Comforting Others in Truth

We’ve all faced that moment. Some of us dread it, others seek it out.

When a loved one’s eyes well up with tears as they share the heartbreak they are currently experiencing. You warmly embrace them in a hug, but once you pull away, the moment arrives. Your time to deliver words of comfort.

There are so many ways this moment can go wrong.

Oversharing about your own similar experiences, which puts the spotlight on you instead of your hurting friend. Blasting the person who hurt your friend, to the point where your words become malicious and gossipy. Boldly stating that your friend should just “tough it up.”

A few months ago, after hearing a friend share about her painful situation, I knew what the “right words” were. Words that affirmed her view of the situation. Words that promised a happily ever after.

I felt torn because I wanted her to feel God’s love through me, but I couldn’t be honest by comforting her with promises that weren’t mine to make. I didn’t know if there would be reconciliation. I didn’t know if what was lost would be restored.

In the end, I wasn’t as encouraging as I could’ve been and my friend expressed disappointment in our conversation.

I’m glad I didn’t go against my convictions and spoke fluffy words to her. But this situation made me realize I needed to go back to the Bible to learn how God wants me to comfort others in the future.

I’ve been reading through the book of Zechariah, one of the minor prophets in the Old Testament, and this morning I came across this verse:

The idols speak deceitfully, diviners see visions that lie; they tell dreams that are false, they give comfort in vain. Therefore the people wander like sheep oppressed for lack of a shepherd.

Zechariah 10:2 (NIV)

We are in a culture so focused on affirming ourselves that encouragement and comfort lose their strength and meaning. By inherently being broken people, we won’t find hope within ourselves. We will break promises to each other. Our limited vision prevents us from seeing the future.

So how can we encourage and comfort others in a way that is truthful and meaningful? By reminding them of the promises God–who is always faithful–has already made.

Later on in the same chapter, God makes this promise to His people:

I will strengthen Judah and save the tribes of Joseph. I will restore them because I have compassion on them. They will be as though I had not rejected them, for I am the Lord their God and I will answer them.

Zechariah 10:6 (NIV)

Jesus’ sacrifice on the cross allows all believers to be God’s children and receive His promises. These aren’t empty promises rooted in our flawed selves. These are everlasting promises overflowing with God’s mercy and love.

The next time you are comforting someone, consider referring to this verse, or another verse where God promises His people that He will never abandon them. You may even say something like this:

I’m so sorry for what you are going through. I cannot even comprehend the pain you are experiencing. But God knows exactly what you are going through and He promises to give you His strength when you turn to Him.

Healing takes time, but God is with you and will restore you, even if things don’t look exactly the way you hope. He has compassion on you because He loves you as His child. When you call out to Him, He will answer you.

Could I pray for you?

These words are imperfect, but a starting point. I know that I will likely miss an opportunity to comfort someone again in the future. But when we are willing and open to being led by the Spirit, God will show us who He wants us to comfort, and He will provide us with the words to encourage them.

Pray today to ask God to comfort and strengthen you, and then direct you to someone to comfort with His love.

 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 (NIV)