Category: Relationships

The Arch of God’s Love

Life is more than a cycle.

So often, life can just feel like a cycle.

Brush, rinse, wash, repeat. Meet-cute, fall in love, break up, repeat. Feel lonely, make friends, get heartbroken, repeat.

Even life itself: Born, struggle, succeed, decline, die, onto the next.

But is that really life?

For the past few years, I’ve been caught up seeing life as a cycle. It’s more draining making friends after knowing how quickly you can lose them. It’s harder to take initiative after being rejected.

Perhaps you can relate. The worst is when you pray, God answers the prayer, and then the thing you feared happens anyway. False hope cuts deeper than no hope at all.

But maybe what we’re feeling isn’t false hope. Maybe we have our hope placed in the outcome more than in who gives us hope.

This week, I was reminded of the story of Elijah and the widow. He meets the widow and her son during a drought when they are preparing their last meal in anticipation of their greatest fear: death. But miraculously, God provides them with enough food to survive!

But then…her son dies anyway.

Arguably, the widow is distressed. Why would God save them just to have her son die shortly after? He’s all she has, or so she thinks. What good is life without him? And what kind of God would allow this?

When we have a pressing need, it’s easy to become obsessed with it. Perhaps it’s a person in our lives who seems like a miracle, just to be taken away from us. Or maybe it’s an opportunity that would bring so much joy, only to fall through. It could even be a physical need, such as a place to live, food on the table, or enough money to make it through the month.

All these things that feel like necessities. That are necessities when living in this world.

When the woman cries out to God, He hears her. Through Elijah, God is able to bring her son back to life. And through this heart-wrenching experience, she can finally proclaim, “Now I know that you (Elijah) are a man of God and that the word of the Lord from your mouth is the truth” (1 Kings 17:24).

Now. Now I can see. Now I know that You hear me.

It took not a cycle of God’s love coming and going. It took an arch of belief. Starting off helpless, going on a journey towards trusting God fully, and ending with the knowledge that God loves without fail.

Maybe the “son” in your story has already died. Maybe it feels like God was too late.

But I promise that God is using everything in your life to bring you back to His love. Through hardship and heartache, God is right there, protecting you from things you couldn’t even imagine.

God wants you to turn to Him when you feel yourself sinking in despair, loneliness, or confusion. He doesn’t want you to be alone. Through it all, you will never be alone. ❤

For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord.

Romans 14:7-8

Living in a Graceless World

Do you feel exhausted living in a world that assumes?

Connected even when apart, whether through mobile devices, social media, or even tracking apps, why are we (GenZers) considered the loneliest generation?

Whether or not you are part of this generation, our world continues to feel isolated even as COVID restrictions relax and people start getting out in the world again.

Perhaps it’s because “connection” no longer means meaningful conversations, getting to know one another on a deeper level, or the start of a friendship. Rather, connection has grown cold. A mere point of contact.

I am part of a social media community that began as a way for people with similar hobbies to encourage and help each other develop photography skills. However, now it has become a place where anyone who even likes or follows the “wrong” or “cancelled” person will be the next kicked out. While this is done out of hurt feelings, or perhaps even fear of being “exposed” themselves, it has destroyed a space that used to bring joy to many.

While internet relationships are often blamed, we are just as inclined to judge people quickly when face-to-face, including in communities of Christ-followers.

While participating in ministry, I have sadly witnessed many otherwise loving and God-honoring leaders turn on each other over issues that could’ve been resolved in a polite and respectful manner. One preference leads to a series of assumptions that are often untrue or speak nothing of a person’s character and capabilities.

Our society prides itself on how much better we are than previous eras in history. We are so much more informed and aware now.

But are we really better? Or are the same traps our ancestors fell into the ones we are encountering today?

The stereotypes we create for people aren’t the same as in the past (which is a step in the right direction), yet we still make assumptions about people, particularly because we often don’t take the time to fully get to know the people in our communities.

It is wonderful that we now have the opportunity to make friends from around the world, yet this gift needs to be handled with wisdom. How can we rationalize “exposing” someone on the Internet if we don’t even know their real name or anything about their history? How can we convince ourselves that we are loving when we remove someone from our lives over a difference of opinion?

The truth is, opinions (yes, even the ones that feel like so much more than that) will change. People, when given the opportunity and environment, will grow.

Put yourself in your childhood shoes. If your teacher yelled and screamed at you, then forced you out of the classroom if you didn’t get the answer they were hoping for, would you actually learn anything except that you didn’t want to be near the teacher? Probably not.

But if your teacher listened to your ideas, even if they were misguided, and respected you as a person while explaining another approach, you would likely remember the lesson and desire to come back the next day.

Jesus is the best teacher of all. He listens to us, even though all of us, with our minds combined, could never compare to His wisdom and knowledge. Yet He loves us, and as He helps us become the best people we can be, allows us to make mistakes and ask for forgiveness.

Grace is Jesus’ never-ending gift for us. If we can sprinkle a little of that grace within our lives, imagine the healing it would bring. ❤

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.

Ephesians 2:8-9

In the same way, the gospel is bearing fruit and growing throughout the whole world—just as it has been doing among you since the day you heard it and truly understood God’s grace.

Colossians 1:6

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

Colossians 4:6

The Key to Dealing with Annoying People

Advice for reorienting frustrating relationships.

We’ve all got that person. Maybe several.

The one who pushes our buttons, rubs us the wrong way, and makes us second guess whether or not Jesus really knew what He was talking about when He said we have to love everybody. Surely Jesus hasn’t met this person, right?

I have many “button-pushers” in my life, so I completely understand where you’re at. In fact, trying to be “nice” to these people is something that’s been really hard for me recently.

Many devotionals will tell you to just remember how much Jesus loves them, and you should too. But that’s not really practical, is it?

For me, the thing that helps me deal with irritating people the most is random acts of kindness.

Not “killing them with kindness” in a performative, superficial way that ends up in resentment. Rather, just one simple act as a reminder that they are human and so are you.

Perhaps one act will lead to another and you’ll find yourself a much more patient, generous, and compassionate person. Or maybe it will end at one, but even kind deed can change someone’s life.

We all make mistakes. We won’t get along with everyone. But these tiny things can add up to make big changes in the most difficult of relationships.

The truth is, we really don’t know what’s going on in another person’s life. Maybe this act of kindness will soften their rough edges or improve your relationship. Or maybe it won’t and things will feel the same.

But you won’t ever have to regret showing them God’s love. You will have peace knowing that you did the right thing and someday maybe they’ll see that.

And above all, pray for them. It might not seem like it will make a difference, but I promise you, putting all your difficulties into Jesus’ hands is the best way to find wisdom and grace.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds,  because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.

James 1:2-3

The Freedom of Being Wrong

What if being wrong can bring us closer to God?

People hate being wrong.

I’m sure that’s pretty obvious, but the issue is that our society doesn’t seem to see this as a problem. Yet it is because our pride separates us from loving each other and God.

While we’d like to believe that no one can be wrong, the world wouldn’t work if that were true. There is only one who is always right, and that would be Jesus.

It’s to our benefit that Jesus is always right, especially because we are often wrong. Thanks to Jesus knowing best, we can live in peace and comfort because we are forgiven and taken care of. We can be reminded that we are loved and valued, even when others don’t treat us that way, because only Jesus’ opinion of us matters.

But yet our sinful desires often tell us that it would be better if we were right. Yet we don’t know the future. We don’t know the impact our decisions will make. We don’t know whether or not something will actually help us. We would be helpless without God’s help.

When we pretend like we are right all the time, we are harming three important relationships:

  1. Our relationship with God
  2. Our relationship with others
  3. Our relationship with ourselves

We act like we are above God (hint: we aren’t) when we pretend that we know more than He does. Like we, mere specks, could possibly have a better plan than the Creator of the Universe.

When we think we are always right, we never take ownership for our mistakes. That causes others to feel hurt and confused by our actions. We will quickly lose important relationships that way, and surely people won’t feel the love of God from us.

And when we believe we are always right, we give ourselves a false sense of security, when the truth is, we know very little. So when we finally recognize that we’ve made a mistake, we feel like failures, utterly useless and worthless.

But when we recognize that we are wrong sometimes, then when we do make a mistake, we can be proactive in repenting and be reminded that we don’t have to feel ashamed because we are covered in God’s grace.

So what’s the best way to handle this problem? Not picking out other people’s faults, but focusing on how to change your own outlook. Not living in shame, but praising God for the ways He is working within your life to make you the best person you can possibly be.

Remember, accepting being wrong is actually a gift. It frees you from having the expectation of always needing to be right.

You are loved and cherished no matter what ❤

Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in them. For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but whoever does the will of God lives forever.

1 John 2:15-17

Appreciating Each Other

A pressing reminder when we are tempted to take others for granted.

For many, a story is a story by the way everything gets wrapped up all nice and pretty, like a Christmas present. The characters are happy by the end, fully changed, incapable of any further harm. We are satisfied.

But in life, we don’t often get closure, do we? We say goodbye without even knowing it. We walk past someone for the last time without a second thought. We think we are friends until we’re not.

Recently, I’ve been reminded of the bitter truth that we never know how long we’re going to have with someone.

Why would God allow that?

Honestly, I don’t know. In the wake of a sudden loss, an unexpected diagnosis, and/or division among those once close, it can be hard to make sense of God’s greater plan within all of it.

My best guess is that we are more motivated to be kind and grateful to those in our lives when we remember that we aren’t in control of how long we’ll have them around.

In Mere Christianity, C.S. Lewis remarks that, by being made in the image of God, the next closest thing to be with God Himself is when we are among other humans. Now did that put a spin on the way I saw the people who annoy me!

We aren’t perfect and we shouldn’t beat ourselves up over being irritated at people or needing alone time. But we should always hold these things close to our hearts when we interact with people.

We really don’t know when the last time will be. We don’t know the full story. We just know that God has placed His creation in our lives for a time, and we can choose to be blessed by them.

Today, I challenge us both to look at the people in our lives with new appreciation. When was the last time you told your loved ones how much they mean to you? Have you seen the people in your life as a gift, rather than a burden?

Going further, to the people who you don’t agree with or rub you the wrong way, how can you still appreciate them? You might think you want them out of your life, and that time may come, but perhaps there is a reason why they are here now.

You are loved and treasured, no matter if others recognize it or not. If no one has taken the time to appreciate you today, I will. You are God’s special creation, designed for incredible things. It is not to late for you to heal and flourish. ❤

Therefore since we are God’s offspring, we should not think that the divine being is like gold or silver or stone—an image made by human design and skill.

Acts 17:29

Don’t Be a Mean Enemy

Why should we listen to Jesus’ commandment to love our enemies?

It’s easy to be nice to people who are nice to us.

But every enemy was once a friend, or at least in a proximity close enough to you to have hurt on either side from the falling out.

I’m sure you’ve seen this most often when a couple breaks up and starts posting nasty things about each other online. Soon, you begin to wonder what they even saw in each other in the first place! Or when two close friends or family members break ties, then it’s as though you can’t speak of them again.

So what happens when it isn’t so easy to be nice anymore?

Our culture would tell us to get them back or, at the very least, snub them. They need to PAY for what they did!

But I’d like to offer a new piece of advice, or really a not-so-new piece of advice that Jesus first gave that goes against our human nature.

Let’s love our enemies and pray for those who hurt us (Matthew 5:43-44).

But why? Why should we listen to such a hard commandment?

Here are a few reasons that help me when I struggle (which is often) with being kind to difficult (and even hurtful) people in my life.

We don’t know what’s going on for real.

When we are angry at someone, it’s easy to assume the worst. But the truth is, a lot of times falling outs or unkind words aren’t really about us. They are about something else that is fogging up the other person’s vision that could be hurting them or making them lash out. This isn’t an excuse for mean behavior, but it does remind us to extend them grace.

We may have a part to play in the situation.

Now, this certainly isn’t to victim blame. There are many times when we are hurt by someone who is trying to execute power over us and it isn’t our fault when we are wounded by them.

This advice is for when you don’t want to take responsibility for a difficult relationship even though you may not have been the easiest person either. We enjoy blaming others when we know deep down that there’s something in us that needs fixing too.

But the best path to healing is forgiveness. Having enough grace and humility to admit our mistakes and not let them define us, and also extending that mercy to others.

We have been forgiven for far more than we could ever forgive someone else.

It’s important to remember who is telling us to love our enemies: Jesus. Every time we sin, we hurt Jesus, acting like an enemy to Him.

But Jesus loves us anyway and paid the ultimate price to be in relationship with us. He knows what it’s like to forgive something so painful, a true betrayal, and still love anyway.

Whenever we get the chance to forgive someone, it’s an opportunity to grow closer to Jesus and feel grateful for His sacrifice.

We look rather ridiculous holding a grudge.

Sorry to be direct, but it’s true, isn’t it? We all roll our eyes when someone goes on and on about their issues with someone, and yet we are just as inclined to act the same way. I know I have, and likely will again in the future.

But there’s always time for a fresh start. Even just the effort of being more considerate with your words and actions towards someone you don’t like will make it harder to be unkind to them in the future. Allow yourself to process the pain and anger without acting in impulse.

Then you’ll never have a regret, and you just might find yourself with a friend again 🙂

But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.

Luke 6:27-28

The Root of Resentment

What if the root cause of anger is really pain?

I could feel myself drifting before I knew why.

We were good friends. The best of friends, even. And yet I was becoming more and more resentful of the “perfect life” I thought she was leading.

Slowly, minor things she’d say would sting deep into my heart. I was *this close* to ending our friendship, if there’s even a way to formally end a friendship. (They say breaking up with a friend is harder than a significant other, and I wholeheartedly agree)

But then a mentor in my life told me something that stopped me dead in my tracks:

“We often resent those who we are lacking something from.”

In that moment, I realized that I wasn’t really mad at my friend. I was hurt because I felt like she didn’t need me anymore. That her life was suddenly better than mine.

And I was wrong.

If you are in that place in a friendship, I encourage you to do one thing. It might seem small (yet difficult, given how you are feeling right now), but it could save your relationship.

Reach out and ask them how they are doing. How they are doing really.

No “I’m fine” or “I’m pretty good”. The full story is the only way to realize that perhaps you have misjudged a few things. Maybe they aren’t living it up while you’re left behind. Maybe they still want you after all and were waiting for you to reach out.

And taking this action will remind both of you why you are friends in the first place: Because you care about each other!

The root cause of anger is not rage or injustice. I believe it is pure pain.

When we are hurt by someone, we don’t want to feel weak or overpowered by them. We want to feel stronger, and anger makes us feel powerful.

You are powerful when you are angry. It isn’t wrong to be angry, but it’s important to not let your anger control you.

Evaluate the situations in which you feel particularly frustrated. Has someone made you feel less than your true worth? Or have you been used in an unfair way that has left you ashamed or desperate?

You aren’t weak for being hurt. You aren’t weak for wanting people to notice you or love you or make you feel like you belong. It’s only human nature.

The truth is, we are unfortunately often unaware of how we affect others. We don’t realize how people long for those fulfillments from us. And it’s not our job to fill everyone’s needs.

But that also means we can’t expect people to define us or make us feel our true worth.

The good news is that we don’t need people to do that, either. We have someone ready and waiting to love us to the fullest extent: God.

God’s love surpasses all pain, disappointment, and despair that has been overpowering your life. You are free from the chains of guilt or betrayal. God will never leave you nor forsake you. God loves you more than words can describe and He’s waiting for you to accept His perfect gift.

So why not take the time today to reach out to God and to that person in your life who you’ve been envious of? You’re bound for a surprise, hopefully one that makes you feel encouraged.

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

1 Thessalonians 5:11

Embrace, Not Tolerate

As disciples of Jesus, we are called to a higher form of love.

            These days, the nicest thing you can do for someone is tolerate them. We are told over and over again as we grow up that we need to create a world that is centered around inclusivity and tolerance. While I fully support inclusivity, I have a huge issue with the word “tolerance”.

            According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, when referring to relationships, the definition of tolerate is this: “To put up with.” Not to love, not to help, not to show empathy. Just to “put up with” them.

            If we want to follow Jesus’ example, toleration isn’t the way to respond. Jesus included people from all walks of life: little children, outcasts, disgraced individuals, and regular folks. He invited them all to the table, encouraging them to abandon the ways of the world and commit themselves to being His disciples.

            This wasn’t an easy invitation. It required sacrifice, diligence, and compassion, even for enemies. Yet this invitation is still extended to us today.

            Within that invitation, Jesus doesn’t ask us to mutter under our breath as we allow certain members of society into the hallways of our churches. He doesn’t tell us to force a smile and pretend like people haven’t done wrong. Jesus commands us to love one another as He has loved us.

            That means recognizing our faults, but looking past them to the heart of the real person inside, essentially unconditional love. A warm embrace after an epic mishap. A tender smile after an embarrassing moment. A gently worded piece of advice after we make the wrong choice.

            After being with Jesus, we are changed forever. We won’t want to sin anymore. We won’t want to be the same people we used to be. But that doesn’t come from Jesus denying our past lives or giving us angry reprimands. Instead, Jesus helps us to address the root of our pain and guides us on the path to deeper healing.

            So how can we extend similar love to others? While we don’t have the power of Jesus, we do have the Holy Spirit working inside us. If we listen and obey what the Holy Spirit tells us to do, whether that’s reaching out to an isolated person or volunteering to restore people’s lives, we will be able to see where our gifts are most needed.

            Most of all, we can let go of mere tolerance and instead warmly embrace the people God places in our lives, no matter what stage of life they are in. We can go one step further than putting up with people. We can point them to the grace and truth of Jesus Christ, the only one who can truly save them.

            Today, be intentional about how you interact with others. See where God might be calling you to more. And who knows? Your life may change forever too.

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.

John 13:34-35

What Should Our First Priority Be in Ministry?

Though there should be many goals in ministry, one aspect must come first.

Though I’ve only recently become an “official” person in ministry (with a job title), I have volunteered for years and participated in and witnessed others’ ministry. And through that, as different pastors or directors have come and go, each with different missions and ideas, one key aspect has remained crucial. If it was there, it caused the church to flourish; if it was lacking, it was painfully missed.

There are many goals and values people in ministry need to have in mind, but I believe there is one thing that must come before everything else.

Our first priority in ministry is to make others feel cared about.

No fancy ways around this, no complicated language to confuse the main goal. Just simply, make others feel cared about.

Now, you might be thinking, “Caring about others is all fine and good, but what about Church doctrine and the scriptures and equipping others?”

Here is where I must clarify: We aren’t supposed to start and end with making people feel cared about, but it must be our starting place if we want any of the other elements of being in a church community to exist.

I’ve heard many stories of people who have left the Church because they didn’t feel noticed or respected or valued. I had my own experiences in youth group, where I dreaded going for fear of feeling isolated or out of place among people who were supposed to be like family.

You can be a nice person while still missing the mark on this quest for being loving. It takes intentional effort, a pure heart, and thoughtfulness to make people truly realize they belong.

Ultimately, it means embodying (in our own humanly way) the love of Christ.

Regarding the concept that our first priority of the Church should be preaching the gospel, I believe we are preaching the gospel when we demonstrate the key characteristics of the one we serve–Jesus, and giving Him all the glory. Furthermore, Christianity is based on obeying God, but the only reason we want to obey God is because of His love for us. What motive would we have for submission to His will if we didn’t have His love?

The only way to get the Church to go out into all the world and preach the good news is to infuse its members with the kind of love and compassion Jesus brought us.

This doesn’t mean we shouldn’t hold people accountable or sugarcoat the truth of God’s word. Rather, the truth is better received when coming from a loving, caring heart. When we take the time to understand God’s word for ourselves, we’ll be better at bringing its attributes into our lives.

Today, whether you serve in a church or not, you have the opportunity to show God’s love to the people in your community. This doesn’t have to be as complicated as it seems. Allow yourself to soak in Jesus’ unfailing love for you and extend that patience, forgiveness, and understanding to others. Simple acts of kindness, remembrance, and grace make all the difference.

This won’t be easy or natural at first, but over time, it will become a part of who you are. And in doing so, you become more like Jesus, which is the most wonderful thing you can ever do. ❤

Show them what you’re made of, the love I’ve been talking up in the churches. Let them see it for themselves!

2 Corinthians 8:24 (MSG)

United in Christ

How do our presumptions about others hinder our witness for Christ?

Let me describe someone for you.

There’s a person here on Earth who has faced many trials, yet also many joys. This person breathes the same air as you, watches the sun come up each morning, and the stars as they dot the night sky. They have been created in the image of God and have a divine purpose.

You probably like this person, right? Or at least feel indifferent about them?

That’s because I haven’t really told you anything about this person. You don’t know what they look like, what their beliefs are, or even where they come from. All you can see is this person’s humanity.

Now, what if I told you a few basics about this person? Perhaps if I told you their age or gender, it would elicit a few new perceptions about them. If I said they are five, you might smile. If I said this person is a man, you might picture someone who has either hurt you or brought you great joy.

With only a few basic characteristics, not even about the person itself, you already have assumptions about who they are.

Let’s dive even further. Say this person has spiky pink hair and several visible tattoos. Or maybe they wear torn, dirty clothes and no shoes. Maybe they have on a crisp business suit and sparkling blue eyes. Your mind is swirling with opinions about person, perhaps even an imaginary backstory.

And I haven’t given you a single detail of their personality or lifestyle or beliefs.

Imagine if I told you this person has the opposite political beliefs as you? Or maybe that they disagree with your faith or have a career you don’t respect?

Chances are, at least one of the qualities I’ve listed above would be a turn-off for you. And I don’t blame you, it’s part of our human nature to judge others.

But does that make it right?

Every single human being, regardless of their appearance, personality, or beliefs, has one thing in common: they are made in the image of God.

Going further, within the body of Christ, we have even more in common. We are united through the Holy Spirit. But what does that mean going forward?

First of all, it means that we don’t have an excuse to judge others, especially other Christians, without knowing the full story. Sure, we can’t help our subconscious thoughts, but we can take those thoughts captive and not allow them to influence our care and concern for others.

What if we saw everyone–regardless of their beliefs, the issues we disagree with them on, or anything that normally defines a person for us–as a fellow human being? What if we thought of everyone the way we did in my first description?

Think back to how you imagined that person. Another person like you with an extraordinary purpose too.

And what if that mindset influences the way you treat the people around you? That can only bring about beauty, I’m sure of it.

That is what it takes to foster intentional, compassionate community, and bring the love of Jesus on Earth. It takes seeing people as real, honest human beings.

I’ll leave you with one final story.

Last year, I asked a friend to pray for someone in my Bible study dealing with a difficult diagnosis. Unknown to either of them, they held the opposite political views as each other. All my friend knew about the person she was praying for was that she had pressing needs, also believed in Jesus, and deserved prayer.

I can’t help but wonder if her prayers wouldn’t have been as earnest and her concern so genuine if she knew of their differences. Would the person in need be any less deserving of prayer?

How often do we allow our disagreements and differences come before our call as followers of Christ? Our call to love everyone–yes, even the haters, the unjust, the ungodly–and present the truth of the gospel to the world. We all have the capability of being that way, even if we don’t want to admit it.

Yet Jesus saw us all as deserving of salvation and more importantly, His love. The least we can do is treat others as deserving too.

And trust me, this new mindset can make all the difference in the world. ❤

My goal is that they may be encouraged in heart and united in love, so that they may have the full riches of complete understanding, in order that they may know the mystery of God, namely, Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge.

Colossians 2:2-3