest things we can do– letting go. Not only that, but admitting we’ve done wrong in the first place can be difficult too. But it’s so important. Neglecting our need for growth is one of the biggest things that separates us from God.

I’ll be taking this challenge with you and checking in later to see where we’re at. For now, I pray that you can grow closer to God through this season.

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

Ephesians 4:22-24

Their Victory Can Be Your Victory

Are you struggling with jealousy right now? Always remember that their purpose is not your purpose. You can celebrate others without comparing them to yourself.

“Her purpose is not your purpose.”

@Shelivespurposefully

“Just because you’re happy about her success doesn’t mean you won’t get yours. So celebrate with her! Don’t create a competition that doesn’t exist.”

Unknown

I’ve seen quotes of this nature so many times on Instagram these days, and I’m just hoping that I can really live it out. Jealousy, that green-eyed monster, has gotten the better of me countless times. But the truth is, the one it’s really hurt is me. It’s caused me to miss out on what’s right in front of me, and even worse, it’s caused me to harbor resentment towards others, either people I hardly know or even close friends.

We never really know what’s going on in other people’s lives. We don’t know what their story is, or what it took, all the failures along the way, to get where they are today. A lot of us are more private than we let on, not wanting people to know our past. And sometimes, that’s okay. But we also have to realize that others are like that too, and they only want us to see the good side of them. The victory at the end of the long, hard, brutal battle.

When we compare ourselves to others, we aren’t measuring things equally. It’s not a fair competition. We are comparing everything about one person (ourselves) and only a partial chapter of another’s story, likely the climax or the resolution. We are never on the exact same part of life as someone else when it comes to personal growth. So why are we expecting our lives to suddenly be figured out when our friend or an influencer’s life takes a dramatic change?

You have a purpose. An extraordinary purpose that no one else on Earth can fulfill.

But beloved, your purpose is not the same purpose as the person next to you. It’s not the same as your roommate, your sibling, your best friend, or even your partner.

It’s all uniquely yours.

But their victory can be your victory. You can celebrate when your friend gets that promotion, your cousin buys that new house, or your neighbor finally has the means to purchase that item you’ve both been eyeing. It’s not a race. It’s not a competition. What is meant for you will be given to you.

The same goes for that particularly touchy subject…relationships.

This one is hard for me to write and follow.

Even that person that you like, or even love, but aren’t in a relationship with, can be someone you celebrate. Even if they end up with someone else. Because they if they aren’t with you, then they weren’t meant for you. You have someone even better suited for you in your future.

Even if your best friend just got into a healthy relationship and you have been single your whole life. You can be happy for her without getting into a relationship yourself or being in that same stage of life. You just haven’t met the perfect person yet. God’s sparing you the heartbreak.

Even if you feel like everyone else in the world has their person (which they don’t… and if you think about it, you’ll realize you probably are in good company being single) you can still celebrate. You are loved by the most powerful, loving, and faithful being in the universe– God. You don’t have to be loved by some person in order to be cherished, worthy, valuable, and enough. You don’t have to be defined by a relationship. You are God’s precious creation no matter what.

So today, encourage others who you may have been envious of earlier. And I know it’s hard. I struggle with jealousy all the time, so this post is for my own benefit as much as yours. But also realize that there is so much more ahead of you that you can celebrate, and hopefully those same people you’re celebrating right now will be able to join you when it’s your turn in the limelight.

You have such a wonderful future ahead of you, and those storms, doubts, and tough situations are only here to make you stronger. You can do this. I believe in you, and more importantly, God believes in you too.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

    your works are wonderful,

    I know that full well.

Psalm 139:14

Surrender

Don’t let what appears to be a fight with a person sway you from your purpose of loving others.

We all have our weaknesses. Every character, whether an average person or a superhero, has their one flaw (at least one!). That’s one of the most accurate parts of media, I think, is revealing that we are all human whether we like to believe it or not.

The thing is, it’s super easy to pick out someone else’s flaws, but it’s rather difficult to find our own. We don’t like to admit that we’re selfish, inconsiderate, or quick tempered. We don’t want to think that while we’re hurt by others, we are also capable of causing the hurt.

Sometimes God uses people to test us, to see if we are really loving, patient, and kind.

We can show all the compassion and sweetness in the world to the people who don’t push our buttons as easily. We can talk all day about how we are going to spread Jesus’ love when we are surrounded by people we find easy to be kind to.

But when that person comes around who always just says the wrong thing? That thing that makes you want to escape yourself and silence them. Perhaps it’s a family member or a friend. Maybe this person isn’t even that close to you, yet you must see them on a regular basis.

We all have that person who just gets under our skin and tests us.

I recently have felt surrounded by people who have in the past and are currently just driving me crazy. But this time, I’m realizing that perhaps it’s because I’m letting them.

I’m letting my temper get away from me. I’m letting my feelings of bitterness overwhelm God’s voice in my life.

Today’s sermon from my church was about Jesus being kind and healing the daughter of a woman from a community that had, in the past, been against His own. Yet, Jesus was impressed by her faith and used her as an example to His own community for what true faith should look like.

God can use anyone for His glory, even the people that get on our nerves.

And chances are, He’s even using them to change you, too.

Perhaps God is convicting you of these hard feelings you have against them. Or maybe it’s your own personality flaw that needs to get worked on.

I know I have so many things I struggle with and sometimes these people are testing me to see if I will fall back on my old ways of living.

Don’t let the enemy win. That’s who you are really in a battle against, not your friend, or family member, or neighbor. No. It’s the enemy trying to get you to falter.

Don’t give him that satisfaction.

Instead, let these people help you grow into a patient, truly loving person, who God is so proud of.

I know you can do this. Let God’s voice speak into your life, whether it is something you may not have wanted to hear, like conviction, or something to encourage you.

Today is the first day of the future for you. No need to turn back. You can start fresh today.

Today you can finally surrender those feelings of resentment, that annoyance you feel towards that person, or persons.

I am praying that you can get through this. God is with you.

Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?

Matthew 7:3-4

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

Romans 8:37