Seeking Hope in the Rain

I’m not sure where you are on the healing journey, but most of us know what it’s like to experience a relapse, a step backwards. We find ourselves in desperate need of healing and help and most of all, Jesus.

The image I often associate with my initial breaking point is fifteen-year-old Hannah listening to somber music while walking her dog during a downpour. She was lonely, discouraged, and doubting. And yesterday, I found myself there once again. Five years older, but suddenly not feeling any wiser.

Maybe you’ve asked yourself the same questions I did: Am I a complete failure for cycling back to the same place? Where do I go from here? Did I even heal at all? What does God think of me right now?

And in the middle of immense grief — grief over things I couldn’t even describe — I suddenly felt a surge of hope. I hurried home and journaled. As I wrote, I didn’t have exact solutions to my problems, but I did feel lighter.

I continue to have hope because I realized I wasn’t in the same place again. I will never be in the exact same place again. The setting, the outfit, the feelings — they may all appear the same. But I am not who I was at the beginning of this journey, and neither are you.

Life is like a staircase. Each day we spend with Jesus, asking for His insight and help in our lives, we take one step up the staircase. When there are days of taking steps backward, we aren’t negating entire months or years of steps. Our progress is not hindered by one setback to the degree it often seems. We aren’t jumping off the banister for forgetting to pray or making a mistake.

Instead, a step backwards causes us to pause and remember our need for God. The longer we climb this staircase, the less likely we are to keep moving backwards after a misstep. It will become natural to turn to God in the face of defeat, depression, or disaster.

You may see immediate or gradual changes in your reactions to setbacks. The next day might seem brighter. You may be able to smile at yourself in the mirror again. You may even be able to praise God in the middle of your suffering.

But even if you can’t see those changes yet, God has not left you in the same dark place. He hears your cries and is right by your side. Your feelings don’t dictate His feelings for you. Whether you feel like a pathetic failure or have fully embraced your status as an infinitely loved child of God, your identity never changes. You will always be God’s beloved child.

I am so thankful that the rain doesn’t last forever. Sometimes, the relief comes in pockets of sunlight between storms. Today, a rainbow stretched across the sky as rain pattered down my back. And I smiled because I took time to notice its beauty even as the rain persisted. With my eyes fixed on hope, the rain seemed less intense.

I pray that however you feel today, you can find courage and hope in knowing that God’s opinion of you never wavers. He will always love you and want you to come back to Him. The rain won’t last forever. But don’t be afraid to search for the rainbows even through the rainy seasons.

Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. ²⁵ The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall, because it had its foundation on the rock. 

Matthew 7:24-25

You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book.

Psalm 56:8

We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love.

Romans 5:3-5