The long, dark hallway loomed ahead of Pamela. Yellow lights flickered overhead. Her imagination ran wild as her heart thumped in her chest. She half-expected the fuzzy lime-green monster of her childhood nightmares to pop out of the doors lining the hallway. She couldn’t quite explain why this monster was scary to her as a child. He just was, as many things continued to be. Hence, why she was here to begin with.
You see, Pamela was not exploring a haunted mansion or creeping through an abandoned warehouse on a top secret mission. She was visiting her therapist, Dr. Jennifer Stevens, who went by Jenny even to her clients, and whose building manager frequently forgot to change burnt lightbulbs in his building.
Pamela rapped on the door three times before it swung open. Jenny sat at her desk with a perky smile on her face. Thunder, Jenny’s hound dog, lay on the pet bed by the desk, thumping his tail rhythmically.
“Welcome, Pamela,” Jenny said. “How are you doing today?”
Pamela shut the door behind her and slumped into the chair across from Jenny’s desk. It wasn’t the most comfortable chair, and it certainly wasn’t some Freudian couch. But it was better than the stiff plastic chairs at Pamela’s high school, and the company was worth it.
“I heard back from all the colleges I applied to,” Pamela said. She reached into her backpack and handed Jenny a stuffed manila envelope full of letters. Mainly rejection letters.
Jenny filed through the papers while Pamela stroked Thunder’s slick head. Jenny smiled as she held up the one acceptance letter Pamela received. It was from a small state school just a few miles up the road. Pamela’s safety school.
“Congratulations!” Jenny said.
“Didn’t you see all the rejections?” Pamela asked.
“Well, sure, but it’s not like you could’ve gone to all those schools at once,” Jenny said. She waved the acceptance letter in the air. “Doesn’t this count as a victory?”
“All my friends got into the other schools. The better schools,” Pamela said, crossing her arms.
“They all did?”
“Well…most of them.”
Jenny nodded. She never made fun of Pamela’s exaggerations or held it over her head when she was right.
“Are you planning to attend this school?” Jenny asked. “Or will you take a gap year?”
“There’s no way my parents would let me take a gap year,” Pamela said with a laugh.
Jenny smiled. She had met Pamela’s mom in college. They were even roommates one year. She could understand Pamela’s problems better than Pamela even realized, despite how much Jenny adored her long-time friend.
“So what will you study? Or is that the most annoying question to be asked?” Jenny said.
“Creative writing,” Pamela said. “It’s actually the only school I applied to with a creative writing program.”
“That sounds like the perfect program for you,” Jenny remarked. “You’ll get to study what you’re passionate about.”
Pamela nodded, but she still felt a heavy burden on her chest.
“It’s just hard when I think about how my future will look different than my friends’ futures,” Pamela said. “My parents are making me live at home since the dorms cost so much money and we live close to the school. And I won’t have a very prestigious name to put on my resumé. All my friends will live near each other while I’ll have to start over.”
Jenny rested her elbows against her desk and folded her hands together.
“Senior year is certainly a year about thinking through the future,” Jenny said. “We’ve talked about surrendering your future to Jesus this year, haven’t we?”
“I know!” Pamela burst out. “But it’s not fair. What if Jesus doesn’t have as great of a future for me as He has for my friends?”
“It’s all about trust,” Jenny replied. “Do you remember Jesus telling his disciples about how when a son asks his father for a fish or an egg, the father certainly won’t give him a snake or a scorpion instead? The father cares about his son, just as Jesus cares about his children.”
“Then why can’t I go to the same college as my friends?” Pamela asked.
“Jesus knows what’s best for you,” Jenny replied. “Our wants and desires fluctuate like our emotions do, but Jesus knows the path that will lead us closest to him and allow us the opportunity to grow into our full potentials.”
Pamela sighed. She knew this was true. Her emotions often curved high and low like a rollercoaster track.
“The question now is, do you trust that Jesus loves you enough to provide you with a beautiful future, even if it doesn’t look the way you anticipated?” Jenny asked.
“I want to,” Pamela said. “but it’s really hard.”
“That’s okay,” Jenny said. She offered her hands to Pamela, which she accepted. “Let’s ask Jesus for help. Even if it takes years to learn to trust him, we worship a very patient God. Every day, the more you lean on his strength, the more natural it will be to trust him.”
“Which of you fathers, if your son asks for a fish, will give him a snake instead? 12 Or if he asks for an egg, will give him a scorpion? 13 If you then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give the Holy Spirit to those who ask him!”
Luke 11:11-13
The Will to Wake Up 