How Do You Want to Be Loved?

To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us.”

-Timothy Keller

We speak a lot about love in this world. In society, we are taught that self-love is most important. At church, we are taught that no one can love perfectly except God, but that true love takes sacrifice, a dying to our flesh. These ideas intermingle in our minds, but often feel unclear.

We are born with the desire to be loved. Why else would we be in community? Why else would we have friends or romantic partners and partake in ceremonies that celebrate undying love, like weddings?

There is something so beautiful and so incomprehensible about love. As humans, we want to explain what love is. We want to put borders around love. We like to say that love means acceptance or second chances or blind trust.

But we cannot explain love because God is love and God cannot be fully explained, at least to our humble minds. And God’s abilities are limitless.

However, it’s not wrong to explore what love means to you. Perhaps it can even help you grow in your understanding of God, too.

Even those who have never known or heard of God crave His unconditional love. This is the love spoken of in the quote by Timothy Keller. A love that knows, chooses, liberates, challenges, and ultimately betters us for the kingdom of God.

This love is so rare in the world. We cannot love perfectly, but we can still try. And when we fail, we can turn to the one who loves us perfectly and ask for His help.

When you understand how you want to be loved through a godly lens, you will no longer find yourself drawn to relationships that aren’t built on authentic love. You will recognize who in your life only “loves” you for what you do for them or who they think you are, even if you are someone completely different. You will no longer gravitate toward superficial love, but pursue deep, soulful love.

There might be times when there aren’t people in your life who can love you this way. Those times are lonely and painful, but they are also times when, if you allow yourself, you will experience God’s love in the deepest way possible. He will meet you in these moments. God is not afraid of the darkness because He is the light.

And these times of loneliness will not last forever.

But how do you know what kind of love God offers and what kind of love we should extend upon others?

Spend time with God and ask Him. Search His word. Study Jesus’ interactions in the New Testament. Listen to God’s promises in the Old Testament.

God promises to heal us (Isaiah 57:18), provide us hope (Romans 15:13), sanctify us (John 17:17), prepare a place for us believers in Heaven (John 14:3), and love us for all eternity, going so far as to sacrifice His own Son for a relationship with us (John 3:16).

The fruits of the Spirit are born out of the love God has for us, and He offers us these fruits when we choose to follow Him:

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance [patience], kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

-Galatians 5:22-23

Once we accept the love God has for us, we are equipped to love those around us. Imperfectly, yes, but through God’s grace and power, they may still experience God’s perfect love through us.

Now the question is, how are you being called to love others today?

If I speak in the tongues of men or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast, but do not have love, I gain nothing.

-1 Corinthians 13:1-3