God's love – Page 2 – The Will to Wake Up

Choosing a Life of Purpose

What difference does living a life with Jesus make?

When we consider whether or not to believe in Jesus, essentially dedicating our lives to following Him, we are often motivated by the end goal: an eternity in Heaven with Him. Though eternity is certainly far longer than our earthly lives, it’s important to remember the present reasons for why we should start our relationship with Him now.

But what difference does living our earthly lives with Jesus really make?

I’ve been trying to figure out the best analogy to answer this question for a long time, and it finally came to me this morning. I hope it resonates with you as it did with me.

As some of you may know, I work part-time as an assistant horseback riding teacher. During a lesson yesterday, we were talking about a beautiful, festive merry-go-round in the city nearby. When my boss asked one of the kids whether she’d want to ride it, she responded, “Why would I want to ride that merry-go-round when I’m riding a real horse right now?”

This question stuck with me throughout the night and with careful contemplation, I realized its relevant imagery in understanding the difference between a life with and without Jesus.

A life without Jesus is similar to riding a merry-go-round. It may not be harmful — in fact, it could even be fun for a while. Pretty lights, lots of choices in stead (a unicorn or cat anyone?), and chipper music. However, after a while, you’re bound to realize you’ve just been going around in circles without a clear destination.

Depth lacks in this life as well. You can’t build a relationship with your metal horse. Your purpose for being on the ride is limited to mere enjoyment, temporary pleasures. And once you realize you aren’t going anywhere, you’ll feel stagnant and purposeless.

However, a life with Jesus could be compared to riding a real horse. Anyone who has been around horses knows that the bond between the rider and horse relies on trust, vulnerability, and courage. But most of all, love.

There is nothing quite like the relationship between horse and rider. They often understand each other on a deeper emotional level than even humans can perceive each other.

And the options of what to do with your horse are boundless too. They may help you get where you need to go or provide an opportunity to exercise. Horses have a knack for developing character as well. Even if you’re just riding for pleasure, there are natural benefits that come from spending time with horses.

Of course, riding a real horse comes with more risks than riding on a merry-go-round. You could fall off or get injured. You often don’t know what to expect, though the longer you spend with a horse, the less surprising rides become. But aren’t the risks worth it when the reward is developing a more intimate relationship and living a more fulfilling life?

Some may say no. They may prefer the life with limits. For believers, all we can do in that situation is show them love and pray that someday they will be stirred towards venturing beyond their comfort zones.

The real question is, what really matters to you? Are you willing to climb onto a real horse and embrace the unknowns that follow?

The beauty is that Jesus doesn’t want us to go on this journey alone. We can ask Him to give us the strength, courage, and vulnerability to overcome all the obstacles in our paths. Jesus loves you far more than anyone (even your favorite pet) can love you, and He understands you to a depth you can’t even comprehend.

Today, even if you have already made the decision to follow Him, still consider whether you truly trust your life in Jesus’ hands. I hope that this reflection reminds you that even though there are many frightening things in this broken world, Jesus will guide you and comfort you through it all. He is worthy of our trust.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13 (NIV)

They said to him, “Just who are you anyway?”

Jesus said, “What I’ve said from the start. I have so many things to say that concern you, judgments to make that affect you, but if you don’t accept the trustworthiness of the One who commanded my words and acts, none of it matters. That is who you are questioning—not me but the One who sent me.”

They still didn’t get it, didn’t realize that he was referring to the Father. So Jesus tried again. “When you raise up the Son of Man, then you will know who I am—that I’m not making this up, but speaking only what the Father taught me. The One who sent me stays with me. He doesn’t abandon me. He sees how much joy I take in pleasing him.”
John 8:25-29 (MSG)

Finding Our Value Again

Do you feel lost in your faith?

Have you ever lost something so valuable to you, you were willing to do anything to find it?

As a collector, I lose little pieces all the time. Often, it’s because I’ve forgotten about a piece until I need it for creating something new. In the book of Luke, Jesus tells the story of a woman who has a special coin she’s lost. She’s willing to tear her whole house apart in order to find it. When she does, she calls all her friends and neighbors over to party!

While I cherish my collection and this woman clearly adored her coin, Jesus loves us even more than we could love anything. He doesn’t forget about us. He doesn’t go searching for us only when He could use our assistance. He is constantly in pursuit of us.

However, he isn’t aggressive or pushy, as the word “pursuit” might suggest. He isn’t that guy who calls you nonstop or follows you around until you agree to go out with him. Jesus waits patiently for us to realize how much we need Him.

We are nothing without Jesus. We have to believe this before we can truly realize the value our relationship with Him. Because of His gracious love, we are worth everything to Him, the only one who is worth anything on His own.

Today, I encourage you to wander back to Jesus in whatever form that looks for you. Perhaps it’s joining a faith community or starting a Bible study. Maybe it’s carving time out of your day to be with God. Or it could even be accepting Jesus into your heart for the first time!

Jesus rejoices whenever we come back to Him and I promise He is waiting with open arms to wrap you in His love. ❤

“Or suppose a woman has ten silver coins and loses one. Doesn’t she light a lamp, sweep the house and search carefully until she finds it? ⁹And when she finds it, she calls her friends and neighbors together and says, ‘Rejoice with me; I have found my lost coin.’ ¹⁰In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents.”
Luke 15:8-10

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.
Galatians 2:20

Brokenness Redeemed

Your story matters. Through this post, I hope to inspire you with mine.

Do you believe your story matters?

For the longest time, I didn’t believe mine did. Until I stood up on stage in front of a hundred or so people who had watched me grow up, but never really knew me, and shared my testimony.

It’s been over four years since that faithful day. A day that Jesus used to redeem my story. Recently, I read the story of the woman at the well. If you’re unfamiliar with it, it’s another story of redemption and testimonies. In Jesus’ interaction with this woman, she reveals the brokenest parts of her story as a witness to Jesus’ identity as our Lord and Savior. This causes the people of her town, who likely had rejected her because of her brokenness, to come to believe. Her story brought them to Jesus, who then transformed each person to make their faith their own.

After rereading this passage, I felt inspired to share my new testimony. After all, a lot has happened in four years. Our stories are constantly being written.

But after two hours of writing, I realized I had eight pages — with much more to go — of stories from my past. I believe that remembering what Jesus has done for us is important, but sometimes focusing solely on the past undermines what He is doing in the present. It also makes it seem like we are fully healed at the end of our testimony, when in reality I know I still have much more healing to go.

So today I will share a piece of my story that is still being unwoven. I hope through this that you may feel inspired to share your story, and at the very least, know that your story has immense value.

Broken, but healing

Growing up as an only child, I often had to prove how “unselfish” I was to combat the misbelief that all only children are spoiled brats (though rest assured, I’ve met plenty of them). To be honest, I wasn’t a completely pure hearted kid. I struggled to share my toys, I didn’t want to invite over kids who weren’t in my closest circle, and I preferred receiving over giving.

I don’t believe those traits necessarily came from being an only child, but perhaps resulted more from being a child in a comfortable home. If there’s one thing I’ve learned about being a follower of Christ, it’s that we are thrown out of our comfort zones in order to change.

In order to protect myself from being misjudged, I built walls to block away the influence of others. However, these walls didn’t stop me from being hurt when others were unkind, and instead they filtered out all hints of criticism, including words meant to help me grow.

These walls came crashing down in the middle of my high school career when I felt utterly alone. I thought I had lost the people who meant the most to me. I did everything I could to be lovable — including giving much of what I had, monetarily and emotionally. But the person whom I believed I loved the most just couldn’t love me back.

Through various situations outside of my control, (a car accident, grief, rejection, and of course the pandemic), God drew me close to Him. By removing everything else I could rely on, He made me realize that He is the only one with the strength to protect my heart.

However, my definition of protection wasn’t entirely the same as God’s.

I entered college ready for something new after a summer of loss and self-doubt. But my fresh start ended up being another season of heartbreak and chaos when I unexpectedly had to move out of a toxic rooming situation. Many of the connections I had built quickly withered away.

A lie that had been pounding in my heart seeped its way out:

You are not lovable. You are meant to be alone.

I tried to combat this lie by building up more walls, including distancing myself from the people who really did love me, and believing that taking an alternative route with college made me a failure.

However, by now I knew the truth that I could not do this on my own. My walls shook with each panic attack. Now my weakness was visible to everyone.

God placed several people in my life, ones who embraced me and filled my heart with His love. God took me across the globe to remind me that I have gifts that need to be shared with others.

Though strengthened, I didn’t feel truly healed. Through counseling, setting boundaries, and prayer journaling, my anxiety lessened and the visible symptoms of my brokenness were much less obvious. But sometimes that feels worse, when we wonder why we feel so empty despite looking whole.

It wasn’t until last August, on the day I quit my job — an act that required trust in God to provide for me — that I finally understood my role in the healing process.

Surrendering to God.

The moment of my first surrender remains so clear for me. I was loading the dishwasher, a Spotify playlist put together by the lovely women in my Bible study humming in the background. And then “I Surrender” began to play and without even knowing the words, I sang my heart out, trusting each verse more with every repetition.

I was carried by the strength of this act — no actually, the vulnerability. I had focused so much on the strength and power of God that I forgot what true strength looks like: being open, honest, and even broken before Him.

Since then, I have learned that surrendering to God is a daily act of trust. It isn’t a one-time thing or a quick-fix solution. It’s the hardest thing we can do, apart our biggest requirement as Christians.

Love others as Jesus would love them.

But you can’t love others until you are filled with a new truth, a truth that I am still in the process of embracing:

You are lovable. You are more loved than you can ever imagine. You can’t love others well until you accept that you belong in the family of God and His love for you will carry you through all your days.

I thought that protecting my heart meant shielding it from loving others. However, withholding God’s love in this way is the most selfish act we can ever do. God’s way of protecting my heart wasn’t keeping it from heartbreak, but rather filling it with His love so that it doesn’t have to break when I share my love freely.

Side note: This isn’t to say you should stay in relationships that aren’t loving. When you accept God’s love, it means you love yourself too. Boundaries can be a huge act of love because they stop us from enabling others, prompting them to be open to changing for the better.

When we love wholeheartedly as Jesus would, it means our love isn’t dependent on the actions and responses of the people we love. It doesn’t have to be when we are fueled by God’s everlasting love rather than human validation.

We are free to love without regrets.

I am still in the process of untethering my heart from the enemy’s lies and anchoring it in God’s truth. I hope that you are on this journey as well in knowing that you are truly loved and that love is meant to be shared with the world.

Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony, “He told me everything I ever did.” ⁴⁰So when the Samaritans came to him, they urged him to stay with them, and he stayed two days. ⁴¹And because of his words many more became believers.

⁴²They said to the woman, “We no longer believe just because of what you said; now we have heard for ourselves, and we know that this man really is the Savior of the world.”
John 4:39-42

Home

Hope for when home feels out of reach.

What does the word “home” bring to mind?

Perhaps feelings of comfort and coziness or memories of family and friends. Though it may also conjure up feelings of loneliness and disappointment, or even uncertainty and despair.

Do you currently have a place you call home? Maybe your basic needs are met, but you don’t feel nurtured or attached to where you live. Or perhaps you are in a nomadic season, seeking out this place that feels so far out of reach.

As a person in my early 20’s, I am living out a crucial period where my peers and I are exploring what home means to us. When you don’t have a permanent place to call home, people often give the advice that “home” is not a building but a sense or a group that makes you feel at home.

Shifting gears for a moment, many of us who grew up attending Sunday School have heard or even acted out the parable of the two builders. One builds his house on sand while the other uses a solid foundation, rock. However, for the first time, a key element of this story stood out to me today.

Let’s read the passage together:

As for everyone who comes to me and hears my words and puts them into practice, I [Jesus] will show you what they are like. ⁴⁸They are like a man building a house, who dug down deep and laid the foundation on rock. When a flood came, the torrent struck that house but could not shake it, because it was well built. ⁴⁹But the one who hears my words and does not put them into practice is like a man who built a house on the ground without a foundation. The moment the torrent struck that house, it collapsed and its destruction was complete.
Luke 6:47-49 (NIV)

These men weren’t constructing just any old building. They were building a house, a home likely for them and their families.

We are, in many ways, like these builders, especially if we are seeking out a sense of home. We crave consistency, comfort, and peace in a chaotic world.

When we place our sense of home in a group of people, even family, or in a specific place or building, we are likely going to be disappointed or hurt. People are susceptible to brokenness and can never be healthy 100% of the time. Natural disasters or violent outside forces have a way of shaking up the faith we place in earthly foundations.

But Jesus, He will never change. Jesus is pretty clear that He is the reason why the house built on rock flourishes through every storm that comes its way. He remains steady and faithful, our source of courage, strength, and comfort throughout any storm.

I’m certainly not trying to bash you for having attachments to people and places. In fact, I think it’s a wonderful sign of living out God’s call for intentional community and hospitality when we are able to grow alongside others and appreciate the gifts God has given us, such as a place to call home.

This simple reminder that Jesus is our home is meant to give you hope for the inevitable moments of loneliness and instability that come your way. Jesus wants to be our home, and this generous gift can be ours when we put our faith and trust in Him. Spend time getting to know Jesus, obey His words, and remain steadfast in faith even when the world teeters on collapsing.

You no longer need to search for home. Home is here with open arms, ready to embrace you and love you better than anyone else ever could. You are never alone. ❤

Lord, You have been the place of comfort for all people of all time. ²Before the mountains were born, before You gave birth to the earth and the world, forever and ever, You are God.
Psalm 90:1-2 (NLV)

Sunflowers and Grace

Our God is a God of grace, and He wants to hear from you.

Who doesn’t love sunflowers? Their bright yellow and deep orange petals instantly bring a smile to my face.

Last week, a friend and I visited a sunflower field — which has been on my bucket-list for a LONG time — and included in our ticket was a free sunflower.

An older woman with a stern smile handed us a pair of shears and reminded us it was just one flower per person.

After having an amazing time weaving — or as some of the pictures might suggest, jumping — through the fields, we hunkered down and honed in on each flower, making sure we picked the best ones.

And then all of a sudden my friend goes, “Um…I don’t have the shears. Do you?”

A new hunt began, this time a bit more stressful. After scanning every row and retracing every footstep, we determined that the shears were missing. We practiced what to say, when to offer to pay for a new pair, wishing we had somehow brought an extra pair of shears with us.

The woman at the stand was waiting when we were finally ready. I expected a lecture, or at the very least an expectation that we’d go back and search some more or pay for what we had lost.

But instead, as my friend explained what happened, the woman’s face softened and she replied, “Oh, don’t worry. They always find lost shears during their night runs.” And she even trusted us with a new pair so that we could claim our precious sunflowers, which now had even more value to us. (In case you were wondering, we didn’t lose the extra pair of shears 🙂 )

This interaction reminded me of what it can be like to approach God after we’ve done something wrong.

It’s so tempting to avoid talking to Him because we’re afraid of His anger or expectations. But God wants to hear from us, and we are often most vulnerable when we admit our mistakes.

In fact, we miss out on many blessings when we don’t come to Him. Just as my friend and I wouldn’t have been able to bring home our beautiful flowers without that woman’s grace, we also miss out on beautiful opportunities when we don’t ask for God’s grace. And God’s grace is limitless.

I also know we never would’ve gone back to that farm if we hadn’t admitted that we lost the shears. The memory of an otherwise fantastic day would’ve been tainted with regret and shame. Our conscience — or rather, the Holy Spirit — is there to help us create a life that’s beautiful to remember, even the hard parts or the times when we mess up.

Going to God with everything on our hearts allows us to have a deeper relationship with Him. We are most able to receive His gifts of mercy, forgiveness, and understanding when we are off our soapboxes and on our knees in prayer, truly needing what only God has to offer.

Growing in our relationship with God is the biggest blessing of all. I hope today, no matter what’s on your heart, you’ll go to God with it all. His grace will meet all your needs.

But [God] said to me,“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. ¹⁰That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Corinthians 12:8-10 (NIV)

Understanding Anger Through a Biblical Lens

Anger has often been misunderstood in faith circles, but what if it can be used in a positive way?

Let’s face it: we all get angry sometimes. And unfortunately, the church hasn’t always been a source of clarity or wisdom when it comes to expressing our anger in a healthy way. The pendulum can swing from complete opposers to anger, claiming even the emotion itself is a sin, to others saying it’s completely justified to be angry and bitter all the time. There are many false beliefs about anger that I’ve grown up with and have had to unlearn as an adult. Let’s take a look at what the Bible actually says about anger.

We will get angry

We are human. Anger is a natural emotion we will experience. Jesus Himself experiences anger several times throughout the gospels, particularly when He witnessed injustice or a lack of love. This is why Paul addresses anger in Ephesians:

If you get angry, do not sin; do not allow the sun to go down on your anger and do not give an opportunity to the devil.
Ephesians 4:26-27

While we shouldn’t suppress our anger, we also need to be careful not to let it justify bitterness. It’s easy to harbor unkind thoughts towards a person who has wronged us. It’s tempting to seek revenge rather than working towards justice in a healthy way. It’s especially easy to let anger skew our vision to the point where we can no longer view another person or group of persons as truly human, made in God’s image.

And the moment we allow bitterness to prevent us from seeing others as God sees them, the devil has the opportunity to turn us away from love.

Anger and Forgiveness

The number one way our relationship with God suffers is when we are unable to experience His forgiveness. God forgives all our sins when we come to Him and repent, but Jesus has strong words about how we must transform from His mercy.

For if you forgive others their offenses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you; but if you do not forgive others their offenses, neither will your Father forgive your offenses.
Matthew 6:14-15

It’s not wrong to be upset, hurt, and even angry when other people wrong us. However, anger isn’t a stagnant state to live in. Anger is a step towards healing. As we process our anger, we need to open our hearts towards forgiving the person who hurt us.

We are not “earning” salvation this way. We are also not expected to instantly forgive someone without working through our hurt feelings. However, this stipulation is in place because as followers of Christ, we must become more like Him. Can any sin against us be greater than the sins God has forgiven of all people?

Ultimately, God knows that bitterness draws us away from others, from Him, and from love. Therefore, by commanding us to forgive, He is helping us live the best life possible.

*Side note: Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. It means not resenting our offenders and being released from the burden of bitterness. Forgiveness also doesn’t mean enabling others to continue to do harm. Giving honest feedback and seeking justice are important actions to take in painful situations and are supported in the Bible. Be sure to do everything out of a heart of love.

The reason why we’re angry matters

Anger actually rages rampant in the gospels, particularly in Jesus’ relationship with the religious leaders (ironic, isn’t it?). However, the source of Jesus’ anger in His relationship with them is different than their anger towards Him.

In one instance, the religious leaders are testing Jesus by asking if He will heal a man with a shriveled hand on the Sabbath, which they deem a sin. Jesus replies, “Is it lawful on the Sabbath to do good or to do evil, to save life or to destroy it?”. The leaders respond with silence. Then, Jesus “look[s] around at them in anger, grieved at the hardness of their hearts,” and restores life to the injured man (Mark 3:4-6).

It’s clear that Jesus’ anger comes from His love for all people. He’s angry that His own beloved children are choosing religious rituals over loving others. He’s frustrated that they still don’t understand. Perhaps He’s upset by the injustices the man with the shriveled hand has experienced. He’s not only angry, but He’s deeply grieved by this situation.

Meanwhile, in this same story (but recorded by a different author), after the man is healed, the religious leaders were “filled with senseless anger and began discussing with one another what they might do to Jesus” (Luke 6:11).

The word for “senseless” in Greek is “ἄνοια”. Additional meanings of this word are “want of understanding”, “folly”, “rashness”, and “madness”.

Their main reason for being angry at Jesus throughout the gospels is their fear of losing control and power. This selfish anger causes them to commit further sin, aiding in the murder of Jesus.

Pride, jealousy, insecurities, and fear often drive our anger. In those circumstances, it’s important to pause before acting and ask ourselves whether we are allowing our anger to cause us to become someone we weren’t created to be.

Anger is powerful

It saddens me that we don’t talk about anger more often in church. It’s not something to be taken lightly or ignored altogether. When we allow anger to control our lives, it often means it’s not from God. It can drive us to hurt others and ourselves.

But anger can also be powerful in a positive way. When we feel anger from God, such as anger about injustice, brokenness in our world, or pain someone is experiencing, we may be more driven to help others or to show empathy. Anger can cause us to care, perhaps in the same way Jesus cares for us, out of deep love.

The next time you feel angry, ask yourself what the seed of this anger is? If it stems from love, perhaps it’s time to act on it. If it stems from bitterness or selfish motives, ask God to help you work through this anger and see the situation in a godly way.

No matter where your anger comes from, bring it to God. He isn’t afraid of your feelings. I believe it even delights Him when we trust Him enough to be vulnerable with our deepest, scariest, and most powerful emotions.

A Renewal of the Mind

Approaching reading the Bible in a reflective light.

In November of 2019, I decided I wanted to try reading the Bible in a year. Fast-forward to now (cough, June 2023, cough) and I have three books left! Starting in Genesis…getting stuck in Leviticus…meandering through the New Testament before circling back to the prophets…I’ve found myself in 2 Chronicles as one of my final books.

To be honest, I wasn’t sure how much I would learn from the Chronicles. One king after another doing the wrong thing, a reminder that only Jesus is the perfect king. Among fascinating stories, I ended up contemplating 2 Chronicles chapter 33 long after I closed my Bible.

In this chapter, we are introduced to an evil king named Manasseh. By evil, I mean he rebuilt all the “high places” designated for worshiping false gods, defiled God’s temple, and even sacrificed his children while practicing divination and witchcraft. Yeah, not exactly a guy I’d want to meet.

While the people followed Manasseh’s detestable practices, God still spoke to them, but they refused to listen. In order to get their attention, God brought the Assyrian army against them, who took Manasseh prisoner and tortured him.

During this experience, Manasseh humbled himself and prayed to God. To my surprised, God listened and allowed Manasseh another chance by bringing him back to Jerusalem. Verse 13 states, “Then Manasseh knew that the Lord is God.”

He ended up living the rest of his days faithful to God and was buried in an honorary location. The rest of God’s people used the high places as a location to worship God rather than their idols.

Stepping away from this chapter left me with a mix of emotions.

First of all, I was pretty upset by Manasseh’s actions. How could humbling himself be worth a second chance? What about his sacrificed children? Don’t they deserve justice?

I also wondered why Manasseh and the Israelites had to go through so much just to come to the revelation that “the Lord is God”. Was it really worth a battle? Being tortured? Are we as humans so prideful that it takes being brutally harmed before we come to understand who God is?

But then I had to take another step back from the situation and reflect on my involvement in this story. Who am I to say that God shouldn’t given Manasseh another chance? Am I really so much better than him? Sure, I don’t participate in witchcraft or kill people, but I sin every day. I have hurt people with my words and actions. I struggle with pride at times. God isn’t always my first priority, even though I know He should be.

And second, how is it that we can so easily make light of the fact that our Lord (the one who listens to us, plans our lives, and loves us dearly) is God?

Just sit with that for a moment. Tell your fear and anxiety to stand down. Think of all the areas of your life where you feel superior. Remember the everyday miracles that have brought you to where you are today.

The Lord, the one who made us and died for us, is God. He is here right now. He is the one in control. Not us. Never us. But that’s okay — perfect, in fact — because God knows so much more than we ever could.

The next time you read the Bible, which I hope is today, I encourage you to open your heart and ask the Spirit to help you notice and hear what God is pointing out to you through the passage. You may be reading a familiar story or a chapter that’s universally seen as dull. But perhaps it doesn’t have to be. After all, we are reading God’s own word.

And that’s not something to be taken lightly either. In fact, that’s one pretty spectacular gift.

For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. ¹³Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.
Hebrews 4:12-13

On Your Mind

You are on God’s mind — sit with that for a minute.

What’s on your mind right now?

Perhaps it’s a comment that stung, a smile from a stranger, or a frustrating work problem. Our minds are complicated swirling pieces of us often running endless laps of thoughts.

On Tuesday, I found myself wrapped up in a negative thought cycle. Snippets of conversations that were hurtful, moments that could’ve used better words, and tones that dug deep under the skin.

After spending too long caught up in these thoughts, I sat down and began to write what I needed to hear rather than what I had heard that day.

It started off specific, such as, “Their reaction doesn’t decide how ‘valid’ your feelings or experiences are”. Then it gradually expanded to broader reminders, such as, “Don’t let the enemy steal your joy” and “This won’t last forever”.

Then yesterday, I had a verse from a worship song pulsing through my brain. “I was on your mind before the world began…” (referring to God).

I spent far too long searching for the name of this song, whose verse was unfortunately too similar to another great hit by Matthew West, not the song in my head.

My persistence paid off when I found it on a playlist created by one of my wonderful, musically inclined friends, conveniently titled “On Your Mind” (but by John Mark Pantana).

While the search was an unproductive use of time, I realized God was trying to get my attention through it. Exploring the meaning of this song and really focusing on the lyrics reminded me of how each detail of our lives is significant to God. Not because He needs us, but because He loves us.

No matter what is plaguing our minds or what other people think about us, we are always on God’s mind. He has always had a plan for us.

It can be scary when someone says they were thinking about us. Usually it means they were worried about us. But sometimes, it just means that they care and enjoy thinking about us.

When God says we’re on His mind, it is out of a place of deep love and affection. Learning from our mistakes, taking steps of growth, and tending to our brothers and sisters causes God to delight in us.

What do you need to hear today? What might God be whispering in your ear?

I challenge you to take the time to be still and listen. Often God’s voice is in the gentle breeze covered by the roaring wind.

For I know the thoughts I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
Jeremiah 29:11

Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed. And in Your book they all were written, the days fashioned for me, when as yet there were none of them. How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God! How great is the sum of them!
Psalm 139:16-17

Waiting for God at the Edge

A poem for those who have ever wondered where God is in our pain.

If God could stop my heart from breaking,

Why am I still in pain?

If God could erase all my tears,

Why am I still in dismay?

If the sun still rises each new day,

Why must I be in such disarray?

If I hold onto all of God’s promises,

Why do I still feel this way?

Perhaps God can do all these things

Paint the sky with vibrant hints of love

Sing to me with the birds perched up above

Wrap His arms around the little children

And wait for me to come running.

But what if there’s something to gain from pain?

An aching heart can mend another

The presence of a soul who truly understands

The longing to rest in God’s own hands.

Yes, God can cure the worst of nightmares

That spark to life like wildfire

Scorching our hope and singeing our pride

Until we’re at the height of being alive.

God allows us to reach the edge of the cliff

But He holds our hands so we don’t drift.

Perhaps His presence is enough

To satisfy the wish for the whirling to stop

And instead to remember that no matter what

Through tears and aches and pains

That God is right here

Loving, faithful, patient, and true

Always the same, right here for me and you.

You have not come to a mountain that can be touched and that is burning with fire; to darkness, gloom and storm;

But you have come to Mount Zion, to the city of the living God, the heavenly Jerusalem. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, ²³to the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the Judge of all, to the spirits of the righteous made perfect, ²⁴to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.
Hebrews 12:18, 22-24

10 Takeaways from Being 19

Encouragement along the journey.

In just a few days, I will be entering a new decade of life! I’ve been reminded that when I feel stuck, it’s important to look back to even a year ago and realize how many things God has brought me through or taught me about in just twelve months.

In honor of my upcoming birthday, here are 10 things I’ve learned from being 19:

God always answers prayers

But…I’ve had to redefine what the word “answer” means. If you ask someone a question and they say, “I’ll have an answer for you by tomorrow”, that answer could be a variety of things. It could be a resounding yes or a sympathetic no.

I’ve come to realize that most often, God’s answer isn’t my version of a “yes” or “no”. Rather, it’s something completely unexpected that may involve loss and difficulty but will lead me to the place where I’m meant to be.

2. Hardships cultivate empathy

If you let them, hardships can be the best way to connect with others on a meaningful level. Opening your eyes to understanding how God may use your past or present difficulties can cause you to have deeper peace.

3. Rest matters

Never have I ever had a year where rest has been so critical to maintaining healthy boundaries, keeping a clear mindset, and showing myself love. And when we rest, we are better able to step into our workplaces and relationships with patience and grace.

4. Counseling is important, but only Jesus brings full healing

Hear me out on this one. I will always be in support of counseling and mental health care, but after undergoing counseling treatment for the first time last fall, I realized my expectations for it weren’t completely realistic. When we expect human treatments to fix all our problems, we will never experience complete satisfaction. But when treatments supplement our reliance on and relationship with God, we will receive the healing that our bodies long for, even if it’s a slow process.

5. Keep an open Bible

This one I learned from my boss, who is a pastor. When in meetings or in prayer, there is something profound about keeping your Bible open even after you’re done reading it. It’s an image of allowing the Holy Spirit to speak into your decisions and guide your thoughts.

6. Go for daily walks

I’m no athlete, but getting fresh air every day has been one of the things that has kept me alert and grounded through dealing with life online and having a busy schedule. Being surrounded by nature or at least breathing in new air reminds me of God’s creativity and grace.

7. When you ask for patience, you will get patience

This year has been filled with many trying situations and relationships. There have been moments when I’ve wanted to escape from it all, but God has always pulled me back and pushed me to stay on track. Recently, I’ve realized that patience, a trait that I’ve lacked on many occasions, has been growing inside me. Last night I looked at my list of goals for this year, and becoming more patient was one of them. What do you know? 😉

While a difficult goal, one that’s still being cultivated for me, patience is something God seems to delight in helping us work on.

8. People change, and that is a beautiful thing

I used to be terrified of change, and it’s still not my favorite thing. However, change allows us to be transformed into the purposeful creation God has made us to be. And when we try to keep people in a box of past expectations, we lose sight of how they are also being shaped into healthier individuals. When we make space for growth in relationships, we will start to gain more understanding, empathy, and even joy.

9. Callings may shift over time

God shouldn’t be limited to only giving us one calling during our lifetime. Rather, our calling may shift throughout different seasons and we may be led out of circumstances that we had been brought into. Over the past year, I’ve stepped away from two major places where I had been previously called. While it felt unnatural and even a little terrifying, following God without knowing what comes next has been vital to growing my trust in Him.

10. Don’t let anyone underestimate you

Recently I’ve been in several circles where I’ve been the youngest one. I’ve definitely felt out of place and even unqualified at times. But then God reminded me that even though I’m young, I still have gifts to bring.

Age is such a subjective matter. We may seem old to those fewer in years or unlearned to those farther along on their journey. But God sees our full potential and will use us as much as we are willing.

I have two wishes for you on this beautiful day:

That you may find joy along the journey and chase light wherever it takes you, even if it means trying a new path or setting a new boundary for the sake of rest

And

That you always know you are never alone and that God will be there to see you through whatever battles you face.

May you go through every day with love and grace.

Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, ⁴who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. ⁵For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. ⁶If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. ⁷And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.
2 Corinthians 1:3-7